"This moustache is a Movember moustache."
October 24, 2013 6:51 AM   Subscribe

 
ahhh! Is this what Movember is about?! I was confused as hell last year because I thought mustaches were being celebrated. I couldn't figure out why it was a big thing.

Thanks!
posted by royalsong at 6:55 AM on October 24, 2013


"How to Grow a Moustache with Nick Offerman" reads like instructions on how to grow a moustache while hanging out with Nick Offerman. I suspect they would be wholly unnecessary because I assume he's radiates some sort of moustache-enhancement field that causes anyone within five feet of him to sprout one. The makeup people on Parks and Rec are the hardest working people in showbusiness for exactly this reason.

Also, I used to be sort of cynical about Movember just for the standard reasons about why awareness-raising programs aren't the best way to, well, raise awareness. But then I realized if it gets more dudes to grow moustaches they wouldn't have grown otherwise, and then it turns out they actually like their moustaches and keep them, then everyone wins.
posted by griphus at 6:56 AM on October 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


I'm going to have pass. If I grew a mustache, I'd look like G. Gordon Liddy's nerdy brother.
posted by jquinby at 6:57 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love rocking the mustache, but mine just doesn't grow in thick enough. I don't have enough hair on the upper part of my lip so I can't grow a Tom Selleck. It still looks pretty nice, though.
posted by Literaryhero at 6:59 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


If I grew a mustache, I'd look like G. Gordon Liddy's nerdy brother.

D&D Gordon Liddy.
posted by pracowity at 7:02 AM on October 24, 2013 [7 favorites]


I love rocking the mustache, but mine just doesn't grow in thick enough.

Yeah, Mr. Pterodactyl grows just enough hair to look like a friendly catfish which I find adorable but doesn't work particularly well in a professional environment.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:04 AM on October 24, 2013 [8 favorites]


I'm always loath to grow a 'stache because mine looks like a reverse Hitler. Here I am, 38 years old, and the middle fifth of my upper lip sports fuzz that's finer than frog hair.

(I wind up looking like the illiterate Mexican henchman at the wedding scene in Tombstone.)
posted by notsnot at 7:05 AM on October 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


How long should the mustache grow before riding?
posted by humanfont at 7:10 AM on October 24, 2013


For those who follow this kind of thing, co-founder Adam Garone will do an AMA (Ask Me Anything) on reddit 10/28 at 3pm Eastern.
posted by whatzit at 7:10 AM on October 24, 2013


For several years in his early 50s, my father's mustache had just begun to turn gray, but only right underneath his nostrils. It looked amusingly like he had snot in his mustache constantly. My father also seems to have hogged all the decent facial hair genes for himself, leaving me only able to grow the catfish mustache my wife mentioned earlier along with a patchy carpet of coarse throat hair. I keep hoping one day my body will flip a switch and realize that I'm a grown man who should be able to look like one, but until then I just have to settle for being mistaken for a high schooler despite the fact that I'm almost 30.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:11 AM on October 24, 2013


I even bought my wife a small thing from Nick Offerman's woodshop, but it didn't have any kind of talismanic effect on my facial hair. Should I be rubbing it on my lip?
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:12 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I have to shave most of my beard off for the wedding, so if anyone needs some additional hair to fill out their moustaches please visit my Etsy store.
posted by griphus at 7:15 AM on October 24, 2013


1) Develop an actually interesting life, apart from having a mustache.
2) No, seriously. Don't just grow a mustache. Be interesting.
3) Don't shave. For six weeks.
4) Shave everything that's not mustache.
posted by Apropos of Something at 7:18 AM on October 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


Bulgaroktonos, I think I see where you went wrong. There is but one product that contains such talismanic powers. May I direct your attention to the Offerman Workshop's Customised Moustache Comb?
posted by Optamystic at 7:18 AM on October 24, 2013


That seemed like hubris. Also, I bought this as a gift for my wife (because she loves Nick Offerman) and getting her a mustache comb would be...not a great plan for my marriage.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:23 AM on October 24, 2013


Also, I bought this as a gift for my wife (because she loves Nick Offerman) and getting her a mustache comb would be...not a great plan for my marriage.

I WOULD CUT YOU
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:26 AM on October 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Sexism, pure and simple. There's zero reason why growing a mustache should be restricted to men.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:36 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I thought all men were created equal. If that's the case, why am I unable to grow a moustache?
posted by jessssse at 7:40 AM on October 24, 2013


All men can grow a mustache. However all of them can not do it on their face.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:45 AM on October 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


Cripes. The Offerman Woodshop truly is kickass.
posted by notyou at 7:48 AM on October 24, 2013


Forgot the link.

That's a shitload of clamps.
posted by notyou at 7:49 AM on October 24, 2013


Yeah, I do not take part in the facial-hair-growing fest because my fine facial hair just leaves me looking like I need to wash my face. At the other end of the hirsuteness spectrum, I have a friend who likewise opts out because, as he says, "I am half-Egyptian and half-Turkish, so I just make everyone else look bad by comparison."
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:03 AM on October 24, 2013


I remember when November was for writing.

I started Movember when I shaved my winter beard last spring. The current facial garnish is a regional wonder.
posted by Fezboy! at 8:03 AM on October 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


I really think Movember should just own November, and No-Shave November should not be a thing. It dilutes the facial hair awesomeness to have both beards and mustaches crammed into one month like this. Actually, every month should have a different facial hair style. Jesus Beard January. Franz Josef February. Muttonchop March. Anchor April. So on and so on until Dali December.
posted by jason_steakums at 8:03 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Receiving a dirty sanchez is not an act of solidarity.
posted by humanfont at 8:04 AM on October 24, 2013


As a properly mustachioed and bearded man, I'm never really certain what I should be doing for Movember.
posted by Roninspoon at 8:04 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


This seems like as good a place as any to note that David Suchet is wrapping up his 25 year run depicting Hercule Poirot on television. Be amazed as Epic Evolution of a Mustache montage gives you actual chills. Sure you think I'm kidding.
posted by nanojath at 8:05 AM on October 24, 2013


For those of us who are mustache-impaired, and who are sick of hearing about Movember, I am starting Armpithairuary to raise awareness.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:07 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't get this at all.

It's like saying, "If you had watched your health chemo-boy, you'd have one of these hairy lips too."
posted by three blind mice at 8:08 AM on October 24, 2013


All men can grow a mustache. However all of them can not do it on their face.

So I can become a mustache farmer? I guess the first step is to rent space on someone else's face...

(My dad and grandpa grow really great mustaches, but mine always comes in spotty. I last tried during a 6-week paternity leave and my upper lip looked awful by the time I had to head back to work.)
posted by Area Man at 8:10 AM on October 24, 2013


I don't get this at all.

It's like saying, "If you had watched your health chemo-boy, you'd have one of these hairy lips too."


That's one of the things I like about Hawktober (really the only thing I don't like is that most offices aren't mohawk friendly), it's about brain tumor awareness and mohawks are actually a common haircut choice if your brain surgery incision's on either side of the center line.
posted by jason_steakums at 8:16 AM on October 24, 2013




I plan to grow a moustache and dye it pink. That way I can trivialize two cancers at once.
posted by Renoroc at 8:58 AM on October 24, 2013 [9 favorites]


It's Gandalf Beard November for me.
posted by Foosnark at 9:02 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


As a properly mustachioed and bearded man, I'm never really certain what I should be doing for Movember.
posted by Roninspoon at 10:04 AM on October 24


Just be smug man. Join me in being quietly smug.
posted by nanojath at 9:06 AM on October 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


I sport a neatly trimmed goatee every month of the year (no, I don't care if they're not in style and I may remain single forever). This is the darkest timeline, after all. I'd probably grow a full beard, though, if the hair follicles on my cheeks didn't stand in the way.
posted by Thoughtcrime at 9:11 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mustaches, like a murder act or a marriage, must be carefully considered as they so often go disastrously wrong.

I, for example, can only have one very specific kind of facial hair, any sight deviation from this look and the unique angles of my face and hair patterns conspire to make me look like someone who has moved into a tent full time and has many opinions about the lizard people running the U.N. no matter how carefully and cleanly I keep it, my face + hair = person you don't want to be left alone with on a bus.
posted by The Whelk at 9:53 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


( also, why did we, as a culture, decide to all get floppy faux hawks with shaved sides for like ...exactly one year? Is this something we talk about? Was this done to us by outside forces?)
posted by The Whelk at 9:56 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]




Shepherds, Nick. Sheep herders are called shepherds.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:31 AM on October 24, 2013


Movember sounds like a great cause but the end result is you have a bunch of asshole douchebags walking around with these terrible hipsterbrostaches and it's all just utterly awful.

I'm sorry. I want to support it but jesus christ, donate money and time and shave.
posted by xmutex at 10:47 AM on October 24, 2013


Movember sounds like a great cause but the end result is you have a bunch of asshole douchebags walking around with these terrible hipsterbrostaches and it's all just utterly awful.

I'm sorry. I want to support it but jesus christ, donate money and time and shave.


First of all, that statement's way douchier than growing a moustache for charity.

Second, if it bothers you, think of it this way: Movember would cease to exist if those guys had moustaches year-round. It keeps the moustaches contained. You should be grateful.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:51 AM on October 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm celebrating Poevember by bricking my enemies up in my basement. And probably listening to the beating of that hideous heart for 30 days, but what are you going to do?
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:52 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


First of all, that statement's way douchier than growing a moustache for charity.

I understand, you might be right, I'm not comfortable with my reaction to Movember, but no, I think "growing a mustache for charity" might be one of the douchiest things a person can do.
posted by xmutex at 10:52 AM on October 24, 2013


. . . is there a word for when something kind of fun and innocuous gets co opted by a cancer awareness movement? It seems to happen a lot.
posted by Think_Long at 10:54 AM on October 24, 2013


Mustaches make you look creepier, beards make you look sexier. Science says so.

Tom Selleck is exempt from this rule.


Friendly reminder: Tom Selleck is a Republican gun nut.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:10 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Double-friendly reminder: Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds are two different people, which is a great thing to realize halfway into a comment about Boogie Nights.
posted by griphus at 11:18 AM on October 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


Not that his political leanings should matter as to how well he can or can not rock a mustache, but if Tom Selleck isn't your thing; Bradly Whitford is a pretty hard-core liberal and looks awesome in a 'stash.
posted by quin at 11:18 AM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Not that his political leanings should matter as to how well he can or can not rock a mustache, but if Tom Selleck isn't your thing; Bradly Whitford is a pretty hard-core liberal and looks awesome in a 'stash.

QFT.

Netflix, bring back The Good Guys!
posted by Room 641-A at 11:30 AM on October 24, 2013


I would happily participate in this event but I have not actually seen my naked chin since 1998. I stopped shaving after my wedding and have been bearded ever since. I always keep it trimmed short though. Maybe next month I'll let it run wild and see what happens.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:30 AM on October 24, 2013


Whatever you do, gentlemen, please keep your ears trimmed. Seriously.

I was at a wedding last weekend in New Hampshire, at which were a number of well-grown beards in fine display, but one fellow in particular had not only stopped shaving his face approx. a decade ago, but had also sprouted a goodly number of long, beard-thickness hairs on the outside of his earlobes.

We were having a good conversation about boat-building, but as soon as he turned his head and I noticed his ear-beards it was like someone turned the volume down on the whole world -- I literally could not hear another word he said.

tl;dr: Face Beards Good; Ear Beards Bad.
posted by gauche at 12:52 PM on October 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


I really despise these pointless "awareness-raising" charity shenanigans. Movember is just as bad as all the stupid breast cancer bike ride bullshit.

Seriously is it really necessary to "raise awareness" about cancer today? Do people not watch TV?

If you want to grow a moustache just grow a moustache and stop being such a pussy about it claiming its to raise awareness about prostate cancer.
posted by mary8nne at 2:50 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I really despise these pointless "awareness-raising" charity shenanigans.

There exists a whole mess of crap that people do that gives the appearance of charity without the actual investment of their own personal time or money.
posted by xmutex at 3:36 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


How to grow a moustache for Movember: stop shaving your upper lip around June.
posted by acb at 4:32 PM on October 24, 2013


Also, the question of moustache wax arises; once your moustache is of any length, a modicum of wax helps keep it in shape. I favour Captain Fawcett's sandalwood moustache wax myself; there is also an outfit in Portland, OR making a gin & tonic-scented moustache wax, but they can't possibly be serious.
posted by acb at 4:36 PM on October 24, 2013


I know right, your upper lip should smell of gin and tonic because it's being repeatedly bathed in them, as per usual.
posted by The Whelk at 5:50 PM on October 24, 2013


Aren't the Movember guys also raising and donating money?
posted by Area Man at 6:02 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I know right, your upper lip should smell of gin and tonic because it's being repeatedly bathed in them, as per usual.

I personally have been rockin' a Col. Sanders for years.

My moustache smells of Bulleit Bourbon, my goatee smells of Sour Diesel.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 1:41 AM on October 25, 2013


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