Virtual Bartender

November 12, 2004 11:22 AM

Virtual Bartender. A sexed-up version of subservient chicken. Despite the name, lousy at mixing drinks.
posted by Ljubljana (48 comments total)

I was playing around with this the other day. She has no idea what a martini is but she does do wonderful things with a banana. It's a trade off, I guess.

Ask her if she likes Star Wars. Then ask her for a hummer.
posted by bondcliff at 11:29 AM on November 12, 2004

Who cares if she can make a good drink, she jiggles when you tell her too, she does jumping jacks when you tell her too and if that damned bouncer would get out of the way, she'd perform a wicked striptease.

Waaay better than the subservient chicken. She's gorgeous!
posted by fenriq at 11:35 AM on November 12, 2004

Subservient Woman: The Other White Meat
posted by Pretty_Generic at 11:38 AM on November 12, 2004

Try "show me your ass". That's progress.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 11:41 AM on November 12, 2004

"Kiss a girl" works, much to my delight.
posted by bondcliff at 11:42 AM on November 12, 2004

I feel like I'm the only idiot trying to order drinks.
posted by Doug at 11:44 AM on November 12, 2004

I saw this today when I got to work, and I have to admit, I was actually a little embarrassed watching some of these clips (in particular, "banana" and "kiss"). I had to tilt my laptop screen way down to make sure absolutely no one else could see. Yikes.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:46 AM on November 12, 2004

Hey, she drank my beer!
posted by Nelson at 11:48 AM on November 12, 2004

She does math.
posted by Doug at 11:50 AM on November 12, 2004

I hate that fucking bouncer.
posted by Hildago at 11:56 AM on November 12, 2004

"handstand"
"change"
posted by Pretty_Generic at 11:57 AM on November 12, 2004

P_G, that was my first command! And, oh yeah! I could get that Tivo'ed for the instant replay! Such a fine booty!
posted by fenriq at 11:57 AM on November 12, 2004

I tried to get her to fix some drinks, she kept giving me stupid shrugs. Then I asked her if she liked the new U2 CD, she shrugged and I closed the page. Useless woman.
posted by bargle at 11:58 AM on November 12, 2004

"write"
posted by Pretty_Generic at 11:59 AM on November 12, 2004

"magic"
"number"
posted by mfbridges at 12:01 PM on November 12, 2004

Splits!
Gymnastics!
posted by Pretty_Generic at 12:07 PM on November 12, 2004

bargle, would you have preferred if she said "U2 is such a wussy little poser band that hasn't done anything new or innovative in fifteen years"?

I think she was being polite, you know, when you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing and smile?
posted by fenriq at 12:07 PM on November 12, 2004

cans
posted by Cool Alex at 12:10 PM on November 12, 2004

tap
twirl
suck
posted by Pretty_Generic at 12:11 PM on November 12, 2004

there is a thread about this on another board i am reading. i am not trying these to see if they work, so if they do not, don't complain to me bitches.

dance
lick
push
rub
shake
splits
stretch
throw
twirl

fen, i'd think she was stupid either way so it would not have made any difference.
posted by bargle at 12:12 PM on November 12, 2004

Apparently she doesn't like "Evolve" as a command.

Ugh.
posted by dobbs at 12:14 PM on November 12, 2004

since this is not an exemplar of an uncanny valley, I suppose she's a canny valley. {omg, I cannot believe I just wrote that!}
posted by limitedpie at 12:15 PM on November 12, 2004

top
posted by bk at 12:18 PM on November 12, 2004

Where there's top, there's bottom. Why's this so compelling? I'm not into big boobed blonde babes.
posted by Nelson at 12:24 PM on November 12, 2004

There's a whole bunch of suggested actions over here.

Am I wrong to like the chicken better?

Call me back when they put something in for "growl at blender".
posted by majcher at 12:27 PM on November 12, 2004

Ha, best one yet: "be nasty"
posted by Stauf at 12:30 PM on November 12, 2004

"orgasm" and "I love you" do the same thing.

Things are so much clearer now.
posted by bondcliff at 12:35 PM on November 12, 2004

Someone tell mathowie: if you say "think" she puts on glasses.
posted by kenko at 12:43 PM on November 12, 2004

"Show me your tits" works.

Of course, that always works.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:48 PM on November 12, 2004

Here they all are: http://www.virtualbartender.beer.com/TammyClips.xml.

From milkandcookies, linked above.
posted by ewagoner at 12:49 PM on November 12, 2004

"Fight" has an interesting result.
posted by terrapin at 12:50 PM on November 12, 2004

Nelson, so you're into small chested brunette dogs?
posted by fenriq at 12:52 PM on November 12, 2004

ok. typing "beer.com" is my favourite :)
posted by terrapin at 12:53 PM on November 12, 2004

The poor girl can't sit down.
posted by davehat at 12:56 PM on November 12, 2004

"Feminism" causes her to shrug and look confused.
posted by falconred at 12:59 PM on November 12, 2004

or "sucker"

Ok, I need to go home now.
posted by terrapin at 1:02 PM on November 12, 2004

looking at the XML url above reveals "riverdance", "rap", and "become a man". But now I feel like I've cheated.
posted by Nelson at 1:14 PM on November 12, 2004

i'm still waiting for my guinness ...
posted by pyramid termite at 1:39 PM on November 12, 2004

It's interesting how much more compelling simple interactivity is when there are breasts involved.
posted by ook at 1:43 PM on November 12, 2004

This has consumed just about my entire afternoon.
posted by adampsyche at 1:44 PM on November 12, 2004

"kick me"
posted by PrinceValium at 2:15 PM on November 12, 2004

lol. "jedi fight"

the only one with sound thus far!
posted by mrplab at 2:15 PM on November 12, 2004

Pillow fight!
posted by LimePi at 2:38 PM on November 12, 2004

Here's one for the girls: "knee".
posted by taz at 3:10 PM on November 12, 2004

For you milk fans:

"pints"
posted by ?! at 4:42 PM on November 12, 2004

she does a better "Bitch on wheels" than the clueless bartenders in my hood.
posted by dabitch at 6:05 PM on November 12, 2004

"dog"

Freakin hilarious if you get what she's doing.
posted by Whistlepig at 7:09 PM on November 12, 2004

Well, more like sun salutations.
posted by euphorb at 8:07 PM on November 12, 2004