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"I am Worf, Son of Mogh."
March 4, 2014 8:47 PM   Subscribe

Just some old school ST:TNG for your Tuesday night: "The Worf of Starfleet"

The distinctive yellow title cards and Kanye West's "Black Skinhead" have made the original "Wolf of Wall Street" trailer ripe for parody, so here's a few more for your amusement:

"The Teen Wolf of Wall Street"
Disney's "Blank Check"
Cornell University Autonomous Underwater Vehicle Team
"The Women of Wall Street"
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI (47 comments total) 26 users marked this as a favorite

 
Oh it's the other teen wolf.

I liked the Worf one.
posted by The Whelk at 9:01 PM on March 4


I feel like that pretty accurately reflects my TNG and DS9 watching experience.
posted by Mizu at 9:03 PM on March 4


Worf's deadpan "Die" response to Q is definitely one of my favourite Trek lines of all time.
posted by dry white toast at 9:15 PM on March 4 [9 favorites]


Here's a random thought I just had: ST:TNG has now been off the air longer than the original Star Trek had been when TNG began.
posted by bowline at 9:21 PM on March 4 [8 favorites]


all that proves to me is that we need a new series again.
posted by emptythought at 9:27 PM on March 4 [6 favorites]


bowline, the moment I first realized that was the moment I began to feel old.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:28 PM on March 4 [2 favorites]


starfleet medical drama
posted by The Whelk at 9:29 PM on March 4 [7 favorites]


The series I've always wanted was a spinoff from when Kirk gets trapped in the evil-verse. So Kirk returns to goody goody Star Fleet prime and we then follow the goateed Spock as he assumes control of the alternate Enterprise and wages rebellion and holy hell against the corrupt Star Fleet/universe

that. would. rock
posted by edgeways at 9:35 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]


Worf's deadpan "Die" response to Q is definitely one of my favourite Trek lines of all time.

One of my favourites is from Time's Arrow when at the end of a meeting he tell Riker:

If we find Commander Data it may be our fate to die with him in the past. If our remains are in that cavern, they would have turned to dust long ago.
posted by juiceCake at 10:01 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]


Eat any good books lately?
posted by bicyclefish at 10:11 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]


The series I've always wanted was a spinoff from when Kirk gets trapped in the evil-verse.

There are several episodes of DS9 about this.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:21 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]


starfleet medical drama

Star Trek: Daystrom Institute.

(Star Trek meets a slightly more serious version of Eureka.)
posted by Jonathan Livengood at 10:22 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]


"Congratulations. You are fully dilated to ten centimeters. You may now give birth."

The entire episode where Worf is acting as Keiko's midwife was great, but those scenes were hilarious.

Worf: "My computer simulation was NOT like this. THAT delivery was very orderly."
Keiko: "Well, I'm sorry!"
posted by zarq at 10:28 PM on March 4 [9 favorites]


Paramount can do whatever silly stuff it likes with the reboot films if we can have Captain Worf on TV for real.
posted by EatTheWeak at 10:46 PM on March 4 [2 favorites]


My favourite Worf-centric episode.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 10:46 PM on March 4 [2 favorites]


Minsk
posted by ceribus peribus at 11:05 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]


I can't stop giggling at this.
posted by brundlefly at 12:24 AM on March 5 [1 favorite]


Holy moly. I don't know why March 5, 2014 is Worf Day here on MetaFilter, but I approve (and I hope there's more to come). Today I am a merry man!
posted by barnacles at 2:58 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]


Oh it's the other teen wolf.

It's the real Teen Wolf.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:02 AM on March 5 [3 favorites]


I think I have mentioned this in other threads, but ST:TNG was one of the only shows that my whole family would watch together. My sister was the biggest Trek fan, but my mom and dad would both watch TNG, too.

I recently started rewatching TNG on Netflix. The show is very much a 90s artifact, with its utopian, if naive, visions of diversity, sexual equality (this part is well-intentioned, but achingly behind the times) and technological progress. Some of the episodes fall completely flat with a modern rewatching, but I have noticed that the Worf episodes are often the best ones.

Here's to Worf! And here's to Worf Days on Metafilter!
posted by Slothrop at 4:46 AM on March 5 [1 favorite]


Can we please at least get a new animated Trek show? Please?
posted by drezdn at 5:31 AM on March 5 [1 favorite]


starfleet medical drama

NO.

4-year show about a new crop of cadets at Starfleet Academy. Story mapped out before a camera is turned on--call JMS for this. Opening shot: Adm. Janeway giving a welcoming address. Final shot: cast dispersing to their various new assignments.

Two years later you have a movie, starring the same characters. Or maybe a subset of the most popular ones. That segues into another 4 year series, or perhaps two years, movie, two years, movie.

Take place in the future of the ST universe, so there's no GODDAMN FUCK YOU STUPID LAZY WRITER SHIT TIME TRAVEL ARGH. And not fucking retconning. And no goddamn rebooting for fuck's sake. I mean yeah sure it's nice to look at Chris Pine and Zach Quinto (Kirk's totally a bottom, duh) and dream, but fuck me sideways those movies sucked sweaty goat balls.

What I'm saying is STOP MAKING THE SAME STUPID LAZY MISTAKES and hire a good storyteller and tell a coherent 4-year story.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:04 AM on March 5 [4 favorites]


meta
posted by leotrotsky at 6:12 AM on March 5


GODDAMN FUCK YOU STUPID LAZY WRITER SHIT TIME TRAVEL ARGH

Time travel was one of Roddenberry's favorite plot devices. If you can't handle the time travel, then you should probably watch something else.
posted by Brocktoon at 9:06 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]


Huh.

The kid in Blank Check was played by Brian Bonsall. Worf's son was played by Brian Bonsall. Michael J. Fox's brother on Family Ties was played by Brian Bonsall.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:27 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]


The kid in Blank Check was played by Brian Bonsall. Worf's son was played by Brian Bonsall. Michael J. Fox's brother on Family Ties was played by Brian Bonsall.

Sys Rq, your freaking me out more that those Marijuana videos from the Onion.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 10:40 AM on March 5


WE'RE THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS HERE, PEOPLE!
posted by Sys Rq at 11:33 AM on March 5


Time travel was one of Roddenberry's favorite plot devices

Thank you for making my argument for me.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:54 AM on March 5


I'm not sure what your point is now, except that maybe you're not a fan of a Star Trek, and you like telling everyone this with really colorful and graphic language in caps lock.
posted by Brocktoon at 3:21 PM on March 5 [1 favorite]


There's no picking a favorite Worf moment of course but if someone held a bat'leth to my throat and demanded a decision, I'd go with the end of "By Inferno's Light" in DS9. You remember - when the captain of the Jem'hadar guard comes to understand the truth of Worf:

"I cannot beat this Klingon - I can only kill him"
posted by EatTheWeak at 3:54 PM on March 5 [2 favorites]


"...and that no longer holds my interest."

"Kill them both."
posted by zarq at 3:58 PM on March 5 [2 favorites]


I've always like this one:

Worf: I have a sense of humor. On the Enterprise, I was considered to be quite amusing."
Jadzia: "That must've been one dull ship."
Worf: "That is a joke! I get it. It is not funny, but I get it."
posted by zarq at 4:04 PM on March 5 [3 favorites]


I'm not sure what your point is now, except that maybe you're not a fan of a Star Trek, and you like telling everyone this with really colorful and graphic language in caps lock.

I love all things Trek, more or less. I deplore bad, lazy writing. That Roddenberry's favourite device was time travel isn't really a good thing in my mind--it was just a lot of lazy storytelling. TNG had its moments of very good writing, but when the writers phoned it in, oh fuck. (Obviously Yesterday's Enterprise was emphatically not lazy time travel writing, it was the best episode of the series by a wide margin and if you disagree it's Punji sticks at dawn).

I just want to see a new Trek series that takes place after everything we already know. Say 25 years after Voyager. You can have some of the old hands around as octogenarians briefly (cf McCoy on TNG, also Scotty sortof, Spock's different I suppose) to maintain some continuity, but at the end of the day: tell a new story. Time travel episodes, unless really well done, have no real tension; it's episodic TV and we know everything does a cold reset after the end of the show, so we know the current timeline is going to be preserved. So stop it. Just stop it. Reboots? Go away. Setting a series further back in time? What's the point? There's no tension; we know how stuff works out in the end.

I just want more, good Star Trek that hews closer to the long-form end of the TV spectrum and actually mines new territory.

Pretty please?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 5:36 PM on March 5 [1 favorite]


So the best episode of TNG had time travel? And one of the best episode of DS9 had time travel (Trials and Tribble-ations)? And Voyager too (Year of Hell)? All around fantastic writing and performances. What you don't like is bad writing (join the club!). Time travel doesn't seem to be the common factor here, seeing as how there are both good and bad time travel episodes. A lot of us also managed to enjoy the reboot, so maybe you'd be willing to tone down the references to goat genitalia when mentioning them.
posted by Brocktoon at 6:41 PM on March 5 [1 favorite]


If you can't discern hyperbole for amusing effect--I mean seriously, do you think I was literally comparing it to sucking on sweaty goat balls?--then I believe Metafilter may not be the place for you.

Yes, the best episode of TNG involved time travel. So did virtually all of the worst episodes, in my opinion. Exception proves the rule, etc.

All of the Voyager time travel episodes were terrible, as far as I can recall.

And the reboots are awful from soup to nuts, made by someone who clearly just doesn't understand what Star Trek is about or the basic rules of the ST universe.

Point 1: Kirk, on a motorcycles ffs, staring at a zero-G spaceship being built... on Earth. Come the fuck on.

Just got worse from there. Reboots are virtually always lazy and boring. (I will exempt Batman from that list, because it comes from the comic book tradition where that sort of thing is done all the time and it's just How Things Are.) Sure, the cast is nice and pretty to look at but that's it. The scriptwriting is not exactly awesome, the acting is serviceable at best, and it makes every episode of TNG, DS9, and V bizarre because suddenly people a hundred years previously had much better technology.

Ugh. The reboots just.. ugh ugh ugh. Like 'em if you want, I'm not judging you.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 5:32 AM on March 6


No need to worry, all of the time travel episodes were erased from this timeline by the Suliban.
posted by drezdn at 5:42 AM on March 6


feckless fecal fear mongering: " Point 1: Kirk, on a motorcycles ffs, staring at a zero-G spaceship being built... on Earth. Come the fuck on. "

There was a wonderful sequence in Dan Simmons' book Endymion, where the lead character asks his spaceship if it will survive being submerged in a river for half a year. The ship indignantly replies that it is designed to function in a star's coronasphere, and that it won't be damaged by a little water. He tells it to remember to close its airlock. :)

I'm not a physicist or rocket scientist, but I suspect that for a ship that can with stand harsh gravitational conditions and function inside a nebula or star, the issue probably isn't whether it could be built on Earth but rather if it could achieve escape velocity once constructed.

The two movies Abrams has released show a different Enterprise than the one from TOS. The Abrams version was designed to function aerodynamically in a planet's atmosphere as well as achieve it's own escape velocity. TOS showed the Constitution Class only being able to function in the upper atmosphere of a Class M planet.
posted by zarq at 8:28 AM on March 6


Yeah, but it just doesn't make any sense to build something that basically lives in space at the bottom of a huge gravity well. It's just stupid in all sorts of ways.

I mean I get that transporters and warp drive are handwavey technobabble--but they both serve to advance the plot ("Next week, watch the crew stare out the portholes, again, on their long trip from Earth to Mars"), and more importantly they both make sense in the context of the shows and movies.

Building the Enterprise on a planet makes about as much sense as building a boat in the middle of the desert. There's a reason, in the ST universe, that the shipyards orbit above Mars: you have access to the entire thing from all angles, you don't need specialized machinery just to lift stuff into place--all you need is enough delta-v to overcome the mass of whatever gigantic hunk of metal you're currently welding in.

It just bugs me. So much.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:36 AM on March 6


*nod*

Especially considering that Enterprise still takes place in the Abram's Trek universe, and the show featured both an orbiting shipyard and space station above Mars and Earth.
posted by zarq at 8:51 AM on March 6


Point 1: Kirk, on a motorcycles ffs, staring at a zero-G spaceship being built... on Earth. Come the fuck on.

See also how Khan's use of a transporter to go from Earth to Kronos in STiD essentially did away with the need for spaceships entirely.

I actually enjoy the first Star Trek reboot as a fun action film with a great cast, but man STiD blows on so many levels.
posted by brundlefly at 9:36 AM on March 6


One thing I've always wondered about transporters is why no one made a series of transporter repeaters. So you have one on a planet surface, one in orbit, and then a string of them at a distance that doesn't allow signal degradation. You could send people across a system with minimal effort.

The best guess is that Big Shuttlecraft has been keeping the technology surpressed.
posted by drezdn at 3:06 PM on March 6 [3 favorites]


That is actually a seriously cool idea. They already established in canon that you can basically live forever in a transporter buffer (the episode with Scotty), so that would not only be a really neat idea, it would fit in the canon.

And it would make a really cool backdrop story for a new series. Say the Federation decides that this would be a cool and feasible thing. So through the series you could show the technology being developed, deployed, delayed, attacked (maybe there are elements in the Federation who don't want interstellar travel to be quite so easy? Maybe the Romulans or whoever get really antsy about the practical implications of Starfleet military being able to essentially drop unlimited manpower into any fight so they blow it up? maybe there's some new Prosthetic Forehead People who want to destroy it for the same reason?) , unforeseen consequences -- what if it turns out that this sort of long-distance teleportation messes you up somehow over time, so you can then build into the series the idea that it's long-distance, not infinite-distance, so ships are still needed. You could also engineer a bunch of dramatic tension with people having to risk their lives to go over their maximum safe lifetime exposure to long-distance teleportation.

Maybe I'm beanplating. I dunno I think it could be cool.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:56 PM on March 6 [2 favorites]


Speaking of transporter potential, why not make big enough transporters, assemble ships on planet surfaces then beam them into orbit. Or, store the ships and crew in buffer, send a single stealth ship into $_enemy space and BAM instant invasion force.

Why don't invasion forces just get picked up by transporter, or .... I LIKE Star Trek but I've always thought there was scant use of lateral thinking by the characters. Hell, the holodeck should have been shut down after it nearly destroys the ship for the billionth ttime.... Etc
posted by edgeways at 6:13 PM on March 6


ugh, Holodeck episodes.

First off, ain't no way no how everybody doesn't have a couple of 'private entertainment' programs. Barclay notwithstanding, I'd have to assume Holosex would be even more prevalent and less judged than porn today.

Second, if the Holodeck can functionally create an infinite space, why are all Holodeck episodes virtually (heh) bottle episodes?

Third, if the Holodeck can essentially create any reality at will, why the helling crap is it not used as a problem-solving device--or a teaching/training tool--a hell of a lot more often? Why would you ever see kids running through the corridors of the Enterprise as opposed to getting tons of exercise in the Holodeck? Why do the adults only use it for LARPing? How are Holodecks not the primary artistic medium of the 24th century?

Fourth, why is it not used for communication? They have instantaneous visual communication, there's no reason the data sent couldn't be 3D. I mean, you could stay in your quarters and say "Computer, place a call to my friend Bleepnork on Zerbafloon Gamma," or each of you gets in your respective nearest Holodecks and you go for a walk in the woods together while having a conversation.

Hi I'm from MetaFilter and I could etc.

Or, store the ships and crew in buffer, send a single stealth ship into $_enemy space and BAM instant invasion force.

Yeah this is one of the things that TNG (and Voyager) really sucked at, but DS9 did a little better; some sort of continuity. Scotty proved that it could be done, how is Starfleet not sending suicide/strike teams in teeny tiny little ships everywhere?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:01 PM on March 6 [3 favorites]


Stargate did many, many episodes where they had people moving long distances by traveling through multiple rings along the network. Stargate Universe had a brilliant two episode arc where stranded personnel use the gate network to catch up to the Destiny. The concept is a great one, and should definitely be applied to Star Trek.
posted by zarq at 2:49 AM on March 7 [1 favorite]


And it would make a really cool backdrop story for a new series. Say the Federation decides that this would be a cool and feasible thing.

There's sort of a precedent for the motivation to develop this technology too. Remember in TNG how they discovered that warp drive actually damages space, like tearing holes in the universe? and then they restrict warp speed even in emergencies, and set even lower limits for typical use?

Transporter network, bam, problem solved. ships only exist to maintain it and defend it. And hell, a lot of those ships could be totally autonomous. And now, the ships that go out there to explore are really alone, with most of the people just zipping around on that network.

This sounds like it could be a good book in the whole pile of extended universe-y star trek books if the right author did it. I'd read it, anyways.
posted by emptythought at 4:48 AM on March 7 [2 favorites]


It's sort of similar to (amongst others) a Harry Harrison short story (The Repairman)where though people traveled via ships those ships had to jump from beacon to beacon. setting the beacons or repairing them when they broke required relative slow boat travel, which meant little to no back-up and often solo operators having to deal with whole civilizations.
posted by edgeways at 1:35 PM on March 7 [2 favorites]


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