My eyes... the burning...

August 26, 2004 7:17 PM

Pour Some Sugar On Me, as reinvisioned by Townsend, a boy band. Some would say it's the worst thing they'd ever seen, but I'd hazard a guess that it may actually be the worst thing ever filmed. The song is enhanced with a rap section, and the video is enhanced with the addition of the jackass from Smashmouth, for some bizarre reason. NSFNSAVI (not safe for the non sight & vision impaired)
posted by jonson (65 comments total)

Wow.
posted by techgnollogic at 7:24 PM on August 26, 2004

I'm not a violent person, but I'm seized with the overwhelming desire to beat each of those kids with a dead carp. I'm pretty sure I could take 'em all at once, too.
posted by Tubes at 7:33 PM on August 26, 2004

Holy shit. Speachless.

"Im hot, sugar sweet, from my hands to my feet - ya - oo!"
posted by Quartermass at 7:36 PM on August 26, 2004

...Deep.. hurting....

oh, it burns..
posted by keswick at 7:39 PM on August 26, 2004

Perhaps some of this may be in order?
posted by Quartermass at 7:42 PM on August 26, 2004

That is some kind of sick fucking joke, right? Please tell me it is. That was absolutely unbearable.

I'm with Tubes, but I would use a bat.
posted by a3matrix at 7:46 PM on August 26, 2004

It's not a joke, it's real. Trust me it's still better than Mariah Carey doing "Bringing On A HeartbreaK"
posted by riffola at 7:54 PM on August 26, 2004

Just me, or is the scene where they're being chased in high speed by the girls a reference to A Hard Day's Night?
posted by kenko at 7:55 PM on August 26, 2004

it's the worst thing they'd ever seen, but I'd hazard a guess that it may actually be the worst thing ever filmed.

Ugh, I think your right. I couldn't watch more than 30 seconds of it before I had to stop it. I thought I had a strong stomach but that was something else.
posted by bobo123 at 7:57 PM on August 26, 2004

This has got to be a joke. They're not listed in allmusic, there's very few Google results.. It has to be a hoax. Please let it be a hoax?
posted by keswick at 7:57 PM on August 26, 2004

direct link
posted by dobbs at 8:00 PM on August 26, 2004

The front man really has no presence.
posted by kenko at 8:04 PM on August 26, 2004

My eyes. My eyes.

Isn't this an illegal cross-homage by combining a cover of an 80s rock song with a video containing Nirvana-evoking (but cleaned up) cheerleaders?

Thankfully, Townsend seems to have broken up, though they have left bad fan sites in their wake.
posted by deanc at 8:04 PM on August 26, 2004

I've seen guys getting each other hand jobs during the San Francisco Gay Pride parade, but this video is still the gayest thing I have ever seen.
posted by Down10 at 8:13 PM on August 26, 2004

Isn't that the singer from the unbearable, "Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on" band at the opening of the video, watching the television and looking all tuff?
posted by tomharpel at 8:15 PM on August 26, 2004

tomharpel: yeah, that's the jackass from smashmouth. *ugh*
posted by bob sarabia at 8:19 PM on August 26, 2004

Paired with "Tek" from MTVs RealWorld??? Anyway, yeah, this was the worst video I have ever seen, and I will have to slash my wrists if these guys make it.
posted by xammerboy at 8:23 PM on August 26, 2004

As if they would let the guy from Smashmouth out of prison so that he could watch this video with Tek and drink beer. Pretty unbelievable.
posted by crazy finger at 8:32 PM on August 26, 2004

But is it worse than these folks doing a cover of "Photograph?"
posted by djspicerack at 8:43 PM on August 26, 2004

Well, it's the Department of Television, Film, Radio and Theater at San Jose State University, so I would argue that Townsend is a fabrication.
posted by O9scar at 8:59 PM on August 26, 2004

But is it worse than these folks doing a cover of "Photograph?"

Easily.
posted by dobbs at 9:03 PM on August 26, 2004

Figured. Just thought I would attempt to share the pain from when I flipped past that song on the radio and said "hey....I know these lyrics..."
posted by djspicerack at 9:05 PM on August 26, 2004

You guys that can't stomach watching it to the end are missing out on something really good. Don't anyone tell them what happens.
posted by iconomy at 9:05 PM on August 26, 2004

Actually, I thought that the cover of "Working in a Coal Mine" on the Malibu Storm site was a lot worse than "Photograph", but that's just me.
posted by dryad at 9:06 PM on August 26, 2004

"it's the worst thing they'd ever seen"

Not surprising considering that the song itself is the epitome of corporate rock crap. ;-P
posted by mischief at 9:33 PM on August 26, 2004

my eyes.. the goggles do nothing!
posted by badzen at 9:44 PM on August 26, 2004

Smacks of William Hung. Totally Kick-Ass!

"Intro starts and we get all the kids hyped up! We have a pretty good show and follow with a meet n' greet. Then we head off to the office and sign some more autographs for the schools administration. Somehow in the midst of everything that is going on, Matt talks one of the secretaries into giving him a big bag of Hot Tamales, yum!!"
posted by Feisty at 9:53 PM on August 26, 2004

Wow, poor tek. I always wondered what happened to him. Guess that reality TV doesn't always make one a star. Or even an actor. Or even an extra on a non-more-suck-than-suck-itself music video.
posted by zpousman at 9:55 PM on August 26, 2004

a boy band

Oh.

Somehow I missed this phrase and figured Pete Townshend's cover of Leppard would be worth having a look at. I'm... pretty sure Pete wasn't in that video.
posted by Galvatron at 10:01 PM on August 26, 2004

On the upside, they enunciate beautifully, and now I know it's a bubble they're breaking up and not a "humlikeiknowthewords POUR SOME SUGAR ON MEEEEEEE!"
posted by headspace at 10:06 PM on August 26, 2004

wow, i just watched event horizon last night. tearing out your eyes seems like a valid response.
posted by rhyax at 10:24 PM on August 26, 2004

Apparently Farnsworth was a bit off on his dating the end of the era when BOY BANDS ROAMED THE EARTH!

mmmm ... boy bands
posted by WolfDaddy at 10:36 PM on August 26, 2004

OMFG. This is hysterical. Great link.
posted by litlnemo at 11:10 PM on August 26, 2004

Well, gee, I thought it was kinda poppy, kinda cool. My 7-year-old-daughter kinda dug it. Very, very white.

Kenko - I think you're right, there was an attempt at filmed Beatles, but they appeared to be more like Moe (#1 Stooge, apart from Iggy).
posted by skyscraper at 11:17 PM on August 26, 2004

[this is ... eh ... I have no idea]

"very, very white" pretty much sums it up. jeebus!
posted by mr.marx at 11:23 PM on August 26, 2004

Trust me it's still better than Mariah Carey doing "Bringing On A HeartbreaK"

Damn you! I'd almost erased the memory of that from my mind!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:21 AM on August 27, 2004

the song itself is the epitome of corporate rock crap.

I'd disagree. The song is very well crafted.

This video, on the other hand, is a steaming pile of Huckapoo.
posted by weston at 12:57 AM on August 27, 2004

I love the fact that the girl behind the drums was only using one arm.
posted by emelenjr at 1:15 AM on August 27, 2004

Whaddya want, Weston? It's a Huckapoo world! (And for you lucky NY Mefites: tickets go on sale Monday.)
posted by dobbs at 1:44 AM on August 27, 2004

Matt is a dreamboat.
posted by holloway at 2:42 AM on August 27, 2004

Uh yeah, brother and sister, that's what I first thought too.
posted by holloway at 2:50 AM on August 27, 2004

That poor innocent pug...
posted by sciurus at 5:40 AM on August 27, 2004

As a bunch of wise men once said: "Hold my breath as I wish for death..."

*weeps like a little girl*
posted by jonmc at 6:34 AM on August 27, 2004

I saw Millie Jackson do this song live. Much, much better--I felt like she, you know, meant it.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:39 AM on August 27, 2004

"well crafted"

Crafted? Certainly.
Well crafted? Def Leppard was the Journey of hair metal.
posted by mischief at 7:43 AM on August 27, 2004

The video's shite, yes, but I'm not sure that this replaces Westlife's cover of "Mandy" (yes, the Manilow song) for "worst boy-band cover ever."
posted by Johnny Assay at 7:46 AM on August 27, 2004

Oh dear. My street name is Townsend. I'll never get this video out of my head. I must move.
posted by JanetLand at 7:47 AM on August 27, 2004

I never thought I'd live long enough to type this sentence, but:

I really hope Def Leppard is getting paid out of this.
posted by chicobangs at 8:05 AM on August 27, 2004

Actually as pop-metal went, Def Leppard were pretty good, basically because they managed to satisfy both sides of the equation. "...Sugar" is far from their best work, but it's a good arena stomper.

Def Leppard was the Journey of hair metal.

No, there were hair metal bands far more deserving of hatred, like Motley Crue, Winger, and Europe.
posted by jonmc at 8:14 AM on August 27, 2004

David Boreanaz does a kick-ass cover of Mandy.

What?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 8:30 AM on August 27, 2004

Is David Boreanaz in your living room right now, EB? Did he make you type that?
posted by chicobangs at 8:39 AM on August 27, 2004

He hasn't had much work lately, so he's, you know, been hanging out over here and suggesting various ways to virally market his name. I saw an opportunity and I took it. I'm not evil.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 8:57 AM on August 27, 2004

Well, to be honest this isn't surprising. Can anyone think of a better song for a group of commercial narcissistic peter-pan wannabes than an 80s commercial anthem of adolescent sexual narcissism?
posted by KirkJobSluder at 11:13 AM on August 27, 2004

Well, KJS, to be fair, the guys in Def Leppard managed to make music that made their male sexual narcissism (always a part of rock and roll, anyway) sound convincing whereas the hairless twinks in this boy band couldn't.
posted by jonmc at 11:19 AM on August 27, 2004

Just me, or is the scene where they're being chased in high speed by the girls a reference to A Hard Day's Night?

Definitely just you.

Nirvana-evoking (but cleaned up) cheerleaders

Also just you. These cheerleaders have almost exactly nothing in common with the cheerleaders in the Nirvana video.

Crafted? Certainly.
Well crafted? Def Leppard was the Journey of hair metal.

Are you suggesting that there was such a thing as authentic, non-commercial hair metal? In their genre, Def Leppard was better than just about everybody else. (The same, actually, could be said of Journey.)
posted by jjg at 11:21 AM on August 27, 2004

"authentic" and "commercial" are not mutually exclusive terms, jjg.
posted by jonmc at 11:23 AM on August 27, 2004

I'm mirroring the file. Feel free to spread this one around, since their server is getting slammed.
posted by waxpancake at 11:32 AM on August 27, 2004

Just me, or is the scene where they're being chased in high speed by the girls a reference to A Hard Day's Night?

Definitely a Beatles riff. I think the whole video was designed and filmed as a very clever parody. That's what I'm telling myself. For I refuse to believe that we are having a ressurection of the boyband phenom...
posted by dejah420 at 11:58 AM on August 27, 2004

jonmc: Well, KJS, to be fair, the guys in Def Leppard managed to make music that made their male sexual narcissism (always a part of rock and roll, anyway) sound convincing whereas the hairless twinks in this boy band couldn't.

Perhaps it is just having been jaded from overabundance in high school, but Def Leppard did not sound all that convincing, and tripped well over the line from "well crafted" to "overproduced". From "commercial" to "cynically crafted to maximize marketability."
posted by KirkJobSluder at 12:08 PM on August 27, 2004

This is actually worse than that Christian Slater trailer from a week or two ago. (Which the director has taken down now. Anyone got a mirror on that?)
posted by dobbs at 1:06 PM on August 27, 2004

Thanks for the mirror on this one, wax. If everyone in the world saw this video, world peace could arrive, if only for as long as we all continued to convulse in horrified laughter.
posted by chicobangs at 1:20 PM on August 27, 2004

I could only watch a bit of it before I had to shut it off.

Nonetheless, I'm convinced it was a spoof. It seemed deliberately bad.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:24 PM on August 27, 2004

Jesus, did someone lose a bet?
posted by NortonDC at 7:48 PM on August 29, 2004

The boys from Townsend are, if nothing else, excellent role models. I mean, after all, they're all virgins. Otherwise, they couldn't have sung the line "You've got the peaches, I've got the cream" without changing their expressions one tiny bit. They clearly have no idea what it means. Such adorable innocence.

Pardon me now, I have to go and vomit.
posted by Dreama at 5:11 AM on August 30, 2004

Naw, Dreama, see, here's the genius of the song. Hang with me here for a second.

For you, it's a rock and roll horndog's extended metaphor of a come-on, slyly delivered through batted eyelashes and slick boozy ten-minutes-after-last-call lips to some unsuspecting quarry who may have missed her last bus home, and the two tequila shots her best friend did with her aren't completely agreeing with her and whom she's separated from because her friend is waiting outside and there's no cel phone reception in the backstage area, and suddenly everything is one big ball of I'm-not-sure, and yet here right in front of her is this beacon of charisma and I-know-what-you-need with his ever-so-slightly cokey nose just nuzzling the tip of her earlobe and making up these words on the fly, knowing they'll work as long as he can keep her attention long enough for them to make their way into her head, and down through her pleasure zones, one nerve ending at a time, until she melts in a pool at his feet and he mops her up and takes her back to the hotel. Much humping ensues.

But for Townsend, it's a song about dessert toppings.

Multiple interpretations. There is no right or wrong.
posted by chicobangs at 7:25 AM on August 30, 2004