Seeing Stars
March 6, 2017 3:59 AM Subscribe
Grieving is knowing something to be true without fully accepting it. My phone proved a necessary distraction. I played endless rounds of solitaire, placing a jack on a queen, moving a six here, putting an ace up, unfurling new cards. Shockingly soon, a trophy popped up on my screen. I’d played 1,000 games.
Thank you.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 8:10 AM on March 6, 2017
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 8:10 AM on March 6, 2017
Thank you for posting this. The author's hard-won knowledge is beautiful and comforting, whether or not one is grieving. I'm glad it has been shared.
posted by Silverstone at 9:27 AM on March 6, 2017
posted by Silverstone at 9:27 AM on March 6, 2017
I didn’t want the pain to go away because it would take me further from Mark
This. Oh so much this. I have felt this exact way when dealing with the death of my former husband. This article expresses so eloquently what I cannot. Thank you so much for posting this.
posted by annieb at 1:31 PM on March 6, 2017 [8 favorites]
This. Oh so much this. I have felt this exact way when dealing with the death of my former husband. This article expresses so eloquently what I cannot. Thank you so much for posting this.
posted by annieb at 1:31 PM on March 6, 2017 [8 favorites]
It has been about 18 months since my best friend died. At first the photos I have all over my walls were a comfort. There she was, with her kids, there she was getting married, there she was there she was there she was.
Now, I eat my dinner and look up at the frankly unflattering photo of her in all her loveliness and kindness and it hurts all over again. I walk to the bus and I wish she was here. I wish I hadn't lost so much when she left. I don't talk to her husband anymore, and I don't get to see her kids because of that. There is still some contact on facebook but I lost so much. And I have been feeling this sense of impatience with myself. Nobody else does this.
But it is grief. It is knowing but not accepting.
posted by geek anachronism at 6:06 PM on March 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
Now, I eat my dinner and look up at the frankly unflattering photo of her in all her loveliness and kindness and it hurts all over again. I walk to the bus and I wish she was here. I wish I hadn't lost so much when she left. I don't talk to her husband anymore, and I don't get to see her kids because of that. There is still some contact on facebook but I lost so much. And I have been feeling this sense of impatience with myself. Nobody else does this.
But it is grief. It is knowing but not accepting.
posted by geek anachronism at 6:06 PM on March 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
I've saved this to read later (my late dad's birthday was a few days ago). Reminds me of a poem I read recently, by Donald Hall:
You think that their
dying is the worst
thing that could happen.
Then they stay dead.
posted by she's not there at 8:40 PM on March 6, 2017 [7 favorites]
You think that their
dying is the worst
thing that could happen.
Then they stay dead.
posted by she's not there at 8:40 PM on March 6, 2017 [7 favorites]
Today should be my brother's 21st. He killed himself last year too.
posted by Braeburn at 7:52 AM on March 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Braeburn at 7:52 AM on March 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
Loss of a loved one is almost always incalculable, I think. It's like your driving along and encounter something unpleasant, something terrifying, something devastating, even. As you drive away, that something shrinks, diminishes in the rear-view mirror. eventually disappears. With the loved one, every time you check the mirror, you see that bastard smiling at you from the back seat.
posted by Chitownfats at 9:29 AM on March 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Chitownfats at 9:29 AM on March 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
Gosh, this hit in so many places. I lost my second pregnancy a few weeks ago, and I'm still stuck in grief. What a beautiful piece.
posted by daybeforetheday at 10:18 AM on March 7, 2017
posted by daybeforetheday at 10:18 AM on March 7, 2017
*hugs* to everyone in this thread.
posted by ellieBOA at 11:38 AM on March 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by ellieBOA at 11:38 AM on March 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
Great article.
I'm a little over 2.5 years into widowhood. I lost my husband to suicide as well after a long illness. He said he was giving me my life back and to make it a good one. I've done my best to live my life the way I see fit, something I was never able to do when he was alive. This may sound odd, but the happier I get being who I want to be and the more in love I fall with my boyfriend, the more my late husband's lingering presence annoys me. I'm doing what he wanted me to do, and it would be much easier if I didn't feel him around.
posted by luckynerd at 8:03 AM on March 10, 2017
I'm a little over 2.5 years into widowhood. I lost my husband to suicide as well after a long illness. He said he was giving me my life back and to make it a good one. I've done my best to live my life the way I see fit, something I was never able to do when he was alive. This may sound odd, but the happier I get being who I want to be and the more in love I fall with my boyfriend, the more my late husband's lingering presence annoys me. I'm doing what he wanted me to do, and it would be much easier if I didn't feel him around.
posted by luckynerd at 8:03 AM on March 10, 2017
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posted by dorothyisunderwood at 6:43 AM on March 6, 2017