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“I hate everyone I know.”
March 24, 2014 11:22 AM   Subscribe

Facebook Fatigue [SLYT] [via: comediva]
posted by Fizz (60 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
I would like to replace all my Facebook friends with cats.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:33 AM on March 24 [5 favorites]


I would like to replace all my Facebook friends with cats.

Looks like catbook.com is being cybersquatted.
posted by localroger at 11:37 AM on March 24 [1 favorite]


I hate every ape I see, from Chimpan A to Chimpan Z...
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:41 AM on March 24 [17 favorites]


This is pretty much what I do and everyone acts like I'm weird because I only see things from people I actually like rather than reading everyone's drivel.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 11:41 AM on March 24 [1 favorite]


I manage to hate everyone I know without Facebook!

Also, the line "what sorcery is this?" is ALWAYS funny and I liked her stuffed hippo.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:43 AM on March 24 [4 favorites]


unbaby.me does replace baby pictures with cats. Oh I see, it's funny because it's true.
posted by dabitch at 11:50 AM on March 24


I strive to be the person on Facebook all my Facebook friends hate. I think I'm doing a pretty good job.
posted by Decani at 11:51 AM on March 24 [1 favorite]


Looks like catbook.com is being cybersquatted.

But not cat-scan.com!
posted by Melismata at 11:53 AM on March 24 [1 favorite]


I am somewhat ashamed to admit I would probably use a "Hide Successful Friends" option were it available, so that every visit to Facebook didn't include such a high probability of triggering a "WHY HAS EVERY DECISION I'VE MADE ABOUT MY LIFE SINCE JUNIOR HIGH BEEN SO WRONG???" panic attack.

I don't know what algorithm Facebook uses to figure out how to put relevant advertising into my feed, but I've noticed some egregious errors. I'm a die-hard 49ers fan, who has once or twice visited the Seattle Seahawks page to get my rage on over the terrible things their fans were saying about my favorite team. Somehow, Facebook took this to mean I am a huge Seahawks fan and constantly floods my page with ads for Seahawks merchandise.
posted by The Gooch at 12:06 PM on March 24 [16 favorites]


Is this something I would need a facebook account to understand?
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 12:07 PM on March 24 [2 favorites]


unbaby.me does replace baby pictures with cats

Rather doesn't really work all that well (it can only disappear status updates based on the text included, and doesn't offer any options to actually edit the list of blocked keywords yourself).

I don't see why, with all the facial recognition Facebook has, it won't just let us block all baby/whatever photos. They've even removed the option they used to have for blocking just photos from specific people -- now it's all or nothing.

I don't think there's a no-photo feed option unless you outright disable images in your browser.
posted by asperity at 12:09 PM on March 24


I am somewhat ashamed to admit I would probably use a "Hide Successful Friends" option were it available, so that every visit to Facebook didn't include such a high probability of triggering a "WHY HAS EVERY DECISION I'VE MADE ABOUT MY LIFE SINCE JUNIOR HIGH BEEN SO WRONG???" panic attack.

Yeah, it turns out my Secret Hidden Being a Bad Person Superpower is making friends and family members feel better by explaining how all of their friends are just as miserable as they are.

At some point my brother was really down because he'd gotten one of those Christmas newsletters from a college friend and it was all about how great everything was and opportunities and it seemed pretty transparently to be putting the happy face of new opportunity on the sad reality of career instability and watching his face light up as I read his friend's letter and pointed out how each sentence proved she was no happier than he was just warmed my misanthropic little heart.

I love my brother but I dislike basically everybody.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:14 PM on March 24 [16 favorites]


I dislike basically everybody.

Note: This is not actually true, I'm just absolutely terrified of people/social interactions. I'm sure you are all very nice people and I would be happy to be your friend if I weren't so scared of you.

posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:15 PM on March 24 [20 favorites]


I discovered last night that someone I knew in college and who turned out to be much more annoying on fb than anticipated did me the favor of unfriending me! Whew!
posted by rtha at 12:16 PM on March 24 [5 favorites]


My facebook friends have figured this out by all of them putting me on hide and not seeing anything I post.
posted by bleep at 12:18 PM on March 24 [3 favorites]


Pfft, I don't even need Facebook to hate everyone I know. I hated everyone I knew before it was cool!

In all seriousness, though, Facebook never recovered from my parents and their friends joining. That ruined everything.
posted by quincunx at 12:18 PM on March 24


I treat FB like my other (bowdlerized) mlkshk. I bet I am well-hid by many.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 12:19 PM on March 24


Is this something I would need a facebook account to understand?

Nope, just friends.

ZING.
posted by Atreides at 12:19 PM on March 24 [14 favorites]


I use hide all the time. A friend of mine is currently hosting Facebook games to guess her soon to be born baby's name, weight, eye color, hair color, first word, etc. Sorry, but I don't need to read about that every day.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 12:21 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]


“I hate everyone I know.”

You and eyeballkid...
posted by y2karl at 12:21 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]


Oh roomthreesventeen, I feel your pain. I will buy you a drink if I ever meet you. My cousin's wife posted 80 pictures in memory of her cat after it died. Then she had a baby.
posted by Melismata at 12:24 PM on March 24 [3 favorites]


I hated everyone I knew before it was cool!

See also...
posted by y2karl at 12:24 PM on March 24


Every once in a while I wonder why my FB feed is so quiet and then I remember how many people I've blocked.

Then I post more pictures of my cats.
posted by octothorpe at 12:29 PM on March 24 [8 favorites]


My cousin's wife posted 80 pictures in memory of her cat after it died. Then she had a baby.

Cat?
posted by cashman at 12:32 PM on March 24


One of the best things about Facebook is the ability to say "Hush, you," without the other person noticing. They go on posting the latest Facebook outrage, or sharing the same tedious memes that everybody posts (I don't really care what medieval profession you were), or offering vague complaints that they never elucidate on despite concerned friends repeatedly asking, or having intensely personal two-person conversations in public, or post photos of their children, or bizarre political screeds, or any other irritant, and I can simply make them be quiet.

Life should have a mute button.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 12:34 PM on March 24 [7 favorites]


One of the best things about Facebook is the ability to say "Hush, you," without the other person noticing.

Yes indeed. In fact, the biggest problem that Facebook had with Social Fixer was that one of its features was revealing who had defriended you. That feature has now been removed.
posted by Melismata at 12:37 PM on March 24


watching his face light up as I read his friend's letter and pointed out how each sentence proved she was no happier than he

I would like to subscribe to THAT newsletter. Christmas Letter Takedown with Mrs. Pterodactyl.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:40 PM on March 24 [4 favorites]


John Stewart had Seth MacFarlane on the Daily Show a few weeks ago. At about 3:40 they start talking about the joys of twitter. By 4:20 Seth states everybody is sick to death of twitter and the discussion goes onto the failings of twitter and how brutal it can be. Basically, social media has become Wargames. The only way to win is not to play.
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:42 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]


I would like to subscribe to THAT newsletter. Christmas Letter Takedown with Mrs. Pterodactyl.

Round 2 of the Marginalia Swap!
posted by arcticseal at 12:54 PM on March 24


misanthrope.fu
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:56 PM on March 24 [3 favorites]


I'm pretty sure that at this point 50% of Facebook is people posting the results of inane BuzzFeed quizes about "What type of toaster pastry are you?" or some such.

"I got Brown-sugar cinnamon! What did you get?"
posted by octothorpe at 1:04 PM on March 24 [5 favorites]


The main reason I left FB a few years ago was because they seemed to change the algorithm which determined who showed up in your feed and how often to favour a) those who posted the most and b) those who mentioned products. So I had 60-odd friends, but my feed consisted of the same half-dozen people going on about movie trailers or "joking" about chain restaurants and processed food.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:19 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]


this weekend i hated everyone I knew (on FB) who seemed to have time to be creative.

good times.
posted by allthinky at 1:22 PM on March 24 [2 favorites]


I got "which kind of roadside debris are you?", which quiz classifying your personality as an instance of a category did you get?
posted by idiopath at 1:26 PM on March 24 [3 favorites]


The main reason I left FB a few years ago was because they seemed to change the algorithm which determined who showed up in your feed and how often to favour a) those who posted the most and b) those who mentioned products. So I had 60-odd friends, but my feed consisted of the same half-dozen people going on about movie trailers or "joking" about chain restaurants and processed food.

Yeah. This almost drove me off as well. You can work around it to a degree by changing the feed to "most recent", a setting they make as hard to find as possible, and move with suspicious regularity. Also since the last iOS client update, it seems to revert back on its own even while viewing it, though I haven't pinpointed the exact trigger for that yet. I suspect it is only a matter of time before it's eliminated as an option entirely.
posted by cj_ at 1:28 PM on March 24


I like to think the unmitigated disaster of my life as documented on Facebook makes my friends feel better about themselves. My motto: if you can't be a good example, be a cautionary tale.
posted by Jacqueline at 1:58 PM on March 24 [8 favorites]


Is this something I would need a facebook account to understand?

Congratulations, I have a subatomic trophy to give you for your achievement; please share with us the other things you don't have so we can marvel and applaud.
posted by smoke at 2:44 PM on March 24 [2 favorites]


I think people who actually want to see all the content in their feeds are in a minority.
But you can make a list that includes everyone, and this forces it to pull in all their content. I actually get relieved to see peoples' stupid game updates, because it means the content is actually coming through. I guess I'm a weirdo for wanting to see what my friends are up to, and unfriending people who aren't my friends. I don't know what the point of facebook even is if people are so uninterested in its actual main use case.
posted by bleep at 2:47 PM on March 24


i just hid every single one of the mutual friends that i had with my ex.... feels like someone has nudged the radio dial from a staticky spot to a clear one, but that might just be me.

at some level, facebook has just turned people into directories and we're just adjusting the permissions.

hah.
posted by raihan_ at 3:00 PM on March 24 [3 favorites]


Facebook has morphed for me over the years from a place where I connected with high school classmates from 25 years ago (what a bunch of fucking assholes) and people I actually know, to a place where I connect with like-minded folks with similar experiences. So, other Japanese-English translators, and other folks with a strong Japan connection. It's a water cooler for me during the day (I work from home), and there is more common ground to be found than in some other web forums.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:05 PM on March 24


Warning: Before getting to view the Facebook Fatigue video clip, you may encounter YouTube pre-roll ad fatigue.
posted by wensink at 3:06 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]


"I only see things from people I actually like rather than reading everyone's drivel."

This is a very easy issue to solve. Facebook "friends" != actual friends. If you know anyone that can't handle that, um, come on. Don't know those people.
posted by trackofalljades at 3:18 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]


at some level, facebook has just turned people into directories and we're just adjusting the permissions.


I got rid of Facebook about 5 years ago but I still recall a status update my one friend posted:

"Facebook, collecting friends like Pokemon cards."
posted by Fizz at 3:36 PM on March 24


Wait, people here get on Facebook not drunk?
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:46 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]


Facebook has morphed for me over the years from a place where I connected with high school classmates from 25 years ago (what a bunch of fucking assholes) and people I actually know, to a place where I connect with like-minded folks with similar experiences.

Does that mean you can also specify who sees your posts, in addition to blocking "friends" whose posts you no longer want to see? Sorry if the answer is obvious but I no longer use FB for precisely that reason. I'd like a do-over so I can communicate with a select group of real friends without attracting the attention of a couple hundred people I don't really remember.
posted by mono blanco at 3:50 PM on March 24


Yes, it does. You can now hide the updates from people whose posts you don't want to see. Also, you can hide the annoying game updates too.
posted by arcticseal at 3:59 PM on March 24


Wait, people here get on Facebook not drunk?

My posts have gotten a lot duller since I stopped taking Ambien, that's for sure.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:24 PM on March 24 [4 favorites]


+1 for "what sorcery is this?"
posted by jessamyn at 4:26 PM on March 24


Wait, so you guys don't keep those friends who have the diametrically opposed political and religious views just so you can see how the other side thinks silently judge them?

Because I totally don't do that, either.
posted by Hamusutaa at 4:37 PM on March 24 [2 favorites]


I do all of my social media correspondence via 2400 baud computer terminal, just like Woody Allen.
posted by i_have_a_computer at 5:09 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]



I would like to replace all my Facebook friends with cats.

My cats have already done that for me!
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 5:10 PM on March 24


Wait, so you guys don't keep those friends who have the diametrically opposed political and religious views just so you can silently judge them?

I'm a Canadian from the Left Coast, but many of my Facebook friends come from the States, and, believe it or not, Americans have a unique and foreign perspective on the world.

On top of that, I have friends who self-identify as Libertarians, and I have other friends who are gun nuts. Other friends are devoutly religious. I have some friends who are massive Obama and Obamacare supporters, and others who for very good personal reasons hate Obamacare.

Obviously the one common theme is a shared experience - our kids and wives are all Japanese, and we have a deeper understanding of the country than can be found anywhere else.

The one thing I do not tolerate are people who cannot respect or appreciate other points of view.
posted by KokuRyu at 6:15 PM on March 24


Making good use of lists, un-following, SocialFixer, and AdBlock make Facebook a somewhat bearable experience. I can't turn it off - it's like the modern day equivalent of unplugging an analog phone, but I can sure screen my calls. Remember when caller-ID and *69 came out? We felt like rock-stars.
posted by PuppyCat at 7:17 PM on March 24


I'm a die-hard 49ers fan, who has once or twice visited the Seattle Seahawks page to get my rage on over the terrible things their fans were saying about my favorite team. Somehow, Facebook took this to mean I am a huge Seahawks fan and constantly floods my page with ads for Seahawks merchandise.

I feel your pain.
posted by The Hamms Bear at 8:26 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]


John Stewart had Seth MacFarlane on the Daily Show a few weeks ago. At about 3:40 they start talking about the joys of twitter. By 4:20 Seth states everybody is sick to death of twitter and the discussion goes onto the failings of twitter and how brutal it can be.

Misogynistic MacRapeCulture has a difficult time with social media? That's shocking, it seems like a world made for people like him.

I've been getting a bit happier since recently I decided to actually start responding to people looking for social outings on FB. It's pretty easy to make an excuse if they don't actually want to go with me in particular (I try to give them an easy out) but it can be a good way to arrange outings sometimes.
posted by NoraReed at 10:03 PM on March 24


My facebook things to say now:

1) It's like the new place your angry racist grandma forwards you random shit that makes you cringe, except also with moms and aunts and shit

2) I was one of those strident GYOB people and still am, but nobody responds any more, so I'm pretty sure I've been hidden. Soon it will only cost $1 per friend to find the traitors and $10 to have them DDoS'd for one hour.

3) I still like scrolling through the list of "people you might know" and going NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPEN OPENOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NO OPEN NOPE NOT OPEN NO
posted by lordaych at 11:23 PM on March 24 [1 favorite]


I left out uncles and other dude family people in point #1 and the fact that unlike the FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:NEGR0EZ email from racist_grandma@yahoo.com, everyone else can see it too!

I have an uncle I've re-friended more than once after getting all annoyed and then being like "I must BND this mofo, for he is family." I just do me and my parents have shown zero interest in joining (yay) but every so often the uncle will have them check in to make sure I'm a functioning sane human member of society
posted by lordaych at 11:27 PM on March 24


'inane BuzzFeed quizes' I just answer Meryl Streep to all of them...
posted by judson at 11:58 AM on March 25 [1 favorite]


I taught a beginner facebook class tonight for a few rural Vermonters all of whom are older than me and all of whom had facebook accounts. Even before class started there was a lady who was saying "Man these people, I don't care what you had for dinner..." and when I posted something to my wall to say "Hi from class" and a bunch of people chimed in to say "Hi from Omaha!" or whatever, they were like "Don't these people have LIVES?" it's like teenaged ennui that grownups can have too!
posted by jessamyn at 5:30 PM on March 25 [2 favorites]


I've had to laugh at all the "replace baby pictures with cats" comments if only because the one group of Facebook friends who I find to be consistently more annoying than baby-picture obsessed parents are a handful of my childless friends who have clearly transferred whatever obsession that would otherwise be reserved for one's children onto their pets. Just last night I had one friend who updated Facebook at least 4-5 times within the course of the evening with photos and commentary every time one of her cats changed seating positions.
posted by The Gooch at 8:13 AM on March 26 [1 favorite]


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