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You've Trained Your Whole Life For This Moment
December 5, 2013 4:51 PM   Subscribe

Horse Master is a Twine text adventure game made by Tom McHamry. It's about becoming a master of horses, and has been described as "body horsehorror" and like living "inside a fever dream". John Campbell of Pictures For Sad Children has written a review entitled "Horse Master Class Anxiety Dream Review". (Warning: review will make no sense until you play the game.)
posted by Maecenas (30 comments total) 42 users marked this as a favorite

 
Holy fucking shit.
posted by Sokka shot first at 5:32 PM on December 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


Bahh, it all comes down to a single random roll at the end. Annoying.

Nice evocative ride until that end, though.
posted by dragoon at 5:43 PM on December 5, 2013


what the hell did I just play
posted by gucci mane at 5:48 PM on December 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


**gibbers**
posted by BrashTech at 6:05 PM on December 5, 2013


Bahh, it all comes down to a single random roll at the end. Annoying.

I see someone's carapace wasn't glistening enough...
posted by Rock Steady at 6:13 PM on December 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


I named my horse "World-death."

"Ha ha," I thought to myself. "What a funny joke."
posted by Sokka shot first at 6:15 PM on December 5, 2013


MetaFilter: there is blood sometimes
posted by XMLicious at 6:39 PM on December 5, 2013


I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I HAVE JUST DONE.

>>

>> EOL
posted by PROD_TPSL at 7:00 PM on December 5, 2013


o the horsemanity
posted by stoneandstar at 7:34 PM on December 5, 2013


Look at my Horse, my horse is amazing.
posted by hellojed at 8:48 PM on December 5, 2013


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
posted by Quilford at 9:48 PM on December 5, 2013


I AM A HORSE MASTER
posted by pianissimo at 11:13 PM on December 5, 2013


The review is brilliant.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:56 PM on December 5, 2013


"Your horse isn't blue, of course. The blue comes from the foamy nutrient gravy. Suspended within it, the size of a pinky knuckle, is the slumbering larva of your horse, freshly struck from the egg sac of its queen's papal dome."

Ah, takes me back to when my son was born...
posted by EndsOfInvention at 12:09 AM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


I applaud with my nine fingers.
posted by Gnatcho at 12:18 AM on December 6, 2013


I am not sure whether I won or lost

but today I have learned that horses have spiracles

and my fingers are bleeding
posted by mikurski at 1:15 AM on December 6, 2013


I feel like this is set in some sort of post-Equoid-apocalypse universe.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:58 AM on December 6, 2013


I don't know what I just played/read.

I think I liked it?
posted by PMdixon at 5:51 AM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Your dream is a dialtone that lasts all night" is one of the best sentences I've read in a long time. I totally understand and can feel that.
posted by jbickers at 6:39 AM on December 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


Read the review carefully. It's a social commentary.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:41 AM on December 6, 2013


This may be the best sentence in a game review ever:

Horse Master, while stronger than its previous iteration, not playing Horse Master, is not as good as its next installment, not playing Horse Master anymore

posted by Rock Steady at 6:51 AM on December 6, 2013 [7 favorites]


Looking forward to losing a few more fingers in the sequel.
posted by Gordafarin at 7:48 AM on December 6, 2013


I feel like if I was running on approximately 36 hours of no sleep this game would make complete sense. As it is, I think it merely lightly poked my pineal gland.
posted by Hactar at 9:41 AM on December 6, 2013


Wow that really took the wind out of my sails.
posted by Carillon at 10:04 AM on December 6, 2013


This may be the best sentence in a game review ever:

I totally agree. I have played quite a few games I could say that about. Certainly this is one of them.
posted by restless_nomad at 10:35 AM on December 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yeah I think this is actually an amazing simulator of the dystopia that is being poor and desperate in capitalism and staking everything on one fragile hope.

And the review is pure genius, wonderful exegesis.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:44 AM on December 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


restless_nomad: I totally agree. I have played quite a few games I could say that about. Certainly this is one of them.

Yeah. At first it seems like a joke, but really there is a deep truth there that applies to a lot of games (and other forms of entertainment as well).
posted by Rock Steady at 11:05 AM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


I found this game when I was hunting for horror twine games last month. I adored it. Which might be an unusual adjective considering the the content, but there it is. It's got some great images that just stick in my mind with the way it reveals the unsettling nature of your horse, twines your protagonists hopes around it, and keeps upping the surreal horror with each step. I love when people use twine (and other interactive fiction) to force players to make weird and unsettling choices.

The review is wonderful.
posted by subject_verb_remainder at 11:37 AM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


Satan Claus has a budding carapace, and I am so proud!
posted by salix at 6:23 AM on December 12, 2013


Well. That was ... Uh ... Deeply and profoundly fucked up. In a well-done sort of way. *twitch*
posted by rmd1023 at 8:36 AM on December 21, 2013


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