Opa!
December 4, 2015 4:29 AM   Subscribe

Is this the most emotionally moving holiday commercial ever, or is it "the worst thing I’ve ever, ever seen"? You decide.
posted by jbickers (102 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 
Holy shit, do I need to make better choices about what I watch while at work around my colleagues.
posted by Blasdelb at 4:32 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


Everyone whose grandfather is still alive, leave this room
posted by thelonius at 4:35 AM on December 4, 2015 [12 favorites]


That said I am so fucking glad to be finally coming back to the states to see my parents for the first time in a couple of years for Christmas, being an economic migrant only seems to be getting harder as I get older.
posted by Blasdelb at 4:35 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


I was watching like "eh, a bit of a guilt trip, but the poor old guy, big deal," and then the reveal came and I literally LOL'd at how dumb/weird it was.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 4:38 AM on December 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


I literally LOL'd at how dumb/weird it was.

I think I'm an emotionless bastard. I was like, wtf.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 5:02 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Put me in the "worst thing" camp. If the dude pulled this stunt there's probably a good reason his kids don't visit.
posted by mightygodking at 5:05 AM on December 4, 2015 [22 favorites]


I don't get why he just does get on a plane and go visit them.
posted by katinka-katinka at 5:09 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm glad I'm not alone in finding it funny. Hilarious, actually.
posted by jonathanhughes at 5:09 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


Am I the only one that thought that this was a bit predictable? I saw that ending from a mile away.

My heart must have an empty hole, this didn't really hit me emotionally the way it seems to be with other people. Now, show me the ending of Gremlins and for some reason I'm all emotional. Who knows whats wrong with my stupid feelings?!
posted by Fizz at 5:11 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


I guess I'm on team grandpa. Screw those selfish kids, they deserved to feel like shit for a bit. Visit your damn parents.
posted by the bricabrac man at 5:12 AM on December 4, 2015 [28 favorites]


This is horrifying and built on a premise of really stupid and cruel emotional blackmail and I loved every last damn second of it.
posted by middleclasstool at 5:12 AM on December 4, 2015 [18 favorites]


Yeah, but wait 'til next year. Nobody's gonna show up to his real funeral.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 5:13 AM on December 4, 2015 [24 favorites]


"You know - I was all ready to give the old man a hard time for getting me over from Newark, business class on the last flight before the blizzard - and let's not talk about how much the baby sitter asked for... But then he brought out that plate of Weihnachtsplätzchen and my heart just melted".
posted by rongorongo at 5:14 AM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Maybe grandapa should stop being such a passive aggressive shit and simply ask for what he needs and wants.

Seriously dude, where's your support network? Why did none of your friends invite you over? Maybe its because you're a manipulative bastard!

Anyway there's plenty of GILFs at the local bar who'd love some turkey in the oven, wink wink. You're alone by choice!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:18 AM on December 4, 2015 [14 favorites]


Hah! Those fun-loving Germans really know how to prank their families!
posted by fredludd at 5:20 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


the part where opa starts to levitate eyes black as pitch mouth wide with rows and rows of crooked screaming teeth as the family frantically tries to open doors that will not open eyes and noses wet with tears of mercy and the camera pans out to the house now a ruin seeping blood and chewing noises really reminded me of my own grandfather and that i have not visited his black iron tomb in generations

so thanks for that commercial i will refresh the glyphs tonight
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:21 AM on December 4, 2015 [80 favorites]


Does anybody remember Mr. Six? Because that's what I was kind of hoping for there at the end.
posted by lagomorphius at 5:26 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


This got me dead center in the cold walnut behind that cinder block wall that is my heart. Crying at my desk this early isn't a good sign.

I've spent more than one Christmas alone, away from family, or family was away from me, and that spot embodied that feeling of weariness, that holiday depression, the predilection to take deep breaths, that feeling that your life is running away from you.

Life is profoundly too fucking short to spend holidays alone. How many Christmases do you have left? This guy has about four.

Happy holidays, everybody. Hug your parents, hug your kids.
posted by Sphinx at 5:29 AM on December 4, 2015 [7 favorites]


Wonder what he did to get them to do their homework?

and, I'm waiting for next year's ... "Grandma is still alive too!" sequel....
posted by HuronBob at 5:32 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


It's kind of brilliant in a way. Have a pre-emptive funeral. Bring everyone together. Have people say nice words about you. A nice, happy party, no black clothing allowed.

And then, when the time would have come for the real thing, that's the time to call and say sorry you can't make it. Because, I sure as heck won't care.
posted by cacofonie at 5:34 AM on December 4, 2015 [7 favorites]


"“Very powerful ad that highlights an important issue for many older people: loneliness."

Is it the job of ads to do that, though?
posted by GallonOfAlan at 5:34 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Wonder what he did to get them to do their homework?

Something like this, I would guess.
posted by jbickers at 5:37 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


"“Very powerful ad that highlights an important issue for many older people: loneliness."

Is it the job of ads to do that, though?
posted by GallonOfAlan at 8:34 AM on December 4 [+] [!]


Yes.
posted by Fizz at 5:39 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Hilarious!
posted by thivaia at 5:39 AM on December 4, 2015


Is it the job of ads to do that, though?

No, but it's also not the job of ads to remind us of the magic of Christmas or the importance of family or the pleasures of company or any of the other gooey, sentimental stuff they frame themselves around.

That said, I enjoyed this one more than most. Much less offensive to the spirit than most Christmas ads. Lot of comments here to the effect that the grandpa should have just asked his family to spend Christmas with him all those times, and it strikes me as a weird assumption that he didn't. I read this as a last resort.
posted by distorte at 5:41 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


Shit this just gave my mom loads of ideas.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 5:43 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


For the sequel he picks one kid at random to visit for Christmas.
Table is all set, the family is so happy to have this special dinner.
A knocking at the door!
Federal Express?
Grandpa's head.
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 5:46 AM on December 4, 2015 [8 favorites]


Tiresome repackaged schlock rendition of a glurge story that's old enough that even the previous renditions are old. But by all means, keep buying! Consumption will fill the void!
posted by sonascope at 5:47 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, but wait 'til next year. Nobody's gonna show up to his real funeral.

I was thinking "I hope he doesn't choke or have an actual cardiac event during dinner or the last thing he's going to hear is his children and grandchildren laughing at their jokester Grandpa."
posted by dances with hamsters at 5:47 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


That was the funniest damn thing I've seen since the Ikea lamp commercial. What a sociopathic old geezer!
posted by naju at 5:57 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Being a few days away from the second anniversary if the passing of a grandfather with whom I was very close, watching this may have been a poor choice. :'-(
----
Either He's a bastard or he raised a pack of them. Maybe both?
There's a certain privilege in being able to travel home, and we can't apply the same standard to everyone. But his kids seemed to have it, no?

Oh look, a delicious plate of beans, excuse me for a moment....
posted by The Legit Republic of Blanketsburg at 5:58 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, but wait 'til next year. Nobody's gonna show up to his real funeral.

i don't think he'll be caring much, tbh.
posted by andrewcooke at 5:59 AM on December 4, 2015 [8 favorites]


Oh, sonascope, I first thought of that "Little House on the Prairie" episode, too!

What an odd teaching tool that show was.
posted by allthinky at 6:00 AM on December 4, 2015


Yeah, I also guessed the death was fake. But I guessed because THEY STOLE THIS. This was an episode of Little House on the Prairie.

Also, I don't know why, but my dog who doesn't really cry, cried through the whole thing. And at one point I had to pause the video to let it buffer better because my internet has been slow. My dog stopped crying while it was paused and then started crying again as soon as I played it. I wonder if this is one of those ads with the non-human-audible soundtrack that's watching us via our smartphones or if my dog just thought the music was awful.

Yep...just played the ad again to test and the dog started crying.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 6:00 AM on December 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


Damn, if I hadn't been doing a reliability check on my dog I would have gotten the little house on the prairie scoop.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 6:01 AM on December 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


This made me realize that I need to spend more time with my remaining grandparents. I'll never shop at that what, supermarket?

Net good.
posted by notsnot at 6:01 AM on December 4, 2015


I don't see that this is any more horrible and manipulative than any of the other sentimental tripe we can't avoid watching on commercial tv at the holidays, honestly. I don't get the outrage at this in particular.

Either He's a bastard or he raised a pack of them. Maybe both?

Yeah, well, the thing they don't tell people when they start out raising families is that there's an excellent chance some or all of your children will grow up to be selfish assholes. I guess if people really thought about it they might think twice about having kids.
posted by aught at 6:02 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


No country pulls this kind of stuff off better than Thailand. I can't even pick one - just google "sad Thai commercial".
posted by lagomorphius at 6:07 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


About a year before my grandmother died at 95 she had a significant health scare, like a "this is it!" sort of thing, so the entire family rushed to her nursing home in anticipation of the inevitable.

Which turned out not to be inevitable.

So we all wound up arriving at more or less the same time, and trooped up and crowded into Grandma's suite, where she was dozing, packed in there in our winter coats and hats and boots and sort of shuffling into place and doing that side-to-side thing like when the bus has opened the door but the line of people hasn't started moving yet.

Grandma opens her eyes, drily says "I suppose you're wondering why I called you all here," and goes back to sleep.

So we all trooped down to the common room and caught up and had a grand old time, and Grandma (at the stage of dementia where she was 'in' enough to enjoy and appreciate our presence, but definitely not 100% sure of what was happening all the time) came out and we had lunch, and then everyone dispersed to their various parts of Canada again.

Grandma developed a fondness for pulling the fire alarm a few weeks later, because it was tremendously exciting, but other than that everything sort of settled back. About a year later, she slipped away unexpectedly in her sleep.

It was good. It was great that we all got there and she got to wake up to a room literally shoulder-to-shoulder with people who loved her, and was alive to see it, and had a great big visit while she was still in a condition to appreciate it.

So I don't know if faking your own death is super cool, but "pre-funerals" are rad and I think we should have more of them.
posted by Shepherd at 6:07 AM on December 4, 2015 [47 favorites]


"How else could I have brought you all together?" he asks.

Bungled suicide
Hunger strike
Arson
Fall down stairs
Elective colon surgery
Taking of hostages
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 6:08 AM on December 4, 2015 [17 favorites]


This was better back when it was old Iltasadum pranking Aga of Kish.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 6:09 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


There was also an episode of Murder She Wrote with this plot, where the dude faked his own death but was spying on his family to see if any of them loved him for more than his money.

Spoiler alert: one of them did! She was really sad that he was dead! But then when he showed up and was not dead, she hated him forever after for toying with her emotions and causing such stress and trauma. Great plan, weird rich dude! Worked out really well.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 6:10 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


As someone without kids, parents or close relatives at all, the thing Mr. Kinnakeet and I dread most about the holidays is crap like this reminding us how bleak and lonely our otherwise quite pleasant life really is.
posted by kinnakeet at 6:11 AM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Yeah, "hey look! A special time of year for feeling extra bad!"
posted by thelonius at 6:20 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


"Suddenly the minister shouted at the top of his voice: "Praise God from whom all blessings flow— SING!— and put your hearts in it!"

And they did. "Old Hundred" swelled up with a triumphant burst, and while it shook the rafters Tom Sawyer the Pirate looked around upon the envying juveniles about him and confessed in his heart that this was by far the proudest moment of his life."

posted by HuronBob at 6:22 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


You can have my family, kinnakeet, then you will not be unhappy about not having parents!
posted by winna at 6:23 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, isn't anyone worried about a boy who cried wolf situation for next Christmas?
posted by KernalM at 6:24 AM on December 4, 2015


Diese Weihnachtsplätzchen schmecken nicht nur himmlisch, sondern sehen auch noch traumhaft schön aus!
posted by Kinbote at 6:24 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


What a dick. Why doesn't he visit one set? Better to move one retired man than a whole family. Is he not invited, maybe? That time he had one too many schnapps and Mentioned The War?
posted by alasdair at 6:24 AM on December 4, 2015


What was grandpa doing in Germany in WWII?
posted by Postroad at 6:25 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


It is very easy to tell who in this thread has elderly parents.
posted by entropicamericana at 6:30 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


It is very easy to tell who in this thread is easily manipulated by advertising.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 6:31 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


Lets imagine that this marks the beginning of a lengthy period of emotional blackmail, where each member of the family must invent new macabre stories of tragedy and horror just to get the others to visit them. Every story must be cleverly crafted with enough plausible truths to seem real enough to get folks on the plane. Actors are hired to deliver bad news; false notices are placed in newspapers. After the second and third hoaxes, the work gets harder. Everyone gets very good at digitally manipulating photographs and in sniffing out manufactured sadness. Bad news is now met with anger, suspicion, and finally contempt. Train derailment? Laughable! Biking accident? How positively banal! One family member begins seriously contemplating acts of actual horror and violence, because only the real thing can stand in for the real thing. The cycle is mercifully broken when Aunt Susan suggests they get together for a nice brunch around the new year, sending out a really very enticing photograph of stuffed French toast. Each family member's initial surprise at receiving the Evite is followed by a sigh of relief at the sheer normalcy of the whole thing. They meet over syrupy breakfast foods, quiche, and sausage links, nervously sipping mimosas and trying to laugh about the recent unpleasantness. "Remember when James made us all think that he was lost in the White Mountains, and everyone else in the search party couldn't understand why we were all so mad when we found him?" They smile and shake their heads good naturedly, but they remember. They will all remember all of it.
posted by cubby at 6:34 AM on December 4, 2015 [27 favorites]


I don't get why he just does get on a plane and go visit them.

What a dick. Why doesn't he visit one set? Better to move one retired man than a whole family. Is he not invited, maybe? That time he had one too many schnapps and Mentioned The War?

I don't know if you people are being deliberately obtuse or just ignorant. The vast majority of old people live on fixed incomes. You can't just jump on a plane because you literally can't soak a multiple hundred dollar hit to your budget like that.

Plus travelling while you're old and everything hurts REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.
posted by Talez at 6:38 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


I didn't think this could get funnier, but everyone discussing this thing and criticizing/defending ol' Grampy Darktactics like it's real sure proved me wrong there
posted by middleclasstool at 6:44 AM on December 4, 2015 [13 favorites]


I was thinking "I hope he doesn't choke or have an actual cardiac event during dinner or the last thing he's going to hear is his children and grandchildren laughing at their jokester Grandpa."
posted by dances with hamsters at 8:47 AM on December 4 [+] [!]

No joke, my friend's father died exactly this way. Died instantly of a massive cardiac event while gathered around the table with his children and grandchildren eating their Christmas dinner. Thankfully it was very gentle, he just soundlessly slipped away.
posted by Jazz Hands at 6:44 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


"Maybe grandapa should stop being such a passive aggressive shit and simply ask for what he needs and wants."

Maybe he did ask and was told no. Which was sort of the vibe I got watching the start of it. He's not important enough to drop everything for and fly in unless he's dead because someone would have to be there for funeral arrangements.

Anyway, this made me laugh. What balls, Germans!
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:45 AM on December 4, 2015


What was grandpa doing in Germany in WWII?

I think we just coined the phrase "Emotional Godwinning"
posted by naju at 6:46 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


At 83, one grandpa was having trouble. He never was quite healthy after they removed a couple lobes of lung; between pneumonic bouts and extended stays in recovery, the onset of Alzheimer's was something of a blessing so he couldn't recall to dwell on it.

The memory loss had progressed such that I had been "young man" for a year or two, and my dad got the same epithet about half the time.

On his 84th birthday, he was just about done with another stay in recovery care, so everyone still in town visited him with apple pie, like we'd done since time immemorial. As i was leaving, he grabbed my arm. "Thanks, Chris, this was really nice."

Two days later, a heart attack took him; my last living memory of him is that one little recognition break in the clouds.
posted by notsnot at 7:01 AM on December 4, 2015 [7 favorites]


It is very easy to tell who in this thread is easily manipulated by advertising.

Some of us are the one child of three who has actually been in their parents' life for the past fifteen years and has seen how the absence of the other two has gutted them.
posted by entropicamericana at 7:11 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


Christ, what an asshole. I would have thrown one of those candlesticks at Opa. Faking one's death is not funny, dude.

And yeah, I saw that episode of Little House on the Prairie too and thought that the old woman who pulled that shit was also being a jerk.
posted by Elly Vortex at 7:24 AM on December 4, 2015


It is very easy to tell who in this thread has elderly parents.

I was going to say it's easy to tell who in this thread has crassly manipulative (grand)parents.

I've spent more than one Christmas alone, away from family, or family was away from me, and that spot embodied that feeling of weariness, that holiday depression, the predilection to take deep breaths, that feeling that your life is running away from you.

So there was this Christmas in my late 20s where I was shambling through eternal grad school and my then-wife had run off (praise be) so if I wanted to spend Christmas with family it would mean driving ten or twelve hours alone, and my prize would be getting to watch my cast-iron bitch grandmother snark at my manipulative-as-hell mother. So I punched out, and just stayed where I was, and thankfully some friends had me over for Christmas dinner. And that Christmas, totally away from any family or in-laws for the first time, was the best Christmas I'd had since I was a little kid, the first time I could remember when the holiday wasn't dominated by dread and anxiety.

So anyway, families are a land of contrasts.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:26 AM on December 4, 2015 [11 favorites]


Nope... the most emotionally moving, yet inappropriate ad for Christmas I have seen today is actually.... this one...

(SFW - PornHub - also, a sad lonely grandfather...)
posted by jkaczor at 7:29 AM on December 4, 2015 [8 favorites]


People of the world: Unless you're going into a witness protection program, faking your death is never okay, much less heartwarming. Parents of the world: Your children don't owe you anything. Germans of the world: thank you for pilsner beer and Nietzsche.
posted by Bob Regular at 7:33 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm not sure what an aging parent whose kids don't care about him should do.

But it probably isn't this.
posted by emjaybee at 7:38 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Germans of the world: thank you for pilsner beer

The entire Czech Republic is here, and they would like to have a word with you.
posted by Itaxpica at 7:40 AM on December 4, 2015 [17 favorites]


Knowing how efficient the German system is, I'm guessing Opa's state benefits were cut off the moment he mailed out the funeral notices.
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:45 AM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


What was grandpa doing in Germany in WWII?

I think we just coined the phrase "Emotional Godwinning"


You know who ELSE had an emotionally-manipulative grandfather...
posted by briank at 7:48 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LtjGL1DkTE&feature=youtu.be&t=265
posted by Nothing at 7:51 AM on December 4, 2015


I need more context to make this decision, because they are obviously tugging on "you silly, selfish people, never making time for your elderly family", but I also wanna know if Opa ever spent the time or effort in his younger years visiting the kids instead of expecting everyone to gather around the Family Patriarch.

Why yes, I am the only person who moved away from "home" and has spent the time and money to make every single visit in the last 7 years. It also sucks to be the kid and feel like your family never cares enough to visit YOU!
posted by nakedmolerats at 7:53 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


(Also, of course, nowhere here does it mention that the children might be visiting their in-laws for the holiday!)
posted by nakedmolerats at 7:55 AM on December 4, 2015


The worst thing I ever saw was Night Train to Mundo Fine (Red Zone Cuba) in its entirety, without the MST3k commentary. I own that film.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 7:59 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


I guess I'm the only one who thought: "What a tiny shriveled turkey. And the bird's small too."
posted by chavenet at 8:07 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


"Remember that time that grandpa faked his death at Christmas and we all had such a great laugh?" said no one ever.
posted by Phreesh at 8:16 AM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Well. Someone has to say it. It's a fucking commercial with no other purpose than to help a heartless, deceptive corporation find a way to stick it's hand deeper into one's pockets. Shame on that company (and all others which do this crap) and double shame on the soul-less drones who think this shit up and foist it on passive consumers.

Be a citizen and not a consumer.
posted by CincyBlues at 8:29 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Just think of the eulogies his family can now write.
posted by jeather at 8:30 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Stupid me - I suspected I'd be sorry as hell I watched that, and I was right. Now I'm neither laughing nor maudlin, just appalled and angry. Manipulative guilt-tripping like that is one of the big reasons I now live on the other side of the country from my family; I don't need any more of it in my life.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:39 AM on December 4, 2015


Also my grandfather died a year ago tomorrow so I am alternately sad and amused by the ad.
posted by jeather at 8:50 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yeah, my grandpa is getting up in years and I know when he passes I will be sad about all the holidays etc that I didn't make it to. But I think that happens whether you've missed one or ten holidays, you know??

I feel guilty to be bitter at all towards him, but then I also think, he is sad to never see me but I usually come for several days at Christmas and usually only see him on Christmas Day. I think he would like to see me more than once, but he never tries to make other plans and really, I took the time and money to fly 1000+ miles here and I have to make all the plans to get together too?

I know.. he's my grandpa and I should be more grateful and I'll regret it. But doing all the emotional labor sucks.
posted by nakedmolerats at 9:01 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm picturing an extended version where the final scene of the grandfather not being dead is actually just a desperate fantasy from the family as it smash cuts back to them standing in the cold empty house of the for real dead grandpa. A bummer, but it would still convey the "wish we had" feeling and avoid painting him as a manipulative weirdo inciting emotional terrorism.

But it's an ad, so. Yeah.
posted by infinitelives at 9:22 AM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


And here I thought I would be watching the Folger kids getting it on. I'm rooting for you guys.
posted by maxwelton at 9:29 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


I spent a good part of my life expecting that I would be spending Christmases alone and probably dead with my cats eating my face off and mostly I was worried if it would be possible to rehome a cat that had consumed dead human flesh.

So I guess my bar for feeling sad about people being alone on Christmas is set sort of high? And that's why I'm laughing?
posted by angrycat at 9:31 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


So I had just told my dad that I can't bring my family to come and see him for his birthday/Christmas, because he's 6,000 miles away in Hawaii and it would cost us $12,000 just for airline tickets, when my sister posted this on my FB page. And now I'm wondering how much it would cost for me to get there alone for a few days because, guilt. It's not my fault he lives 6,000 miles away (I live 50 miles from where I grew up; he's the one that moved) but that doesn't make it easier. Neither does the jacked-up fares to Hawaii at Christmastime.
posted by ceejaytee at 9:56 AM on December 4, 2015


Sheesh. Is there even a "low season" for fares to Hawaii? Y'all need to have "Christmas in (that month)."

Regardless of who moved , I think once your kids are adults you have joint responsibility to visit each other... at least until the parents are too old to travel. And even then, ya know, you can only do the best you can.
posted by nakedmolerats at 10:06 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


This hit me pretty hard in the feels.

I grew up in a large family, where at holidays, everyone, I mean everyone, even my no-good smuggler uncle, would come to my little grandmother's house for the holidays. I thought it would be eternal. It was some of the best times of my life. You felt wrapped in love and this rich history.

Then she got more frail. She couldn't cook it all anymore, not by herself. This happened while I was away, so I don't know why it happened. I came back from the Army, and called to find out what we were doing. My grandmother said I was a good girl, but I didn't have to come. Well! I didn't understand, but you come, of course. I brought food I bought at the supermarket just in case. When I showed up, she didn't believe it at first. She lived alone with my other grandmother, who had some Alzheimer's. Sometimes she would forget her English. They were both in bathrobes, hair untidy and just heartbreaking. My little grandmother was feeding Chinese food on little plates to four or five cats, at the table. When I showed up, she was so happy she ran into the other room and chattered at my other grandmother, who didn't believe it was real.

My grandmother lived way up in the Bronx, and every holiday I trudged up there, on the train, with bags full of food. Only once did one other person come. I can't describe how happy it made them - or how they started dressing up and wearing their favorite jewelry and talking with laughing eyes about my love life. My grandmother with the Alzheimer's could never remember whose kid I was, but she always remembered me.

She died, of course. Like elderly grandmothers do, no matter what your secretly-a-child self thinks of her permanence. They dressed her in her favorite dress, her jewelry. Did her hair and makeup. And everyone came. Everyone came to kiss her cold cheek and take their Mass card, to talk to each other at the funeral, to laugh and tell stories and be young again, to all go out to dinner afterwards.

No one understood the right reason why I was crying.

I think of that when I watch this. And I wish I'd done it.
posted by corb at 10:35 AM on December 4, 2015 [16 favorites]


It is very easy to tell who in this thread has elderly parents.

I'm not really dead inside, I'm just pretending so my inside's children come and visit it.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:01 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Coach Bryant says call your mom.
posted by bukvich at 12:14 PM on December 4, 2015


....And as they all enjoyed the splendid dessert, Grandpapa surveyed the length and breadth of the table. Taking in the happy, yet tearful, faces he spoke: "I know that some of you must think that this was a rather drastic action on my part, but I felt that it was the only way to gather you all together again. I have to admit that your declining my original invitation caused me no small amount of sadness. I am old. I shall not see another Christmas." Some of the family shifted uncomfortably in their chairs. He continued: "I come from a generation that valued family and tradition. Yours, it seems, values convenience. Since I appeared to be inconvenient at this point in time it required a rather severe scenario to bring you all here. This, I must say, made me rather angry." By now, many of the people at the table were beginning to fidget and look a bit pale. Grandpapa stood, raised his glass, and said: "Merry Christmas, everyone! I see you've all partaken of the wonderful Black Forest Torte I had baked especially for this dinner. I'm told that the poison I folded into the recipe is rather quick and, conveniently painless."
posted by TDavis at 1:38 PM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Son-in-law, to his wife: "I told you we should have left right after the fune-ack-aarghlpth!"
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:51 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


On in-law to another: "I guess this means that bastard Pops gets the Tontine payoff..."
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:53 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


(Yes, thanks to folks like robocop is bleeding and TDavis, I've managed to regain my sense of humor and get on with my day)
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:57 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Well, shit. I shouldn't have watched it.

I am so fucking overwhelmed with my life right now. I am in the middle of a shitty day in a shitty week in a shitty month in a shitty year, that I have a five month old baby who is adorable and awesome and I love him to death and is the happiest guy you will ever meet but can't sleep to save his life so I have roughly 350 hours of sleep debt at this point so all I can think is GODDAMN I AM SO TIRED I AM SO TIRED I AM SO TIRED... and I'm back at work "part time" which is a laugh because the expectations are full time, and I just got a promotion which is great but there are all these new responsibilities and expectations which again I have to do in half the time, and my best friend and closest colleague is moving soon which means tons more work and also NO FRIEND and it's fucking 100 degrees outside today which means that we have to be watching for a fire so we don't burn to death and my three-year-old is crying because today is the last day of playgroup because of the upcoming summer holidays which mean that many more days off in which we get to entertain small children rather than do all the work at my job that keeps piling up and I HAVE FORGOTTEN WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO NOT BE SO FUCKING OVERWHELMED.

And one of the few things I haven't been feeling guilty and overwhelmed about was Christmas. But now I do! Because my parents live all the way in America and we live in Australia and I haven't been home for Christmas in ages and with a three-year-old and a baby there is no way we're going to be going home for ages more, and my parents can't visit us because they can't afford it and it's a huge trip for them but we can't afford to pay for them to come all the way out, and I miss my parents and WHAT KIND OF AWFUL PERSON AM I to have made these life choices that mean that I'm in Australia while my whole family is in America missing their grandkids and me?

So, thanks, stupid shitty commercial.
posted by forza at 2:10 PM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Just because he's a Grandpa doesn't mean he gets a pass for being a manipulative asshole. If he's capable of faking his death just to get some attention from his no doubt for a good reason estranged kids, he's capable of anything. What's going on under that fake smile and Grandpa hair? Guilt for the way he bullied his kids? That's what I figure.

A friend of mine posted this on FB talking about all the feels, and all I could do was comment YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY WHEN I'M DEAD which may have caused offense, but this commercial is offensive too. And I watched the damn thing.
posted by jokeefe at 2:28 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Teacher, I have to go to my grandfather's funeral again. No I didn't fake the last one. He did.
posted by yeolcoatl at 2:40 PM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


Forza, Christmas isn't your fault. Do a quick checklist: Do I love Mom and Dad? Check. Do Mom and Dad love me? Check. Do I wish we could be together, ever. Check. The 25th of December is NO different than any other day on the calendar. We've just been bombarded by films, commercials and decorations that tell us that we're some kind of bad people if we don't celebrate in a certain way. That is not how it is. We all have a certain nostalgia for holidays and that's not really a bad thing. Just don't let nostalgia replace real love and feeling.
posted by TDavis at 2:43 PM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Hugs to you, forza. Don't let this stupid ad get you down! We owe our parents love (assuming they're good parents) but not cutting short our dreams so that they never have to miss us. When they're grown would you want your darling children not to do what they loved because you might miss them at Christmas? No way!

I bet your parents are proud and brag about you. I bet they're happy you're having adventures.

Hope works gets better. First year with a new baby is just a hard slog and there's no getting around it.
posted by emjaybee at 3:04 PM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


This ad is so bad I needed a LOOONG mental palate cleanser. Thank you giraffes! Thank you Dino Merlin!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 7:07 PM on December 4, 2015


You think he's this manipulative for Christmas, just wait until you see what he did to get married.
posted by happyroach at 8:07 PM on December 4, 2015


About a year before my grandmother died at 95 she had a significant health scare, like a "this is it!" sort of thing, so the entire family rushed to her nursing home in anticipation of the inevitable.

My grandmother just turned 97 and lives on the opposite coast so I only see her once or twice a year. Every time I do, I make my peace with her, "I love you, I'm so happy you're in my life, I'm happy you're doing so well, I loved all the summers I spent with you as a kid."

I know the "this is it!" moment is coming, and it will be sad, but I kind of feel like I'm ready for it, maybe even over-ready.

Why yes, I am the only person who moved away from "home" and has spent the time and money to make every single visit in the last 7 years. It also sucks to be the kid and feel like your family never cares enough to visit YOU!

nakedmolerats I am feeling you so hard you might get uncomfortable.
posted by bendy at 8:13 PM on December 4, 2015


I vote for "I hate everyone in this commercial."

Also, this instantly reminded me of the scene in Brain Candy.
posted by zardoz at 9:31 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Forza- I think the best way to look at it is - would you go if you could afford it? If yes, then you're not being bad, you're just being impacted by shitty financial circumstances.
posted by corb at 9:04 AM on December 5, 2015


I have a totally mixed reaction to this. On the one hand, I miss my family because I live away from them and it made me cry.

On the other hand, that's some nasty-assed emotional manipulation, and I'm pretty sure if someone did that in real life, no one would be pleased to see the old bastard.

On the third hand, let's think through the logistics of this for a bit. Opa is old and he lives alone. All his kids are too busy to see him. Who did they think sent out those funeral notices? If you got a printed funeral notice for your father in the mail, wouldn't you stop and think 'Wait, how did no one phone me about this? I have an iPhone. Facetime. Facebook. Google Hangouts. SMS. Whatsapp. 27 email accounts. Why the fuck am I finding out my father died through the goddamned mail?'
posted by jacquilynne at 11:44 AM on December 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


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