Silly Sunday Quiz: Are You A Metrosexual?

January 18, 2004 2:15 PM

Are You A Metrosexual?Don't worry if, despite scholars in Michigan voting it one of 2003's most over-used and useless words, you don't know what it is - you might still be! (For men only, unfortunately. What would the female equivalent be?)
posted by MiguelCardoso (64 comments total)

I wrote this on my blog a while back, but if I don't link it it's not a self-link, so there ;)

I propose another new word:

Mezzosexual.

The dictionary.com definition of mezzo says:

\Mez"zo\, a. [It., from L. medius middle, half. See Mid, a.] (Mus.) Mean; not extreme.

I figured since that other similar-sounding word was recently banned, the language was in need of some new confusing term to scare white protestants with.

Also a mezzo-soprano being halfway between a contralto and a soprano, I like the idea that it suggests ambiguity.
posted by Space Coyote at 2:21 PM on January 18, 2004

Heh. Mezzo is the most popular classical/jazz/world music 24/7 cable TV channel in Portugal and it definitely has its own "demographic", so you may be on to something, Space Coyote. (You do know self-links are allowed in comments, dontcha?) On the same, er, note, sexy Etro eyewear must also be in line for a fashionable noun of its own: etrosexual.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:33 PM on January 18, 2004

Apparently, I'm not a metrosexual, I'm a homosexual. According to the quiz at least. Well, the quiz and my weekend activities.
posted by benjh at 2:48 PM on January 18, 2004

Can anyone please explain what "Do you love the movie American Psycho?" has to do with being a so-called "Metrosexual" ?
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 2:51 PM on January 18, 2004

Five out of fifty here. I am probably the furthest thing from a metrosexual on the planet. Is there such a thing as a ruro-sexual? outerborosexual?
posted by jonmc at 2:52 PM on January 18, 2004

i don't know if there is such a thing, but i like the idea of being an outerborosexual. hurry, someone make a quiz!
posted by joedan at 2:56 PM on January 18, 2004

Your Score: 6 / 50

6 points is in the 0 through 9 points range
Stud! You're a manly man! May I suggest some more contact sports like football? You can watch big, strong athletes sweat away as they tap each other's ass.

hmmm
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 2:57 PM on January 18, 2004

Steve: Yeah, I didn't get that one either. Brett Easton Ellis's novel, which I enjoyed (and Kurt Andersen sort of ripped off in his unreadable "Turn Of The Century") has twenty designer/logo namechecks per page. In the film (very crappy, I thought) this doesn't come across. So I suppose it's proto-metrosexual in its brand-mania and fashion consciousness. Also, the protagonist kills a lot of women, perhaps providing a disagreeable sub-text to the question.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:00 PM on January 18, 2004

Harold, you're my lawyer, so I think you should know... I've killed quite a few people.
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 3:02 PM on January 18, 2004

6 points is in the 0 through 9 points range
Stud! You're a manly man! May I suggest some more contact sports like football?

Damn straight.
posted by tomorama at 3:02 PM on January 18, 2004

25 out of 50

Yeah, but I'm watching the Patriots on TV. Don't I get a point reduction for that?
posted by einarorn at 3:09 PM on January 18, 2004

I think the point of the question is that a lot of so-called metrosexuals enjoy the movie American Psycho
posted by Hildago at 3:18 PM on January 18, 2004

American Psycho also has Christian Bale wandering around in his briefs - not an unpleasant sight for some of us (chainsaw or not).
posted by malpractice at 3:18 PM on January 18, 2004

4 out of 50. How nice to have an internet quiz confirm that I'm a real man.

I had to hit google to find out what a "man bag" is.
posted by sfenders at 3:19 PM on January 18, 2004

I propose another new word:
Mezzosexual.

How's about MeFisexual?

Sorry, just couldn't resist. Though I can't imagine precisely what a mefisexual would actually be ...
posted by MidasMulligan at 3:22 PM on January 18, 2004

... though I imagine it would involve a lot of yelling.
posted by MidasMulligan at 3:25 PM on January 18, 2004

Liberal rather than conservative, I hope.
posted by Grangousier at 3:25 PM on January 18, 2004

Your Score: 2 / 50

Huh.

I wonder where the 2 came from?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:30 PM on January 18, 2004

What would the female equivalent be

Stereotypical.

Anyway, I much prefer the term "psudofag"
posted by delmoi at 3:33 PM on January 18, 2004

Five out of fifty here. I am probably the furthest thing from a metrosexual on the planet. Is there such a thing as a ruro-sexual? outerborosexual?

I much prefer the term bushman-sexual myself. About as far away from the metro as you can get, and it Clarifies that you like the bush.
posted by delmoi at 3:37 PM on January 18, 2004

I'm only a "possible future metrosexual", but in fact i am a homosexual. stereotypes are fun!
posted by rhyax at 3:37 PM on January 18, 2004

i personally feel the labelling of 'metrosexual' is just about the most retarded idea ever. but the backslash or reaction to it is perhaps the perfect show of evidence of how totally confused and absolutely screwed up and insecure so many men _and_ women really are.

that said, same shite, different day .......

Interview with Hugh Hefner in Adweek Magazine
AW: What do you think of the metrosexual trend?

Hugh Hefner: I remember when there was a big brouhaha because guys were starting to use cologne. Anything that makes a guy think about looking good, living life with a little style, trying to be attractive to the opposite sex rather than just hanging out and having a beer with the guys is progress. Part of the reason I started Playboy was that the men's magazines were all outdoor-adventure buddy books. The result of World War II. For me, life was not about that -- it was about the romantic pursuit.
posted by 11235813 at 3:38 PM on January 18, 2004

I'm so tired of this term ... its origins, I believe, are from the east coast, yet west coast queers have appropriated the term to mean "cute boy I saw at the rave who refused to more than swap spit with me, so he must be a screwed up internalized homophobe".
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:41 PM on January 18, 2004

Gah, that should be "who refused to do more than swap spit"

Anyway, I much prefer the term "psudofag"

I like "fauxmosexual" myself, in fact, I think I heard it here on Mefi first.
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:42 PM on January 18, 2004

Weren't these people previously called narcissists?
posted by shagoth at 3:48 PM on January 18, 2004

If a straight guy who acts gay is a "metrosexual" what do you call a gay guy who acts straight?
posted by jonmc at 3:53 PM on January 18, 2004

closeted?
posted by jare2003 at 4:03 PM on January 18, 2004

I wonder where the 2 came from?

Oh Crash, how can I break it to you gently? I've often thought you were slightly too seductive and suave when dealing with your fellow male members, you great big pansy, you! ;)

I know. I got 42. *smooch*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:05 PM on January 18, 2004

Can anyone please explain what "Do you love the movie American Psycho?" has to do with being a so-called "Metrosexual" ?

Hmm, it seems pretty obvious to me, but maybe I'm missing something. Patrick Bateman, the central character in American Psycho, primped and preened and emphasized physical perfection and namebrands special business cards and even had a special facial moisturizing routine--not unlike you'd see Kyan recommending on Queer Eye. As a man obsessed with material objects and the "finer" things in life (like killing, apparently), it doesn't seem unusual to link him with the dopey non-phenomenon that is "metrosexuality".

its origins, I believe, are from the east coast,

I'd always heard it originated in England and was characterized by men in love with their urban surroundings, lifestyle, and with their own physical appearance (See: Dedicated Follower of Fashion, by the Kinks).

'Narcissism' seems a little harsh, though. Some men who simply want to exploit their fullest potential (which may include tuning up their physical appearance, depending on the guy) might be mistaken for Metrosexuals or Narcissists when really they're just folks looking to idealize their perception of themselves. I can't knock that.

If a straight guy who acts gay is a "metrosexual" what do you call a gay guy who acts straight?

A 'Clay Aiken'?
posted by dhoyt at 4:06 PM on January 18, 2004

You are keerect, dhoyt, and I stand corrected. Shoulda read all of Migs' wordspy link.

This guy did it (possibly nsfw, didn't delve too deeply into the site). And he's a Brit. So there you are.

Narcissist doesn't fit for me when thinking on this topic; "hedonist" or even "sybarite" works better.
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:30 PM on January 18, 2004

21
posted by matteo at 4:36 PM on January 18, 2004

13 out of 50; I'm more of a klutzo-sexual myself.

Metrosexual was recognized on both the Banished Words list and the American Dialect Society's Words of the Year, both previously seen on MetaFilter (exactly 300 posts apart). Has anybody seen Matt Groening's Forbidden Words for 2004 (in his "Life in Hell" comic, unavailable on the web)?

If a straight guy who acts gay is a "metrosexual" what do you call a gay guy who acts straight?
A 'Clay Aiken'?
No, we were thinking of someone who does it conviningly...
[rimshot]
posted by wendell at 5:09 PM on January 18, 2004

I'm so tired of this term ... its origins, I believe, are from the east coast, yet west coast queers have appropriated the term to mean "cute boy I saw at the rave who refused to more than swap spit with me, so he must be a screwed up internalized homophobe".


The term is british, coined by a journalist, origionaly used to describe beckam.
posted by delmoi at 5:14 PM on January 18, 2004

Patrick Bateman, the central character in American Psycho, primped and preened and emphasized physical perfection and namebrands special business cards and even had a special facial moisturizing routine...

So metrosexual is the new yuppie?
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 5:14 PM on January 18, 2004

13 points is in the 10 through 20 points range
Possible future metrosexual? You're still masculine, but I will question it if you start wearing shirts with diagonal stripes.

I got this result, and I'm a woman.

Maybe I should be worried.
posted by orange swan at 5:16 PM on January 18, 2004

So metrosexual is the new yuppie?

Yeah, that sounds pretty close. "Narcissist" is to narrowly defined, and too insulting. "Hedonist" is nowhere near precise enough, and brings to mind hippie culture which is almost the antithesis of metrosexual. "Playboy" is maybe a little closer, but still way off.

Nobody uses "yuppie" in anything other than an ironic sense these days though, so if y'all want to banish "metrosexual", come up with something better to replace it.
posted by sfenders at 5:54 PM on January 18, 2004

Being gay doesn't disqualify one from being a metrosexual. Metrosexual's definition has no relationship with any sexuality.

Personally, I'm still hoping for the mainstreaming of heteroflexible, first committed to Usenet way back in 1999. Descriptive, easily grasped, and fun to say.
posted by NortonDC at 6:26 PM on January 18, 2004

Every definition I've seen for metrosexual says it only applies to straight men, and that's the only way I've seen it used in print. Including the link to the CBC:

The term....generally applies to straight men living in urban centres who feel comfortable indulging in feminine pursuits, such as extensive personal grooming.
posted by stryder at 6:31 PM on January 18, 2004

"The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis -- because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modelling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere.” --Mark Simpson, inventor of the word metrosexual.
posted by NortonDC at 6:58 PM on January 18, 2004

11/50 "Possible future metrosexual", huh?
posted by Grod at 7:03 PM on January 18, 2004

I got 14 out of 50, i.e. ALL MAN. Goddam prissy clothes horses make me wanna puke. Oh well, time for bed, I've got forklift duty at 6 AM.
posted by Scoo at 7:04 PM on January 18, 2004

I had to hit google to find out what a "man bag" is.

That's why I don't use terms like "man bag" to describe my purse. :)

Personally I think that if the culture requires a term like "metrosexual" to permit or make sense of a more diverse array of options for men in terms of fashion or gender expression then I'm all for it, silly the term may be. I just wish the term loaded more on the girly-appearance factor and less on the materialism factor -- it's a shame because the former really needn't imply the latter. (Can't I wear nail polish without being a mall zombie?)
posted by boredomjockey at 7:12 PM on January 18, 2004

Valid point Norton, but even though Mark simpson may have coined the word with a different intent, its meaning has skewed in popular usage at least in the US.
posted by stryder at 7:16 PM on January 18, 2004

The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis --

Which makes me wonder how the heck I scored metrosexual. Unless it's the bisexuality. Hrm. Also I suspect that the author of the quiz mistook "urban" for "metropolitan." Terre Haute, IN, to use an example of a city that most have considered to be a cultural backwater since the 1900s (*), is urban. Chicago, New York and San Francisco are metropolitan.

(*) Terre Haute did have a decade of cool as a center of Ragtime music publishing. But that was a long-lost era ago.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 7:41 PM on January 18, 2004

The U.S. Census Bureau and the U.S. Office of Management and Budget consider Terre Haute, IN to be a metropolitan statistical area. More about the definition here.
posted by raysmj at 8:04 PM on January 18, 2004

Or, rather, the agencies believes there to be such a thing as a Terre Haute, IN metro area. And the MSA is at 150,000 or so population, whereas the municipality itself is around 59,000. It ain't no town, even if ain't no big-time happenin' major city.
posted by raysmj at 8:11 PM on January 18, 2004

Being gay doesn't disqualify one from being a metrosexual. Metrosexual's definition has no relationship with any sexuality.

So the stupidest, most inappropriate thing about this "word" is the inclusion of "-sexual". I can see why: it plays to stereotypes. No matter how much the guy who coined the term protests or apologizes, what he's basically saying is "Homosexual men all act this way, so we need a term for those abnormal heterosexual men who act like (the stereotype for) homosexual men but aren't actually homosexual." I'm sure this is a source of great relief to those guys. Heaven forbid anyone would think they're gay! The Horror!

Thank god I don't live in a country where this term is widely used, or I'd be in jail for punching every single person I met who took it seriously.
posted by Poagao at 8:44 PM on January 18, 2004

The U.S. Census Bureau and the U.S. Office of Management and Budget consider Terre Haute, IN to be a metropolitan statistical area. More about the definition here.

Oh dear, looks like the OMB has created a new definition on me. I was thinking more in terms of the colloquial terms. The OMB definition seems to be overly-technical, overly-general (in that any city with economic satilites becomes a "metropolitan center"), and not intended for general use. Perhaps most importantly, I don't think that Mr. Simpson had Terre Haute in mind when he coined the definition "metrosexual".

At any rate, while I live in an urban area, I don't think of the city that I live in to be a metropolis, much less the kind of major city that is central to the concept of "metrosexual".

Or, rather, the agencies believes there to be such a thing as a Terre Haute, IN metro area. And the MSA is at 150,000 or so population, whereas the municipality itself is around 59,000. It ain't no town, even if ain't no big-time happenin' major city.

Well, I didn't say it was a town. What bothered me about the quiz is that "urban" includes a wide range of evironments from Manhattan Island down to the communities of less than 10,000 people that these rumored "metrosexuals" would find horrifying for the lack of a good resturaunt in which to be seen. However a blind spot in American culture is to think of the city in terms of its most extreme manifestations. In spite of the distain of "flyover territory", I would argue that the thousands of cities the size of Terre Haute are probably more representative of the United States experience the super-cities.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 8:44 PM on January 18, 2004

No matter how much the guy who coined the term protests or apologizes, what he's basically saying is "Homosexual men all act this way, so we need a term for those abnormal heterosexual men who act like (the stereotype for) homosexual men but aren't actually homosexual."

I don't know. I heard much worse from gay men generalizing about gay men who fit the "metrosexual" stereotype. "Twink" was popular among bears as a way of poking fun at the young gay men who were a bit over-obsessed with their own appearance. This was, I think the most polite term I remember. I think the line "...like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere" is priceless, but then again, I've had the misfortune of dating a few.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 8:51 PM on January 18, 2004

KirkJobSluder: I was referencing Bo Diddley there. In any case, the term "metropolitan" in "metrosexual" almost surely means major city. But the term was created by a Brit, already, who probably doesn't grasp how Americans live and how "metropolitan" fits.

The word "metropolitan" is a merging of words for "mother" and "city." It refers to a tightly connected area of a specified activity. More specifically, it means an area that is more or less a tightly interconnected trade and residential area that has one larger municipality as a nucleus and surrounding suburbs. Most Americans don't live in large cities. They do, however, live in metro areas, regardless of the details of the Census Bureau's technical definition.
posted by raysmj at 9:27 PM on January 18, 2004

4.

And I'm of the opinion that 'metrosexuality' is a phenomenon cynically incited by fashion and cosmetics companies in order to massively increase male consumerism.
posted by cell at 2:49 AM on January 19, 2004

33/50 here.

I've never really seen the need for the term, since every single man I know fits the criteria.

And it's hardly new, is it? There's a reasonable case for, say, '80s football casuals being classed as metrosexual. Or Mods in the '60s. Or, more obviously, 18th Century dandies. Men have always been vain, sartorially exacting creatures - it's just that, post-WWII, a greater number of them have the disposable cash and free-time to indulge themselves.
posted by jack_mo at 5:29 AM on January 19, 2004

Metrosexual is possibly the dumbest coined word I've ever heard.

Here's hoping it dies a fast and ugly death.
posted by bwg at 6:33 AM on January 19, 2004

What's wrong with 'fop', 'dandy', or 'fancy boy'?
posted by sonofsamiam at 8:17 AM on January 19, 2004

We used to have another word for a man who took pains with his appearance, the decor of his home and his food and attended cultural events. It was "gentleman".

It's really too bad that we need to label men who are just attentive to the finer points of civilized life, although at least the "metrosexual" label is not intrinsically derogatory.
posted by orange swan at 8:22 AM on January 19, 2004

"The finer points of civilized life?"

You must be joking.

Let's take a look at some of the bits from that questionnaire - aspects that supposedly define "metrosexuality":

Do you use a stylist or barber?
Has anyone ever called you materialistic?
Have you ever received a manicure?
Do you like Banana Republic clothing?
When you go out, do you often check out what other guys are wearing?
Do you sometimes get jealous when another guy has a nice outfit on?
Have you ever waxed your body hair, or used Nair products?
Have you ever worn nail polish?
Do you drink Evian water?

This is nothing to do with being a "gentleman" and everything to do with consumerism, narcisissm and fitting in with a peer group.
posted by cell at 8:32 AM on January 19, 2004

21/50, firmly in metrosexual territory. Although I prefer "ambiguously straight."
posted by me3dia at 8:41 AM on January 19, 2004

The best part for me is that I took the quiz 15 minutes after I washed my hair with a bar of soap.

I scored a nine or something, and the attached comment was something about watching sports and a homoerotic subtext. I don't get it.
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:05 AM on January 19, 2004

The word "metropolitan" is a merging of words for "mother" and "city."

Exactly. So "metrosexual" = mother + sex.
*tiptoes quietly out of room*
posted by languagehat at 10:11 AM on January 19, 2004

What would the female equivalent be?

Butch?
posted by badstone at 10:27 AM on January 19, 2004

So "metrosexual" = mother + sex.

So a better word would be "motherfuckers"?
posted by inpHilltr8r at 2:34 PM on January 19, 2004

Man Bag? I've always called it Man Sack.
posted by afx114 at 4:55 PM on January 19, 2004

Hey, when you're cursed with the unibrow, you have to tweeze it or else remain a virgin for the rest of your life. Ditto for the Nair. If you don't do anything about your shoulder hair (aww, come on don't cringe), your girlfriend will have a "headache" for the entirety of your relationship. And Beckham may be a himbo, but I can't call anyone who plays professional soccer a "pussy".
posted by Devils Slide at 9:16 PM on January 19, 2004

Although I prefer "ambiguously straight."

I can see the SNL skit now: The Ambiguously Straight Duo!
posted by bwg at 11:13 PM on January 19, 2004