Better than tiger urine

October 18, 2018 9:14 AM

Calvin Klein's "Obsession" for Men could be used as lure to catch a dangerous man-eating tiger in India. The cologne's ability to attract tigers was discovered in an experiment at the Bronx Zoo in 2003.

Title via this bit from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

posted by numaner (39 comments total)

This explains Calvin and Hobbes....
posted by Pendragon at 9:18 AM on October 18, 2018 [15 favorites]

If you want to get away from a charging tiger, just spray some Escape.
posted by dr_dank at 9:23 AM on October 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

We were at our local zoo once, super early, and were the first people in front of one of the big cat exhibits. My husband turned to me and said "why does it smell like the early 90's here?" The keeper told us that those particular cats were fond of Drakkar Noir, and that they sprayed it as an "enrichment" for them.
(I don't remember if it was the panthers or leopards, and our online zoo map is shite. Bah.)
posted by librarianamy at 9:24 AM on October 18, 2018 [15 favorites]

“I also tried using tiger urine but CK gave me better results.”

Words to live by, my friends.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:25 AM on October 18, 2018 [10 favorites]

This explains Calvin and Hobbes....
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
posted by terrapin at 9:28 AM on October 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

The key ingredient is a synthetic version of the musk secreted by the civet, a small nocturnal mammal whose glandular liquid is prized for its powerful aroma.

Ah yes, the same animal famous for pooping delicious coffee beans.
posted by hopeless romantique at 9:28 AM on October 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne. It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries. Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
Ron Burgundy: It’s quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It’s a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.

So apparently this is real?
posted by GuyZero at 9:32 AM on October 18, 2018 [19 favorites]

this shameful attack on my fledgling tiger urine business will not go unnoticed
posted by poffin boffin at 9:33 AM on October 18, 2018 [8 favorites]

Also in case you thought the title of the article was the most astonishing thing about it, allow me to direct your attention to this paragraph:

Rangers have thrown significant resources into their attempts to capture the animal. One of five elephants brought in to try to corral the big cat reportedly went rogue last week and trampled through a nearby village, killing a woman.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:33 AM on October 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

The Best Part of Wakin' Up
Is Civet Poop in Your Cup
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:35 AM on October 18, 2018 [5 favorites]

This thread is giving me sensory flashbacks to my junior high athletics locker room and I am NOT here for it
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:45 AM on October 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

Different kind of cup.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:47 AM on October 18, 2018 [8 favorites]

i want a job where proposed legitimate solutions to serious problems include "what if we got elephants"
posted by poffin boffin at 9:50 AM on October 18, 2018 [32 favorites]

Obsession contains civet musk, so, um, yeah.

That’s one of the reasons it reeks of cat piss.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:51 AM on October 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: it reeks of cat piss
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:52 AM on October 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

If you want to get away from a charging tiger, just spray some Escape.

If you're backed into a corner, though, you'll have to stand and fight with some Axe.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:55 AM on October 18, 2018 [7 favorites]

Huh. Calvin Klein's Obsession gives me a skull splitting headache almost instantly. Like one good whiff and I get a bolt of stabbing pain from the top of my head right down one side and low grade migraine precursor symptoms for the rest of the day.

This is part of why I am not an office drone or a tiger apparently.

Or maybe tigers have the same reaction and just want to end it?
posted by srboisvert at 9:56 AM on October 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

The power of Obsession to lure big cats was first established by experiments at Bronx zoo in New York in 2003. The key ingredient is a synthetic version of the musk secreted by the civet, a small nocturnal mammal whose glandular liquid is prized for its powerful aroma.

Hey sexy people, I just doused myself in secretions from a big racoon-cat . Who wants to get down.

This could totally be a James Bond sequence. Someone spritzes him with cologne and he has to escape from man eating tigers.
posted by Query at 9:57 AM on October 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

Two civets, one cup....of delicious coffee!
posted by briank at 9:58 AM on October 18, 2018 [5 favorites]

We were at our local zoo once, super early, and were the first people in front of one of the big cat exhibits. My husband turned to me and said "why does it smell like the early 90's here?" The keeper told us that those particular cats were fond of Drakkar Noir, and that they sprayed it as an "enrichment" for them.

At Lincoln Park Zoo if you want to see the big cats perk right up let them see a small hapless toddler standing by themselves. Those beasts perk right up when they see defenseless delicious fatty appetizers. It's one of those times when see the full on evil side of nature.
posted by srboisvert at 10:01 AM on October 18, 2018 [14 favorites]

being hungry isn't evil
posted by poffin boffin at 10:10 AM on October 18, 2018 [33 favorites]

Whenever I see this factoid repeated it makes me think that if Sterling Archer knew this, it'd be the cologne he'd wear, what with his obsession with big cats (and slightly smaller cats, poor Babou).
posted by fiercecupcake at 10:20 AM on October 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

This explains Calvin and Hobbes....

I thought Calvin used a tuna sandwich
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:23 AM on October 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

Who among us hasn't fought off hunger pangs at the sight of a small hapless toddler?!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:27 AM on October 18, 2018 [14 favorites]

I just want to eat them up!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 10:58 AM on October 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

i have it on good authority that obsession smells amazing on me so does this mean tiger urine would also smell great?
posted by asteria at 11:22 AM on October 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

Calvin Klein's "Obsession" for Men could be used as lure to catch a dangerous man-eating tiger in India

Please support my Kickstarter to bring the tiger to North America and give him a taste for AXE.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:43 AM on October 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

If we convince people that free-range tiger urine is classy and sexy, we may be able to preserve them and their habitat....
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:48 AM on October 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

Came in for the Anchorman references, was not disappointed!
posted by triggerfinger at 12:51 PM on October 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

i have it on good authority that obsession smells amazing on me so does this mean tiger urine would also smell great?

it would not smell as great, at least to tigers.
posted by numaner at 1:07 PM on October 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

So this is like a deconstructed turducken, I guess. The ultimate aphrodisiac appears to be toddler passed through a tiger, with the result then passed through a civet. Did I miss any steps?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:28 PM on October 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

So, I was on my buddy's yacht, the "Sexual Shiver"-- you won't find it on any ship registry, but of course that's the point-- and he told me about this remarkable new service. Apparently they have this whole stable of civets fed exclusively on arabica, and what they do is they send a gig economy worker to your house before you wake up, and they bring a civet and stand over your bed and the first time you yawn-- before you open your eyes, even-- they squeeze the civet and it poops coffee beans directly into your mouth. Wakes you right the fuck up, he says. He offered to send a guy over so I can give it a try. I'm thinking about it!

Anyway I told him about the tiger thing, and he says he'll try it next time he's at his menagerie. Could be cool.
posted by phooky at 1:46 PM on October 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

How does it work on cougars?
posted by metasarah at 2:15 PM on October 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

Would Lynx body spray also work?
posted by acb at 3:40 PM on October 18, 2018

Might attract Bobcat Goldthwait.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:47 PM on October 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

The ultimate aphrodisiac appears to be toddler passed through a tiger, with the result then passed through a civet. Did I miss any steps?

3. ???
4. Profit!
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:12 PM on October 18, 2018

OK. Serious question. Does anyone know what it is that the tigers are responding to? Somewhere someone in the labs where they make these things must know.
posted by treblekicker at 6:35 AM on October 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Civet musk or the musk extract of some other prey animal.
posted by GuyZero at 7:36 AM on October 19, 2018

i have it on good authority that obsession smells amazing on me so does this mean tiger urine would also smell great?

I’ve heard good things about Tigress urine by Fabergé.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:00 AM on October 19, 2018