The Donald John Trump Presidential Library

November 12, 2020 8:07 AM

The Donald John Trump Presidential Library An excellent satire that expertly melds truth, the whole truth, and a great sense of humour.
posted by parmanparman (44 comments total)

This is fantastic.

I feel like it's a real missed opportunity that the rooftop graveyard isn't also a miniature golf course.
posted by Mchelly at 8:23 AM on November 12, 2020 [6 favorites]

Seems filled with kittens for some reason....
posted by Catblack at 8:26 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

Can't find the pic now, but the version I like is a Little Free Library, made over with some faux glitz a la Trump Tower.
posted by Rash at 8:28 AM on November 12, 2020

Very nicely done.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:29 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

This is fantastic.

It got me thinking, though: there is going to be a Trump library somewhere. It'll probably be a joint venture with some evangelical institute, maybe Liberty University. It'll have some of his greasy artifacts, maybe even a used Diet Coke can, together with a whole lot of alternate-universe nonsense and the books to match, maybe with some caselaw reporter shelves to make it look S-M-R-T. Perhaps it will become an anti-attraction for snarkers, like the Creation Museum.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:43 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]

The real thing will have so much grift and corner-cutting involved that it will collapse of its own accord or else go up in flames.
posted by jabah at 8:48 AM on November 12, 2020 [6 favorites]

It got me thinking, though: there is going to be a Trump library somewhere

Tr*mp has already snubbed many other conventions and standard practices of the US Presidency. I see no reason that he would not spurn the creation of a presidential library.
posted by hydra77 at 8:49 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

This is wonderful. I wonder instead of a library if it will be some sort of hybrid Trump Library/Trump University/Trump TV - something like "The Trump Learning Center" - which more actively trains minions for him. I mean sure you can make a few bucks off a library as a tourist attraction - but why make a few when you can grift tens of thousands per "student" paying for the right to be part of Trump 2024....and use them as free intern labor to hype up his next run (or Don Jr's). So really I guess the Trump Troll Farm.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 8:50 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]

'It makes sense': the trailer park that could be Trump's presidential library [Grauniad]
posted by chavenet at 9:04 AM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

ADMISSIONS

Adults (Citizens): $25
Adults (Seniors): $10
Adults (Immigrants): $50
Children & Students: free

Not free for some kids.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 9:36 AM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

This is a lot better than the real thing will be.

Tr*mp has already snubbed many other conventions and standard practices of the US Presidency. I see no reason that he would not spurn the creation of a presidential library.

He'll think it's something that glorifies him, and will therefore expect to have it and scream his head off if he's denied it. But he'll have no idea what to put in it other than umpteen copies of The Art of the Deal and a lot of portraits of himself.
posted by orange swan at 9:37 AM on November 12, 2020 [6 favorites]

He'll raise money for it, to be sure. It will go straight into his pocket (or perhaps Putin's or some mob boss he owes) and never be built.
posted by stevis23 at 9:39 AM on November 12, 2020 [5 favorites]

Perhaps the walls will be papered with printouts of all his tweets. There will not be any repeats and there will be rolls of paper left over after all the walls are covered.
posted by CathyG at 10:03 AM on November 12, 2020

The Donald John Trump Presidential Library Total Landscaping.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 10:03 AM on November 12, 2020 [15 favorites]

Reams of blank paper in folders that they claim are print outs his tweets . . . and a trashcan full of Sudafed boxes.
posted by cmfletcher at 10:07 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

Coloring books, porn and a copy of Mein Kampf...
posted by AJaffe at 10:15 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]

A wall, inscribed with the names of his enablers (from Mitch to Flake, from Lorne Michaels to Fallon, all of them), over which the urine from the restrooms flows.
posted by stevis23 at 10:16 AM on November 12, 2020 [7 favorites]

He'll have a presidential theater and all it will do is show clips that flatter him and make his enemies look bad from open to close. You will need to exit through the gift shop.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:17 AM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

I'm also picturing a, like, airport-sports-bar level of televisions.
posted by box at 10:21 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

Presidential 24hr "gentleman's club"
posted by goinWhereTheClimateSuitsMyClothes at 10:28 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]

I imagine there will be some kind of arts and crafts program wherein one can learn how to make a hat out of aluminum foil.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 10:56 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

I like the idea of putting it on the Florida coast because eventually it will be under water.
posted by emjaybee at 11:00 AM on November 12, 2020 [8 favorites]

He'll think it's something that glorifies him, and will therefore expect to have it and scream his head off if he's denied it.

The exterior will probably look like Versailles, had it been designed by Albert Speer. The interior, like Saddam Hussein's presidential palace.
posted by acb at 11:14 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]

This gem in chavanet's link:

"It’s on a barrier island so is a very safe and secure location."

This person has never lived within driving distance of the Atlantic ocean.
posted by cmfletcher at 11:22 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

Reminds me of the joke:

Trump Presidential Library burned down. Both books were lost. Sadly, the President hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.
posted by leotrotsky at 11:50 AM on November 12, 2020 [10 favorites]

He'll raise money for it, to be sure. It will go straight into his pocket (or perhaps Putin's or some mob boss he owes) and never be built.

I’d donate to something more along the lines of a Holocaust museum, ideally with funded scholars studying fascism and hate groups along the same lines as the Southern Poverty Law Center.

I mean, if his most lasting legacy is a nonprofit devoted to destroying his horrible beliefs, I’d be onboard.
posted by leotrotsky at 11:57 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]

The building is all wrong. A statue of him, taller than the Washington Monument, in gold, with a rotating Trump Steaks and Wine restaurant on top, in the forehead I suppose, surrounded by a golf course.
posted by njohnson23 at 12:14 PM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

I have been joking for the past four years that over the entrance should be inscribed the words:
This place is not a place of honor
No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here
Nothing valued is here
posted by ckape at 1:01 PM on November 12, 2020 [13 favorites]

I do this kind of thing for a living and I am blown away at the level of thought and detail that went into this. Amazing.
posted by How the runs scored at 1:02 PM on November 12, 2020 [7 favorites]

What are Trump policy successes I could offer a Trump supporter that they would agree with?

I've actually been considering an Ask Mefi post for this but didn't want it to be chatfilter. It might make its way that way in a January prospectus anyway.

In discussions, I think its important to come up with "3" pros and cons to each candidate, so both sides know the other is reasonable, or at least to start understanding each other. I totally disagree about economic successes (the specific numbers Trump quotes are correct, they're just consistent with the same growth from the previous administration and I don't think the President has control over most economic indiactors anyway), ACA was not repealed (if they see that as a positive thing), he only built 15 miles of new wall (paid for by CBP and future DoD), the US trade deficit with China is actuall larger, he "talked" to N Korea (but that is all, while backing out of the Iran Deal & NATO), etc.

So, the positives I'm come up with are
1) "No new wars" - the bar is low on this one, I'm trying to come up with something, but under Trump I ...think... there has been decreases overall in troop deployment. There have been skirmishes but we haven't seen any extensive expansion of US power abroad.
2) social media coroporation reform - probably the right thing for the wrong reasons, and its kind of "in the air" anyway, but its happening.

Thoughts? Others?
posted by rubatan at 1:10 PM on November 12, 2020

When Nixon left for ""La Casa Pacifica", the Ford folks found boxes of Nixon's stuff to be shipped, chemical burn bags, an unlocked file cabinet and they became inanimate anxiety appendages, legal statis pods. With possible prosecution, before the pardon, FBI was consulted along with WH legal and determined they were Nixon's property and it's location won't affect the WH transition team, imagine Al Haig nervously careening around Nixon's stuff.
posted by clavdivs at 1:37 PM on November 12, 2020

What are Trump policy successes I could offer a Trump supporter that they would agree with?

You and they have different metrics of success. You consider abuse of refugees a failure...
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:38 PM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

So, the positives I'm come up with are
1) "No new wars"
agreed rubatan but I'll venture no new hot war has been averted to some extent by unfettered trade and Executive Bully-brow though global wars continue but his blistering ramage through an established military and diplomatic dynamic to the degree that asymmetrical warfare has increased since President O'bama.
posted by clavdivs at 1:46 PM on November 12, 2020

There was an article on abc.net.au where a recipient of Trump's fundraising emails made an analysis of their content and framing.

I can foresee a time when we no longer refer to spam emails as being from Nigerian princes but former US presidents.

Make America Grift Again
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 2:02 PM on November 12, 2020

'All the President's Spam'?
posted by box at 2:21 PM on November 12, 2020

IIRC, Trump pardoned a deserving woman, with intervention from Kim Kardashian and others. To him, it was a tossed bone, but it is Johnson's life, so there is that.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:55 PM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

What are Trump policy successes I could offer a Trump supporter that they would agree with?

Do “liberal tears” count? Because I'm not sure there's much else.
posted by acb at 3:04 PM on November 12, 2020

There should be a replica of the Access Hollywood bus (just like the Rosa Parks bus at the museum in Memphis) with a Billy Bush statue and an empty seat for you to sit in and pretend to be the most admired, respected man for 70 million Americans.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 6:12 PM on November 12, 2020

I see no reason that he would not spurn the creation of a presidential library.

I sense an opportunity to assist in the matter.
posted by pwnguin at 6:13 PM on November 12, 2020

The Donald John Trump Presidential Library Total Landscaping.

They promised me they'd do a tremendous job. They said they'd build the best fence ever but you'd still be able to see the yard. They did not do a tremendous job. The fence didn't stand for more than a week and now the city is charging me with failing to keep my property to neighbourhood standards.
posted by juiceCake at 8:15 PM on November 12, 2020

Will there be a tanning bed room or a spray booth?
posted by AugustWest at 8:50 PM on November 12, 2020

Thoughts? Others?

He managed to get record numbers of voters to turn out to elect his opponent, despite a pandemic, general social and economic unrest, and attempts to rig the election by way of the postal service and the Supreme Court.

I don't know if that is something a former president would have printed on the walls of their library, but his failure is an accomplishment, in its own way.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 9:05 PM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

He also signed the law establishing the CISA, which is doing a lot of good election rumor control. Coincidentally, the head of the CISA expects to be fired any moment.
posted by ckape at 11:41 AM on November 13, 2020

The Donald J. Trump Presidential Library, Video & Tan
posted by Rhaomi at 7:28 PM on November 13, 2020