Marmaduke is no longer a suspect
October 19, 2017 11:43 AM   Subscribe

The strip in question shows Jon grabbing a cup on the counter and taking a big swig, apparently in the belief that it's filled with coffee. "Congratulations, Mr. Arbuckle," says Liz. "You are going to give birth to a fine, healthy litter of puppies." That Jon drinks dog semen has become an article of faith among many Garfield fans.

Was this interpretation right or was it wrong? For years the debate has raged, but we may finally have received a definitive answer:

Garfield Creator Jim Davis Denies That Jon Drinks Dog Semen In A 1990 Comic Strip
posted by Atom Eyes (141 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite


 
I went into this prepared to disbelieve Davis, because obviously he'd want to cover his tuchus.

But no, his explanation actually seems likelier to me.
posted by timdiggerm at 11:48 AM on October 19 [14 favorites]


Technically, dog cum would also be a "high protein supplement", so -- tomato, tomahto.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:49 AM on October 19 [19 favorites]




Still doesn't explain what it's doing in a coffee cup.
posted by Kikujiro's Summer at 11:50 AM on October 19 [9 favorites]


Clearly the answer is that Jon drank a piping cup of dog uterus.
posted by UltraMorgnus at 11:51 AM on October 19 [9 favorites]


Also, drinking semen doesn't get people pregnant regardless of sex, so this line of thinking always seemed nonsensical to me. Perhaps Davis could have headed off the controversy by adding a label to the cup. But my brain says, "Forget about it Jake, it's Garfield."
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:52 AM on October 19 [15 favorites]


This needs the Garfield Minus Garfield treatment.
posted by Fizz at 11:53 AM on October 19 [2 favorites]


Yeah, the larger misunderstanding here is believing any Garfield strip to have a punchline.
posted by solotoro at 11:54 AM on October 19 [45 favorites]


I'm disappointed that this FPP didn't also include the news that Davis is writing a short story about Galactus for an upcoming issue of The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, which is written as an in-universe comics zine written by all of Doreen's friends.
posted by zombieflanders at 11:54 AM on October 19 [24 favorites]


I need somebody to create the alternate timeline of Garfield strips where Jon births and raises the puppies.
posted by jason_steakums at 11:55 AM on October 19 [17 favorites]


But why would Jon make a gagging face if it were just a protein supplement? People drink protein-enriched shakes all the time; they're tasty.
posted by 0xFCAF at 11:55 AM on October 19 [4 favorites]


Death of the author.
posted by Artw at 11:56 AM on October 19 [15 favorites]


Also, drinking semen doesn't get people pregnant regardless of sex, so this line of thinking always seemed nonsensical to me.

Nonsensical to you, but you'd be surprised at the notions people have regarding how pregnancy works. See: Yahoo Answers.
posted by Fizz at 11:56 AM on October 19 [3 favorites]


Still doesn't explain what it's doing in a coffee cup.

Yeah even if there were some kind of high-protein supplement for pregnant dogs and even if it were delivered as a liquid and even if this vet had it out while she was examining a cat, even then it oughtn't have been in a mug. Dogs don't drink from mugs. At least not efficiently.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:57 AM on October 19 [6 favorites]


The cup doesn't seem to have a handle. Do you have to have one of those to qualify as a coffee cup?
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:59 AM on October 19 [3 favorites]


The coffee mug is a red herring, she actually ran tests on Jon and he's pregnant with dogs due to some earlier misadventure.
posted by jason_steakums at 11:59 AM on October 19 [89 favorites]


But Cathy Guisewite has confirmed that Cathy and Irving did indeed murder a guy in that one strip.
posted by bondcliff at 11:59 AM on October 19 [23 favorites]


It's the future. Protein supplements come with nanotechnological DNA re-manipulators.
posted by Artw at 12:00 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


Also, drinking semen doesn't get people pregnant regardless of sex, so this line of thinking always seemed nonsensical to me.

Well, of course not. In the Semen Theory, Liz was making a wry joke about the fact that Jon just drank a mug of semen, not seriously suggesting that he somehow would become pregnant with puppies.
posted by tobascodagama at 12:00 PM on October 19 [21 favorites]


Dogs don't drink from mugs.

Then again, cats don't stand on their hind feet and eat lasagna. But feel free to define your threshold of disbelief however you like.
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:00 PM on October 19 [36 favorites]


I have seen cats do both, admittedly not at the same time.
posted by Artw at 12:01 PM on October 19 [21 favorites]


But Cathy Guisewite has confirmed that Cathy and Irving did indeed murder a guy in that one strip.

Did they ACK him to death with an ACKs
posted by jason_steakums at 12:01 PM on October 19 [73 favorites]


Taste this.

What is it?

I don't know, something I found in one of the labs.

posted by Sphinx at 12:01 PM on October 19 [10 favorites]


Dilbert guy is volcel.
posted by Artw at 12:02 PM on October 19 [6 favorites]


But why would Jon make a gagging face if it were just a protein supplement? People drink protein-enriched shakes all the time; they're tasty.

Who here will admit to knowing whether or not dog semen is as tasty as a protein shake?
posted by peeedro at 12:02 PM on October 19 [11 favorites]


Well, of course not. In the Semen Theory, Liz was making a wry joke about the fact that Jon just drank a mug of semen, not seriously suggesting that he somehow would become pregnant with puppies.

Maybe it was coffee all along, and Liz said that just to prevent Jon from grabbing her ass, which is apparently what he's about to do in panel #3.
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:02 PM on October 19 [11 favorites]


People voluntarily admit to drinking protein shakes?
posted by Artw at 12:03 PM on October 19 [2 favorites]


"you'd be surprised at the notions people have regarding how pregnancy works"

How is pubby formed?
how is pubby formed
how jon get pragnent

They need to do way instain garfeld> who kill their pubbys. becuse these pubby cant frigth back?
posted by komara at 12:03 PM on October 19 [37 favorites]


I need somebody to create the alternate timeline of Garfield strips where Jon births and raises the puppies.

Given the vastness of the Internet, this undoubtedly already exists somewhere.
posted by Sangermaine at 12:04 PM on October 19


Mining Garfield strips for meaning is like trying to extract truth from anything DT says.
posted by tommasz at 12:05 PM on October 19 [2 favorites]


What happened to the cockroach-mouse in Fat Freddie's Cat?
posted by Artw at 12:05 PM on October 19 [9 favorites]


It's very on brand for 2017 that we now have a more definitive answer about whether a 20-year old comic contains dog semen than how much money the President makes.
posted by notorious medium at 12:06 PM on October 19 [42 favorites]


Trump is also suspiciously silent on the amount of dog semen he has consumed.
posted by Sangermaine at 12:10 PM on October 19 [30 favorites]


I'm somewhat impressed by the fact that the dog semen interpretation is a pretty mediocre joke (mostly because it doesn't make much sense - why would a vet keep dog semen lying around in a coffee cup?), and yet the author felt the need to supply a less funny one.
posted by Dr Dracator at 12:10 PM on October 19 [30 favorites]


20-year old comic

I have some bad news for you about the passage of time. Wait til you hear who's president.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:10 PM on October 19 [14 favorites]


But why would Jon make a gagging face if it were just a protein supplement? People drink protein-enriched shakes all the time; they're tasty.

Ignoring all the obvious questions about why it's in a coffee mug in the exam room, a protein shake intended for dogs would not have the same tasty flavor as the ones people regularly drink. It would likely come in flavors similar to dog toothpaste - beef or poultry or something of that nature. Not very tasty, and definitely worthy of that gagging face if you're expecting coffee.
posted by thejanna at 12:11 PM on October 19 [7 favorites]


I need somebody to create the alternate timeline of Garfield strips where Jon births and raises the puppies.

I always found that story of how Yakko, Wakko, and Dot were locked away in a water tower for 60 years to be very suspicious.

Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. And the moral of today's story: don't ask Garfield to make sense.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:12 PM on October 19 [9 favorites]


What happened to the cockroach-mouse in Fat Freddie's Cat?

It warms my heart to see any reference to the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, so thank you.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:13 PM on October 19 [2 favorites]


People voluntarily admit to drinking protein shakes?

Let me tell you about CrossFit!
posted by cjorgensen at 12:13 PM on October 19 [8 favorites]


This thread is doing a fantastic job of adding to my observation that the only thing funny about Garfield is the Garfield-heckling industry.
posted by NoMich at 12:15 PM on October 19 [32 favorites]


People already made all the jokes I was going to make.
posted by goatdog at 12:15 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


Dennis the Menace is an old man forever haunted by the punk ghost of the cool kid he could have been.
posted by Artw at 12:17 PM on October 19 [20 favorites]


Trump is also suspiciously silent on the amount of dog semen he has consumed.

He treats people like garbage and then expects them to prepare and serve food for him, so quite possibly the answer is "a whole lot more than he knows"
posted by jason_steakums at 12:18 PM on October 19 [58 favorites]


Family Circle is a flat... time?
posted by Artw at 12:19 PM on October 19 [12 favorites]


Look guys, nothing in Garfield makes sense because it was revealed in 1989 that the entire run of strips is a series of delusions/hallucinations that a cat, slowly starving to death, is having in an abandoned house.
posted by nubs at 12:21 PM on October 19 [18 favorites]


the Garfield minus x strips are no shit poignant and hilarious.
posted by Sebmojo at 12:21 PM on October 19


Jim Davis: People already made all the jokes I was going to make.
MetaFilter: People already made all the jokes I was going to make.
posted by Fizz at 12:23 PM on October 19 [5 favorites]


...why would a vet keep dog semen lying around in a coffee cup?

"Because she can" is all the answer that should ever be required.
posted by delfin at 12:25 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


Perhaps Davis could have headed off the controversy by adding a label to the cup.

I did a little digging on a higher-res scan of the original art and this mystery just keeps getting more confusing
posted by cortex at 12:26 PM on October 19 [22 favorites]


Oh, internet.

I still love you, you big galoot.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 12:28 PM on October 19 [3 favorites]


Dog Semen in a cup makes no sense.

I assumed it was dog urine in a cup. Because pregnancy tests.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 12:29 PM on October 19 [13 favorites]


a protein shake intended for dogs would not have the same tasty flavor as the ones people regularly drink. It would likely come in flavors similar to dog toothpaste - beef or poultry or something of that nature.

1. People don't usually gag at the taste of beef or chicken, they are quite popular flavors. 2. Dairy cow protein supplement is very salty, it's essentially a fortified salt lick. If the hypothetical canine version is also salty, we're back to something suspiciously close to dog semen.
posted by peeedro at 12:29 PM on October 19


Let me tell you about CrossFit!

Gross.
posted by Artw at 12:31 PM on October 19 [4 favorites]


Dog Semen in a cup makes no sense.

Don't kink shame
posted by bondcliff at 12:31 PM on October 19 [13 favorites]


I did a little digging on a higher-res scan of the original art and this mystery just keeps getting more confusing

Well it's cut off but obviously it says "hot dog Cuba Libre" which definitely explains his expression after tasting it, because that is a terrible twist on the traditional rum and coke.
posted by jason_steakums at 12:31 PM on October 19 [12 favorites]


No. No no no no NO. You are not taking this from me Jim Davis!
posted by graventy at 12:34 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


"Because she can" is all the answer that should ever be required.

Dogs are generally smaller than people, there's no way they produce it by the cupful - you have to respect the dedication that must have gone into collection.
posted by Dr Dracator at 12:34 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


Someone has never check out the hanging giblets on a St. Bernard!
posted by cjorgensen at 12:37 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


Dogs don't drink from mugs.

But they will fill a cup with semen if you just give them some privacy?
posted by straight at 12:38 PM on October 19




At best, Liz is an irresponsible vet, leaving another patient's treatment items around like that. I would not expect Jon to be with someone any better than that.

I believe Jim Davis for the following reasons:
- the container makes sense for a protein supplement, since you would put a syringe in it, draw out the liquid and shoot it down the dog's throat to force it to swallow it.
- the container does not make sense for semen, which would have specific temperature requirements.
- assuming my first point is correct, there would be no taste additive because the dog would not be required to eat it in the normal fashion, therefore the taste may indeed be awful
- jokes are not the major currency of Garfield comic strips, but some strange form of existential dread. Neither are present in this strip which is not unusual.

In conclusion, I don't think Jim Davis would go for the cum joke and I continue to be impressed how much mileage he was able to get out of this comic strip. Scott Adams can go fuck himself.


Edit: the syringe thing is how you would deliver medicine to horses or cows. I don't know anything about dogs.
posted by Emmy Rae at 12:42 PM on October 19 [4 favorites]


[Trump] treats people like garbage and then expects them to prepare and serve food for him

So you're saying he's a cat.
posted by AFABulous at 12:45 PM on October 19 [4 favorites]


Scott Adams can go fuck himself.

Are you proposing an alternate theory on what is in the cup?
posted by nubs at 12:46 PM on October 19 [3 favorites]


I'd believe him more if Jim Davis posted a picture of his shirtless semi-toned torso to Twitter. That's the mark of a man I can believe.
posted by tittergrrl at 12:47 PM on October 19 [4 favorites]


Scott Adams can go fuck himself.

You're really not listening on the volcel thing.
posted by Artw at 12:48 PM on October 19 [7 favorites]


Has Lasagna Cat done this one?
posted by k8bot at 12:49 PM on October 19


You're really not listening on the volcel thing.

Is volcel not what I suggested/agreed with?
posted by Emmy Rae at 12:50 PM on October 19


I mean, technically he *can*, but he won't because it messes with his mystical powers.
posted by Artw at 12:52 PM on October 19


Wait wait wait

is magic canon in Garf?
posted by jason_steakums at 12:52 PM on October 19


y'all if this perfectly civil conversation about Jim Davis and dog semen gets derailed by an argument about whether Dilbert masturbating is or is not compatible with a strict interpretation of volcel i am going to turn this car around
posted by cortex at 12:53 PM on October 19 [57 favorites]


nothing is more metafilter.
posted by AFABulous at 12:55 PM on October 19 [6 favorites]


Plot twist: it was Dilbert's mug.
posted by tittergrrl at 12:55 PM on October 19 [3 favorites]


imagine explaining this thread to your mother
posted by AFABulous at 12:55 PM on October 19 [8 favorites]


Wait is Dilbert volcel or is Scott Adams?
posted by jason_steakums at 12:56 PM on October 19


One of you is most certainly my mother who is in this thread just to own me online.
posted by Emmy Rae at 12:57 PM on October 19 [3 favorites]


Plot twist: it was Dilbert's mug.

So Dilbert is volcel, but when he goes to see Liz (presumably because of Dogbert), he ejaculates into a mug?
posted by nubs at 1:00 PM on October 19 [2 favorites]


Look guys, nothing in Garfield makes sense because it was revealed in 1989 that the entire run of strips yt is a series of delusions/hallucinations that a cat, slowly starving to death, is having in an abandoned house.
nubs

Davis has sadly also refuted that theory:
This week, BB reader Kevin Skinner happened to have the opportunity to ask the comic's creator, Jim Davis, about the so-called "Death of Garfield" series. From Kevin's email to me:

"I read the ("Death of Garfield?") post a couple of days ago and was intrigued because I was scheduled to have a business meeting with Jim Davis in just a couple of days (I work for Hallmark). Well, I had that meeting at Paws (Davis' company) yesterday and I used the opportunity to ask him just exactly what he had in mind when he wrote those strips. The answer was simple. He was not inspired by any cartoon (though I could certainly see why the other commenter might believe so). Garfield is NOT dead, nor is he starving to death (Jim actually laughed loudly when I suggested these theories). It was simply a week before Halloween and Jim wanted to do something legitimately scary, as opposed to Halloween-scary. "Ghosts aren't scary..." he told me before explaining that before writing the strips he went around to everyone he knew and asked them what truly scared them. The answer he got most often was "being alone" or "dying alone". Just that simple.

I mentioned the post to Jim and he seemed tickled. I told him that I intended to set the record straight and he seemed fine with it. As a matter of fact he was unaware of the many internet-circulated theories about the strips (it took him a moment to even understand which strips I was talking about)."
posted by Sangermaine at 1:01 PM on October 19 [4 favorites]


There is one funny Garfield comic and it is from 1979
posted by chavenet at 1:01 PM on October 19 [21 favorites]


Davis has sadly also refuted that theory:

Has he? Or is he just in denial about the bleak, existential truth of what his creation is really about?

I mean, it's all just coffee mugs full of dog semen all the way down if you really stop to think about it.
posted by nubs at 1:05 PM on October 19


Wait is Dilbert volcel or is Scott Adams?

Scott Adams is Jack D. Ripper. Dilbert is D-FENS.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:06 PM on October 19 [5 favorites]


So Dilbert is volcel, but when he goes to see Liz (presumably because of Dogbert), he ejaculates into a mug?

It's the only logical explanation. Of course, we are assuming that it's Dilbert's ejaculate... could be Dogbert's.

It's all connected, sheeple.
posted by tittergrrl at 1:06 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


*looks at FPP, wonders why there are already 81 comments*

*clicks on FPP, reads the 81 comments*

*is still puzzled*
posted by Melismata at 1:08 PM on October 19 [9 favorites]


*looks at FPP, wonders why there are already 81 comments*

*clicks on FPP, reads the 81 comments*

*still puzzled*


MetaFilter: It's not a plate of beans this time.
posted by nubs at 1:14 PM on October 19 [10 favorites]


Technically, dog cum would also be a "high protein supplement"

Technically, no. (assuming a similar composition)
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:20 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


I just fell down a Garfield wiki hole and holy hell I forgot that Lyman can look terrifying
posted by jason_steakums at 1:23 PM on October 19 [2 favorites]


I just fell down a Garfield wiki hole and holy hell I forgot that Lyman can look terrifying

Mustache or terrible dental hygiene?
posted by leotrotsky at 1:26 PM on October 19 [5 favorites]


I must recommend the user-submitted Garfield mashups at Square Root of Minus Garfield, only partly because I have contributed some of them, he self-linked. Because crossovers are cool, as are rewrittten funnier punchlines.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:27 PM on October 19


Or eyes?
posted by Melismata at 1:27 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


Funny. For the life of me, I don't even remember the "cup o semen" strip, and something like that would have definitely been picked-up by the art staff for good giggles. Now, the "Death of Garfield" series I definitely remember. The opinion of the art staff was "WTF is this? He's lost it."
posted by Thorzdad at 1:30 PM on October 19


Wait is Dilbert volcel or is Scott Adams?

Scott Adams is Jack D. Ripper. Dilbert is D-FENS.
posted by octobersurprise


Alternate horrifying theories:
1. Dilbert is an adult Bart Simpson
2. Dilbert is the recurring kid from the Far Side, grown up
posted by the phlegmatic king at 1:36 PM on October 19 [2 favorites]


Look, here's the truth of Liz. Liz is a very competent vet. She's also, obviously, very good looking. But that's really neither here nor there - it's no crime to wear lipstick.

The guy before Jon's appointment is a regular. This guy's dog is totally fine and normal. The dog has no problems. Regular checkups like any responsible dog owner but the guy also makes up all kinds of reason to bring his dog in so he can harass Liz. Asks her on dates, tries to find out when she gets off work, asks her personal questions that she doesn't want to answer. She's friendly, looks the dog over and then politely gets him out of there only for him to come back in a few weeks with, "I think my dog has a heart murmur...?" He's also made inappropriate comments about anal glands which Liz deflects by pretending they are real questions or concerns.

This time he comes in and says he wants to breed his dog and wants her to give the dog a once over. She has asked the front desk staff to direct this guy to the other vet in the office but they think it's all funny to keep this thing going. Whatever. Once again, the guy is back with his dog but he's acting really funny, with a sweaty forehead and looks nervous. She keeps close to the door and he whips out this coffee mug from inside his coat and says, "I want you to test this semen! It's...from my dog! Just test it and see if it's good. If it's good then I'll know my dog is ready to go, you know...go for it!" She's like, "Look, we don't do that but just leave it there and I'll see what my techs can do." She stays close to the door and then darts out.

She asks one of the techs to go in there and get that mug out of there, throw it out and make sure everything is wiped down. Next patient is Jon! They go into the same exam room and she sees that those bastards left the mug there. She can hear them snickering outside the door. Jon, not knowing that he's not the first dipshit to come on to her today (no pun intended) starts in with his clumsy overtures and there's this moment....and she just lets it happen. Just lets him drink whatever the hell is in that mug! Could be dog jizz, could be dude jizz.

It just happens. She is powerless to stop it...so she doesn't.
posted by amanda at 1:40 PM on October 19 [31 favorites]


Now post this over on furaffinity.net and you'll have a bunch of fans in no time!
posted by cjorgensen at 1:45 PM on October 19 [2 favorites]


my name is Jon
and wen its wet
and wen the cat
is at the vet
I haf a drink
I talk to Liz -
I drink it up.
I lik the jizz.
posted by verstegan at 1:47 PM on October 19 [42 favorites]


Can someone explain in an extremely Zizek voice how to believe Davis' explanation is to drink from the mug one's self?
posted by The Gaffer at 1:47 PM on October 19 [5 favorites]


Why is no one talking about my theory that Odie is made of dog semen!?
posted by vorpal bunny at 1:48 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


Technically all dogs are made of dog semen.
posted by Artw at 1:49 PM on October 19 [17 favorites]


It's also obvious Jon has no idea what coffee looks or smells like. Maybe he's been drinking this stuff his entire life and is just now realizing it.
posted by tittergrrl at 2:03 PM on October 19 [3 favorites]


all dogs are made of dog semen

The sleeper Don Bluth classic.
posted by jason_steakums at 2:05 PM on October 19 [28 favorites]




The dangerous possibility of humor implicit in Jon's spewing dog-pregnancy-related fluid was luckily blocked by the amazing irrelevance of Garfield going "I HATE PUPPIES!" Whew! Thanks, Jim Davis, for thinking of the sensitivities of any completely humorless readers of the comics page.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 2:25 PM on October 19 [2 favorites]


The great thing about Garfield comics is you can really read deeply into them, and there are myriad delicate levels of nuance and interpretation, and all of them are fucking outrageously boring.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:40 PM on October 19 [17 favorites]


It's the only logical explanation.

Liz is a vet, but she also knows Jon's secret- that he's been pretending to be a male human, but in actuality, he's a female dog wearing a human suit. When Jon drinks the dog hormones, he does a spit take because 1) he's freaked out that someone has figured out his long-hidden secret that he's a female dog, and 2) he's freaked out because if Liz was right about him being a female dog, maybe she's also right about him being pregnant, which would blow the whole lid off his Secret Life Living as a Male Human.

Jon is a pregnant dog, wake up people.
posted by 23skidoo at 3:02 PM on October 19 [9 favorites]


whether Dilbert masturbating is or is not compatible with a strict interpretation of volcel

The font on my iPhone made me keep reading this as "voicei" with some sort of reverse camel case (I.e., voIceI), but I now understand that it's short for "voluntary celibacy" and it has no capitalisation at all, which is at least disappointing and very possibly outrageous.
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:27 PM on October 19


I guess the question is: is volcel inherently nofap?
posted by Artw at 4:17 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


It just happens. She is powerless to stop it...so she doesn't.

I've worked in many animal hospitals, and the math on amanda's theory checks out 100%.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:30 PM on October 19 [2 favorites]


Boy have I got a heck of a specialist subject if I ever get on Mastermind.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:22 PM on October 19 [6 favorites]


Who here will admit to knowing whether or not dog semen is as tasty as a protein shake?

Not everyone is as familiar with the directorial oeuvre of Bobcat Goldthwait as would be optimum.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:16 PM on October 19


why is nobody talking about
jons
sexy
puppy
children

ASKING FOR A FRIEND
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:24 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


jons sexy puppy children

Next sockpuppet account sorted out...
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:02 PM on October 19 [1 favorite]


You can buy a signed copy of this strip with a personalized greeting from Jim Davis.

Other options include a stylish beer stein or even (yes) a coffee mug.
posted by rifflesby at 10:48 PM on October 19 [3 favorites]


I think this is the third time I've dropped by 90 comments into a Garfield thread on MeFi only to find that nobody has yet posted a link to Lasagna Cat.

Incredible.
posted by mikeand1 at 10:58 PM on October 19


Now I'm dying to know whether different mammal semen tastes different (outside the bounds of variation that humans apparently have). But I can't imagine there is anyway to figure that out besides some researcher having sampled a wide variety and just the thought is squicking me out.

Plus I can't figure out a google search that would allow me to find the research if it exists while simultaneously not guaranteeing a reach for the mind bleach.
posted by Mitheral at 11:24 PM on October 19


o great suddenly eeeveryone’s an expert on dog jizz
posted by um at 12:43 AM on October 20 [6 favorites]


20-year old comic

I have some bad news for you about the passage of time. Wait til you hear who's president.


Ronald Reagan?! THE ACTOR?!
posted by littlesq at 1:46 AM on October 20 [14 favorites]


Have anyone ever seen Wally without a mug?
posted by pracowity at 2:52 AM on October 20


Also, drinking semen doesn't get people pregnant regardless of sex

I refer you to the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology: 1988 Sep;95(9):933-4
The patient was a 15-year-old girl employed in a local bar. She was admitted to hospital after a knife fight involving her, a former lover and a new boyfriend. Who stabbed whom was not quite clear but all three participants in the small war were admitted with knife injuries.

Precisely 278 days later the patient was admitted again to hospital with acute, intermittent abdominal pain.
An emergency lower segment caesarean section was performed under spinal anaesthesia and a live male infant weighing 2800 g was born.

Just before she was stabbed in the abdomen she had practised fellatio with her new boyfriend and was caught in the act by her former lover. The fight with knives ensued.

A plausible explanation for this pregnancy is that spermatozoa gained access to the reproductive organs via the injured gastrointestinal tract.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:33 AM on October 20 [5 favorites]


Other options include a stylish beer stein or even (yes) a coffee mug.

You can even get it customized. Please do not @ me about my name.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:06 AM on October 20 [2 favorites]


A plausible explanation for this pregnancy is that spermatozoa gained access to the reproductive organs via the injured gastrointestinal tract.

Now I may not be a British obstetrician from 30 years ago, but off the top of my head I can think of a few other more plausible ways in which a sexually active 15 year old girl might become impregnated.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 5:43 AM on October 20 [8 favorites]


Oh no. I think I edited too quickly and missed the kicker.
let me elaborate...
Inspection of the vulva showed no vagina, only a shallow skin dimple was present below the external urethral meatus and between the labia minora.
The patient was well aware of the fact that she had no vagina and she had started oral experiments after disappointing attempts at conventional intercourse.

posted by Just this guy, y'know at 5:52 AM on October 20 [7 favorites]


This mug, it vibrates?
posted by nubs at 6:14 AM on October 20


Wait, is he saying "have a cup of coffee, Jon" to himself? So she isn't even offering it?
posted by Emmy Rae at 7:08 AM on October 20 [1 favorite]


Yes, he is smarmily indicating that she SHOULD have offered it to him, but her not having done so will not stop him from accepting the phantom offer. In reprints they could just skip the dialog and put him in a fedora.
posted by solotoro at 7:27 AM on October 20 [4 favorites]


Def 100% dog jizz.
posted by Artw at 7:28 AM on October 20 [1 favorite]


I think this is the third time I've dropped by 90 comments into a Garfield thread on MeFi only to find that nobody has yet posted a link to Lasagna Cat

We were just waiting for you to post it. What took you so long?
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:16 AM on October 20


The part that still kinda blows my mind is that you can be all "Hi Mr. Davis, I'm a reporter from Buzzfeed and I'd like to ask you a few questions about Jon Arbuckle drinking dog semen" and Davis is just super game to get into it. James Robert Davis, total professional.
posted by jason_steakums at 8:18 AM on October 20 [9 favorites]


I'd just like to say that this thread was exactly what I really needed today and I love you all.
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:02 AM on October 20 [1 favorite]


Like a steaming hot cup of...?
posted by Artw at 10:01 AM on October 20 [1 favorite]


Come again?
posted by rhizome at 10:24 AM on October 20 [3 favorites]


I'll bet the guy who created Heathcliff (which actually pre-dated Garfield) is kicking himself right now, muttering "If only I had focused on jizz-drinking instead of all that digging through trashcans for fish skeletons and scrapping with neighborhood dogs, I'd be a billionaire right now!"
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:02 AM on October 20 [3 favorites]


Jim Davis is all about the merchandising long game.
posted by Artw at 11:37 AM on October 20


Jim Davis is all about the merchandising long game.

He's milking it.
posted by nubs at 11:38 AM on October 20 [5 favorites]


I'll bet the guy who created Heathcliff (which actually pre-dated Garfield) is kicking himself right now, muttering "If only I had focused on jizz-drinking instead of all that digging through trashcans for fish skeletons and scrapping with neighborhood dogs, I'd be a billionaire right now!"

I think it's clear that whoever's writing for Heathcliff these days is has gone completely round the bend.
posted by Copronymus at 1:34 PM on October 20 [3 favorites]


I think it's clear that whoever's writing for Heathcliff these days is has gone completely round the bend.

Yeah, that makes no sense. Are we supposed to believe Jon is drinking from the narwhal tank to get his animal semen fix?
posted by nubs at 1:37 PM on October 20


Boy I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
posted by rhizome at 4:05 PM on October 20


It's tea, where the monster who made it put the milk in first. Hence his expression. I know this because I am English.
posted by Wordshore at 5:45 PM on October 20


More likely it's nasty astringent tea instead of lovely robust coffee...hence his expression. I know this because I am sane and rational.
(I kid; I often enjoy a cup of Irish Breakfast sans adulterants. But it was an acquired taste compared to coffee.)
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:01 PM on October 20


There is one funny Garfield comic and it is from 1979

It is funny. But then Garfield rolls in and shits all over the joke. That cat is humour poison.
posted by howfar at 5:02 AM on October 21


Someone has never check out the hanging giblets on a St. Bernard!

From what I hear they're the dog's bollocks!
posted by traveler_ at 11:10 AM on October 21


Essential reporting: War Rocket Ajax - The Garfest Report
posted by Artw at 11:27 AM on October 21 [1 favorite]


Wordshore: "It's tea, where the monster who made it put the milk in first. Hence his expression. I know this because I am English."

You are George Orwell, and I collect my five pounds.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:17 PM on October 22


I think it's clear that whoever's writing for Heathcliff these days is has gone completely round the bend.

Heathcliff went surreal a few years ago and it's been delightful.
posted by Spatch at 9:23 AM on October 23 [3 favorites]


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