Oh dearie me.
December 18, 2014 8:50 AM Subscribe
10 football (soccer) experiments that were doomed to failure.
They should try an scoring as an experiment.
posted by Repack Rider at 9:07 AM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Repack Rider at 9:07 AM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
They should try an scoring as an experiment.
Sigh.
posted by josher71 at 9:38 AM on December 18, 2014 [17 favorites]
Sigh.
posted by josher71 at 9:38 AM on December 18, 2014 [17 favorites]
I loved those sleeveless kits, curse you fifa.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:57 AM on December 18 [2 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]
Yes! I would support Cameroon just to wear that kit.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:51 AM on December 18, 2014
posted by poffin boffin at 11:57 AM on December 18 [2 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]
Yes! I would support Cameroon just to wear that kit.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:51 AM on December 18, 2014
They should try an scoring as an experiment.
posted by Repack Rider at 12:07 PM on December 18 [+] [!]
Have you already forgotten the 7-1 scoreline in the World Cup semi-finals?
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:51 AM on December 18, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Repack Rider at 12:07 PM on December 18 [+] [!]
Have you already forgotten the 7-1 scoreline in the World Cup semi-finals?
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:51 AM on December 18, 2014 [5 favorites]
Wow, 35-yard shootouts are awesome. They feel like hockey penalty shots, leaving lots of room for the shooter to try out different strategies to fool the goalie on the way in. So much more interesting than normal penalty kicks. Why are these not standard?
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:03 AM on December 18, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:03 AM on December 18, 2014 [5 favorites]
yeah, penalty kick shootouts are the one point where I get all... American... about soccer. The "the goalie has to guess which way the ball is going to go and jump that way before it's even kicked" aspect of shootouts feels like a thinly veiled version of just deciding the game on a coin flip. Very unsatisfying.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 10:16 AM on December 18, 2014
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 10:16 AM on December 18, 2014
Except there are keepers who are really good at saving penalties. So, it's not just luck or all luck at least. Also, you get good drama like Tim Krul in the World Cup.
posted by josher71 at 10:19 AM on December 18, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by josher71 at 10:19 AM on December 18, 2014 [3 favorites]
they should mix it up a little and force them to play other randomly selected sports as a tiebreaker. surprise! here are 20 horses, you must play polo now. the top of the pitch scrolls back to reveal an olympic sized swimming pool, time for relays.
maybe pictionary
posted by poffin boffin at 10:22 AM on December 18, 2014 [7 favorites]
maybe pictionary
posted by poffin boffin at 10:22 AM on December 18, 2014 [7 favorites]
I'm glad that the Magic Foam has worked out. Carrying that stuff around with me at all times has improved my life 100%. "Oh, it's European," I say as I lay a thick line of the stuff on the ground. "Oh, European, you say," replies the jerk who's been standing on my toe for the last two subway stops. He then backs up 10 yards and I get to enjoy the rest of my commute in peace!
Better yet, when the foam fades away, I have a good 10 yard run up before launching myself, RVP like, headfirst into his groin.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:23 AM on December 18, 2014 [10 favorites]
Better yet, when the foam fades away, I have a good 10 yard run up before launching myself, RVP like, headfirst into his groin.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:23 AM on December 18, 2014 [10 favorites]
I don't get the fancy two-man penalty kick maneuver. The penalty kicker gives a sideways pass to a teammate who speeds in from behind, which is fine, but why isn't the return pass offside? There are no defenders between the pass receiver and the goal.
posted by rocket88 at 10:48 AM on December 18, 2014
posted by rocket88 at 10:48 AM on December 18, 2014
You can't be offside if you're behind the ball.
posted by asterix at 10:49 AM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by asterix at 10:49 AM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
I suppose it's pedantry, but these don't really seem like ideas *doomed* to failure. There's no reason FIFA couldn't have allowed sleeveless kits, for example.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:51 AM on December 18, 2014
posted by Chrysostom at 10:51 AM on December 18, 2014
Aside from the reason that they are ruiners who ruin things.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:10 AM on December 18, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 11:10 AM on December 18, 2014 [4 favorites]
Some of the most ridiculous Laws are about kits, and I thought the sleeveless kits were kind of cool and made sense.
But of course FIFA sucks, it goes without saying.
I should send this list to my partner who loves proposing "improvements" to the game. Someday they will change goal size in extra-time, mark his words.
posted by kendrak at 11:12 AM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
But of course FIFA sucks, it goes without saying.
I should send this list to my partner who loves proposing "improvements" to the game. Someday they will change goal size in extra-time, mark his words.
posted by kendrak at 11:12 AM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
Favorite moment coaching: telling the girls to ignore the referee whenever he was blathering on at 8 year old girls about tucking in their shirts. Bizarrely, actually a USSF rule, despite the fact that no one actually bothers with it. Unless you're a referee with an ego problem.
An experiment I'd like them to try: real-time video replay officials. It would reduce the number of times I howl at the tv while watching a premiere league game.
posted by combinatorial explosion at 11:30 AM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
An experiment I'd like them to try: real-time video replay officials. It would reduce the number of times I howl at the tv while watching a premiere league game.
posted by combinatorial explosion at 11:30 AM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
An experiment I'd like them to try: real-time video replay officials. It would reduce the number of times I howl at the tv while watching a premiere league game.
I think that's part of the fun!
posted by josher71 at 11:37 AM on December 18, 2014
I think that's part of the fun!
posted by josher71 at 11:37 AM on December 18, 2014
Yes! I would support Cameroon just to wear that kit.
Unfortunately, they may be open to that kind of thing.
posted by yerfatma at 12:03 PM on December 18, 2014
Unfortunately, they may be open to that kind of thing.
posted by yerfatma at 12:03 PM on December 18, 2014
Jimmy Glass coming out of his goal is one of the most magic football moments ever
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:42 PM on December 18, 2014 [10 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:42 PM on December 18, 2014 [10 favorites]
Favorite moment coaching: telling the girls to ignore the referee whenever he was blathering on at 8 year old girls about tucking in their shirts. Bizarrely, actually a USSF rule, despite the fact that no one actually bothers with it.
It was always enforced in the leagues I played in from, under 10 recreational to international play. The thing is, it's a good idea to tuck in your shirt. It makes it obvious when someone pulls on it.
The 10-yard-penalty rule is one I'd love to see implemented, if only in non-pro adult leagues. It's fucking embarrassing to have a teammate who yells at the ref. And the pros? How many games have you played in your lifetime? And have you ever once seen anything change by yelling at a referee? In fact, if you're the quiet guy, when you tangle up with the mouthy guy, guess who gets the call?
posted by cmoj at 4:43 PM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
It was always enforced in the leagues I played in from, under 10 recreational to international play. The thing is, it's a good idea to tuck in your shirt. It makes it obvious when someone pulls on it.
The 10-yard-penalty rule is one I'd love to see implemented, if only in non-pro adult leagues. It's fucking embarrassing to have a teammate who yells at the ref. And the pros? How many games have you played in your lifetime? And have you ever once seen anything change by yelling at a referee? In fact, if you're the quiet guy, when you tangle up with the mouthy guy, guess who gets the call?
posted by cmoj at 4:43 PM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
One day a black player will grow a massively huge Afro hairstyle with a ball-sized portion of it cut out on the top of his head, thus forming a hairy funnel-cone. His team mates will concentrate on chipping the ball into the hairy funnel-cone, and then all the dude will have to do to score is walk at a leisurely pace into the opposition's goal. Every game that the funnel head plays in will end with a score of at least 30-0.
Mark my fucking words this will happen. And remember you read it on Metafilter first.
posted by Monkeymoo at 2:34 PM on December 19, 2014
Mark my fucking words this will happen. And remember you read it on Metafilter first.
posted by Monkeymoo at 2:34 PM on December 19, 2014
Sorry, carrying the ball in any way (in one's shirt, between one's knees) is already conventionally considered to be a dangerous play and/or unsporting behavior and thus a foul.
posted by cmoj at 2:49 PM on December 19, 2014
posted by cmoj at 2:49 PM on December 19, 2014
Monkeymoo, you may have just figured out van Gaal's secret plan for Marouane Fellaini.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:40 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:40 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
Off topic, but how about that Charlie Austin? Man.
posted by josher71 at 8:17 AM on December 20, 2014
posted by josher71 at 8:17 AM on December 20, 2014
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posted by poffin boffin at 8:57 AM on December 18, 2014 [2 favorites]