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November 14, 2013 11:09 PM   Subscribe


 
I laughed at the 'tell me anything you see at all' while she's looking at some furniture name in unpronounceable swedish.
posted by empath at 11:22 PM on November 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


Quite good. Um, I wonder if they asked for filming permission...
posted by Bwithh at 11:28 PM on November 14, 2013


This doesn't happen in Sweden because most of us are taught how to navigate IKEA before we can walk. Looks like someone needs to IKEA more.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:31 PM on November 14, 2013


Well, I mean it's impossible to really get lost in Ikea, because they have arrows on the floor, which will always get you out, but it is a pain in the ass to find each other if you get split up.
posted by empath at 11:39 PM on November 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


Come on, empath! Suspension of disbelief!
posted by matt_od at 11:43 PM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Wow, I never knew about the arrows!!
posted by Bwithh at 12:02 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Wow, I never knew about the arrows!!

You have achieved satori when you have learned to use the shortcuts as well.
posted by zippy at 12:19 AM on November 15, 2013 [6 favorites]


You have achieved satori when you have learned to use the shortcuts as well.
I knew about the shortcuts already though. They reminded me of the secret passages in Cluedo/Clue!
posted by Bwithh at 12:24 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


I loved the "Everything we buy is just gonna break anyway." line.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 12:27 AM on November 15, 2013


They reminded me of the secret passages in Cluedo/Clue!

Ikea Clue is a licensing opportunity that has somehow been missed.
posted by empath at 12:52 AM on November 15, 2013 [10 favorites]


I loved the "Everything we buy is just gonna break anyway." line.

The great thing about Ikea furniture is that it makes moving a lot easier. You just throw everything away and buy new stuff when you get there.
posted by empath at 12:52 AM on November 15, 2013 [4 favorites]


It's at least 30 seconds too long, but funny. Good editing.
posted by zardoz at 1:24 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ikea Clue is a licensing opportunity that has somehow been missed.

"Mr. Birch in Living Rooms with the Mälm."
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:35 AM on November 15, 2013 [13 favorites]


I want to hear about the shortcuts.
posted by gryftir at 2:43 AM on November 15, 2013


The shortcuts

don't work they don't go

just follow the lines on the floor any of the lines

don't short

IT'S LONGER THAN YOU THINK
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 3:36 AM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


mmmmmm.... meatballs...
posted by zaelic at 4:21 AM on November 15, 2013


I love the shortcuts, actually the shortcuts are the only reason I can tolerate Ikea.
The other week, yes I'm bragging, I was in and out of Ikea in under 30 minutes.
This woman clearly needs better training.
posted by From Bklyn at 4:24 AM on November 15, 2013


I liked it, but there were some parts that just weren't scientifically believable. Flower pots are in a completely different orbital pattern than Bedding, for one. She would have used up all her oxygen to get there.
posted by odinsdream at 5:48 AM on November 15, 2013 [7 favorites]


Has anybody else noticed that the structure of an IKEA store is similar to the first Portal game? For the first 3/4 of your visit, you're left to wander through a sleek, modular maze of sterile white and beige surfaces, and at the very end you're unceremoniously dumped into a dark, industrial warehouse setting where a computer tries to kill you.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:55 AM on November 15, 2013 [32 favorites]


I came home one day and my wife was acting all strange. "Have you been drinking?" I asked her and she replied "No. I have been to IKEA".
posted by srboisvert at 7:07 AM on November 15, 2013 [3 favorites]


Ikea isn't bad. I actually kind of enjoy it there when it's not too busy.

Super mega walmarts though ? That right there is where the Bog of Eternal Stench meets the Swamp of Sadness.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:33 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


I recently discovered that if you break up with your girlfriend, the best thing to do is walk through IKEA with her... starting in the warehouse.

By walking through it backwards one can reverse the polarity and fall back in love.




Until she wants the fucking FYRKANTIG.
posted by elwoodwiles at 8:29 AM on November 15, 2013 [4 favorites]


My friends and I do improv scenes in the one near us.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 8:57 AM on November 15, 2013


Is that guy nine feet tall, or is that lady three feet tall?
posted by echo target at 9:10 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Strange Interlude: "Has anybody else noticed that the structure of an IKEA store is similar to the first Portal game?"

THE CAKE IS A LIE!

There is no cake, only shitty "meat" balls
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:50 AM on November 15, 2013


10 or 15 years ago, I saw a write-up of a zork-like visit to IKEA. It involved turning parts of chairs in to weapons and such. Unfortunately, I can't find it anymore.
posted by QIbHom at 10:31 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is this it?
posted by gnomeloaf at 10:44 AM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


We went last weekend to the East Palo Alto (Never to be confused with Palo Alto, Heaven forbid!) Ikea to get a new dresser. Unfortunately we picked a Saturday, which is when parents with at least two screaming children get a 20% discount while the screaming lasts. Naturally they were out of the color we wanted, so we either had to go with the dark birch lacquer or painted white. My wife pointed out that new our dressers wouldn't match, and at some point while we were quite rationally discussing the financial infeasibility of this she lay down in the middle of the warehouse aisle and engaged in a door down strike. I think she threatened to hold her breath as well. I only got out of it by promising to buy a new set next month, cross my heart, on my family honor, no I won't back out of it this time, I am NOT s cheapskate!

Frankly, if it wasn't for the meatballs and lingonberry syrup, I don't think we would have made it out. I've noticed that as we get older and more aware of the melancholic impermanence that is the tragedy of life, we have transitioned from the eight-meatballs plate to the 12 meatballs plate, because you never know, you might die trying to get out of the parking lot.

Anyway, I now have a assembled dresser that almost holds all my socks, and a freezer full of meatballs. I'm looking forward to making the season's first pot of Swedish Meatball Soup. I think I'll put extrameatballs in, because you never know when you might die.
posted by happyroach at 11:33 AM on November 15, 2013 [4 favorites]


Yes! Thank you, gnomeloaf! Bit dated, perhaps, but still gets me through IKEA.
posted by QIbHom at 11:36 AM on November 15, 2013


Hairy Lobster: "Strange Interlude: "Has anybody else noticed that the structure of an IKEA store is similar to the first Portal game?"

THE CAKE IS A LIE!

There is no cake, only shitty "meat" balls
"

The princess cake is a lie?!
posted by Gordafarin at 3:01 PM on November 15, 2013


I think she died curled up on that bed. The rest of the movie is a dying fantasy playing out in her head.
posted by mazola at 8:47 PM on November 16, 2013


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