O'Reilly is more of a freak than I thought.

October 13, 2004 10:01 PM

Bill O'Reilly Hit with Sex Suit: Female Fox coworker details lewd behavior of cable TV star:"Based on the extensive quotations cited in the complaint, it appears a safe bet that Mackris, 33, recorded some of O'Reilly's more steamy soliloquies. For example, we direct you to his Caribbean shower fantasies. While we suggest reading the entire document, TSG will point you to interesting sections on a Thailand sex show, Al Franken, and the climax of one August 2004 phone conversation."
posted by The God Complex (106 comments total)

I'll never eat felafel again.
posted by chrisgregory at 10:05 PM on October 13, 2004

Totally gross. As with many things as of late, it's amazing when it comes out that people are actually as evil as they seem.
posted by VulcanMike at 10:05 PM on October 13, 2004

Check out what he says about Al Franken too. He's pretty much saying that FOX news head Roger Ailes has connections to the White House (which is an open secret at Fox is the propaganda arm of the White House) and they will make Franken pay for his "dissent." Amazing. Where is the outrage?
posted by skallas at 10:15 PM on October 13, 2004

Franken link here
posted by skallas at 10:17 PM on October 13, 2004

Plus he used a vibrator shaped like a cock on himself while lewdly phoning someone who wasn't interested in him (a subordinate)! What a creep.
posted by The God Complex at 10:17 PM on October 13, 2004

I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business.
posted by noisia at 10:18 PM on October 13, 2004

I'm less interested in the sex thing, I mean we knew something like this was bound to happen. What I'm more interested in is the Al Franken comment. Could this lead to an investigation into Fox News? I think possibly the levee just broke and if Fox News is slandered bad enough with obvious political connections they can't recoup.

I only hope that it is as The Smoking Gun speculates, that she did tape man conversations. I imagine it had to be taped or else they wouldn't have so many long quotes, this was a brilliant move on her part. Seems that O'Reilly called her bluff on having any dirt on him, and just got Factored.

Okay so for a sequence of events (presumably):

- Woman gets harrassed by O'Reilly

- At some point realizes she can get back at him, sees lawyer possibly who advises her to wear a wire/record conversations. Without tape conversations it's a his word vs her word.

- Woman asks for out of court settlement, O'Reilly believes he can stand immune to accusations.

- Everything goes public.

Anyone care to correct/postulate?
posted by geoff. at 10:26 PM on October 13, 2004

shut up! shut up! shut up!
posted by fishbulb at 10:47 PM on October 13, 2004

All that pressure just for phone sex? Talk about the "Powell Doctrine" as applied to dating.
posted by rks404 at 11:04 PM on October 13, 2004

But did he complain about a pubic hair on a can of Coke?
posted by clevershark at 11:29 PM on October 13, 2004

The first time I heard his voice, I pictured a cranky middle-aged man in a porkpie hat parked on the shitter with a cigar in his mouth, constipated and damned cranky about it.

O how my imagination has failed me.
posted by trondant at 11:31 PM on October 13, 2004

I'm less interested in the sex thing, I mean we knew something like this was bound to happen.

But it's not the fact that he's a freak. That wouldn't be crazy or anything. It's all the other weird, creepy, stalker-like stuff. I mean, if someone wants to phone someone up with a vibrator in their ass, I'd hope the person was, you know, expecting it.

Plus that falafel shit was just weird.
posted by The God Complex at 11:57 PM on October 13, 2004

If you have read the lawsuit (which btw really was a page turner), then check out O'reilly's take in the NY Daily News last year on Hillary Clinton and putting up with good ol' Bill's sexual antics:

"First, the setup. There is no way on earth that a woman as intelligent as Hillary Clinton could not have understood the weakness and the true character of her husband, even if he did look like a Viking at one time. Former President Bill Clinton is not a subtle man. He loves adulation, and he loves women. You don't need a Ph.D. to add it up...

...Look at it this way. Both Hillary and Jackie (Kennedy) led charmed lives in the White House. They traveled the globe on private jets, met fascinating people and received the affection of the world. Both acquired fame, prestige and power, which Hillary, in particular, relishes. It was a wonderful life. Why disturb it with a close examination of your husband's conduct?

Millions of Americans have made the same tradeoff, and that is completely their business. But if you do enter into that bargain, don't play the victim when it blows up."

Loves adulation and women? Millions of Americans made the same tradeoff? I can't help but think that O'Reilly, in describing Clinton, must have felt he writing about a kindred spirit. Me thinks they were twins, seperated at birth...one raised to lead the free world, the other to rage against him...but deep inside, they knew they were connected by something deeper than politics and ideologies: They loved the ladies.
posted by nix at 12:02 AM on October 14, 2004

I thought the weirdest part is O'Reilly admitting that a woman at fox will never go very far, kind of revealing entrenched sexism that could be actionable.

Of course the sex stuff is bizarre, especially because he considers himself "a traditionalist" and not a conservative. I wonder what is traditional about phoning people up when you've got a vibrator up your ass. Did they do that back in the '50s?
posted by mathowie at 12:07 AM on October 14, 2004

People on the wingnut boards obviously had it wrong. They have been accusing O'Blarney of moderating his tone lately charging that he was angling for Dan Rather job. Obviously he going for Howard Stern's.
posted by RavinDave at 12:11 AM on October 14, 2004

So, anyone else naked while they're typing?


/I kid, I kid .... swear to God, I kid.
posted by RavinDave at 12:14 AM on October 14, 2004

.... during the course of their dinner in early May 2002, Defendant Bill O'Reilly's demeanor abruptly changed. O'Reilly's eyes became glazed and bizarrely strayed in opposite directions.... Plaintiff was repulsed.... When Plaintiff responded that she had never engaged in phone sex, Defendant Bill O'Reilly professed disbelief and told her that the sexual stories he told were all based upon his own experiences, such as when he recieved a massage in a cabana in Bali and the 'little short brown woman' asked to see his penis and was 'amazed'.... perverted ravings.... paranoid ramblings... Plaintiff was repulsed... During the course of Defendant Bill O'Reilly's [telephone] sexual rant, it became clear that he was using a vibrator on himself, and that he ejaculated. Plaintiff was repulsed. Immediately after climaxing, Defendant Bill O'Reilly launched into a discussion concerning how good he was during a recent appearance on 'The Tonight Show' with Jay Leno... he telephoned and launched into another disgusting, lewd and disturbing monologue...

I haven't laughed so hard in ages. I know you've all read this stuff, but I just had to repeat it, you know?
posted by jokeefe at 12:43 AM on October 14, 2004

Guys, I know it's easy to leap on accusations as facts - but this chap is innocent until proven otherwise. I'm not biased; being a bloody Englisher means I don't know who this minor American celebrity is.
posted by DrDoberman at 12:59 AM on October 14, 2004

I wrote about this today. I had to think about the proper post headline before settling on "The O'oh'oh Factor". ;-)

To me, this doesn't have the feel of a frivolous lawsuit.

I mean, here is Andrea Mackris, a young, educated and obviously very talented woman. She went to a good college, got an internship at the White House, and worked her way up through three major television networks, producing FoxNews' biggest show. She brings in around $95K a year, which is actually low for her job title, but is quite something for any 32-year-old in broadcasting. She has apparently been responsible for booking many of O'Reilly's major guests over the last four years, and probably has a rolodex that puts all of ours to shame.

By coming forward, she is probably throwing her career away. She's obviously not rich, so the fact that she hired new york's best discrimination attorney seems to indicate that he's only getting paid should she win the case.

This is a hotshot who has never lost a case in his life, and who doesn't even touch cases if he's not sure that he will get a payoff. To me, this does *NOT* indicate a frivolous lawsuit. Quite the opposite. It indicates that she came to him with solid evidence capable of finding both O'Reilly *AND* FoxNews liable for damages.

I suspect, therefore, that the pre-emptive countersuit by O'Reilly's lawyers is pure hype -- a way of minimizing the public relations cost this will have to FoxNews and O'Reilly.
The very wording of their countersuit seems to suggest that several phone conversations did occur, and this article indicates that O'Reilly's lawyers think that Mackris has tapes too, as they want them.

They say that they want the tapes, as it will prove their client's innocence, but the truth is, they don't know what's on the tapes. Rather, they want to know exactly what O'Reilly said and how bad the damage is. Too bad. They'll have to wait for the discovery phase, assuming the case ever gets that far.

The tapes are obviously damaging... how damaging is a matter of conjecture. Neither Fox nor O'Reilly stand to benefit by going to trial, and the plaintiff doesn't benefit by having the tapes go public, as the dollar amount of any settlement is dependent upon how much Fox & O'Reilly are willing to pay for the public not hearing them. Expect this case to quietly be settled, unless Mackris' lawyer, Benedict Morelli, wants to take this case to court in order to prove a point / build himself into a legend / make FoxNews eat it bigtime. If so, expect Morelli to win. By all accounts, he's that good.
posted by insomnia_lj at 1:22 AM on October 14, 2004

As for why FoxNews/O'Reilly didn't settle for $60M, well... it's really a *HUGE* settlement for a sexual harassment suit. Morelli is known for getting huge settlements, however.

I would guess that FoxNews has asked O'Reilly how bad the calls were, and O'Reilly didn't want to put the O'noose around his O'neck with his employer. Therefore, he says "the tapes will clear me". Frankly, I doubt that.

So, O'Reilly countersues / "outs himself" to minimize the damage, and Fox & O'Reilly probably settle anyway, most likely for half the initial offer. Morelli extracts as much $$ as he can by making sure that the settlement is hushed up, the tape never sees the light of day, and all is well in the world.
posted by insomnia_lj at 1:33 AM on October 14, 2004

Morelli extracts as much $$ as he can by making sure that the settlement is hushed up, the tape never sees the light of day, and all is well in the world.

Except that we've all now read transcripts. You can be damn well sure I don't want to actually hear O'Reilly's heavy breathing.
posted by The God Complex at 1:36 AM on October 14, 2004

DrDoberman: Thank your lucky stars... Think of an older, more annoying, Richard Littlejohn.

Reading BOR's attempts at 'phone sex is both hilarious and repellant at the same time...I'll never be able to look at a loofah in the same way again *shudder*

Might be worth listening to The O'Franken Factor later on ;-)
posted by i_cola at 2:02 AM on October 14, 2004

DrDoberman: Thank your lucky stars... Think of an older, more annoying, Richard Littlejohn

Euuuhh..!
posted by DrDoberman at 2:12 AM on October 14, 2004

frankly, is anybody actually surprised by this thing?
posted by matteo at 2:23 AM on October 14, 2004

(well, except the falafel. that surprised me, too)
posted by matteo at 2:24 AM on October 14, 2004

Plus he used a vibrator shaped like a cock on himself while lewdly phoning someone

Holy crap, TGC. First I read that comment and thought you were just being sarcastic. Then I clicked the link. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

O'Reilly didn't want to put the O'noose around his O'neck

...while making his O-face? You know what I'm talkin' about!

I'm glad she's taking his sorry ass to court. $60 million would be nice, but you really can't put a price on seeing an asshole like O'Reilly publically humiliated in front of his admirerers. LOOK AT YOUR GOD NOW!
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 2:34 AM on October 14, 2004

frankly, is anybody actually surprised by this thing?

I don't know. I just couldn't stop laughing. I even phoned my friend and read some of it to him:

"remember that guy I told you about who told this guy whose father died in 9.11 that he was disrespecting his memory, even though he didn't know the guy's dad? Yeah, him. You have to hear this."
posted by The God Complex at 2:37 AM on October 14, 2004

According to insomnia_lj's first link on Morelli("So what if he never finished law school?"), it seems that you don't have to go to law school to be a lawyer in the US??
posted by Gyan at 2:43 AM on October 14, 2004

Did they do that back in the '50s?

I think so, but the batteries were way bigger.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:34 AM on October 14, 2004

True or not, America usually loves a good sex scandal. So far, it seems that O'Reilly's countersuit is getting more play than the lawsuit on most news sources I've looked at. Nice that the Smoking Gun has, once again, scooped traditional media sources.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:41 AM on October 14, 2004

I think so, but the batteries were way bigger.

Ew.

Funny, but ew.

Also, that falafel thing is still making me laugh.
posted by The God Complex at 3:45 AM on October 14, 2004

I cracked up when they were talking about this on the local news earlier. They also said a third Paris Hilton sex tape has surfaced. I didn't know there was a second one. That girl disturbs me. I think Paris and Bill would be a great couple.
posted by bargle at 3:46 AM on October 14, 2004

it seems that you don't have to go to law school to be a lawyer in the US??

You have to pass the bar, and in some states to take the bar you must have a law degree. Other states don't require this, but you're going to have a very difficult time passing the bar without the schooling.

In Vermont, for instance, you can clerk or "read for the bar," which means you work for a lawyer while learning the insides and out of the law. Good luck finding a lawyer that will hire someone without a degree. Some examples of people who have done this are Superior Court Judges Amy Davenport and Ellen Maloney, Defender General Robert Appel, and Supreme Court Justice Marilyn Skoglund.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:52 AM on October 14, 2004

makes them all seem more like a bunch of freaks today, no?
posted by amberglow at 5:26 AM on October 14, 2004

makes them all seem more like a bunch of freaks today, no?

Only three black men, no minorities at all and no women at all. Nice cross section they have there.
posted by DrDoberman at 5:31 AM on October 14, 2004

Rather, they want to know exactly what O'Reilly said and how bad the damage is.

... so they can make the decision about whether to hang him out to dry? (I can dream...)
posted by lodurr at 5:47 AM on October 14, 2004

Some examples of people who have ["read for the bar"] this are Superior Court Judges Amy Davenport and Ellen Maloney, Defender General Robert Appel, and Supreme Court Justice Marilyn Skoglund.

Not to mention President Abraham Lincoln, and just about every lawyer in America before sometime after the mid-19th century. Lawyering used to be a trade, not a profession. You learned it by apprenticeship. That tradition extended into modern times in some countries, like the Netherlands.
posted by lodurr at 5:49 AM on October 14, 2004

Well if the allegations on Bill sexcapades are true, they wouldn't really suprise me...he is a control freak that doesn't tolerate disagreement..so imagine a woman daring telling him NO ! How DARE she liberal beyotch !

Needless to say 10 minutes before the disagreement she was, in his eyes, the sexiest thing on earth who cares if she's liberal or martian.....

What a girlie man indeed.
posted by elpapacito at 6:10 AM on October 14, 2004

Actually, the funniest part is that these convos sound exactly like the excerpt from Those Who Tresspass that Al Franken quotes in his much better, book. In fairness, I haven't read the O'Reilly book. But then there isn't a bus ride long enough to reduce me to that kind of desperation.

Anyway, my point is, this should be no suprise. Nonetheless my brain feels permanently stained. I think I'm going to go take enough drugs so that when you google me with 'oreilly loofa shower' I come up with no hits.
posted by lumpenprole at 6:19 AM on October 14, 2004

I suspect, therefore, that the pre-emptive countersuit by O'Reilly's lawyers is pure hype ...

O'Reilly's suit was an attempt to make today's headline "Fox News, O'Reilly Producer Trade Charges," as it was in early wire reports, instead of the headlines being used now: "TV Host O'Reilly Accused of Harassment."

I think the conventional wisdom is that her transcripts are too specific not to be recorded on tape somewhere. O'Reilly should have factored that possibility in before making those calls.
posted by rcade at 6:34 AM on October 14, 2004

Could someone explain the erotic possibilities of a shower falafel?


posted by rcade at 6:40 AM on October 14, 2004

makes them all seem more like a bunch of freaks today, no?

I don't watch FOX, so please forgive this question...

Pat Sajak and James Brown are FOX "talking heads"??? I know Pat did/does Wheel of Fortune and that James Brown does FOX's NFL show, but they talk politics too?!?!?!?!!
posted by terrapin at 6:50 AM on October 14, 2004

Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly.

(...)

Stripping off her bathing-suit, she walked into the huge shower. She pulled the lime green curtain across the entrance and then set the water for a tepid 75-degrees. The spray felt great against her skin as she ducked her head underneath the nozzle. Closing her eyes she concentrated on the tingling sensation of water flowing against her body. Suddenly another sensation entered, Ashley felt two large hands wrap themselves around her breasts and hot breathe on the back of her neck. She opened her eyes wide and giggled, "I thought you drowned out there snorkel man."

Tommy O'Malley was naked and at attention. "Drowning is not an option", he said, "unless of course you beg me to perform unnatural acts – right here in this shower."

-Those Who Trespass, Bill O’Reilly
posted by mr.marx at 6:54 AM on October 14, 2004

The irony of all this is how Fox News got successful in the first place by harping over and over about the tape recordings implicating a man of sexual deviancy.

However, the more appropriate reaction of the moment: Eeeeeeeew.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:59 AM on October 14, 2004

That falafel thing is weird. I always pegged O'Reilly as a baba ghanoush man, myself.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:01 AM on October 14, 2004

...and a "girl" at a sex show in Thailand who had shown him things in a back room that "blew [his] mind."

Things or thing?!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:22 AM on October 14, 2004

I always pegged O'Reilly

No comment.
posted by terrapin at 7:23 AM on October 14, 2004

"...Plus he used a vibrator shaped like a cock on himself..."

"I'm Bill O'Reilly, and this is a Sit'n'spin Zone."
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:35 AM on October 14, 2004

I read in the latest James Ellroy book that Ellroy and O'Reilly are freinds. At the time it baffled me, but I guess james was just looking for material or something.
posted by jonmc at 7:52 AM on October 14, 2004

Not quite the October Surprise I had imagined, but still, good to distract that attack dog at the, er, right time, eh?
posted by chandy72 at 8:12 AM on October 14, 2004

WOW - THIS GUY IS TOAST!
posted by xammerboy at 8:14 AM on October 14, 2004

And I was going to go to Moishe's for lunch today.
posted by eatitlive at 8:20 AM on October 14, 2004

O'Reilly's response:

Hi, I'm Bill O'Reilly... thanks for watching us tonight... we are living in treacherous times. That's the subject of this evening's Talking Points Memo.

Just about every famous person I know has been threatened and worked over by somebody. Fame makes you a target... it is something that has to be taken seriously. As I've mentioned before, I have received many threats over the years... everything from death letters to some guy running around the country offering people $25 thousand to sign affidavits accusing me of whatever.

The lawyers here at Fox News have been great in dealing with these situations... but there comes a time when enough's enough.... and so this morning I had to file a lawsuit against some people who are demanding $60 million, or they will "punish me and Fox News."

$60 million. I really can't say anything else. I don't want to waste your time with this... the justice system has the case, we'll see what happens. But in the end, this is all about hurting me and the Fox News Channel. And that's the memo.
posted by Ljubljana at 8:25 AM on October 14, 2004

Did they do that back in the '50s?

I think so, but the batteries were way bigger.

And all the operators plus anyone you shared a part line with knew.
posted by Mitheral at 8:28 AM on October 14, 2004

God there are so many jokes, aren't there?!
I LOVE THIS.

(pulls out poetry journal)

I like it when Bill O'Reilly and I are in bed.
He whispers sweet shut ups into my head.
Slaps me verbally with dildo til I'm red.
He'll countersue, telling national tv I'm dead.
posted by Peter H at 8:30 AM on October 14, 2004

Oh, and you know O'Reilly was just asking for the lawsuit, baby.
Look how he was dressed? He was just begging for it. I bet he likes it.
posted by Peter H at 8:33 AM on October 14, 2004

Yeah, jonmc. Ellroy told Robert Birnbaum

"Let me put it this way. If Bill O'Reilly ever decides to run for office, I will reach into my checkbook make the maximum allowable individual campaign contribution and assist him in his quest for public office to the limits of my ability."

I think Ellroy first met O'Reilly when he wrote an October 2001 GQ piece on him. He also wrote the afterword to O'Reilly's No Spin Zone. I don't see what Ellroy sees in O'Reilly, but to be fair, Ellroy's reasons are admirable:

"He shares my hatred and moral concerns about the death penalty among other things. And he is a pro-environment guy. And I am the world's biggest lover of wildlife, and I want to secure the lives of the polar bears. Whatever it costs, whatever it takes."

Just right now, however, I don't want to think about Bill O'Reilly and polar bears.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:34 AM on October 14, 2004

"Then I'll take the falafel [sic] and rub it all over your furry white belly, maybe getting, uh, a few of your teats nice and hard..."
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 8:44 AM on October 14, 2004

Wait, is Ellroy trying to say that O'Reilly is against the death penalty, above? Is O'Reilly against the death penalty? That would surprise me if true.

O'Reilly used to be on the news here in Boston, but I only remember that he always looked very, very orange. He doesn't look as orange now.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:05 AM on October 14, 2004

Defendant expressed disbelief.
posted by Peter H at 9:15 AM on October 14, 2004

Disclaimer: I think James Ellroy is a brilliant writer and he was a very freindly and likable guy the couple of times I met him running book signings. O'Reilley I never cared for, he was Morton Downey without the charisma.
posted by jonmc at 9:32 AM on October 14, 2004

If someone with an upright public persona like Bob Crane turns out to have been a sex addict, then certainly Bill O'Reilly can be a falaphiliac.
posted by RakDaddy at 9:37 AM on October 14, 2004

then certainly Bill O'Reilly can be a falaphiliac.

A what, now?

Amusingly, if you try to look up falaphiliac on dictionary.com, one of the suggested spellings is 'falafel.'
posted by kickingtheground at 9:48 AM on October 14, 2004

I thought I remembered hearing on this very filter of metas that it was a felony to record someone else without their knowledge/consent. Is this not the case throughout the US, or is it just wrong?

Also, I was confused about Pat Sajak too, terrapin. And have you noticed how huge his head is in proportion to the rest of his body?
posted by picea at 9:55 AM on October 14, 2004

O'Reilly is anti Death-Penalty yes. He's no kool aid drinker for the right, seriously. I'm kind of confused sometimes by why he raises such terrific ire from the left. His show is pretty entertaining.

And we really don't know if these claims are true or not. Why did she go back to work with him after he allegedly scared her so bad? and SIXTY MILLION dollars?

Not taking sides, but let's not get all excited.
posted by glenwood at 10:05 AM on October 14, 2004

In New York, as long as one party consents to the recording - in this case Mackris, it's legal. Only 12 states (California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington) require consent from both parties.
posted by Tenuki at 10:12 AM on October 14, 2004

Best I could come up with, kickingtheground. Coffee hasn't kicked in yet.
posted by RakDaddy at 10:12 AM on October 14, 2004

"I thought I remembered hearing on this very filter of metas that it was a felony to record someone else without their knowledge/consent..."

Depends on the state. New York allows people to record phone calls.
posted by insomnia_lj at 10:18 AM on October 14, 2004

I'm not sure that I'm surprised that O'Reilly against the death penalty because I expect everyone at Fox to be lockstepping to Roger Ailes's slightest whim--I don't--but because it just doesn't seem to fit with the "kill 'em all" statements he made in the early days of the Iraq war.

I really like Ellroy's novels, but Jesus, that quote is illiterate. I just couldn't parse it.

Glenwood, it's true that none of this is proven. However, a) it's fucking hilarious, and b) the plaintiff either has tapes of O'Reilly talking dirty, or she's one of the great dialogue writers of all time, and should quit her job and make millions writing screenplays.

I mean, really. Who could possible have made up that stuff about the "felafel"? It's comedy gold, I tells ya. Comedy gold.

And even if she was pulling a Linda Tripp by just letting O'Reilly dig his own grave on audiotape, it still doesn't make what he did okay. Or anything except hideously, hideously embarrassing.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:22 AM on October 14, 2004

anybody up for some falafellatio?
posted by matteo at 10:23 AM on October 14, 2004

Pat Sajak
posted by amberglow at 10:24 AM on October 14, 2004

Also, skallas, I didn't interpret the business about how "Roger Ailes would make a phone call and Al Franken would get a knock on his door" as insinuating that the gummint would crack down, but rather that Roger would call his "wet work" guys and Mrs. Franken would sleep a widow that night (I actually think that Al Franken's wife has her own last name, but I don't know it).
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:25 AM on October 14, 2004

Not taking sides, but let's not get all excited.

Falafel sir?


Al Franken said that it's sad for O'Reilly's wife, going to take the high road so no more comment and you don't need to e-mail him about this as has heard about it already.

Fair enough. But a shame too ;-)
posted by i_cola at 10:29 AM on October 14, 2004

Why, oh why, did I read that right before lunch?
posted by SisterHavana at 10:32 AM on October 14, 2004

I suspect that he doesn't really understand that a loofa is an exfoliant, not a sponge. It's abrasive. This may be exciting for some, but it just appears to me at least to be... well, icky.

I'm enjoying all this rather more than I should. Time to shut up, Mr. O'Reilly.
posted by jokeefe at 11:08 AM on October 14, 2004

I bet O'Reilly's had a dildo made of his own pecker so he could quite literally have sex with himself.

I hope he likes prison food and being someone's bitch for a few years. There's no way these charges would have been brought if they weren't pretty damned concrete.
posted by fenriq at 11:09 AM on October 14, 2004

Mmm. What, no taboule? No hummus or pita?
posted by loquacious at 11:20 AM on October 14, 2004

Both sides filed lawsuits Wednesday, with the woman, Andrea Mackris, saying the commentator had phone sex with her against her wishes three times.

How does one have phone sex against their wishes? Why not just hang up?

Oh, I know why you wouldn't hang up. So you could let the tape recorder run.
posted by a3matrix at 11:26 AM on October 14, 2004

Well, of course. Entrapping people on tape is one of the (new) great American traditions. Hey, I think it's skanky, but it still wouldn't make what O'Reilly did--if, indeed, he is shown in court to have done it--legal.

Fenriq, nobody goes to jail for sexual harassment. Rein yourself in a bit, cowboy.

However, your post reminded me of one of my proudest moments as a journalist--asking Jeff Stryker if he had ever tried out the "Jeff Stryker" on himself, and what that felt like if he had.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:59 AM on October 14, 2004

Sidhedevil, come on! Can't they make an exception for him? He's such an arrogant wanker, he needs a very, very long timeout! Please?
posted by fenriq at 12:06 PM on October 14, 2004

Also, I kind of hate the "where there's smoke, there's fire" argument that if someone is bringing a lawsuit they must really have been injured. People bring delusional and/or frivolous lawsuits all the time.

If anyone wants a moment of sheer, pants-pissing hilarity, check out this Motion to Dismiss a lawsuit some crazy Usenet kook brought against Google for TEN BILLION DOLLARS!!1!!!

Having said that, the level of detail in the reports of the conversations doesn't look good for Mr. O'Reilly.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:06 PM on October 14, 2004

Oh, I know why you wouldn't hang up. So you could let the tape recorder run.

Well of course I raped her. Did you see the way she was dressed?!
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:14 PM on October 14, 2004

amberglow: makes them all seem more like a bunch of freaks today, no?

Yes.
posted by NewBornHippy at 1:41 PM on October 14, 2004

Oh, I know why you wouldn't hang up. So you could let the tape recorder run.

I know why you wouldn't hang up. Because you're shocked and scared, and he's your fucking boss.

Do you not grok the idea of sexual harrassment? It's abuse of power.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:41 PM on October 14, 2004

No, I actually think it was so she could let the tape recorder run.

However, sexual harassment of an opportunistic employee is still sexual harassment.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:48 PM on October 14, 2004

o'reilly was on Regis & Kelly this morning and didnt once deny the allegations

he only seemed peeved that she was asking for $60 mil to settle.

"Not even the 9/11 victims families got that much," he said, not realizing that what he was doing was admitting to being a cheap sexual harrasser.
posted by tsarfan at 1:50 PM on October 14, 2004

jim gilliam, the co-producer of Outfoxed, the doc that bashed fnc and o'reilly for its ways, has a blog in which he just posted video and a transcript of a segment of The Factor when he discussed sexual harrassment.

ironically he began the discussion by calling men "barbarians."
posted by tsarfan at 1:57 PM on October 14, 2004

Oh my. Christmas came early this year.

Bill O'Reilly has described himself as a "traditionalist." And what could be more traditional than a man using a vibrator on himself while making sexual advances to an employee over the phone? Err...
posted by Ty Webb at 2:10 PM on October 14, 2004

Your honor my client pleads: Alpha Male!

Isnt that O'Reily's big thing? He's a big man. So manly. Manly enough to harass some greek girl while playing with himself. Manly enough to tell Franken that the executive branch will be gunning for him for years. Manly enough to shout down the kid of a 9/11 victim. Manly enough to have Bush on his show and lob manly softballs at him.
posted by skallas at 2:17 PM on October 14, 2004

he probably has a very small penis
posted by mr.marx at 2:56 PM on October 14, 2004

I can't believe he's not even denying it (which would be ridiculous but expected). Aren't all his public statements about this now going to be part of the court cases? Isn't his lawyer telling him to shut up?
posted by amberglow at 3:12 PM on October 14, 2004

I would like to point out that I'm not the only one who thought of falaphilia.

matteo-I like your take on it. And it makes more sense now that I think about it. In the transcript, O'Reilly talked about putting a felafel into her naughty bits. I think he meant her pita.

And I'm going to stop thinking about this now.
posted by RakDaddy at 3:17 PM on October 14, 2004

How does one have phone sex against their wishes? Why not just hang up?
Oh, I know why you wouldn't hang up. So you could let the tape recorder run.

As long as we are imagining scenarios here, let me spin this one. Her boss came onto her hot and heavy and would not take "no" for an answer. It scared her because she liked her job, but the man repulsed her sexually. She met with a lawyer to see if she had grounds for a sexual harrassment suit and s/he advised her to find witnesses and get O'Reilly on tape.

$60 million is a lot, but remember she will probably never work in her profession again.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:31 PM on October 14, 2004

Secret Life - I doubt that. If I worked in media, I'd give her a production job in an instant. Fox isn't exactly PBS, and O'Reilly isn't exactly Mr Rogers.
posted by Peter H at 3:54 PM on October 14, 2004

That was in response to her likely not getting a job again. Shit, didn't even Monica get a Showtime special?
posted by Peter H at 3:57 PM on October 14, 2004

Secret Life of Gravy, she won't have to work in the profession again, she's a celebrity now! She gets to do the talk shows circuit and write a book about her ordeal and make millions because people just want to learn more about the kind of crazed freak O'Reilly really is.

Besdies, if my boss called me and started talking dirty, I'd be too damned stunned to do anything (except press record on the tape deck I have connected to my phone at all times just in the event of something like this happening).
posted by fenriq at 3:59 PM on October 14, 2004

It should be noted that the "falafel" business and heavy phone-sex nonsense began after she returned to FOX News. O'Reilly was allegedly a creep beforehand and rather graphic about his sexual proclivities, but he didn't start directly harassing her until she returned.

Someone must create the Bill O'Reilly Seduction School tape.
posted by solistrato at 4:15 PM on October 14, 2004

In the interests of fairness to Ms. Mackris, I should say that any journalist worth his or her salt needs to be prepared to tape phone calls at all times (you'd be surprised how often those elusive interview subjects call you up while you're chopping onions or clipping the cat's claws or whatever).

I still think that she's cynical and opportunistic. But, you know, that's not illegal.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:27 PM on October 14, 2004

Well, reading those transcripts certainly made me falafel.
posted by MrBadExample at 5:07 PM on October 14, 2004

You, sir, are worse than Hitler.
posted by lodurr at 6:28 PM on October 14, 2004

falafel thing (SFW)
posted by eddydamascene at 8:15 PM on October 14, 2004

Just for the record.... Excuse me a moment.

eddydamascene? WTF was that?

Ok. I'm back. What I wanted to say was, just for the record, I note that the Customer Reviews section of Amazon's page for O'Reilly's book for kids (eww) has joined in on this discussion.

I went by there on-line just now after wandering through a real-world bookstore on my lunch hour and seeing The O'Reilly Factor for Kids : A Survival Guide for America's Families in the hardbacks (sorry) section.
posted by mmahaffie at 10:16 AM on October 15, 2004

says the RudePundit:

"So, please, please, God, Allah, Buddha, who the fuckever or no one, let it be true. 'Cause if it's true, then the right will have O'Reilly, vibrator-using falafel fucker, and Rush Limbaugh, batshit insane hillbilly heroin addict.
All we need then is to find the bodies of molested children buried in Sean Hannity's backyard, and we'll have hit the trifecta."
posted by matteo at 12:16 PM on October 15, 2004

We already hit the trifecta: Bill Bennett, inveterate gambler, Rush, and now O'Reilly.
posted by Ty Webb at 2:17 PM on October 15, 2004

Ha ha.

"The pride of thy heart hath deceived thee, thou that dwellest in the clefts of the rock, whose habitation is high; -- he that saith in his heart, Who shall bring me down to the ground?

Though thou exalt thyself as the eagle, and though thou set thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, saith Jehovah. " [ Obediah 1:3,4 ]
posted by troutfishing at 7:46 AM on October 16, 2004

Followup: Out of court settlement.
posted by lodurr at 5:30 AM on November 2, 2004