How to Make A "Safe Folder"

June 16, 2023 5:19 AM

In The Nation, Karen Krajcer writes about trying to keep her transgender daughter safe in Texas. Be prepared to cry.
posted by kserra (24 comments total)

This. Wow. I don’t know what to add but it seems disrespectful to have read it and not acknowledge how powerful and gutting her words are. Thank you for posting this.
posted by kimberussell at 6:00 AM on June 16, 2023 [12 favorites]

As soon as your child and their team determine that they are transgender, begin gathering documents and add additional proof every six months. This may take the form of photos of your child displaying their gender identity—like the one you took when your daughter was 7 and she decided to take her pronoun out to lunch. “My daughter will have a Shirley Temple,” your husband said, and the waiter wrote down the order without comment. Then, taking your food orders, the waiter said, “And for the young lady—” and your daughter asked for a hamburger with pickles and mustard, and the waiter took her order and left, and your daughter took in air through mouth, nose, eyes, eyebrows, outstretched fingertips, and exhaled ecstasy into a smile, and her little brother (age 6) threw his arms around his sister and said, “You did it!”

That’s a good photo to include.

::sob::
posted by hydropsyche at 6:14 AM on June 16, 2023 [22 favorites]

Yes, think you for posting this. I'm glad that the author and their daughter were able to move to a safer place, but as they suggest, lots of people in the same situation are still there and are still going through this.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:16 AM on June 16, 2023 [6 favorites]

Excellent & heart-rending. While I am glad they are safe, it's abominable & uncivilized that they had to move to be safe. That's just wrong.
posted by chavenet at 6:40 AM on June 16, 2023 [12 favorites]

Tear warning appropriate. Dusty in here. Quite a bit.
posted by Dashy at 7:06 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]

Does anyone know of any groups helping trans kids and their families flee these states? There are a lot of groups claiming to do support for people in those states, but I’m not interested in throwing my money and efforts at a neverending problem. If you get them out, they’re out.
posted by vim876 at 7:08 AM on June 16, 2023 [4 favorites]

Fuck.

Lucky to be over in the PNW, under no illusion that they wouldn’t come for my kids given a few bad elections.
posted by Artw at 7:15 AM on June 16, 2023 [6 favorites]

Unfortunately it's not so simple, although theoretically refugee groups are likely the most capable.

This can involve finding new jobs for parents, new schools for children, new medical resources for children (if applicable), new therapists for everyone, and more.

While some states, such as Illinois, have policies in place claiming to protect LGBTQ children in the state's care, I have personal examples of where this is not the case.

The moral panic here should scare everyone - whether or not you are directly involved in the trans community.
posted by WildMuffin at 7:27 AM on June 16, 2023 [4 favorites]

Does the safe folder actually do any good? I had the impression in Texas that that sort of thing would not matter. :(
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:33 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]

Yeah, there's a good chance none of those documents will matter at all - that this vast preponderance of evidence doesn't mean a thing in the face of organized blind hate. I think you have to put it together because what if it did help, but I don't think there's any reason to believe it would help.
posted by potrzebie at 7:36 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]

I am the mother of a trans teen and have to visit Texas in January for my mother's 80th. I am wondering if I might need to travel with this paperwork just in case. Ugh....this makes me angry and sad.
posted by cherryflute at 7:37 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]

My eyes are watering... Like vim876, I want to figure out how to help (through donations to appropriate organizations) those who don't have the means to escape. My genderqueer adult child is so fortunate to live in a (currently) progressive state in the northeast. Thank you so much, kserra, for sharing this.
posted by Scout405 at 7:40 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]

Jesus fuck I hate this society sometimes. Between this and My 10-year-old daughter thinks she should be dead. When I tried to help her, I saw how deep our national crisis really is.

We hate children so much in this country. The things we do to families make me speechless.
posted by Uncle at 7:53 AM on June 16, 2023 [6 favorites]

@WildMuffin:
I’m sure getting refugees from Syria out and resettled isn’t simple, either, but people are trying, at least. Because the alternative is death.
posted by vim876 at 7:55 AM on June 16, 2023

The original statement was a note from Paxton regarding how these cases should be handled by CPS. Is there a chance that if Paxton goes down the suggestion will be rescinded? I know the temporary replacement is one of his acolytes.
posted by Selena777 at 7:58 AM on June 16, 2023

Does the safe folder actually do any good? I had the impression in Texas that that sort of thing would not matter. :(

I could be wrong, but that actually seems to be the point of the article. In other words, the author lists out the absolutely stunning amount of paperwork and evidence they need, only to conclude that that even that might not be enough to prevent them from being jailed and have their child taken from them at gunpoint, sexually assaulted, and then forcibly detransitioned.
posted by Glegrinof the Pig-Man at 8:07 AM on June 16, 2023 [7 favorites]

The PBS NewsHour recently traveled to Texas to interview a family dealing with this issue and some of the politicians behind the state laws. YouTube Video "A warning: this story includes discussions about suicide and depression."
posted by JDC8 at 8:08 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]

As state legislatures across America proliferate anti-transgender legislation, a growing crisis is unveiling itself. Transgender individuals and their loved ones are increasingly criminalized by their home states and their care, banned. This is prompting a growing number to seek refuge elsewhere. The scale of this issue remained under wraps until a recent Data For Progress survey brought to light the unsettling reality: hundreds of thousands of transgender people have already left their home states, and more than a million are considering a similar course of action in the coming months. These transgender individuals, frequently accompanied by their families, often sacrifice their jobs and relinquish their stability to reach the sanctuary of states willing to facilitate their care and protect them under the law. Should this trend persist, we may witness the largest domestic migration crisis since the Dust Bowl upheaval of the 1940s.

- US Internal Refugee Crisis: 130-260k Trans People Have Already Fled
posted by aniola at 10:20 AM on June 16, 2023 [7 favorites]

i don't think i have tears left to cry reading this, and so i read it dispassionately, as dry and bloodlessly as an axios summary of the latest winners and losers in whatever political football point scoring happened the day before.

it's hard to be sad, knowing that the silent majority, who invariably considers themselves good people sit idly by, ignorantly blissful about the march to trans genocide. you know that to a man, to a woman, each and every one of them would say that "of course we'd hide anne frank's family if it came to it," but in the same breath say, "i just have some concerns. i was a tomboy when i was growing up. i thought i was a cat."

why expect them to write a letter and indelibly put their name amongst the righteous when it's easier to just look the other way? why not just skip out on pride entirely this year--after all, enough of the gays are showing skin in defiance of the looming stormfront; why should good allies put any of theirs in the game? after all, they have their own children to think about.

i'm glad the writer of this article was able to escape to oregon.

and i can only hope that abbott, walsh, and all the other braying demons who are demanding the blood of queer and trans folk will one day find themselves unbreakably, eternally lashed underneath a manchineel tree with naught but its sap and fruit for nourishment.
posted by i used to be someone else at 12:27 PM on June 16, 2023 [6 favorites]

I can't read this but I've seen her talk about this before. Too close to the bone.

My daughter was just starting to feel more comfortable in her skin when we flew last year. Then security pulled her aside for separate groping to search her, and it ruined the trip, though she out in a brave face. We don't fly anymore.

She's my baby and I couldn't do anything when they did that.
posted by emjaybee at 2:06 PM on June 16, 2023 [6 favorites]

and her little brother (age 6) threw his arms around his sister and said, “You did it!”

I lost it here.
posted by bendy at 4:42 PM on June 16, 2023

I do marketing and design at a nonprofit. A church youth group from Omaha NE came to volunteer and paint. They were nice kids, kinda dorky (teenagers!) but nicely behaved and the painting really improved a space used as a classroom for the temporarily homeless.

One kid was trans, a boy. Their legal guardian was with and she requested we not use any photos of her kid in our social media posts for the kid's safety. We had them line up and give a big thumbs-up for the camera. None of us had the heart to tell the boy to step out of the photo. So later I had to Photoshop them out of the picture.

I was literally erasing a trans kid. But their guardian was adamant that their photo could not be used because of safety issues with the child/teen. Made me feel sick.

At least the kid had a nice legal guardian (she was very cool) protecting them and helping to keep them safe. Even in Nebraska.
posted by SoberHighland at 5:01 PM on June 16, 2023 [8 favorites]

Very dusty in here suddenly.

I hope they all have wonderful, fulfilling, safe lives in their new home.
posted by allium cepa at 7:17 PM on June 17, 2023 [1 favorite]

Ooof. Thank you for sharing.
posted by brundlefly at 2:25 PM on June 18, 2023