Linda Skeens is too busy WINNING, for all your social media nonsense

June 30, 2022 12:09 AM

At the 109th annual Virginia Kentucky district fair, one contestant started to win categories. Several categories, including canned fruit, canned tomato, non-cucumber pickled item, relish, jelly, jam, quilt, cakes, pies, cookies, brownies, savory bread, sweet bread, candy, chow chow, corn relish, applesauce, pears, embroidery. Many categories. (Facebook post). But, as 'the internet' goes looking and pesters the wrong person, who is Linda Skeens? And is Robin Moore (best overall pickled cucumber - bread and butter, best overall fruit - peaches, salsa, blackberries) her nemesis?
posted by Wordshore (48 comments total)

...I would guess by the fact that some of the categories have only 1st place, that there were not a lot of submissions for baked goods. While Linda is a baking fiend.
posted by tavella at 12:30 AM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

Miss Cellania at Neatorama: But if Linda Skeens ever emerges into the public, she'll have a ready-made audience for whatever she wants to say
about baking, car-maintenance, data analytics, East-West relations, fishing . . . and she'll be quite as qualified on those matters as the Nobel prize-winners and TV celebs who don't hold back on such matters.
posted by BobTheScientist at 1:52 AM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

Though it's easy to imagine a hundred media editors ordering the most junior journalist to "Find Linda and photograph and interview her!", I hope she isn't found, is oblivious to social media and is happily continuing doing her making thing.
posted by Wordshore at 2:45 AM on June 30, 2022 [6 favorites]

(sorry for the disappointment to any MeFites eagerly scanning the list of category wins in the hope of reading "Best Potato")
posted by Wordshore at 2:53 AM on June 30, 2022 [10 favorites]

On the entirely other end of the spectrum, at the Kingston ag fair in 2019, I saw the category for Peanut Butter Cookies, in which there was only one entry and it was awarded second prize. This seems like a contender for the most savage takedown in ag fair history: telling an entrant that literally the concept of nothingness is a better cookie than their cookie.

I think of Yvonne Brownlee and her peanut butter cookie often, usually when I feel like I have only one option in front of me and I don't like it. There's always the option to just reject the premise entirely.

So I'd suggest that Yvonne is the Anti-Skeens: not only not winning prizes, but losing contests in which she's the only entrant.
posted by Shepherd at 2:59 AM on June 30, 2022 [62 favorites]

Metafilter: Yvonne is the Anti-Skeens
posted by sammyo at 3:28 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

I AM Yvonne.
posted by sammyo at 3:29 AM on June 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

So I'd suggest that Yvonne is the Anti-Skeens: not only not winning prizes, but losing contests in which she's the only entrant.

We don't know how many other entrants there were in that contest. If the judges were willing to leave first place blank, maybe there's dozens of contenders whose peanut butter cookies weren't even good enough to be third?
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:38 AM on June 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

There are too many wins to list all of them. But she won best cake . . . best pie . . . best brownies . . . best jelly . . . best jam . . . best applesauce . . . best apple butter . . . best pumpkin butter . . . best sauerkraut . . . best spaghetti sauce . . . and her strawberry fudge won Best Overall Baked Good.

Yes but what about the POTATO category?!
posted by AlSweigart at 4:39 AM on June 30, 2022 [5 favorites]

This seems like a contender for the most savage takedown in ag fair history: telling an entrant that literally the concept of nothingness is a better cookie than their cookie.

It's funny but I extracted a different meaning from Yvonne Brownlee's second place win in a competition of only one - this is a powerful display of Canadians' tall poppy syndrome. Only if the competition was in butter tarts would it be more Canadian. I can just imagine the conversation:

Judge one: there's only one entry for peanut butter cookies this year...
Judge two: And of course its that Brownlee women.
Judge three: and it isn't even that good of a cookie.
Judge one: Ok then... second place. Let's have a look at the banana loaves.
posted by Ashwagandha at 5:21 AM on June 30, 2022 [5 favorites]

Okay, so in my headcanon Yvonne Brownlee was awarded first place but politely opted for second because winning first when no one else bothers to show up is the kind of hollow victory that people use to pad out their accomplishments

*cough* Linda Skeens *cough*
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:53 AM on June 30, 2022 [8 favorites]

Take 450g roasted peanuts, 50g roasted almonds, 250g white sugar, 2g salt and chop in a food processor until it forms a paste. Add two eggs, 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract, and a pinch of orange zest. Mix thoroughly, form into small balls, place on greased cookie tray, flatten with fork, 13 minutes at 350F or until lightly browned on the edges.
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:58 AM on June 30, 2022 [12 favorites]

Metafilter: Yvonne is the Anti-Skeens

MetaFilter: Best Non-Cucumber Pickled Item
posted by The Bellman at 6:10 AM on June 30, 2022 [7 favorites]

Best... chow chow? That seems oddly specific, and very much not like the other items in the list.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 6:33 AM on June 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

Y'all have created a Yvonne Brownlee Cinematic Universe from my husband's story--and I was there! I SAW THE DISS--and this is top notch community fun on the Blue.
posted by Kitteh at 6:33 AM on June 30, 2022 [7 favorites]

Yvonne Brownlee gives Antonio Salieri some serious competition for Patron Saint of the Mediocre.

But there can only be one Second Place.
posted by panglos at 6:37 AM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

"What is best in life, Linda?"

"Savory bread."

"No, I meant like, to drive your enemies bef--"

"Everybody loves it, nobody does it. It's a mystery, really."
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:50 AM on June 30, 2022 [4 favorites]

Best... chow chow? That seems oddly specific, and very much not like the other items in the list.

Not chow chow, chow-chow. My grandmother used to make it.
posted by briank at 6:59 AM on June 30, 2022 [7 favorites]

Not chow chow, chow-chow. My grandmother used to make it.

Does the last step of the recipe involve feeding it to a cat and standing by with a china plate? Because . . .
posted by The Bellman at 7:06 AM on June 30, 2022

Maybe “Linda Skeens” is the “Alan Smithee” of county fair competitions.
posted by TedW at 7:16 AM on June 30, 2022 [6 favorites]

Yvonne. Yvonne. I'm incapable of storing this name in my brain. It's silly how often I think to myself, what was the name of the woman on Peewee's Playhouse? I don't know why I ask that. And I don't know why I can never remember the answer. Yvonne.
posted by rlk at 7:17 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

Yvonne knows what she did. Submitting Walmart cookies as her own. Seriously, they were still in the clamshell with the label blacked out and her name on a post it. But... nobody else entered so... 2nd place.
posted by Badgermann at 7:38 AM on June 30, 2022 [4 favorites]

No fair! Ralph Wiggum at least got first place.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:58 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

"We are announcing the winner for Best Potato! It is...Linda Skeens! Linda please stand up."

3 audience members stand up, each proclaiming, "I am Linda Skeens!"
Others rise, also, "I am Linda Skeens!"
Entire audience is standing, "I am Linda Skeens!"
posted by othrechaz at 8:35 AM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

Do people county fair shop? Like you know there's this one county where no one grows decent cucumbers or everyone's crap at quilting so you enter your stuff in that competition instead of your local one where that Linda Skeens always wins everything because she's just so perfect.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 8:42 AM on June 30, 2022 [6 favorites]

I would guess by the fact that some of the categories have only 1st place, that there were not a lot of submissions for baked goods.

Heh. I recall a crafting category at a state fair I went to, where there were only three entries in the category, and the judges only awarded first and second place.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:56 AM on June 30, 2022 [4 favorites]

Funny thing about the only second place thing - for years I used to help organize the LA County Fair Homebrew Competition (which was but one competition amongst an endless field in America's most populous county)

The number of times we had judges award a second place only was legion. The amount of angst it generated was more so!
posted by drewbage1847 at 9:19 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

Most of my experience with fall fair baking display competitions comes from the Erin Fall Fair (an excellent small town fair). For a bigger fair in a place like Kingston or top tier fairs like the Paris Fall Fair it might be different but they tend to have specific times and dates for entry which if you work or are located out of town can be very difficult to meet (my poor mémére's fruit ketchup recipe, perhaps the greatest, remains uncelebrated for this very reason). So, again in my experience, what happens is you tend to see mostly older people and kids enter and as a result you see the same names over and over. It is also highly likely that the judges and the competitors know each other well and generally, to keep things fair, there is no interaction during the competition. But I do get a sense that there can be a settling of scores especially over divisive baked good categories (e.g. get 10 Canadians in a room and ask them about their ideal butter tart). Sadly there is no recourse for recounts so Yvonne likely had to lump her second place ribbon but you know that she's likely needled TO THIS DAY about her second class peanut butter cookies (bet you used No Name brand peanut butter product in those cookies, eh Yvonne?)

Submitting Walmart cookies as her own.

I haven't seen adults doing this but I have totally seen under 12s doing that and dressing them up with some poorly piped icing and sprinkles. Yes I do think that is unacceptable and why I think the children's entries are largely a sham.
posted by Ashwagandha at 9:26 AM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

Do people county fair shop? Like you know there's this one county where no one grows decent cucumbers or everyone's crap at quilting

I know people who do this in pumpkin growing & live stock competitions which can be highly competitive and can have some decent prizes.
posted by Ashwagandha at 9:32 AM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

So could Linda Skeens be a straw-entrant? In exchange for a small cut of the prize money, she'll quietly enter your baked good under her name?

Maybe that's why she's so hard to locate. The publicity is bad for business.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 10:29 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

So you're saying that there used to be a single Linda Skeen.
posted by Etrigan at 10:33 AM on June 30, 2022 [5 favorites]

Initially yes, but arbitraging county fairs and splitting the prize money with people was so profitable she hired some assistants and then retired to a private island in the Caribbean.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 10:55 AM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

With this many categories, I doubt there was any prize money. I won a few county fair ribbons when I was young and never got any money. But there was no entry fee, either.
posted by Miss Cellania at 11:30 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

> I recall a crafting category at a state fair I went to, where there were only three entries in the category, and the judges only awarded first and second place

I think that's pretty normal. In the competitions I do (not potato-related) if only three people show up for a division, there are two medals given out. If there are two people, one medal.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:45 PM on June 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

But there was no entry fee, either.

Oh, see, I wish that was the case where I live. Here, it's £5 to enter and then there's an attendance fee, and then even if you win first prize in multiple categories the prizes are measly enough you still make a loss.
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 1:42 PM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

Initially yes, but arbitraging county fairs and splitting the prize money with people was so profitable she hired some assistants and then retired to a private island in the Caribbean.

Sounds like Linda schemes.
posted by pulposus at 3:19 PM on June 30, 2022 [4 favorites]

Her granddaughter did say Linda was legendary among family for her potato casserole. Just no category at the fair to enter it in.

Also, a co-worker entered her chocolate chip cookies in the Minnesota State Fair for the first time and won the blue ribbon. We all won, really, because we were the tasting panel for all the variations leading up to the winning entry. If you took a cookie, you had to fill out a form with feedback. Or no second cookie.

Another friend got a call from a regional jam/pickle company after her raspberry jam took the blue at the State Fair. It wanted her recipe to be their raspberry jam & to put her picture on the jar. After they convinced her it was legit she agreed. Last time I checked, Grace was on the jar. They do the pickle winners, too. Such is fame in Minnesota.
posted by Nosey Mrs. Rat at 4:02 PM on June 30, 2022 [9 favorites]

Oh man. This reminds me of my grandma. She loved entering things at the fair, it was like a job and she would plan all year for it. Tons of entries in flowers, antiques, and baking. A big part of the fun for me and my family was seeing which entries were Grandma's and how many ribbons she won and how in the world did her divinity only get a red ribbon? She would get the book with all the categories early in the summer and it would be all marked and tabbed up by August. One year I was staying with her for the duration of the fair so I was with her when she picked up all her winnings. Even though each individual prize (or premium) was usually 2 or 3 dollars, she would end up with hundreds of dollars. Was it worth the hours and money she put into it? Probably not but she loved it and going to the fair just wasn't the same after she died.
posted by jenjenc at 6:25 PM on June 30, 2022 [9 favorites]

Was it worth the hours and money she put into it?

Doesn't seem any more wasteful than any other hobby and a lot less than some.
posted by Mitheral at 6:47 PM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

A big part of the fun for me and my family was seeing which entries were Grandma's and how many ribbons she won and how in the world did her divinity only get a red ribbon?

In the moment before I remembered that "divinity" is a dessert, this conjured up a glorious image of Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite at the state fair, frantically vying for the prized Golden Apple Ribbon from the local shepherd.
posted by eponym at 7:07 PM on June 30, 2022 [8 favorites]

A Wordshore post!!!! Yaaaaayyyyyy

Gonna read now. :)
posted by The Adventure Begins at 3:25 AM on July 1, 2022

Last year I went to county fair in central Minnesota and saw the largest kohlrabi with a big blue ribbon on it. It was about the size of a football and I took a picture.
posted by soelo at 9:41 AM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]

> Was it worth the hours and money she put into it? Probably not but she loved it

If she loved it, then: yes!
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:14 AM on July 1, 2022 [3 favorites]

I saw the category for Peanut Butter Cookies, in which there was only one entry and it was awarded second prize.

I'm involved with homebrew beer judging in our State Fair. There's actually a lot of process behind it, much of which is exposed to entrants. There are score sheets (which are returned to the entrants) with details. But there are in fact minimum scores for achieving first, second, and third, and if somebody doesn't pass those thresholds, they don't get an award.

I've had it happen to me. I submitted a bunch of beers, and one of them just wasn't very good. But it was in an obscure category, so it was the second-best beer. It took third.
posted by jackbishop at 4:50 PM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]

I'm outing myself as a former homebrewer here, but it does make sense to me that no beer would be awarded first place in a given style if it didn't meet the style guidelines, given the relatively strict style guidelines for the styles. Do most categories in state/county fair contests have really strict guidelines?
posted by mollweide at 6:06 PM on July 1, 2022 [1 favorite]

I made some decent pocket money through high school by being the only person to enter student competitions. I'd dash off a handwritten entry (no computers, no drafts) and ta dah, a cheque, front page of the local paper, and a handshake from the state's premier in election years.

On the other hand, small country high-school (300 kids), only 2 of us doing French, and my teacher decided I shouldn't have the first in French prize because I wasn't even trying and my only classmate was. C'mon, it's not my fault I'm smart.
posted by b33j at 8:47 PM on July 1, 2022 [1 favorite]

Today: Desperate to talk with Skeens and hopefully find out the secret to her Best Overall Baked Good-winning Strawberry Fudge (!), I contacted the fair to see if we could get the skinny. Spokesperson Jennifer Sturgill told me that Skeens won 25 of the 29 categories she entered, and contrary to popular belief, she was often not the only entrant - she’s just that good.

Whiskeyriff: While not much is publicly known about this absolute legend, the Washington Post actually managed to catch up with Skeens’ granddaughter, Franki Skeens, who says that she’s not surprised that Linda cleaned up at the fair:

“To us, it’s nothing new because Mamaw has done it for years.”

Of course she has. Because she’s Linda Skeens.

Unfortunately Linda doesn’t have social media, so she hasn’t been able to see what a legend she’s become on her own, but her family has been reading the comments to her to let her know how much the internet loves them some Linda Skeens. In fact, Linda’s so off the grid that she doesn’t have an email address or cell phone either – probably because she’s too busy in the kitchen whipping up delicious baked goods and canned vegetables.
posted by Wordshore at 11:13 AM on July 2, 2022 [2 favorites]

Lexington Herald Leader: “If it can be made, she can make it,” Franki Skeens, Linda’s granddaughter, told The Washington Post. “I don’t know how she does it. There are never any leftovers.”

Her granddaughter said Linda lives in Russell County, Virginia, and has five grandchildren and two-great grandchildren.
posted by Wordshore at 11:17 AM on July 2, 2022 [1 favorite]