Cat burglars
December 16, 2016 10:14 PM   Subscribe

 
Dogs will also snag your money.
posted by HuronBob at 10:47 PM on December 16, 2016


Huskies, man. They'll take it and yap about it the whole time, amirite?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:53 PM on December 16, 2016 [3 favorites]


Cats also seem to have stolen the dancing baby starfish music. Did they think I only watch cat videos?
posted by lefty lucky cat at 10:57 PM on December 16, 2016


I'm rethinking leaving my bag out. It might have to go in a drawer with the feather wands I'm bored of playing with.
posted by kitten magic at 12:17 AM on December 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


But it's Roombas that will steal your cat toys.
posted by aubilenon at 12:33 AM on December 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


Cats are the best.
posted by Going To Maine at 1:04 AM on December 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


I've never had one steal from me, but I did have a grey tabby girl who would look expectantly at wallets and/or purses whenever the jingle of the ice cream truck went by.
posted by radwolf76 at 1:11 AM on December 17, 2016 [5 favorites]


If you've got an ultra-sensitive nose and nobody told you about germ theory then I bet you'd be putting money in your mouth all the time too.
posted by Rhomboid at 3:56 AM on December 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


Imagine, if you will

*swell of ominous music*

Being a struggling knitwear designer trapped in an apartment with two *stab of shrieking violins* YARN THIEVES. They are small. They are gray. They are composed mostly of tiny tins of exotic meat pastes purchased for them from a specialty store. That, and pure unadulterated maliciousness. No yarn is safe. Zippers, buttons, latches, high shelves -- there is no bag so secure or inconveniently located that they cannot extract yarn from it. And they move with the swiftness and determination of apex predators who've yet to figure out that they only weigh about ten pounds each. Every morning brings a fresh hell of tangled yarn, pulled from its work-bag and festooned across the apartment's interior like the innards of a gutted antelope. That the yarn was spun and dyed in far-away Scotland and shipped to the apartment at great expense sways them not. The yarn thieves are relentless. Yarn that has been carefully, painstakingly gathered and coiled is pulled from its resting place and draped across bookshelves, tangled in great complex knots in the kitchen, tied around chair legs. The yarn thieves do their horrible work by dark of night, ignoring an entire basket-full of expensive catnip-scented baubles bought solely for their amusement. They are relentless. They are ruthless. They are the Terminators of knitting supplies.

This is the hell into which my lovely wife awakens each morning. May God have mercy on us all.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:34 AM on December 17, 2016 [65 favorites]


My Bananacat (RIP) used to rip money out of my wallet in the middle of the night and bring it upstairs and deposit it on the bedroom floor while we were sleeping. And I barely ever had cash - so he must have checked it all the time and found nothing to take. The image of him rooting around in there and being like "oh well" when I didn't have any money is almost too much to handle.
posted by something something at 5:49 AM on December 17, 2016 [29 favorites]


Cats steal money because they've figured out that we care about it.
posted by Sphinx at 5:52 AM on December 17, 2016 [10 favorites]


I once had a friend drop by. This friend has limited funds and Rather a Lot of Cats, so I offered some of my cat's excess of toys (my mom was very generous for Xmas and his birthday). While we chatted, he got into her bag, into the folded paper bag with the excess toys, stole one and stashed it under an end table. He then showed no interest in it for the rest of his life.

He was totally unmoved by the plight of underserved kitties in another city. Cats are not philanthropists.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:47 AM on December 17, 2016 [7 favorites]


Also, if you really want to see cats stealing money, just watch the fat cat financiers go to work, eh, eh?
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:47 AM on December 17, 2016


That cat EARNED the money by entertaining you. It's his money, brother.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:53 AM on December 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


That cat EARNED the money by entertaining you. It's his money, brother.

Do not muzzle the feline who drageth out the cash, as the Good Book says.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:18 AM on December 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


We used to keep a small bowl filled with quarters on our bedroom dresser, ready for the coin-op laundry in our building. One morning, as I was scooping the cat's litterbox, I found $1.75 in quarters. I really hoped she hadn't eaten them before making her deposit.
posted by angiep at 8:06 AM on December 17, 2016 [10 favorites]


Birds will destroy everything in your house, methodically, when you're not looking, poop all over the remains, then sing to you cheerily and ask you to step them up.
posted by tobascodagama at 8:07 AM on December 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Do cats have to pay taxes on unearned income?

Related: can I claim them as dependents?
posted by AFABulous at 8:33 AM on December 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


So what is it about money, cats? Does it just smell awesome because it's been so many places? Do you like the way it feels?
posted by gusandrews at 8:35 AM on December 17, 2016


Man, all this time, I've been blaming the teenagers. Now I know why my cats seem to have an inexhaustible supply of buzzy mice.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 8:50 AM on December 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


My cat stole a little zipped pouch full of my credit cards one time. I guess he prefers plastic over cold hard cash.
posted by ainsley at 9:44 AM on December 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


That bing sticker, though?
posted by glonous keming at 10:15 AM on December 17, 2016


After the most recent veterinary bill, I think I need to show my cats this video so that they can start earning their own keep around here...
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 1:20 PM on December 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


It's the look on the face of the cat that's whacking at change from behind the monitor that gets me. "What? I wasn't doing anything!"
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:40 PM on December 17, 2016


It's the look on the face of the cat that's whacking at change from behind the monitor that gets me. "What? I wasn't doing anything!"

touch tha monies.

Nope. No touchy monies.

But... But....
posted by radwolf76 at 1:57 PM on December 17, 2016 [5 favorites]


I had a Very Bad Cat who would often empty out my entire messenger bag all over the floor of the apartment. I should have known she was looking for cash all along.

When I moved and found her Smaug-level under-sofa hoard it only contained four laundry quarters, though. Must have been spending the rest on hookers and cheap catnip.
posted by MsMolly at 7:40 PM on December 17, 2016 [8 favorites]


This clearly calls for cat handcuffs.
posted by davelog at 1:52 PM on December 18, 2016 [1 favorite]


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