I'm not complete.
November 2, 2014 7:01 AM Subscribe
Nearly a year after his son brutally attacked him and then took his own life, Virginia state senator Creigh Deeds wrestles with conflicting emotions and questions for which there are no easy answers.
He is thinking about Gus because he is always thinking about Gus. When he drives, when he works, when he’s having dinner, when he’s in a parade, when he wakes up and goes to sleep and closes his eyes. He’s always circling back, always with questions....
He is thinking about Monday, the attack one day away, when he got the emergency custody order, and he can still see Gus pacing back and forth in the hospital. He is thinking about how his stomach turned when he was told no bed could be found, and how quiet Gus was on the way home.
“I know he felt I betrayed him when I went and got the order,” Deeds says. “I don’t feel I had a choice. I did what I did to try to save him.”
He is thinking about that night, and the text message he got from [his wife] Siobhan, who was staying in Lexington. “She said, ‘Get out of that house,’ ” he says. “I said, ‘No, I’m going to stay with my son.’ ” He is thinking about when he went to bed and, for the first time ever, locked the bedroom door, and heard Gus rattling it, trying to get in.
“I never thought he would try to kill me,” he says.
Absolutely devastating.
I remember when this happened. There were, in fact, beds available for Gus Deeds on that fateful night, but the mental health center screwed up and didn't call the right phone numbers and so this happened.
Having your child die is a tragedy, but having him try to kill you is a horror beyond imagining. Except for Craig Deeds, who has to relive it every day.
Damn.
posted by math at 7:52 AM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
I remember when this happened. There were, in fact, beds available for Gus Deeds on that fateful night, but the mental health center screwed up and didn't call the right phone numbers and so this happened.
Having your child die is a tragedy, but having him try to kill you is a horror beyond imagining. Except for Craig Deeds, who has to relive it every day.
Damn.
posted by math at 7:52 AM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
One of Reagan's gifts that keeps on giving.
posted by notreally at 7:55 AM on November 2, 2014 [19 favorites]
posted by notreally at 7:55 AM on November 2, 2014 [19 favorites]
.
posted by oceanjesse at 7:58 AM on November 2, 2014
posted by oceanjesse at 7:58 AM on November 2, 2014
This man carries an unimaginable burden. That he continues to work is awe-inspiring. Hopefully his story can help bring some much-needed change to mental health care in this country.
I had a close friend who excelled in school and eventually held an assistant DA post before schizophrenia derailed his life. I learned of this when something he did landed him on a "weird news" website. The account, of him being arrested for behavior completely at odds with what I knew of his character, was being played for laughs but it gave me chills. I tried to contact him but met only dead ends.
I did find him about a year later. I found his obituary, one week after he died of complications of untreated diabetes. I eventually learned that efforts to get adequate treatment for schizophrenia failed and ultimately Chris lived and died on the street.
No easy answers, but surely a better and more supportive mental health care system would be a start. Sadly, the overall health care system is broken, so I'm not optimistic.
posted by kinnakeet at 8:18 AM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]
I had a close friend who excelled in school and eventually held an assistant DA post before schizophrenia derailed his life. I learned of this when something he did landed him on a "weird news" website. The account, of him being arrested for behavior completely at odds with what I knew of his character, was being played for laughs but it gave me chills. I tried to contact him but met only dead ends.
I did find him about a year later. I found his obituary, one week after he died of complications of untreated diabetes. I eventually learned that efforts to get adequate treatment for schizophrenia failed and ultimately Chris lived and died on the street.
No easy answers, but surely a better and more supportive mental health care system would be a start. Sadly, the overall health care system is broken, so I'm not optimistic.
posted by kinnakeet at 8:18 AM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]
fuck
posted by nathancaswell at 8:24 AM on November 2, 2014
posted by nathancaswell at 8:24 AM on November 2, 2014
That was gut-wrenching. And a stark reminder of what a fucking joke our mental health care system is in this country.
posted by palomar at 8:40 AM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by palomar at 8:40 AM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
How horrific! I found myself hoping, however, that he was a Republican because his tragedy and concomitant activism might be more effective at causing his VA GOP colleagues to think differently about mental health matters. All the same, I'm glad he's affected some change in Richmond.
posted by carmicha at 8:48 AM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by carmicha at 8:48 AM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
That was a hard read. I hope State Sen. Deeds can find peace.
In fact, I hope he does seek psychiatric or further spiritual help to cope with the tragedy--because it's clear that he's developed coping skills (turning up the music, not reading the many letters he's sent by people with the same/similar stories, living in the same house where disaster struck rather than moving into the house where his second wife lives) but still bears so much guilt.
And yet he's already made concrete changes to Virginians' lives in response, changes which will prevent other tragedies. I'm sure that doesn't stop his son's name from ringing in his head, but I could wish for his sake that it did.
posted by librarylis at 10:04 AM on November 2, 2014
In fact, I hope he does seek psychiatric or further spiritual help to cope with the tragedy--because it's clear that he's developed coping skills (turning up the music, not reading the many letters he's sent by people with the same/similar stories, living in the same house where disaster struck rather than moving into the house where his second wife lives) but still bears so much guilt.
And yet he's already made concrete changes to Virginians' lives in response, changes which will prevent other tragedies. I'm sure that doesn't stop his son's name from ringing in his head, but I could wish for his sake that it did.
posted by librarylis at 10:04 AM on November 2, 2014
My older brother has never been diagnosed but I am convinced he is bi polar or maybe schizophrenic He is now retired, and is in his 70's He lives comfortably although deprives himself of anything that he considers to be unnecessary such as a cell phone or a computer.
He had a good, professional position in city government (non political) a Masters degree, he's very intelligent, extremely conscientious and hard working. A bachelor, he has lived alone for over 50 years. He used to be nice looking, engaging personality, very funny and had lots of friends - male and female. About 20 years ago, after our parents died within 5 months of each other (he was very involved with caring for them til the end which was very painful for all of us) he just retreated from the world.
He continued to go to work for 5 more years until he retired although I later heard from a subordinate that his behavior at work became rather bizarre, i.e. when the office was re-configured he designed his space to be very small so that no one could fit in it but him - anyone who needed to confer with him had to stand outside while he sat at a desk around the corner so they could only partially see him.
After he retired he took to his apt and has nothing to do with anyone in his family or anyone else that I know of, nursing slights and grudges from normal family occurances that happened over the years.
As I said he used to be a nice looking man who took pride in his appearance but I saw him in the park last year (refused to speak to me) wearing a crazy outfit with a big hat, coat, huge industrial ear plugs, big knee pads, shorts and high socks - in the middle of summer. I've tried over and over to contact him but he wont' answer my calls and never responds to letters from me or other family members. The last conversation I had with him when he did answer his phone several years ago was very unpleasant as he was on the attack the whole time. Its a shame but no one wants anything to do with him anymore.
posted by Tullyogallaghan at 10:17 AM on November 2, 2014 [10 favorites]
He had a good, professional position in city government (non political) a Masters degree, he's very intelligent, extremely conscientious and hard working. A bachelor, he has lived alone for over 50 years. He used to be nice looking, engaging personality, very funny and had lots of friends - male and female. About 20 years ago, after our parents died within 5 months of each other (he was very involved with caring for them til the end which was very painful for all of us) he just retreated from the world.
He continued to go to work for 5 more years until he retired although I later heard from a subordinate that his behavior at work became rather bizarre, i.e. when the office was re-configured he designed his space to be very small so that no one could fit in it but him - anyone who needed to confer with him had to stand outside while he sat at a desk around the corner so they could only partially see him.
After he retired he took to his apt and has nothing to do with anyone in his family or anyone else that I know of, nursing slights and grudges from normal family occurances that happened over the years.
As I said he used to be a nice looking man who took pride in his appearance but I saw him in the park last year (refused to speak to me) wearing a crazy outfit with a big hat, coat, huge industrial ear plugs, big knee pads, shorts and high socks - in the middle of summer. I've tried over and over to contact him but he wont' answer my calls and never responds to letters from me or other family members. The last conversation I had with him when he did answer his phone several years ago was very unpleasant as he was on the attack the whole time. Its a shame but no one wants anything to do with him anymore.
posted by Tullyogallaghan at 10:17 AM on November 2, 2014 [10 favorites]
A good mental health system requires work to create. There isn't really one provided by nature. People sometimes forget that.
posted by amtho at 10:17 AM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by amtho at 10:17 AM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
I found myself hoping, however, that he was a Republican because his tragedy and concomitant activism might be more effective at causing his VA GOP colleagues to think differently about mental health matters.
Ronnie himself coming down from the clouds in a hail of celestial trumpets wouldn't persuade Virginia GOP delegates to change one damn thing about mental health funding or any other aspect of the social services "safety net."
posted by blucevalo at 10:25 AM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]
Ronnie himself coming down from the clouds in a hail of celestial trumpets wouldn't persuade Virginia GOP delegates to change one damn thing about mental health funding or any other aspect of the social services "safety net."
posted by blucevalo at 10:25 AM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]
My situation has some overlap with that of Creigh Deeds. For years I spent every summer in Bath County, at a camp down the road from Gus's camp. As an adult I frequently visit the area; those winding roads and mountains are my second home. My friends are friends with Creigh's wife, Siobhan. The Cowpasture River carries my healing waters. Bath County's Route 42, where Creigh Deeds was found wandering after the attack, is a road I know like I know my own house. Summer camp in Millboro was a refuge for me, a welcoming sanctuary where I could forget my family's troubles. My brother has schizophrenia.
My brother once chased me with the largest butcher knife from the wooden block my parents' kitchen counter. I locked myself in my parents' bathroom. He slashed the knife through the door's slats. I watched the blade appear and disappear, heard him taunting me. He's never been violent since that day nearly 30 years ago. Not that I know of. A person isn't violent until he is; that's how I look at it now, through the lens of my experience dealing with this illness.
My brother is currently not well. But he's not ill enough to be involuntarily hospitalized. And he doesn't know he's delusional and paranoid. He legitimately believes police are visiting his building every night to talk about how he's suspected of attacking his neighbor. He believes they are framing him for the crime. His doctor is aware, and he is apparently taking his medication. My brother lives alone, states away from my parents and me. He cares for his son part-time, which is why he still lives where he does. He has a PhD but isn't self-sufficient; he currently wouldn't even be reliable enough to flip burgers.
My dad was recently away for 3 weeks in another country--and desperately needed a vacation from being my brother's touchpoint with reality. My brother called me one day on his way to the police station. He wanted to "clear things up," to tell them he didn't appreciate their stealing his book and putting it in his neighbor's apartment to frame him for a crime. On the scale of how things go for him, this was not a crisis. It was just a bigger blip than usual. I was able to talk him out of going to the police. That day.
It is gut-wrenchingly difficult to know how to respond to a person who is delusional but not violent. To know what to do. To be able to do anything.
I know well that electric tension when a forced hospitalization attempt has failed. I know well what it is to fly to another city to look for your missing relative, only to have him be found later by the police. I know what it is to try to get a landlord, the police, or a psychiatrist to check on him, to see if he's still alive. I know what it is to try to convince a delusional person that he's not well enough to fly to another country. I know too well that a person who is severely ill is often not ill enough to get the help he needs. I know what it is to try to get help from anyone when you're talking about mental illness, and how bureaucracy can push people past the breaking point.
May Creigh Deeds's tragedy beget some positive result for people living with mental illness and their families. May Gus's death effect a change for those who are ill, and for those who love them.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 10:55 AM on November 2, 2014 [32 favorites]
My brother once chased me with the largest butcher knife from the wooden block my parents' kitchen counter. I locked myself in my parents' bathroom. He slashed the knife through the door's slats. I watched the blade appear and disappear, heard him taunting me. He's never been violent since that day nearly 30 years ago. Not that I know of. A person isn't violent until he is; that's how I look at it now, through the lens of my experience dealing with this illness.
My brother is currently not well. But he's not ill enough to be involuntarily hospitalized. And he doesn't know he's delusional and paranoid. He legitimately believes police are visiting his building every night to talk about how he's suspected of attacking his neighbor. He believes they are framing him for the crime. His doctor is aware, and he is apparently taking his medication. My brother lives alone, states away from my parents and me. He cares for his son part-time, which is why he still lives where he does. He has a PhD but isn't self-sufficient; he currently wouldn't even be reliable enough to flip burgers.
My dad was recently away for 3 weeks in another country--and desperately needed a vacation from being my brother's touchpoint with reality. My brother called me one day on his way to the police station. He wanted to "clear things up," to tell them he didn't appreciate their stealing his book and putting it in his neighbor's apartment to frame him for a crime. On the scale of how things go for him, this was not a crisis. It was just a bigger blip than usual. I was able to talk him out of going to the police. That day.
It is gut-wrenchingly difficult to know how to respond to a person who is delusional but not violent. To know what to do. To be able to do anything.
I know well that electric tension when a forced hospitalization attempt has failed. I know well what it is to fly to another city to look for your missing relative, only to have him be found later by the police. I know what it is to try to get a landlord, the police, or a psychiatrist to check on him, to see if he's still alive. I know what it is to try to convince a delusional person that he's not well enough to fly to another country. I know too well that a person who is severely ill is often not ill enough to get the help he needs. I know what it is to try to get help from anyone when you're talking about mental illness, and how bureaucracy can push people past the breaking point.
May Creigh Deeds's tragedy beget some positive result for people living with mental illness and their families. May Gus's death effect a change for those who are ill, and for those who love them.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 10:55 AM on November 2, 2014 [32 favorites]
My heart aches for Creigh Deeds and his family. I still will never understand why the family didn't get rid of every gun in the house as soon as Gus Deeds started showing signs of psychosis.
posted by longdaysjourney at 11:01 AM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by longdaysjourney at 11:01 AM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
Creigh is my state senator. I recently attended a meeting of the state board that is in charge of fixing the problems in the system that led to his son's death. During the public comment period, I stood up and asked whether they would let the public look at the password-protected, newly created bed availability website, so that it would be possible for guardians like Creigh to double-check what they've been told by hospitals, in case it's wrong. Their response was as if I'd suggested that maybe rainbows and unicorns could cure people. Pity the poor fool who wandered into our meeting. So now, instead of faxes, we're using websites, which actually does nothing to address the problem, but just makes it possible to make mistakes faster.
posted by waldo at 11:28 AM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by waldo at 11:28 AM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]
I still will never understand why the family didn't get rid of every gun in the house as soon as Gus Deeds started showing signs of psychosis.
They all but did that. Gus's father took his shotgun apart, taking the receiver out of the house (the part of the gun that's basically the gun). All that was left in the house was an old gun that it was no longer possible to get ammunition for, which is to say it was functionally just a wood-and-metal stick. Somehow, of course, Gus did get ammunition for it, although where and how is a mystery. In retrospect, of course everybody would agree that the gun shouldn't have been in the house, but I absolutely appreciate how, at the time, it appeared as neutered of its function as a 15th century cannon.
posted by waldo at 11:33 AM on November 2, 2014 [5 favorites]
They all but did that. Gus's father took his shotgun apart, taking the receiver out of the house (the part of the gun that's basically the gun). All that was left in the house was an old gun that it was no longer possible to get ammunition for, which is to say it was functionally just a wood-and-metal stick. Somehow, of course, Gus did get ammunition for it, although where and how is a mystery. In retrospect, of course everybody would agree that the gun shouldn't have been in the house, but I absolutely appreciate how, at the time, it appeared as neutered of its function as a 15th century cannon.
posted by waldo at 11:33 AM on November 2, 2014 [5 favorites]
They should probably have gotten rid of knives, pencils, rope, belts, baseball bats, ...
posted by rr at 12:30 PM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by rr at 12:30 PM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]
He attacked his father with a knife. There is no evidence to suggest that they day would have ended differently if Gus hadn't found those bullets.
posted by maryr at 2:38 PM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by maryr at 2:38 PM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
.
posted by seasparrow at 3:59 PM on November 2, 2014
posted by seasparrow at 3:59 PM on November 2, 2014
There is no evidence to suggest that they day would have ended differently if Gus hadn't found those bullets.
Well he wouldn't have shot himself for one thing.
posted by longdaysjourney at 7:04 AM on November 3, 2014 [2 favorites]
Well he wouldn't have shot himself for one thing.
posted by longdaysjourney at 7:04 AM on November 3, 2014 [2 favorites]
In my neighborhood in Northern Virginia, we had a supervised 24 hour care facility for mentally ill men. Last year one of the residents was caught stalking the kids living in the house next door and planning to murder them. Another resident would go in the backyard and scream obscenities at kids and adults who went into adjacent yards.
The neighborhood association tried to work with the contractor who oversaw the house, the county and state mental health folks. We found out that supervised care was provided by people working for less than a living wage, with minimal training and little oversight. Incidents in the house were not being logged in most cases and the staff that was supposed to be on site 24x7 was often absent, leaving residents unsupervised. We also identified a few minor property problems like a broken privacy fence. Rather than address the problems, they just moved the home to some other neighborhood.
posted by humanfont at 7:09 AM on November 3, 2014
The neighborhood association tried to work with the contractor who oversaw the house, the county and state mental health folks. We found out that supervised care was provided by people working for less than a living wage, with minimal training and little oversight. Incidents in the house were not being logged in most cases and the staff that was supposed to be on site 24x7 was often absent, leaving residents unsupervised. We also identified a few minor property problems like a broken privacy fence. Rather than address the problems, they just moved the home to some other neighborhood.
posted by humanfont at 7:09 AM on November 3, 2014
Something similar is going on in a neighborhood in my town right now - a guy with a criminal past who was seen breaking group home rules (drinking) attacked a woman and none of the checks in place caught the problem before the attack. Mental health facilities like this are extremely NIMBY. Everyone agrees there should be more of them, but understandably, no one wants them nearby. (Also we don't want to pay for them, but that's another issue).
posted by maryr at 8:59 AM on November 3, 2014
posted by maryr at 8:59 AM on November 3, 2014
Brilliant, heartbreaking, thought-provoking article. Thank you for posting it.
posted by Salamander at 5:13 AM on November 4, 2014
posted by Salamander at 5:13 AM on November 4, 2014
« Older A mind-blowing cave in Phong Nha-Kẻ Bàng... | Lucy is a sociopath Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
It seems that Deeds will forever be ruminating on how things could be different, or what he could have done. From an outsider's perspective, it just seems like a terrible act of nature, that took over in his son's mind.
I wish him peace.
posted by xingcat at 7:22 AM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]