Please don't give me that look.
June 21, 2014 7:56 PM Subscribe
It's only one minute long but it has an awesome combination of sweetness and extreme tension, suspense, and terror. I'm so delighted by it.
posted by palegirl at 8:26 PM on June 21, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by palegirl at 8:26 PM on June 21, 2014 [4 favorites]
I know that must have been really scary and kind of crazy because I know I get infuriated when there is a fruit fly or a gnat in my place. But at the end of it I didn't see why he had to throw the lil homie like that. I guess it's impressive that he got it out of the house while filming it at the same time. But that might explain why it took 45 minutes or whatever.
posted by cashman at 8:26 PM on June 21, 2014
posted by cashman at 8:26 PM on June 21, 2014
Geez dude, chill - it's a little ol' owl; not, like, a nest of enraged hornets.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:34 PM on June 21, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:34 PM on June 21, 2014 [5 favorites]
Well I mean I haven't had the chance to deal with an owl non al fresco but I would hope I'd have the presence of mind to do it in landscape mode, god's own axial tilt.
posted by angerbot at 8:34 PM on June 21, 2014 [11 favorites]
posted by angerbot at 8:34 PM on June 21, 2014 [11 favorites]
And that's why he never got to go to Hogwarts.
posted by maxsparber at 8:39 PM on June 21, 2014 [18 favorites]
posted by maxsparber at 8:39 PM on June 21, 2014 [18 favorites]
Greg_Ace: Geez dude, chill - it's a little ol' owl, not, like, a nest of enraged hornets.
I think I'll take the hornets. An owl in fight or flight mode will straight fuck up your face.
posted by tonycpsu at 8:45 PM on June 21, 2014 [6 favorites]
I think I'll take the hornets. An owl in fight or flight mode will straight fuck up your face.
posted by tonycpsu at 8:45 PM on June 21, 2014 [6 favorites]
Having an outside bird inside ones house is one of those things that takes FOREVER to resolve, and you basically spend the next 4+ hours trying to get it to understand that if it just went down and then back the way it came, it would be free and happy. Childhood memories of a sparrow that somehow got inside (definitely not due to said child leaving the window open nopenopenope) and the ensuing ruckus it took to get it back outside. I think we only managed to return it, al fresco as angerbot says, when it got worn out and tired and had decided to let that shoebox eat it. What a shock it must have received when that box monster didn't eat it but instead returned it to the bright wild world...
posted by msbutah at 8:45 PM on June 21, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by msbutah at 8:45 PM on June 21, 2014 [4 favorites]
The owl's laser-like stare at the camera is what made this for me.
You may think you're getting rid of me.... but I remember your face... every last pore.
posted by metaquarry at 8:48 PM on June 21, 2014 [9 favorites]
You may think you're getting rid of me.... but I remember your face... every last pore.
posted by metaquarry at 8:48 PM on June 21, 2014 [9 favorites]
I would've spent four more hours rigging an elaborate pulley system to slam the window on the broom handle once the bird got outside.
posted by michaelh at 8:52 PM on June 21, 2014
posted by michaelh at 8:52 PM on June 21, 2014
dooooonnnnnn't flyyyyyyyyyyy
posted by flyingsquirrel at 9:01 PM on June 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by flyingsquirrel at 9:01 PM on June 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
That might be the most genuine "Fuck, yeah!" I've ever heard.
posted by gladly at 9:11 PM on June 21, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by gladly at 9:11 PM on June 21, 2014 [6 favorites]
Glad you got the owl out of your house, dude. Hope you weren't planning on using that lifeforce its stare drained from your body.
posted by vverse23 at 9:14 PM on June 21, 2014 [10 favorites]
posted by vverse23 at 9:14 PM on June 21, 2014 [10 favorites]
My analogous experience to this was coming home one day to find a baby-ish rat perched on the swag hook that held my fruit basket. Its four tiny paws were desperately clinging to the point of the hook, fruit basket swaying below. Meanwhile, my 6-pound hunter cat was on the kitchen table, trying to figure out how to scale the wall and get the rat.
It was my first experience with an in-house rodent, so I did what I always do: I assessed the situation, formed what I thought was a workable plan, and called my Dad for verification.
My plan -- which seemed brilliant at the time -- was to aim the extended arm of the ShopVac at the rat-on-swag-hook, either suctioning it onto the end of the vacuum hose or sucking it *into* the ShopVac's reservoir, with either method providing a means of disposal.
The phone call to my dad went kind of like:
Me: Dad, if I were to try to suck a rat into the ShopVac, it wouldn't get all torn up or anything, right? I mean, I don't want to kill it.
My dad, and my mother in the background, howled with laughter at the fact that THAT was what I came up with. And I have never lived it down.
Woe to this man who rescued an owl with a Swiffer, is what I'm saying.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:15 PM on June 21, 2014 [12 favorites]
It was my first experience with an in-house rodent, so I did what I always do: I assessed the situation, formed what I thought was a workable plan, and called my Dad for verification.
My plan -- which seemed brilliant at the time -- was to aim the extended arm of the ShopVac at the rat-on-swag-hook, either suctioning it onto the end of the vacuum hose or sucking it *into* the ShopVac's reservoir, with either method providing a means of disposal.
The phone call to my dad went kind of like:
Me: Dad, if I were to try to suck a rat into the ShopVac, it wouldn't get all torn up or anything, right? I mean, I don't want to kill it.
My dad, and my mother in the background, howled with laughter at the fact that THAT was what I came up with. And I have never lived it down.
Woe to this man who rescued an owl with a Swiffer, is what I'm saying.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:15 PM on June 21, 2014 [12 favorites]
So, how did you get the rat? You can't leave us hanging like that.
posted by michaelh at 9:20 PM on June 21, 2014 [12 favorites]
posted by michaelh at 9:20 PM on June 21, 2014 [12 favorites]
An owl in fight or flight mode will straight fuck up your face.
Maybe, but that owl looked more like it was in "how the hell do I get away from this twit" mode.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:24 PM on June 21, 2014
Maybe, but that owl looked more like it was in "how the hell do I get away from this twit" mode.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:24 PM on June 21, 2014
So, how did you get the rat? You can't leave us hanging like that.
He fed it to the owl.
posted by Joe in Australia at 9:24 PM on June 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
He fed it to the owl.
posted by Joe in Australia at 9:24 PM on June 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
So, how did you get the rat? You can't leave us hanging like that.
Well, the disdainful laughter of my loving parents made me abandon the ShopVac approach. I instead tried to knock it into the trash can with a broom handle.
Mind you, the rat was literally 8 feet off the ground. The rat did not make it into the trash can, of course. (Seriously, you try to knock a live rat into a trash can with a broom handle. Try it.) But it did get knocked to the ground. It squeezed under the pantry doors and hid safely from the cat. I set a humane trap in the pantry. In the morning, the little rat was in the humane trap, but was dead. :(
ShopVac would have been quicker, and would have resulted in the rat being set free in my neighbor's yard -- a win for everyone but the neighbor (who deserved rats).
Don't audibly laugh at your adult children, people.
So, how did you get the rat? You can't leave us hanging like that.
He fed it to the owl.
SHE
posted by mudpuppie at 9:30 PM on June 21, 2014 [13 favorites]
Well, the disdainful laughter of my loving parents made me abandon the ShopVac approach. I instead tried to knock it into the trash can with a broom handle.
Mind you, the rat was literally 8 feet off the ground. The rat did not make it into the trash can, of course. (Seriously, you try to knock a live rat into a trash can with a broom handle. Try it.) But it did get knocked to the ground. It squeezed under the pantry doors and hid safely from the cat. I set a humane trap in the pantry. In the morning, the little rat was in the humane trap, but was dead. :(
ShopVac would have been quicker, and would have resulted in the rat being set free in my neighbor's yard -- a win for everyone but the neighbor (who deserved rats).
Don't audibly laugh at your adult children, people.
So, how did you get the rat? You can't leave us hanging like that.
He fed it to the owl.
SHE
posted by mudpuppie at 9:30 PM on June 21, 2014 [13 favorites]
（＠´＿｀＠）
posted by Joe in Australia at 9:49 PM on June 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Joe in Australia at 9:49 PM on June 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
I need Part One to be my ringtone.
posted by Lou Stuells at 9:51 PM on June 21, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Lou Stuells at 9:51 PM on June 21, 2014 [2 favorites]
Birds are often unpredictable, which is why they can be so terrifying. Even "pet" birds are wild animals :D We once had a starling that came down the chimney and dutifully closed the drapes, moved the budgie cage and took turns holding the front door open for the moment it would exit the fireplace and magically know where the exit was. It ended up flying upstairs and beating itself against a window and wall while I tried to pop the screen out. I think it all lasted fifteen minutes, but it felt longer and it was terrifying. There was soot everywhere afterwards!
posted by Calzephyr at 9:51 PM on June 21, 2014
posted by Calzephyr at 9:51 PM on June 21, 2014
we accept this kindness begrudgingly
posted by The Owls at 10:01 PM on June 21, 2014 [36 favorites]
posted by The Owls at 10:01 PM on June 21, 2014 [36 favorites]
ಠ\/ಠ
posted by Pyrogenesis at 12:18 AM on June 22, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Pyrogenesis at 12:18 AM on June 22, 2014 [5 favorites]
Some people WANT owls in their house... I always did!
Guy gets kudos for his success.....
posted by HuronBob at 2:37 AM on June 22, 2014
Guy gets kudos for his success.....
posted by HuronBob at 2:37 AM on June 22, 2014
Anyway, this is why you should always have screens in your windows.
posted by boo_radley at 2:49 AM on June 22, 2014
posted by boo_radley at 2:49 AM on June 22, 2014
Goddam owls are perfectly beautiful.....
That is all.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 3:28 AM on June 22, 2014 [4 favorites]
That is all.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 3:28 AM on June 22, 2014 [4 favorites]
Anyway, this is why you should always have screens in your windows.
"Aigh! My vole collection - ruined!"
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:46 AM on June 22, 2014 [10 favorites]
"Aigh! My vole collection - ruined!"
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:46 AM on June 22, 2014 [10 favorites]
You need to watch Part 1 if only for the sound he makes when it flies around.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:02 AM on June 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:02 AM on June 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
this is Dursley from the HP1 blooper reel, right?
posted by skippyhacker at 6:24 AM on June 22, 2014
posted by skippyhacker at 6:24 AM on June 22, 2014
Ah - brings back memories of our late lamented big orange cat catching and releasing in the house a full grown and exceedingly pissed off bluejay. Eventually landed on the floor and I threw a towel over it and gently grabbed it and let it go outdoors but I think I sounded more than a little like the guy in the video!
posted by leslies at 7:04 AM on June 22, 2014
posted by leslies at 7:04 AM on June 22, 2014
One of the irritating instinctual behaviors of birds is that, when they feel troubled, they want to fly up, where the sky and safety is, not cleverly through an open window which, while open and clearly connected to the outside world, is not as up as the curtain rods and tops of the bookshelves.
That said, whilst still in my previous employ as the administrative laird of Baltimore's three-hundred-foot clock tower built to advertise a tranquilizer-laden hangover remedy, I used to open the windows at the very top floor of the fifteen story open stairwell in the summer in an attempt to use a bit of convection to draw air through that otherwise muggy 1911 volume. It worked, after a fashion, and provided for the day when, returning from a bit of work to the clockworks in the upper reaches of the tower, I was surprised to see an enormous raven perched on the cast iron knob where the stair balustrade headed up into the aforementioned upper regions.
I paused, concerned for the moment that I was about to have my eyes plucked out like some sort of Biblical plague, then worked up my nerve and descended the stair, passing the large dark bird with the cultivated grandeur of Auntie Mame making her first appearance at a party.
"Nevermore, I suppose," I said to the glossy, iridescent bird that was silently regarding me with eyes like black beads, voicing the inherent Baltimortality of the situation. "Umm…shoo?"
"That way," I added, pointing at the open window.
The bird didn't move. I didn't move.
Knowing what I know about bird mechanics, I feared that the raven would take off, flying up, through the open door to the clock machine room, then up and up and up until reaching the bottleneck in the abandoned radio transmitting facility near the top of the tower, giving me a long frustrating task with a broom and a lot of shouting, so I just stood.
I was still. The bird was still.
After a time, it just turned, looked to the window I'd pointed out, then back to me, then it spread its wings wide like a dark cloak unfurling in wind, and left through the window.
I considered closing the window, but thought the better of it and left it open.
posted by sonascope at 7:12 AM on June 22, 2014 [34 favorites]
That said, whilst still in my previous employ as the administrative laird of Baltimore's three-hundred-foot clock tower built to advertise a tranquilizer-laden hangover remedy, I used to open the windows at the very top floor of the fifteen story open stairwell in the summer in an attempt to use a bit of convection to draw air through that otherwise muggy 1911 volume. It worked, after a fashion, and provided for the day when, returning from a bit of work to the clockworks in the upper reaches of the tower, I was surprised to see an enormous raven perched on the cast iron knob where the stair balustrade headed up into the aforementioned upper regions.
I paused, concerned for the moment that I was about to have my eyes plucked out like some sort of Biblical plague, then worked up my nerve and descended the stair, passing the large dark bird with the cultivated grandeur of Auntie Mame making her first appearance at a party.
"Nevermore, I suppose," I said to the glossy, iridescent bird that was silently regarding me with eyes like black beads, voicing the inherent Baltimortality of the situation. "Umm…shoo?"
"That way," I added, pointing at the open window.
The bird didn't move. I didn't move.
Knowing what I know about bird mechanics, I feared that the raven would take off, flying up, through the open door to the clock machine room, then up and up and up until reaching the bottleneck in the abandoned radio transmitting facility near the top of the tower, giving me a long frustrating task with a broom and a lot of shouting, so I just stood.
I was still. The bird was still.
After a time, it just turned, looked to the window I'd pointed out, then back to me, then it spread its wings wide like a dark cloak unfurling in wind, and left through the window.
I considered closing the window, but thought the better of it and left it open.
posted by sonascope at 7:12 AM on June 22, 2014 [34 favorites]
ShopVac would have been quicker, and would have resulted in the rat being set free in my neighbor's yard -- a win for everyone but the neighbor (who deserved rats).
But did the rat deserve the neighbor? All parties must be given consideration.
posted by Daddy-O at 9:01 AM on June 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
But did the rat deserve the neighbor? All parties must be given consideration.
posted by Daddy-O at 9:01 AM on June 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
In my 9th grade year, a swallow managed to get into my school's band room the day of the spring concert. It was quite a high-ceilinged room, of course, and there was no hope for any of us to get the poor thing out. It dropped a few reminders of itself during the day, and eventually the janitorial staff took care if it (I know not how) after hours. But my most vivid memory is of our band instructor giving us final pre-concert instructions, unable to keep his eyes off the bird flying about above our heads, giving a decidedly non-junior high band musical accompaniment to his words.
posted by lhauser at 9:32 AM on June 22, 2014
posted by lhauser at 9:32 AM on June 22, 2014
sonascope, that (truly publishable) story completely made my day!
posted by flyingsquirrel at 9:45 AM on June 22, 2014
posted by flyingsquirrel at 9:45 AM on June 22, 2014
We once had a starling that came down the chimney and dutifully closed the drapes, moved the budgie cage and took turns holding the front door open . . .
Man, that was one smart starling. But who did she take turns with?
posted by The Bellman at 10:00 AM on June 22, 2014 [4 favorites]
Man, that was one smart starling. But who did she take turns with?
posted by The Bellman at 10:00 AM on June 22, 2014 [4 favorites]
Some people WANT owls in their house...
Be careful what you ask for...
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:05 AM on June 22, 2014
Be careful what you ask for...
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:05 AM on June 22, 2014
If you've ever wondered what the opposite of the honey badger don't give a shit video is, it is this.
posted by maryr at 12:21 PM on June 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by maryr at 12:21 PM on June 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
Another way to help get a bird out of a house is to try to think about what it is seeing - you know that the window leads to the outdoors, but to the bird, especially if it is dark out, the window just looks like a black square. If this guy had turned on some lights outside, and turned off all the lights inside, he would have had a much easier time getting the bird out.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:29 PM on June 22, 2014
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:29 PM on June 22, 2014
After a time, it just turned, looked to the window I'd pointed out, then back to me, then it spread its wings wide like a dark cloak unfurling in wind, and left through the window.
As I read the comments, I was wondering about how a smart corvid-type bird would react, so thank you, sonascope!
Ravens: all of the intellect of the crows, but with none of the playful joy you can clearly see when a crow disembowels a live frog.
posted by quiet earth at 1:42 PM on June 22, 2014
As I read the comments, I was wondering about how a smart corvid-type bird would react, so thank you, sonascope!
Ravens: all of the intellect of the crows, but with none of the playful joy you can clearly see when a crow disembowels a live frog.
posted by quiet earth at 1:42 PM on June 22, 2014
And the owl, that never blinks, is sitting, sitting, above the sink
Eyeing the Swiffer used in mundane daily chores;
And his eyes do all the seeing of the dishes that I'm cleaning,
Atop the blinds venetian as phone captures in portrait position;
His transport on my sweeper used upon my floor.
Shall he return? "Aw fuck yeah!"
posted by sourwookie at 2:22 PM on June 22, 2014 [3 favorites]
Eyeing the Swiffer used in mundane daily chores;
And his eyes do all the seeing of the dishes that I'm cleaning,
Atop the blinds venetian as phone captures in portrait position;
His transport on my sweeper used upon my floor.
Shall he return? "Aw fuck yeah!"
posted by sourwookie at 2:22 PM on June 22, 2014 [3 favorites]
Ravens: all of the intellect of the crows, but with none of the playful joy..Oh, you are so wrong about ravens.
I defy you to provide any explanation other than play for some of the raven behavior I've seen.
Last summer, to pick an excellent example, I climbed to the top of a nearby mountain -- it's a popular local day-hiking destination because the view from the top is incredible and the ridge approaching the summit just about explodes in wildflowers for a few short weeks after the snow finally melts off -- so the ideal timing for this hike is after the trail to the summit is free of snow, but not *too* long after.
Anyway.. last July I was up there, climbing the last bit to get to the summit, and in the shadow of the peak were some steep areas with patches of snow left. On one of them about six or seven ravens were gathered and I watched as they took turns. A bird would start above the top of the snow patch, hop onto the snow, slide down, and spread its wings and glide off as it picked up speed and hit the bottom of the snowy area, then would circle around and fly back up to the top with the other birds. I was greatly entertained watching several of them do this in succession.
Don't tell me they've got no sense of playful joy.
posted by Nerd of the North at 2:03 AM on June 23, 2014 [3 favorites]
Not to be the pedantic spoil sport but the owl probably can't see anything in all the bright light except a darkish blur and that's why he's so deepy focusing on the guy's face.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 7:12 AM on June 23, 2014
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 7:12 AM on June 23, 2014
Because I'm so very bright.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 9:36 AM on June 23, 2014
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 9:36 AM on June 23, 2014
If we're being pedantic here, owls are perfectly capable of seeing in the daytime.
posted by Pyry at 10:39 AM on June 23, 2014
posted by Pyry at 10:39 AM on June 23, 2014
If we're being pedantic here, owls are perfectly capable of seeing in the daytime.
Yes, they can see in daytime (not as well as in dusk) but they don't see as well as diurnal animals under daylight conditions and certainly not under bright lights. - Source
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 11:45 AM on June 23, 2014
Yes, they can see in daytime (not as well as in dusk) but they don't see as well as diurnal animals under daylight conditions and certainly not under bright lights. - Source
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 11:45 AM on June 23, 2014
Yes, they can see in daytime (not as well as in dusk) but they don't see as well as diurnal animals under daylight conditions and certainly not under bright lights
Well, but if you look at your own source, and especially this figure, you can see that while there is some slight loss of acuity at higher light levels for some owls, overall the owls have better visual acuity at every light level than cats.
posted by Pyry at 2:41 PM on June 23, 2014
Well, but if you look at your own source, and especially this figure, you can see that while there is some slight loss of acuity at higher light levels for some owls, overall the owls have better visual acuity at every light level than cats.
posted by Pyry at 2:41 PM on June 23, 2014
Look, I'm all for pedantry, but let's not bring felines into this. Just because my cat can't figure out that I no longer have a treat in my hand once she has eaten it doesn't mean she isn't a superior huntress in every possible way.
posted by maryr at 9:44 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by maryr at 9:44 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by SpacemanStix at 8:17 PM on June 21, 2014