Can't Buy a Schlitz

July 25, 2023 10:27 AM

Steely Dan's Schlitz Beer Jingle

Originally recorded shortly before Countdown to Ecstacy in 1972, previously unreleased (American Songwriter, Brooklyn Vegan, Stereogum, Vulture)

posted by box (73 comments total)

I am at my desk so can't listen yet. But I am titillated with anticipation.

I'm hoping it foreshadows later works:

"I crossed my old man in Oregon, don't buy me a Hamms."
"Drink malt liquor all night long, and die behind the wheel."
"Is there Schlitz in the bar? Yes there's Schlitz in the baaaaar!"
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:39 AM on July 25, 2023 [22 favorites]

I don't care anymore
Why you run around
Break away
Just when it
Seems so clear
Time to call it quits
Drink your pint of Schlitz
And get out of here
posted by hangashore at 10:42 AM on July 25, 2023 [14 favorites]

I'm hoping it foreshadows later works:

See the glory of the royal scam
posted by hangashore at 10:44 AM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

What's the price ?
posted by MonsieurPEB at 10:48 AM on July 25, 2023

🎵You know I'm through with Bud
Yes, I'm through with Bud
Alright
Oh yeah
Uh huh🎵
posted by lumensimus at 10:55 AM on July 25, 2023 [9 favorites]

I've never heard of Schlitz beer. I assume the name inspired the name of the beer in the the Schmitts Gay Saturday Night Live parody commercial?
posted by ElKevbo at 10:56 AM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Schmidts beer was also a thing, but I imagine they were riffing on Schlitz and its working class marketing demographic.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:00 AM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

Came for the song parodies, left satisfied!
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:01 AM on July 25, 2023

I'm furious with myself that I whiffed on "I crossed my old man back in Oregon, don't buy me a Hamms." The flow is just all wrong without the "back."
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:03 AM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

Schiiilitz, it will come back on you
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:13 AM on July 25, 2023 [12 favorites]

A six-pack, Jack, and drink it again...
posted by Saxon Kane at 11:13 AM on July 25, 2023 [12 favorites]

Wow, I can't imagine anything that captures the early 1970s zeitgeist better than a Schlitz Beer jingle by Steely Dan.
posted by smcdow at 11:15 AM on July 25, 2023 [9 favorites]

Where is the gusto, amigo?
Why are they sitting in their rustic dark cantina
As Teri Garr threatens you?
posted by credulous at 11:15 AM on July 25, 2023 [9 favorites]

The girls don't seem to care tonight
As long as the Stroh's is iced
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:17 AM on July 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

I saw this the other day and delighted in it, especially given my Dan-derived user name and my semi-recent, Schlitz-related AskMe.
posted by Dr. Wu at 11:17 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

So, Dr. Wu... all night long, would you sing that stupid song?
posted by hangashore at 11:20 AM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

This would go well with the Schlitz poster of dogs playing poker I had in my room when I was 11.
posted by Liquidwolf at 11:27 AM on July 25, 2023

I went right to the video and thought this was another GPT-4 breakthrough but noooooooooooo. This is great!
posted by JoeZydeco at 11:34 AM on July 25, 2023

As Teri Garr threatens you?

I was nearly halfway through that when I said, "Hey, that's not Terry Gross!"
posted by neuron at 11:43 AM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

Katie lied,
You can see it in her eyes.
But imagine my surprise
when I saw BREW!
posted by tristeza at 11:54 AM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

Please take me along when you Schlitz on down....
posted by tristeza at 11:55 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

I stepped up on the platform
The man gave me the news
He said, You must be joking son!
Where did you get those brews?
Where did you get those breeewwwws?

(sorry, i'll see myself out)
posted by tristeza at 11:58 AM on July 25, 2023 [7 favorites]

How is this even real?
posted by ob1quixote at 12:15 PM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

Reelin’ in the Beers, surely
posted by Jon_Evil at 12:18 PM on July 25, 2023 [27 favorites]

Reelin’ in the Beers, surely

Yep, that's the one
posted by kensington314 at 12:20 PM on July 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

Hey, nineteen
No, we can't drink together (We can't drink together)
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 12:26 PM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

It's not bad, but the parodies are far better than the actual song (when you're out of Schlitz, you're out of beer is the chorus, and apparently some marketing copy for Schlitz). And why is the Spanish at the beginning (that for some reason is being translated by one of the Dan singers) sound like it's being spoken by someone sucking helium? Is that supposed to be a nod to Speedy Gonzales?
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:34 PM on July 25, 2023

Schmitts Gay Saturday Night Live parody commercial with the original Van Halen "Beautiful Girls."
posted by kirkaracha at 12:43 PM on July 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

Wait, so this isn't some clever parody? It's actually real?
posted by Naberius at 12:47 PM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Needs more cowbell. Oh, wait
posted by fuse theorem at 12:54 PM on July 25, 2023

As Teri Garr threatens you?

Aw shit this might have awakened something in me
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 12:55 PM on July 25, 2023 [8 favorites]

that bit at the beginning where he hands the unfinished beer to the pre-teen kid, who immediately takes a swig -- that's the 1972, I remember.
posted by philip-random at 1:03 PM on July 25, 2023 [9 favorites]

Could it be that I have downed my foam at last?
posted by newmoistness at 1:32 PM on July 25, 2023 [13 favorites]

that bit at the beginning where he hands the unfinished beer to the pre-teen kid, who immediately takes a swig -- that's the 1972, I remember.

One of the first complete sentences I can remember saying as a child was "Daddy, can I have a sip?" as I reached for my father's Miller High Life pony bottle on our back deck. I could NY have been more than 3 or 4 at the time.
posted by KingEdRa at 1:44 PM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

Is there Pabst in the car?
Yes, there's Pabst in the car.
I think the people down the hall
Know who you are
posted by milnak at 2:23 PM on July 25, 2023 [12 favorites]

Now, when you're out of slits, well, that's something else.
posted by doctornemo at 2:38 PM on July 25, 2023 [7 favorites]

That absolutely sounds like something Steely Dan would whip up in between other things.
posted by drewbage1847 at 3:13 PM on July 25, 2023

Teri Garr serving the working man cold Schlitz to the smooth mellow sound of Steely Dan?

To quote another 70s wonder:

Everyone is trying to get to the bar
The name of the bar, the bar is called Heaven

posted by chavenet at 3:27 PM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

A little surprised nobody's mentioned Neil Young's This Note's For You thus far in this conversation.
posted by hippybear at 3:44 PM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

that bit at the beginning where he hands the unfinished beer to the pre-teen kid, who immediately takes a swig -- that's the 1972, I remember.

And the tight zoom on the Adult Movies sign! And the band photos! And let's be honest, Becker and Fagan had faces made for radio.
posted by slogger at 4:23 PM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

This sounds way better on vinyl steel pull top cans.
posted by loquacious at 4:28 PM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

Rikki Don't Lose That Lager
posted by kirkaracha at 4:35 PM on July 25, 2023 [11 favorites]

doctornemo

Oh good Lord. I didn't need to click on that, but I did and I'm glad. It was a long time coming, and I didn't figure it out until about 4 minutes in, but dads everywhere probably love it*.

*Or probably did love it when Schlitz was more of a household name
posted by mmrtnt at 4:37 PM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

A little surprised nobody's mentioned Neil Young's This Note's For You yt thus far in this conversation.

LOL, my first thought was Leon Redbone.
posted by Theophrastus Johnson at 4:57 PM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

dads everywhere probably love it

As a dad, mmrtnt, I did have to explain it to my kids.
posted by doctornemo at 5:07 PM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

I heard it was you
Talkin' 'bout a world where all drink free
It just couldn't be
And only a drunk would say that

Jiji, solamente un borracho lo mencionara
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 5:18 PM on July 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

One of the first complete sentences I can remember saying as a child was "Daddy, can I have a sip?" as I reached for my father's Miller High Life pony bottle on our back deck. I could NY have been more than 3 or 4 at the time.

For me, I was about 5, and the beer my dad used to drink was in fact Schlitz.
posted by zardoz at 5:34 PM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

Ain't never gonna do it without the saison
posted by credulous at 5:41 PM on July 25, 2023 [6 favorites]

Wow, I can't imagine anything that captures the early 1970s zeitgeist better than a Schlitz Beer jingle by Steely Dan.

How about accidentally knocking over an ornate mirror with an ounce of bam bam into a 3" deep purple shag carpet?
posted by loquacious at 5:45 PM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

We’ve seen the last of good canned Schmidt’ses
Ring up a tab, the pack is gone, and gone,
Pull out some cash, and order a pitcher,
Raise up your glass for good clean Schlitz
posted by box at 5:45 PM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Wow, I can't imagine anything that captures the early 1970s zeitgeist better than a Schlitz Beer jingle by Steely Dan.

I would agree, but coming up a close second is Edd Kalehoff for Schaefer Beer.

(If it sounds familiar, Kalehoff wrote a number of TV themes including The Price is Right. As a mefite put it: "the Schaefer Beer theme is the song I want them to play as I march through the gates of Heaven.")
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:00 PM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Pretty hard to compete with ”When You Say Bud”
posted by brachiopod at 6:10 PM on July 25, 2023

Dave Mason for Miller - 1982
posted by mmrtnt at 6:16 PM on July 25, 2023

original coke addict for pale lager
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:33 PM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

That Edd Kalehoff video doubles as a PSA about the dangers of cocaine.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 6:33 PM on July 25, 2023

Coming late to this thread and having watched the video and read all the comments, I love everybody in this bar.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 7:25 PM on July 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

I was a beer can collector back in the 70s. I know Schlitz, I know Schmidt's. I remember Billy Dee Williams, back when Malt Liquor was king...

How about Country Club, Pearl, and Goetz? (My neighbors were the Goetz).

And keep the parodies coming.
posted by Windopaene at 8:02 PM on July 25, 2023

OK, just watched. The definition of the Steely Dan sound around then? Yeah, still totally works.

wouldn't think they would do that, but that could have been a #1 song.
posted by Windopaene at 8:06 PM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

I am old enough to have been a legal drinker at 18 which in NY in the 70s meant if you could walk up to the bar and say beer and then show your brother's altered paper license then you were served. My HS friends and I were regulars at the age of 16 at a local old man's bar.

Schlitz, Schmidts, Schaeffer, Miller High Life ponies, Utica Club, etc were our beers of choice. Why? Price. Low price with little taste but the same 5% alcohol content.

It was the Schaeffer jingle and commercial with the new delivery driver being hazed to sing the jingle that my friends and I would quote. The one beer to have when you are having more than one. All they left out was and are driving home all buzzed. I guess beer advertising hasn't changed much but is more politically correct in its verbiage. Now they advertise buying a suitcase of 18 or 24 beers for the weekend.

But, I have to admit the Steely Dan commercial has its great surrealistic moments. Drink this beer and go to an adult movie!
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:05 PM on July 25, 2023

I love cheap canned beer and usually keep a case in my garage fridge. Don’t think I’ve had any Schlitz, but Stroh’s, Hamm’s, High Life, Narragansett are all regulars. Just picked up some Genny Cream Ale today!
posted by slogger at 10:21 PM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

You can also slake your thirst with a Falstaff beer, as pitched by Cream on the radio in 1967. (YouTube audio clip).
posted by JDC8 at 11:56 PM on July 25, 2023

I ain't never going back
To my old brew
posted by chavenet at 1:47 AM on July 26, 2023 [7 favorites]

“that bit at the beginning where he hands the unfinished beer to the pre-teen kid, who immediately takes a swig -- that's the 1972, I remember.”

No shit, I have a photo of my dad feeding me beer in a baby-bottle at a party. (This was recently disavowed by my mother, but that wasn't the story for the preceding fifty years.) My parents (who were young) occasionally let me have some of their beer with a bit of salt. Just the other day for no apparent reason I had a sense memory of the taste and it was interesting because it's pretty distinct in my memory from beer I drank later. Fallibility of memory or the keen taste buds of children?

This post is slightly unfortunate because I went on a Steely Dan kick a few months ago and I've had rotating earworms of portions of their songs constantly in my head ever since. That's relatively tolerable, though, after having had fucking "Sweet Home Alabama" stuck in my head for an unbelievable 18 months a couple years ago.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:32 AM on July 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

I have an old friend who has a tendency to do nostalgia-driven deep dives on stuff. He was a bar manager for awhile and got a little obsessed with Schlitz, and he loved to explain all the details behind the "the Schlitz Mistake," which is an interesting bit of business history. He eventually found a distributor and for a nice stretch of the 90s we enjoyed $1 Schlitz Sundays. Good times.
posted by mcdoublewide at 6:52 AM on July 26, 2023 [3 favorites]

Thanks for that link, mcdoublewide. I love that kind of history.

It's also great to know the Uihlein tradition of fucking things up didn't start with the current generation.
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:41 AM on July 26, 2023 [3 favorites]

The PBR
The fine Colombian
Make tonight a wonderful thing

(Oof, that Teri Garr ad! Let me just casually make the waitress sit on my lap as she serves me beer...)
posted by Ben Trismegistus at 7:48 AM on July 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

I can't let a Schlitz post pass without linking to the Schlitz "tied houses" that are scattered about Chicago (and Milwaukee too, I think). Gives you some sense that the brand once meant something more than "crappy beer," at least in the late 1800s.
posted by Mid at 8:13 AM on July 26, 2023 [3 favorites]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Schlitz_Brewing_Company
posted by wellvis at 9:08 AM on July 26, 2023

I’m holding the typical beer
It’s from old Milwaukee
Where brewers are rollin in the dough
Far from the bars we know

Children we have it right here
Its the slur in my voice
It’s the flab on my butt
It’s the cause of my gut

Tonight when I drain the flagon
The lager will turn to frequent wee
And the color will stay the same
Keep beering me
posted by newmoistness at 11:58 AM on July 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

Keg... it will come back to you...
... it's your favorite foreign brewery....
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 1:46 PM on July 26, 2023 [4 favorites]

The best Steely Dan samples are found in both hip-hop and brew-hops.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 2:47 PM on July 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

Schlitz, the beer that made Milwaukee Famous. Glenn Sutton wrote a good one about this: What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made A Loser Out Of Me
posted by blob at 5:37 PM on July 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

The Beer That Made Mel Famey Walk Us
(Look it up, I'm too lazy to type it all out)
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:06 PM on July 26, 2023