Marry Theresa

November 25, 2004 6:14 PM

Husband Wanted. Girl looking for husband in Nashville, TN, puts picture on billboard. "I just want one man driving by this billboard who wants to marry me." Is this a Red state thing?
posted by metaforth (59 comments total)

her heart and prayers are with the victims of the attacks on 09-11-01. her kidney is in the john, and her liver ran down to the liquor store.
posted by quonsar at 6:20 PM on November 25, 2004

Too bad this guy is taken already...
posted by wfrgms at 6:21 PM on November 25, 2004

Damaged goods.
posted by Blue Buddha at 6:25 PM on November 25, 2004

Is this a Red state thing?

Yes. She did this because she lives in a conservative state.
posted by 4easypayments at 6:26 PM on November 25, 2004

I myself am not a fan of sports, but I would like to say that I am a true fan of lounging around with someone I care about while HE watches guys pat each other on the backside.

Oh boy, that sounds too good to be true.
posted by sour cream at 6:27 PM on November 25, 2004

The seemingly off-topic stuff on 9/11 creeps me out, especially surrounded by floating pink hearts.

And the website sucks. Definitely a no on this one, boys.
posted by Kleptophoria! at 6:30 PM on November 25, 2004

Wanted: loving, caring nerd with xhtml/php expertise to help fix crappy singles site.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:35 PM on November 25, 2004

Yipes. Gotta give her some credit- it takes balls to post your pic like that.

Balls, I say.
posted by id at 6:39 PM on November 25, 2004

---------News Flash------------

She's *ahem* got a bun in the oven. Yes, her plan about finding the perfect man, getting married, settling down and then starting a family is a little altered:

My original goal has not yet changed. I still hope someday to find a wonderful man who will be my husband so I can have the opportunity to be a wife and mother. What has changed is the order in which my dreams will come true.

My new job and/or career change for lack of a better term is MOTHERHOOD

posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:43 PM on November 25, 2004

P.S. this is the way God wants it!

I feel sadness that the storybook romance (plan A) I've dreamed of won't happen as I originally planned, but I feel blessed with God's plan to divert me to Plan B.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:46 PM on November 25, 2004

It's better than Save Karyn, but not the best way to meet people that aren't psycho, i don't think. She'd have been better off getting her friends to try to fix her up--most people love to do that anyway, i find.

Having a baby first is not going to help--she couldn't wait?
posted by amberglow at 6:47 PM on November 25, 2004

"Marriage is a natural thing.
And I am a natural man.

Won't you please call this number?

844-WIFE.
That's 844 W-I-F-E.

Serious inquiries only."
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 6:49 PM on November 25, 2004

But, really, I hope it turns out well for her. She's obviously vested quite a bit of herself in this effort.

Lunacy, maybe ... who am I to say. But you can't fault a gal for trying.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 6:55 PM on November 25, 2004

that baby page was last updated in 2003--i wonder what happened?
posted by amberglow at 6:55 PM on November 25, 2004

Ah, living in a red state... I live in one myself, and I see many more single moms, 16-child families, and (perplexingly, and completely off-topic) interracial couples than I ever saw in my blue state years.

Anyway, I can't get to the site, but I hope she finds her man. That said, it won't be me.

On preview: maybe someone ate the baby?
posted by socratic at 7:16 PM on November 25, 2004

I feel sadness that the storybook romance (plan A) I've dreamed of won't happen as I originally planned, but I feel blessed with God's plan to divert me to Plan B.

Are you sure it wasn't a placebo God diverted you to?
posted by Kleptophoria! at 7:18 PM on November 25, 2004

amberglow - There are recent pictures of Gracie on the new updates page, guess she'd be about 2. She also mentions that MarryTheresa.com is now in its third year.

Socratic - put the fork down.
posted by swell at 7:26 PM on November 25, 2004

What a slut.
posted by orange clock at 7:30 PM on November 25, 2004

that page wouldn't load for me--thanks swell. (maybe we overloaded it?)
posted by amberglow at 7:34 PM on November 25, 2004

orange clock: unnecessary, really.

I think that she's doing a bizarre but admirable job of trying to live her life, and achieve what she wants - which is a fairly modest list. The baby just shows that shes living, here and now, and not moping around waiting for life to happen to her.

odd way to go about it, no doubt about it, and undoubtably gonna attract a fairly large segment of weirdos, but maybe the occasional sane and open minded soul.

Unwittingly paraphrasing Nietzsche is a little unnerving though...: "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. (Or so they say)"
posted by blindsam at 7:45 PM on November 25, 2004

"Someone who stops unexpectedly in mid sentence trying to find screws at Home Depot just to tell me he loves me."

“Excuse me ma’am—wh…
I love you Theresa
where’s yer screw aisle?”

submitted to Espresso Stories
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:46 PM on November 25, 2004

A woman recently did the same thing just down the road from me in Sydney. Can't seem to find how it turned out, but it was big news when the billboard went up.

Randwick is half in a conservative seat and half in a progressive seat, so umm.
posted by Prince Nez at 7:58 PM on November 25, 2004

1. God-fearing Jesus lover? Check!
2. Unwed mother? Check!
3. From the south? Check!
4. On the 9/11, I (heart) firefighters & New York (but not New Yorkers) bandwagon, even though she's in a state almost guaranteed to never see a terrorist attack? Check!
5. Constantly uses movie and pop-culture references to reflect on her personal situation? Check!
6. A friend of fast-food chains? Check!
7. Likes to give plenty of shout-outs to her homies? Check!
8. Likes to placing the wrong INFLECTION on THE wrong words in her writing? CHECK!

Perfection, your name is Theresa.

maybe someone ate the baby?

Maybe it was a dingo.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:59 PM on November 25, 2004

wfrgms, that should be a front page post.
posted by Espoo2 at 8:01 PM on November 25, 2004

So wait, she's had this site and billboard up for a couple of years now? And she's still single and now with a baby?

How can that be?

Nice rundown, C_D!

metaforth, can you explain what politics have to do with this? I don't get it. At all. Unless you're playing the sly insult card that only a moron from a red state who voted for Bush would be stupid enough to put a billboard of themselves looking for love? Which is a pretty weak stream of premises ending up in a pretty lame and unnecessary conclusion.

Besides, there are no red and blue states, just red and blue houses in a great big sea of purple from coast to coast.
posted by fenriq at 8:05 PM on November 25, 2004

I will never tire of comet cursors, nor desperate women selling their vaginas on the internets.
posted by naxosaxur at 8:08 PM on November 25, 2004

Maybe it's viral marketing for Nike and Home Depot...
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:10 PM on November 25, 2004

She should be on a Parkay billboard cause she spreads like butter.
posted by The Perfect Killer at 8:23 PM on November 25, 2004

nothing gets me hotter than the idea of raising another man's child with a woman who thinks a highway billboard is an appropriate tool for meeting a lifelong partner!
posted by clubfoote at 8:24 PM on November 25, 2004

Maybe someone should give this guy a call, see if they can meet each other's needs....

But really, this woman is incredibly mild compared to the very scary (and sadly defunct) Mary Romantic. I wish I had saved the bit in her site about her finding some guy, putting him in a chastity belt, and talking about selling him to some woman who supposedly ran a colony of submissive male sex slaves. Bi-zarre.
posted by ticopelp at 8:34 PM on November 25, 2004

Life imitates Advertising? Is it just my impression or are people getting desperate these days?
posted by homodigitalis at 9:03 PM on November 25, 2004

So wait, she's had this site and billboard up for a couple of years now? And she's still single and now with a baby?

How can that be?

Well, fenriq, you and I can sit down and have a nice chat about how sometimes mommies aren't married to the daddies.

I liked her. She has a sense of humour-- how did she put it? "I kept hearing a voice in my head saying, 'If you build it, they will come.' Build it, billboard, close enough." She seemed to have her feet on the ground, and I wish her well. And I'm glad for her that she went ahead with the baby; and she's hardly a stereotypical 'Southern unwed mother', whatever that might be. She owns a house, she has a good job, she didn't wait around for life to provide for her what she wanted. I know other women who have made the call to the sperm bank when 40 started looming up ahead, and none of them have regretted it.
posted by jokeefe at 9:09 PM on November 25, 2004

you guys can be awfully mean spirited and elitist sometimes.
posted by glenwood at 9:26 PM on November 25, 2004

you guys can be awfully mean spirited and elitist sometimes.

We'll try harder in the future.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:38 PM on November 25, 2004

This is the kind of desperation that I flee from. Scary.
posted by BradNelson at 10:55 PM on November 25, 2004

I was on the interstate between Austin & San Antonio this afternoon and saw a woman with a large sign in her rear window that said "I'm Single". She also had a Bush/Cheney 04 sticker on the bumper.

[side question: when do people take those campaign stickers off? it is like the lance armstrong bracelets and the flags attached to window sills after 9/11. do these people leave their xmas lights up all year too?]
posted by birdherder at 11:22 PM on November 25, 2004

A woman recently did the same thing just down the road from me in Sydney. Can't seem to find how it turned out, but it was big news when the billboard went up.

I remember that! What I liked about the billboard was that it was - intentionally or not - placed next to an ad for a softdrink called Solo.
posted by chronic sublime at 11:37 PM on November 25, 2004

What would Dr Laura say?
posted by i_cola at 3:03 AM on November 26, 2004

"I realize this isn't the most conventional method of finding a husband, but is anything really "conventional" anymore?"

That smacks of moral relativism! SMACKS OF IT I SAY! (There's your Red State connection. ;-)

I think she's had no luck through the billboard becasue of the copy: MarryTheresa.com. It may say "husband wanted" but it leaves you with "I am a nun."
posted by Dick Paris at 3:24 AM on November 26, 2004

Oh, and best of luck Theresa. Really.
posted by Dick Paris at 3:27 AM on November 26, 2004

ticopelp: I'd forgotten Mary Romantic. A dig around the Wayback Machine finds that she's still extant, but (it's good to see) now working on self-help therapy to change the compulsive mindset that was so painfully evident before.
posted by raygirvan at 5:02 AM on November 26, 2004

Sure, advertising yourself on a billboard is kind of weirdly needy, but is it really that much weirder than advertising on dating sites? Sure, we can check off all the uncool signifiers, yay for us. She's living her life, keeping it real as best she can and I hope she gets someone who will appreciate her. She seems sweet and hopeful.
posted by thinkpiece at 5:31 AM on November 26, 2004

"Last year, evil invaded our homeland. It was the first time I think I ever felt a strong vulnerability. I cried as we all did for days and days and asked the same question everyone asked… "Why did this happen to us?""
posted by klue at 6:04 AM on November 26, 2004

Anyone who says "OH MY GOSH!" in GOD-DAMN-FUCKING-CAPITALS deserves all the scorn that can be mustered.
Although I'm glad she seems happy.
And the child raises interesting questions. Before the conception, did she think there was a marriage on the way? Was he a billboard guy? What happened to him?
posted by seanyboy at 6:59 AM on November 26, 2004

"spreads like butter"...

I'm gonna have to remember that one.
posted by password at 7:09 AM on November 26, 2004

well i think she's done pretty well. apart from the weird cultural things - can't say i'd feel very comfortable with someone who thinks it's normal to ask me for money to go shopping, for example - i can imagine most people looking way worse than this if they tried to do the same. she's also pretty straight about the kid - can't have been easy to write that. she's cool.
posted by andrew cooke at 7:31 AM on November 26, 2004

Feh. Can't wait to see the "Divorce Theresa" billboard...
posted by FormlessOne at 8:03 AM on November 26, 2004

, but is it really that much weirder than advertising on dating sites?

Read your question again and try to answer it.

Yes. Yes it is.
posted by jpoulos at 8:25 AM on November 26, 2004

Plus: makes enough money she can afford to rent a billboard.
Minus: rented a billboard.
posted by kirkaracha at 8:36 AM on November 26, 2004

1.) A few years ago, MetaFilter (or Memepool, or whatever) linked to a website where an obviously ill man, an aspiring polygamist who didn't appear to bathe often, was soliciting applicants for his harem. Anyone remember that? Damn funny.

2.) Reading her updates, Theresa's site now seems moot. But as to the idea: Good for her. Instead of sulking in her local bar, she got in the game. That's old school feminism.

3.) That "red state" crack? That bitter, spiteful, disdainful attitude? That's why you lost. FYI.
posted by cribcage at 9:35 AM on November 26, 2004

3.) That "red state" crack? That bitter, spiteful, disdainful attitude? That's why you lost. FYI.

Ya know, I had something spiteful to say to that, until I realized it was true. Fuck all.

As for this lady, I've seen more desperate and stranger. Still crazy as a loon though.
posted by bob sarabia at 10:14 AM on November 26, 2004

So did she marry the guy that knocked her up, or not?

I'd try to read through her site myself, but after about three lines I get this enormous fucking headache and the urge to shoot people from a clock tower.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:17 AM on November 26, 2004

MetaFilter: Shooting people from a clock tower since 1999.
posted by bluedaniel at 11:13 AM on November 26, 2004

(Oh, dear we missed our 3 Year Anniversary! November 7 was Marrytheresa.com's 3rd year)

Uhmmm...
posted by bluedaniel at 11:13 AM on November 26, 2004

Pass... to easy.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 12:30 PM on November 26, 2004

easy takes the pass and scrambles for two yards, but there's a flag on the play - too bad, easy!
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:01 PM on November 26, 2004

I'm glad we're letting her marry and not the homosexuals....
posted by moooshy at 3:43 PM on November 26, 2004

Of course it's not a red state thing. Here in LA there was a billboard up for a while that said (I paraphrase, but not by much): "Rich guy seeks hot wife. Call 310-xxx-xxxx."
posted by lbergstr at 4:52 PM on November 26, 2004

Gracie, pictured this month, looks to me spookily like Tom Hanks answered the call. Just something about those eyes. Good luck to her, I say, why not?
posted by penguin pie at 5:54 PM on November 26, 2004