From the moment you enter you will know an ARTIST lives here.
July 17, 2017 10:49 AM   Subscribe

 
I was ok till i saw the maniquin stuck to the ceiling
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 10:54 AM on July 17 [20 favorites]


I really enjoy the note that the pool is a little messy due to the crepe myrtle. It just adds that perfect touch.
posted by florencetnoa at 10:54 AM on July 17 [2 favorites]


Not enough pillows on the bed in the master bedroom, to be honest.
posted by Brockles at 10:57 AM on July 17 [3 favorites]


Sadly, one of the slide captions informs us that the art is going to leave with the artist.

Wonder what they'll do with the crap, though...
posted by jenkinsEar at 11:01 AM on July 17 [17 favorites]


I particularly liked the slightly pleading tone of the room descriptions - "here is a picture of what may be a room, if you can see it past all this shite, PLEASE DEAR GOD LOOK AT THE DETAIL OF THE MOULDINGS OR SOMETHING".
posted by Brockles at 11:01 AM on July 17 [18 favorites]


this week on HOARDERS
posted by murphy slaw at 11:02 AM on July 17 [5 favorites]


Well, bless their hearts.
posted by Mouse Army at 11:03 AM on July 17 [4 favorites]


Tasteful hoarding.

Things that strike me:

a) what a pain to dust
b) stacked fake suitcases is the decorating thing I hate
c) $21K property tax seems like a lot for that price of house, although it is pretty big
d) $172 per sq ft? HA HA IT IS TO LAUGH - Try $1284 per sq ft.
posted by GuyZero at 11:04 AM on July 17 [8 favorites]


"This home sits up high on an engineered slab that cost the homeowner $300,000 17 years ago. This slab isn't going anywhere."

Heh.
posted by valkane at 11:07 AM on July 17 [4 favorites]


Someone save Kermit (picture 15)! He's being held against his will!
posted by Burn.Don't.Freeze at 11:09 AM on July 17


d) $172 per sq ft? HA HA IT IS TO LAUGH - Try $1284 per sq ft.

I probably shouldn't tell you that our house was $75 a square foot.

That doesn't include the 2000 square foot garage
posted by octothorpe at 11:14 AM on July 17 [1 favorite]


That doesn't include the 2000 square foot garage

wut?

Either that's an unholy huge garage or you live in the country and have an outbuilding you refer to as "the garage". Or something.
posted by GuyZero at 11:17 AM on July 17 [2 favorites]


Maybe I'm supposed to laugh at this place? I think it looks homey. A bit overcluttered, but the style isn't too different from what I saw in 90s artsy Baltimore, or some of my friends older places in Williamsburgh and Bushwick.
posted by overhauser at 11:17 AM on July 17 [9 favorites]


In fairness that's a meaningless number for $ per sq ft - the house is trash and you're paying $1.5M for a teardown.
posted by GuyZero at 11:18 AM on July 17 [4 favorites]


It's a McMansion filled with mannequins, which if you grew up an angsty teenager stuck there like me, describes large swaths of suburban North America.
posted by notorious medium at 11:23 AM on July 17 [51 favorites]


Either that's an unholy huge garage or you live in the country and have an outbuilding you refer to as "the garage". Or something.

No, I live in a victorian rowhouse right in the middle of the city, but an owner of the house in the early 1900s ran a bus company and replaced the carriage house with a giant 18' high, 35'x65' garage.
posted by octothorpe at 11:27 AM on July 17 [28 favorites]


Weird Real Estate is my new favorite metafilter subgenre
posted by theodolite at 11:30 AM on July 17 [50 favorites]


No, I live in a victorian rowhouse right in the middle of the city, but an owner of the house in the early 1900s ran a bus company and replaced the carriage house with a giant 18' high, 35'x65' garage.

This is either amazing or you're having me on. I honestly don't know.
posted by GuyZero at 11:31 AM on July 17 [14 favorites]


I live with an artist; our 1100 sq ft double wide looks just like this place only with much prettier and colorful paint.
Judging by the comments here, y'all would hate it.
I love the woman, so after twenty years together I love our house too.
I have a small bedroom full of computer gear and a workbench that we call the "lab".
My walls are covered - COVERED - with art also because otherwise they would have blank places and nature and my love abhor a blank place.
We too have a "garage". 24' by 24'.
We park our cars in the driveway because they're just cars.
I'm going out to the (magnificent) garden to find her so she can see this.
Can anybody float me $1.2 ?
posted by Alter Cocker at 11:38 AM on July 17 [13 favorites]


P.S. - I see it's in Texas.
Never mind.
posted by Alter Cocker at 11:39 AM on July 17 [20 favorites]


As someone (and a sometime artist) who just finished moving to a new home, just looking at all that...stuff...that would need to be boxed and moved and unboxed and found a place for makes me want to curl-up in a tight fetal ball on the floor and whimper like a kicked puppy.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:41 AM on July 17 [16 favorites]


I enjoy the MeFi Rorschach tests that are these real estate posts.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 11:44 AM on July 17 [17 favorites]


Paging Marie Kondo to the white courtesy phone.
posted by dywypi at 11:45 AM on July 17 [30 favorites]


This house has everything!

Literally.
posted by tommasz at 11:45 AM on July 17 [21 favorites]


::twitch::
posted by suelac at 11:46 AM on July 17 [2 favorites]


OMG that is the most stressful thing I have ever seen, how could you even SLEEP with all that clutter staring at you? (And that's before we even get to the ACTUAL MANNEKINS staring at you!)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:48 AM on July 17 [29 favorites]


Paging Marie Kondo to the white courtesy phone.

But what if all that stuff does bring the owner joy?
posted by GuyZero at 11:49 AM on July 17 [20 favorites]


Has this person ever seen anything - anything - for sale and not bought it? I'm just flabbergasted.

Maybe a nearby shop owner clicked on an article that said "WANT TO LEARN 2 SELL ANYTHING? TRY THIS ONE WEIRD OLD TRICK" and turns out for once it worked, and this homeowner is suffering under a terrible curse.
posted by komara at 11:50 AM on July 17 [6 favorites]


[Goes home to list things on Ebay.]

Honestly, the main thing that occurs to me is that all the woodwork is orange. If there's one thing I really can't stand in a house, it's a wood finish which has either orange or pea green undertones. I once lived in a lovely apartment which was perfect in every respect - enormous main room, spacious kitchen, giant wood cabinets in the giant main bedroom - except that all the woodwork was slightly orange. Now I live in a Victorian house with plaster that is quite literally a crumbling mess, but at least the woodwork is wood-colored.
posted by Frowner at 11:51 AM on July 17 [4 favorites]


...but when I do it it's "hoarding."
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:53 AM on July 17 [9 favorites]


I think the stained glass Captain America emblem sums things up quite nicely.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 11:54 AM on July 17


From the moment you enter you will know Hannibal Lecter lives here.

With Paula Deen.

And their five Poo-Tons.

posted by Naberius at 11:56 AM on July 17 [7 favorites]


horror vacui
posted by methinks at 11:57 AM on July 17 [4 favorites]


The DENTAL molding?? argh.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 11:59 AM on July 17 [9 favorites]


Wonder what they'll do with the crap, though...

Open a TGIFridays?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:59 AM on July 17 [15 favorites]


Oh man, the clutter makes me so anxious. I've had hoarders in my life before, and no matter how dust-free and relatively tidy the piles are, it's still so much stress-inducing STUFF.

I do like the six-burner Viking stove and the built-in bookcases though.
posted by lovecrafty at 12:03 PM on July 17 [3 favorites]


That doesn't include the 2000 square foot garage

Do you rent that out or....? Because I will be right over with my tools. Whenever I work in my garage it's like playing Tetris.
posted by soren_lorensen at 12:05 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


I stayed at an AirBnb that was kind of like this, once. The walls had giant words on them like LIVE LAUGH LOVE and BELIEVE. No mannequins (thankfully), but lots of stuff and clutter. I lost my wallet under a pillow that was instructing me to dance as if no one was watching and thought I would be trapped in the place forever under some sort of stepford curse. It was like the owner went into a Marshall's and just bought the entire place out in one fell swoop.

Underneath all the stuff, this house - like the one I stayed in - is fairly pretty. Not much character, but the ceiling mannequins really turn that around.
posted by sockermom at 12:08 PM on July 17 [16 favorites]


$21K property tax seems like a lot for that price of house, although it is pretty big

With an assessed value of $1m, $21k property tax doesn't seem too bad for a metro area. You are looking at $21 per thousand of assessed value.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 12:08 PM on July 17


So making fun of other people's homes is now what Metafilter is about? I'm sure the 65 year old woman who owns the house thinks you are all so kind. She is an artist and jewelry maker. http://www.whateverjewelrybysandralucille.com/artist-bio/
posted by Ideefixe at 12:09 PM on July 17 [8 favorites]


GUYS omg turn the sound on
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 12:10 PM on July 17 [25 favorites]


I have a hope that the sellers are upgrading to a place with more wall space.
posted by Revvy at 12:10 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


It's like one of those hidden picture games where you have to find a snorkel and a suitcase and so on, and I really thought it'd be tons of fun until I saw the water stain on the ceiling in the kitchen, so I'm not buying it now.
posted by hypersloth at 12:11 PM on July 17 [12 favorites]


From the moment you enter you will know Hannibal Lecter lives here.

I'm imagining a mashup of Hannibal and Pee-wee Herman. Somewhere in that house is an unspeakably horrific breakfast machine.
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:12 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


I own a delightful book called Horror in Architecture, and upon consultation, this is a textbook example of the 'Trojan Horse' typology: "a dissociation or rift occurs between the contents of a building and its expression...expresses the fundamental principle of Freud's unheimlich, the conflation of that which is intimate and that which is foreign in the same entity...it conceals ill intent beneath a mask of normalcy."
posted by theodolite at 12:12 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


[Hey, Ideefixe, if you don't like the post, you can hit up the contact form rather than flooding the mod interface by flagging every single comment.]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:14 PM on July 17 [18 favorites]


Awful lot of snark here.
It seems like some folks think that the place is ugly or tasteless, but some seem to think it's sick and immoral, as if Dwell magazine is a vision of purity and enlightenment.
It aint.
All of our stuff comes with stories and provenance known and personal. My partner has traded, bought, and been gifted paintings, photos, sculpture,and objet's for decades.
I have seen and been in empty "zen" spaces, most of which are just empty.
Not for me thanks, but that doesn't make the owner a failed human.
We have some things which are valued at more than our house and wouldn't part with them because love.
And one that we will - any advice on how to side step the galleries? (international rep artist, good friend, deceased)
posted by Alter Cocker at 12:14 PM on July 17 [19 favorites]


That house is many things but it ain't in the Houston metro area. It's out past the Grand Parkway, way out in the exurbs or countryside.

But on the whole, it seems like property tax is quite high here given Texas' avowed anti-tax feelings so that amount of tax wouldn't be a shocking surprise to any buyer from the area.
posted by librarylis at 12:15 PM on July 17


From the listing description: On the creek, but not in floodplain.

Is that a reference to water? Because I see another flood. A flood of mannequins.

*shudder*
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:15 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


I was unsure if the riding lawn mower and figure astride it was art or someone mowing the lawn, until I saw them in the second picture in what appears to be the exact same spot.
posted by achrise at 12:16 PM on July 17


And on reflection, we also have goodwill and garage sale things, often mass produced, but as my partner explained to me "that is our art" and even the (lovely) snap crackle and pop figures were designed by somebody.
posted by Alter Cocker at 12:18 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


Well, there's clutter, and different tastes in art and decorating, and then there's mannequins.
posted by soren_lorensen at 12:19 PM on July 17 [13 favorites]


Taste and all, but it looks like a McMansion that a Goodwill threw up all over to me.
posted by ryanshepard at 12:19 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


One thing I've got to say - a good old-fashioned metafilter spat about whether it's immoral to make fun of someone's real estate listing feels fan-fucking-tastic now that most of my metafilter time is taken up with Trump.

If we're going to debate whether this type of post is legit, anyone want to go back and find that "cat images and plush cats appliqued to every single surface" house from a few weeks ago?
posted by Frowner at 12:19 PM on July 17 [40 favorites]


OK, yeah, this is not a great marketing strategy, and it's overdone and not my tastes, but danged if I don't prefer a little horror vacui to dull, commercial minimalism.

This person seems to have had a lot of fun putting that together. It's not haphazard or sloppy. The aesthetic is consistent. Good for that person.
posted by ernielundquist at 12:19 PM on July 17 [7 favorites]


I can't get over how cluttered that place is, given that it is more than 10 times larger than my own apartment. Like I would assume if you had 7100 sq ft of space that you could find someplace other than the kitchen to put your exercise machines.
posted by deanc at 12:23 PM on July 17 [7 favorites]


I remember playing this level in Uncharted 4.
posted by saladin at 12:24 PM on July 17 [7 favorites]


"We all float down here..."

I'm of the opinion that property taxes should never exceed the mortgage payments on an average 30-yr mortgage. $21k is insane. The average house price where I live is $570k, and average property taxes are about $3200. You guys have weird ways of raising tax capital.
posted by blue_beetle at 12:26 PM on July 17


MetaFilter: This is either amazing or you're having me on. I honestly don't know.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:26 PM on July 17 [12 favorites]


There will be one hell of a yard sale when this sells, unless the owner is moving to an equally large pad.
posted by beagle at 12:27 PM on July 17


Maybe I should just pass this post by and go straight to the children of hoarders support group.
posted by RolandOfEld at 12:31 PM on July 17 [6 favorites]


Metfilter: So making fun of other people's homes is now what Metafilter is about.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:32 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


Take out the mannequins and it's pretty close to some places I've lived in before. Which I didn't realize at the time. It seemed normal to not have open wall space, as open space meant it wasn't decorated. After moving out and then coming back to visit would I realize that it just looked so full. But to each their own. The house is full of 90s McMansion meh which is worse than most of the stuff that's in it. At least the stuff conveys a personality.
posted by msbutah at 12:32 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


I first thought it was a dolhouse.
posted by Melismata at 12:34 PM on July 17


"This is a view of the creek front. The cattle across the creek are a bonus. The rancher tends them, but you get to watch them." = I'm sold! Like having a dog I never have to walk or a cat I never have to scoop after!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:39 PM on July 17 [3 favorites]


I'm sure the 65 year old woman who owns the house thinks you are all so kind. She is an artist and jewelry maker

Art is supposed to create a reaction, isn't it? It doesn't have to be a universally positive one, and I'll bet you'll not be able to find an artist that has never heard negative comments before. Don't be over-sensitive by proxy.

Also: In terms of selling the house, this is such an ill advised method - you decimate your potential purchasing public by showing it so filled with clutter to people that a: Can see past all the junk/art (delete as each person sees it) to what the actual room dimensions and shape are or b: actually have the same tastes as you. There is a reason that staging companies make a living - by tailoring a house to the vast majority that can't see it for what it *could* be.
posted by Brockles at 12:43 PM on July 17 [27 favorites]


you decimate your potential purchasing public by showing it so filled with clutter

I though there were some actual people in the photos but checking again, nope, just fully dressed mannequins among the more abstract mannequins. You shouldn't have people in real estate listing photos for a bunch of reasons.

In the end, people can do whatever floats their boat, but that many mannequins gives off a whole House of Wax vibe. Sorry to whomever clearly loves mannequins.
posted by GuyZero at 12:52 PM on July 17 [3 favorites]


From the way the house is decorated, I'd guess the owner can take people chuckling about the somewhat unconventional style of their home without being traumatized. At least that's been my impression from people I've known who've lived in similar houses. They are not sensitive.

(maybe because they bump their shins into random stuff all the time?)
posted by The Toad at 1:00 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


Yeah ok no
posted by Hermione Granger at 1:02 PM on July 17 [3 favorites]


Either that's an unholy huge garage or you live in the country and have an outbuilding you refer to as "the garage".

I know someone in DC with a garage that is only used to store cars and is somewhere around 3000 square feet, about the same size or larger than their actual dwelling. Some people that can afford million dollar houses feel it's important to be able to keep their 10 cars near them at all times.

(Other times it's a tax/zoning dodge and it's effectively a guest house that's legally treated as a garage because it lacks a full kitchen or whathaveyou).
posted by Candleman at 1:02 PM on July 17


Does the seller also have a cabin in the woods...?
posted by SPrintF at 1:04 PM on July 17


I stayed at an AirBnb that was kind of like this, once. The walls had giant words on them like LIVE LAUGH LOVE and BELIEVE. No mannequins (thankfully), but lots of stuff and clutter. I lost my wallet under a pillow that was instructing me to dance as if no one was watching and thought I would be trapped in the place forever under some sort of stepford curse. It was like the owner went into a Marshall's and just bought the entire place out in one fell swoop.

I had a similar AirBnB stint in a similarly-cluttered-with-art place - only in my case, all of the art was erotic. I showered in a stall decorated with a Yabyum figurine tucked into the niche where hte shampoo was (I posted a picture on facebook and one of my friends drily commented, "um, I think those statues are doing it."), and in the evening I snuck their copy of Alan Moore's Lost Girls to read.

I wouldn't have wanted to live there, but it was one hell of a cool visit.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:08 PM on July 17 [4 favorites]


GUYS omg turn the sound on

The house (and its contents) are not to my own taste, but different strokes and all that. BUT...who on earth are they trying to sell to with that soundtrack??
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:09 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


I think I see a real dog in one of the photos, but I realize I have no way of telling if it is real or another mannequin. This will haunt me.
posted by tofu_crouton at 1:13 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


Oh my lord I have a relatively strong tolerance for clutter so I was prepared to think it wasn't that bad.

I was wrong.

So wrong.

Cleanse it with holy fire.
posted by winna at 1:15 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


Should come with trigger warnings for people with organizational dysdunction and related anxiety disorder. Sorry. That's a tasteless joke. I'm living with clutter/chaos that's pretty panic inducing on the daily but this... This... Dear lord, I'd be in the foetal position sucking my thumb in minutes.
posted by saulgoodman at 1:21 PM on July 17


I am so utterly disappointed that it didn't end with a picture of a mannequin floating in the pool.
posted by Westringia F. at 1:25 PM on July 17 [22 favorites]


Well, now we know where the founder of Bennigan's might have lived.
posted by sonascope at 1:29 PM on July 17 [8 favorites]


I just want to say that in a recent thread wherein we all discussed the horror of a particular house I commented that I don't like to leave things half-done and therefore viewed every single image.

I was not able to do that for this house listing. I just had to stop. I had to.
posted by komara at 1:30 PM on July 17


Looks like one of the houses on Heidelberg Street imploded.
posted by heyho at 1:33 PM on July 17


Imagine hearing a strange sound in the middle of the night
posted by pickinganameismuchharderthanihadanticipated at 1:38 PM on July 17 [12 favorites]


It's like one of those hidden picture games where you have to find a snorkel and a suitcase

and a creepy murder clown and someone's "last known photo" image and the closet that stays dark NO MATTER HOW MUCH LIGHT YOU SHINE INTO IT that keeps whispering for you to step inside just for a second and
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:41 PM on July 17 [4 favorites]


This is one of those houses where adding the phrase "AND THEN THE MURDERS BEGAN" evokes unsettled laughter.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 1:44 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


"Be nice or leave."

Actually, I think I want to party with this lady. She probably has all kinds of interesting random crap in that place, and stories to go with it.

I was ready to jump on the snark train - especially because of the mannequins - but then I remembered that most of my favorite weirdos often had an alarming number of mannequins about, like a baroque, gothic scene out of Sebastian's apartment flat in Bladerunner.

Really, the only thing out of place about all of this to me is the foofy McMansion house. She'd probably be more at home in some smaller and more dilapidated ranch rambler with a couple of outbuildings for studios. Or maybe a New Mexico style earth ship with a few Quonset huts.

Also, no comment on the realtor's name? I'm pretty sure she's a super villain, and it looks like she's evicting Mrs. Whatsit.
posted by loquacious at 1:46 PM on July 17 [15 favorites]


I was ok till i saw the maniquin stuck to the ceiling

Just the one?
posted by TWinbrook8 at 1:48 PM on July 17


"Hey honey, I'm going to run out for a minute, I'll be right back."

"Oh, what are you doing?"

"Hmm, I'm thinking about buying more garbage."

"Oh, cool. What kind of garbage?"

"Any kind, really, it doesn't matter."

"What are you going to do with the garbage?"

"I was thinking about ... I don't know, just throwing it everywhere?"

"That sounds great, I love throwing garbage everywhere."

"I know, that's why I love you."

"Love you too, have fun! Bring back lots of garbage!"
posted by Tevin at 1:56 PM on July 17 [19 favorites]


The $21 K property tax is because Texas does not have an income tax. Instead, the cost of running the schools, cities, and counties is paid by property owners. This can create a certain amount of inequity.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 2:05 PM on July 17 [8 favorites]


What completely blows my mind is that the house looks relatively modern and recently updated? Could have been 17 years following that eternal slab, but it has to have been painted recently. Moving all of that stuff seems exhausting.

Meta-ly, I love these posts but I think the bar has been set pretty low. This one is just a regular house full of stuff. I love creeping on folks's houses so it's cool by me, but this only seems strange for real estate photos, and merely eccentric as decor. Things like that 70s condo or that house that turned out to actually be an art project are at least distinctive for relatively built-in and "permanent" features.

What do I know, though, I currently have 3 mannequin arms on my living room floor.

(Also I'm halfway through Marie Kondo's book, CHANGE IS IN THE AIR)
posted by jeweled accumulation at 2:12 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


GUYS yt omg turn the sound on
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 3:10 PM


I swear I actually know that music, but of course cannot for the life of me remember who exactly it is - Godspeed You! Black Emperor? Tribes of Neurot? Mogwai? Somebody like that, anyway. Pretty hip for a real estate sales YouTube.
posted by soundguy99 at 2:17 PM on July 17


All of my favourite people live in cluttered environments. I've tended more and more towards (useful) clutter over time. My parents were too poor for us to have a lot of stuff, by I can remember spending fascinated hours rooting through my grandad's shed, which was full of old tools and old tobacco tins full of washers, nuts and bolts, and random bits of crap. The Victorians couldn't get enough of clutter, and it was only really the advent of Minimalism that changed that. I think the spartan lifestyle might be approaching the equivalent of 'peak beard', where things that are popular become unpopular because in fashion, the cutting edge always rejects the current norms.

I look forward to being part of the vanguard of a new trend, although my hope is that it will congeal around the concept of 'useful clutter', as opposed to 'knick-knacks and assorted crap'.
posted by pipeski at 2:17 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


you can't just spray paint mannequins, put wigs on them and call them art.
posted by boo_radley at 2:20 PM on July 17 [6 favorites]


also: holy shit, 36 zone sprinkler system
posted by boo_radley at 2:22 PM on July 17


cannot for the life of me remember who exactly it is

I thought so, too--I was thinking Lustmord or The Inward Circles, and I initially assumed it was a joke video, but it does look like the realtor, or a realtor, made it.

So many questions.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 2:23 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


TBH, it's just one in-house carousel away from being the House on the Rock.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:32 PM on July 17 [10 favorites]


I like it. The house itself is pretty plain and the 'decorating' is not my style but at least it looks like someone lives there and is interesting. That's more than can be said for most real estate listings.
There doesn't seem to be anything that permanently changed the house like that cat place. I wouldn't buy or display most of those things, but I would live in a house that looked like that in spirit. There but for the lack of money and time, go I, I guess?
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 2:32 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


I have to search for that cat house post, now. It sounds like my dream come true.
posted by Stonkle at 2:36 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


I'd take it if they'd be willing to pay me 1.1 mil to empty it.
posted by OHenryPacey at 2:38 PM on July 17


Eh, it's not my style, but it's closer to my style than most houses are.

TBH, it's just one in-house carousel away from being the House on the Rock.

I hate the House on the Rock. I hate it so much. I honestly don't think there is a place on this planet I have been to that I hated as much as the House on the Rock. But it wasn't because of all the old stuff, it was because it was like a Disney park for quirky stuff, with "inspiring" quotes on the wall that said stuff like "I'm going to build me a house on a rock as tall as a chimney," which the guy probably never even said once in his life. I went with a friend who insisted on seeing every corner of it in detail, so we were there for what may have been the longest five hours of my life, and I wanted to die and take that godforsaken house with me.

What I'm saying is that, uh, I disagree, because I feel like I'm tuned into the House of the Rock, and my reaction to this wasn't visceral, seething hatred.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 2:42 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


I'm of the opinion that property taxes should never exceed the mortgage payments on an average 30-yr mortgage. $21k is insane. The average house price where I live is $570k, and average property taxes are about $3200. You guys have weird ways of raising tax capital.

Never move to Providence, RI
posted by Fidel Cashflow at 2:43 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]



I have to search for that cat house post, now. It sounds like my dream come true.


Did you ever read The Voyage of the Dawn-Treader? It's in the Narnia series.

Anyway, they're voyaging, and they encounter a desperate swimmer, horribly aged and worn, in the middle of a mysterious patch of darkness. "Help me," he says. "I've been trapped on the island where dreams come true" "Nah, man, you should sign me up," they all say. And he replies, "No, you fools, the island where dreams come true!!!" And everyone is all, ZOMG-not-that-dream, and runs for the oars to row out of there.

Anyway, the cat applique house is undoubtedly on the dream island.
posted by Frowner at 2:44 PM on July 17 [15 favorites]


I like art, but I'm confused by all the conversation about it here, as this house just appears to be full of garbage.

Sorry not sorry.

No tears in my beer for people who can afford to live in million dollar+ recently built McMansions.
posted by Squeak Attack at 2:49 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


Strictly speaking, you won't be buying the house. Legally the house is and will continue to be owned by the mannequins. You are simply buying a leasehold. One of the conditions, obviously, is no redecorating.
posted by ckape at 2:50 PM on July 17 [13 favorites]


Just to clarify a couple points, as a Houstonian:
  • While this location is way the hell out, it's definitely still considered part of "Greater Houston." It's absolutely part of the OMB-designated Houston Metropolitan Statistical Area, for example.
  • "How far is it?" Yeah, you're 45 minutes on a speedy tollway from, say, the Galleria area, and probably a solid hour+ from downtown, and that's without traffic.
  • I know nothing about Fort Bend County tax rates, but I *can* tell you that the the stated tax info for places in MY neighborhood are just wrong. The HAR pages don't take into account homestead exceptions at all, so the listed rate for my property is 2.6536%, but my actual tax bill implies an effective post-exemption rate of half that.
  • Sweet shivering FUCK that place is insane. I'm no neat freak, but if you mislaid your keys in that place you'd absolutely NEVER find them. And I really wonder where the money came from, because it damn sure didn't come from an Etsy shop.
posted by uberchet at 3:03 PM on July 17 [4 favorites]


And I really wonder where the money came from, because it damn sure didn't come from an Etsy shop.

Oil, or engineering, likely. Or maybe they sold a large family farm / ranch to developers in the region. If they're moving out and taking their kitch with them, I'm guessing it's due to mobility issues, so they probably built the place in their 50s, aka "peak earning years."

Heh, if you check the zillow listing, $1.2M is obviously a steal, since they were trying to sell it for $1.6M in 2012. Of course, Zillow estimates $600k-ish for the home, so...
posted by pwnguin at 3:26 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


Err, Zestimate is 1M, but also "homes like this sold for between 550 and 650k" so thats a thing.
posted by pwnguin at 3:28 PM on July 17


you can't just spray paint mannequins, put wigs on them and call them art.

That's true, you'd also need an Artist's Statement.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:28 PM on July 17 [18 favorites]


No pictures of the puzzle basement?

You know, a basement where you have to do puzzles in order to get out.
posted by emelenjr at 3:33 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


No pictures of the puzzle basement?

Spotting the Lament Configuration in the picture gallery wins you some kind of prize.
posted by rhizome at 3:40 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


$21K property tax seems like a lot for that price of house

Texas has some of the highest property tax rates in the US. Which always surprised me, but more in a "What the fuck are you getting for your money?" way. I mean, Texas schools at more than New York tax rates?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:51 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


Quite a cool and quirky house. It would be immensely satisfying to list all of that stuff on Gumtree.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:54 PM on July 17


Or just have walkthroughs. "Handfuls of stuff: $5. Stuff cradled in arms: $neg."
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:55 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


Texas has some of the highest property tax rates in the US.

Maybe it's a side effect of not having a state income tax? I dunno.
posted by GuyZero at 3:56 PM on July 17


"And remember when I used to chitchat with Dad about wanting an art studio with headless mannequins and carnival masks? Well, I've got that too."
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:56 PM on July 17 [3 favorites]


I was too fixed on the YAY BUILT-IN BOOKCASES LET ME HAVE THEM ALL to notice anything else.
posted by thomas j wise at 4:49 PM on July 17 [12 favorites]


Kate Wagner will be pissed that you spoiled her Texas entry for McMansion Hell.
posted by leaper at 4:50 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


(For the record: it wasn't my decorating style, but I thought it was entertainingly quirky, and had an interesting relationship to the stateliness of the architecture. I didn't feel an urge to mock it. Also, bookcases.)
posted by thomas j wise at 4:51 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


I dunno the place doesn't look too bad to me... I mean the stuff not the lame McMansion. Kondo has really altered our views on owning stuff.

I've known hoarders and this is place is hardly hoarders house. I know a guy who sleeps in a nest of album covers curled up to a fireplace where he burns cardboard to heat his house because all his utilities are shut off. The floors of his house are warped from the weight of the junk he hoards. And it is random stuff he hoards - old reels for cash registers, carbon paper, broken bits of cars... stuff like that. When that guy eventually succumbs to his health issues his house will be bulldozed and the property expropriated. This house just has a lot of stuff but stuff that is intentional and with a consistent aesthetic. That kind of quirky is hard to pull off while still being authentic!

You know really the only room that actively bothers me is the bathroom. That's too much for the bathroom.
posted by Ashwagandha at 5:04 PM on July 17 [9 favorites]


OH SHIT YOU GUYS I USED TO LIVE IN RICHMOND TEXAS.

This house is about 8 miles from where I used to live, but same school district (school districts in Texas appear to be their own geographical entities, for some reason). Good schools, though our house price had two fewer digits in it than this one does.

We always heard that there were the occasional Astros, or ZZ Top guys, or whoever, that lived "in" Richmond/suburbs. So, there was some money. (Also, yes, black Angus cattle.) And they're a good ways away from the prison.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:10 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


"That's true, you'd also need an Artist's Statement."

Through the medium of shelter, the artist seeks to problematize suburbia in its final iteration, by subverting the traditional subject/object relationship. The "house" negotiates the tension between sleekly empty lawns and chaotic inner habitats, while interrogating the dialogical relationship between inner reality and outer presentation.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:12 PM on July 17 [34 favorites]


This house is an actual nightmare.
And probably a level in Silent Hill or Resident Evil.
posted by fiercekitten at 5:44 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


you can't just spray paint mannequins, put wigs on them and call them art.

Just put Nikes on their feet and genitals on their faces, and then they'll be worth millions. Amirite, Jake and Dinos?

Honestly, the house looks fine. Clear the crap out of it and it'd be utterly unremarkable.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:54 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


Oh come on, I want to know someone who puts mannequins on their ceiling! Doesn't everyone? Sure there's a lot of clutter but she has to be one seriously awesome lady.
posted by treepour at 6:58 PM on July 17 [5 favorites]


That's the kind of place where you wake up in the middle of the night to stumble to the bathroom, get freaked out by the lurker in the shadows and find out in the morning that you punched out a mannequin.
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:20 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


The house is basic McMansion too big, not well laid out. The vast amounts of stuff seem a bit OCD. Once you start slapping stuff everywhere, it gets out of hand. Some of it looks really interesting, but there's so much, it's impossible to tell. The realtor comments are bland and kind of idiotically out of sync with the house. Realtor fees of 6% on the full price are 75K. I'd expect more effort.
posted by theora55 at 8:04 PM on July 17


Curious now whether folks have started decorating houses for the real estate photos in a way to intentionally engender viral sharing like this. If not yet, then soon, I expect.
posted by rmd1023 at 8:09 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


They're not mannequins.
posted by bigbigdog at 8:15 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


The exterior looks way too coherent for it to be a McMansion Hell choice. No nubbins, the windows seem reasonably consistent, and no turrets or anything. And definitely no laywer foyer.

I have been looking at enough houses (Silicon Valley South Bay depression) that are all staged in ways painful to my brain that I feel like this house looks totally reasonable. I agree that the stuff does make the rooms a little harder to really get a feel for, but none of them seem actively bad. The kitchen hood/enclosure seems like the part that makes me cringe the most. I find the piles of stuff no worse than any decor that is far out of my preferences (I was looking at a condo recently which had decor I found terrifying but my thought was still "these rooms look totally reasonable, and I bet this place would be great if you had half that much furniture and repainted all of the walls").

It would be nice if more place listings provided floor plans, which I think is the thing you really need to get a feel for the flow of the house (apart from actually going to visit it).
posted by that girl at 8:21 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


On the creek, but not in floodplain.

Ya'll can zone it how ever you want. If it rains hard enough, and you're ON the creek, ya'll are in the floodplain. And all your shit will get wet.

Art, mebby so, mebby no. Junk, fer shure.

Living that close to a herd of black Angus for me would be OK, but then I like cattle, and don't mind the smell of cow shit and the horn flies and other pests. (Betcha there's mosquitoes, too)
posted by BlueHorse at 8:25 PM on July 17 [2 favorites]


I looked through the photos and then I started hyperventilating and I had to go lie down. So much crap everywhere. You literally cannot use some of these rooms for any purpose at all other than throwing more stuff in them.

I mean, sure, this lady might be the most interesting person in the world, but how on earth are you gonna find her in there? And not mistake her for a mannequin?

...wait... are they all mannequins?
posted by XtinaS at 8:45 PM on July 17


WTF algorithm did they use to generate that random pool shape?
posted by bendy at 8:51 PM on July 17


I am all for quirky decorating but the aesthetics of this don't speak to me. But still, good on the owner for creating a place that made them happy.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:15 PM on July 17 [1 favorite]


someone who knows kim cattrall better forward this to her, because if I were her I would want to be there when the prospective buyers start showing up, holding very very still until the opportune moment presents itself.
posted by queenofbithynia at 9:21 PM on July 17 [6 favorites]


Through the medium of shelter, the artist seeks to problematize suburbia in its final iteration, by subverting the traditional subject/object relationship. The "house" negotiates the tension between sleekly empty lawns and chaotic inner habitats, while interrogating the dialogical relationship between inner reality and outer presentation

BUYER: I love the house, who's your designer?

ME: Judith Butler
posted by rhizome at 9:32 PM on July 17 [8 favorites]


I cannot find the plush cat house link, (which is making me sad) please someone post a link here?
posted by Faintdreams at 11:16 PM on July 17


Surely the point of the photos is to see the house, and I literally cannot see the house. I was looking at one of the kitchen photos and it pointed out the six-burner range and I thought, Where????
posted by sldownard at 11:46 PM on July 17 [3 favorites]


This post has become a list of people who would freak the everloving fuck out if they came to my house.

Because mannequins.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:41 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]


All I can think is... there is at least a dozen brown recluses in every single one of those pictures.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 12:58 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]




Lawn mower mannequin is the deal maker. I will buy.
posted by srboisvert at 5:33 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


Looking at those pics gave me a headache. That house is too awful, too cluttered and it's in Texas. no sale
posted by james33 at 6:15 AM on July 18


I don't find this house appealing in any way, but mostly because it's a McMansion near Houston. The crap (I don't think it's art, I've seen actual art houses, this is a "tacky crap I threw into a room" house) would only concern me so far as I would want to be sure they took it with them.

If I were seriously looking for houses like this, I'd be annoyed that the owners didn't bother to clean up their crap for photos, and then I'd wonder if they were that careless, how much basic maintenance they had failed to do/done "creatively" and so would probably take a pass.

Well-staged homes allow you to see things like what shape the floors/walls are in, get a good idea of the actual size of a room, and don't distract you with the current owner's obsessions. That's a good thing. I appreciate people trying to sell me a hugely expensive item taking a little bit of effort to do so.
posted by emjaybee at 6:50 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


Well-staged homes [...]

Did you see the mannequins?
posted by amanda at 7:32 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


What I find interesting is that the real estate industry would have us make our houses more like hotels (see especially, the emphasis on master bedroom "retreats" and "en suite" "spas") and our hotels more like houses (warm cookies! books in the lobby!). The house->hotel notion reaches its zenith in staging: clutter and personality free spaces without quite enough furniture to accommodate ordinary life.

Recently my brother and I had to clean out my late mother's place. It took months of focused effort and reminded me a lot of this home, although her taste was totally different. I call it genteel hoarding: all walls and surfaces covered, but with good stuff, all curated to her taste and dust-free (don't get me started on all the other stuff crammed into the drawers, cabinets and basements. I reacted by wanting to pitch every thing i own, but...

Mr. Carmicha is a sculptor and I do sometimes wish we would rotate the work on display so, um, less of it was featured at any one time. His father was a sculptor too and we also have plenty of his pieces around, plus another 35 or so works by both of them that live in my office house (where I do rotate the displays). After seeing this house I realize how much worse it could be. Shudder.
posted by carmicha at 7:36 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]


I've known hoarders and this is place is hardly hoarders house.

Hahahahhaha, right? If my hoarder mother could get all her shit whittled down to this much and then keep it at that level, I'd dance a frickin jig . I don't want to clean-shame anyone, but if this house is freaking you out, just know that this house is sooooooo far away from how bad it could be.
posted by 23skidoo at 8:09 AM on July 18 [9 favorites]


So, Mr. Ant and I recently bought a larger house. We'd been looking for a long time when we finally saw our new house - anyway, we saw it once and fell in love. When we went back to look a second time, we tool a closer look at the built-in bookshelves. The items I had originally thought were soup tureens were actually a collection of chamber pots.
posted by workerant at 8:18 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]


No love for the beseeching tones of the estate agent pointing out the wainscoting and *gasp* double coves with integrated lighting?

The dozens of grammatical errors just add to the dissonant gestalt of this listing.
posted by amanda at 8:27 AM on July 18


Burn it down.
posted by EinAtlanta at 8:52 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]


I must be some kind of realtor's dream, because I look at the houses like this (and the cat house and the Captain's Quarters that konmara alludes to upthread and my honest reaction to the decor is "eh, it's just decor. They'll take all the furniture and paintings so I don't need to worry about that, and as for the color, I can repaint." Hell, I had to do that for the apartment I'm in now - the previous inhabitant of my bedroom painted three of the walls in either teal or lavendar, and then did a rag-roll effect with both those colors on the fourth wall and I felt like it was a Miami Vice set. I picked up two cans of white paint at Sherwin Williams on moving day and that took care of it. (In fact, I kinda liked the effect from leaving it at just one coat; it looked a little "vintage and lived-in" and that was the look I was going for.)

So yeah, realtors' ads like this may show people having had....questionable taste, but you're looking at the bones, not the whole face. And some of the bones of this house are great.

....Incidentally, I'd actually be uneasy doing that to the Cat House - but more because it looks like that was an enormous labor of love and I'd feel guilty ruining it. But that's only if all those pictures were painted on (if they were just tacked-on posters or something, then fuck that noise, take 'em down and paint the room).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:49 AM on July 18


I felt like it was a Miami Vice set.

Speaking as someone who purchased the entire 5 season box set of DVD's of said show last week* I am moved to raise a stern eyebrow in your direction.

*My wife did say, upon me telling her "I think we need to talk about our marriage" when I told her, admittedly.
posted by Brockles at 10:24 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]


And some of the bones of this house are great.

Are they? These McMansions are notorious for shoddy construction. It seems like it's well built for basically being on a floodplain and I think that's the least of the house's likely problems, but it's certainly a concern. The cabinetry seems merely OK - that TV nook in the one bathroom is kind of weird. The interior window shutters seem nice and those are not cheap, certainly not in the volume that this house has them. But it was only built in 2000 so even if it was built like total garbage you probably won't notice yet.
posted by GuyZero at 10:45 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]


the mannequin on the lawnmower is easily the best part of this whole...thing
posted by burgerrr at 11:15 AM on July 18


You can tell the house is quite clean underneath all the crap. All the woodwork gleams, I don't see any dust anywhere, etc.

Still. Anyone who's like "Oh, this is only a little cluttered" needs a recalibration of their mess meter. This is a horror show. You can't even see the floor in a few of those rooms.
posted by Autumnheart at 11:24 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Any thoughts I ever had about a MF meetup at my house are gone.
posted by bongo_x at 1:13 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Coming back to the top of this comment to chime in and warn you that it's a doozy and I'm sorry because I seem to have gotten on a bit of a soapbox here. I'll probably not reply any more to this thread, simply because it's a bit much for me now... thanks for reading anyway.


Anyone who's like "Oh, this is only a little cluttered" needs a recalibration of their mess meter.

Yup. They also need to realize that, for whatever reasons be they psychological or physiological, hoarding seems to have a direct relationship with age, at least that's been my experience with relatives (read: parents) who hoard.

My childhood home was livable when I was little. I remember it. I remember wearing those strap on roller skates and zooming around the joint.

Then, as middle school and high school rolled around, the table tops began being permanently filled with things. Shelves started appearing to be populated with nick knacks and books. Dust went from a casual concern to a losing battle. Paths from one place to another became the norm in major rooms instead of just closets/storage areas.

Coming back from college during my first summer break, I had nowhere to come back to. My room was filled with things, the bed buried beneath coats and books and parts and crafts: treasures. I stuck it out and cleaned and re-carpeted (because the dust, oh the dust and I am sensitive to it to the point of fearing a literal hospital trip as I wheezed awake at night in places like that) a single room so that I could have a place to live. I repaired the ceiling where it was falling in from no one being able to reach it to repair it, long after the roof had been repaired.

That summer was the last time I slept at home, now if I go home I stay with family members who are not my parents. My children will never be able go into their grandparent's home, let along stay with them for a night or a week as I did with my parents. The floors are weak and rotting, there are literal holes, the plumbing is hanging on a thread, the central AC went long ago and has been replaced by a hodgepodge/series of window units. You can not sit down if you go in unless you move something. Usable floor space is reduced to maybe 5% of total floor plan space and that is dangerous of knocking shit over.

I've spent a week away from my family when I finally got mom to consider a deep clean/need help session. It was a nightmare straight out of a Hoarders episode, as I knew it would be. When, now years later, it came up in a conversation, I was blamed for not 'wanting to help her' and for other awful, hateful (and 100% untrue) things as she attempted to defend/deflect the abyssal failure that incident had been and how little it had helped in the long run.

My father has given up. He is a prisoner among the hoard. My mother is lucky enough to have tribal resources such that, literally, up to and including having a new home built for her (or the old one repaired on the order of 10s of thousands of dollars worth of funds that would be handed to contractors with little effort and no questions asked) but she will not take advantage of it due to her shame and dismissive nature of the problem. She cites health problems and inability to do anything about it while she cleans and sweats and works to deliver box loads to a moving truck to help my wife and I move into the house we just bought and doesn't see the contradiction inherent in her words and actions.

Bah. I got off track there. I'm sorry about that, but I'm not deleting it because maybe someone else can read it and learn from my story. I suppose I needed to vent and I can't talk to anyone else, MsEld excepted really, about this because of the abovementioned anger issues that come up anytime it's even hinted at to mom.

To the person upthread that said: So making fun of other people's homes is now what Metafilter is about.

While it may be misdirected or wrongheaded, for some of us, many even, it's not making fun of someone, it's a visceral response to a triggering type of exposure where they don't want to see others exposed to the sort of things they've been exposed to. I feel really shitty and weak even mentioning it that way, but this post was triggering for a lot of things. I'm not judging the owner, in the parlance of my neck of the woods that house "is her little red wagon to push or pull as she pleases" but writing off the voices of anyone who doesn't accept a behavior pattern as artsy/cute/totes normal is... just ignorant, I think.

Apropos nothing really, the follow up of I'm sure the 65 year old woman who owns the house thinks you are all so kind. She is an artist and jewelry maker. fits my mother perfectly as well. Her art is great.

Seriously. I just hate that she may well die by being crushed by a stack of boxes of supplies for it that she bought from goodwill in 1998.

I also hate that I will be the one dealing with the decision of 'clean it up and maybe recover some 0.01% of the hoard that are actual memories/pictures/keepsakes that I actually care about or bulldoze it to the ground as is and/or let the property go to the county or god knows what recourse I'll have at that point in time.

But mostly I really hate that my kids will never know the fun times of spending time with their grandparents the way I think many kids that are lucky enough to have their grandparents around and healthy enough to keep them now and again, ya'know, do.

Plate of beans strikes again. I'll see myself out.

posted by RolandOfEld at 1:15 PM on July 18 [16 favorites]


Anyway, the cat applique house is undoubtedly on the dream island.

Ok. Wow. You're right. I was imagining a kooky, fun house, not... that.
posted by Stonkle at 3:20 PM on July 18


You know, in Norway the word Texas is slang for "completely crazy" or "over the top".

Just sayin.
posted by ananci at 3:29 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Anyone who's like "Oh, this is only a little cluttered" needs a recalibration of their mess meter. This is a horror show. You can't even see the floor in a few of those rooms.

Ha, no one thinks this place looks tidy, it's just that some people are acting like it's 100% filled to the brim with garbage in every room, and other people are pointing out that no, it's not 100%-filled-to-the-brim-with-garbage-bad, since they've seen places that are like 5 times as bad as this. You can't see the floor in a few of the rooms, that's true, but in the rooms where you can see the floor? There's tons of empty space in those rooms. I can imagine walking around those rooms without having to move anything out of my way, or without having to contort my body so I can maneuver around piles of stuff. When I look through most of these pictures, what really jumps out are all the places where I'd expect to see a bunch of stuff crammed but really don't- underneath tables, on the seats of chairs, on top of tables, on top of counters, on every single step of every single staircase, etc. If you're thinking "But you're not supposed to cram shit there", sure, but some people do that. This house? It's not on that level in these pictures.

There's a certain level of clutter that most people will be able to tolerate, and this house is certainly way above that level. But on a scale from "Minimalist" to "As Cluttered Up As A House Can Possibly Be", this really is only a little cluttered - I don't need a recalibration of my mess meter, I've just seen houses that are so much more cluttered than this one that I know better than to label this as the worst of the worst.
posted by 23skidoo at 3:33 PM on July 18 [3 favorites]


When I look through most of these pictures, what really jumps out are all the places where I'd expect to see a bunch of stuff crammed but really don't-

It's almost 7,500 sq feet - give her time! I'm sure she'll junk it up all the way if they can't unload it.

I'm not reacting with shudders because I think this house is the worst of the worst - I mean, duh, I come from a long lime of hoarders, and I've seen Hoarders, obviously I know what abysmal looks like!

I guess I reacted badly to this house because 1) usually people don't put their fucking junk on display in real estate photos, 2) with the exception of some of the stuff on the walls, none of this looks like art, it just looks like the unsellable contents from most of the thrift stores in that county all dumped into one house, 3) there are tables but you can't use ANY of them because they are covered in crap which is stacked on other crap and all the tables and chairs in a place having crap on them is a peeve of mine (thanks for that one, mom), 4) that one bathtub looks unusable due to how much garbage is crammed in there and I'm sweating just thinking about all those little tchotchkes and doodads heaped everywhere and 4) there are all kinds of unnecessary chairs and footstools and occasional tables crammed EVERYWHERE like how many guests are these people really going to host and do they realistically need all this stuff and do they use all this crap regularly? and I just know I would have 4 broken toes from tripping all over those stupid footstools all the time.
posted by Squeak Attack at 3:57 PM on July 18 [4 favorites]


Also: In terms of selling the house, this is such an ill advised method - you decimate your potential purchasing public by showing it so filled with clutter to people.

The captions on the slideshow straight-up SCREAM "unreasonable owner with an unrealistic assessment of home's value who will not listen to anything that I, a licensed real estate professional, have to say." Like, I would bet anything that they went back and forth on the appointment for the photos, and the real estate agent kept telling them they needed to put things away and clean the pool, and the owner kept arguing about everything before declaring the property ready, and then acted totally shocked that they were supposed to actually USE the included pool cleaner and kept saying, "Can't you just include a note about the crepe myrtle?!?!"
posted by Snarl Furillo at 4:06 PM on July 18 [10 favorites]


Like, see also: slab price, "free cattle," "the art is not for sale," taking the fish from the built-in aquarium, etc.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 4:09 PM on July 18


Like, see also: slab price, "free cattle," "the art is not for sale," taking the fish from the built-in aquarium, etc.

Yes, they smacked of desperately looking for distraction points, to me. Not even cleaning the pool really leapt out at me as foolish/ill advised.

unreasonable owner with an unrealistic assessment of home's value who will not listen to anything that I, a licensed real estate professional, have to say
100% agree. I would bet good money that the owner just flat out refused to entertain the concept that anyone would be other than delighted to see her 'art' covering almost the entire house and likely even suggested it 'probably adds value to the home to see it'.
posted by Brockles at 4:17 PM on July 18 [3 favorites]


You know, in Norway the word Texas is slang for "completely crazy" or "over the top".

It kinda means that in Texas, too.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:31 PM on July 18 [2 favorites]


Snarl Furillo I think is likely right about the copy under the photos. Real Estate copy is all about minimising or the obfuscating the weak points of a property (and managing the owner's expectations!) without lying too much to be accused of false advertising.

My neighbour put his house up for sale recently and I was looking at the listing. It fails to mention anything about the second floor, which when he bought the place, had no electricity or working plumbing or doors as its previous owner was a enthusiastic DIY with limited funds and time. It's only slightly more usable now. Nor does it mention the wet basement. But it does mention how close of a walk to the Google offices it is!
posted by Ashwagandha at 5:40 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


I don't think it's not cluttered, but I do think it's inappropriate for anyone to be diagnosing the owner with a mental illness or making up unflattering back stories about her based on a series of pictures of her cluttered but apparently clean, well maintained house. (Maybe they had cleaned the pool, then right as they went to take the pictures, a gust of wind came through.)

And I don't think it's cool to be calling her stuff garbage. It's not my taste either, but it's obviously hers. Everything seems to have a shared aesthetic, even it it's one you don't appreciate. It's not literal garbage, and it's not just haphazardly accumulated stuff.
posted by ernielundquist at 6:21 PM on July 18 [7 favorites]


I mean, maybe this home's owner has an incompetent real estate agent, but no competent real estate agent doesn't stop the photos to skim the pool. That in particular jumped out to me because some friends just sold a house that looked much like this house while they lived in it, but was entirely bland and photogenic once it went on the market. The real estate agents gave them a very detailed list of what needed to change before photos, right down to which decorative throw blanket to use where, and including an extremely labor-intensive pool cleaning schedule.

Also, the stuff about the cattle and the foundation was exactly the kind of thing my friends always said about their house but were gently discouraged from emphasizing in ads, because the real estate agents knew it wasn't the value add to buyers that it was to my friends. It's not the decor that is off-putting to me, just the subtle hints at trouble seeing things from other people's perspectives.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 8:18 PM on July 18


I'm getting the feeling there's not a lot of people with pools here.
posted by bongo_x at 11:47 PM on July 18


the Kermit image is gone. I guess someone saved him!
posted by stevil at 11:39 AM on July 19


IN WHICH THE OWNER OF THAT MANNEQUIN-PACKED HOUSE IN RICHMOND ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS AND THE REST OF THE COUNTRY’S (spoilers: "No, I’m not a hoarder. I could go down the list of things people are accusing me of. Yes, I own a weird business, but artists are weird, and if you find a normal artist [they’re] probably not a good one.")
posted by librarylis at 3:38 PM on July 21 [3 favorites]


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