“The fanny pack is not just useful; it’s a unifying force.”
September 4, 2015 10:31 AM Subscribe
Letter of Recommendation: Fanny Packs by Jaime Lowe [New York Times]
“For too long, the fanny pack’s cultural baggage has prevented potential adoptees from embracing its sheer practicality. To the unenlightened, fanny packs are synonymous with the ugly American: the perfect accessory for extra-large, convenience-obsessed people. But to me they promote the greatest of our nation’s ideals: freedom.”
there are some localization issues with the name, though
posted by thelonius at 10:37 AM on September 4, 2015 [80 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 10:37 AM on September 4, 2015 [80 favorites]
or maybe people shun them because they are incredibly unflattering - and still not as convenient as a cross-body bag you can throw behind you?
posted by jb at 10:38 AM on September 4, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by jb at 10:38 AM on September 4, 2015 [21 favorites]
I've always admired Gurney's watercoloring kit.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:39 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:39 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Omg. I used to wear a fanny pack but I just can't muster it anymore (because of fashion, I'm vain and shallow, yes). I think pockets on everything are better, lol.
posted by Annika Cicada at 10:39 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Annika Cicada at 10:39 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have accepted the return of day glo. Hypercolor I would welcome. Even Zubaz and Hammer pants would I tolerate, if we're really going to do 1991 over again. But fanny packs are the fashion equivalent of a goitre.
posted by Diablevert at 10:40 AM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by Diablevert at 10:40 AM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
I can see how, in a world with absent or disempoweringly small pockets, a fanny pack might make sense. But it seems like a concession to bad fashion with worse fashion.
posted by wotsac at 10:42 AM on September 4, 2015
posted by wotsac at 10:42 AM on September 4, 2015
Uh, yeah, no.
I've actually considered a fanny-pack to put my phone in for running, because armbands suck. But only for running.
posted by SansPoint at 10:42 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I've actually considered a fanny-pack to put my phone in for running, because armbands suck. But only for running.
posted by SansPoint at 10:42 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Thing is: models with absolutely no stomach fat can probably get away with a fanny pack. But for the rest of us, it's like wearing a pad where we already have plenty of padding.
Most convenient thing ever: cargo pants. When I really need things secure, and my hands and body free, they are a life saver. Running a table at an outdoor community fair, dancing, even just a work job where I'm running around different offices - being able to have my wallet, PDA, phone, tape, scissors, whatever - in my pockets is so convenient.
posted by jb at 10:45 AM on September 4, 2015 [13 favorites]
Most convenient thing ever: cargo pants. When I really need things secure, and my hands and body free, they are a life saver. Running a table at an outdoor community fair, dancing, even just a work job where I'm running around different offices - being able to have my wallet, PDA, phone, tape, scissors, whatever - in my pockets is so convenient.
posted by jb at 10:45 AM on September 4, 2015 [13 favorites]
there are some localization issues with the name, though
Yup. (Also Buzzfeed)
posted by Thorzdad at 10:46 AM on September 4, 2015
Yup. (Also Buzzfeed)
posted by Thorzdad at 10:46 AM on September 4, 2015
I used to wear a bum bag (it would be impossible to call it a "fanny pack" here) when I was about nine or ten. How else is a girl meant to store her marble collection at school?
I can't fathom an occasion when I'd wear one now. Cross-body bags do everything the author claims a bum bag does, with the advantage that you look a lot more stylish.
posted by Rissa at 10:47 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
I can't fathom an occasion when I'd wear one now. Cross-body bags do everything the author claims a bum bag does, with the advantage that you look a lot more stylish.
posted by Rissa at 10:47 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
ITS A BELT POUCH DAMMIT
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:49 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:49 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
Long troll is long.
posted by user92371 at 10:49 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by user92371 at 10:49 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
By the ’80s, the packs had become a fashion staple, along with perms, shoulder pads and Hammer pants.
Where? Where were they a staple?
Even in the 80s, fanny packs were something your Dad wore on a 2 week charter bus tour of Europe.
They were the 80s equivalent of the NPR canvas tote bag, inevitably branded with an insurance company logo.
posted by madajb at 10:51 AM on September 4, 2015 [18 favorites]
Where? Where were they a staple?
Even in the 80s, fanny packs were something your Dad wore on a 2 week charter bus tour of Europe.
They were the 80s equivalent of the NPR canvas tote bag, inevitably branded with an insurance company logo.
posted by madajb at 10:51 AM on September 4, 2015 [18 favorites]
There's only one reason to use a fanny pack: red klister.
posted by chavenet at 10:52 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 10:52 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
‘‘Pop-Tarts and condoms.’’ And that’s the bag’s essential beauty — you can be prepared for anything.
I'm going to assume anyone wearing a waist bag is stocking those.
posted by asperity at 10:52 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm going to assume anyone wearing a waist bag is stocking those.
posted by asperity at 10:52 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
They're pretty common in Japan, but the fashion there takes a bit of getting used to.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 10:55 AM on September 4, 2015
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 10:55 AM on September 4, 2015
Cross-body bags do everything the author claims a bum bag does
Well, it does get uncomfortable having stuff on my shoulders, and shoulder straps either make my shirt bunch up or make my sunscreen wear off if I'm going sleeveless.
Most of the fashionable ones in the first Buzzfeed link look completely useless, though, even the ones that are nice enough I'd consider wearing them.
posted by asperity at 10:56 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Well, it does get uncomfortable having stuff on my shoulders, and shoulder straps either make my shirt bunch up or make my sunscreen wear off if I'm going sleeveless.
Most of the fashionable ones in the first Buzzfeed link look completely useless, though, even the ones that are nice enough I'd consider wearing them.
posted by asperity at 10:56 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Back in the nineties, there was a fashion spread in Bust (this was when it was just sort of materialist and heteronormative*) where there was this girl who - among many other excellent fashion and hair choices - had made herself this sort of mini-apron to wear for fanny-pack-like purposes. I wanted one so badly but did not live the kind of life - even when I was young and comparatively punk rock - where I could wear a mini apron all day every day.
I tried to have a backpack recently because they're all the go, and it's just too inconvenient to have to take the damn thing off every time I need to lock my bike, answer my phone, etc. The giant leather bag with pockets is going to be my version of the granny tracksuit.
Here in flyover country, you have to be careful with cutting edge fashion accessories - one might be wearing a fanny pack because it's new and now**, or one might be wearing a fanny pack because one has been wearing them since 1993. If one is very thin with high cheekbones and has an au courant haircut, one will be presumed to be the former. But if one is - though dashing and surprisingly well-built about the shoulders, like me! - not that thin and a bit pudding-faced, one cannot wear ironic accessories. I really couldn't do it even when I was thinner and 20.
*favorite Bust nineties moment - the suggestion, in a sidebar, that once a woman was over thirty, she should stop dating men and try dating women, because queer women don't care about grey hair, sagging, etc when looking for romantic partners. This was a completely serious suggestion. It was so misogynist and so homophobic that I've remembered it all these years.
**every new and now thing will be heralded as more convenient, better, shouldn't we have been using these all along, etc. More annoyingly, about 1 in 3 fashion journalists will pretend that they have always-already been carrying this kind of accessory, wearing selvege jeans, etc even through those items' deepest unfashionability or times when they were unavailable.
posted by Frowner at 10:56 AM on September 4, 2015 [17 favorites]
I tried to have a backpack recently because they're all the go, and it's just too inconvenient to have to take the damn thing off every time I need to lock my bike, answer my phone, etc. The giant leather bag with pockets is going to be my version of the granny tracksuit.
Here in flyover country, you have to be careful with cutting edge fashion accessories - one might be wearing a fanny pack because it's new and now**, or one might be wearing a fanny pack because one has been wearing them since 1993. If one is very thin with high cheekbones and has an au courant haircut, one will be presumed to be the former. But if one is - though dashing and surprisingly well-built about the shoulders, like me! - not that thin and a bit pudding-faced, one cannot wear ironic accessories. I really couldn't do it even when I was thinner and 20.
*favorite Bust nineties moment - the suggestion, in a sidebar, that once a woman was over thirty, she should stop dating men and try dating women, because queer women don't care about grey hair, sagging, etc when looking for romantic partners. This was a completely serious suggestion. It was so misogynist and so homophobic that I've remembered it all these years.
**every new and now thing will be heralded as more convenient, better, shouldn't we have been using these all along, etc. More annoyingly, about 1 in 3 fashion journalists will pretend that they have always-already been carrying this kind of accessory, wearing selvege jeans, etc even through those items' deepest unfashionability or times when they were unavailable.
posted by Frowner at 10:56 AM on September 4, 2015 [17 favorites]
The...waist-pack is certainly not an object of derision in ALL countries!
posted by Phyltre at 10:57 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Phyltre at 10:57 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Some lady at yoga class the other day had a thigh holster purse thing and it was rad. I used to have an upper arm one for phone/ipod holding while running but I made the terrible mistake of lending it to a no-lend-friend and it's gone forever.
fanny packs remain terrible
posted by poffin boffin at 10:57 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
fanny packs remain terrible
posted by poffin boffin at 10:57 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
The whole problem with fanny packs is that we all decided that they were called "fanny packs". If we'd just taken the rational course of action and called them "utility belts" instead, nobody would have a problem with them.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:58 AM on September 4, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:58 AM on September 4, 2015 [12 favorites]
One of the affectations I picked up when I spent a semester studying in Germany was a "Gürteltasche". All the punks wore one, a St. Pauli hoodie (which I also got), and had at least one dreadlock (which my hair was too short for). I still wear my bum bag (the snickering of my British friends swore me off fanny pack) when I'm going out to shows and what not. It's super handy! The trick is to wear it lower and to the side unlike your dad.
Also let's not forget Fanny Pack's song "Cameltoe". Seems to fit here.
posted by kendrak at 10:58 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also let's not forget Fanny Pack's song "Cameltoe". Seems to fit here.
posted by kendrak at 10:58 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
PEOPLE. The ROCK wore one in 1996. That means they have been cool for almost 20 years now, and we just didn't know it.
posted by Etrigan at 11:00 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 11:00 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
Not even close to true, Strange Interlude. The batbelt is basically a fedora.
posted by The Gaffer at 11:00 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by The Gaffer at 11:00 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I've been wearing a fanny pack a lot this summer. Spandex shorts don't have pockets.
posted by eamondaly at 11:04 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by eamondaly at 11:04 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I was a strong proponent of my fanny pack in the 4th and 5th grade. It let me keep a stock of toys and gadgets close at hand that the teachers looked the other way on, for some reason, when I can't imagine that they'd ever have let me just, like, hold them.
My current backpack is an over the shoulder sling that acts in a similarly convenient way: it's easy to move from the back to the front if I need to get something out, like a boarding pass, or a book. It also fits a sizable laptop, which is the one downside I found while shopping for sling packs.
posted by codacorolla at 11:09 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
My current backpack is an over the shoulder sling that acts in a similarly convenient way: it's easy to move from the back to the front if I need to get something out, like a boarding pass, or a book. It also fits a sizable laptop, which is the one downside I found while shopping for sling packs.
posted by codacorolla at 11:09 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Some lady at yoga class the other day had a thigh holster purse thing and it was rad.
Like this? or Like This?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:09 AM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
Like this? or Like This?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:09 AM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
Cargo shorts are better. I have to buy them in the men's section because women are not allowed to have pockets in their clothes (cue rant).
But there is nothing a belt pouch does that a backpack/purse/cargo short pockets can't do better.
posted by emjaybee at 11:12 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
But there is nothing a belt pouch does that a backpack/purse/cargo short pockets can't do better.
posted by emjaybee at 11:12 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
I've seen 'hip belts' or hip purses like these and thought they were the coming trend...
on preview, as twist & turns noted.....
posted by TDIpod at 11:13 AM on September 4, 2015
on preview, as twist & turns noted.....
posted by TDIpod at 11:13 AM on September 4, 2015
Omg tmotat that first bag is VERY AWESOME
posted by en forme de poire at 11:14 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by en forme de poire at 11:14 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
The other issue with backpacks is that they make your back sweaty and do not allow it to breathe, leading you to have horrifying red breakouts despite changing shirts or taking sponge baths with rubbing alcohol. Real talk. Of course you can't put a laptop in a fanny pack, so.
posted by en forme de poire at 11:17 AM on September 4, 2015
posted by en forme de poire at 11:17 AM on September 4, 2015
But there is nothing a belt pouch does that a backpack/purse/cargo short pockets can't do better.
A belt pouch doesn't try to pull your pants down if you overload the pockets.
posted by leotrotsky at 11:18 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
A belt pouch doesn't try to pull your pants down if you overload the pockets.
posted by leotrotsky at 11:18 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
It was more like the second one but it lay flat against her leg and was not a tiny thigh backpack thing. Big enough for a phone and a credit card/ID card and keys. i was going to ask where she got it but i hate human interaction, and now i am sad because trying to google for it just gives me shitty women's magazine articles on how to spot reduce your "saddlebags".
posted by poffin boffin at 11:18 AM on September 4, 2015
posted by poffin boffin at 11:18 AM on September 4, 2015
Or Like This?
Also, you could get a Utilikilt, get one of those leather fanny packs, hang it low (a la The Rock), and call it a "neo-sporran" (perfect for your favorite antibiotic ointment!).
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:19 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
Also, you could get a Utilikilt, get one of those leather fanny packs, hang it low (a la The Rock), and call it a "neo-sporran" (perfect for your favorite antibiotic ointment!).
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:19 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
Some lady at yoga class the other day had a thigh holster purse thing and it was rad.
Like this? or Like This?
You know how they say college girls dress like Han Solo?
Some entrepreneurial etsy shop is missing a trick...
posted by madajb at 11:19 AM on September 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
Like this? or Like This?
You know how they say college girls dress like Han Solo?
Some entrepreneurial etsy shop is missing a trick...
posted by madajb at 11:19 AM on September 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
The MRA movement might get a lot more traction if one of their platforms was "Women get to carry purses of all sizes to hold all their possessions, but where can men put their stuff? Ungainly cargo shorts! Awkward utilitarian messenger bags! And when some brave souls try to adopt the fanny pack, they're treated to nothing but derision and scorn."
posted by Ian A.T. at 11:20 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Ian A.T. at 11:20 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
This essay is terrific. I'm a walking advertisement for fanny packs, but I'm the exact kind of utilitarian nerd they're made for, I guess? I wear fanny packs for work. You will tear my Gfeller field case (which attaches to my belt) out of my cold dead hands. It holds my hammer, notebook, rulers, maps, pencils and acid bottle readily available at the drop of hat and I can jump, scramble, bend, etc. all day long without taking off a pack or it flopping over my head/side-to-side. All my tools are right there for access and yet my hands are free. And beautifully organized - I can see and grab what I need so easily without digging into my pockets.
Also: mountainsmithfannypacks "lumbar pack" for fishing or light hiking? Best thing ever.
For purely utilitarian reasons, they're hard to beat. I love the idea they represent freedom, because that's how I feel wearing them. It's a lot like the sensation of going swimming without a suit on. I hate carrying a purse, and I hate how few women's pants have actual, working pockets. I've been guilty of carrying my field case for urban excursions more than a few times. If they're coming back, I'm definitely jumping on that bandwagon - I'll buy one for just "urban" stuff.
posted by barchan at 11:20 AM on September 4, 2015 [14 favorites]
Also: mountainsmith
For purely utilitarian reasons, they're hard to beat. I love the idea they represent freedom, because that's how I feel wearing them. It's a lot like the sensation of going swimming without a suit on. I hate carrying a purse, and I hate how few women's pants have actual, working pockets. I've been guilty of carrying my field case for urban excursions more than a few times. If they're coming back, I'm definitely jumping on that bandwagon - I'll buy one for just "urban" stuff.
posted by barchan at 11:20 AM on September 4, 2015 [14 favorites]
In a world full of terrible NYTimes style articles, this is one of them.
God, how is this not even the worst style article I've read from the grey lady? I think the one about it being "in" for single dudes to own cats was the worst.
posted by midmarch snowman at 11:21 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
God, how is this not even the worst style article I've read from the grey lady? I think the one about it being "in" for single dudes to own cats was the worst.
posted by midmarch snowman at 11:21 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
the one about hipster kids using lemon slices under their arms instead of showering was the absolute nadir of written human communication
posted by poffin boffin at 11:23 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 11:23 AM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
It's true that basically anything can be brought back by young hot people. I mean, look at socks with sandals. Used to be unthinkable, now it's sporty because swole 19 year old jocks have started swaggering around campus with black ankle socks and Adidas slides. Who the hell knows.
posted by en forme de poire at 11:23 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by en forme de poire at 11:23 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
even Pounded In The Ass By A NYT Style Section Article On Hipster Kids Using Lemon Slices Under Their Arms Instead Of Showering would have been less terrible
posted by poffin boffin at 11:24 AM on September 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 11:24 AM on September 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
Looking at that bag from tmotat, I am jealous of women's fashion for the first time in a long time. That thing is awesome. Those should replace fanny packs.
posted by Hactar at 11:24 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Hactar at 11:24 AM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
I totally use one when hiking. A full backpack makes me sweat so I use a compact cycling camelbak for water only, and the waist/fanny/bum pack carries everything else. Including bear spray, which I don't want jangling around on my back or in cargo pants or whatever. I can't remember the brand/model but it fits snugly without muffin-topping me. I look FANTASTIC with it on and you will not convince me otherwise.
posted by headnsouth at 11:24 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 11:24 AM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
Hell if you work in Winston Churchill's ghost, I'd buy that ebook for three dollars
posted by en forme de poire at 11:25 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by en forme de poire at 11:25 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've got this ancient and kind of worn out eastern European bag that converts from a small backpack to a messanger bag by changing where you attach the straps. It's ideal for me.
posted by Ferreous at 11:25 AM on September 4, 2015
posted by Ferreous at 11:25 AM on September 4, 2015
What's great about them compared to backpacks and cargo pant pockets is that they put all the weight very close to your center of mass. There is no sensation of stuff flopping around and pulling you slightly off balance as you move.
I had an awesome colorful woven one in 1992 and I still remember how great it felt to put it on and go for a day hike. It would hold a ton of stuff while just being so, so comfortable.
posted by insoluble uncertainty at 11:25 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I had an awesome colorful woven one in 1992 and I still remember how great it felt to put it on and go for a day hike. It would hold a ton of stuff while just being so, so comfortable.
posted by insoluble uncertainty at 11:25 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
In a world full of terrible NYTimes style articles, this is one of them.
God, how is this not even the worst style article I've read from the grey lady? I think the one about it being "in" for single dudes to own cats was the worst.
the one about hipster kids using lemon slices under their arms instead of showering was the absolute nadir of written human communication
Honest question, has the Style section gotten worse, or has it always been this bad, and there just weren't the opportunities to ridicule it?
posted by leotrotsky at 11:26 AM on September 4, 2015
God, how is this not even the worst style article I've read from the grey lady? I think the one about it being "in" for single dudes to own cats was the worst.
the one about hipster kids using lemon slices under their arms instead of showering was the absolute nadir of written human communication
Honest question, has the Style section gotten worse, or has it always been this bad, and there just weren't the opportunities to ridicule it?
posted by leotrotsky at 11:26 AM on September 4, 2015
I definitely like the waist/thigh holster bags but they're not good for working out because who works out in pants with belt loops? weirdos, that's who.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:26 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by poffin boffin at 11:26 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
what's wrong with a haversack?
they compliment a sweater-y, blazer-y wardrobe well, you're professional but you might have to punch a goblin in the woods later.
posted by The Whelk at 11:26 AM on September 4, 2015 [14 favorites]
they compliment a sweater-y, blazer-y wardrobe well, you're professional but you might have to punch a goblin in the woods later.
posted by The Whelk at 11:26 AM on September 4, 2015 [14 favorites]
For purely utilitarian reasons, they're hard to beat.
For fieldwork, I find you can't beat a vest. Better weight distribution, more pockets. Need a place to hang a radio, and so on. I need to wear hi-vis gear anyway, a lot of the time, as well as certain identifying marks. Kills a flock of birds.
But even so, vests are so much more comfy than a bum bag.
posted by bonehead at 11:26 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
For fieldwork, I find you can't beat a vest. Better weight distribution, more pockets. Need a place to hang a radio, and so on. I need to wear hi-vis gear anyway, a lot of the time, as well as certain identifying marks. Kills a flock of birds.
But even so, vests are so much more comfy than a bum bag.
posted by bonehead at 11:26 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Wait, wait, wait. We're celebrating fanny packs for their utility but continue to dump on cargo shorts? This line of reasoning is entirely arbitrary.
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:27 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:27 AM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
Both are garishly ugly and carry a lot of cultural connotations.
posted by Ferreous at 11:29 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Ferreous at 11:29 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
i love cargo shorts and i don't care who knows it, but i hate that ones which are cut for women's bodies and exist in women's sizes have shitty stupid insulting worthless pockets, or are made from shitty stupid insulting worthless flimsy fabric that wears out easily.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:30 AM on September 4, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 11:30 AM on September 4, 2015 [11 favorites]
For fieldwork, I find you can't beat a vest.
. . .unless you're a woman with awesomely awesome megabreasts, in which case you already got enough friggin' weight hanging off your chest. Or you go to pull something out of a chest pocket and it's slipped below your boobs and you're desperately digging around in the area of your underboob trying to find your goddamn whatever and you look up and some tourists are staring at you groping yourself just to find your pencil, ha!
posted by barchan at 11:33 AM on September 4, 2015 [12 favorites]
. . .unless you're a woman with awesomely awesome megabreasts, in which case you already got enough friggin' weight hanging off your chest. Or you go to pull something out of a chest pocket and it's slipped below your boobs and you're desperately digging around in the area of your underboob trying to find your goddamn whatever and you look up and some tourists are staring at you groping yourself just to find your pencil, ha!
posted by barchan at 11:33 AM on September 4, 2015 [12 favorites]
what's wrong with a haversack?
The Whelk's on to something here.
People like well-defined lines without anything extraneous - consider, the most fashionable person in a given circumstance who has enough (insulation, tools, whatever) for this exact moment and nothing more. It's why a motorcyclist without a helmet, someone running into the water without a towel and change of clothes, slim-fitting formal clothes without keys, wallet, medication, etc. looks best. We like to look at people with too much élan for reality. We want people unencumbered by reality.
The best personal storage, therefore, is Heward's Handy Haversack.
posted by The Gaffer at 11:37 AM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
The Whelk's on to something here.
People like well-defined lines without anything extraneous - consider, the most fashionable person in a given circumstance who has enough (insulation, tools, whatever) for this exact moment and nothing more. It's why a motorcyclist without a helmet, someone running into the water without a towel and change of clothes, slim-fitting formal clothes without keys, wallet, medication, etc. looks best. We like to look at people with too much élan for reality. We want people unencumbered by reality.
The best personal storage, therefore, is Heward's Handy Haversack.
posted by The Gaffer at 11:37 AM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
Unabashed fanny pack wearer here. Super convenient when you've got an extra serving of tater tots you want to eat on the go.
posted by BurntHombre at 11:39 AM on September 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by BurntHombre at 11:39 AM on September 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
Fair enough, though the women I work with in the field all seem to prefer knapsacks and cargo pants for those sorts of things. But then, most often our issues are cold and wet, not heat.
posted by bonehead at 11:39 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by bonehead at 11:39 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Whelk I dig those haversacks much but they are often impossible to bike with I think -- IME you end up getting repeatedly slapped in the thigh with all of your belongings the whole way.
Cargo shorts are fine and have always been fine IMO, but even putting my personal prefs aside they also had kind of a moment recently. The main problem with them on men was they used to come in only one cut that was only flattering to very specific frat bros, but that is not an intrinsic limitation of the concept. The idea of having pants with a lot of pockets endures.
I will however note that my until-then-favorite cargo shorts from Uniqlo eventually betrayed me by ripping all the way from my posterior belt line to the anterior crotch while I was moving. So, mixed review there.
posted by en forme de poire at 11:40 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Cargo shorts are fine and have always been fine IMO, but even putting my personal prefs aside they also had kind of a moment recently. The main problem with them on men was they used to come in only one cut that was only flattering to very specific frat bros, but that is not an intrinsic limitation of the concept. The idea of having pants with a lot of pockets endures.
I will however note that my until-then-favorite cargo shorts from Uniqlo eventually betrayed me by ripping all the way from my posterior belt line to the anterior crotch while I was moving. So, mixed review there.
posted by en forme de poire at 11:40 AM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I kept my Discman in a slim black leather one when I was in highschool in the early 90's. I wasn't fashionable anyway.
posted by rifflesby at 11:41 AM on September 4, 2015
posted by rifflesby at 11:41 AM on September 4, 2015
whatever works for you and you like.
posted by Postroad at 11:51 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Postroad at 11:51 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I keep accidentally inventing fanny packs.
I'll be idly thinking about how my bag flops around too much and will contemplate the idea of fastening it to my torso.
I'll be reading about how women used to wear these pocketed aprons under their skirts to carry their belongings in, and think about making a shortened version to wear on the outside of my clothes.
I'll have my dog treat bag clipped to my belt, and think I could carry my wallet in something like this.
And then, I think, "NOOOOOOOO THAT'S A FANNY PACK!"
I am a grown assed woman. I am pragmatic. I wear sensible shoes and keep a roll of toilet paper in my car. But I cannot make myself wear a fanny pack, no matter how many times I invent them.
posted by ernielundquist at 11:51 AM on September 4, 2015 [19 favorites]
I'll be idly thinking about how my bag flops around too much and will contemplate the idea of fastening it to my torso.
I'll be reading about how women used to wear these pocketed aprons under their skirts to carry their belongings in, and think about making a shortened version to wear on the outside of my clothes.
I'll have my dog treat bag clipped to my belt, and think I could carry my wallet in something like this.
And then, I think, "NOOOOOOOO THAT'S A FANNY PACK!"
I am a grown assed woman. I am pragmatic. I wear sensible shoes and keep a roll of toilet paper in my car. But I cannot make myself wear a fanny pack, no matter how many times I invent them.
posted by ernielundquist at 11:51 AM on September 4, 2015 [19 favorites]
Cargo pants aren't stylish, but neither am I, sooooo
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:52 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:52 AM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
ernielundquist, it sounds like you could really use a good chatelaine.
posted by bonehead at 11:53 AM on September 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by bonehead at 11:53 AM on September 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
Fanny packs as retro-cool is already over. It's all about the bindlestiff now. I keep my iPhone, Burt's Bees, moleskine notebook, and vintage film camera tied up in an ironic Hello Kitty bandanna hanging from a stick over my shoulder. It makes riding my pennyfarthing a bit trickier but otherwise I couldn't live without it.
posted by dephlogisticated at 11:58 AM on September 4, 2015 [26 favorites]
posted by dephlogisticated at 11:58 AM on September 4, 2015 [26 favorites]
Cargo pants aren't stylish, but neither am I, sooooo
they can be for certain values of stylish. Not that I'm suggesting you buy that hilariously overpriced item, just that cargo pants exist in both utilitarian and fashiony-pants formats.
posted by en forme de poire at 11:58 AM on September 4, 2015
they can be for certain values of stylish. Not that I'm suggesting you buy that hilariously overpriced item, just that cargo pants exist in both utilitarian and fashiony-pants formats.
posted by en forme de poire at 11:58 AM on September 4, 2015
I've actually considered a fanny-pack to put my phone in for running, because armbands suck. But only for running.
Yeah, I can't stand those armband things, so when it's warm enough outside that I can't just put my phone and keys in my jacket, I use a running belt. I feel like it's the fanny packs sleeker, less obtrusive cousin. Plus, I feel like I'm not committing a fashion crime. I'm just serious about exercise!
Also, I don't think I could stand having a fanny pack on anyway, because they're kind of bulky and constricting and like, what do you do when you have to sit down or bend over?
But even if they were the most practical, useful, comfortable thing ever, I still probably wouldn't wear one because I'm pretty vain and shallow about this kind of thing, and I've made my peace with that.
posted by litera scripta manet at 12:00 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
Yeah, I can't stand those armband things, so when it's warm enough outside that I can't just put my phone and keys in my jacket, I use a running belt. I feel like it's the fanny packs sleeker, less obtrusive cousin. Plus, I feel like I'm not committing a fashion crime. I'm just serious about exercise!
Also, I don't think I could stand having a fanny pack on anyway, because they're kind of bulky and constricting and like, what do you do when you have to sit down or bend over?
But even if they were the most practical, useful, comfortable thing ever, I still probably wouldn't wear one because I'm pretty vain and shallow about this kind of thing, and I've made my peace with that.
posted by litera scripta manet at 12:00 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
> "Women get to carry purses of all sizes to hold all their possessions, but where can men put their stuff?
What on earth are these people on about? Guys put their stuff in the horse's saddlebags. (Except for the bandoliers, which never come off.)
posted by jfuller at 12:06 PM on September 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
What on earth are these people on about? Guys put their stuff in the horse's saddlebags. (Except for the bandoliers, which never come off.)
posted by jfuller at 12:06 PM on September 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
Cross-body bags do everything the author claims a bum bag does
Cross-body bags are about the least flattering thing in the world if you're more than a D cup. The strap sits right between the breasts, pulls your shirt open, and then tucks itself under one breast, framing and reshaping that one breast in a HEY LOOK AT MEEEE fashion that I would prefer never ever to see on me or anyone else.
posted by anastasiav at 12:14 PM on September 4, 2015 [18 favorites]
Cross-body bags are about the least flattering thing in the world if you're more than a D cup. The strap sits right between the breasts, pulls your shirt open, and then tucks itself under one breast, framing and reshaping that one breast in a HEY LOOK AT MEEEE fashion that I would prefer never ever to see on me or anyone else.
posted by anastasiav at 12:14 PM on September 4, 2015 [18 favorites]
...if we're really going to do 1991 over again
you'll do it over and over again until you get it RIGHT
posted by thelonius at 12:35 PM on September 4, 2015 [24 favorites]
you'll do it over and over again until you get it RIGHT
posted by thelonius at 12:35 PM on September 4, 2015 [24 favorites]
I've actually considered a fanny-pack to put my phone in for running, because armbands suck. But only for running.
I actually use one, but it's rather annoying because despite how much I tighten it, it bobs up and down with each step I make. I stuff a bunch of things in there (phone, wallet, keys, change) so it gets a bit heavy and the constant up and down of the fanny pack makes my change jingle, so I sound like one of Santa's reindeer.
posted by bitteroldman at 12:37 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I actually use one, but it's rather annoying because despite how much I tighten it, it bobs up and down with each step I make. I stuff a bunch of things in there (phone, wallet, keys, change) so it gets a bit heavy and the constant up and down of the fanny pack makes my change jingle, so I sound like one of Santa's reindeer.
posted by bitteroldman at 12:37 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hell if you work in Winston Churchill's ghost, I'd buy that ebook for three dollars
posted by en forme de poire at 1:25 PM on September 4 [+] [!]
For a moment I was briefly considering how much room you'd have in there.
posted by fiercecupcake at 12:42 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by en forme de poire at 1:25 PM on September 4 [+] [!]
For a moment I was briefly considering how much room you'd have in there.
posted by fiercecupcake at 12:42 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I was at Disney World last week and I noticed a woman wearing a nylon sleeveless shirt that had flappy little pockets snapped under the armpits. It was so odd. I almost took a picture. I wish I had, because I can't find anything like it online. Her pockets looked empty. I can only imagine that they would get uncomfortable if full.
posted by Biblio at 12:45 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Biblio at 12:45 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm slowly coming to realise that my advocacy of the cross-body bag over the bum bag is revealing not only of my clothing preferences, but also my body type...
posted by Rissa at 12:48 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Rissa at 12:48 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
The NYT has to make up for its lack of a comics section, and Style serves with honor and distinction. My favorite is one that appeared several years ago proclaiming that male potbellies were cool. And one the following week admonishing women who neglected to get pedicures.
posted by knuspermanatee at 12:54 PM on September 4, 2015
posted by knuspermanatee at 12:54 PM on September 4, 2015
Hell if you work in Winston Churchill's ghost, I'd buy that ebook for three dollars
We shall go on to the end. NYT style articles shall pound our ass in France, they shall pound our ass on the seas and oceans, we shall have our asses pounded with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, our asses shall be well and truly pounded, whatever the cost may be. We shall be pounded in the ass on the beaches, we shall be pounded in the ass on the landing grounds, we shall get righteously pounded in the fields and in the streets, we shall welcome ass-poundings in the hills; we shall never surrender our right and ability to be pounded in the ass by NYT style articles.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:56 PM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
We shall go on to the end. NYT style articles shall pound our ass in France, they shall pound our ass on the seas and oceans, we shall have our asses pounded with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, our asses shall be well and truly pounded, whatever the cost may be. We shall be pounded in the ass on the beaches, we shall be pounded in the ass on the landing grounds, we shall get righteously pounded in the fields and in the streets, we shall welcome ass-poundings in the hills; we shall never surrender our right and ability to be pounded in the ass by NYT style articles.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:56 PM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
My younger and more-with-it-than-me wife informed me that cargo shorts were the subject of a lot of lulz from people because they're apparently unfashionable these days. For a while she made some jokes at my expense when I'd wear them, that is until we went to the local amusement park and bought one of those giant souvenir cups that you have to carry around with you, that is unless you've got cargo shorts with a massive pocket that can hold them. Right then and there she said "yeah, okay, that's pretty awesome."
TL;DR haters gonna hate
posted by tonycpsu at 12:57 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
TL;DR haters gonna hate
posted by tonycpsu at 12:57 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
This is not a Style article. It's from the NYT Magazine, a column called "Letter of Recommendation," in which writers describe some object, physical or cultural, that they like. This is a first-person essay. If it were a Style article, there would be quotes from young people in Brooklyn and an academic who has written a book about the sociology of bags. If it were a Style article, it would include the phrase "a small but growing number of devotees."
posted by neroli at 1:03 PM on September 4, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by neroli at 1:03 PM on September 4, 2015 [21 favorites]
Tony, living here in Pittsburgh means that you never have to worry about being the least fashionable person in any situation. Wear your cargo shorts with pride.
posted by octothorpe at 1:05 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by octothorpe at 1:05 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
You mean the height of fashion isn't a steelers jersey and plaid pajama pants?
posted by Ferreous at 1:09 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 1:09 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
The whole entire point of fashion is to wear something different, therefore something not made inevitable by it's comfort, affordability, and utility.
Enjoy fashion if you must, but it's always gonna make you wear stuff that's less comfortable, less useful, and/or too expensive. And a big middle finger to anyone looking down on those of us who don't want to play your stupid game.
posted by straight at 1:32 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Enjoy fashion if you must, but it's always gonna make you wear stuff that's less comfortable, less useful, and/or too expensive. And a big middle finger to anyone looking down on those of us who don't want to play your stupid game.
posted by straight at 1:32 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
If a fanny pack frees the wearer to "wild abandon", I'd say that's very limited definition of wild.
posted by Ideefixe at 1:33 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Ideefixe at 1:33 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I don't think that's the entire point of fashion, no.
posted by Ferreous at 1:45 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 1:45 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
A couple years ago I was shopping for cargo shorts and literally the only place I could find a plain pair that fit the way I like was the men's section of Dillards. I thought to myself how weird this was considering how everyone in high school wore cargo shorts that fit this way. I gradually realised high school was over 10 years ago and this is how dad fashion happens and had a minor existential breakdown.
posted by midmarch snowman at 1:58 PM on September 4, 2015 [20 favorites]
posted by midmarch snowman at 1:58 PM on September 4, 2015 [20 favorites]
my most favourite cargo shorts with multiple normal sized button closure pockets no longer fit because i have done too many squats and now i have too much butt
it is like sophie's choice, a grand tragedy for the ages
posted by poffin boffin at 2:08 PM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
it is like sophie's choice, a grand tragedy for the ages
posted by poffin boffin at 2:08 PM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
Wow, people really hate waistpacks. I've worn one since sixth grade, which would have been... 1991? It's the perfect size for a paperback, and I might have suffered actually harm if I'd tried to survive without one of those around in my teenage years.
Of course, e-books and phones have significantly reduced that utility, but I can still carry my wallet, spare change, my work security badge, my keys, a small notebook, a handful of pens and pencils, some medication, my emergency inhaler, a deck of cards (for emergency games), a pocketknife, and my smartphone without having to have any uncomfortable bulges to sit on or risking breaking a screen with the wrong flex of a leg, not to mention that my memory is functionally nonexistent and so without it there would be a fairly constant stream of items ruined by going through the wash or me getting locked out of various buildings and conveyances.
On the other hand, I have never once pretended that it is fashionable. It holds all of my things in one place that I cannot forget (because after 25 years, going outside without the weight around my waist makes me feel naked.) I don't see why I should inconvenience myself just for the sake of not looking dorky, which wouldn't fool anyone anyway and if it did would only last until I opened my mouth.
posted by Scattercat at 2:19 PM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
Of course, e-books and phones have significantly reduced that utility, but I can still carry my wallet, spare change, my work security badge, my keys, a small notebook, a handful of pens and pencils, some medication, my emergency inhaler, a deck of cards (for emergency games), a pocketknife, and my smartphone without having to have any uncomfortable bulges to sit on or risking breaking a screen with the wrong flex of a leg, not to mention that my memory is functionally nonexistent and so without it there would be a fairly constant stream of items ruined by going through the wash or me getting locked out of various buildings and conveyances.
On the other hand, I have never once pretended that it is fashionable. It holds all of my things in one place that I cannot forget (because after 25 years, going outside without the weight around my waist makes me feel naked.) I don't see why I should inconvenience myself just for the sake of not looking dorky, which wouldn't fool anyone anyway and if it did would only last until I opened my mouth.
posted by Scattercat at 2:19 PM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
John Scalzi @scalzi
@jswatz Honestly, it's like your paper is trolling people for the lulz now.
John Schwartz @jswatz
A good place to store the peas that you're bringing home for your guacamole.
posted by madamjujujive at 2:21 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
@jswatz Honestly, it's like your paper is trolling people for the lulz now.
John Schwartz @jswatz
A good place to store the peas that you're bringing home for your guacamole.
posted by madamjujujive at 2:21 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
I have a gorgeous vegan sporran from Sporran Nation (I have no relationship with the company, other than being a happy customer), that I will occasionally wear side-on with non-kilt legwear. Bum bags have never been beautiful, but sporrans can be lovely.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 2:42 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 2:42 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Many people wear them in Japan, but there are definitely ways of wearing them that are cool (across the back, to the side), dad (giant one in front, maybe two), and nerd (in the front, maybe a backpack as well).
posted by betweenthebars at 2:46 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by betweenthebars at 2:46 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is the second mention of them being common in Japan, and yet in my seven years in central and western Japan I cannot for the life of me recall having seen one being worn on the waist by someone who wasn't obviously a tourist.
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:24 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:24 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I wear fanny packs, waist belts, pocket belts, utility belts, sporrans, what have you. I don't care what you think, GIRLS' CLOTHES DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH POCKETS, DAMMIT, and wearing a pocket belt solves that problem. I have a fair collection of them now, but they're surprisingly hard to find. Like ONCE in a while I can find them in a hippie store or at a craft fair.
I can, however, recommend looking on Etsy, particularly Blue Moon Designs (temporarily closed for Burning Man, I think), I have a few from there. I want to learn to make my own, but those little boogers are pretty complicated to make, especially throwing in snaps and tiny zippers.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:39 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I can, however, recommend looking on Etsy, particularly Blue Moon Designs (temporarily closed for Burning Man, I think), I have a few from there. I want to learn to make my own, but those little boogers are pretty complicated to make, especially throwing in snaps and tiny zippers.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:39 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
They just need a better name.
Freedom tote. Liberty pouch. Eagle sack.
Or better marketing. If the next Dr. Who wore one they'd be all the rage. Kids all over the UK would be all about fanny packin'.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 3:47 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Freedom tote. Liberty pouch. Eagle sack.
Or better marketing. If the next Dr. Who wore one they'd be all the rage. Kids all over the UK would be all about fanny packin'.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 3:47 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Cross-body bags do everything the author claims a bum bag does, with the advantage that you look a lot more stylish.
Yes, except for not aggravating my terrible shoulder pain. Doesn't matter which shoulder I wear a cross-body bag on, if I have to use it for more than about 15 minutes straight I get excruciating pain in my left shoulder. Using a waist strap helps for a while, but fashion-wise then I've got boob strap AND tight waist strap issues, and does that really look better than just a waist strap? No.
Anyway, after a couple years of going to Gen Con and wanting my arm to just fall off by the end of the day from the weight of even a small cross-body purse filled with what I needed for the day (which isn't a ton - phone, wallet, chapstick, etc) I was like "fuck it, does it really matter if I look dorky at a board game convention?" I ended up getting this one because it seemed to embrace its fanny pack-ness and then some. If I'm going to wear a fanny pack in public it might as well be ridiculous. Going those four days shoulder pain-free was so worth $15 and looking like a goofball.
posted by augustimagination at 4:06 PM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
Yes, except for not aggravating my terrible shoulder pain. Doesn't matter which shoulder I wear a cross-body bag on, if I have to use it for more than about 15 minutes straight I get excruciating pain in my left shoulder. Using a waist strap helps for a while, but fashion-wise then I've got boob strap AND tight waist strap issues, and does that really look better than just a waist strap? No.
Anyway, after a couple years of going to Gen Con and wanting my arm to just fall off by the end of the day from the weight of even a small cross-body purse filled with what I needed for the day (which isn't a ton - phone, wallet, chapstick, etc) I was like "fuck it, does it really matter if I look dorky at a board game convention?" I ended up getting this one because it seemed to embrace its fanny pack-ness and then some. If I'm going to wear a fanny pack in public it might as well be ridiculous. Going those four days shoulder pain-free was so worth $15 and looking like a goofball.
posted by augustimagination at 4:06 PM on September 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
Freedom tote. Liberty pouch. Eagle sack.
Belt nutz.
Like truck nutz, except hollow, so you can keep your stuff in them, attached to your belt. You could even mix and match and wear multiple different pairs in different colors and sizes, depending on how much stuff you have and how you want to organize and coordinate them.
posted by ernielundquist at 4:46 PM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
Belt nutz.
Like truck nutz, except hollow, so you can keep your stuff in them, attached to your belt. You could even mix and match and wear multiple different pairs in different colors and sizes, depending on how much stuff you have and how you want to organize and coordinate them.
posted by ernielundquist at 4:46 PM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
Does anyone make simple pouches that attach onto an existing belt that hang off your side? Those seem like they would solve a problem without looking as cartoon-ass goofy as a fanny pack.
posted by Ferreous at 4:59 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Ferreous at 4:59 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Count me in the fuck-the-over-the-shoulder-strap-ons contingent, because after a crippling bit of permanent nerve damage in my shoulder in precisely the place where those godawful I'm-ever-so-breezy-in-my-messenger-bag-or-whatever-the-fuck-they're-called-now things sit, I'd take the official demonized accessory of progressive fat-shaming fanatics over a week of sleepless nights any damn day.
In general, if I want to carry stuff and look glamorous, I put it in the panniers of my motorcycle, but if I need to carry it upon or adjacent to my person in a quantity larger than a pocket or a waist-hung carryall, I do as the truly tasteful do and tuck it into a compartment of a bright red Lady Baltimore train case.
posted by sonascope at 5:05 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
In general, if I want to carry stuff and look glamorous, I put it in the panniers of my motorcycle, but if I need to carry it upon or adjacent to my person in a quantity larger than a pocket or a waist-hung carryall, I do as the truly tasteful do and tuck it into a compartment of a bright red Lady Baltimore train case.
posted by sonascope at 5:05 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have never been tempted to wear a fanny pack, but I wouldn't at all mind it if a belt-mounted phone holder wasn't considered unspeakably gauche. I like to carry things like keys and knives in my pockets and it is a hassle to think about precautions before pocketing my phone.
posted by bukvich at 5:26 PM on September 4, 2015
posted by bukvich at 5:26 PM on September 4, 2015
This is the second mention of them being common in Japan, and yet in my seven years in central and western Japan I cannot for the life of me recall having seen one being worn on the waist by someone who wasn't obviously a tourist.
I'm talking about smaller versions of this, or this one that I've seen many people wearing. Maybe it's a Tohouku thing, it's not exactly the most fashion-forward place.
posted by betweenthebars at 6:03 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm talking about smaller versions of this, or this one that I've seen many people wearing. Maybe it's a Tohouku thing, it's not exactly the most fashion-forward place.
posted by betweenthebars at 6:03 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Am I too late to post this fantastic fanny pack related music video?
posted by Gymnopedist at 6:06 PM on September 4, 2015
posted by Gymnopedist at 6:06 PM on September 4, 2015
Does anyone make simple pouches that attach onto an existing belt that hang off your side? Those seem like they would solve a problem without looking as cartoon-ass goofy as a fanny pack.
It's roller-derby themed, but I have this. You could easily swap the band for a real belt.
(I use mine all the time on bout day. My uniform does not have pockets, but I like to keep my phone and wallet on my person until right before we start. This solves that issue.)
posted by Lucinda at 6:26 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
It's roller-derby themed, but I have this. You could easily swap the band for a real belt.
(I use mine all the time on bout day. My uniform does not have pockets, but I like to keep my phone and wallet on my person until right before we start. This solves that issue.)
posted by Lucinda at 6:26 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Does anyone make simple pouches that attach onto an existing belt that hang off your side? Those seem like they would solve a problem without looking as cartoon-ass goofy as a fanny pack.
Sure those exist; Here is your new problem, you have to open your belt and unthread it like some kind of greasy uncoordinated street masturbater or unclip it awkwardly and hold it in your hands if it becomes uncomfortable due to sitting. This is a DIFFICULT problem, the bum bag/fanny pack is a half-solution at best, but it is a solution. I say go for it. I'm a backpack/shoulder bag man myself, still too vain to fanny pack it, but I expect in ten years I will be positively festooned with them.
posted by Divine_Wino at 6:31 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Sure those exist; Here is your new problem, you have to open your belt and unthread it like some kind of greasy uncoordinated street masturbater or unclip it awkwardly and hold it in your hands if it becomes uncomfortable due to sitting. This is a DIFFICULT problem, the bum bag/fanny pack is a half-solution at best, but it is a solution. I say go for it. I'm a backpack/shoulder bag man myself, still too vain to fanny pack it, but I expect in ten years I will be positively festooned with them.
posted by Divine_Wino at 6:31 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I just want pouches all up and down my arms and legs like a Rob Liefeld character.
posted by rifflesby at 6:49 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by rifflesby at 6:49 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have a fanny pack that I wear precisely once or twice per year, depending on obligations: it goes under my academic regalia so that I can tote my keys &c. (as I'm normally wearing a light summer skirt beneath that wool robe, so no pockets). Fanny packs are kind of uncomfortable and clumsy otherwise, in my experience.
posted by thomas j wise at 6:51 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by thomas j wise at 6:51 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
For clip-on action Podbelts got you covered. I used my podbelt at the one event it was designed for and found its rubberized belt covered in D-rings hot, noisy and prone to flap stuff around at unfortunate moments. Still, it fired my imagination with the potential and is now slowly degrading away in some bin or closet caked with dust.
If you want to add a pocket, the Pocket Plus is a good way to do this. The pocket has a little flap with a magnet you stick down your pants, over your belt. The magnet holds the pocket to your pants so it's not ranging around freely like a crazed mongoose hanging to the side of your trousers when you run or dance. I use it to carry my phone and a few pens, almost never actually put it on my pants, and it has an amazing propensity to stick to unexpected metallic objects in my messenger bag.
I've run the gamut with fanny packs. They are simply mechanically disadvantageous to your pelvic girdle to wear one. I've come to loathe wrapping tight crap around my mid-section and hanging your gear there simply sucks as a strategy for effective movement.
posted by diode at 7:10 PM on September 4, 2015
If you want to add a pocket, the Pocket Plus is a good way to do this. The pocket has a little flap with a magnet you stick down your pants, over your belt. The magnet holds the pocket to your pants so it's not ranging around freely like a crazed mongoose hanging to the side of your trousers when you run or dance. I use it to carry my phone and a few pens, almost never actually put it on my pants, and it has an amazing propensity to stick to unexpected metallic objects in my messenger bag.
I've run the gamut with fanny packs. They are simply mechanically disadvantageous to your pelvic girdle to wear one. I've come to loathe wrapping tight crap around my mid-section and hanging your gear there simply sucks as a strategy for effective movement.
posted by diode at 7:10 PM on September 4, 2015
What's fashionable and freedom is not needing to carry a pouch full of stuff all the time. I've got my everyday carry down to iPhone, leather iPhone holder which carries driver's license, and 2 keys. If I'm feeling like a bad ass, I stuff my pocket knife in my back pocket.
I'm open to the idea of the fanny pack bring something interesting as a fashion item, and some of those buzzfeed packs for women come close, but it's just not there.
But this all reminds me of going to the opera. People are generally decked out in their finest party clothes at the opera -- not just tuxes and gowns but kilts and saris and subsaharan whole body wraps -- it's elegant and costumey and fashionable. And yet there's always one guy, and not the same guy, who shows up in shorts, sandals with socks, and a fanny pack. Any city, any performance, check it, it's true.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:16 PM on September 4, 2015
I'm open to the idea of the fanny pack bring something interesting as a fashion item, and some of those buzzfeed packs for women come close, but it's just not there.
But this all reminds me of going to the opera. People are generally decked out in their finest party clothes at the opera -- not just tuxes and gowns but kilts and saris and subsaharan whole body wraps -- it's elegant and costumey and fashionable. And yet there's always one guy, and not the same guy, who shows up in shorts, sandals with socks, and a fanny pack. Any city, any performance, check it, it's true.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:16 PM on September 4, 2015
Fanny packs are the best for going to an amusement park with roller coasters. They hold all your essentials and as long as it's zipped and clipped it's not coming off. I know at least one park (Cedar Point?) has a policy of promoting their use on rides to eliminate people losing the contents of their pockets.
Cargo shorts with zippered pouches are a close second and a better choice for less-enlightened parks.
posted by clorox at 7:27 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Cargo shorts with zippered pouches are a close second and a better choice for less-enlightened parks.
posted by clorox at 7:27 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
diode: "For clip-on action Podbelts got you covered. I used my podbelt at the one event it was designed for and found its rubberized belt covered in D-rings hot, noisy and prone to flap stuff around at unfortunate moments. Still, it fired my imagination with the potential and is now slowly degrading away in some bin or closet caked with dust.
From this it is clear that you are a War Boy.
Would a fanny pack be considered stylish if it were decorated with a Furiosa-style skull crotch plate?
Christ, I need to stop rewatching Fury Road
posted by stet at 7:28 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
From this it is clear that you are a War Boy.
Would a fanny pack be considered stylish if it were decorated with a Furiosa-style skull crotch plate?
Christ, I need to stop rewatching Fury Road
posted by stet at 7:28 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
I bought one of these last year for canoeing. I wanted a bag that held essentials (wallet, phone, knife, compass, maps,binoculars etc) that I could strap to a thwart so it wouldn't sit in a puddle on the bottom of the canoe and that would be easy to carry on portages. Even a small backpack will hang too low and thwart bags are a pain to carry. The fanny pack works great. Only gets strapped around my waist when I'm already carrying a backpack though. I have an image to maintain, even if the only onlookers are beavers.
posted by Drab_Parts at 7:44 PM on September 4, 2015
posted by Drab_Parts at 7:44 PM on September 4, 2015
I have cargo shorts, but I rarely wear shorts, and stuff in the pockets are uncomfortable.
Regular pockets are usually OK, but sometimes I have just a little more than I want to carry (I don't put stuff in my back pockets. Just...no.).
Sometimes I don't want to be encumbered by a backpack.
I am old enough I no longer care much about what people think about my small, worn-at-the-hip-not-at-the-front-or-rear fanny pack, which I will likely be wearing tomorrow at the Packwood, Wash. city-wide yard sale.
posted by lhauser at 8:44 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Regular pockets are usually OK, but sometimes I have just a little more than I want to carry (I don't put stuff in my back pockets. Just...no.).
Sometimes I don't want to be encumbered by a backpack.
I am old enough I no longer care much about what people think about my small, worn-at-the-hip-not-at-the-front-or-rear fanny pack, which I will likely be wearing tomorrow at the Packwood, Wash. city-wide yard sale.
posted by lhauser at 8:44 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Does anyone make simple pouches that attach onto an existing belt that hang off your side?
rob liefeld
posted by poffin boffin at 8:44 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
rob liefeld
posted by poffin boffin at 8:44 PM on September 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
What's fashionable and freedom is not needing to carry a pouch full of stuff all the time. I've got my everyday carry down to iPhone, leather iPhone holder which carries driver's license, and 2 keys. If I'm feeling like a bad ass, I stuff my pocket knife in my back pocket.
Yeah, me too. Or at least, (android) phone, travel card & eftpos card, which both fit inside the phone case, and two keys. But I still have to put that stuff somewhere, and woman = no pockets. Or sure as hell no pockets big enough for a 5 inch phone with a case on.
posted by lollusc at 9:08 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
Yeah, me too. Or at least, (android) phone, travel card & eftpos card, which both fit inside the phone case, and two keys. But I still have to put that stuff somewhere, and woman = no pockets. Or sure as hell no pockets big enough for a 5 inch phone with a case on.
posted by lollusc at 9:08 PM on September 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
I make my own little side packs and buy fanny-packs regularly. I nearly always wear two piece outfits so the side pack can go under my skirt. It always zips. I find that the belt is usually badly and awkwardly placed. Cross-bags are something I use as a waist-bag a little to the side. The GOOD ones don't unfold, they have a main pocket which zips, they may have smaller zipper pockets as well.
One of the ones I got turns out to fit my tablet. I seldom take my tablet places though because it's a pain to use. I usually just take my iPhone, any meds I may need keys, bus-pass
A small bottle of scent, eye make up, a small spoon, a couple very tightly folded cloth bags, a pen.
The lot weighs less than a pound.
Given that really NICE vests with pockets are hard to find, this works well for me. I do have vests purchased solely because they have good pockets. I HATE purses and seldom use them.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 9:15 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
One of the ones I got turns out to fit my tablet. I seldom take my tablet places though because it's a pain to use. I usually just take my iPhone, any meds I may need keys, bus-pass
A small bottle of scent, eye make up, a small spoon, a couple very tightly folded cloth bags, a pen.
The lot weighs less than a pound.
Given that really NICE vests with pockets are hard to find, this works well for me. I do have vests purchased solely because they have good pockets. I HATE purses and seldom use them.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 9:15 PM on September 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Pack-Wood! I NEVER got to go even ONCE!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 9:26 PM on September 4, 2015
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 9:26 PM on September 4, 2015
Enjoy fashion if you must
Thx I will
posted by en forme de poire at 9:36 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Thx I will
posted by en forme de poire at 9:36 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
No no it was never cool, accepted, or normal to wear a fanny pack. Ever. I swear.
However, as a person who works at a Renaissance Festival, I will unabashedly admit that carrying things on my belt is addictive and fantastic.
just call it a toolbelt, people
posted by desuetude at 12:12 AM on September 5, 2015
However, as a person who works at a Renaissance Festival, I will unabashedly admit that carrying things on my belt is addictive and fantastic.
just call it a toolbelt, people
posted by desuetude at 12:12 AM on September 5, 2015
Fanny packs as retro-cool is already over. It's all about the bindlestiff now.
Cartoon hobo fashion?
posted by krinklyfig at 1:18 AM on September 5, 2015
Cartoon hobo fashion?
posted by krinklyfig at 1:18 AM on September 5, 2015
I've come to the conclusion that I'm a space alien! No boobs, nerveless shoulders and a waist area that's only optimised for one type of bag. The last time I wore a bum-bag/hip-pouch/whatever the hell you want to call it bag, two years ago in Paris, (it was one of those money belts for tourists) it spontaneously decided that no matter how much I tightened it, it would slip down until the webbing straps chafed the skin over my hips, no matter how lightly it was packed. I ended up hiding in a toilet, taking it off and stuffing it into my shoulder bag, where it caused no problems whatsoever. I can quite happily schlep a full-sized laptop around all day in a messenger bag and not bat an eyelid; give me any sort of waist-strap bag and I'll be screaming. (Almost as much as I screamed when the stitching in my marble-bag gave way when I was ten and, well, goodbye to my marble collection.)
posted by Rissa at 3:43 AM on September 5, 2015
posted by Rissa at 3:43 AM on September 5, 2015
Regarding Frowner's assessment, I have always considered fashion trends to be about rebellion against the current trend. I used to wretch at bell-bottoms as a doofy old slob thing, and then in the late 90s they came back with a vengeance and started being carried off by attractive people.
But at some point the first wave of what were called "hipsters" were taking styles that were never fashionable (trucker hats, big bargain spectacle frames, etc) and pulling them off. I suspect a lot of the reaction against this wave of style was the sense that they were being so smug at you about how beautiful they were. That is, it was a kind of "I'm so pretty I can wear all this trash and still be attractive!"
And the more I think about this, the less confident I am that there's anything special about any particular wave of fashion here. Some folks reach back to clearly glamorous trends of the past, but some reach out to the opposite as if to scream "just shut up already!" But as with hippy scruffiness, punk scruffiness, or "hipster" nerd-fashion, this stuff gets appropriated pretty damn quickly and the whole conversation gets stirred into a giant confusing mess.
So at some point crocs are going to be back and they're going to be £1000 each and oh god your bum is not even fan-shaped why did you use that word.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:08 AM on September 5, 2015
But at some point the first wave of what were called "hipsters" were taking styles that were never fashionable (trucker hats, big bargain spectacle frames, etc) and pulling them off. I suspect a lot of the reaction against this wave of style was the sense that they were being so smug at you about how beautiful they were. That is, it was a kind of "I'm so pretty I can wear all this trash and still be attractive!"
And the more I think about this, the less confident I am that there's anything special about any particular wave of fashion here. Some folks reach back to clearly glamorous trends of the past, but some reach out to the opposite as if to scream "just shut up already!" But as with hippy scruffiness, punk scruffiness, or "hipster" nerd-fashion, this stuff gets appropriated pretty damn quickly and the whole conversation gets stirred into a giant confusing mess.
So at some point crocs are going to be back and they're going to be £1000 each and oh god your bum is not even fan-shaped why did you use that word.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:08 AM on September 5, 2015
So, regarding the language issue ... is it fair to say that in some countries, women use bum bags to carry their spare fanny packs?
posted by Brachinus at 4:10 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Brachinus at 4:10 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
Brachinus that is bad and you should feel bad but look at me down here in the moral netherlands already.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:14 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:14 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
These are all great ideas, but they pale in comparison to the 5.11 Tactical Pant
posted by Wild_Eep at 5:51 AM on September 5, 2015
posted by Wild_Eep at 5:51 AM on September 5, 2015
my most favourite cargo shorts with multiple normal sized button closure pockets no longer fit because i have done too many squats and now i have too much butt
Many of my favorite clothes no longer fit because I started doing squats and lifting weights, and now I have too much butt and too much shoulders and too much thighs and too much upper arms. This is frustrating because I am also kind of fat, so while my overall shape has improved, I am also even more tank-like.
But to be on-topic: two people in this thread have mentioned wearing fanny packs "under the skirt". What does this mean? Are you literally hiking up your skirt every time you get stuff out of the bag, because this seems like it would be rather attention-getting?
posted by Frowner at 9:14 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
Many of my favorite clothes no longer fit because I started doing squats and lifting weights, and now I have too much butt and too much shoulders and too much thighs and too much upper arms. This is frustrating because I am also kind of fat, so while my overall shape has improved, I am also even more tank-like.
But to be on-topic: two people in this thread have mentioned wearing fanny packs "under the skirt". What does this mean? Are you literally hiking up your skirt every time you get stuff out of the bag, because this seems like it would be rather attention-getting?
posted by Frowner at 9:14 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
there are some localization issues with the name, though
Not your minge.
posted by Rumple at 9:58 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
Not your minge.
posted by Rumple at 9:58 AM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
bum bags have been pretty fashionable for a few years now at UK music festivals. (Not fanny packs...). This year they were very, very common.
I think ultimately it's the same retro appropriation that's made really tacky touristy t-shirts and 90s stuff fashionable again (as long as they're being worn by the right young person).
posted by leo_r at 12:50 PM on September 5, 2015
I think ultimately it's the same retro appropriation that's made really tacky touristy t-shirts and 90s stuff fashionable again (as long as they're being worn by the right young person).
posted by leo_r at 12:50 PM on September 5, 2015
Yep, Nerdy Mcgeek here. Totally not carrying a pistol or anything. On my way to a Star Trek convention, wearin' m'Doctor Who scarf. That's right. Settin up my LAN party with tools in my belly bag. Gonna LAARP it up with m'pack thinkin I'm Batman with a utility belt. Just finished smugglin' a gas station burrito into the movies. Heh heh. Yeah, totally harmless comic book lurker goin all McConaughey. Not the gamer your looking for. Move along.
posted by Smedleyman at 5:37 PM on September 5, 2015
posted by Smedleyman at 5:37 PM on September 5, 2015
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