Somebody That I Used To Sort-Of Know
January 29, 2021 9:53 AM Subscribe
"Understandably, much of the energy directed toward the problems of pandemic social life has been spent on keeping people tied to their families and closest friends. These other relationships have withered largely unremarked on after the places that hosted them closed. The pandemic has evaporated entire categories of friendship, and by doing so, depleted the joys that make up a human life—and buoy human health. But that does present an opportunity. In the coming months, as we begin to add people back into our lives, we’ll now know what it’s like to be without them."
I was talking with my brother a few weeks ago about this: about how the only interactions that people "staying safe and staying home" get are transactional or results-oriented. And there's no place for stuff that doesn't add value -- and no space for the people who are coasting.
Will anyone actually schedule meetings to bullshit about the Patriots, in order to take the place of standing around the office microwave? Do we set up a Zoom call to take the place of chatter among parents at the back of a Scout meeting? Not me, anyway.
I fear that the folks who do emotional labor won't have a venue for that, and will get frozen out.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:57 AM on January 29, 2021 [14 favorites]
Will anyone actually schedule meetings to bullshit about the Patriots, in order to take the place of standing around the office microwave? Do we set up a Zoom call to take the place of chatter among parents at the back of a Scout meeting? Not me, anyway.
I started hearing these concerns months ago, while writing a story on how working from home affects people’s careers. According to the experts I spoke with, losing the incidental, repeated social interactions that physical workplaces foster can make it especially difficult for young people and new hires to establish themselves within the complex social hierarchy of a workplace. Losing them can make it harder to progress in work as a whole, access development opportunities, and be recognized for your contributions. (After all, no one can see you or what you’re doing.) These kinds of setbacks early in professional life can be especially devastating, because the losses tend to compound—fall behind right out of the gate, and you’re more likely to stay there.When everything is work-related, then everything revolves around work's bottom line. And if you are a weaker team member at work in concrete terms, there's fewer or no chances for you to make it up with soft skills. For example, in the past the person whose jokes bring the group together didn't have to deliver as many results as a grinder who's no fun, because they were valuable for something that didn't show up on the bottom line. Same for the person who remembered birthdays, or organized office holiday potlucks.
I fear that the folks who do emotional labor won't have a venue for that, and will get frozen out.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:57 AM on January 29, 2021 [14 favorites]
Also, I miss the people who I bought coffee from: they were nice to say Hi to, because such a lightweight relationship meant that when we talked we always traded a joke, and never burdened each other with heavy stuff. When I live and work with my family 24/7, there's nothing "zero stakes" ever. I only have those throw-away conversations with grocery store clerks now, and only maybe once a week.
I used to love randomly complimenting service people for meaningless things, and now I have to, what, tell the dog that I like his bark?
posted by wenestvedt at 11:00 AM on January 29, 2021 [11 favorites]
I used to love randomly complimenting service people for meaningless things, and now I have to, what, tell the dog that I like his bark?
posted by wenestvedt at 11:00 AM on January 29, 2021 [11 favorites]
This:
posted by y2karl at 11:03 AM on January 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
All of the researchers I spoke with were hopeful that this extended pause would give people a deeper understanding of just how vital friendships of all types are to our well-being, and how all the people around us contribute to our lives—even if they occupy positions that the country’s culture doesn’t respect very much, such as service workers or store clerks. “My hope is that people will realize that there’s more people in their social networks that matter and provide some kind of value than just those few people that you spend time with, and have probably managed to keep up with during the break,” Sandstrom said. America, even before the pandemic, was a lonely country. It doesn’t have to be. The end of our isolation could be the beginning of some beautiful friendships.Often I speak to people I meet in the street -- if not to them, than to their dogs -- sometimes to their annoyance but more often to their delight. The same is true for people who work in the stores where I shop. I have made true friends in the process. I highly recommend it. People matter.
posted by y2karl at 11:03 AM on January 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
I used to get breakfast almost everyday from the Beverly Hills Market and Deli which is the best breakfast in that godforsaken town and it's family owned and the people there recognized my voice when I called in my order and I didn't get to say good bye. They're just gone from my life forever.
I also realized the other day that for a few years I ate pretty much the exact same thing for breakfast everyday, and currently the idea of cooking eggs for the second time this week almost makes me cry. I want novelty of my day to come from what dumb shit clients want, or bumping into a random acquaintance at the bar, and not only from having something different for breakfast.
posted by Uncle at 11:30 AM on January 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
I also realized the other day that for a few years I ate pretty much the exact same thing for breakfast everyday, and currently the idea of cooking eggs for the second time this week almost makes me cry. I want novelty of my day to come from what dumb shit clients want, or bumping into a random acquaintance at the bar, and not only from having something different for breakfast.
posted by Uncle at 11:30 AM on January 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
This article quantifies a feeling of “brokenness” for me, but in the opposite way that I think was intended - all of those casual interactions are the things that fill me with (social anxiety-driven) dread. The last year has been awful in so many ways, but I’m so grateful that at least I didn’t have to deal with being social on top of it. It’s nice, I guess, to have an article to point to and say “yes! This!”, only backwards, I suppose?
posted by okayokayigive at 11:56 AM on January 29, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by okayokayigive at 11:56 AM on January 29, 2021 [12 favorites]
I feel heard, but as an extrovert, I've known precisely this about myself for years.
(I'm in close touch--phone calls, zooms, regular texts/emails-- with roughly 3 or 4 times the number of friends I was pre-Pandemic, some of them truly just acquaintances. And I tried to send all of my favorite bartenders a note and holiday tip, despite)
posted by thivaia at 12:10 PM on January 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
(I'm in close touch--phone calls, zooms, regular texts/emails-- with roughly 3 or 4 times the number of friends I was pre-Pandemic, some of them truly just acquaintances. And I tried to send all of my favorite bartenders a note and holiday tip, despite)
posted by thivaia at 12:10 PM on January 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
There was a rhythm to my life. My neighbor I see throwing the trash away as I leave for work. The middle-aged cashier at my gas station who shares a laugh with me whenever I put my can of liquid caffeine upside-down on the counter. My mailman making his rounds when I come home. The Russian accountant who takes personal calls in the hallway because she thinks no one in the office speaks Russian. I danced along to this music for years, soaking in the world around me and not realizing how important those weak links to other people were to me.
Now, those rhythms are half-remembered, like a bedtime song ,y grandmother sang to me thirty years ago. I can remember the tune, but I hum half the words.
posted by gwydapllew at 12:14 PM on January 29, 2021 [16 favorites]
Now, those rhythms are half-remembered, like a bedtime song ,y grandmother sang to me thirty years ago. I can remember the tune, but I hum half the words.
posted by gwydapllew at 12:14 PM on January 29, 2021 [16 favorites]
Another thing I've been thinking a lot about is diversity and being exposed to different cultures and ethnicities and languages, and how that happens a lot for me in the loose/weak tie area. The tiny number of people I've kept in close touch with over the pandemic has been mostly (not all) homogenous, mostly family and longtime friends whose communication styles/ability to stay in touch match mine. Church, work, gym buddies, community meetings, neighbors, stores, arts events, public readings -- activities where I might brush shoulders with people from different walks of life, hear stories from different life views, be pulled out of my head a little, are all out.
posted by rogerroger at 2:09 PM on January 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by rogerroger at 2:09 PM on January 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
My brother asked the other day whether I knew anyone who has had COVID, and I was like, "no, but also...I don't...know anyone, anymore." If you're not in my immediate family, or one of my coworkers, I probably haven't talked* to you in almost a year. Probably a TON of the people I spent time with prior to 2020 have had COVID, but I never heard about it, and probably never will.
*I have probably checked your facebook or instagram but folks don't always put their health info on the sosh meeds
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:18 PM on January 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
*I have probably checked your facebook or instagram but folks don't always put their health info on the sosh meeds
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:18 PM on January 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
I've paired the pandemic with new parenting. And I've realised I don't have many close friends at all. Good article, thanks for sharing.
posted by freethefeet at 2:48 PM on January 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by freethefeet at 2:48 PM on January 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
ditto with what okayokayigive said. I don't want to be like... IDK... bragging? Or. Maybe I just look in bewilderment. I don't quite get it. Except everything people seem to crave just exhausts me. All that energy spent dealing with other humans.
It's not that I don't appreciate it. I do go to the convenience store now and then and it's nice to get out and say hi to people in the neighborhood (in your neighborhood. In your neighborhood....)
But I don't have this undying craving or need? I know it's not healthy in some sense. Getting out and about is important. The one actual important local connection who isn't my roommate that I want to keep in touch with I've feel out of contact with more than I'd like, long before the pandemic. The pandemic made it worse, and now that he in theory has time after quitting his shitty job, the pandemic is in the way, but then he's going to school, so whatever. Just easier to not give a fuck and learn to live with my little "family" (2 roomies), as I have for a decade now.
I don't know if I'm glad I don't understand y'alls angst or not. I wish I could empathize, but I've got my own angst to deal with so, I guess sorry the pandemic ruins it for you. I'm just glad I don't have to hear stompy neighbors nearly as much as I used to, hooting at a stupid sports game.
posted by symbioid at 3:21 PM on January 29, 2021 [8 favorites]
It's not that I don't appreciate it. I do go to the convenience store now and then and it's nice to get out and say hi to people in the neighborhood (in your neighborhood. In your neighborhood....)
But I don't have this undying craving or need? I know it's not healthy in some sense. Getting out and about is important. The one actual important local connection who isn't my roommate that I want to keep in touch with I've feel out of contact with more than I'd like, long before the pandemic. The pandemic made it worse, and now that he in theory has time after quitting his shitty job, the pandemic is in the way, but then he's going to school, so whatever. Just easier to not give a fuck and learn to live with my little "family" (2 roomies), as I have for a decade now.
I don't know if I'm glad I don't understand y'alls angst or not. I wish I could empathize, but I've got my own angst to deal with so, I guess sorry the pandemic ruins it for you. I'm just glad I don't have to hear stompy neighbors nearly as much as I used to, hooting at a stupid sports game.
posted by symbioid at 3:21 PM on January 29, 2021 [8 favorites]
I'm just glad I don't have to hear stompy neighbors nearly as much as I used to, hooting at a stupid sports game.
Did they....die of COVID? I've just never heard anyone mention "my neighbors stopped walking around their home" as a pandemic perk. If anything I have heard so much more of my neighbors and all of their stomps (and myriad other noises) now that nobody is allowed to leave their apartments ever.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:31 PM on January 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
Did they....die of COVID? I've just never heard anyone mention "my neighbors stopped walking around their home" as a pandemic perk. If anything I have heard so much more of my neighbors and all of their stomps (and myriad other noises) now that nobody is allowed to leave their apartments ever.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:31 PM on January 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
I wish I could empathize, but I've got my own angst to deal with so, I guess sorry the pandemic ruins it for you
What I liked about this initial post and the discussion around it was a place to explore the pandemic's negative effects on peripheral social ties. Implying that people who feel negatively affected by the loss of social ties are weird feels like a derail.
posted by rogerroger at 3:43 PM on January 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
What I liked about this initial post and the discussion around it was a place to explore the pandemic's negative effects on peripheral social ties. Implying that people who feel negatively affected by the loss of social ties are weird feels like a derail.
posted by rogerroger at 3:43 PM on January 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
I used to get breakfast almost everyday from the Beverly Hills Market and Deli which is the best breakfast in that godforsaken town and it's family owned and the people there recognized my voice when I called in my order and I didn't get to say good bye.
YESSSSS oh my god, so much this. In the beforetimes when a beloved institution closed, there was a whole ritual around it! They'd announce that alas, after X years they were closing their doors, please come by for a last round/show/meal. Then all of the regulars would make an extra point of heading over, eating and drinking their own favorite/special orders, saying goodbye and finding out where all of their favorite staff members were going next, and taking pictures of themselves and their friends in their favorite booths.
Now all of these places are just gone, without warning, the staff scattered to the winds with no forwarding information, no way to memorialize what they meant to you.
I keep thinking about the restaurant owner who wrote me a card when my cat died, the server who sat down in the booth with us to talk about his father's recovery from a heart attack, the bartender who rejoiced openly when he realized two of his regulars had started dating...you don't keep in touch with these folks outside of going to the place, because the going is the keeping-in-touch.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 4:18 PM on January 29, 2021 [18 favorites]
YESSSSS oh my god, so much this. In the beforetimes when a beloved institution closed, there was a whole ritual around it! They'd announce that alas, after X years they were closing their doors, please come by for a last round/show/meal. Then all of the regulars would make an extra point of heading over, eating and drinking their own favorite/special orders, saying goodbye and finding out where all of their favorite staff members were going next, and taking pictures of themselves and their friends in their favorite booths.
Now all of these places are just gone, without warning, the staff scattered to the winds with no forwarding information, no way to memorialize what they meant to you.
I keep thinking about the restaurant owner who wrote me a card when my cat died, the server who sat down in the booth with us to talk about his father's recovery from a heart attack, the bartender who rejoiced openly when he realized two of his regulars had started dating...you don't keep in touch with these folks outside of going to the place, because the going is the keeping-in-touch.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 4:18 PM on January 29, 2021 [18 favorites]
I miss my coworker buddy who got moved to a different work group, our work never overlaps, and she's barely talked to me since the pandemic started. Like, twice. I briefly got hopes up when she got permanently hired here (so maybe I'll see her again someday) and she led me on that she might talk to me again and then well, did not follow up or respond when I tried. SIGH.
I feel like complete shit every time I have to run away and avoid other humans in public. I make my neighbors (the ones that I know, anyway) feel like shit when I keep far away or just don't come out. I briefly went out to get mail today and had to back far, far away because (a) someone else came out to get the mail, and (b) a random kid was running around. Both had masks on, but these days you have to literally AVOID EVERYONE. I feel bad that I've disappeared on my neighbor sorta-buddy since the agoraphobia + bad weather has come back and I'm not coming outside any more.
I miss the group I hung out with at karaoke. God knows I didn't exactly get anyone's full names and I fear the bar will close for good by the time the pandemic ends, if it EVER ends. I miss my theater people, even the ones I didn't hang out with as much.
Some folks have continued to stay in touch or got re-in-touch again, and I'm grateful. But I keep wondering who's going to be gone forever, just because of this and that they're "in person" friends or what I call "circumstantial friends" because they're only your friend if you're in the same vicinity and they don't talk to you online/phone otherwise.
This is all horrendously depressing.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:37 PM on January 29, 2021 [7 favorites]
I feel like complete shit every time I have to run away and avoid other humans in public. I make my neighbors (the ones that I know, anyway) feel like shit when I keep far away or just don't come out. I briefly went out to get mail today and had to back far, far away because (a) someone else came out to get the mail, and (b) a random kid was running around. Both had masks on, but these days you have to literally AVOID EVERYONE. I feel bad that I've disappeared on my neighbor sorta-buddy since the agoraphobia + bad weather has come back and I'm not coming outside any more.
I miss the group I hung out with at karaoke. God knows I didn't exactly get anyone's full names and I fear the bar will close for good by the time the pandemic ends, if it EVER ends. I miss my theater people, even the ones I didn't hang out with as much.
Some folks have continued to stay in touch or got re-in-touch again, and I'm grateful. But I keep wondering who's going to be gone forever, just because of this and that they're "in person" friends or what I call "circumstantial friends" because they're only your friend if you're in the same vicinity and they don't talk to you online/phone otherwise.
This is all horrendously depressing.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:37 PM on January 29, 2021 [7 favorites]
(accidentally mashed the screen earlier. Will try a longer comment)
I am so desperately lonely.
I use online communities, pouring my empathy and helpfulness into various r-slashes on reddit, hoping to see that little red notification dot. Being crushed when my own forum posts and questions are ignored. The relationship capital you pour into a place like Reddit isn't like doing the same in a community- there is a continuous deluge of new people who just want their question answered, and who aren't there for the community.
Metafilter is a little better with metatalktails - I feel like I am getting to know regulars but also with a baby and timezones I feel like by the time I can get to posting (I'm hacking this out on mobile currently but I prefer computer) the conversation has moved on and lately I have not bothered adding my 2 cents.
And my baby is awake again so I'll have to leave this comment here. I might come back.
posted by freethefeet at 9:14 PM on January 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
I am so desperately lonely.
I use online communities, pouring my empathy and helpfulness into various r-slashes on reddit, hoping to see that little red notification dot. Being crushed when my own forum posts and questions are ignored. The relationship capital you pour into a place like Reddit isn't like doing the same in a community- there is a continuous deluge of new people who just want their question answered, and who aren't there for the community.
Metafilter is a little better with metatalktails - I feel like I am getting to know regulars but also with a baby and timezones I feel like by the time I can get to posting (I'm hacking this out on mobile currently but I prefer computer) the conversation has moved on and lately I have not bothered adding my 2 cents.
And my baby is awake again so I'll have to leave this comment here. I might come back.
posted by freethefeet at 9:14 PM on January 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
not to catastrophize, but.. what if the thing mutates just enough to make normal-ish life come back... but not so normal to make these interactions worth it for many? multiple times a year booster shots, uneven takeup, disparate impacts, emotional/social effects... could lead to a lot of big societal changes, even for a whole generation, not just a few years.
posted by wibari at 10:35 PM on January 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by wibari at 10:35 PM on January 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
This thread really helps me see how utterly alien I am. I talk to one person for four hours a week and I don't look forward to that, and one other person for one hour because she's my counselor. I live in a space that's got to be under 500 square feet, and I never leave it. I've been out of work for years. I've jumped on all the newly available delivery options to eliminate the burden of meaningless transactional niceties, and while I can't say I'm particularly happy, I'm no more miserable than I ever have been. The oddest part is, I just got through a year of testing that says I'm not on the autism spectrum. I'm just...not human, I guess.
posted by darksasami at 10:59 PM on January 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by darksasami at 10:59 PM on January 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
Another thing about the pandemic with social circles- I have found out how people really think through social media. I can't go back to my antivaxer qanon possibly white supremacist fitness person, but I'm really missing the social interaction of the classes at the gym.
I'm also just really disappointed with how people bend the rules and would ask us to bend the rules. I feel like this has really soured some friendships.
So yeah, I'm not casually seeing people around as much, and when I am I just feel like I'm not wanting those relationships anymore.
posted by freethefeet at 12:42 AM on January 30, 2021 [4 favorites]
I'm also just really disappointed with how people bend the rules and would ask us to bend the rules. I feel like this has really soured some friendships.
So yeah, I'm not casually seeing people around as much, and when I am I just feel like I'm not wanting those relationships anymore.
posted by freethefeet at 12:42 AM on January 30, 2021 [4 favorites]
Implying that people who feel negatively affected by the loss of social ties are weird feels like a derail.
Unfair and unkind, that's not what they said.
posted by stevil at 8:03 AM on January 30, 2021 [4 favorites]
Unfair and unkind, that's not what they said.
posted by stevil at 8:03 AM on January 30, 2021 [4 favorites]
not to catastrophize, but.. what if
that's why I got my affairs in order at the start of all this. Ain't hangin' round for any of that shit, for sure.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:27 AM on January 30, 2021
that's why I got my affairs in order at the start of all this. Ain't hangin' round for any of that shit, for sure.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:27 AM on January 30, 2021
I'm really concerned what with all the variants that we really never will be able to safely come out of our homes without stress again. Like we almost had hope to get over this, but....
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:54 AM on January 30, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:54 AM on January 30, 2021 [1 favorite]
I switched jobs partway through the pandemic and now don't even really have work friends to talk to. Doing my best to maintain the relationships I still have, but it really is starting to get a little weird. I'm someone who tends to have a lot of casual friends in addition to a core, and now even maintaining that core is actually quite a bit of work. The casual friends? Who knows.
posted by aspersioncast at 1:21 PM on January 30, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by aspersioncast at 1:21 PM on January 30, 2021 [2 favorites]
> I used to love randomly complimenting service people for meaningless things
Last week I commented to the assistant giving me my allergy shot that his technique had changed. He seemed very surprised that I remembered -- the last time he'd given me a shot was over a year ago, I usually see the other assistant -- but what the hell else am I going to do with my brain these days?
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:03 PM on January 30, 2021 [4 favorites]
Last week I commented to the assistant giving me my allergy shot that his technique had changed. He seemed very surprised that I remembered -- the last time he'd given me a shot was over a year ago, I usually see the other assistant -- but what the hell else am I going to do with my brain these days?
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:03 PM on January 30, 2021 [4 favorites]
This is why we have four dogs.
....we did have six, but two of them were very old and left us just recently.
posted by Chronorin at 1:22 AM on January 31, 2021 [1 favorite]
....we did have six, but two of them were very old and left us just recently.
posted by Chronorin at 1:22 AM on January 31, 2021 [1 favorite]
I feel this so much.
I'm in the UK, just outside of London, and we're in our third English lockdown. My main friendship group is people who I see at DIY punk gigs across the South East, and then also people from the local Ramblers (walking group). Took a knock, and I was just building those bonds back up after getting out of a relationship that turned truly toxic in 2019. I don't know if it's a particularly male thing, a particularly British thing, or just a particular expression of my anxiety/depression, but my friends have always been people who I see while doing stuff, rather than just hanging out.
That lack of stuff is what's hurting me so much right now, and through the last year. No gigs. No chatting to people between bands, or outside the pub. It's a particularly close knit small scene, so you really get to know people. There's friends I've had for 20 years from it. Thing is, I've always lived outside of town, so it's always been something which I'll drive or catch the train up to. Never a problem normally - just means an hour's drive home rather than an hour's bus or tube. Now? I kind of wish I didn't like the niche stuff that I do, that I had more friends who were geographically close to me rather than close to me in tastes. People I could go and have a socially distanced chat with in a park or something.
Walking group got me through the summer and the autumn. Thankfully it counts as organised outdoor exercise, so we were able to keep going through the Tier restrictions here. Different to the gigs, but it does really help to get to know people when you spend six to seven hours walking together of a weekend. That ended when Tier 4 came in in the South East in December time.
I live alone, so I have a support bubble with my Mum. She's 20 minutes down the road, and nearly 70. Means I can go out to do the shopping for her, and gives me some human contact. Realised the other day I even miss the grumpy security guard at the office, along with the canteen staff, and the other people I work with in my team. Only so much that a Teams chat can replace. You can't pick up on what other people are doing and offer to help, you can't just wander over to someone to see if you're going mad about something, or if there's a real problem that everyone else is assuming someone else is dealing with, you can't just make stupid jokes about lenses.
All of this comes from a degree of privilege, I know that. Other people are working from their bedrooms in a shared house, with housemates who they've discovered are unbearable 24/7. Cities are a much worse place to be trying to avoid crowded shops or streets. Families are separated by countries and closed borders. People have been furloughed or made redundant. There's over 100,000 in the UK who have died, and there are the people who feel their loss deeply as well. I'm lucky that I don't have those problems.
I'm just really missing people.
posted by MattWPBS at 1:57 AM on February 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm in the UK, just outside of London, and we're in our third English lockdown. My main friendship group is people who I see at DIY punk gigs across the South East, and then also people from the local Ramblers (walking group). Took a knock, and I was just building those bonds back up after getting out of a relationship that turned truly toxic in 2019. I don't know if it's a particularly male thing, a particularly British thing, or just a particular expression of my anxiety/depression, but my friends have always been people who I see while doing stuff, rather than just hanging out.
That lack of stuff is what's hurting me so much right now, and through the last year. No gigs. No chatting to people between bands, or outside the pub. It's a particularly close knit small scene, so you really get to know people. There's friends I've had for 20 years from it. Thing is, I've always lived outside of town, so it's always been something which I'll drive or catch the train up to. Never a problem normally - just means an hour's drive home rather than an hour's bus or tube. Now? I kind of wish I didn't like the niche stuff that I do, that I had more friends who were geographically close to me rather than close to me in tastes. People I could go and have a socially distanced chat with in a park or something.
Walking group got me through the summer and the autumn. Thankfully it counts as organised outdoor exercise, so we were able to keep going through the Tier restrictions here. Different to the gigs, but it does really help to get to know people when you spend six to seven hours walking together of a weekend. That ended when Tier 4 came in in the South East in December time.
I live alone, so I have a support bubble with my Mum. She's 20 minutes down the road, and nearly 70. Means I can go out to do the shopping for her, and gives me some human contact. Realised the other day I even miss the grumpy security guard at the office, along with the canteen staff, and the other people I work with in my team. Only so much that a Teams chat can replace. You can't pick up on what other people are doing and offer to help, you can't just wander over to someone to see if you're going mad about something, or if there's a real problem that everyone else is assuming someone else is dealing with, you can't just make stupid jokes about lenses.
All of this comes from a degree of privilege, I know that. Other people are working from their bedrooms in a shared house, with housemates who they've discovered are unbearable 24/7. Cities are a much worse place to be trying to avoid crowded shops or streets. Families are separated by countries and closed borders. People have been furloughed or made redundant. There's over 100,000 in the UK who have died, and there are the people who feel their loss deeply as well. I'm lucky that I don't have those problems.
I'm just really missing people.
posted by MattWPBS at 1:57 AM on February 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm super late to this thread, but I just wanted to say that middle-age drift was something that was already weighing heavily on my mind before the pandemic, and I fear that no matter what happens moving forward the past year has pretty much functionally put an end to a number of friendships of mine that were already more of a wishful concept than a reality. It kind of feels like two objects obtaining escape velocity from each other; they're never coming back together.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:51 AM on February 25, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:51 AM on February 25, 2021 [3 favorites]
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posted by lunasol at 10:47 AM on January 29, 2021 [2 favorites]