“It’s the saddest crime on earth”
July 24, 2023 2:52 AM Subscribe
You just have to mention the words Yahoo boys to a Nigerian and watch their reaction to understand how deeply embedded scammers have become in the national conversation. A lot of people see them as young men who’ve chosen a life of crime, preying on foreigners and marring Nigeria’s reputation ... There’s another side to public opinion, however, one that sees Yahoo boys as young men pushed to the brink by their circumstances. from The Romance Scammer on My Sofa [Atavist; ungated]
This was a great piece. I loved the ending, where the author circles back to his mother and the events in her life that made her vulnerable to the scam. I love the way the piece balances the youth and desperation of Nigeria with the age and loneliness of white America.
I was phished once--the classic short email from your boss asking for a cell number and then the text message that they're in a meeting and could you go buy some gift cards. I figured it out before the text even arrived, but in the moment I was fooled. I was fooled because it was a boss with whom I'd had a fraught relationship, at least in my head, and I was flattered that the person had reached out to me and wanted to respond immediately. I am certainly not someone who thinks he could never fall for a scam if it was properly targeted.
posted by sy at 5:34 AM on July 24, 2023 [14 favorites]
I was phished once--the classic short email from your boss asking for a cell number and then the text message that they're in a meeting and could you go buy some gift cards. I figured it out before the text even arrived, but in the moment I was fooled. I was fooled because it was a boss with whom I'd had a fraught relationship, at least in my head, and I was flattered that the person had reached out to me and wanted to respond immediately. I am certainly not someone who thinks he could never fall for a scam if it was properly targeted.
posted by sy at 5:34 AM on July 24, 2023 [14 favorites]
That's an amazing story--she is Spanish, though, I think.
posted by kingdead at 6:50 AM on July 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by kingdead at 6:50 AM on July 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
I am certainly not someone who thinks he could never fall for a scam if it was properly targeted.
I feel like that's the exactly right attitude to have. I'm pretty good at spotting scams... but I know enough that the right amount of social engineering could get me too in a moment of complacency.
Something that stuck out to me in the article was the explanation for the spelling errors in the messages from the scammers. At work when we're getting trained to not get phished, the subtext when talking about spelling errors is that the scammers are foreigners who don't have a good grasp of the English language. The subtext is it's a deficiency in their intelligence. I think that's a big mistake in the training. I think that breeds over-confidence that "oh, they wouldn't get me... I'm smarter than that" when really you're only writing a volume of emails that lets you check your grammar and spelling carefully. Scammers are smart and the only way to avoid being scammed is to remember that they are smart and can outsmart you. That's their job.
posted by eekernohan at 7:02 AM on July 24, 2023 [14 favorites]
I feel like that's the exactly right attitude to have. I'm pretty good at spotting scams... but I know enough that the right amount of social engineering could get me too in a moment of complacency.
Something that stuck out to me in the article was the explanation for the spelling errors in the messages from the scammers. At work when we're getting trained to not get phished, the subtext when talking about spelling errors is that the scammers are foreigners who don't have a good grasp of the English language. The subtext is it's a deficiency in their intelligence. I think that's a big mistake in the training. I think that breeds over-confidence that "oh, they wouldn't get me... I'm smarter than that" when really you're only writing a volume of emails that lets you check your grammar and spelling carefully. Scammers are smart and the only way to avoid being scammed is to remember that they are smart and can outsmart you. That's their job.
posted by eekernohan at 7:02 AM on July 24, 2023 [14 favorites]
Kingdead is right: to be clear, the author and his mother are Spanish, but the article describes Americans as the primary targets of the Yahoo boys, and the statistics on loneliness that it cites are from the U.S.
The language thing is interesting, not least the fact that the author is not an L1 English speaker but is a very compelling writer of literary non-fiction prose English--no easy feat in my experience.
posted by sy at 7:12 AM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
The language thing is interesting, not least the fact that the author is not an L1 English speaker but is a very compelling writer of literary non-fiction prose English--no easy feat in my experience.
posted by sy at 7:12 AM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
I was once tricked through a combination of coincidence and three words. I had just given my cell phone number to some colleagues who had flown overseas for some remote work and at 3am--the time I expected them to check in--I got a text message "are you there?". I didn't recognize the phone number, but I didn't have my coworker's cell numbers anyway so that didn't raise any red flags. I texted back "I'm here. What's going on?".
If the scammer had been more subtle, they might have gotten something out of me. Luckily after establishing contact they went all-in with their pig butchering scam and the next text I got their "picture" which established that they were obviously not my colleagues. But if they had sent a URL for me to read or asked for ambiguous support, I might have come close to falling for it.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:40 AM on July 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
If the scammer had been more subtle, they might have gotten something out of me. Luckily after establishing contact they went all-in with their pig butchering scam and the next text I got their "picture" which established that they were obviously not my colleagues. But if they had sent a URL for me to read or asked for ambiguous support, I might have come close to falling for it.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:40 AM on July 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
At work when we're getting trained to not get phished, the subtext when talking about spelling errors is that the scammers are foreigners who don't have a good grasp of the English language. The subtext is it's a deficiency in their intelligence.
I work in a field that involves a LOT of personal data and our security training teaches us to be on the lookout for spelling errors for exactly the opposite reason: Scammers include them on purpose to weed out the careful, attentive and intelligent. They're sending out a vast number of emails and they want to be sure they're not wasting time with people who will likely catch on and cut contact before the scam runs to its completion.
In other words, it is indeed about a deficiency in intelligence, but not on the part of the scammers.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 7:51 AM on July 24, 2023 [47 favorites]
I work in a field that involves a LOT of personal data and our security training teaches us to be on the lookout for spelling errors for exactly the opposite reason: Scammers include them on purpose to weed out the careful, attentive and intelligent. They're sending out a vast number of emails and they want to be sure they're not wasting time with people who will likely catch on and cut contact before the scam runs to its completion.
In other words, it is indeed about a deficiency in intelligence, but not on the part of the scammers.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 7:51 AM on July 24, 2023 [47 favorites]
Eponysterical, Parasite Unseen.
posted by clew at 8:36 AM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by clew at 8:36 AM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
Yahoo boys also have a word for their victims: maga, which means foolish, senseless, or gullible. One of the most popular hip-hop songs about scammers is “Maga Don Pay.” Brian, who as my trip wore on I came no closer to finding, probably used the term to describe my mom.
I'm not the first person to wonder about the etymology of this, apparently. But if the red-hatted shoe fits...
posted by Shepherd at 8:37 AM on July 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
I'm not the first person to wonder about the etymology of this, apparently. But if the red-hatted shoe fits...
posted by Shepherd at 8:37 AM on July 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
Yeah, "pushed to the brink by their circumstances," wait until your 80-year old stubbornly-independent widower Mom on a pension falls for the guy texting from "Apple" and you have to spend weeks and weeks cleaning up the damage while she experiences deep depression and violation. Actually happened. Zero sympathy.
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 9:51 AM on July 24, 2023 [33 favorites]
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 9:51 AM on July 24, 2023 [33 favorites]
Yeah, this is an excellent article, but as somebody whose mom has been giving unknown quantities of money to her very Catholic, four-star general boyfriend on special deployment to Syria, this hits kinda hard. And her current husband has the emotional resonance and range of your average rutabaga, so I'm not shocked this has happened.
posted by PussKillian at 9:59 AM on July 24, 2023 [15 favorites]
posted by PussKillian at 9:59 AM on July 24, 2023 [15 favorites]
I got a text message "are you there?"
The American phone system being rendered unusable by spam has thankfully made me immune to this. My phone blocks all numbers not on my contact list. It's the only way to preserve my sanity from the tidal wave of bullshit calls and texts I was getting. Coworker trying to check in from Europe? Sorry, send an email, no dice. Dying on the side of the road and your last act was to text me from a number I didn't have? Too bad, guess I'lll be apologizing at your funeral.
posted by star gentle uterus at 10:09 AM on July 24, 2023 [17 favorites]
The American phone system being rendered unusable by spam has thankfully made me immune to this. My phone blocks all numbers not on my contact list. It's the only way to preserve my sanity from the tidal wave of bullshit calls and texts I was getting. Coworker trying to check in from Europe? Sorry, send an email, no dice. Dying on the side of the road and your last act was to text me from a number I didn't have? Too bad, guess I'lll be apologizing at your funeral.
posted by star gentle uterus at 10:09 AM on July 24, 2023 [17 favorites]
somewhat tangential to the featured article, but "419" might be a title to add to your summer reading list. from the Wikipedia description: Titled for the section of the Nigerian Criminal Code that deals with fraud, the events of the novel are set in motion by Henry Curtis, a retired school teacher in Calgary, Alberta, who dies in a car accident after becoming embroiled in an advance-fee fraud scam that has left his family destitute.
posted by elkevelvet at 10:42 AM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by elkevelvet at 10:42 AM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
My mom got hit by the Apple scam, to the point where they had the remote desktop set up on her computer. She also bought thousands of dollars in gift cards, though to her credit they were for organic groceries at her local grocery store, which were of no use to the scammers. She called me well into the incident because I think she knew deep down that something was wrong. I told her to unplug her desktop, which she did, and the scammers immediately called her to find out why she turned off her computer. I went to their house and got the infected hard drive and wiped it back at my house.
The stepmom of a friend of mine, on the other hand, lost all of her money and her property to one of these Yahoo boys. That included my friend's childhood home. There are lots of ways to justify or hand wave away the ethical issues with these scams, but at its heart is a complete lack of empathy.
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:45 AM on July 24, 2023 [16 favorites]
The stepmom of a friend of mine, on the other hand, lost all of her money and her property to one of these Yahoo boys. That included my friend's childhood home. There are lots of ways to justify or hand wave away the ethical issues with these scams, but at its heart is a complete lack of empathy.
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:45 AM on July 24, 2023 [16 favorites]
I almost fell for a simple zelle scam when I was selling stuff in a move (it was a variation in the Facebook market scam). I'm someone who has read multiple articles on scams and knows what to look for, and yet, if I hadn't double checked the email address I would have handed over my bank details to a scammer. After that the rule became payment on pickup, no matter the service.
All this is to say that it's no wonder. I was harried, the scammer was quick and polite and willing to work with me. I can only imagine how much more convincing it's be if they were going after someone emotionally instead of someone just trying to sell stuff.
posted by Hactar at 10:45 AM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
All this is to say that it's no wonder. I was harried, the scammer was quick and polite and willing to work with me. I can only imagine how much more convincing it's be if they were going after someone emotionally instead of someone just trying to sell stuff.
posted by Hactar at 10:45 AM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
Two dear older relatives of mine have fallen prey to scammers, so I have no love for this bullshit. I am also constantly getting friend requests and messages from silver-fox wealthy contractors and soldiers over on Facebook. Strangely enough, I got a scam message on Tumblr the other day that was tailored to Tumblr -- someone claiming that they were in a hospital, feeling worthless and tormented by nurses. They have to know their audience, I suppose.
As little as I tolerate it, I can't stop seeing the larger view. Justifiably angry people in the West are throwing around the words "eat the rich" more and more, as well they should, seeing how everything is placed. Meanwhile, romance scammers are eating the rich -- by their own standards -- not out of rage but because that's what's left to eat, as in Rousseau's original phrasing. It's an ugly business, eating people.
posted by Countess Elena at 10:46 AM on July 24, 2023 [21 favorites]
As little as I tolerate it, I can't stop seeing the larger view. Justifiably angry people in the West are throwing around the words "eat the rich" more and more, as well they should, seeing how everything is placed. Meanwhile, romance scammers are eating the rich -- by their own standards -- not out of rage but because that's what's left to eat, as in Rousseau's original phrasing. It's an ugly business, eating people.
posted by Countess Elena at 10:46 AM on July 24, 2023 [21 favorites]
I have regularly visited (and at one point lived for a year) in Nigeria since 2011. Some stray thoughts:
One key thing the article fails to mention is that at least historically, 419 scams have had more Nigerian victims than foreign victims. This may very well have shifted in recent years now that smart phones have become ubiquitous in the country like in the US (this happened around 2013/2014). The key 419 scam within Nigeria wasn't romance but selling property that didn't belong to you - especially in Eastern Nigeria, if you go around any city you'll be struck by all the buildings stenciled with the words "This House is Not for Sale: Beware 419!"
Many poor Nigerians imagine America and Europe to be much better than it really is - it's an inverse of American views of Nigeria - while our media pretty much only contains negative depictions of Nigeria, Nigerians are more likely to consume positive depictions of America, mostly pop culture. While it's true that poverty in Nigeria is, indeed, much more dire than poverty in the US, I've also found that some Nigerians imagine that every American is at least middle class/comfortable. Stories about Americans relying on GoFundMe to get potentially life-saving medical treatment isn't exactly the sort of thing that gets reported in Nigerian newspapers. Anyway, I point this out because I imagine many Nigerian scammers don't realize the extent of the financial struggles of the people they're scamming.
Also, given that the main guy interviewed has made 30,000 in 10 years (i.e. 3k a year), most are clearly not scamming people out of that much.
This is admittedly a small part of the article, but still, it bothers me that they describe #EndSARS in Nigeria as just about how the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) would "check young people's phones for messages sent to Westerners via Facebook or dating apps." That's a huge understatement. SARS was an incredibly violent force, known to extrajudicially murder citizens, rape women and men, and just generally be brutal. Yes, it was youth who made up the bulk of the protest, but it wasn't just youth - and it wasn't just because SARS was demanding to see their phones.
Donald Trump is sadly popular in Nigeria (particularly among young men), so yeah, maga meaning fool in pidgin, definitely unrelated.
posted by coffeecat at 11:44 AM on July 24, 2023 [30 favorites]
One key thing the article fails to mention is that at least historically, 419 scams have had more Nigerian victims than foreign victims. This may very well have shifted in recent years now that smart phones have become ubiquitous in the country like in the US (this happened around 2013/2014). The key 419 scam within Nigeria wasn't romance but selling property that didn't belong to you - especially in Eastern Nigeria, if you go around any city you'll be struck by all the buildings stenciled with the words "This House is Not for Sale: Beware 419!"
Many poor Nigerians imagine America and Europe to be much better than it really is - it's an inverse of American views of Nigeria - while our media pretty much only contains negative depictions of Nigeria, Nigerians are more likely to consume positive depictions of America, mostly pop culture. While it's true that poverty in Nigeria is, indeed, much more dire than poverty in the US, I've also found that some Nigerians imagine that every American is at least middle class/comfortable. Stories about Americans relying on GoFundMe to get potentially life-saving medical treatment isn't exactly the sort of thing that gets reported in Nigerian newspapers. Anyway, I point this out because I imagine many Nigerian scammers don't realize the extent of the financial struggles of the people they're scamming.
Also, given that the main guy interviewed has made 30,000 in 10 years (i.e. 3k a year), most are clearly not scamming people out of that much.
This is admittedly a small part of the article, but still, it bothers me that they describe #EndSARS in Nigeria as just about how the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) would "check young people's phones for messages sent to Westerners via Facebook or dating apps." That's a huge understatement. SARS was an incredibly violent force, known to extrajudicially murder citizens, rape women and men, and just generally be brutal. Yes, it was youth who made up the bulk of the protest, but it wasn't just youth - and it wasn't just because SARS was demanding to see their phones.
Donald Trump is sadly popular in Nigeria (particularly among young men), so yeah, maga meaning fool in pidgin, definitely unrelated.
posted by coffeecat at 11:44 AM on July 24, 2023 [30 favorites]
Yeah, "pushed to the brink by their circumstances," wait until your 80-year old stubbornly-independent widower Mom on a pension falls for the guy texting from "Apple" and you have to spend weeks and weeks cleaning up the damage while she experiences deep depression and violation.
My similarly aged mother is pretty tech-phobic, but luckily worked for the BBB for years and recognizes a scam when she sees one. It's made our "no really, you can learn to text" lessons a little easier, because she gets the hazards quickly.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 12:21 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
My similarly aged mother is pretty tech-phobic, but luckily worked for the BBB for years and recognizes a scam when she sees one. It's made our "no really, you can learn to text" lessons a little easier, because she gets the hazards quickly.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 12:21 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
My similarly aged mother is pretty tech-phobic, but luckily worked for the BBB for years and recognizes a scam when she sees one.
Regardless of how confident you feel in your Mom's ability to discern scams, get ready for it to happen. My Mom was neither tech-phobic nor gullible, and we had talked about (and she had been contacted by) scams before. The right scammer, with the right message, one who has something that looks like a link to an actual corporate site, they're ready to take advantage - as they were for my Mom.
My only advice is to keep in touch with your elderly Mom or Dad, if you can. Once or twice a week. Let them know, if there are any doubts whatsoever about anything, they are completely free to call any time. There will be false alarms, in which you say "that looks fine, but I'm glad you called". Sometimes, as in my case, after years of discussions about scams, they get in touch and it's a real, real problem. It could have been worse. Best to be in touch. Their instinct to double-check with you on something of any serious amount of money might be the only thing keeping them from being drained.
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 1:17 PM on July 24, 2023 [11 favorites]
Regardless of how confident you feel in your Mom's ability to discern scams, get ready for it to happen. My Mom was neither tech-phobic nor gullible, and we had talked about (and she had been contacted by) scams before. The right scammer, with the right message, one who has something that looks like a link to an actual corporate site, they're ready to take advantage - as they were for my Mom.
My only advice is to keep in touch with your elderly Mom or Dad, if you can. Once or twice a week. Let them know, if there are any doubts whatsoever about anything, they are completely free to call any time. There will be false alarms, in which you say "that looks fine, but I'm glad you called". Sometimes, as in my case, after years of discussions about scams, they get in touch and it's a real, real problem. It could have been worse. Best to be in touch. Their instinct to double-check with you on something of any serious amount of money might be the only thing keeping them from being drained.
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 1:17 PM on July 24, 2023 [11 favorites]
It's an ugly business, eating people.
Probably sucks for the people being eaten, too.
posted by gtrwolf at 1:57 PM on July 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
Probably sucks for the people being eaten, too.
posted by gtrwolf at 1:57 PM on July 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
I figured it out before the text even arrived, but in the moment I was fooled. I was fooled because it was a boss with whom I'd had a fraught relationship, at least in my head, and I was flattered that the person had reached out to me and wanted to respond immediately
I recently came as close as I ever have to falling for a scam, via Facebook. Someone spoofing a friend sent me a message about a supposed grant program for people in poverty. I left my marriage of 30 years last fall, and have gotten a lot of help from friends in that time, in the form of gifts, loans, and help finding resources. I am indeed living below the poverty line; spousal support has not been set up yet; my hourly job at a college has long breaks between semesters, including nearly a full month in May. I'd have spotted the red flags immediately if the message hadn't been so close to many real messages I've gotten over the past year: Have you heard about this program? I can hook you up with this great food program through my church. Would it help if I lent you $500, no interest?
It didn't take long to see through it--a supposed government program that you apply for via a "form" sent to you as a Facebook message? No. But that I was susceptible at all spoke to the pitch getting to me in the right form at the right time. It shook me up a little.
posted by Well I never at 2:00 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
I recently came as close as I ever have to falling for a scam, via Facebook. Someone spoofing a friend sent me a message about a supposed grant program for people in poverty. I left my marriage of 30 years last fall, and have gotten a lot of help from friends in that time, in the form of gifts, loans, and help finding resources. I am indeed living below the poverty line; spousal support has not been set up yet; my hourly job at a college has long breaks between semesters, including nearly a full month in May. I'd have spotted the red flags immediately if the message hadn't been so close to many real messages I've gotten over the past year: Have you heard about this program? I can hook you up with this great food program through my church. Would it help if I lent you $500, no interest?
It didn't take long to see through it--a supposed government program that you apply for via a "form" sent to you as a Facebook message? No. But that I was susceptible at all spoke to the pitch getting to me in the right form at the right time. It shook me up a little.
posted by Well I never at 2:00 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
Also, given that the main guy interviewed has made 30,000 in 10 years (i.e. 3k a year), most are clearly not scamming people out of that much.
My elderly mother is a pretty sensible and savvy woman, and she's smart. But she didn't have the opportunity to get a lot of education, and she has a lifetime of self-esteem problems around her intelligence; she hates not knowing things, she's hypersensitive to people pointing out mistakes, she dwells on that sort of thing.
Whoever got her with a gift-card scam via her friend's email got a couple hundred bucks she could easily afford, and left behind weeks of depression. Clearly not that much.
posted by Superilla at 2:06 PM on July 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
My elderly mother is a pretty sensible and savvy woman, and she's smart. But she didn't have the opportunity to get a lot of education, and she has a lifetime of self-esteem problems around her intelligence; she hates not knowing things, she's hypersensitive to people pointing out mistakes, she dwells on that sort of thing.
Whoever got her with a gift-card scam via her friend's email got a couple hundred bucks she could easily afford, and left behind weeks of depression. Clearly not that much.
posted by Superilla at 2:06 PM on July 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
My heart goes out to all of you whose family members have fallen for scams. I have a dear friend whose father has lost over a hundred thousand dollars to scammers; they caught him in the early stages of dementia. It's really devastating.
posted by Well I never at 2:07 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Well I never at 2:07 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
I don’t have a clever insight to link them, but I just wanted to say this essay reminds me of the recent Behind the Bastards episodes about kidnapping conspiracy theories, which includes descriptions of eerily targeted kidnapping scams. Part one came out on July 17 and part two on July 19th. In the second episode, the host and his guest get into how older folks are especially vulnerable to scans in general. Harrowing stuff
posted by Suedeltica at 2:51 PM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Suedeltica at 2:51 PM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
And we’ll all be elderly someday and you may find yourself more vulnerable than you can imagine. The scams will change to find you. Best to put in serious barriers now. It won’t happen, though, the American grifting system relies too much on loose regulations to get their own claws into you (crap insurance, miscellaneous healthcare charges, usurious interest rates, multi-level marketing, timeshares you can’t discharge, inflation killing your college savings plans for your kids, the stock market effing with your retirement, etc.). A person is allowed to give all their money to a random individual outside of the country. They are allowed to invest in risky stocks that annihilate any gains. They are allowed to choose high deductible and crappy insurance in order to afford the day-to-day even if it bankrupts them later. These victims end up burdening their children’s financial resources and ultimately the state.
Our lonely and BPD in-law is not only vulnerable due to her various mental health struggles and willingness to talk to anyone but she fell hard for the first scam post-divorce. Vulnerable. The shame at getting conned is one factor. The enticing idea of the drama and excitement of a far away man interested in HER is another factor. We can’t fill that longing for excitement and drama by regular contact alone. I wish we could hire a service to scam her but not really scam her. The money could get funneled back into a savings account. Last time we told her that for every dollar she sent out of the country, we would put a dollar in her grandkids’ college fund. She didn’t like that so she’s trying to be extra sneaky now. None of the grandparents have any interest in college funds.
posted by amanda at 3:43 PM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
Our lonely and BPD in-law is not only vulnerable due to her various mental health struggles and willingness to talk to anyone but she fell hard for the first scam post-divorce. Vulnerable. The shame at getting conned is one factor. The enticing idea of the drama and excitement of a far away man interested in HER is another factor. We can’t fill that longing for excitement and drama by regular contact alone. I wish we could hire a service to scam her but not really scam her. The money could get funneled back into a savings account. Last time we told her that for every dollar she sent out of the country, we would put a dollar in her grandkids’ college fund. She didn’t like that so she’s trying to be extra sneaky now. None of the grandparents have any interest in college funds.
posted by amanda at 3:43 PM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
I have empathy for both sides of this -- the people that want love or just someone to talk to & the people who see this as a way to make money.
I think we all think we wouldn't fall for it but I also know it's easy.
Earlier this year, I got a text saying something like "I'll see you at the basketball game." Me, being a decent person, replied "hey, you have the wrong number." There was a bit more back and forth and then I got a photo of a woman with a message like "I hope we can be friends anyway." At that point, I deleted and blocked. But I could see how someone might fall for it -- I did take the initial bait.
posted by edencosmic at 4:12 PM on July 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
I think we all think we wouldn't fall for it but I also know it's easy.
Earlier this year, I got a text saying something like "I'll see you at the basketball game." Me, being a decent person, replied "hey, you have the wrong number." There was a bit more back and forth and then I got a photo of a woman with a message like "I hope we can be friends anyway." At that point, I deleted and blocked. But I could see how someone might fall for it -- I did take the initial bait.
posted by edencosmic at 4:12 PM on July 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
We can’t fill that longing for excitement and drama by regular contact alone.
This is something it took me and my siblings a long time to realize, and that I think lots of people don't necessarily grasp immediately when talking about the role of family connections (or lack thereof) in these situations. No amount of thoughtful phone calls or lunches or check-in visits from kids, grandchildren, whatever, can (or should!!!) fulfill the longing for intimacy, romance, sexual connection, etc. that a lot of these people are desperately searching for and not finding.
posted by peakes at 4:18 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
This is something it took me and my siblings a long time to realize, and that I think lots of people don't necessarily grasp immediately when talking about the role of family connections (or lack thereof) in these situations. No amount of thoughtful phone calls or lunches or check-in visits from kids, grandchildren, whatever, can (or should!!!) fulfill the longing for intimacy, romance, sexual connection, etc. that a lot of these people are desperately searching for and not finding.
posted by peakes at 4:18 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
Regardless of how confident you feel in your Mom's ability to discern scams, get ready for it to happen. My Mom was neither tech-phobic nor gullible, and we had talked about (and she had been contacted by) scams before. The right scammer, with the right message, one who has something that looks like a link to an actual corporate site, they're ready to take advantage - as they were for my Mom.
Yep, they got my mom because she googled "[tax program] customer support phone number" and Google was cool with displaying her a page of fraudulent numbers. She actually figured it out pretty fast afterwards, but not fast enough to stop the payment. "Only" a few hundred bucks, but it's not like she has a vulgarly large income to live on.
Much of my career has been working on fraud-related litigations. anybody can get got. a. ny. bo. dy. And that's before senior cognitive decline kicks in!
posted by praemunire at 5:07 PM on July 24, 2023 [13 favorites]
Yep, they got my mom because she googled "[tax program] customer support phone number" and Google was cool with displaying her a page of fraudulent numbers. She actually figured it out pretty fast afterwards, but not fast enough to stop the payment. "Only" a few hundred bucks, but it's not like she has a vulgarly large income to live on.
Much of my career has been working on fraud-related litigations. anybody can get got. a. ny. bo. dy. And that's before senior cognitive decline kicks in!
posted by praemunire at 5:07 PM on July 24, 2023 [13 favorites]
The playbook for romance scamming starts with creating, buying, or hacking a social media account to pretend to be another person,
Which is why you fb account gets cloned. Once it has some friends, it gets some credibility and value, and is sold. And Facebook does fuck-all about it.
Social networks like facebook or twitter could be places where people connect, could be ways to diminish loneliness. And could still make money. I assume Zuck has a deep disdain for people.
posted by theora55 at 6:05 PM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
Which is why you fb account gets cloned. Once it has some friends, it gets some credibility and value, and is sold. And Facebook does fuck-all about it.
Social networks like facebook or twitter could be places where people connect, could be ways to diminish loneliness. And could still make money. I assume Zuck has a deep disdain for people.
posted by theora55 at 6:05 PM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
I have empathy for both sides of this
That's a shame (work at a financial...spend a lot of time with the fraud team).
There's one side that's being pure and simple stolen from, usually (especially) because they're vulnerable and are targeted for that.
The side doing the fucking (according to my very well informed fraud team with feet on the ground in some of these jurisdictions) is fucking people for personal gain as part of organized crime organizations; think whole call center buildings being dual-used for legitimate use and fraud at the same time. This isn't generally some one-man operation. And usually use one of two excuses when confronted: "the mark can afford it because they're American" (or more generally Western) and "I'm poor and this is the only way I can get by". Neither is true, but if you're uncritical enough, I guess you buy it. And if your ethics says "that makes it ok", I dunno what to say. You hear about the rube who lost $50K or $100k, and laugh at the one who lost $500k, because that's cringe-worthy and full of schadenfreude. You don't hear about the person who lost a couple of hundred or thousand, that because not everyone in the US is rich is now deciding "food or meds or neither this month".
posted by kjs3 at 9:36 PM on July 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
That's a shame (work at a financial...spend a lot of time with the fraud team).
There's one side that's being pure and simple stolen from, usually (especially) because they're vulnerable and are targeted for that.
The side doing the fucking (according to my very well informed fraud team with feet on the ground in some of these jurisdictions) is fucking people for personal gain as part of organized crime organizations; think whole call center buildings being dual-used for legitimate use and fraud at the same time. This isn't generally some one-man operation. And usually use one of two excuses when confronted: "the mark can afford it because they're American" (or more generally Western) and "I'm poor and this is the only way I can get by". Neither is true, but if you're uncritical enough, I guess you buy it. And if your ethics says "that makes it ok", I dunno what to say. You hear about the rube who lost $50K or $100k, and laugh at the one who lost $500k, because that's cringe-worthy and full of schadenfreude. You don't hear about the person who lost a couple of hundred or thousand, that because not everyone in the US is rich is now deciding "food or meds or neither this month".
posted by kjs3 at 9:36 PM on July 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
be on the lookout for spelling errors for exactly the opposite reason: Scammers include them on purpose to weed out the careful, attentive and intelligent
That's the sort of misdirection that'll make you think you've seen the scammers but actually hides the dangerous ones. Beware the obvious-bots; they'll make you think you've seen the truth
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 10:01 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
That's the sort of misdirection that'll make you think you've seen the scammers but actually hides the dangerous ones. Beware the obvious-bots; they'll make you think you've seen the truth
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 10:01 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
Neither is true,
I have not been to Nigeria, but I have spent plenty of time in West Africa, and it is definitely true that many people there have a very warped sense of what poverty looks like in America and whether we even have it. I have literally been called a liar for saying the US has homeless people. And not by anyone who has a vested interest in believing all Americans are wealthy.
posted by solotoro at 10:12 PM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
I have not been to Nigeria, but I have spent plenty of time in West Africa, and it is definitely true that many people there have a very warped sense of what poverty looks like in America and whether we even have it. I have literally been called a liar for saying the US has homeless people. And not by anyone who has a vested interest in believing all Americans are wealthy.
posted by solotoro at 10:12 PM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
Kwei Quartey is a Ghanian-American mystery novelist, and he has a great novel set in Accra about these schemes in Ghana, The Missing American. A lot of these same ideas, including a deep dive into the buying of rituals and talismans for better luck in these scams, with lots of good details written to help a non-Ghanian audience understand what's going on.
posted by hydropsyche at 7:41 AM on July 25, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by hydropsyche at 7:41 AM on July 25, 2023 [5 favorites]
The side doing the fucking (according to my very well informed fraud team with feet on the ground in some of these jurisdictions) is fucking people for personal gain as part of organized crime organizations; think whole call center buildings being dual-used for legitimate use and fraud at the same time.
This is one area of information that has seemed to, at times, break through to my MIL. She doesn't want to be involved in the exploitation of a poor person in a far away place. We told her about these "boiler room" type situations where people are basically being held against their will (sometimes) to work long hours for very little pay. By sending any sums of money, you are just supporting the servitude of these people. This generation hates the idea of a "handout" being used for something they don't approve of in their gut. It's along the idea of never giving a beggar money because they'll just "use it for drugs or alcohol." Don't give them any money because it doesn't go to them, it goes to the bosses and just makes more servitude. Unfortunately, she's always sure that the next desperate military man 20 years younger than her who lives far away and needs the help of an elderly diabetic in a retirement community is the real deal.
posted by amanda at 8:59 AM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
This is one area of information that has seemed to, at times, break through to my MIL. She doesn't want to be involved in the exploitation of a poor person in a far away place. We told her about these "boiler room" type situations where people are basically being held against their will (sometimes) to work long hours for very little pay. By sending any sums of money, you are just supporting the servitude of these people. This generation hates the idea of a "handout" being used for something they don't approve of in their gut. It's along the idea of never giving a beggar money because they'll just "use it for drugs or alcohol." Don't give them any money because it doesn't go to them, it goes to the bosses and just makes more servitude. Unfortunately, she's always sure that the next desperate military man 20 years younger than her who lives far away and needs the help of an elderly diabetic in a retirement community is the real deal.
posted by amanda at 8:59 AM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
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