Jeetje. Doe normaal Onno.
May 18, 2021 10:02 AM Subscribe
''EEN STUK IS NIET EEN METER" is a sentence that has been shouted at least a dozen times. Also the guy from the company just made a disparaging remark about Onno's (in)ability to sexually please his wife. I don't think this is the first time Onno has screwed up.There was a small mix-up with the delivery of Molly Quell's new roof plants: instead of 51 trays, she got 510 square meters. All thanks to one hapless employee called Onno.
Translation for non-Dutch speakers:
"Jeetje. Doe normaal Onno.": sjeeesh. Be reasonable Onno.
"EEN STUK IS NIET EEN METER": one piece does not equal one meter.
"optyfussen": fuck off.
"Dat is onmogelijk": literally, that's impossible, figuratively: more than my job's worth/can't be arsed.
Project X: what happens when you try to re-enact the scene from any eighties teen movie, where the entire school comes to crash the hapless nerd's quiet house party in real life, but with a lot more vandalism and fighting with cops.
and date crumble.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 10:30 AM on May 18, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by TWinbrook8 at 10:30 AM on May 18, 2021 [3 favorites]
I feel sorry for whoever fucked this up and also surprised that they only managed to find one neighbour to take the plants. In my bit of inner city south London a pallet like that would be enthusiastically picked clean within an hour if you posted to the right local FB group.
posted by fight or flight at 10:48 AM on May 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by fight or flight at 10:48 AM on May 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
Onno and Shiv’s brother-in-law should hang out sometime.
posted by zamboni at 10:57 AM on May 18, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 10:57 AM on May 18, 2021 [12 favorites]
zamboni, I was about to ask if this was a rice lorry situation!
posted by epj at 11:09 AM on May 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by epj at 11:09 AM on May 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
No, it's a two rice lorry situation!
posted by doomsey at 11:12 AM on May 18, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by doomsey at 11:12 AM on May 18, 2021 [4 favorites]
That was terrific!
Also, some should film that Shiv's brother-in-law story Uncut Gems style.
posted by treepour at 11:46 AM on May 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
Also, some should film that Shiv's brother-in-law story Uncut Gems style.
posted by treepour at 11:46 AM on May 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
Whoa, what are roof plants?! Is this a European thing?
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 11:56 AM on May 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 11:56 AM on May 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
I think I read something similar about a child ordering waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many popsicles off the Internet. (Washington Post)
Quick rundown: Mom can't afford $50 worth of popsicles, child orders $2,600 worth of popsicles, there is NO way one can store all of those so they melt, a GoFundMe is created, $11k is raised via GoFundMe.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:01 PM on May 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
Quick rundown: Mom can't afford $50 worth of popsicles, child orders $2,600 worth of popsicles, there is NO way one can store all of those so they melt, a GoFundMe is created, $11k is raised via GoFundMe.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:01 PM on May 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
I do hope webcomic name does a three-panel condensation of this. The punchline's already written!
posted by jackbishop at 12:02 PM on May 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by jackbishop at 12:02 PM on May 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
I would love for something like this to happen to me! I'm making a green roof for an outdoor storage area and my wife grew 100 assorted succulents from seed over the last 10 months or so. Just in the process of hardening them so that I can put them on the roof over the weekend. I also ordered a few plug trays of herbs I'm going to replace my lawn with and yeah if they sent me a square metre of herbs for each tray/plug I'd definitely find uses for them.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:21 PM on May 18, 2021
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:21 PM on May 18, 2021
Choice of units is a pain.
What’s the most standard flat size in the EU? It’s probably a "1020" in the US, ten inches by twenty inches plus flanges, and lots of things bigger and smaller are sized to fit that. (Even my catalog of nursery supply that has by-the-truckload pricing for starter flats standardizes on 1020s. Which aren’t in Wikipedia?!!)
posted by clew at 12:25 PM on May 18, 2021
What’s the most standard flat size in the EU? It’s probably a "1020" in the US, ten inches by twenty inches plus flanges, and lots of things bigger and smaller are sized to fit that. (Even my catalog of nursery supply that has by-the-truckload pricing for starter flats standardizes on 1020s. Which aren’t in Wikipedia?!!)
posted by clew at 12:25 PM on May 18, 2021
$11k is raised via GoFundMe.
It's still going - nearly up to $25K.
posted by zamboni at 1:11 PM on May 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
It's still going - nearly up to $25K.
posted by zamboni at 1:11 PM on May 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
To be clear, “optyfussen” is not just fuck off but fuck off and get typhus. The Dutch have a special way with expletives.
posted by misterpatrick at 1:31 PM on May 18, 2021 [20 favorites]
posted by misterpatrick at 1:31 PM on May 18, 2021 [20 favorites]
This is how the inhumane factory chicken industry got its start:
Cecile Long Steele, a red-haired farm wife in Ocean View, ordered 50 chicks from Vernon Steen’s Dagsboro hatchery in 1923 for egg production; by mistake, Steen sent her 500 chicks, far too many for the intended purpose. Mrs. Steele did not return them, however; seeing an opportunity, she waited until the 387 surviving chickens reached 2 pounds live weight and sold them for a profit at 62 cents a pound. The following year, she raised 1,000 chicks and sold them for 50 cents a pound. In 1926, she raised and sold 10,000 broilers, and by 1928 she increased that number to 26,000. Success like this did not go unnoticed; by 1928 there were 500 growers raising broilers in Delmarva.posted by aniola at 2:08 PM on May 18, 2021 [3 favorites]
Honestly, all of this chaos could be be solved by judicious use of the magical phrase:
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem".
You brought too much stuff because you got the order wrong?
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"
You don't want to take it all the way back to the depot?
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"
You can't get to the gravel you are supposed to deliver without unloading an entire truck?
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"
The quantity you are actually supposed to supply is on another block?
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"
It's makes for an amusing twitter thread, but after about 5 minutes, I'd be refusing delivery of everything and finding a competent company to deal with.
I admire her patience.
posted by madajb at 2:30 PM on May 18, 2021
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem".
You brought too much stuff because you got the order wrong?
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"
You don't want to take it all the way back to the depot?
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"
You can't get to the gravel you are supposed to deliver without unloading an entire truck?
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"
The quantity you are actually supposed to supply is on another block?
"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"
It's makes for an amusing twitter thread, but after about 5 minutes, I'd be refusing delivery of everything and finding a competent company to deal with.
I admire her patience.
posted by madajb at 2:30 PM on May 18, 2021
I was sure wondering if she had agreed to pay for 51 trays or 510m^2, when the order was made.
posted by clew at 2:33 PM on May 18, 2021
posted by clew at 2:33 PM on May 18, 2021
well, what do you expect from a guy whose name sounds like Oh No!
and wow, i am SO using optyfussen as a curse word now!
posted by lapolla at 3:18 PM on May 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
and wow, i am SO using optyfussen as a curse word now!
posted by lapolla at 3:18 PM on May 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
Me: I need to know if this is the Onno.
Bf: What are you going to do? Ask him if he makes a lot of mistakes at work and can't sexually satisfy his wife?
Me: I mean.
Bf: You absolutely cannot do that.
boyfriend's right but he's no fun
posted by taquito sunrise at 3:43 PM on May 18, 2021 [3 favorites]
Bf: What are you going to do? Ask him if he makes a lot of mistakes at work and can't sexually satisfy his wife?
Me: I mean.
Bf: You absolutely cannot do that.
boyfriend's right but he's no fun
posted by taquito sunrise at 3:43 PM on May 18, 2021 [3 favorites]
In exchange for some date crumble, the driver has agreed to move the one pallet into our garden.
Behold the power of date crumble!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:38 AM on May 19, 2021
Behold the power of date crumble!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:38 AM on May 19, 2021
Driver Two is leaving, not having offloaded anything. Company Guy says "Tell Onno I'll talk to him later."
Can you pre-report a murder in this country?
Valid question.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 4:14 AM on May 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
Can you pre-report a murder in this country?
Valid question.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 4:14 AM on May 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
and to think my sense of the word 'epic' has been remotely accurate to this point in time
enjoyed this thoroughly, thank you MartinWisse
posted by elkevelvet at 10:20 AM on May 19, 2021
enjoyed this thoroughly, thank you MartinWisse
posted by elkevelvet at 10:20 AM on May 19, 2021
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posted by wenestvedt at 10:20 AM on May 18, 2021 [2 favorites]