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Enoby, Evony, Egogy, and Tara
December 21, 2013 4:00 PM   Subscribe

The worst thing ever written - The terrible, wonderful weirdness of fake fanfiction.
posted by Artw (36 comments total) 24 users marked this as a favorite

 
Previous My Immortal.
posted by Artw at 4:04 PM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Back in my day (BOFQ rocker creaks) we called this badfic. We were doing it for the lulz before "doing it for the lulz" was a thing, linguistically.
posted by headspace at 4:04 PM on December 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


The problem with fake Fanfiction is that it quickly gets unironic fans and grows beyond the intended audience . " blood in the mouth" comedy indeed.
posted by The Whelk at 4:08 PM on December 21, 2013


I mean, we've all tried the Eye Of Argon game, this is more or less the same thing?
posted by The Whelk at 4:09 PM on December 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


(MY) IMMORTAL : THE WEB SERIES
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:10 PM on December 21, 2013


Metafilter: you are the demons
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:17 PM on December 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


I read fanfic back when I was in college and have learned never to underestimate how bad an author can be. Mary Sue fic has its fans, I mean even Neon Exodus Evangelion has people who defend it. Just because it isn't conventionally good doesn't mean that it isn't pandering to a particular audience, rather than being written as a stupidly elaborate stunt.
posted by graymouser at 4:48 PM on December 21, 2013


Does anyone remember Stephen Ratliff, author of the Marrissa Picard stores and bane of alt.startrek.creative? Back in the mid 90s he had a cult-like following for his terrible, terrible work, which people parodied MST3k-style on the regular. To wit:

"Time Speeder," by Stephen Ratliff
WINNER of four Golden Hamdingers (Best MiSTing, Best Riffing, Best Host Segments, Best Non-Standard MST3K Character in an MST3K Setting) and three Balsa Waffles (Worst Fanfic, Worst Plot Contrivance, Worst Characterization of an Established Character), 1995-96 category

Story #7 is unlucky for all involved as Ratliff spins his worst yarn of all time. Marrissa, now 15 years old and Second Officer, is on traffic duty when she encounters some anti-Starfleet terrorists on their way to the past to prevent Starfleet from existing. Marrissa follows them back to 1996, where she gets Bill Clinton's help to capture the baddies. Includes a romance between Wesley Crusher and Chelsea Clinton, the revelation that Star Trek is a 100% accurate depiction of our future, and a showcase of Ratliff's extremely poor grasp of U.S. politics and world affairs."

in other news, that was 20 years ago and I'm officially old as hell
posted by harperpitt at 5:20 PM on December 21, 2013 [7 favorites]


What we need now is to find that J.K. Rowling has actually been ghost writing Harry Potter fan fiction and randomly posting it online.
posted by Literaryhero at 5:22 PM on December 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oh god I'm remindering Misties of fics that where like line by line and terrible how did i keep reading them and how the hell did I keep up a 4.0 average in high school again?
posted by The Whelk at 5:23 PM on December 21, 2013 [4 favorites]


The center for MSTing of fanfic was the archive at pinky.wtower.com, which site is still up but only says "test" at you, sadly.

Of course the thing about MSTing fanfic is that it is, itself, fanfic, don't delude yourself into thinking it's somehow not, or superior, although a well-made one can be pretty good. Most people aren't good at it though.
posted by JHarris at 5:26 PM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


They where also super awkward to read format wise and usually not that funny.

I feel like what it needed was sassy footnotes or something.
posted by The Whelk at 5:30 PM on December 21, 2013


They where also super awkward

Quarantine himm, I thinck its contagious!
posted by Literaryhero at 5:32 PM on December 21, 2013


No I'm the vaccine, a bit of poor syntax and commonly misspelled words to inoculate you against the worst possible fics. Don't worry, there are no maroon eyes or deathly pale skin here.
posted by The Whelk at 5:39 PM on December 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


"Enoby, an Evony, bib togeva in puhfeck, hamony..."
posted by nowhere man at 5:42 PM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


A good effort, but it's no Eye of Argon.

Edit: Apparently yes, Whelk, we have all tried it.
posted by iNeas at 5:52 PM on December 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


I can't help but see this as being a bit flat. It's like the fake "blooper reels" they have at the end of some CGI movies. Stuff like this is only truly hilarious when its completely in earnest.
posted by Rhaomi at 6:20 PM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Eye of Argon is best read aloud, in turns, by drunk people at a con.

With someone who knows CPR.
posted by Foosnark at 6:24 PM on December 21, 2013


As someone who wrote very earnest Max Headroom-Star Trek fanfic in third grade, I truly believe that Half-Life: Full Life Consequences really was written by a like-minded French kid, and no SA goon can convince me otherwise.
posted by infinitewindow at 6:25 PM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Eye of Argon is best read aloud, in turns, by drunk people at a con.

With someone who knows CPR.


Apparently the original had illustrations.
posted by Artw at 6:25 PM on December 21, 2013


Is the Internet deprived of the original Eye of Argon in PDF formation with images?
It is not.
posted by Mezentian at 6:43 PM on December 21, 2013 [7 favorites]


I want a room full of people playing the Eye Of Argon game (WITH ILLUSTRATIONS) and a room full of people with plummy English accents playing the same game with the "A Christmas Carol But Scrooge Has A Permanent Erection Throughout" story from a few FPPs down - the end end the winners of both rooms have to read each others' stories. Winner is presented with a sash reading UNFLAPPABLE in rhinestones.
posted by The Whelk at 7:34 PM on December 21, 2013 [6 favorites]


Yeah, it was something like that that got me this tie that reads REDOUBTABLE in sequins. It's not as much use on a job interview as you might think.
posted by JHarris at 7:50 PM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Being an AARP member, comments so far don't mean much to me. I have run into fan fiction now and then, and I have to say, that aside from the ultra-short paragraphs, the writing is no worse than Dan Brown's.

The subject matter - games, movies, books - is the key element of interest to me. Various fictional universes are larger in the authors' minds than is the usual subject of literature, even bad literature (which in the old days remained unpublished): the human world.

The concept of a "mediated existence" is not new, but the manifestation of that concept has moved far beyond what McLuhan and others saw. It is not as "one-way" as was conceived in the mid-20th century - a good thing, I guess - but it is more capable of supplanting what used to be the conventional "constructed self" as conceived by sociologists and psychologists a half-century ago.
posted by kozad at 8:20 PM on December 21, 2013


even Neon Exodus Evangelion has people who defend it.

PEOPLE LIKE ME.

Ben Hutchins and his cadre have created some of the greatest pulp-SF of the 21st century. I can AND WILL expound upon this at length.
posted by Sokka shot first at 8:37 PM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


 I can AND WILL expound upon this at length.

*ahem*
posted by Literaryhero at 9:59 PM on December 21, 2013


Don't let us stop you.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:10 AM on December 22, 2013


Yes, Sokka, please share with the rest of the class.
posted by Doleful Creature at 7:47 AM on December 22, 2013


I think my problem with fanfic is that the authors seem to be writing it to write it, not so that people can read it. Which is fine, but it means that on top of the occasionally shaky grammar and usage, the stories are hastily written. Most of the stories aren't good on their own, they're just part of a conversation in the fandom.

In some ways, I think, that's the complaint about all the worst fanfic: the author is bleeding through more than we can accept, so it's not really a story, they're just kind of scribbling down their thoughts.
posted by vogon_poet at 8:22 AM on December 22, 2013


Does anyone remember Stephen Ratliff, author of the Marrissa Picard stores and bane of alt.startrek.creative?

Remember? Hell, I participated in some of the MSTing back in the day. I'm partially responsible for several of the ones on this page, including the Mango version of "Athena Prospects", Ratliff's revised version of "Time Speeder". My personal favorite contribution of mine from that one:

[This character belongs to an organization that opposes Starfleet for some vague reason.]
> Lyam Sympton stood on the deck of the small boat.

Tom: I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and sky;
And all I ask is a tall ship and an anti-Starfleet guy.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:39 AM on December 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


In some ways, I think, that's the complaint about all the worst fanfic: the author is bleeding through more than we can accept, so it's not really a story, they're just kind of scribbling down their thoughts.

Yeah, but then blogging as a medium is an even worse offender in that regard, yet blogs get a lot more credibility.
posted by Apocryphon at 8:45 AM on December 22, 2013


Does anyone remember Stephen Ratliff, author of the Marrissa Picard stores and bane of alt.startrek.creative?

Oh, I miss MSTings, but the other neat phenomenon that sprang up around it was stuff like Adam Cadre's fanfiction *of* Stephen Ratliff's horrible stuff.

Similar sorts of works may also be found for the Left Behind series, courtesy of the Slacktivist crowd. They called it 'foefic' over there, which I always thought was great.
posted by mordax at 11:59 AM on December 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, but then blogging as a medium is an even worse offender in that regard, yet blogs get a lot more credibility.

It's easier to accept that a blog post might just be someone rambling, or a conversation meant for an ingroup. Whereas we (or at least I) are cued to expect fiction to tell us a story, and it's a little irritating when it doesn't. I think this is also the reason some people get so annoyed with avant-garde art or whatever: it's often more about a conversation in that community than it is about presenting anything to them. The word "self-indulgent" works for both.

Plus, bad fiction writing is much funnier than just run-of-the-mill bad writing.
posted by vogon_poet at 12:37 PM on December 22, 2013


My Pacific Rim-World War Z slashfic basically has the Jaegers turning into zombies, because some solanum gets into the neural bridge or whatever, anyway it's fucking cool as hell, the soundtrack is by Russian Circles, check it out on my LJ.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:02 PM on December 22, 2013


I think, that's the complaint about all the worst fanfic: the author is bleeding through more than we can accept, so it's not really a story, they're just kind of scribbling down their thoughts.

To be fair, that's true of a lot of professional writers, as well. If I can tell your personal kinks and squicks from the text of a novel, that's ... more than I want to know. (Yes, S.M. Stirling, I am looking at you and your weird obsession with ethnicity...)
posted by suelac at 3:59 PM on December 22, 2013


I am very surprised no one has mentioned ComicsNix yet.
posted by baconaut at 7:51 AM on December 23, 2013


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