Keanu = Krypotonite?
September 24, 2002 2:01 PM   Subscribe

Keanu = Krypotonite? The only thing he has in common with the Man Of Steel is his last name!
posted by peachwood (52 comments total)
 
Let me be the first to say, "Whoa."
posted by ColdChef at 2:04 PM on September 24, 2002


The only thing he has in common with the Man Of Steel is his last name!

Who's Keanu Clark?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 2:06 PM on September 24, 2002


No, PST, you're confused. It's Keanu Kent.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:07 PM on September 24, 2002


So does this mean that we're moving back to the era when superhero films sucked?
posted by eyeballkid at 2:10 PM on September 24, 2002


damnitdamnitdamnit. Lemme redeem myself:

Who's Keanu-El?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 2:11 PM on September 24, 2002


Hollywood has been headed down the toilet for some time now, but I believe this pulls the flusher.
posted by oflinkey at 2:13 PM on September 24, 2002


Sure: Film-quality Kryptonite. Although even he couldn't ruin the Matrix...
posted by gottabefunky at 2:13 PM on September 24, 2002


Even the kid on Smallville would do a better job!
posted by kileregreen at 2:17 PM on September 24, 2002


Still, it's pretty weird: George Reeve, Chrisopher Reeves, Keaun Reeves? Maybe we'll get lucky and Keanu will kill himself or break his back. Either would be nice.
posted by interrobang at 2:18 PM on September 24, 2002


Keaun = Keanu. Sorry.
posted by interrobang at 2:18 PM on September 24, 2002


Maybe he'll jump from a really short building and break his back while attempting suicide. That would be great!
posted by kileregreen at 2:20 PM on September 24, 2002


Are you referring to the first Superman TV star that committed suicide (although rumors of a murderous affair persist). Or are you referring to the real Man of Steel who regaled us with the stupendous saga of the mightiest of mortals! Half god...half pagan!?


posted by infowar at 2:29 PM on September 24, 2002


Even the kid on Smallville would do a better job!

Okay, I'll say it.

Christopher Reeve would do a better job than Keanu.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 2:36 PM on September 24, 2002


From the Chicago Sun-Times (via Comics2Film.com)

"To be honest, I want a total unknown in the tights," Ratner said when asked about casting. "I'm going to do a massive hunt for my Superman first. I also have no idea who would be good for Lois Lane."

< pulls cape across face, slinks back to the depths of the fanboy cave>
posted by mikrophon at 2:38 PM on September 24, 2002


yeah, even in the chair, christopher reeve would be cooler. with special fx, they could even put his head on vin diesel's body; still better than ted
posted by kileregreen at 2:40 PM on September 24, 2002


"Who's Steve Reeves?"
posted by britain at 2:40 PM on September 24, 2002


yeah, even in the chair, christopher reeve would be cooler.

Yeah, but the trouble is getting the selfish bastard to agree to it.
posted by interrobang at 2:43 PM on September 24, 2002


Damn it! I was holding out for Avery Brooks (under-utilized since Deep Space Nine) Seriously, isn't it time for a black Superman?
posted by DenOfSizer at 2:47 PM on September 24, 2002


DenOfSizer: The black Superman was called Steel.
posted by infowar at 2:53 PM on September 24, 2002


Okay, I used to hate Keanu too but have to admit I no longer think he's as bad as he was. He's come a long way since Bill & Ted's and Dracula... hasn't he? I mean, he didn't totally suck in The Matrix?
posted by foxglove at 2:56 PM on September 24, 2002


Yeah, his part in The Matrix was perfect for him. It called for him to stand around and look confused the entire time, thus calling on his greatest gift. I can picture it now...

Keanu: "Hey, what's going on?"
Director: "Cut! That was fantastic, Keanu."
Keanu: "Wha? We were rolling? Whoa."
posted by UKnowForKids at 3:01 PM on September 24, 2002


Supposedly, leaked script or plot.

Scroll down a ways.
And prepare for the worst.
posted by Trik at 3:02 PM on September 24, 2002


This project is doomed to suck no matter who wears the cape as long as that hack Ratner directs it.
posted by hilker at 3:07 PM on September 24, 2002


From the site:

They take the baby in. His powers begin to manifest almost immediately. He tosses a couch. He flies. Even what he leaves in his diapers seems super-powered based on Jonathan’s weak-kneed reaction.

Hmm.
posted by interrobang at 3:12 PM on September 24, 2002


Even the article is funny (in the "not intentional" way)

Keanu's first big hit of course was Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Imagine if those characters had had X-ray vision!

What is this? Jackie Harvey's The Outside Scoop?
posted by jalexei at 3:22 PM on September 24, 2002


Ghod, that's going to be the dumbest fucking movie ever made, it this information is true.
posted by interrobang at 3:23 PM on September 24, 2002


[quonsar rubs hands together briskly, tosses another dogstar cd on the fire]
posted by quonsar at 3:31 PM on September 24, 2002


"Even the kid on Smallville would do a better job!"

Smallville has actually grown on me. It's cheesy, but then so were the best Superman comic books of my youth. I like the refreshing approach they've taken. The compromise that yes there was a "Superboy" before the Superman, but that he never wore the costume. The 'glowing krypto mutant' of the week is overkill and shows a weak formulaic writing team, but hey at least they're churning out some satisfactory character interplay. John Schnieder as Daddy Kent has been remarkably surprising. I've always thought of Daddy Kent as an old fart, but Schneider's approach to the character really breathes new life into the lead's origins. And their take on Luthor has been refreshing while still not completely dissing the source material. Even in the 60s comics, technically it was Superboy's fault that Luthor lost his hair. In an indirect way, they've kept to that in the tv series.

I mean don't get me wrong. Smallville probably has no longevity. It'll be forgotten, as has been "The adventures of Lois & Clark" but while I couldn't ever stomach Lois & Clark I really find myself tuning back to Smallville each week. It may rot my brain, but it's still mildly intelligent fun.

I don't think we need a full length motion picture for Superman this decade. I still think they shoulda stopped with Superman II. How can they ever outdo those two films? They're timeless.

As for Superman/Batman in the same Hollywood movie? I'd be too afraid they'd turn the film into a buddy picture. If they must, what they really should do is have it Superman vs Batman is make it when they first met, and have it be two hours of Superman trying to bring the dark vigilante to justice, and Batman outsmarting the Man of Steel while simultaneously solving a much bigger and important series of crimes. Make it a metaphor of conservative pragmatism versus liberal idealism. It'd be better than the first X-Men movie. Supes & Bats wouldn't become chummy until maybe near the end of the film, because they'd be forced to work together to thwart a greater evil and all that blah, but then when it looks like they're best buddies, Supes would turn on Bats and turn him over to the cops, because Supes would think it's the right thing to do from a matter of principle. Bats works outside the law. Supes works within it.

Of course Bats'd get the last laugh before the credits roll, and we'd be primed for the sequel. That's Hollywood, but Supes & Bats should never be friends until late in their respective careers.
posted by ZachsMind at 3:36 PM on September 24, 2002


Dean Cain would be better!!
posted by kileregreen at 3:38 PM on September 24, 2002


Maybe we'll get lucky and Keanu will kill himself or break his back

Ugh! Ok, if you guys get to have your little Britney-crushes than I get to love that meat-head...after all, nobody-- I mean nobody-- plays a better FBI Surfer-Dude. I've adored Keanu since River's Edge. And it's for damn sure he would be a much better man of steel than Nic Cage!

Spell check wanted to change Britney-crushes to rhino-viruses...same difference.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:39 PM on September 24, 2002


No one's mentioned "Point Break"? "Dude, I am totally an Eff Bee Eye agent!"
posted by GaelFC at 3:44 PM on September 24, 2002


Actually, Nicolas Cage looks just like the Simon/Schuster Superman of the 1930s. If they were to try to capture the look of the original "Action Comics" origin story, pre WW2, and keep Superman where he could only jump a 1/8 of a mile and he beat up on mafia thugs and disguised himself as a football player to investigate a series of murders, yeah I'd buy a Nic Cage Superman. He's got the acting chops to make it happen, but the movie wouldn't do any better than Snake Eyes did.

Post 1947? There's not enough makeup and foam rubber on this planet to make Nic look that Super.

Dean Cain's a boogerhead. *smirk*
posted by ZachsMind at 3:50 PM on September 24, 2002


I was holding out for Avery Brooks (under-utilized since Deep Space Nine)

I *heart* DenOfSizer.

Also, more parts for the actor who played Brooks' son, Cirroc Lofton. I suggest him for Jimmy Olsen.

Or, hell, you know, I really wouldn't mind a DS9 reunion movie, cause then we'd also get Penny Johnson Jerald (LINKLESS name because I couldn't find any good info on her, not even amongst rabid Trekkies! Shame!) into the mix.

And Dean Cain does movies where he liplocks other guys. No way he's Superman ;-)
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:52 PM on September 24, 2002


"Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's.... whoa, dude!"
posted by zaelic at 4:02 PM on September 24, 2002


WolfDaddy: How's this?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:04 PM on September 24, 2002


You know - friends and I were talking about a Superman issue the other night - with the lot of the group claiming that there must be a Superman curse. George Reeves - Chrisropher Reeve.

Now I see this. I am more fascinated by the similarity of last name in reference to this latest "news"

I think Keanu was at his worst, well, in most of his movies, but I don't recall hating him ( say as much as I do when he attempts an accent ) at all in "My Own Private Idaho."
posted by RubberHen at 4:09 PM on September 24, 2002


Almost linked that, crash. Didn't. She's a damned good actress (ooo, she could be Lois Lane!). Larry Sanders Show, DS9, (the only reason I kept up with) 24, she steals the screen from anyone she's sharing it with.

Keanu's best movie? Parenthood.
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:12 PM on September 24, 2002


isn't it time for a black Superman?

Umm, heh.. I agree that there really ought to be more black superheroes on the big screen, but making Superman black just smacks of revisionism. We know what Superman looks like, and all the actors who've played him have more or less matched the image from the comic book.

Someone also suggested Cuba Gooding, Jr. as the next James Bond a while ago, and my feelings are the same about that. To some degree both characters have an inherent strain of racism, since they are basically archetypes of a certain cultural ideal, and the culture those ideals come from is in both cases white. For whatever reason, you can't really tinker with something as important as the race of the character without changing fundamental things about it and its effectiveness as a myth.
posted by Hildago at 4:23 PM on September 24, 2002


at least it ain't Butt Affleck.
posted by trioperative at 4:26 PM on September 24, 2002


Someone also suggested Cuba Gooding, Jr. as the next James Bond

I agree, he shouldn't be the next Bond but what about a new character? A new secret agent/sex symbol? Is this even possible without resorting to the dumb-ass, over-the-top caricatures that seem so prevalent in black movies today? What made Shaft so great was that it didn't take itself seriously, yet didn't demean its own characters.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:40 PM on September 24, 2002


I love Superman. However, as he has been written for the last bunch of years in the comic books, he has been dumber than a box of rocks. Don't get me wrong, his heart is in the right place, and he certainly doesn't act like Scooby Dumb, but he's no rocket scientist. Thus, Keanu wouldn't be a bad choice for the part. A short choice for the part, but not a bad choice for the part.

However, following this "dumb Superman" line of thinking, the best possible actor to play Superman is, of course, The Rock.
I should have put actor in fright quotes.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:12 PM on September 24, 2002


The Rock as Superman - now I think that would satify those in the party supporting the cause to "ethnicize" the man of steel!
posted by RubberHen at 5:32 PM on September 24, 2002


Technically, Superman was originally something of a vision of the immigrant laborer in the United States. As such, The Rock is arguably better suited to play Superman than one might initially suppose...
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:37 PM on September 24, 2002


"Starring Jack Black as Superman..."

Bahahahaha.
posted by Danelope at 5:47 PM on September 24, 2002


Make it a metaphor of conservative pragmatism versus liberal idealism.

Hrm, I think you have that backwards. I would hardly call Bush "pragmatic"...
posted by delmoi at 5:49 PM on September 24, 2002


And Dean Cain does movies where he liplocks other guys. No way he's Superman ;-)

The only vivid detail I recall about Deathtrap, which I saw when I was eleven, is the kiss between Christopher Reeve and Michael Caine -- and the kids around me going "That's so gross!" Thought I didn't really know who Michael Caine was at the time, I remember being impressed with Reeve that he'd try something onscreen that would alienate half of the stupid boys in my school.

Here, Reeve calls it "the ten-million-dollar kiss" -- based on how much the producers calculated that it lost them in revenue..
posted by lisa g at 6:02 PM on September 24, 2002


I wonder how General Zod will react to a new Superman movie, and also to the choice of actors.
posted by Trik at 9:35 PM on September 24, 2002


Apparently, the veracity of the Keanu rumor is somewhat in doubt. (scroll down to Sept 14 and 23)
posted by gilgamesh at 10:22 PM on September 24, 2002


Keanu isn't that bad an actor. And really, how much acting is involved with playing Superman. But he's all wrong physically for the role. Spiderman can be a little weedy guy, but it wouldn't work for Superman.

My nomination: David Boreanz.
posted by Daze at 11:05 PM on September 24, 2002


I like Keanu well enough; he's one of those actors who shines in the right role, especially with strong direction, but if miscast or poorly directed can plotz with the best of them. (I find, for personal reasons, that thinking of him as an Asian actor seems to help; he has a kind of blankness of affect I associate with non-Western acting.) I don't know that I'd like him in this role, though, and Ratner doesn't seem the type to guide him to success.

I also like Smallville, and Lois & Clark before it. I thought they were terrific variations on a well-established storyline, one which didn't need slavish recreation. Supes has been around 3/4 of a century -- he can stand a little revisionist play. Smallville in particular benefits well from Michael S. Rosenberg's performance as Luthor -- enough genuine friendship and curiosity mixed with suspicion and selfish interest to suggest complexity and menace in their relationship, without making Clark seem like a hopeless dupe for trusting him -- even if it's hard to keep this up week after week.

And Birds of Prey at least LOOKS interesting, and has a great cast.

I don't know why the WB successes have been so numerous on the small screen, while so erratic on the silver. But I'm behind them keeping it up.
posted by dhartung at 12:34 AM on September 25, 2002


Someone also suggested Cuba Gooding, Jr. as the next James Bond a while ago

Maybe, as Gravy said, eventually, but the best next Bond is definately Adrian Paul.
posted by yonderboy at 1:09 AM on September 25, 2002


Actually, Nicolas Cage looks just like the Simon/Schuster Superman of the 1930s.

Simon & Schuster or Siegel & Schuster?
posted by mikrophon at 6:42 AM on September 25, 2002


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