"Everyone puts them inside their ears, but no one should."
January 21, 2016 7:39 AM Subscribe
"Plenty of consumer products are widely used in ways other than their core function — books for leveling tables, newspapers for keeping fires aflame, seltzer for removing stains, coffee tables for resting legs — but these cotton swabs are distinct. Q-tips are one of the only, if not the only, major consumer products whose main purpose is precisely the one the manufacturer explicitly warns against." Roberto A. Ferdman of the Washington Post takes a detailed look at what he calls "one of the most perplexing things for sale in America," including a look at the bureaucratic tangle which makes it difficult to quantify annual Q-tip related injuries. (previously)
There is a current AskMe that is also relevant.
posted by soelo at 7:51 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by soelo at 7:51 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Warning against Q-Tip ear canal insertion is most likely to fall on deaf ears.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:53 AM on January 21, 2016 [41 favorites]
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:53 AM on January 21, 2016 [41 favorites]
If anyone's looking to break the Q-Tip ear habit, I suggest Penn Jilette's essay on the topic, which, fair warning, is horrifying. There's a WayBack link in this old AskMe about the topic.
Personally, I only use Q-Tips (or rather the Target-brand knock-off) for putting lanolin up my nose (on my ENT's recommendation, no less) and for cleaning old oil paintings.
posted by pie ninja at 7:58 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Personally, I only use Q-Tips (or rather the Target-brand knock-off) for putting lanolin up my nose (on my ENT's recommendation, no less) and for cleaning old oil paintings.
posted by pie ninja at 7:58 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Just reading this made me need to go get a Q-Tip and stick it in my ears.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:58 AM on January 21, 2016 [17 favorites]
posted by Lyn Never at 7:58 AM on January 21, 2016 [17 favorites]
There's gotta be a better way!
Oh gods, that look of "How could you betray me, Q-Tip?!?"
posted by Etrigan at 8:02 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
Oh gods, that look of "How could you betray me, Q-Tip?!?"
posted by Etrigan at 8:02 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
This reminds me of a Kurt Vonnegut Jr. quotation:
The only advice my father ever gave me was this: “Never stick anything in your ear.” The tiniest bones in your body are inside your ears, you know — and your sense of balance, too. If you mess around with your ears, you could not only become deaf, but you could also start falling down all the time. So just leave your ears completely alone. They’re fine, just the way they are.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 8:08 AM on January 21, 2016 [13 favorites]
The only advice my father ever gave me was this: “Never stick anything in your ear.” The tiniest bones in your body are inside your ears, you know — and your sense of balance, too. If you mess around with your ears, you could not only become deaf, but you could also start falling down all the time. So just leave your ears completely alone. They’re fine, just the way they are.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 8:08 AM on January 21, 2016 [13 favorites]
I jammed a Q-tip into my ears every morning for many years before I realized that I really oughtn't. It's been more than a decade, probably, but a couple of months ago I went suddenly, painfully deaf in one ear. The amount of impacted wax in both ears was incredible. So was the pain while removing it. And so was the feeling of being able to hear.
I also gave myself a wicked ear infection scratching an itch in my ear seven or eight years ago, possibly caused by earwax weirdness. The pain was almost unbearable, and I was pretty sure I was going to wind up deaf (I didn't).
Bottom line: don't stick stuff in your ears.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:14 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I also gave myself a wicked ear infection scratching an itch in my ear seven or eight years ago, possibly caused by earwax weirdness. The pain was almost unbearable, and I was pretty sure I was going to wind up deaf (I didn't).
Bottom line: don't stick stuff in your ears.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:14 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
COUNTERPOINT
I stopped using Q-Tips years ago. Bic Ballpoint pen caps are where it's at! You can scrape out the wax, dirt, dried skin, bugs, fresh skin, blood, ear drums, and small bones that accumulate in your ears in no time with a Bic pen cap!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:14 AM on January 21, 2016 [25 favorites]
I stopped using Q-Tips years ago. Bic Ballpoint pen caps are where it's at! You can scrape out the wax, dirt, dried skin, bugs, fresh skin, blood, ear drums, and small bones that accumulate in your ears in no time with a Bic pen cap!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:14 AM on January 21, 2016 [25 favorites]
I also gave myself a wicked ear infection scratching an itch in my ear seven or eight years ago, possibly caused by earwax weirdness.
I get super super itchy right inside my ear canal near the ear itself and the doctor said to get mineral oil (not baby oil which has fragrances and stuff) and put a little bit right inside your ear using a Q-tip; don't really stick it in, just use it to put the mineral oil on like moisturizer. It's helped a lot, both in terms of making my ears less itchy and in giving me something to do to distract me from how itchy they are.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:17 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
I get super super itchy right inside my ear canal near the ear itself and the doctor said to get mineral oil (not baby oil which has fragrances and stuff) and put a little bit right inside your ear using a Q-tip; don't really stick it in, just use it to put the mineral oil on like moisturizer. It's helped a lot, both in terms of making my ears less itchy and in giving me something to do to distract me from how itchy they are.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:17 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
Q-tips were one of the few things with magical fight-ending properties in my house growing up.
When my parents were first married, apparently my mom was swabbing out her ears when my dad came rushing up behind her to romantically swoop her up. Unfortunately they had low ceilings and he rammed her head right into them, causing her to jab the q-tip way too far in. She ruptured her ear drum and it was an extremely traumatic experience. Ever since then, anyone in the family holding a q-tip got immediate respect and the room froze. (Because of course she didn't actually stop using q-tips.)
So anyway, my brother and I grew up hearing this horror story, and q-tips were one of the Big 3 things you didn't play or fight near. (The others were the top of the stairs and the brick hearth.)
My brother and I fought a lot, and hard, as kids. Rather than admit defeat at any point, if the fighting got to be too much, we'd simply dash into the bathroom, grab a q-tip, shout I'M CLEANING MY EARS! and the fight would immediately stop.
You don't mess with q-tips, man.
posted by phunniemee at 8:17 AM on January 21, 2016 [91 favorites]
When my parents were first married, apparently my mom was swabbing out her ears when my dad came rushing up behind her to romantically swoop her up. Unfortunately they had low ceilings and he rammed her head right into them, causing her to jab the q-tip way too far in. She ruptured her ear drum and it was an extremely traumatic experience. Ever since then, anyone in the family holding a q-tip got immediate respect and the room froze. (Because of course she didn't actually stop using q-tips.)
So anyway, my brother and I grew up hearing this horror story, and q-tips were one of the Big 3 things you didn't play or fight near. (The others were the top of the stairs and the brick hearth.)
My brother and I fought a lot, and hard, as kids. Rather than admit defeat at any point, if the fighting got to be too much, we'd simply dash into the bathroom, grab a q-tip, shout I'M CLEANING MY EARS! and the fight would immediately stop.
You don't mess with q-tips, man.
posted by phunniemee at 8:17 AM on January 21, 2016 [91 favorites]
I mean, don't jam anything into any part of your body, as a general rule.
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:18 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:18 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Q-tips are one of the only, if not the only, major consumer products whose main purpose is precisely the one the manufacturer explicitly warns against.
There's several large stores near me that carry a certain line of products, many of which the manufacturers label as "for external use only" and "for novelty purposes only."
posted by Candleman at 8:18 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
There's several large stores near me that carry a certain line of products, many of which the manufacturers label as "for external use only" and "for novelty purposes only."
posted by Candleman at 8:18 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
I do actually just use them on the outside, and, like, around the edges? Like for any wax that is getting unruly and out of place? It seems really uncomfortable to jam them in.
I'm so goth I only use the black ones from Muji, though. Plus they're smaller and more tightly wrapped and just nicer. I do feel silly making sure to stop and buy q-tips every time I visit NYC, though.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 8:19 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I'm so goth I only use the black ones from Muji, though. Plus they're smaller and more tightly wrapped and just nicer. I do feel silly making sure to stop and buy q-tips every time I visit NYC, though.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 8:19 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
You can also do what my dog does and dig your earwax out with your toes then lick it off as a tasty treat to reward yourself for all your hard work.
posted by phunniemee at 8:20 AM on January 21, 2016 [15 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 8:20 AM on January 21, 2016 [15 favorites]
One alternative popular in East Asia is the ear pick. Which is a hard, sharp scraping device; you thought poking a cotton swab in your eardrum was dangerous! Maybe it's safe because it's often used with a friend, a social grooming ritual. (Or so I've read; it sounds absolutely hideous to me.)
Worth noting humans have two different kinds of ear wax depending on their genetics: wet and dry. East Asians tend to have flaky dry ear wax, which may explain why their dangerous ear cleaning tools are dangerous in a different way.
posted by Nelson at 8:20 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Worth noting humans have two different kinds of ear wax depending on their genetics: wet and dry. East Asians tend to have flaky dry ear wax, which may explain why their dangerous ear cleaning tools are dangerous in a different way.
posted by Nelson at 8:20 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I'm so goth I only use the black ones from Muji, though. Plus they're smaller and more tightly wrapped and just nicer.
OMG, there are black Q-tips???? (Or rather, black cotton swabs.) /me runs to look up the closest Muji
posted by holborne at 8:22 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
OMG, there are black Q-tips???? (Or rather, black cotton swabs.) /me runs to look up the closest Muji
posted by holborne at 8:22 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
In 1923, Gerstenzang introduced Baby Gays, the first sanitized cotton swabs.
O_O
posted by chavenet at 8:26 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
O_O
posted by chavenet at 8:26 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
If my pair is any indication, Apple earbuds are the perfect earwax removal tool.
posted by bondcliff at 8:26 AM on January 21, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by bondcliff at 8:26 AM on January 21, 2016 [8 favorites]
Cleaning my ears with a Q-tip makes me cough in a bizarre, violent way that is ONLY triggered by cleaning my ears with a Q-tip. I'm the only person I know who experiences this, it has gone on my entire life, and I basically only just use my pinky fingers in a hot shower to clean my ears now. And the occasional weird ear drops followed by a bulb syringe rinse. Other than that, well... *cough*
posted by hippybear at 8:28 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 8:28 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
Cleaning my ears with a Q-tip makes me cough in a bizarre, violent way that is ONLY triggered by cleaning my ears with a Q-tip.
This happens to me if I get a little too enthusiastic about depth! It's a very weird feeling.
posted by WidgetAlley at 8:31 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
This happens to me if I get a little too enthusiastic about depth! It's a very weird feeling.
posted by WidgetAlley at 8:31 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
So, I have harbored a weird jealousy of people who are able to pull plugs of wax out of their ears. I'm over 40 and have only occasionally had head-of-a-pin-sized yellow dabs come out, or occasionally light yellow spots on the end of my Q-tips. Mine seems to be mostly liquid and not capable of accumulation in any measurable quantity, as far as I can tell.
I occasionally have bouts of somewhat crippling tinnitus (I've stopped talking, asked my husband if he heard a fire truck or ambulance going by, muted the TV and then cried because clearly it was just my right ear "going off" again). After one of these episodes, my husband - who has the dry, flaky kind of earwax - used a bulb syringe filled with hot water on that ear.
It hurt so badly, I nearly screamed for him to stop. No plugs came out; no visible wax at all, actually.
Am I alone in this? Is there possibly a giant squid-sized lump in each ear, waiting to make medical history, or are there other MeFites who just DON'T get lumpy earwax problems?
I've actually wanted to ask this for years and didn't on the green because it's Chatfilter.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 8:31 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I occasionally have bouts of somewhat crippling tinnitus (I've stopped talking, asked my husband if he heard a fire truck or ambulance going by, muted the TV and then cried because clearly it was just my right ear "going off" again). After one of these episodes, my husband - who has the dry, flaky kind of earwax - used a bulb syringe filled with hot water on that ear.
It hurt so badly, I nearly screamed for him to stop. No plugs came out; no visible wax at all, actually.
Am I alone in this? Is there possibly a giant squid-sized lump in each ear, waiting to make medical history, or are there other MeFites who just DON'T get lumpy earwax problems?
I've actually wanted to ask this for years and didn't on the green because it's Chatfilter.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 8:31 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I also have an involuntary cough when cleaning my ears, but I use a microspatula from the lab. I used to use the nice wooden cored swabs but those ran out when I left the biology lab, so I'm now back to the metal spatula.
posted by koolkat at 8:33 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by koolkat at 8:33 AM on January 21, 2016
la la la I CANT HEAR YOU
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:34 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:34 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Not alone...I don't have earwax trouble either.
posted by merelyglib at 8:35 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by merelyglib at 8:35 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I went deaf in one ear for about 3 weeks because of impacted ear wax. Used the drops and a bulb syringe (with shower-warm water, not hot water) for about 10 days before I finally got my hearing back. Now I use the drops about once every two weeks as maintenance -- one ear one morning before my shower, the other ear the next morning before that shower. Seems to have worked fine.
It was shocking to go completely deaf in one ear, though. Glad the drops / syringe thing worked.
posted by hippybear at 8:35 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
It was shocking to go completely deaf in one ear, though. Glad the drops / syringe thing worked.
posted by hippybear at 8:35 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Am I alone in this? Is there possibly a giant squid-sized lump in each ear, waiting to make medical history, or are there other MeFites who just DON'T get lumpy earwax problems?
I don't get the giant earwax lumps, no. I use Q-tips to get shower-water out of my ears, gently, and to clean the the outside only.
But you should definitely have your ears checked by a doctor if it's hurting like that.
posted by emjaybee at 8:35 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I don't get the giant earwax lumps, no. I use Q-tips to get shower-water out of my ears, gently, and to clean the the outside only.
But you should definitely have your ears checked by a doctor if it's hurting like that.
posted by emjaybee at 8:35 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
You can get your own otoscope, and then have a friend or family member look in your ear canal to see if there is any wax.
posted by yesster at 8:36 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by yesster at 8:36 AM on January 21, 2016
PS. Hippie bear, widgetAlley, you are not alone. Same for me.
Also my partner sneezes when he looks directly into a bright light.
Together we make an absurd symphony.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:36 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
Also my partner sneezes when he looks directly into a bright light.
Together we make an absurd symphony.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:36 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
I pretty much never clean my ears and never have earwax problems either. But I can also pop my eardrums (equalizing pressure) at will, so maybe that has something to do with it.
posted by Etrigan at 8:37 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by Etrigan at 8:37 AM on January 21, 2016
I can also pop my eardrums (equalizing pressure) at will
I can also do this. It looks like I'm yawning, but there's this thing that opens up when I open my mouth in the right way, and suddenly it's all great again. Perfect for airplane flights or after blowing my nose.
posted by hippybear at 8:39 AM on January 21, 2016
I can also do this. It looks like I'm yawning, but there's this thing that opens up when I open my mouth in the right way, and suddenly it's all great again. Perfect for airplane flights or after blowing my nose.
posted by hippybear at 8:39 AM on January 21, 2016
I mean, don't jam anything into any part of your body, as a general rule.
Well there goes my Friday night!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:39 AM on January 21, 2016 [17 favorites]
Well there goes my Friday night!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:39 AM on January 21, 2016 [17 favorites]
I've had 6 or 7 surgeries on one of my ears. The first was when I was about 8, the last was when I was 41. None of them were intended to restore hearing; all were attempts to stop the ear from being permanently infected.
Now, the ear canal opening is a little bigger than normal, but inside that is where the fun begins. It's a cave in there, about the size of a large cherry tomato, maybe bigger.
I take a Q-tip (and it has to be Q-tip, the other brands don't deserve to be manufactured), bend it at a 45 degree angle, and get it in there so I can rub the top of the cave, and remove the stuff that accumulates.
I am very careful in my use of the Q-tip, and I will not be dissuaded from continuing.
Warm water rinses help too.
posted by yesster at 8:43 AM on January 21, 2016
Now, the ear canal opening is a little bigger than normal, but inside that is where the fun begins. It's a cave in there, about the size of a large cherry tomato, maybe bigger.
I take a Q-tip (and it has to be Q-tip, the other brands don't deserve to be manufactured), bend it at a 45 degree angle, and get it in there so I can rub the top of the cave, and remove the stuff that accumulates.
I am very careful in my use of the Q-tip, and I will not be dissuaded from continuing.
Warm water rinses help too.
posted by yesster at 8:43 AM on January 21, 2016
I mean, don't jam anything into any part of your body, as a general rule.
I mean, seriously... *mumblemumble* fun *mumble* the right shape to hit *mumblemumble*
Your rules don't apply to all parts of my body!
posted by hippybear at 8:46 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I mean, seriously... *mumblemumble* fun *mumble* the right shape to hit *mumblemumble*
Your rules don't apply to all parts of my body!
posted by hippybear at 8:46 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
It's a cave in there, about the size of a large cherry tomato, maybe bigger.
How much of the rest of the important parts of your head did they have to remove to make that cavity? Jeebus!
posted by hippybear at 8:47 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
How much of the rest of the important parts of your head did they have to remove to make that cavity? Jeebus!
posted by hippybear at 8:47 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
In the last week I have spent more time counseling patients about Qtips than about smoking. Such is the life in Pediatric Urgent Care.
posted by The White Hat at 8:49 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by The White Hat at 8:49 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Can we all just admit how obsessed MetaFilter is with the Q-Tip. It's really quite amazing.
Second. I only do it for the itching. I have allergies and despite taking allegra every day, my ears still itch CONSTANTLY. So, you'll take away my Q-Tips over my cold, itchy body.
Admission: I had a Q-Tip in my hand as I stumbled upon this FPP.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:50 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
Second. I only do it for the itching. I have allergies and despite taking allegra every day, my ears still itch CONSTANTLY. So, you'll take away my Q-Tips over my cold, itchy body.
Admission: I had a Q-Tip in my hand as I stumbled upon this FPP.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:50 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
Whenever I find myself thinking “why don’t they just stop smoking/drinking/snorting drain cleaner” type thoughts about any kind of addiction, I remind myself that I am psychologically incapable of not using Qtips in my ears. I can read a million stories about how dangerous it is, but I tell myself I have it under control, no one needs to know, I just need it right after a shower, I JUST NEED IT. And then I stop feeling so self-righteous and pharisaical about anyone addicted to anything.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 8:51 AM on January 21, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by a fiendish thingy at 8:51 AM on January 21, 2016 [9 favorites]
MetaFilter: I had a Q-Tip in my hand as I stumbled upon this FPP.
posted by hippybear at 8:53 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 8:53 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
What on earth are people doing with q-tips that they manage to impact wax in great globs? After I take a shower, I occasionally take a q-tip and gently roll it around the inside of the outer ear canal, removing small amounts of wax. Are people trying to scrub their eardrum or something?
posted by tavella at 8:55 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by tavella at 8:55 AM on January 21, 2016
I spent 45 minutes at the doctor yesterday trying to get them to diagnose an ear problem that I'm pretty sure was caused by my use of Qtips. They sent me home with instructions to use advil for a week, and if it doesn't go away they'll give me antibiotic/steroid ear drops.
Hurts real bad, you guys.
Don't use Qtips in your ears.
posted by zrail at 8:56 AM on January 21, 2016
Hurts real bad, you guys.
Don't use Qtips in your ears.
posted by zrail at 8:56 AM on January 21, 2016
How much of the rest of the important parts of your head did they have to remove to make that cavity? Jeebus!
My sense of balance is permanently deficient. Supposedly there's no brain damage though.
posted by yesster at 8:56 AM on January 21, 2016
My sense of balance is permanently deficient. Supposedly there's no brain damage though.
posted by yesster at 8:56 AM on January 21, 2016
My ears generate an amount of earwax that a doctor once described as "remarkable". (He wasn't prone to poetic expression.) It's gooey and thick and even when I was using a Q-tip every day *cough* it would take 4-5 two-ended Q-tips of goo per ear before the Q-tip came out clean. YMMV, obviously based on your genetics.
posted by hippybear at 8:57 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by hippybear at 8:57 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Once, when I was at Navy Medical for some unrelated reason, the corpsman noted something was screwy with my right ear. He asked me if it was ok to take care of it and after I consented he gleefully went to work on my ear with a mixture of tweezers, forceps, and alcohol for nearly a half hour. This was an intensely unpleasant experience, but at the end he extracted a rock-hard lump the size of a fingernail of ear wax and dried blood and god knows what else. I had no idea it was in there. I have never had such an earborne object before or since.
I do not use Q-tips.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 8:58 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I do not use Q-tips.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 8:58 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
We've started using one of these Elephant Ear Wash things at the medical practice I work at instead of the old school giant metal syringe for cerumen impactions. Works quite well, but I don't know how effective it'd be for home use as the doctors and nurses have the benefit of an otoscope to look at the wax bolus in the ear.
We also generally counsel people to lubricate the buildup with a few drops of oil for a few days prior to their appointment - "oh any old oil, mineral oil or even vegetable oil" we'd say, until the day came when someone used coconut oil. Magical ~internet woo~ properties of coconut oil aside, let me tell you one thing it is not good for - putting in your ears. There is not enough body heat there to keep it liquid, and you end up with an ear wax and coconut impaction.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 9:03 AM on January 21, 2016 [8 favorites]
We also generally counsel people to lubricate the buildup with a few drops of oil for a few days prior to their appointment - "oh any old oil, mineral oil or even vegetable oil" we'd say, until the day came when someone used coconut oil. Magical ~internet woo~ properties of coconut oil aside, let me tell you one thing it is not good for - putting in your ears. There is not enough body heat there to keep it liquid, and you end up with an ear wax and coconut impaction.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 9:03 AM on January 21, 2016 [8 favorites]
Having recently moved from an apartment equipped with mentally unstable neighbor, barking dog neighbor, and neighbor who gives block parties every Friday and Saturday in the summer, I had gotten in the habit of wearing foam earplugs to bed almost every night.
And then, when I noticed that I was hearing worse and my ears were itchier, I doubled down and tried cleaning my ears with Q-tips.
Eventually I had to resort to the Debrox and the warm-water syringe.
And that is the story of how I learned to use the silicone flanged earplugs instead of the squishy foam ones -- at least, I hope the other kind are better for my ears.
posted by Jeanne at 9:04 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
And then, when I noticed that I was hearing worse and my ears were itchier, I doubled down and tried cleaning my ears with Q-tips.
Eventually I had to resort to the Debrox and the warm-water syringe.
And that is the story of how I learned to use the silicone flanged earplugs instead of the squishy foam ones -- at least, I hope the other kind are better for my ears.
posted by Jeanne at 9:04 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
you end up with an ear wax and coconut impaction
And I bet that smells great.
posted by fiercecupcake at 9:05 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
And I bet that smells great.
posted by fiercecupcake at 9:05 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I remember some commercial (probably a Q-Tip commercial) that ended with the line "Never put anything into your ear.....except your elbow."
posted by Lucinda at 9:07 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Lucinda at 9:07 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I just wash my ears with soap and water in the shower and then twirl a dry q-tip in them when I get out. If I'm dead-in-bed sick or can't shower for some kind of medical reason then after about 4-5 days I need to do the q-tip twirl with a damp one and then there is a little smudge of wax but that's it.
i am glad the earwax fairy doesn't seem to know where i live because idk how the hell i would cope with prying a chunk of candy corn out of my head on a regular basis
posted by poffin boffin at 9:08 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
i am glad the earwax fairy doesn't seem to know where i live because idk how the hell i would cope with prying a chunk of candy corn out of my head on a regular basis
posted by poffin boffin at 9:08 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
But if you were to put that chunk under your pillow, you'd find a quarter there the next morning!
posted by hippybear at 9:11 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 9:11 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
TMI TMI
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:14 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:14 AM on January 21, 2016
I've had a persistent irritating issue with water in my right ear for a couple of years now. First of course I saw my doctor, who said no problems visible. Then I read all the AskmeFis because indeed, MetaFilter IS obsessed with ear swabs and alternatives, and then I tried everything instead of Q tips. Because MetaFilter suggestions are, as we all know, comprehensive. So among other things I used Elephant Ear wash, mineral oil, Japanese ear swabs, etc. etc.
And you know what? Wriggling my finger tip in my right ear periodically and swabbing every AM with a Q tip after showering is still the best solution I've found.
Also, Q tips are awesome for cleaning and fixing mascara and many other non ear chores. They'll get 'em away from me only when I am cold and dead.
posted by bearwife at 9:17 AM on January 21, 2016
And you know what? Wriggling my finger tip in my right ear periodically and swabbing every AM with a Q tip after showering is still the best solution I've found.
Also, Q tips are awesome for cleaning and fixing mascara and many other non ear chores. They'll get 'em away from me only when I am cold and dead.
posted by bearwife at 9:17 AM on January 21, 2016
the doctor said to get mineral oil (not baby oil which has fragrances and stuff) and put a little bit right inside your ear using a Q-tip
This sounds a lot like the preferred treatment for rabbits with ear-mite infestations. The doctor didn't by any chance say something that sounded like "mites?"
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:23 AM on January 21, 2016
This sounds a lot like the preferred treatment for rabbits with ear-mite infestations. The doctor didn't by any chance say something that sounded like "mites?"
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:23 AM on January 21, 2016
This is a horrible thread to read during breakfast
posted by a car full of lions at 9:39 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by a car full of lions at 9:39 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
But I can also pop my eardrums (equalizing pressure) at will, so maybe that has something to do with it.
This is just voluntarily opening your Eustachian tubes. It doesn't have anything to do with your ear drums per se. Some people can move their Eustachian tubes at will; others have to do something like a valsalva.
I've commented a lot on AskMe about using q-tips. Here's a general summary of the general advice I give my patients.
I see a lot of older folks, and the q-tips are much more problematic in that population, just because as you age, you tend to create more wax and it tends to get drier.
Most people don't have any issues with q-tips, but I beat the "don't stick them in your ear" drum because of the small percentage of folks who do end up with an impaction or perf their eardrum. In any case, nothing you do with a q-tip will cause permanent damage. It's really just the pain. Having an impaction removed isn't fun, and a perf will hurt like hell, and may require reconstructive surgery.
If you're going to use your damn q-tips, and I know you all are, please just be a bit smart about it. The average adult ear canal is about 25 mm. The final third of that is bone and that is where you do not want to be sticking your q-tip. So you definitely want to stick fewer than about 15 mm into your ear canal (and that's average) - and really less than 10 would be safer. If you feel you're moving the q-tip past a second bend in the canal, stop! Also don't push the q-tip back along the wall of the canal. It's better to move it carefully back into the canal without touching the wall, swirl it along the wall, and then pull it out. You don't want to be pushing any wax back.
This is not my professional audiological advice, of course. This is only for you irresponsible folks who are determined to stick that stuff in your ears! There's no way that I would know the safest ways to use q-tips because I would never, never I say, do any such thing (ahem).
Also, never do it by any sort of door that may open unexpectedly and knock your elbow.
And seriously, if you really have tons of wax, you need to be going to an audiologist or ENT to have them remove that stuff. If you don't have tons of wax, there's no need to do anything about it, other than the guilty pleasure of it.
posted by Lutoslawski at 9:46 AM on January 21, 2016 [9 favorites]
This is just voluntarily opening your Eustachian tubes. It doesn't have anything to do with your ear drums per se. Some people can move their Eustachian tubes at will; others have to do something like a valsalva.
I've commented a lot on AskMe about using q-tips. Here's a general summary of the general advice I give my patients.
I see a lot of older folks, and the q-tips are much more problematic in that population, just because as you age, you tend to create more wax and it tends to get drier.
Most people don't have any issues with q-tips, but I beat the "don't stick them in your ear" drum because of the small percentage of folks who do end up with an impaction or perf their eardrum. In any case, nothing you do with a q-tip will cause permanent damage. It's really just the pain. Having an impaction removed isn't fun, and a perf will hurt like hell, and may require reconstructive surgery.
If you're going to use your damn q-tips, and I know you all are, please just be a bit smart about it. The average adult ear canal is about 25 mm. The final third of that is bone and that is where you do not want to be sticking your q-tip. So you definitely want to stick fewer than about 15 mm into your ear canal (and that's average) - and really less than 10 would be safer. If you feel you're moving the q-tip past a second bend in the canal, stop! Also don't push the q-tip back along the wall of the canal. It's better to move it carefully back into the canal without touching the wall, swirl it along the wall, and then pull it out. You don't want to be pushing any wax back.
This is not my professional audiological advice, of course. This is only for you irresponsible folks who are determined to stick that stuff in your ears! There's no way that I would know the safest ways to use q-tips because I would never, never I say, do any such thing (ahem).
Also, never do it by any sort of door that may open unexpectedly and knock your elbow.
And seriously, if you really have tons of wax, you need to be going to an audiologist or ENT to have them remove that stuff. If you don't have tons of wax, there's no need to do anything about it, other than the guilty pleasure of it.
posted by Lutoslawski at 9:46 AM on January 21, 2016 [9 favorites]
After a recent cold that left one of my ears substantially dulled for over a week (despite the fact that I could "pop" the ear by pressurizing my nasal passages and eustachian tubes), I looked into the possibility of homemade otoscopes. There was one pretty great DIY using a lens from a cheap jeweler's loupe and, of all things, a kit of pastry tips, all taped to a cellphone.
Then I discovered that 5.5mm (under 1/4", or just barely under 7/32") Boroscope/endoscopes, with LED lighting and a USB connection, can be obtained cheaply on Amazon.com. You are thinking what I'm thinking, as long as you're thinking about ears.
posted by Sunburnt at 9:51 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
Then I discovered that 5.5mm (under 1/4", or just barely under 7/32") Boroscope/endoscopes, with LED lighting and a USB connection, can be obtained cheaply on Amazon.com. You are thinking what I'm thinking, as long as you're thinking about ears.
posted by Sunburnt at 9:51 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
#10 PARTICLE BOARD SCREWS. The threads are perfect for dislodging vast chunks of earwax.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 10:38 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 10:38 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
I'm like hippybear; my ears create an absurd amount of wax. I have been deafened by impacted wax due to improper cleaning three times in my life. Every time I take a shower now, I aim the warm stream into my ear canals. I don't put anything else in my ears; no Q-tips, no hairpins, no Bic pen caps, nothing.
If your hearing becomes impaired by wax buildup or impaction, go to a doctor. He or she will have a nifty ear syringe that pushes about 8 oz of warm water (so as not to screw with your balance) into your affected ear canal. Then you just wait while the excess wax falls out into a bedpan.
If you're lucky, you will get to see something that few people ever see: a plug of wax about the size and shape of a AAA battery floating in warm bedpan water. It's fascinating, a bit like watching those youtube zit-popping videos but without as much of a vomit factor.
posted by infinitewindow at 10:41 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
If your hearing becomes impaired by wax buildup or impaction, go to a doctor. He or she will have a nifty ear syringe that pushes about 8 oz of warm water (so as not to screw with your balance) into your affected ear canal. Then you just wait while the excess wax falls out into a bedpan.
If you're lucky, you will get to see something that few people ever see: a plug of wax about the size and shape of a AAA battery floating in warm bedpan water. It's fascinating, a bit like watching those youtube zit-popping videos but without as much of a vomit factor.
posted by infinitewindow at 10:41 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I always wondered about the Ferengi ear picks on DS9 until someone cleaned me ear out with an ear scraper (mimikaki), it feels so good. But all this talk of using warm water or oil to get huge plugs of wax intrigues me and I'm going to give it a try over the weekend.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 10:46 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 10:46 AM on January 21, 2016
Then I discovered that 5.5mm (under 1/4", or just barely under 7/32") Boroscope/endoscopes, with LED lighting and a USB connection, can be obtained cheaply on Amazon.com. You are thinking what I'm thinking, as long as you're thinking about ears.
Somewhere in the depths of Amazon's review vaults is something my dad wrote on the topic of whether a one of those things would be useful for performing a home colonoscopy. His general answer was that it might work, but you would regret it. He then sent the full text of his review to me in an e-mail, and I still don't know why any of it happened.
posted by Copronymus at 10:56 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Somewhere in the depths of Amazon's review vaults is something my dad wrote on the topic of whether a one of those things would be useful for performing a home colonoscopy. His general answer was that it might work, but you would regret it. He then sent the full text of his review to me in an e-mail, and I still don't know why any of it happened.
posted by Copronymus at 10:56 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
For all you Q-tip coughers, I posted a link to some science about this phenomenon in the previous post. In a nutshell: you are the elite (or the dregs, I guess it depends on your perspective).
I remain firmly of the opinion that the occasional careful but vigorous use of the Q-tip is good for one's constitution. Medical experts be damned.
posted by Kabanos at 11:08 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
I remain firmly of the opinion that the occasional careful but vigorous use of the Q-tip is good for one's constitution. Medical experts be damned.
posted by Kabanos at 11:08 AM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
Since we're on the topic of ears, can we talk about ear buds/earphones? I don't think I have horrifically waxy ears or anything: I gently swipe with a pinky in the shower, and around the outsides and walls of the opening of my ear with a q-tip, and occasionally manage to unearth small chunks of dried wax. And I mean small, none of these horrific plugs I see other people talk about. AND YET. Any set of earbuds I use gets super gross within a couple of weeks, and I have no idea how to keep them reasonably clean and free of ear gunk. Is there some secret to earbud maintenance I don't know about? Do everyone's get like this and we just don't talk about it?
I know, switch to headphones, but the problem with headphones is I can't shove them in a jacket or purse pocket easily.
posted by yasaman at 11:08 AM on January 21, 2016
I know, switch to headphones, but the problem with headphones is I can't shove them in a jacket or purse pocket easily.
posted by yasaman at 11:08 AM on January 21, 2016
Metafilter: A bit like watching those youtube zit-popping videos but without as much of a vomit factor.
posted by Kabanos at 11:09 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Kabanos at 11:09 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I mean, don't jam anything into any part of your body, as a general rule.
"NOTHING SMALLER THAN AN ELBOW" is what I heard growing up. Great mom advice, terrible sex advice.
posted by a halcyon day at 11:21 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
"NOTHING SMALLER THAN AN ELBOW" is what I heard growing up. Great mom advice, terrible sex advice.
posted by a halcyon day at 11:21 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
and pretty good backyard wrestling advice.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:29 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:29 AM on January 21, 2016
I'm a Q-Tip coughing, bright-light sneezing, massive earwax producing person. Those kids in middle school were right. I am some kind of a freak.
The recent off-brand swabs that we got have plastic tubes instead of paper and they can cause bad scratching even when used gently. Watch out for those. Ouch.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 11:35 AM on January 21, 2016
The recent off-brand swabs that we got have plastic tubes instead of paper and they can cause bad scratching even when used gently. Watch out for those. Ouch.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 11:35 AM on January 21, 2016
Q-tips are one of the only, if not the only, major consumer products whose main purpose is precisely the one the manufacturer explicitly warns against.
If you were to purchase one of these bricks, on the package would be a note explaining how to dissolve the concentrate in a gallon of water. Then right below it, the note would continue with a warning instructing you not to leave that jug in the cool cupboard for 21 days, or it would turn into wine.posted by ckape at 11:41 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
I have only had an ear clog up enough that I went deaf one time in my life. I tried the ear wax removal kit from the store, but it only made matters worse, & I ended up with water under pressure behind the plug, and a pretty horrid pain in my head. Went to the doctor who properly dislodged the thing, but he refused to show it to me. Still pissed about that -- I REALLY wanted to see it.
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:04 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:04 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
This is seriously true. Google it at your own risk. A few years ago I ran across an article online about a sculptor (I think he was German) who worked in ear wax (cerumen ) as a medium. I actually started a Metafilter FPP about it, then thought better of it.
posted by spitbull at 12:18 PM on January 21, 2016
posted by spitbull at 12:18 PM on January 21, 2016
"Do not insert swab into ear canal." = "For tobacco use only."
posted by mhum at 12:22 PM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by mhum at 12:22 PM on January 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
"Novelty item."
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:24 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:24 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
yasaman, while I don't use earbuds because I have weirdly shaped ear canals and they cause me pain.. something I discovered recently: baby wipes are the bees knees for this kind of thing.
For $2 (at least around me) you get a big ol block of pre-moistened towelettes that's good for quickly cleaning earbuds, or ear picks, or an adult-sized butt. Probably other things too. I've even used them as cheap alternatives to countertop wipes.
No child required.
posted by INFJ at 12:35 PM on January 21, 2016
For $2 (at least around me) you get a big ol block of pre-moistened towelettes that's good for quickly cleaning earbuds, or ear picks, or an adult-sized butt. Probably other things too. I've even used them as cheap alternatives to countertop wipes.
No child required.
posted by INFJ at 12:35 PM on January 21, 2016
Thanks INFJ, I will have to try that! I tried the wipes I use to clean my phone/laptop screen, and had limited success. I've also used straightened paper clips to clean out gunk stuck along the rims of the earbud, but that's annoyingly fiddly.
posted by yasaman at 1:01 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by yasaman at 1:01 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
yasaman, it is worth the spend for these. So comfortable. Such nice sound. No earwax.
posted by bearwife at 1:02 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by bearwife at 1:02 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
This is a horrible thread to read during breakfast lunch.
posted by bendy at 1:17 PM on January 21, 2016
posted by bendy at 1:17 PM on January 21, 2016
> I mean, don't jam anything into any part of your body, as a general rule.
There's your problem. I just figured out why you starved to death.
posted by Sunburnt at 2:25 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
There's your problem. I just figured out why you starved to death.
posted by Sunburnt at 2:25 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
My earbuds never have anything on them except occasionally sweat but in the reading of this thread it occurs to me that I am probably an earwaxless freak.
posted by poffin boffin at 2:50 PM on January 21, 2016
posted by poffin boffin at 2:50 PM on January 21, 2016
Q: What's the difference between jelly and jam?
A: I can't jelly a Q-tip in my ear, or any other orifice.
posted by a halcyon day at 2:55 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
A: I can't jelly a Q-tip in my ear, or any other orifice.
posted by a halcyon day at 2:55 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
For $2 (at least around me) you get a big ol block of pre-moistened towelettes that's good for quickly cleaning earbuds, or ear picks, or an adult-sized butt.
But for the love of god don't flush them down the toilet.
posted by Justinian at 5:48 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
But for the love of god don't flush them down the toilet.
posted by Justinian at 5:48 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I only do it for the itching. I have allergies and despite taking allegra every day, my ears still itch CONSTANTLY. So, you'll take away my Q-Tips over my cold, itchy body.
Stripping the cerumen from your ear canal actually causes itching. I had a damn near debilitating problem with itchy ear canals, no doubt caused by Q-tip use (and then using more Q-tips to scratch the itch, in a deadly cycle). I had to quit using Q-tips and just put up with the itch for about three months, until my ear canals got back on their natural routine.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:08 PM on January 21, 2016
Stripping the cerumen from your ear canal actually causes itching. I had a damn near debilitating problem with itchy ear canals, no doubt caused by Q-tip use (and then using more Q-tips to scratch the itch, in a deadly cycle). I had to quit using Q-tips and just put up with the itch for about three months, until my ear canals got back on their natural routine.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:08 PM on January 21, 2016
At my physical a few days ago my doctor looked inside my ears and was all "Oh. Oh. Whoa." He called a nurse in, who said the same thing and then proceeded to mess around in there with a little pokey thing and squirts of peroxide solution until about three tons of earwax came out. It felt like I was getting a cavity drilled.
I've never used Q-tips or anything, though, and have no idea how the buildup got like that. Too much time spent wearing earbuds, maybe?
posted by danb at 7:33 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I've never used Q-tips or anything, though, and have no idea how the buildup got like that. Too much time spent wearing earbuds, maybe?
posted by danb at 7:33 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I don't get big earwax problems anymore, but I remember each occasion vividly. I will admit to using Qtips improperly every couple of weeks. It feels good and sometimes weird stuff comes out, which is satisfying in its own way.
Q-tips are one of the only, if not the only, major consumer products whose main purpose is precisely the one the manufacturer explicitly warns against.
It's legal here now, and I don't use it anyway, but for a while some of the medical marijuana places were just a little too fervent that it was for pain relief only, not for getting stoned and happy with your friends, no siree.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:47 PM on January 21, 2016
Q-tips are one of the only, if not the only, major consumer products whose main purpose is precisely the one the manufacturer explicitly warns against.
It's legal here now, and I don't use it anyway, but for a while some of the medical marijuana places were just a little too fervent that it was for pain relief only, not for getting stoned and happy with your friends, no siree.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:47 PM on January 21, 2016
I mean, don't jam anything into any part of your body, as a general rule.
Kinkshamed all my life.
posted by Jilder at 10:22 PM on January 21, 2016
Kinkshamed all my life.
posted by Jilder at 10:22 PM on January 21, 2016
« Older The McKnelly Megalith | beard science Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
He makes it sound so unseemly.
posted by phunniemee at 7:50 AM on January 21, 2016 [26 favorites]