BRING ME MY MUTE COMPANIONS

September 17, 2014 7:12 PM

A movie star names things. The Toast tells us what movie stars really think as they film the films.
posted by Kitteh (25 comments total)

BRING ME MY AGONY SHADOW WHO SUFFERS FOR ME

I really need one of these...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 7:23 PM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

Mallory Ortberg is one of the funniest and best writers of our time.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:37 PM on September 17, 2014 [14 favorites]

I also like their Dirtbag Teddy Roosevelt.
posted by The otter lady at 7:39 PM on September 17, 2014 [13 favorites]

Those aren’t stairs, that’s a MUTILATED FLOOR.
posted by BiggerJ at 8:19 PM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

BRING FORTH MY SKIN MINION, I REQUIRE HIS BODY’S LIES

It's like they got a peek at Thanos' dialogue from Avengers 3.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:40 PM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

That was significantly funnier than it should've been.
posted by umbú at 8:44 PM on September 17, 2014

If you can read this in anything other than a Morbo voice, I'm not sure I understand you.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:56 PM on September 17, 2014 [5 favorites]

Lost it at skin minion.

(That's something I didn't expect to say today.)
posted by palomar at 9:03 PM on September 17, 2014

If you can read this in anything other than a Morbo voice, I'm not sure I understand you.

I hear Jon Lovitz's "master thespian" character.
posted by batfish at 9:37 PM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

I hear Jon Lovitz's "master thespian" character.

I don't understand.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:39 PM on September 17, 2014

I can't get over how funny Mallory Ortberg is. And how glad I am that she is being funny professionally so we can all chortle at our screens at AGONY SHADOWS.
posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto at 9:43 PM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

Neology in any sufficiently advanced technical industry is a mark of professionalism, craft, and passion.
posted by coolxcool=rad at 10:27 PM on September 17, 2014

If you can read this in anything other than a Morbo voice, I'm not sure I understand you.

I hear Jon Lovitz's "master thespian" character.

I was hearing Norma Desmond, myself.
posted by bibliowench at 10:41 PM on September 17, 2014

I love this so much.
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:37 PM on September 17, 2014

The Adventures of George Washington.
posted by um at 12:31 AM on September 18, 2014

Mallory Ortberg recently appeared on an episode of Just One More Thing, a Columbo podcast. It's like an explosion of excellent.
posted by dumbland at 1:50 AM on September 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

I imagined it in kind of an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.
posted by matildaben at 6:48 AM on September 18, 2014

This is so good.
posted by routergirl at 7:22 AM on September 18, 2014

The Toast has been amazing recently:

Regulations for your rage

Being Counted: Reporting My Rape at a School Under Title IX Investigation

A Personal History of Misogyny
posted by Squeak Attack at 7:48 AM on September 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

I imagined it in kind of an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.

Jenna Maroney for me.
posted by Room 641-A at 8:25 AM on September 18, 2014 [4 favorites]

I imagined it in kind of an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.

Jenna Maroney for me.

H. R. Giger for me
posted by tigrrrlily at 10:06 AM on September 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

Mallory came to Vancouver and invited Toast readers to come to a meetup; I'm more than happy to report that on top of her written brilliance she is also approachable, vivacious, and generous with her time. She circulated around each table at the bar and made sure to sit and talk with everyone who showed up; she happily posed for photos; she dispensed hugs. She asked questions, she cracked jokes, she listened to other people's jokes, she complimented tattoos. She wore an excellent orangey crocheted dress. In short, she is quite possibly perfect.
posted by jokeefe at 12:11 PM on September 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

Dirtbag Teddy is murdering me:

there is a war in Russia
WELL I’M GOING THERE TO PUT A STOP TO IT
their war is with the Japanese, Mr. President
it’s not with us
IF I CAN’T HAVE A WAR
YOU CAN BE DAMNED SURE THE RUSSIANS AND THE JAPANESE AREN’T GOING TO HAVE ONE

posted by Slap*Happy at 12:11 PM on September 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

Metafilter: BRING ME STANDARD OIL. I’M GOING TO PUNCH IT MANFULLY IN THE FACE
posted by Slap*Happy at 12:14 PM on September 18, 2014

This is great. Unsatisfied Women In Western Art History is pretty great, too. Go Mallory!
posted by danabanana at 3:53 PM on September 18, 2014 [2 favorites]