Oi! Bond! No!

December 14, 2002 9:16 AM

The film - starring Pierce Brosnan and Halle Berry - "clearly proves" the US is "the root cause of all disasters and misfortune of the Korean nation" and is "an empire of evil", according to the Secretariat of the Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of the Fatherland.

I can't get enough of these people.
posted by Pretty_Generic (24 comments total)

But soon you will... (its a deadly serious game they're playing)
posted by Fupped Duck at 9:25 AM on December 14, 2002

You mean ... the bomb?
posted by Pretty_Generic at 9:27 AM on December 14, 2002

Shouldn't they be upset at the British?
posted by owillis at 9:50 AM on December 14, 2002

MGM are from Hollywood.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 9:53 AM on December 14, 2002

...and Pierce Brosnan is Irish. We're just innocent background scenery in key scenes on this one.
posted by vbfg at 10:00 AM on December 14, 2002

I guess North Korea is becoming the new East Germany for spy/military thrillers, (JSA and Shiri out of South Korea use the North Korea conflict well).
posted by bobo123 at 10:12 AM on December 14, 2002

The funny thing is that they take a Bond film seriously!
posted by MzB at 10:34 AM on December 14, 2002

Wait...you mean you can't surf down a collapsing glacier on the hood of an ice speeder?

Shit.
posted by adampsyche at 10:43 AM on December 14, 2002

Man if North Korea really has that giant fucking space laser, they can do or say whatever the hell they want.
posted by Stan Chin at 10:56 AM on December 14, 2002

adampsyche: Sure you can, but just the once.

It's hard to take James Bond movies seriously, and in the case of the current movie, it got harder and harder as the movie went on. Until finally...

EXOSKELETON!

I think the only thing that Die Another Day "clearly proves" is that the James Bond people are scared of movies like xXx.
posted by jmcmurry at 10:59 AM on December 14, 2002

Sometime into the future, near the North-South Korean border. The guide (recently transferred from Orlando, FL) explains:
- As you can see, this is the famous chamber where Bond was tortured.... [later on] Do not forget you can buy miniature "giant fucking space lasers" (TM) at the end of the tour!
posted by MzB at 11:31 AM on December 14, 2002

I don't know about you guys, but I take Halle Berry very seriously.
Very.
posted by matteo at 11:49 AM on December 14, 2002

"Sigmund Freud".
posted by Pretty_Generic at 12:02 PM on December 14, 2002

Parochial, banal films demonizing 'those' jonny-foreigners for 'us' are hardly new - they are an established part of a bland media dedicated to promoting consumerism, business and the interests of the government and power elite while keeping the masses entertained and docile. The film joins a long list of Hollywood claptrap.

Unfortunately, because of that media monoculture, True Lies, The Siege, Delta Force, The Harem, The Patriot, Pearl Harbour, Executive Decision etc. etc. are indistinguishable from history for a vast number of US citizens and provide the only information upon which they are able to base their view of the morality of their country's foreign policy. I can imagine, with that lot informing them, they may appear a little 'evil' to anyone at the other end of their whipped up frenzies.

It's all wrapped up in the sin of 'knowledgable ignorance' - defining a thing as something it could not possibly be, when the means to know it differently is available...

I'm fascinated by the cycle it presents - the first, most violent focus of modern US invasions was East Asia, including Korea (the US carpet bombed the region so thoroughly its military officially ran out of targets. I can't remember whether it was in Korea or Vietnam that the civillian death toll from US bombing was 3 million. Either way, I image that qualifies as a disaster and misfortune and I'm quite sure they've had quite enough of you for a bit). The second phase was Eastern Europe (rather more circumspect - the jonny-foreigners had nuclear weapons rather than hay forks). Then it was poor, benighted Latin America's turn to put up with a bit of election rigging and torture method training. Now the 2 military interventions per year they've averaged since the 2nd world war are given over largely to West Asia.

So foreign policy - at least in Hollywood-informed public opinion (the most prevalent sort) - is making a bit of a home coming. Which is always nice at Christmas and makes for a cracking bit of entertainment of a frosty night, don't you think?

(Sh*t. I knew I shouldn't have read this before Christmas. It's gone and made me take a thread like this seriously.)
posted by RichLyon at 12:03 PM on December 14, 2002

"These people?" Gosh, I hope they don't assimilate me into the collective.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 12:26 PM on December 14, 2002

Don't laugh, I've heard North Korea has sharks with frickin laser beams on their foreheads.

Hows that for a weapon of mass destruction?
posted by nyxxxx at 12:33 PM on December 14, 2002

jmcmurry: It's hard to take James Bond movies seriously, and in the case of the current movie, it got harder and harder as the movie went on. Until finally...

EXOSKELETON!

I was already having a hard time following the plot by then, and then he put that thing on and instantly I was taken back to the toybox.

I am definitely probably boycotting Bond movies from now on, unless everyone else is going too. At least the ones with "Die" in the title.
posted by britain at 1:09 PM on December 14, 2002

Typical.

And you'll note that tirades against fictitious characters in films seems to bolster North Korea's already spotless credibility. As a matter of fact, the blame mentality goes deeper into the North Korean mindset than anything you could imagine in your wildest dreams.

Seriously, if Kim Jong-il gets a headache or a flat tire, the US is to blame somehow.
posted by hama7 at 7:25 PM on December 14, 2002

Seriously, if Kim Jong-il gets a headache or a flat tire, the US is to blame somehow.

See that just goes to further demonstrate American hegemonism (or whatever you call it)! The Great Leader DOES NOT get headaches. His head is beyond compare and you should learn to devote your greatest respect to it.
posted by shoos at 11:46 PM on December 14, 2002

What do you expect of a nation whose leadership is denied a trip to Disneyland? It's a world of laughter, a world of tears...
posted by zaelic at 4:40 AM on December 15, 2002

Wait! Hot off the french press! Kim Jong-Il's son, Kim Jong-Nam has tried it again! He has been denied a visa to enter France in his quest to visit EuroDisneyland! (French Alert! Sorry, but the news doesn't seem to have hit the english language press yet.)

Let me meet Mickey or you all die!
posted by zaelic at 5:39 AM on December 15, 2002

His head is beyond compare..

Can't.... in good faith...make...lewd...Russian concubine...allusion...
posted by hama7 at 5:43 AM on December 15, 2002

hama7: the pictures on your page make a lovely foil to zaelic's link. God damm fuckeng USA, DIE FOREVER!!!! Oh, look... it's Minnie!
posted by shoos at 6:11 AM on December 15, 2002

Apparently the North Koreans take their evil cues from Val Kilmer movies.
posted by kirkaracha at 5:48 PM on December 15, 2002