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April 18, 2020 12:17 PM Subscribe
Pope Simulator [YouTube][Game Trailer] “The game begins on Conclave day, when the College of Cardinals elects a new Pope—that's you. You'll begin your reign by choosing a coat of arms, which will apparently impact the course of your papacy, and from there you'll set out to influence the course of the world through the application of "soft power": Organizing pilgrimages, advocating for world peace, moderating conflicts, and otherwise strategically wielding the influence of the Vatican.” [via: PC Gamer]
$10 DLC.
That being said, I'd recommend picking up Crusader Kings II for anyone who wants to really play as Pope. It is the ultimate medieval regicidal soap-opera murder dating sim.
posted by Fizz at 12:27 PM on April 18, 2020 [12 favorites]
That being said, I'd recommend picking up Crusader Kings II for anyone who wants to really play as Pope. It is the ultimate medieval regicidal soap-opera murder dating sim.
posted by Fizz at 12:27 PM on April 18, 2020 [12 favorites]
If it was set in the Middle Ages you could have multiplayer mode.
posted by sukeban at 12:36 PM on April 18, 2020 [33 favorites]
posted by sukeban at 12:36 PM on April 18, 2020 [33 favorites]
What happens if you run this and Cultist Simulator on the same machine?
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:36 PM on April 18, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:36 PM on April 18, 2020 [2 favorites]
Out of my way, I’m gonna ordain some ladies
posted by Countess Elena at 1:01 PM on April 18, 2020 [27 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 1:01 PM on April 18, 2020 [27 favorites]
What happens if you run this and Cultist Simulator on the same machine?
NetHack?
posted by Fizz at 1:02 PM on April 18, 2020 [1 favorite]
NetHack?
posted by Fizz at 1:02 PM on April 18, 2020 [1 favorite]
An accessible strategy game about the application of influence, without the threat of direct military or economic power to back it up
"How many divisions has the Pope?" - Stalin
That said, the idea that the Catholic Church and the Vatican Bank have no economic power is laughable.
posted by nubs at 1:15 PM on April 18, 2020 [2 favorites]
"How many divisions has the Pope?" - Stalin
That said, the idea that the Catholic Church and the Vatican Bank have no economic power is laughable.
posted by nubs at 1:15 PM on April 18, 2020 [2 favorites]
My friends and I batted around a game idea called papal chase a few decades ago, but were to lazy to take it anywhere. I'm going to be delighted to share this with them
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:20 PM on April 18, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:20 PM on April 18, 2020 [3 favorites]
I'd be interested if they add an Antipope Simulator DLC.
posted by SansPoint at 1:34 PM on April 18, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by SansPoint at 1:34 PM on April 18, 2020 [5 favorites]
There's also a "family mode" if you want to be a pope with kids.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:42 PM on April 18, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by wenestvedt at 1:42 PM on April 18, 2020 [1 favorite]
disappointed this isn't dlc for deer simulator or goose simulator or even farm simulator 2019.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:57 PM on April 18, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:57 PM on April 18, 2020 [3 favorites]
When he or you decides to bless the little girl... Creepy... Or realistic, as the case may be.
posted by njohnson23 at 2:15 PM on April 18, 2020 [1 favorite]
Popémon
posted by oulipian at 2:20 PM on April 18, 2020 [26 favorites]
posted by oulipian at 2:20 PM on April 18, 2020 [26 favorites]
What do you think the chances are that this will include Grand Theft Auto style car chases in the pope mobile?
*fingers crossed*
posted by hoodrich at 2:31 PM on April 18, 2020 [5 favorites]
*fingers crossed*
posted by hoodrich at 2:31 PM on April 18, 2020 [5 favorites]
Oh! Is there an option to exhume the previous Pope and put them on trial?
posted by SansPoint at 2:36 PM on April 18, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by SansPoint at 2:36 PM on April 18, 2020 [5 favorites]
Oh! Is there an option to exhume the previous Pope and put them on trial?
I would totally play a pope simulator that included all of the totally batshit pope antics that have happened in the history of the Catholic church.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 2:53 PM on April 18, 2020 [9 favorites]
I would totally play a pope simulator that included all of the totally batshit pope antics that have happened in the history of the Catholic church.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 2:53 PM on April 18, 2020 [9 favorites]
Step 1: Hand up your pants. Just to check.
posted by biffa at 3:21 PM on April 18, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by biffa at 3:21 PM on April 18, 2020 [2 favorites]
It was the article about this that led me to discover that there's an "I am Jesus Christ" game, "a realistic sim where you fight Satan".
I have, to this point, been unaware of the entire genre of religious simulation games, and it might be enough to drag me back into gaming...
posted by straw at 3:25 PM on April 18, 2020
I have, to this point, been unaware of the entire genre of religious simulation games, and it might be enough to drag me back into gaming...
posted by straw at 3:25 PM on April 18, 2020
Would only play this if it were part of a “Fisherman and his Wife” DLC pack for Animal Crossing.
or if I could get a Cherry Coke Zero. who am I kidding
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:41 PM on April 18, 2020
or if I could get a Cherry Coke Zero. who am I kidding
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:41 PM on April 18, 2020
i think you all would be glad to hear that i've just invented a zen patriarch simulator
first, unplug your computer, removing the battery if necessary
second, i'll get back to you on that
posted by pyramid termite at 5:44 PM on April 18, 2020 [2 favorites]
first, unplug your computer, removing the battery if necessary
second, i'll get back to you on that
posted by pyramid termite at 5:44 PM on April 18, 2020 [2 favorites]
I'm tired enough to have misread this as "Pope stimulator" and should probably go for a walk.
posted by doctornemo at 5:46 PM on April 18, 2020 [7 favorites]
posted by doctornemo at 5:46 PM on April 18, 2020 [7 favorites]
A game that I would actually play, though it would have a target audience of about four people worldwide, would be a Pope Simulator set in the era of the Council of Chalcedon.
This was when Christological figures warred with each other over the nature of Christ -- or, specifically, whether he was of a single nature or of two natures before or after his incarnation within Mary. Various churches were of quite different minds on this notion, and while it may be a seemingly minor theological point of debate at the time, this was heresy territory back in those times. So you have influence gathering and peddling amongst the churches attending said council, background intrigue, bands of monks ready and willing to go out on the street and kick the living batshit out of the heretics and unbelievers...
posted by delfin at 5:55 PM on April 18, 2020 [9 favorites]
This was when Christological figures warred with each other over the nature of Christ -- or, specifically, whether he was of a single nature or of two natures before or after his incarnation within Mary. Various churches were of quite different minds on this notion, and while it may be a seemingly minor theological point of debate at the time, this was heresy territory back in those times. So you have influence gathering and peddling amongst the churches attending said council, background intrigue, bands of monks ready and willing to go out on the street and kick the living batshit out of the heretics and unbelievers...
posted by delfin at 5:55 PM on April 18, 2020 [9 favorites]
A game that I would actually play, though it would have a target audience of about four people worldwide, would be a Pope Simulator set in the era of the Council of Chalcedon.
IIRC there's actually a sort of card game like this, where the object is to negotiate with the other players and end up with the table accepting a set of doctrines that includes your (secret) set of core principles. I've never played it, though.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:55 PM on April 18, 2020
IIRC there's actually a sort of card game like this, where the object is to negotiate with the other players and end up with the table accepting a set of doctrines that includes your (secret) set of core principles. I've never played it, though.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:55 PM on April 18, 2020
Ooh, that last bit of the trailer might be implying something I'd been wondering about - the inclusion of the Pope's role as the voice of God.
posted by BiggerJ at 7:19 PM on April 18, 2020
posted by BiggerJ at 7:19 PM on April 18, 2020
No strength build? I really want to slay the enemies of Jesus with my papal ferula.
posted by Dumsnill at 10:45 PM on April 18, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Dumsnill at 10:45 PM on April 18, 2020 [1 favorite]
All this love for Chalcedon, and nothing for Nicaea?
posted by Chrysostom at 10:54 PM on April 18, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by Chrysostom at 10:54 PM on April 18, 2020 [5 favorites]
Pope Francis seems to be a better player than any of his recent predecessors.
posted by fairmettle at 11:26 PM on April 18, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by fairmettle at 11:26 PM on April 18, 2020 [1 favorite]
IIRC there's actually a sort of card game like this, where the object is to negotiate with the other players and end up with the table accepting a set of doctrines that includes your (secret) set of core principles. I've never played it, though.
Are you thinking of Reigns? If not, it has similar vibes.
posted by Fizz at 6:08 AM on April 19, 2020 [1 favorite]
Are you thinking of Reigns? If not, it has similar vibes.
posted by Fizz at 6:08 AM on April 19, 2020 [1 favorite]
Anti-popes are always fun:
"Baldassare Cossa, who now joined the papal throng under the name of John XXIII, was widely believed at the time to have poisoned his predecessor. Whether he actually did so is open to doubt. He had, however, unquestionably begun life as a pirate; and a pirate, essentially, he remained. Morally and spiritually, he reduced the Papacy to a level of depravity unknown since the days of the pornocracy in the tenth century. A contemporary chronicler records in shocked amazement the rumor current in Bologna—where Cossa had been papal legate—that during his time there he had seduced two hundred matrons, widows, and virgins, to say nothing of an alarming number of nuns. His score over the three following years is regrettably not recorded; he seems, however, to have maintained a respectable average, for on May 29, 1415, he was arraigned before another General Council, meeting this time at Constance, the only such council ever to be held north of the Alps."
Absolute Monarchs, John Julius Norwich
"The more scandalous charges were suppressed; the vicar of Christ was accused only of piracy, rape, sodomy, murder and incest."
Rise and Fall, Gibbon
posted by thatwhichfalls at 6:21 AM on April 19, 2020 [3 favorites]
"Baldassare Cossa, who now joined the papal throng under the name of John XXIII, was widely believed at the time to have poisoned his predecessor. Whether he actually did so is open to doubt. He had, however, unquestionably begun life as a pirate; and a pirate, essentially, he remained. Morally and spiritually, he reduced the Papacy to a level of depravity unknown since the days of the pornocracy in the tenth century. A contemporary chronicler records in shocked amazement the rumor current in Bologna—where Cossa had been papal legate—that during his time there he had seduced two hundred matrons, widows, and virgins, to say nothing of an alarming number of nuns. His score over the three following years is regrettably not recorded; he seems, however, to have maintained a respectable average, for on May 29, 1415, he was arraigned before another General Council, meeting this time at Constance, the only such council ever to be held north of the Alps."
Absolute Monarchs, John Julius Norwich
"The more scandalous charges were suppressed; the vicar of Christ was accused only of piracy, rape, sodomy, murder and incest."
Rise and Fall, Gibbon
posted by thatwhichfalls at 6:21 AM on April 19, 2020 [3 favorites]
Can you intentionally perform the wrong sacraments? Like, show up to a wedding, but perform Holy Orders on the bride-to-be. Then turn to the man and say "you just got cucked by Mother Church, get wrecked noob -- l2p" or something along those lines?
posted by Groundhog Week at 7:12 AM on April 19, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by Groundhog Week at 7:12 AM on April 19, 2020 [5 favorites]
Can you intentionally perform the wrong sacraments? Like, show up to a wedding, but perform Holy Orders on the bride-to-be. Then turn to the man and say "you just got cucked by Mother Church, get wrecked noob -- l2p" or something along those lines?
Pretty sure that's in the Goose Game mod for Pope Simulator.
posted by nubs at 2:26 PM on April 19, 2020 [2 favorites]
Pretty sure that's in the Goose Game mod for Pope Simulator.
posted by nubs at 2:26 PM on April 19, 2020 [2 favorites]
Ah yes, the Council of Constance! Where the Czech visionary/religious reformer/proto-Protestant Jan Hus was invited under Papal safe-conduct to debate his ideas, seized, put on trial as a heretic, promptly burned and his ashes dumped in the river.
I mean, Hus's ideas included that we are all equals before God; that any baptised man or woman should be able to preach and administer Communion in both kinds; and that the Church should not further impoverish the poor by charging money for its services. So maybe turning up to the multi-Pope barbecue-happy debate club wasn't necessarily the best plan ever.
Cue 15 years of Hus's followers being at war with the Pope, during which they saw off 5 Papal crusades in a row. Now where is my Hussite Wars simulator game!? I want to play as Jan Žižka.
posted by Pallas Athena at 2:59 PM on April 19, 2020 [3 favorites]
I mean, Hus's ideas included that we are all equals before God; that any baptised man or woman should be able to preach and administer Communion in both kinds; and that the Church should not further impoverish the poor by charging money for its services. So maybe turning up to the multi-Pope barbecue-happy debate club wasn't necessarily the best plan ever.
Cue 15 years of Hus's followers being at war with the Pope, during which they saw off 5 Papal crusades in a row. Now where is my Hussite Wars simulator game!? I want to play as Jan Žižka.
posted by Pallas Athena at 2:59 PM on April 19, 2020 [3 favorites]
Ah, found it: Credo (card game)
Here's a review by Juli Thompson, and apparently the whole game is available for free download from Board Game Geek
Now I want to play other similarly-titled games, such as Breado (develop a sourdough strain that will not poison and/or intoxicate the other players), Dreado (gain supremacy as a minor Lovecraftian monster over your peers) and Fredo, in which you play one of Donald Trump's sons.
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:31 PM on April 19, 2020 [1 favorite]
Here's a review by Juli Thompson, and apparently the whole game is available for free download from Board Game Geek
Now I want to play other similarly-titled games, such as Breado (develop a sourdough strain that will not poison and/or intoxicate the other players), Dreado (gain supremacy as a minor Lovecraftian monster over your peers) and Fredo, in which you play one of Donald Trump's sons.
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:31 PM on April 19, 2020 [1 favorite]
thatwhichfalls: "Rise and Fall, Gibbon"
Decline and Fall.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:25 PM on April 19, 2020 [3 favorites]
Decline and Fall.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:25 PM on April 19, 2020 [3 favorites]
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