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January 30, 2002
7:46 AM   Subscribe

John Ashcroft is a-skeered of kitty-cats. Laughs like Nelson
posted by luser (50 comments total)

 
Jeez, luser. A little slanted in our posting are we? He's not scared of all kitty-cats. That would be stupid. He only fears the demonic ones!
posted by jpoulos at 7:53 AM on January 30, 2002


"Their boss, they explained, believes calico cats are signs of the devil."

Am I reading that correctly? The US Attorney General thinks cats -- only cats with a certain kind of fur, though -- are a sign of that big, scary, pointy-tailed guy of folklore? Is this better documented somewhere?

[And before you do it, I know someone out there is getting ready to post a link to the evil kitty pictures. Please be sure it isn't calico. You never know who might be reading this.]
posted by pracowity at 8:02 AM on January 30, 2002


The article does highlight one thing that annoys me a great deal about the current administration, though. For a group of people that are so keen on smaller government and turning things over to local governments, why do they feel so empowered to make such broad, national, regulations by overturning state referendums? Haven't the local population made a reasonable decision for themselves?

It shouldn't be "govern yourselves locally, as long as you agree with our agenda." Either you trust and empower local governments or you're hypocritical.
posted by warhol at 8:06 AM on January 30, 2002


It's funny, there's lots of talk about the face of evil and subsequent headshots of Ashcroft. Can't be a mere coincidence.
posted by shagoth at 8:06 AM on January 30, 2002


My calico is not a sign of the devil. She is a little devil though.
If he seriously believes this, then it is just another sign of the morons we have as politicians.

But we knew that already.
posted by a3matrix at 8:09 AM on January 30, 2002


Well, I can assure you with absolute certainty that our calico kitty, Zydeco, is possessed. The sounds this critter makes when placed on the vet's examining table are NOT from this world. The dog is even scared of her.
posted by groundhog at 8:10 AM on January 30, 2002



I knew there was something to fear.
posted by panopticon at 8:11 AM on January 30, 2002


mmmm, Attorney General...
posted by machaus at 8:13 AM on January 30, 2002


He's scared of pussies and he doesn't like the look of breasts. Hmmm...Trying to tell us something, John?
posted by ColdChef at 8:21 AM on January 30, 2002


Let's see:

Morning prayer meetings with subordinates. Check.

Telling Congress that they're supporting terrorism if they don't grant him carte blanche. Check.

Covering a sculpture's breasts with gov't-purchased $8000 drapes because of his personal sexual prudery. Check.

And now, we read, he fears calico cats because they're of the devil.

Does anybody besides me think that there's a fascinating unauthorized biography of our AttyGen in the offiing?
posted by alumshubby at 8:26 AM on January 30, 2002


Ashcroft is a nonstop daily freakshow. I would love to know what his dreams and nightmares consist of.
posted by BentPenguin at 8:30 AM on January 30, 2002


pracowity, as far as I can tell, the story originates with Andrew Tobias, who cites primary sources "in a position to know." Maureen Dowd tell us of Ashcroft's denial in today's paper. (NYTimes link)
posted by luser at 8:30 AM on January 30, 2002


Stupid question: what is a calico cat?
posted by salmacis at 8:33 AM on January 30, 2002


well, every Ashcroft clone knows the true home of Satan is Calicornia...
posted by billder at 8:34 AM on January 30, 2002


Ashcroft: the real American Taliban
posted by danOstuporStar at 8:35 AM on January 30, 2002


Good lord... first Missourians elect an effing man two weeks dead to the Senate, and now this...

[Fes hold head in his hands, grieving for the reputation of the Midwest as a bastion of reason, now totally destroyed, burnt, and the ashes salted...]

Please, my Mefi brothers and sisters, know that we are not all like him. He is a nut. Please don't fear us. He will be gone in two more years, I swear.
posted by UncleFes at 8:40 AM on January 30, 2002


A calico is a three-colored cat: orange, black and white.
posted by realjanetkagan at 8:41 AM on January 30, 2002


Orange like the color of Satan's favorite day: Halloween
Black like the blackness of his followers' souls
White like the blinding light of the Lord's justice.

Yep. Sounds evil to me.
posted by ColdChef at 8:44 AM on January 30, 2002


Stupid question: what is a calico cat?

A calico cat is a tortoishell cat that carries at least one dominant mutated gene that causes white spotting. The gene is variably expressed.
posted by iceberg273 at 8:51 AM on January 30, 2002


hmm...and they're usually female...
posted by realjanetkagan at 8:51 AM on January 30, 2002


The linked article is wrong on the basics of it's message though. The Justice department is enforcing federal law when it comes to assisted suicide and medical marijuana. I don't agree with the law in either case, but it's still the law.

The solution is getting congress to change the law, not ignore laws we don't agree with.

As an aside, if Ashcroft really thinks that Calico cats are signs of the devil he might need some professional help.
posted by revbrian at 8:52 AM on January 30, 2002


OK then, if we assume for a moment that someone is planting stories in the media about Ashcroft, then note how easily the story cuaght on and you get an idea of his standing in the public's eye.

At least janet Reno knew how to lay low and wait for trouble to find her. Ashcroft on the other hand is his own worst enemy, a little like James Watt except he's scary, not goofy like Watt was (is?).
posted by BentPenguin at 9:01 AM on January 30, 2002


Sic him, girl! Show him the wrath of the Spanky Cat!
posted by y2karl at 9:03 AM on January 30, 2002


You scare me karl.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:08 AM on January 30, 2002


Hey, luser, here ya go...

::puts another check by name of Kafkaesque on list
--after spell checking John K Sensitive's handle first, of course::
posted by y2karl at 9:16 AM on January 30, 2002


hmm...and they're usually female...

I believe that the orange gene is on the X chromosome, and that for a male cat to express the gene in the appropriate patchwork fashion, it needs to be an XXY (an improbable event), which (almost always) results in sterility.

The numbers, if I remember my college genetic class correctly, are 2999 calico females for every calico male. Calico cats are genetic mosiacs, and as such are phenotypic evidence for Barr bodies, the inactivated X chromosomes in most female mammals (but not in those wacky marsupials).

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Ashcroft screed.
posted by iceberg273 at 9:22 AM on January 30, 2002


That the U.S.'s top law enforcement official may be superstitious or prudish doesn't bother me nearly as much as his willingess to compromise law enforcement aims for political ends. To wit: preventing 9.11 FBI investigators from going through firearms identification check data for possible leads.
posted by sacre_bleu at 9:33 AM on January 30, 2002


Revbrian: once again you're showing signs of partisanship while feigning innocent ignorance. The fact of the matter is that the current GOP government have repeatedly betrayed their most sacred principle: the will of the individual States weighs more than the will of the Federal Government. They did not follow this on the election affair, they did not follow this with medical marihuana, they did not follow it with Oregon's euthanasia law. In the meantime, and with the current hysterics on terrorism, they've failed to look into the anthrax issue - which is also terrorism and has been going on for longer. Why? You and me know why.
posted by magullo at 9:34 AM on January 30, 2002


In the meantime, and with the current hysterics on terrorism, they've failed to look into the anthrax issue - which is also terrorism and has been going on for longer. Why? You and me know why.

Do share with the whole class, magullo.
posted by sacre_bleu at 9:41 AM on January 30, 2002


the inactivated X chromosomes in most female mammals (but not in those wacky marsupials).

This is missing the word 'randomly', as in 'randomly inactivated X chromosomes'. In female marsupials, the X chromosome from the father is always the one to be inactivated, but there are Barr bodies just the same.

I just don't want you to be confused about this.
posted by iceberg273 at 9:43 AM on January 30, 2002


Sapphireblue wrote an interesting post about calico cats, fur coloring, genetics, and the X chromosome.
posted by jennak at 9:53 AM on January 30, 2002


sacre_bleu: Anthrax is clearly linked to right-leaning religiously-backed "pro-death" terrorist individuals and groups who have been engaged in mail-based campaigns against certain doctors & clinic staff for years. But you knew this already.
posted by magullo at 9:56 AM on January 30, 2002


[once again you're showing signs of partisanship ]

You say it like it's a bad thing! Everyone is partisan to some degree. If you mean partisan as in affiliated with one party or faction, I'm a registered republican which shouldn't come as a surprise. If you are suggesting I tow the party line 100%, then you are mistaken. For the record, I support drug legalization as well as allowing people to take their own lives.


[the current GOP government have repeatedly betrayed their most sacred principle: ]

Why do I imagine you only care about the GOP "principles" when they agree with you. I don't care too much for the whole federalism vs. states rights malarky. I do care about the rule of law, whether I agree with it or not.


[...the will of the individual States weighs more than the will of the Federal Government]

That is NOT the view of the republican party...

"We must acknowledge that the federal government’s role should be to set expectations in policies, then get out of the way and let the states implement and operate those policies as they best know how. Washington must respect that one size does not fit all states and must not overburden states with red tape attached to its policies. "
Source: Republican Platform adopted at GOP National Convention Aug 12, 2000 (emphasis mine, thank you google!)


[Anthrax is clearly linked to right-leaning religiously-backed "pro-death" terrorist individuals and groups who have been engaged in mail-based campaigns against certain doctors & clinic staff for years. ]

Clearly!? It hasn't been linked so much as assumed. There have been hoaxes as well. Are you suggesting that guilty people are going unpunished for anthrax scares because they're right wing wacko acvitists? I doubt it. As far as I'm concerned a terrorist should go to jail whether their agenda is treehugging or anti-abortion issues.
posted by revbrian at 10:45 AM on January 30, 2002


realjanetkagan: For the first time I know how to describe my cat. She's a calico! Oh, lordy! I feel like a new Dad!
posted by vbfg at 12:20 PM on January 30, 2002


Ashcroft is a nonstop daily freakshow.

He's becoming more of a Hannibal Lecter everyday. Its only a matter of time before they find the bodies.
posted by skallas at 1:17 PM on January 30, 2002


this must absolutely terrify him.
posted by tolkhan at 1:57 PM on January 30, 2002


Revbrian raises a good point. One definition of tyranny is when society has so many laws that selective enforcement leads to prosecution of ordinary citizens.

The first order reaction may be against the executive branch. But I agree with RevBrian, the legislative branch is more directly responsible for the mess.
posted by Real9 at 3:13 PM on January 30, 2002


[One definition of tyranny is when society has so many laws that selective enforcement leads to prosecution of ordinary citizens. ]

I've no doubt anyone could be thrown in jail by the gov't if they so chose. We've got enough laws that I just assume we break some every day.
posted by revbrian at 4:10 PM on January 30, 2002


Good lord... first Missourians elect an effing man two weeks dead to the Senate, and now this...

Are you really suggesting that Missourians made the wrong choice, choosing a dead man over Ashcroft? Personally, I think they chose wisely.
posted by daveadams at 5:38 PM on January 30, 2002


We've got enough laws that I just assume we break some every day.

Do you realize how incredibly fucking pitiful that is? Law are supposed to do one thing: Enforce Justice.
What kind of fucking justice is this? America doesn't care about Justice anymore, all it cares about is the paperwork and bullshit.
I should calm down and look on the bright side. We've got the two most consistantly laugh-out-loud funny people on the news nearly everyday. Unfortunatly, they're also making all the important decisions. That's why, when I get done laughing, I cry.
posted by fuq at 7:03 PM on January 30, 2002


yea, i've always respected missouri for not even letting the fact that ashcroft was the only living candidate deter them from not letting him into office. it's sad that, after losing to a dead person, bush would put him in such an important appointed position...
posted by rhyax at 7:36 PM on January 30, 2002


Gotta hand it to Ashcroft, though, that he so sincerely believes in God and Good that he is thoroughly determined to rid the world of "Evil", and is trying to do what he believes best in a terribly trying time in office.

What would most people on MeFi do in his position. Say, "Hell, our security is just fine, we don't need to beef it up", or "No point going through the thousands of record various organisations have to find possible terrorist leads, we'll just let them show themselves in a violent and bloody way first and save themselves the hassle".

So he's a praticing Christian? GOOD! I'd rather have someone who believes in that teaching than a Satanist or worse, someone with no belief in "good" at all. With his, and his administrations help, America has successfully tightened security, prevent several other terrorist attacks, and one a land-war in Afghanistan in a matter of months. Stop yer bitching and give the man a hand.
posted by Neale at 7:54 PM on January 30, 2002


What would most people on MeFi do in his position. Say, "Hell, our security is just fine, we don't need to beef it up", or "No point going through the thousands of record various organisations have to find possible terrorist leads, we'll just let them show themselves in a violent and bloody way first and save themselves the hassle".


What are you doing, trolling? No need to practically call Mefiers idiots who can't adapt to a situation. A real comparision would be what would a different attorney general do. I doubt very many would equate dissent with helping the enemy.
posted by skallas at 9:05 PM on January 30, 2002


Unclefes, what daveadams said.
posted by peterbaer at 9:10 PM on January 30, 2002


I doubt very many would equate dissent with helping the enemy.

Who's equating dissent with helping the enemy? What I am saying (not trolling) is that whilst many people complain about Ashcroft, overall he's doing a good, honest job. No hidden agenda, no compromise.

I was not suggesting that MeFiers would actually do those things I suggested (please not I felt it unneccessary to include sarcasm tags - my mistake). What I was saying is that when presented with the very real situation of being Attorney General of a country under attack, they would probably make many of the same moves that Ashcroft and the current Government has done.

Ashcroft is not working in a vaccuum. He has advisors, all very intelligent people, who are trying to protect national security with the very best intentions at heart. It's easy to gripe and snipe at those actions, but if they are doing the job they set out to achieve, which by all accounts they are, then such sniping seems fairly petty.
posted by Neale at 9:19 PM on January 30, 2002


Doesn't the fact that the source of this story, Andrew Tobias, is the Treasurer of the Democratic National Committee ring some alarm bells regarding its veracity? Is Tobias really likely to be in the know about the private likes and dislikes of a Republican Attorney General? He's the definition of a Democratic partisan, for cryin' out loud.

It sounds like one of Ashcroft's aides was pulling Tobias' leg, and it came off in his hand.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 9:25 PM on January 30, 2002


Who's equating dissent with helping the enemy?

"To those who pit Americans against immigrants, citizens against non-citizens, to those who scare peace-loving people with phantoms of lost liberty, my message is this: Your tactics only aid terrorists for they erode our national unity and diminish our resolve," Ashcroft told the Senate Judiciary Committee.

I wouldn't be quick to praise someone who can make that statement with a straight face.
posted by skallas at 9:42 PM on January 30, 2002


I wouldn't be quick to praise someone who can make that statement with a straight face.

Are you saying people who do pit Americans against immigrants, citizens against non-citizens, and scare peace-loving people with the phantoms of lost liberty are not eroding national unity and diminishing resolve?

In Australia we have just that - a Government pitting Australians against immigrants, citizens against non-citizens, and it is definitely eroding national unity. Ashcroft is spot-on with that comment, and I, for one, praise him for it.
posted by Neale at 9:48 PM on January 30, 2002


Often it is those who are trying to call attention to the plight of immigrants and non-citizens who are accused of polarizing the situation, while the accusers are the same people bashing, exploiting or legislating against these groups.

As for "phantoms of lost liberty" -- this is Ashcroft trying to portray such national treasures as the EFF and the ACLU and anyone else who so much as questions his policies in public as, well, terrorists. I mean, that's what he said, right?

I still can't believe he said that.
posted by sudama at 10:08 PM on January 30, 2002


I mean, that's what he said, right?

When has Ashcroft singled out the EFF or ACLU as terrorist organisations?
posted by Neale at 10:18 PM on January 30, 2002


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