There's a Manual for That
August 25, 2023 11:07 AM Subscribe
- How to draw Ronald McDonald
- How to be a Playboy bunny
- How to care for your Pet Rock
- How to run the Haunted Mansion
- How to fly to the Moon
- How to commit sabotage
Ronald McDonald is a CLOWN.
Did a jilted ex-lover write this?
posted by uncleozzy at 11:24 AM on August 25, 2023 [10 favorites]
Did a jilted ex-lover write this?
posted by uncleozzy at 11:24 AM on August 25, 2023 [10 favorites]
Favoriting this SO HARD. (Mods: need a "Flag as Fantastic" for posts, too, please.)
The Frontier Village Phone Girl Guide is fascinating.
Imagewriter User's Manual! Pretty sure I had that Imagewriter. (BUT. You really need the ThunderScan User's Guide to go with it.)
I was much more intrigued by the Concept Unification Installation Manual before I saw it was a Chuck E. Cheese thing.
CIA Style Manual is the name of my next band.
This is so, so, so cool. (And a wonderful example of excellent curation, where the collection both highlights things the collector finds especially interesting, and also encourages visitors to go off on their own searches.)
Thank you for creating this, Jason, and thank you for posting it, Horace Rumpole! Just wonderful.
posted by kristi at 11:34 AM on August 25, 2023 [8 favorites]
The Frontier Village Phone Girl Guide is fascinating.
Imagewriter User's Manual! Pretty sure I had that Imagewriter. (BUT. You really need the ThunderScan User's Guide to go with it.)
I was much more intrigued by the Concept Unification Installation Manual before I saw it was a Chuck E. Cheese thing.
CIA Style Manual is the name of my next band.
This is so, so, so cool. (And a wonderful example of excellent curation, where the collection both highlights things the collector finds especially interesting, and also encourages visitors to go off on their own searches.)
Thank you for creating this, Jason, and thank you for posting it, Horace Rumpole! Just wonderful.
posted by kristi at 11:34 AM on August 25, 2023 [8 favorites]
(Mods: need a "Flag as Fantastic" for posts, too, please.)
Not to put my thumb on the scale inappropriately, but you can in fact flag a post that way.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 11:47 AM on August 25, 2023 [6 favorites]
Not to put my thumb on the scale inappropriately, but you can in fact flag a post that way.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 11:47 AM on August 25, 2023 [6 favorites]
How to care for your Pet Rock
Honest to gawd, we were browsing through a gift store a couple of weeks ago, and they had Pet Rocks! In the box and everything. And not old stock. Someone’s still...er...making? them.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:00 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
Honest to gawd, we were browsing through a gift store a couple of weeks ago, and they had Pet Rocks! In the box and everything. And not old stock. Someone’s still...er...making? them.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:00 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
Some more recommended manuals:
* How to Avoid Huge Ships by Captain John W. Trimmer
* CIA Flaps and Seals Manual by John M. Harrison
(After reading the latter I was surprised to find that some of the material had previously appeared in the 2nd-century "Alexander the Oracle-monger" by Lucian of Samosata.)
posted by cyanistes at 12:05 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
* How to Avoid Huge Ships by Captain John W. Trimmer
* CIA Flaps and Seals Manual by John M. Harrison
(After reading the latter I was surprised to find that some of the material had previously appeared in the 2nd-century "Alexander the Oracle-monger" by Lucian of Samosata.)
posted by cyanistes at 12:05 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
The CIA style manual breaks its own rule about the serial comma in the section about the serial comma. I wonder how many people called that out since 2011 when this edition was published.
posted by emelenjr at 12:12 PM on August 25, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by emelenjr at 12:12 PM on August 25, 2023 [6 favorites]
you can in fact flag a post that way
So you can! And so I have! Thanks for pointing that out! (I keep forgetting that the [!] is a flag link.)
Fantastic!
posted by kristi at 12:15 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
So you can! And so I have! Thanks for pointing that out! (I keep forgetting that the [!] is a flag link.)
Fantastic!
posted by kristi at 12:15 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
Same Jason Scott who runs textfiles.com?
Very nice guy! I had a BBS board on a small server for a few friends to mess about on around the turn of the century and we dropped a link to the site. He signed up to the board and thanked us for the interest. We were jazzed that he took the time!
I snagged so many files from there and read them on palm pilots, pocket pc’s, game boys, iPod touch… it was the start of my love for digital reading.
Awesome! I’ll have to check out these offerings!
posted by kabong the wiser at 12:18 PM on August 25, 2023 [5 favorites]
Very nice guy! I had a BBS board on a small server for a few friends to mess about on around the turn of the century and we dropped a link to the site. He signed up to the board and thanked us for the interest. We were jazzed that he took the time!
I snagged so many files from there and read them on palm pilots, pocket pc’s, game boys, iPod touch… it was the start of my love for digital reading.
Awesome! I’ll have to check out these offerings!
posted by kabong the wiser at 12:18 PM on August 25, 2023 [5 favorites]
TIL: Never piss off the bunny mother.
posted by bondcliff at 12:18 PM on August 25, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by bondcliff at 12:18 PM on August 25, 2023 [9 favorites]
How to fly to the Moon
Step 1: Fly to the Moon
Step 2: Play among the stars
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:22 PM on August 25, 2023 [15 favorites]
Step 1: Fly to the Moon
Step 2: Play among the stars
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:22 PM on August 25, 2023 [15 favorites]
* How to Avoid Huge Ships by Captain John W. Trimmer
Thank goodness I don't have to pay a fortune at Amazon.
posted by May Kasahara at 12:31 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
Thank goodness I don't have to pay a fortune at Amazon.
posted by May Kasahara at 12:31 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
How to draw Ronald McDonald
This book did helpfully confirm something for me. The recent Grimace shake meme had me wondering if I was mistaken that there was a Plastic Paddy version of Grimace but no there he is in all his Oirish glory - Uncle O'Grimacey.
posted by Ashwagandha at 12:50 PM on August 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
This book did helpfully confirm something for me. The recent Grimace shake meme had me wondering if I was mistaken that there was a Plastic Paddy version of Grimace but no there he is in all his Oirish glory - Uncle O'Grimacey.
posted by Ashwagandha at 12:50 PM on August 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
Hah! I was preparing a post on this very topic, but you beat me to it. As my revenge, you may all witness the horrors of The Mcdonaldland Specification Manual. Look at that guy on page one; is that not the smile of a man who knows what was really in that Shamrock Shake you just drank?
The OSS' Simple Sabotage Field Manual is also great. I add it to any course I teach as mandatory reading, "...not because I want you to sabotage anything, though that will be in your power. But I want you to be able to recognize and have a language for understanding for when it's being done to you, and so that you know that when this happens it isn't an accident. It's a strategy."
posted by mhoye at 12:52 PM on August 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
The OSS' Simple Sabotage Field Manual is also great. I add it to any course I teach as mandatory reading, "...not because I want you to sabotage anything, though that will be in your power. But I want you to be able to recognize and have a language for understanding for when it's being done to you, and so that you know that when this happens it isn't an accident. It's a strategy."
posted by mhoye at 12:52 PM on August 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
you can in fact flag a post that way
So you can! And so I have! Thanks for pointing that out! (I keep forgetting that the [!] is a flag link.)
Fantastic!
And I do believe that flagging as fantastic is how things get moved to the sidebar.
This is a great post, I had a pet rock and I RTFM.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:52 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
So you can! And so I have! Thanks for pointing that out! (I keep forgetting that the [!] is a flag link.)
Fantastic!
And I do believe that flagging as fantastic is how things get moved to the sidebar.
This is a great post, I had a pet rock and I RTFM.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:52 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
If your Pirates of the Caribbean ride has broken down, we've got you covered. (US Versions only)
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:57 PM on August 25, 2023
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:57 PM on August 25, 2023
Or maybe you want to drive the Mark IV Monorail.
posted by JoeZydeco at 1:12 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by JoeZydeco at 1:12 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
Though not exactly a digitized manual, were we perchance mentioned?
posted by y2karl at 1:16 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by y2karl at 1:16 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
I really like how the Saturn V manual describes such a dizzyingly powerful machine in such matter-of-fact language:
PERCEPTIBLE PRELAUNCH EVENTS
[...] When pressurization of the IU supply sphere ends at T-31 minutes, it is likely that the sound of the pressurization of the S-IC supply and purge will blend with the cold helium sphere pressurization sound and be indiscernible as such in the CM. In this manner, the sounds of the remainder of the items illustrated will rise and fall, join and separate, to form the sound of the Saturn V. At approximately T-6.1 seconds all sounds are hidden by the ignition of the engines on the S-IC.
posted by teraflop at 1:27 PM on August 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
PERCEPTIBLE PRELAUNCH EVENTS
[...] When pressurization of the IU supply sphere ends at T-31 minutes, it is likely that the sound of the pressurization of the S-IC supply and purge will blend with the cold helium sphere pressurization sound and be indiscernible as such in the CM. In this manner, the sounds of the remainder of the items illustrated will rise and fall, join and separate, to form the sound of the Saturn V. At approximately T-6.1 seconds all sounds are hidden by the ignition of the engines on the S-IC.
posted by teraflop at 1:27 PM on August 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
Jason Scott is a national treasure. Global, even!
posted by rhizome at 1:31 PM on August 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by rhizome at 1:31 PM on August 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
Ronald McDonald in the Playboy Mansion with a sabotage manual.
posted by clavdivs at 1:47 PM on August 25, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by clavdivs at 1:47 PM on August 25, 2023 [14 favorites]
I shouldn't be shocked by the Bunny working conditions, but I am. How could you not emerge from that job completely fucked up emotionally? I mean just by the formal conditions of employment, setting aside the whole purpose of the job and the awful clientele. Wow. And I thought I hated my job.
posted by HotToddy at 2:40 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by HotToddy at 2:40 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
Going by the bunny demerit list, which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more precise and strict than any employment regime that I can remember being under, I would have been a Bad Bunny and incurred the wrath of the Bunny Mother.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:41 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:41 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
I've heard that the Bunny Dip caused back problems. But, hey, you have to keep that incredibly uncomfortable costume in place, girls.
posted by LindsayIrene at 2:50 PM on August 25, 2023
posted by LindsayIrene at 2:50 PM on August 25, 2023
Emailed Ashbury's question to Jason Scott.
His response:
Needs to be read in a sling blade voice.
posted by y2karl at 3:17 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
His response:
Needs to be read in a sling blade voice.
posted by y2karl at 3:17 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
It's surprisingly complicated to run a haunted mansion. But sounds better than being a Bunny. Besides, you get to do this:
When answering the phone, state "Haunted Mansion" followed by your first name.posted by zompist at 3:21 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
My birthday is next week, and I have been thinking about things I would like to accomplish in the coming year. I think the CIA Simple Sabotage Field Manual might come very much in handy. So thank you for this post.
posted by ALeaflikeStructure at 3:34 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by ALeaflikeStructure at 3:34 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
TIL from the Haunted Mansion manual...admission required an 'E' ticket back in 1975 when it first opened. I had always thought of an 'E ticket ride' as denoting the most exciting/daring/dangerous amusement park rides, or really any kind of extreme activity, e.g. skydiving. Apparently that's not how Disney saw things, with It's a Small World and the Enchanted Tiki Room (among other rather passive experiences) all being 'E' ticket attractions. Huh!
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:46 PM on August 25, 2023
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:46 PM on August 25, 2023
"When the Grimace first emerged from his cave"
WAIT WHAT
posted by synecdoche at 3:52 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
WAIT WHAT
posted by synecdoche at 3:52 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
Wait, “the” grimace?
posted by mhoye at 3:54 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 3:54 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
> The CIA style manual breaks its own rule about the serial comma in the section about the serial comma. I wonder how many people called that out since 2011 when this edition was published.
Can someone please point out where the rule is broken? I'm not seeing it.
posted by mpark at 4:10 PM on August 25, 2023
Can someone please point out where the rule is broken? I'm not seeing it.
posted by mpark at 4:10 PM on August 25, 2023
The Grimace. I had no idea.
It used to be the *evil* Grimace.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:32 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
It used to be the *evil* Grimace.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:32 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
Fortunately The Grimace has that flared base
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:32 PM on August 25, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:32 PM on August 25, 2023 [7 favorites]
True; "The Lost Grimace" would be an entirely different story.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:35 PM on August 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:35 PM on August 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
... I have been thinking about things I would like to accomplish in the coming year. I think the CIA Simple Sabotage Field Manual might come very much in handy.
posted by ALeaflikeStructure at 5:34 PM on August 25
In the past week I read a book -- Stoner -- by John Edwards Williams. A great book, one hell of read. Stoner, the main character, spent much psychic energy for over half of his life dealing with one hassle after another laid onto him by a co-worker who decided to make Stoner's life miserable.
Again and again as I read I considered that there are people who could absolutely benefit from having their house burned down if they did not come to a new understanding after their mail was forwarded to Alaska, their water and electric service cancelled on holiday weekends, they found themselves subscribed to every magazine and newspaper and porn, their car tires deflated -- in general, just light, fun things of this nature.
posted by dancestoblue at 5:29 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by ALeaflikeStructure at 5:34 PM on August 25
In the past week I read a book -- Stoner -- by John Edwards Williams. A great book, one hell of read. Stoner, the main character, spent much psychic energy for over half of his life dealing with one hassle after another laid onto him by a co-worker who decided to make Stoner's life miserable.
Again and again as I read I considered that there are people who could absolutely benefit from having their house burned down if they did not come to a new understanding after their mail was forwarded to Alaska, their water and electric service cancelled on holiday weekends, they found themselves subscribed to every magazine and newspaper and porn, their car tires deflated -- in general, just light, fun things of this nature.
posted by dancestoblue at 5:29 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
That McDonalds manual is pretty persnickety, especially when you consider they stole the idea for most of the characters.
posted by TedW at 5:54 PM on August 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by TedW at 5:54 PM on August 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
That McDonalds manual is pretty persnickety, especially when you consider they stole the idea for most of the characters.
As a child of the seventies, this makes complete sense to me.
posted by mollweide at 6:20 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
As a child of the seventies, this makes complete sense to me.
posted by mollweide at 6:20 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
Any quality CIA Style Manual would be called a CIA Style Guide. The flow is so obviously more....stylish.
posted by atomicstone at 6:23 PM on August 25, 2023
posted by atomicstone at 6:23 PM on August 25, 2023
synecdoche: "When the Grimace first emerged from his cave"
WAIT WHAT
After the third day in fulfillment of the scriptures.
posted by dr_dank at 8:19 PM on August 25, 2023 [7 favorites]
WAIT WHAT
After the third day in fulfillment of the scriptures.
posted by dr_dank at 8:19 PM on August 25, 2023 [7 favorites]
How to fly to the Moon
Step 1: Fly to the Moon
Step 2: Play among the stars
Secondary Goals:
1: See what spring is like on Jupiter
2: And Mars
posted by Thorzdad at 6:49 AM on August 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
Step 1: Fly to the Moon
Step 2: Play among the stars
Secondary Goals:
1: See what spring is like on Jupiter
2: And Mars
posted by Thorzdad at 6:49 AM on August 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
The pet rock manual is priceless.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:25 AM on August 26, 2023
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:25 AM on August 26, 2023
> CIA Flaps and Seals Manual
It's reverse-scrapbooking!
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:14 AM on August 26, 2023
It's reverse-scrapbooking!
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:14 AM on August 26, 2023
The housewife manual is surprisingly detailed, crossing house management with basic understanding of house construction and operation. Impressive!
posted by seawallrunner at 6:40 PM on August 26, 2023
posted by seawallrunner at 6:40 PM on August 26, 2023
Mod note: [btw, this post has been added to the sidebar]
posted by taz (staff) at 2:09 AM on August 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by taz (staff) at 2:09 AM on August 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
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posted by riverlife at 11:23 AM on August 25, 2023 [9 favorites]