But he finished second in the 2nd grade spelling bee

July 28, 2004 8:10 PM

Devirginize Marc dot comIn short, up until now, just a few months shy of my 27th birthday, I am a virgin for one simple reason: the dream of making a Web site just like this. Is this what Internet dating has come to?
posted by onlyconnect (42 comments total)

hold me.
posted by Stynxno at 8:13 PM on July 28, 2004

Not by the hair of his chinney-chin-chin.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:19 PM on July 28, 2004

i have a feeling this man is in for quite a surprise.

"internet" people (including yours truly) on the whole tend, not to be the, how should i say this, most "attractive" or "socially skilled" or "charming" of folk. whether unattractive people are drawn to the internet or the internet makes people unattractive is a matter of debate.
posted by Veritron at 8:20 PM on July 28, 2004 [1 favorite has favorites]

Ye gods and little fishes, the world is chock full of people that shouldn't be alive.
posted by aramaic at 8:27 PM on July 28, 2004

Too bad "diveintomark" was taken.
posted by eyeballkid at 8:36 PM on July 28, 2004

He actually doesn't seem like a bad guy. I'm sure there are some quite nice, if slightly nerdy young girls out there to whom he would appeal.

And sure, he'll get a lot of pranksters and cranks answering his ad. But if he knows how to screen, he just might find someone he likes.

I do wish he'd left that whole virginity thing out of the ad, though! No one who makes a big deal of that ever benefits from it. But then, had he not mentioned it, he would not get much attention. That's the only difference between this ad and so many other personal ads.
posted by orange swan at 8:37 PM on July 28, 2004

Too bad "diveintomark" was taken.

I don't think he's quite looking to devirginize his ass, ebk.
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:40 PM on July 28, 2004

Totally not a virgin.
posted by grrarrgh00 at 8:43 PM on July 28, 2004

Somebody will do it, probably just to be the one who does it. That's the beauty of the internet, I guess. The law of mathematical odds meets the ability to communicate with large numbers. I had a similar epiphany as a virginal 17-year old watching Danny Pintauro (Alyssa Milano's dorky brother on Who's The Boss) telling the interviewer that he got fan mail asking for nude pictures and nights of hot steamy passion.*

I realized right then that if I escaped to a large city, I'd get laid just by the sheer law of averages. I know a few involuntary over-forty male virgins who sadly never snapped to this.

*Pintauro of course turned out to be gay, which both explains a lot and is beside the point.
posted by jonmc at 8:47 PM on July 28, 2004

HOLY FUCKING HELL.
posted by bob sarabia at 8:53 PM on July 28, 2004

also, am i the only one that submitted a form to him?
posted by bob sarabia at 8:56 PM on July 28, 2004

I would have bob, but truth to tell, and contrary to Veritron's assertions, I've had better virgins via the 'net.
posted by WolfDaddy at 9:01 PM on July 28, 2004

Then again, he's looking for a ... girl.

Finding repressed homosexuals on the internet strikes me as a bit easier.
posted by Veritron at 9:09 PM on July 28, 2004

So here's the truth: I'm a virgin because I'm waiting for the right person. Sex to me is an expression of a feeling deeper than anything I can explain, and it's only in the midst of that feeling that I want to have sex with anyone.

The most fulfilling experience I will have in my life is falling in love.

Wow, that's no pressure on any girl looking to get with him. No pressure at all!
posted by Melinika at 9:24 PM on July 28, 2004

I love how he lists "passionate lovemaking" as one of his interests. Sure it's literally something he's interested in, but I thought interests were more commonly understood to be something you actually did i.e., if I count knitting and rock-climbing among my insterests, wouldn't you expect that I had actually knitted things and climbed some rocks?
posted by orange swan at 9:30 PM on July 28, 2004

What? Was humpaloser.com already taken so he had to go with devirginizemarc.com? He could market himself better by not showing off that kid touching grinny top pic.

And Orange Swan, maybe the passionate lovemaking he's talking about is just him, his dick and a big old loving bottle of AstroGlide?

But hey, if serial killers get marriage proposals then I'm sure some idiot chick will swoon for this sweaty chunk of loser.

And no, he's not a loser because he's a virgin at 27, he's a loser because he lists christmas lights as one of his interests and he as much admits that he has poor social skills, blunt, stubborn, argumentative, guarded, I smell a winner, oh no wait, sorry my dog farted.
posted by fenriq at 10:00 PM on July 28, 2004

Hey, I finished second in my 2nd grade spelling bee, too. Maybe it's fate.
posted by Zosia Blue at 10:04 PM on July 28, 2004

How times change. Where once, being a 27 year old virgin would be the stuff of shame and ridicule, a deep secret kept hidden from even your closest of friends, it's now glorified with a website. I wonder if his mom will kick him out of the house if he gets laid.
posted by crunchland at 10:29 PM on July 28, 2004

Jesus, you people are harsh.

I have a friend who was in a similar situation (virgin till early 30s; not trying to devirginize via the 'net). As someone who has, on numerous occasions, been accused of being a slut (and therefore on the opposite end of the spectrum), I would often talk to this friend about how sad I felt that he wasn't taking steps to change his situation (it wasn't by choice for him, nor did it have to do with "beliefs" or religion). The most heartfelt conversation I've ever had with a man was trying to convince him of what he was missing out on as a virgin (and "sex" wasn't one of those things).

I'm sure that if that person had listed his "qualities" and pic on a site there are those who would have judged him the same way some of you are judging this guy. However, knowing him, he's one of the coolest people you could hope to meet. The fact that he was a virgin for so long had really nothing to do with his character being bad or him being a jerk/ wimp / loser / whatever. He was merely shy or awkward around women. He's now 36 and a soon-to-be father with a kickass girlfriend.

I find people that are virgins till later than "normal" to be rather fascinating because I truly cannot fathom having never been intimate with another person. My relationships with women have without a doubt defined who I am more than anything else--more than education and family; more than art and nature; more than imagination and belief. I would be a shell of my current self without those interactions and what I do understand about myself--to the extent that I understand anything at all--has grown from those intimacies. I measure success in life not by finances, fame, property, or possesions, but by how well I (can/will/may/have) relate(d) to the opposite sex.

Though I fear this post is coming across as an ad for free love, I hope that's not the case. The only thing more powerful than truly sharing yourself with someone while they're doing the same with you is the complete control of who you share yourself with. (In my mid-20s I promised myself that I would never again share myself with anyone who I honestly didn't think deserved me.) Knock him as much as you like, that's one thing Marc does have going for him right now. (How many of us can honestly say that we have never fucked, felt, or kissed someone who didn't deserve us? No non-virgin I know, that's for sure.)

Bill Callahan once wrote:* "There's no truth in you. There's no truth in me. The truth is between." I think that without that between, one can never experience life fully.

Good luck to you, Marc, and godspeed!

*[video of the (mislabeled) song "truth serum" here.]
posted by dobbs at 10:45 PM on July 28, 2004

Am I the only one who knows this is a put-on?
posted by semmi at 10:51 PM on July 28, 2004

Really? How do you know? Actually the "testimonials" are sort of strange (but they could just be silly things people wrote in). If I've participated in spreading around a mean joke, I'd like to delete this post.
posted by onlyconnect at 11:21 PM on July 28, 2004

There's a book by Parker Palmer that I read in school called To Know as We Are Known that said something to that effect: "we will find truth not in the fine points of our theologies or in our organizational allegiances but in the quality of our relationships -- with each other and with the whole created world."

I don't know that I agree that sex is intimacy, tho' ... just one kind, if particularly especial and intense.
posted by weston at 11:39 PM on July 28, 2004

(Oh. My post was largely in response to dobbs' .. not at all clear at this point, but hey)
posted by weston at 11:40 PM on July 28, 2004

I don't know that I agree that sex is intimacy, tho' ... just one kind, if particularly especial and intense.

I agree with you, which is what I meant by (and "sex" wasn't one of those things).

However, I think the nonsexual intimacies you can experience with someone you have been sexual with are the intimacies that I most treasure and that I would most miss were I not privy to them (conundrum aside). I also believe that it is impossible (if only just for me) to experience those intimacies with people one has not been sexual with.

Your recollection of the Palmer quote is right on: "To say that truth is personal is to affirm the image of truth that lies within each person, regardless of creed or institutional affiliation. If truth is personal, then creeds and institutions are only the objectified shells of the truth-seeking life that pulses in every human heart. We will find truth not in the fine points of our theologies or in our organizational allegiances but in the quality of our relationships--with each other and with the whole created world."
posted by dobbs at 12:18 AM on July 29, 2004

He's a fucking dope.

Interests: naps, SQL, Christmas lights, weather patterns.

Seems to me like he is trying to ape those comments you see those personal ads at the onion. Stuff like

This prick Dr Shasta
The five items I can't live without: "Chekhov, a guitar, coffee, cereal, and that one pair of jeans that fit just right."


Also I think this guy looks like Ben Affleck without make up or contacts..
posted by kenaman at 1:10 AM on July 29, 2004

Sorry for the negative comments above.
I am bigtime hanged over.
Fair play to Marc I hope he gets laid.
He should deffo follow the Ben Affleck line though.
posted by kenaman at 1:14 AM on July 29, 2004

diveintomark, lol :)
posted by Satapher at 1:46 AM on July 29, 2004

Coincidentally, the perfect companion site for Marc (if he is for real) is right here at MarryBlaire.com -- I'm going to be 27 and I'm ready to get married. Actually, my goal is to be engaged by December 2004. As her "Countdown to My Engagement" clock warns, she only has 155 days left.

Her current suitors include a guy who likes DQ Blizzards and "home manicures"; past suitors are catalogued here, and the whole thing is blogged.

Too bad her requirement for Jewishness will not match up with Marc's Christmas light obsession.

And TTZ -- don't give up. You're still young! Maybe internet dating, or casual dates through craigslist or CityPaper, etc.
posted by onlyconnect at 2:02 AM on July 29, 2004

Not in this age range? Give up now.

Think of all those broken hearts: nubile 17 year-olds, hot older women . . .
posted by yerfatma at 4:06 AM on July 29, 2004

I think Marc would do better with a PayPal collection to buy some roofies.
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:13 AM on July 29, 2004

"So here's the truth: I'm a virgin because I'm waiting for the right person. Sex to me is an expression of a feeling deeper than anything I can explain, and it's only in the midst of that feeling that I want to have sex with anyone."

Or not. If he keeps on kidding himself like that and he'll keep his virginity more or less forever. Yeah, the sentiments are noble and everything, but how often is this kind of talk sincere? Rarely?

Poor boy is too old to be learning now that women tend to like their men to be at least a little on the rough side.

Besides being delusional and not entirely forthright or honest, there's a ton of repressed fear there; Namely fear of intimacy.

Above and beyond any of that the whole thing smells fishy.

Hey fellow noder-type-person Wolfdaddy? What's your gaydar echo signature on this one? 5-1 says girls scare him and he really wants a cute fuzzy wuzzy little bear to warm his den.
posted by loquacious at 7:19 AM on July 29, 2004

Interesting comment, TimTypeZed, thank you.
posted by Nelson at 7:56 AM on July 29, 2004

The curiously inane testimonials are at least a redeeming factor.

I don't really understand the motivation for the site, but I can see him getting quite a few offers from it.
posted by sinical at 8:30 AM on July 29, 2004

Hey fellow noder-type-person loquacious, my gaydar pings...but only a little. Most shy, retiring men in my experience turn out to be absolute tigers in the sack, but they're not all gay.

I'm a firm believer in the idea that same-sex encounters can offer a measure of self-confidence and ego-boosting to some men who are truly afraid to appear forward enough to take the first step with a woman. Many have been the 'curious' men who've asked me--all of them very sweetly and very tentatively--how they 'measured up', so to speak, during a sexual encounter that have then gone on to successfully enter into heterosexual relationships of long standing.

Too bad we repress that sort of idea so feverishly, as I've seen for myself how it benefits some men greatly.
posted by WolfDaddy at 8:48 AM on July 29, 2004

I'm sure there are some quite nice, if slightly nerdy young girls out there to whom he would appeal.

Nope, nerdy chicks don't do MBA's. ;) They've had to report to too many of them.

I have to ask the other ladies (I know there's only like 5 of us...but still), would you really want to have to train someone in their late 20's? I mean good lord, you'd have to find a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves and get him to take notes.

"No sweetie, that's a nipple...we don't twist the nipple like we're tuning a radio knob."

"No, angel pumpkin...the clitoris is higher ...higher ...lower ...no dear, that's my belly button..."

"No honey, I don't care if *you* think we're finished...trust me when I tell you, you're not."

Lawks almighty, who has time for that?
posted by dejah420 at 9:42 AM on July 29, 2004

"And they were all great girls. Maybe I'm meant to come upon one of them again..."

Okay, cat's out of the bag right there. Emphasis mine.
posted by cortex at 10:24 AM on July 29, 2004

Poor boy is too old to be learning now that women tend to like their men to be at least a little on the rough side.

You state this as a universal. It clearly is not.

One person's "a little on the rough side" is another's abusive thug.
posted by beth at 12:21 PM on July 29, 2004

yer all so friggin gullible. no wonder bush succeeds.
posted by quonsar at 12:29 PM on July 29, 2004

Lawks almighty, who has time for that?

27 yr old female virgins?
posted by Mitheral at 12:31 PM on July 29, 2004

I wonder if this would inherently be such a primary issue for someone, or if the climate of our society makes it more central than it needs to be. I've had a pretty normal sex life, I think (by NYC standards, a bit of a prude; by american mainstream standards, something of a slut...) but when I look back on "moments" in my life, I really don't think of moments in bed.

I guess it's just personal, but I still wonder if people who never really have sexual experiences just hype up the importance, not to mention their expectations. Sex can be great, or boring, or unpleasant, just like any other human interaction, and it can be extraordinarily intimate, or can make you feel lonely and isolated. Genitalia + genitalia does not somehow magically cause a connection in the brain. Emotional intimacy does not require sexual intimacy, and sexual intimacy does not guarantee emotional intimacy.
posted by mdn at 12:32 PM on July 29, 2004

I've had a pretty normal sex life, I think (by NYC standards, a bit of a prude; by american mainstream standards, something of a slut...)

Actually, I remeber reading somewhere that citizens of the tri-state area are more likely to keep their virginity till marraige than any other region in the country. The whole Sex In The City/Swinging New York stereotype is just that. That lifestyle was for a tiny elite minority, wealthy, attractive or "liberated" enough to indulge. The rest of New York like everywhere else, continues on in rather mundane fashion.

One person's "a little on the rough side" is another's abusive thug.

Conversely, one persons "sensitive guy" is another's wussy girly-man. Vive la differance.
posted by jonmc at 1:01 PM on July 29, 2004

this dude is getting piled on for putting it out there and attempting to find exactly what he wants?

Shame on y..oh, i forgot, i'm reading a metafilter thread - so sorry. carry on.
posted by elphTeq at 7:48 AM on July 30, 2004