A Frozen Fracas
December 24, 2016 5:16 PM   Subscribe

11,000 Penguins. 4,000 Santa Clauses (with candy cane cudgels). Epic Battle Simulator seeks to answer the question: who would win?
posted by codacorolla (33 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Possibly a back door pentagon project to gather info on battle strategies. I do like the north versus south theme in this simulation.
posted by njohnson23 at 5:26 PM on December 24, 2016 [1 favorite]


Santas Claus?
Santa Clai?
posted by howfar at 5:26 PM on December 24, 2016 [3 favorites]


When I was in grad school, my research group did a lot of work in crowd simulation, which makes it all the more funny for me to watch all those Santas stuck behind the rock at 1:22-1:28. Just walk around the rock, Santas! You can do it!
posted by a car full of lions at 5:29 PM on December 24, 2016 [5 favorites]


That's just GPU porn.

(in my day you'd just have two rectangles with really big numbers in them, them there were your armies)
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:30 PM on December 24, 2016 [11 favorites]


I guess those penguins falling off the other rock to their doom aren't that much smarter either.
posted by a car full of lions at 5:33 PM on December 24, 2016 [1 favorite]


Take that, you jolly old elf you!
posted by vrakatar at 6:00 PM on December 24, 2016


I just want to take a moment say on behalf of those brave penguins who fell in the service of a bloodthirsty liberal plot to ban a sacred Christian tradition: "Thank you and Happy Holidays!" Your sacrifice was not in vain.
posted by bunbury at 6:00 PM on December 24, 2016 [1 favorite]


Was rather disappointed by the pathing failure of the suicide penguins. Also, having a flashback to the Saint's Row the Fourth Christmas DLC.
posted by Samizdata at 6:04 PM on December 24, 2016


Of all the unrealistic elements, two that really struck me were the invisible psychic attacks of the penguins, and the fact that that many Santas could run to the top of a hill and not run out of breath.
posted by idiopath at 6:15 PM on December 24, 2016 [1 favorite]


Weirdly soothing.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:24 PM on December 24, 2016 [2 favorites]


Does it have the option to run a scenario where one
middle-aged nerd fights a team of 5 year olds to the death? Asking for a friend.
posted by blue_beetle at 6:28 PM on December 24, 2016 [5 favorites]


That's what Christmas is really about, Charlie Brown.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 6:40 PM on December 24, 2016 [5 favorites]


Was rather disappointed by the pathing failure of the suicide penguins.

It wasn't suicide, it was death from above. They were jumping on top of Santas in order to kill them, those valiant little penguins.
posted by Literaryhero at 6:55 PM on December 24, 2016 [3 favorites]


From the early history of the internet, WWWF Grudge Match presents: A Rottweiler vs. A Rottweiler's Weight in Chihuahuas.
posted by JHarris at 8:01 PM on December 24, 2016


Upon watching, I have certain issues with the penguin strategy.
posted by JHarris at 8:17 PM on December 24, 2016 [1 favorite]


As God is my witness, I thought penguins could fly.
posted by JohnFromGR at 8:17 PM on December 24, 2016 [14 favorites]


Santa can fly, with his reindeers of course.
posted by njohnson23 at 8:53 PM on December 24, 2016 [1 favorite]


who would win?

We all win.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 10:03 PM on December 24, 2016 [4 favorites]


The penguin commute in the BBC documentary Planet Earth II is exactly this brutal. They do fly and go splat off cliffs. It's normal penguin behavior.

It's on land so we can presume the Santas are the invaders. I always told my dad there had to be more than one. So I'm glad the penguins won. I want to party with them.
posted by adept256 at 10:35 PM on December 24, 2016


Heh. From the Rottweiler vs Chihuahua page: (NOTE: Video very large, approximately 1 meg.)
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:56 PM on December 24, 2016 [1 favorite]


This immediately reminded me of the Calvin and Hobbes strip where they're playing "Tyrannosaurs in F-16s" or something like that, and Hobbes says "this is so stupid", and Calvin says "this is so cool".

I'm with Calvin, I think.
posted by equalpants at 11:26 PM on December 24, 2016 [3 favorites]


who would win?

We all win.


The Yule Cat and her kittens shall feast well tonight!
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:33 AM on December 25, 2016 [2 favorites]


Now I want to see Northpolelander, where 4000 Santas duel for supremecy. "There Can Be HoHoHonly One!"
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:35 AM on December 25, 2016 [1 favorite]


Not to Monday morning QB here, but I feel like the Santas really got off on the wrong foot here, throwing themselves into a situation where they were guaranteed to get surrounded when slightly more restraint would have given them a Thermopylae-like ability to render the Penguin's strength in numbers comparatively null, especially considering that the Penguin's supposed high-ground edge only led to their less-then-fruitful Lemming Strategy. Santa's Last Stand really showed what the larger field of battle had a hard time showing, which is that the Penguin's can take more hits than expected, and that's really what won them the day, in the end, I think. Still, Santa should have been allowed a couple of sleds for aerial or at least siege attacks. I mean, come on.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:38 AM on December 25, 2016 [5 favorites]


Now I want to see Northpolelander, where 4000 Santas duel for supremecy. "There Can Be HoHoHonly One!"

3 days, 3 acres, 3000 Santas.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:39 AM on December 25, 2016 [3 favorites]


Or, as I like to call it, "The Northshore Mall".
posted by jenkinsEar at 3:42 AM on December 25, 2016 [3 favorites]


THIS. IS. SANTA.

Cos that was basically the Battle of Thermopylae, but with Penguins and Santas instead of Persians and Spartans.

It'd have been even more of a slam dunk for the penguins if the dodgy pathing routines hadn't caused them to hurl themselves off cliffs in their thousands.
posted by Happy Dave at 4:03 AM on December 25, 2016 [4 favorites]


THIS. IS. SANTA.

...I never thought I'd type these words, but this could have stood a bit more Gerard Butler.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:04 AM on December 25, 2016


I'm not hugely into battle simulators, but I think what this sort of thing needs is some way better AI. Things like soldiers won't willingly kill themselves, have eyes, and I think the most interesting thing would be to assign variable intelligences to the soldiers.

Some will just wade into a bloodbath, but one in x will have some smarts and recognize opportunities. Even just a small set of terrain/opportunity "lightbulbs" which could go off. Like "hey, we could wait in this hole!"

What to penguins do when covered by a santa jacket? Snowballs thrown from santas in the back won't kill anyone but might slow down the advancing wave. Etc.

This has been your xmas battle beanplating for the day.
posted by maxwelton at 4:07 PM on December 25, 2016 [1 favorite]


OK - a good AI that's like years of work right? But I mean even just having some attack that the penguins do, like some visible action they do when they come face to face with the enemy, that would be like what a week of work for the art department?
posted by idiopath at 7:20 PM on December 25, 2016 [1 favorite]


Santas Claus?
Santa Clai?


Father Christmii (quoted after Carl Giles)
posted by Namlit at 11:46 PM on December 25, 2016


The Yule Cat and her kittens shall feast well tonight!

She's just Perchta's lap cat really.
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:01 AM on December 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


If you look close you can see that the penguins are pecking the santas!
posted by Drexen at 7:14 AM on December 26, 2016


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