Every Best Picture Winner Ranked by How Good a Muppets Version Would Be
February 12, 2024 3:16 PM Subscribe
I have stated repeatedly that The Muppets do really well when they are depicted as An Acting Troupe Doing A New Production, which is true to their roots with Kermit running and Scooter managing a Vaudeville theater.
I wish we had some really deep thinkpieces about what went wrong with "the muppets.", which in my mind was a complete flop to the point where even after it took some time off and came back after rethinking itself had so poisoned its own well that it was unrecoverable.
I find myself wondering... could The Muppet Show be done today?
I don't think there's any context for The Muppet Show within American or UK culture anymore. [The Muppet Show was produced in the UK, despite being an American television show.] And I'm not sure the format could hold up without that context. I don't know what the modern equivalent of burlesque or vaudeville is in the 2020s. But that's the format in which they work best, it seems.
I wish "the muppets." hadn't been so cold hearted. I was rooting for it.
posted by hippybear at 3:25 PM on February 12 [4 favorites]
I wish we had some really deep thinkpieces about what went wrong with "the muppets.", which in my mind was a complete flop to the point where even after it took some time off and came back after rethinking itself had so poisoned its own well that it was unrecoverable.
I find myself wondering... could The Muppet Show be done today?
I don't think there's any context for The Muppet Show within American or UK culture anymore. [The Muppet Show was produced in the UK, despite being an American television show.] And I'm not sure the format could hold up without that context. I don't know what the modern equivalent of burlesque or vaudeville is in the 2020s. But that's the format in which they work best, it seems.
I wish "the muppets." hadn't been so cold hearted. I was rooting for it.
posted by hippybear at 3:25 PM on February 12 [4 favorites]
This is what the internet is for.
posted by mhoye at 3:28 PM on February 12 [6 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 3:28 PM on February 12 [6 favorites]
If I even have to explain the merits of Muppet Gandhi then you’re not the target audience for this list.
Five words: one hundred thousand muppet extras.
posted by mhoye at 3:34 PM on February 12 [19 favorites]
Five words: one hundred thousand muppet extras.
posted by mhoye at 3:34 PM on February 12 [19 favorites]
I don't know what the modern equivalent of burlesque or vaudeville is in the 2020s.
TikToks with increasingly theatrical "POV"
posted by clew at 3:39 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
TikToks with increasingly theatrical "POV"
posted by clew at 3:39 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
La La Land is basically a muppet movie version of garfield minus garfield
posted by MonsieurPEB at 3:48 PM on February 12 [13 favorites]
posted by MonsieurPEB at 3:48 PM on February 12 [13 favorites]
This guy really doesn't like Miss Piggy.
The problem with many of these is that Muppets are sorely low on female characters. Maybe this is Janice's moment to shine.
posted by zompist at 3:51 PM on February 12 [21 favorites]
The problem with many of these is that Muppets are sorely low on female characters. Maybe this is Janice's moment to shine.
posted by zompist at 3:51 PM on February 12 [21 favorites]
I’m going to be upfront and rant a little. I hate Crash. I hate it with as much passion as Elaine Benes hates The English Patient and Larry David hates people. This movie sucks. It’s absolutely the worst Best Picture winner in history.
This is correct.
posted by Artw at 4:01 PM on February 12 [10 favorites]
This is correct.
posted by Artw at 4:01 PM on February 12 [10 favorites]
I'm not sure if could sustain an entire movie but this list makes me desperately want to see at least a sketch with the Swedish Chef replacing Colin Firth in The King's Speech. Which seems an odd thing to be asking for at bedtime.
posted by biffa at 4:03 PM on February 12 [14 favorites]
posted by biffa at 4:03 PM on February 12 [14 favorites]
In assessing this It probably helps to watch every best picture winner, so, here is a YouTube of Evasive watching every best picture winner as summary.
posted by Artw at 4:04 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
posted by Artw at 4:04 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
I think a Muppet Lord of the Rings would be fun, but nowhere near as much fun as this schmoe thinks. Also, Schindler's List at #3? Really? Is having the Muppets be offensive his goal? I would rather see the Muppets trash Crash than attempt to deal with the Holocaust either humorously or not.
posted by rikschell at 4:06 PM on February 12 [5 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 4:06 PM on February 12 [5 favorites]
If you have not seen Million Dollar Baby I am not going to spoil the major event that happens at the end of the second act. But, if you have seen it and know what happens, you know that’s why this ranks this high. Before that, it’s a very good boxing drama but not one that would be anything that special as a Muppet movie. Once the film goes into the third act, that’s when this being done by The Muppets would become truly magnetic viewing.
I… wow.
posted by Artw at 4:17 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
I… wow.
posted by Artw at 4:17 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
Look, I... look, I can't think about anything else for a while now that it's been spelled out.
Muppet Parasite. Muppet Parasite. Fozzie's driving the car. Sam the Eagle wrinkling his nose in the back seat. Lew Zealand living in the basement.
I can't stop thinking about this.
posted by phooky at 4:19 PM on February 12 [13 favorites]
Muppet Parasite. Muppet Parasite. Fozzie's driving the car. Sam the Eagle wrinkling his nose in the back seat. Lew Zealand living in the basement.
I can't stop thinking about this.
posted by phooky at 4:19 PM on February 12 [13 favorites]
I don't think there's any context for The Muppet Show within American or UK culture anymoreI think this is more true than not true, but not sufficient. It's true that the Muppets, like a lot of late-20thC comedy, had its roots in vaudeville and variety theatre, genres which don't exist any more, and which are culturally outside most adults' experience. Mel Brooks is in this category too, all his best jokes are fading into the past. The Muppets really were were contemporaries of Benny Hill, and who watches that any more?
The key to the Muppets is the shortness of the comedy; they're not designed for the length of feature films and their successful movies are accidents, which stitch together a set of sketch-y montages. The MTV era of 3-5 minute music videos was closer to what the Muppets were good at but the franchise also had roots in a genre that's still current and culturally vibrant, and where they would be incredibly powerful. Advertising, and parody of advertising.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:22 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
See, the thing about The Muppets is they are an overlay that can be applied to just about anything.
That Muppet Parasite is so vivid to you, that is because The Muppets.
They are their own Old Hollywood Studio, with their own pantheon of stars to cast in all the roles.
I wish they were used better today, because they have so much fucking potential.
posted by hippybear at 4:23 PM on February 12 [7 favorites]
That Muppet Parasite is so vivid to you, that is because The Muppets.
They are their own Old Hollywood Studio, with their own pantheon of stars to cast in all the roles.
I wish they were used better today, because they have so much fucking potential.
posted by hippybear at 4:23 PM on February 12 [7 favorites]
OTOH, God Emperor of Dune, filmed live-action with all the pompousness and Jason Momoa of it all, except that Leto II is a felt sandworm muppet. Make it happen Hollywood.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:25 PM on February 12 [9 favorites]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:25 PM on February 12 [9 favorites]
And Bunsen Honeydew as Malky
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:30 PM on February 12
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:30 PM on February 12
What, no Muppets Die Hard?
posted by slater at 4:32 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
posted by slater at 4:32 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
I would rank Muppet Titanic even higher than this guy, precisely because it’s so over the top and has room for everyone. Titanic was one of the first “grown-up” movies I ever saw and holds some sentimental value to me for that reason, but it’s so long and takes itself so seriously that I have no desire to revisit it now. Muppets fix the humorlessness, put the melodrama in the hands of characters better equipped to run with it, and probably cut the length significantly. I’d watch that shit over and over.
posted by ActionPopulated at 4:37 PM on February 12 [9 favorites]
posted by ActionPopulated at 4:37 PM on February 12 [9 favorites]
The key to the Muppets is the shortness of the comedy; they're not designed for the length of feature films and their successful movies are accidents, which stitch together a set of sketch-y montages.
Muppets :: Monty Python
although with a lot more actors than the Five in Python.
And really, this isn't true. The Muppets Christmas Carol is one of their most beloved films, and it's not a series of sketches one after another. That would be The Meaning Of Life.
posted by hippybear at 4:42 PM on February 12 [4 favorites]
Muppets :: Monty Python
although with a lot more actors than the Five in Python.
And really, this isn't true. The Muppets Christmas Carol is one of their most beloved films, and it's not a series of sketches one after another. That would be The Meaning Of Life.
posted by hippybear at 4:42 PM on February 12 [4 favorites]
what went wrong with "the muppets."
Jim Henson died, and all of the other original muppeteers had left. It's like those old bands that split up, one of them hires new people to replace them, and it's never again as good as it originally was.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:43 PM on February 12 [8 favorites]
Jim Henson died, and all of the other original muppeteers had left. It's like those old bands that split up, one of them hires new people to replace them, and it's never again as good as it originally was.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:43 PM on February 12 [8 favorites]
Nah, that series wasn't just that the old guard had changed. Whoever made it fundamentally misunderstood the property and did it bad from the outset.
posted by hippybear at 4:45 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 4:45 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]
Maybe it could be improved by doing a muppet version. You know, Muppets the muppets. If it's a hit they can follow it up with The Muppet Muppet Movie. Animal can play Kermit!
posted by phooky at 4:46 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
posted by phooky at 4:46 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
Muppets + Chuck Tingle
posted by The otter lady at 4:52 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 4:52 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]
I like the idea, but I think that some of the movies would be made much worse by getting the muppet treatment (12 Years A Slave? Yikes. LotR:RotK? Nope. Schindler's List? Are you KIDDING me?).
Casablanca would also be worse with muppets (because everything is worse than Casablanca), but it would be a great muppet movie.
I liked La La Land a lot and the muppet version would be wonderful.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 4:55 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
Casablanca would also be worse with muppets (because everything is worse than Casablanca), but it would be a great muppet movie.
I liked La La Land a lot and the muppet version would be wonderful.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 4:55 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
Missy Piggy slamming her hoof against the steamed-over window of the antique car.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:02 PM on February 12 [25 favorites]
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:02 PM on February 12 [25 favorites]
Kermit lets go of the door and simply paddles away frog style into the mist
posted by Rinku at 5:18 PM on February 12 [14 favorites]
posted by Rinku at 5:18 PM on February 12 [14 favorites]
"I need Kermit ripping up the Nazi flag and I need it now."
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 5:25 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 5:25 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
"draw me like one of your cochon français"
posted by phooky at 5:25 PM on February 12 [12 favorites]
posted by phooky at 5:25 PM on February 12 [12 favorites]
Utter casting failure re Amadeus.
Mozart is Gonzo. Salieri is Sam the Eagle.
posted by ursus_comiter at 5:35 PM on February 12 [24 favorites]
Mozart is Gonzo. Salieri is Sam the Eagle.
posted by ursus_comiter at 5:35 PM on February 12 [24 favorites]
The beauty of muppet Parasite is that everybody's human EXCEPT the Kim family are all muppets. Right? We see it, everybody in the movie 100% deadpan ignores it. It's like, a joke a second. I know, they're hatching a complicated plan, but EVERYBODY INVOLVED IN IT IS A MUPPET!! How can these people not tell?! Come to think of it, is that why other muppet movies are inherently funny too? Anyway, this one would work even more. Also, free built-in social commentary. I should be in charge of what muppet movies get made.
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 5:44 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 5:44 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
"The key to a Muppets version of this is that Geoffery Rush would keep his role and the role of the King would be played by the Swedish Chef."
Yes yes a hundred thousand times yes oh my gawd.
posted by UltraMorgnus at 5:48 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]
Yes yes a hundred thousand times yes oh my gawd.
posted by UltraMorgnus at 5:48 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]
Gonzo might work, given his weakness for chickens. OTOH, Fozzie would be a wacky foil to Kermit's Salieri. Scooter could be the Emperor if they rolled him back to his original nepo baby character. Mozart's dad would be a guest star, Alice Cooper might be available.
posted by credulous at 5:51 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
posted by credulous at 5:51 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
Statler and Waldorf would absolutely split the role of Count Orsini-Rosenberg
posted by credulous at 5:53 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
posted by credulous at 5:53 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
And I'm not sure the format could hold up without that context. I don't know what the modern equivalent of burlesque or vaudeville is in the 2020s.
Muppets Got Talent. Muppet Idol. Etc.
The beauty of muppet Parasite is that everybody's human EXCEPT the Kim family are all muppets .
Gen V did something like this.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:12 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
Muppets Got Talent. Muppet Idol. Etc.
The beauty of muppet Parasite is that everybody's human EXCEPT the Kim family are all muppets .
Gen V did something like this.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:12 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
I don't think there's any context for The Muppet Show within American or UK culture anymore.
A reality show. A late-night show. A sketch show.
Hell, a podcast that's trying to keep it together despite inter-host drama, even though everyone involved has a side-hustle that they're more interested in, from cosmetics influencing, to running a ghost kitchen, to starting a delivery workers union, to becoming a mascot for a Japanese baseball team.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 6:39 PM on February 12 [13 favorites]
A reality show. A late-night show. A sketch show.
Hell, a podcast that's trying to keep it together despite inter-host drama, even though everyone involved has a side-hustle that they're more interested in, from cosmetics influencing, to running a ghost kitchen, to starting a delivery workers union, to becoming a mascot for a Japanese baseball team.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 6:39 PM on February 12 [13 favorites]
I feel like this list would be a little more well considered if it were restricted to the last 40 years + a few choice classics.
posted by 3j0hn at 7:07 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
posted by 3j0hn at 7:07 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
It's true that the Muppets, like a lot of late-20thC comedy, had its roots in vaudeville and variety theatre, genres which don't exist any more
They do still exist, I've produced a few! Just go to any festival, especially a fringe festival!
posted by creatrixtiara at 7:12 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
They do still exist, I've produced a few! Just go to any festival, especially a fringe festival!
posted by creatrixtiara at 7:12 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
They do still exist, I've produced a few! Just go to any festival, especially a fringe festival!
I mean, I guess we're all remembering The Beatles being on Ed Sullivan this week... but THAT kind of show, which is what The Muppet Show was pretending to be, isn't happening anymore much these days.
I mean, maybe we could use that again. But with our fractured media ecosphere, we really only have a tiny number of media moments that we all tune into, and even that is much less now than it used to be.
In short, I mourn the loss of any semblance of a monoculture. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
posted by hippybear at 7:16 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]
I mean, I guess we're all remembering The Beatles being on Ed Sullivan this week... but THAT kind of show, which is what The Muppet Show was pretending to be, isn't happening anymore much these days.
I mean, maybe we could use that again. But with our fractured media ecosphere, we really only have a tiny number of media moments that we all tune into, and even that is much less now than it used to be.
In short, I mourn the loss of any semblance of a monoculture. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
posted by hippybear at 7:16 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]
To all those who say the Muppets couldn’t work today, I say that Muppet Christmas Carol is the definitive version of that work, and I will brook no disagreement.
Muppets work best when parodying and honouring the source material. Lord of the Rings would be great. But they could do the complete works of Shakespeare, and it would be amazing.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:24 PM on February 12 [4 favorites]
Muppets work best when parodying and honouring the source material. Lord of the Rings would be great. But they could do the complete works of Shakespeare, and it would be amazing.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:24 PM on February 12 [4 favorites]
Muppets Moby Dick!
I don't know who the human is/humans are in the cast, but it could be amazing.
posted by hippybear at 7:27 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
I don't know who the human is/humans are in the cast, but it could be amazing.
posted by hippybear at 7:27 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
Or or or... wait a minute.. hear me out...
Lord Of The Rings keeps getting mentioned but let's consider an earlier work by the same director.
MUPPETS MEET THE FEEBLES!!!
I'll see myself out
posted by hippybear at 7:29 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
Lord Of The Rings keeps getting mentioned but let's consider an earlier work by the same director.
MUPPETS MEET THE FEEBLES!!!
I'll see myself out
posted by hippybear at 7:29 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
....It isn't about a Best Picture winner, but....
So, these days part of the movie promotional tours involve pairs of castmates teaming up for various Youtubers' stuff (WIRED'S autocomplete interview, HOT ONES, etc.) One such channel, "Lad Bible", has a dippy little thing called "Agree to Disagree", where the hosts read off various statements and each person rates whether they agree or disagree with it.
The publicity team for Wonka paired up Timothee Chalamet and Keegan Michael-Key for the Agree to Disagree segment. The whole thing is surprisingly fun (Timmy does better when he has some kind of irreverent silly "playmate", and KMK delivers that in spadefuls); but then the last question they asked them both was "Agree or disagree - Every movie would be made better with a Muppet remake." They both agreed, and then started naming films they'd want to see a Muppet remake of in particular. Keegan Michael-Key first suggests a Dune Muppet remake. But then Timmy says: "How about Eyes Wide Shut Muppets?"
....Okay, I loved the kid before, now I would follow him to the grave.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:40 PM on February 12 [7 favorites]
So, these days part of the movie promotional tours involve pairs of castmates teaming up for various Youtubers' stuff (WIRED'S autocomplete interview, HOT ONES, etc.) One such channel, "Lad Bible", has a dippy little thing called "Agree to Disagree", where the hosts read off various statements and each person rates whether they agree or disagree with it.
The publicity team for Wonka paired up Timothee Chalamet and Keegan Michael-Key for the Agree to Disagree segment. The whole thing is surprisingly fun (Timmy does better when he has some kind of irreverent silly "playmate", and KMK delivers that in spadefuls); but then the last question they asked them both was "Agree or disagree - Every movie would be made better with a Muppet remake." They both agreed, and then started naming films they'd want to see a Muppet remake of in particular. Keegan Michael-Key first suggests a Dune Muppet remake. But then Timmy says: "How about Eyes Wide Shut Muppets?"
....Okay, I loved the kid before, now I would follow him to the grave.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:40 PM on February 12 [7 favorites]
When I got to The Sting on the list, I realized that what we really need is Gonzo's Eleven.
posted by stevis23 at 7:50 PM on February 12 [20 favorites]
posted by stevis23 at 7:50 PM on February 12 [20 favorites]
Tired:The Muppets Crash (Paul Haggis)
Wired: The Muppets Crash (David Cronenberg)
posted by doubtfulpalace at 7:52 PM on February 12 [13 favorites]
Wired: The Muppets Crash (David Cronenberg)
posted by doubtfulpalace at 7:52 PM on February 12 [13 favorites]
Missy Piggy slamming her hoof against the steamed-over window of the antique car.
I read an accursed theory recently about frog-pig sexual relations that I now feel compelled to share. In The Muppet Christmas Carol, Kermit and Miss Piggy (as Bob Cratchit and wife) have several children. All the boys are frogs and all the girls are pigs, which has fascinating biological implications (from tumblr):
I read an accursed theory recently about frog-pig sexual relations that I now feel compelled to share. In The Muppet Christmas Carol, Kermit and Miss Piggy (as Bob Cratchit and wife) have several children. All the boys are frogs and all the girls are pigs, which has fascinating biological implications (from tumblr):
I’ve pointed out to my friends that the fact that Kermit and Miss Piggy’s kids are like that means eitherposted by dephlogisticated at 8:25 PM on February 12 [11 favorites]
1) they reproduce asexually and the children are clones of each parent OR
2) Kermit and Miss Piggy are members of the same sexually dimorphic species, hence the split between their male and female children
The Muppets putting on a TED talk would be pretty good. Kermit running and Scooter managing as usual. Gonzo, Mrs Piggy, and Sam the Eagle as speakers. Egos and tech bros and disgraced former academics, all as Muppets. Stadler and Waldorf in the audience, of course.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:28 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 8:28 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]
Yes, the Kermit/Piggy Christmas Carol family implications are disturbing, but they are less so when you realize THE MUPPETS ARE PUTTING ON A FILM ABOUT THE CHRISTMAS CAROL and they've simply chosen to cast male frogs and female pigs as the children.
There is nowhere within the actual Muppet canon that implies that Kermit and Piggy have ever successfully produced children.
posted by hippybear at 8:29 PM on February 12 [6 favorites]
There is nowhere within the actual Muppet canon that implies that Kermit and Piggy have ever successfully produced children.
posted by hippybear at 8:29 PM on February 12 [6 favorites]
I think the ONLY Muppet film that is actually about The Muppets, like as in a recreation of their lives, is The Muppet Movie. All the other movies are movies they've made when they signed the "standard rich and famous contract", because that's what they came to Hollywood to do.
There is nothing aside from The Muppet Movie that isn't a fiction that is filmed by The Muppets under that contract. Except maybe The Muppet Show, which is obviously them running a theater which is part of them being rich and famous.
posted by hippybear at 8:32 PM on February 12 [8 favorites]
There is nothing aside from The Muppet Movie that isn't a fiction that is filmed by The Muppets under that contract. Except maybe The Muppet Show, which is obviously them running a theater which is part of them being rich and famous.
posted by hippybear at 8:32 PM on February 12 [8 favorites]
I keep thinking about evidenceofabsence’s podcast idea above, and I think whichever muppet characters you have for the host or cohosts of the show, get as wacky as you like, but get real live Jamie Loftus to play herself alongside the muppet podcasters.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:38 PM on February 12 [5 favorites]
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:38 PM on February 12 [5 favorites]
This person has verrrrry different tastes than I do, especially when it comes to Muppets, but I laughed at:
Art is subjective and nothing can please everyone except for this.posted by Songdog at 8:47 PM on February 12 [4 favorites]
Some of the ideas in the FPP list are too bent for me to comment on. Still, I want to offer one correction:
Replace Jon Voight with Gonzo.
And most of the women with chickens.
posted by Songdog at 8:52 PM on February 12 [14 favorites]
Midnight Cowboy (1969)Rizzo. Is. Right. There.
Fozzy as an aspiring male prostitute and Kermit as a greasy con man who takes him under his wing.
Replace Jon Voight with Gonzo.
And most of the women with chickens.
posted by Songdog at 8:52 PM on February 12 [14 favorites]
In Titanic, Miss Piggy considers dropping the Heart of the Sea in the ocean at the end, then goes 'Naaah,' and puts it back in her pocket.
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 9:21 PM on February 12 [6 favorites]
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 9:21 PM on February 12 [6 favorites]
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest...
A mental institution run by stern, free expression stifling Nurse Ratchet played by Miss Piggy white Kermit offers a spark of rebellion to the rest of The Muppets.
Fozzy, not Kermit.
posted by polecat at 9:22 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
A mental institution run by stern, free expression stifling Nurse Ratchet played by Miss Piggy white Kermit offers a spark of rebellion to the rest of The Muppets.
Fozzy, not Kermit.
posted by polecat at 9:22 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]
As noble an endeavor as twisting logic to figure out how every best picture winner could be made into a muppets film, I started with a short-list of about a dozen that should. Then I realised that any such endeavour has a shelf life of three years at the absolute best and ended up with a list of three that, not could, not should, but must be made into Muppets films (in no particular order):
Everything Everywhere All At Once
My Fair Lady
Shakespeare in Love.
No doubt, all of you will disagree, but *shrug*.
posted by dg at 10:02 PM on February 12
Everything Everywhere All At Once
My Fair Lady
Shakespeare in Love.
No doubt, all of you will disagree, but *shrug*.
posted by dg at 10:02 PM on February 12
Muppets Moby Dick! I don't know who the human is/humans are in the cast, but it could be amazing.
I love this. The human would be Ahab. Just Ahab. Everyone else is a muppet. Everyone. The whales, the sharks, the harpooneers, all muppets. The white whale is a giant muppet. The muppet characters fuck around all the time, but Ahab plays it completely straight. Muppets will not distract him from his grim purpose. It kind of intensifies the whole idea.
posted by phooky at 4:27 AM on February 13 [8 favorites]
I love this. The human would be Ahab. Just Ahab. Everyone else is a muppet. Everyone. The whales, the sharks, the harpooneers, all muppets. The white whale is a giant muppet. The muppet characters fuck around all the time, but Ahab plays it completely straight. Muppets will not distract him from his grim purpose. It kind of intensifies the whole idea.
posted by phooky at 4:27 AM on February 13 [8 favorites]
There is nothing aside from The Muppet Movie that isn't a fiction that is filmed by The Muppets under that contract. Except maybe The Muppet Show, which is obviously them running a theater which is part of them being rich and famous.
The Muppets (2011) continues the story from The Muppet Movie, with the Rich and Famous Contract being a key plot element. But otherwise I'm inclined to agree with you.
posted by Navelgazer at 6:02 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
The Muppets (2011) continues the story from The Muppet Movie, with the Rich and Famous Contract being a key plot element. But otherwise I'm inclined to agree with you.
posted by Navelgazer at 6:02 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
All About Eve would be Grover as Margo Channing and Elmo as Eve.
posted by lowtide at 7:46 AM on February 13 [4 favorites]
posted by lowtide at 7:46 AM on February 13 [4 favorites]
Matt Fresh lost me immediately with the first entry, specifically this sentence:
posted by Kattullus at 8:06 AM on February 13 [3 favorites]
I’m not here to argue with any of the 7 Nomadheads who love this movie, but watching Miss Piggy traveling around and living in her van would undoubtedly be the worst of any of these.Excuse me, that sounds like the Best Movie Ever, not the worst of any of nothing.
posted by Kattullus at 8:06 AM on February 13 [3 favorites]
One of my friends thinks someone should produce Muppet Robin Hood with Adam Driver as King John, Kermit as Robin Hood, Miss Piggy as Maid Marian...and Gonzo of Gisbourne as himself.
posted by pxe2000 at 8:25 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
posted by pxe2000 at 8:25 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
Just scanned quickly, it's almost exactly backwards. Still Gonzo as Rocky works for me.
posted by sammyo at 8:55 AM on February 13
posted by sammyo at 8:55 AM on February 13
And Elmo as Dr. Frank-N-Furter, but I digress.
posted by sammyo at 8:56 AM on February 13 [2 favorites]
posted by sammyo at 8:56 AM on February 13 [2 favorites]
I very much would not want to see a movie filled with Muppets genuinely suffering. We already have the human versions of those movies at home!
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:46 AM on February 13
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:46 AM on February 13
Years ago, a friend and I theorized that the best possible use for the Muppets would be to have them replace the members of the (then-disbanded) Dead Kennedys.
Kermit was born to star in a raucous music video for Stealing People's Mail, and Gonzo was born to voice The Prey.
posted by delfin at 10:11 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
Kermit was born to star in a raucous music video for Stealing People's Mail, and Gonzo was born to voice The Prey.
posted by delfin at 10:11 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
2 obvious things:
- This listicle's standards for what could make a fun muppet movie are just really out of touch.
- Reminding me again that there are many Oscar-winning movies that are not just not my favourite, but are actually woefully mediocre.
posted by ovvl at 10:30 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
- This listicle's standards for what could make a fun muppet movie are just really out of touch.
- Reminding me again that there are many Oscar-winning movies that are not just not my favourite, but are actually woefully mediocre.
posted by ovvl at 10:30 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
I love this. The human would be Ahab. Just Ahab. Everyone else is a muppet. Everyone. The whales, the sharks, the harpooneers, all muppets. The white whale is a giant muppet
Strike through the mask!
posted by Artw at 10:32 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
Strike through the mask!
posted by Artw at 10:32 AM on February 13 [1 favorite]
3. Schindler's List
Not gonna explain this one, nor do I have to. You knew it would be Top 3, and you know why.
no actually i do need this one explained
posted by ZaphodB at 11:49 AM on February 13 [11 favorites]
Not gonna explain this one, nor do I have to. You knew it would be Top 3, and you know why.
no actually i do need this one explained
posted by ZaphodB at 11:49 AM on February 13 [11 favorites]
no actually i do need this one explained
I'm not sure I'm right about this, but I took this example, Gandhi, and a few other entries where he did basically this, as a running joke of "This hideously problematic mashup is so clearly a great idea that I don't even need to say anything about it!" Basically, yeah, he knows that Muppet Schindler's List is a terrible idea. Putting it at #3 and refusing to expand on that thought is the joke.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:29 PM on February 13 [1 favorite]
I'm not sure I'm right about this, but I took this example, Gandhi, and a few other entries where he did basically this, as a running joke of "This hideously problematic mashup is so clearly a great idea that I don't even need to say anything about it!" Basically, yeah, he knows that Muppet Schindler's List is a terrible idea. Putting it at #3 and refusing to expand on that thought is the joke.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:29 PM on February 13 [1 favorite]
The beauty of muppet Parasite is that everybody's human EXCEPT the Kim family are all muppets.
I could see this working the other way around, make everybody in the Park family (except the previous housekeeper and her husband) Muppets but keep the original human cast as the Kims so we can have a climactic scene where absolute Korean cinema icon Song Kang-ho (who has the comedic chops to really sell this moment) furiously stabs a Muppet to death.
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:52 PM on February 13 [5 favorites]
I could see this working the other way around, make everybody in the Park family (except the previous housekeeper and her husband) Muppets but keep the original human cast as the Kims so we can have a climactic scene where absolute Korean cinema icon Song Kang-ho (who has the comedic chops to really sell this moment) furiously stabs a Muppet to death.
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:52 PM on February 13 [5 favorites]
The author fundamentally misunderstands the Muppets. Not going to explain this and I don't have to. You know why.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:06 PM on February 13 [8 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:06 PM on February 13 [8 favorites]
This might be off the wall, but this is what I want to see. If you've ever seen the French Connection, there's this scene where Gene Hackman as Popeye Doyle is trailing Alain Charnier (the "French Connection" in the film played by Fernando Rey) in the New York subways. Charnier suavely gives Popeye the slip by stepping onto a departing subway car & then stepping back off it after using the handle of umbrella to keep the door from fully slamming shut. I want to see Kermit as Popeye Doyle trailing Gonzo as "The French Connection," but instead of using an umbrella, Gonzo gives him the slip in the subway system by using his beak to keep the door from closing. I also want nobody to comment on Gonzo's odd appearance, except to explain it away by saying "he looks very French."
posted by jonp72 at 4:25 PM on February 13 [10 favorites]
posted by jonp72 at 4:25 PM on February 13 [10 favorites]
All About Eve would be Grover as Margo Channing and Elmo as Eve.
This idea is conceptually hilarious. I literally LOL'ed. However, I just don't think Grover could deliver the lines the right way. When Bette Davis says "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night," there's a lot of venom there. But if Grover said it, it would just sound like he's trying to comfort me to ensure I'm not scared about going on the roller coaster after dark.
posted by jonp72 at 4:30 PM on February 13 [2 favorites]
This idea is conceptually hilarious. I literally LOL'ed. However, I just don't think Grover could deliver the lines the right way. When Bette Davis says "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night," there's a lot of venom there. But if Grover said it, it would just sound like he's trying to comfort me to ensure I'm not scared about going on the roller coaster after dark.
posted by jonp72 at 4:30 PM on February 13 [2 favorites]
But then Timmy says: "How about Eyes Wide Shut Muppets?"
"There is no second password. Wocka! Wocka! Wocka!"
posted by jonp72 at 4:33 PM on February 13 [2 favorites]
"There is no second password. Wocka! Wocka! Wocka!"
posted by jonp72 at 4:33 PM on February 13 [2 favorites]
MUPPETS MEET THE FEEBLES!!!
According to Muppet canon, it's happened, albeit offscreen.
Last summer in Muppet Mayhem (about the band), Peter Jackson cameo'd as himself.
Floyd Pepper greeted him with: "You know, we ain't seen you since that night in Wellington, when we met the Feebles."
Jackson replied: "Yeah it was a bad night. Two of them are in witness protection. The rest are in prison."
posted by cheshyre at 6:52 PM on February 13 [3 favorites]
According to Muppet canon, it's happened, albeit offscreen.
Last summer in Muppet Mayhem (about the band), Peter Jackson cameo'd as himself.
Floyd Pepper greeted him with: "You know, we ain't seen you since that night in Wellington, when we met the Feebles."
Jackson replied: "Yeah it was a bad night. Two of them are in witness protection. The rest are in prison."
posted by cheshyre at 6:52 PM on February 13 [3 favorites]
That's a fair enough joke! I salute them for allowing it in.
posted by hippybear at 7:41 PM on February 13
posted by hippybear at 7:41 PM on February 13
I was surprised at how on-point The Swedish Chef as Brando in The Godfather would be.
On the other hand, I don’t think it would be too on-the-nose at all to have Sam the Eagle headline Birdman. It’s about a man struggling for dignity, relevance and respect as a serious artist in the wake of a faded career working a gig he thinks was beneath him.
posted by gelfin at 5:06 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
On the other hand, I don’t think it would be too on-the-nose at all to have Sam the Eagle headline Birdman. It’s about a man struggling for dignity, relevance and respect as a serious artist in the wake of a faded career working a gig he thinks was beneath him.
posted by gelfin at 5:06 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
Sweetums as Luca Brasi.
Crazy Harry is somehow the only hitman in town.
posted by credulous at 8:03 AM on February 14
Crazy Harry is somehow the only hitman in town.
posted by credulous at 8:03 AM on February 14
It's getting old in Internet years, but I don't want to forget A Muppet Wicker Man, with Gonzo as Lord Summerisle, naturally.
posted by jonp72 at 2:12 PM on February 14
posted by jonp72 at 2:12 PM on February 14
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posted by Rhedyn at 3:21 PM on February 12 [9 favorites]