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God bless the magnetic ribbon industry
December 28, 2004 1:47 PM   Subscribe

My Ribbon is Bigger Than Yours. The magnetic ribbon backlash begins. (See also: AntiMagnet.)
posted by me3dia (77 comments total)

 
Me, I love the "Pre-Cooked Bacon" slogan, but I wish there was a bacon ribbon to put it on.
posted by me3dia at 1:50 PM on December 28, 2004


About time. I hate those fucking stupid ribbons. If I'm ever out late, I'm going to confiscate every last one of those 'tard things and chuck them in the nearest sewer.
posted by Debaser626 at 1:57 PM on December 28, 2004


I keep thinking that in a few years, we're going to be seeing a lot of used cars with "phantom ribbons" burned into the fender due to paint fading everywhere but under the ribbon.
posted by RalphSlate at 1:59 PM on December 28, 2004


I keep thinking that in a few years, we're going to be seeing a lot of used cars with "phantom ribbons" burned into the fender due to paint fading everywhere but under the ribbon.

Mind if I steal this metaphor?
posted by rafter at 2:08 PM on December 28, 2004


I'd like one in jet black with the "I Hate Ribbons" slogan, but yeah, also what RalphSlate said.
posted by krix at 2:10 PM on December 28, 2004


Too bad one can't "view" a customized ribbon. Lame.
posted by Witty at 2:19 PM on December 28, 2004


About time. I hate those fucking stupid ribbons. If I'm ever out late, I'm going to confiscate every last one of those 'tard things and chuck them in the nearest sewer.

I hope I catch you doing this. It would be worth you doing this, just so I could catch you doing this.
posted by keswick at 2:23 PM on December 28, 2004


Watch out, Debaser626--keswick knows judo.
posted by MrMoonPie at 2:25 PM on December 28, 2004


I hope I catch you doing this. It would be worth you doing this, just so I could catch you doing this.

What are you going to do?
posted by greasy_skillet at 2:25 PM on December 28, 2004


"...these magnetic ribbons are the must-have item of the season for the automotive world. Problem is, they could leave behind an unwanted memory should you ever decide to take them off. If you leave the magnet in one place, moisture can get trapped behind it and damage the vehicle's finish, body shop workers warn. And when it gets hot again, the magnets can actually get baked into the car. How silly will your car feel when this trend has passed and you can't peel the magnet off? People with darker colored vehicles should be more careful. The magnets can damage them more quickly"
posted by ericb at 2:25 PM on December 28, 2004


I wonder how exactly putting a magnetic ribbon on your car helps the troops. "we're getting shot at and blown up for nothin', but thanks for the ribbon!"
posted by mcsweetie at 2:25 PM on December 28, 2004


MetaFilter: I hope I catch you doing this. It would be worth you doing this, just so I could catch you doing this.
posted by ba at 2:27 PM on December 28, 2004


I recently read an article (can't remember where - and I continue to Google it) that profiled a law firm which is seeking to get a class-action lawsuit certified against manufacturers of ribbon magnets for the damage their products cause to vehicles. Ambulance-chasing at its best!
posted by ericb at 2:28 PM on December 28, 2004


Pretending to be anti-capitalist and making money while doing so. Bah.

And yes - how exactly does putting a ribbon on your car help anyone at all?
posted by agregoli at 2:30 PM on December 28, 2004


A serviceman home from Iraq spoke up at Brown early this month and said (a close paraphrase): "[...] and there's nothing that hurts more than seeing those fucking little yellow magnetic ribbons on everyone's car."

And yes - how exactly does putting a ribbon on your car help anyone at all?

It doesn't, except that the profits from purchasing the ribbon often goes to benefit the troops. I say "often" because (as noted above) there are enough knock-offs that this isn't always/usually the case. (On a somewhat related note: I made a rare stop into a local dollar store this holiday season and was shocked to find an entire three foot wide section of aislespace devoted to knock-off "Live Strong" bracelets. Really, opportunism at it's finest.)
posted by rafter at 2:36 PM on December 28, 2004


It would be worth you doing this, just so I could catch you doing this.

Would you get all like supporting the troops on his ass?
posted by Armitage Shanks at 2:41 PM on December 28, 2004


It causes simpleminded people's heads to explode when they see the "Support Our Troops" under my W-with-a-circle/slash-through-it sticker. "Gosh, he hates George Bush but he sympathizes with our poor, mistreated troops. How can that be?" *boom*

On preview: All of the $5 I spent on my magnetic ribbon went to the troops. A local parents/partner group was selling 'em, and I know one of the parents personally and trust him implicitly.

"[...] and there's nothing that hurts more than seeing those fucking little yellow magnetic ribbons on everyone's car."

And I'm sure he speaks for all the troops. Maybe he said, "gas-guzzling SUV," because that makes me see red too.
posted by keswick at 2:42 PM on December 28, 2004


Do they ship overseas? I'd love a Rainbow design 'EQUALITY' ribbon.
posted by dash_slot- at 2:54 PM on December 28, 2004


As long as people stop putting them on sideways, I don't care. I can't explain why this infuriates me, but it does.
posted by JoanArkham at 2:54 PM on December 28, 2004


I always thought people put them on sideways so that they'd look a little like a Jesus-fish. Infuriates me, too.
posted by interrobang at 2:58 PM on December 28, 2004


When the ribbon gets slapped on the back of a car sideways, it doubles as a Jesus fish! Plus, who is smart enough to be able to read things vertically? I mean, honestly...
posted by sdrawkcab at 2:58 PM on December 28, 2004


I want a magnet like these but in the shape of a jockstrap that says "SUPPORT OUR ATHLETES".
posted by bradlands at 3:10 PM on December 28, 2004


Oh man, the LIVESTRONG knockoffs that "support the troops" are really lame. // And on an ironic tangent: LiveStrong yellow matches 'do not resuscitate' bands in some hospitals
posted by fourstar at 3:35 PM on December 28, 2004


"Support Our Pissing Calvins"
posted by everichon at 3:35 PM on December 28, 2004


Sometimes I feel like I live in a different country.
posted by Keyser Soze at 3:43 PM on December 28, 2004


I want a color-changing ribbon, because I support everything!
posted by Zonker at 3:45 PM on December 28, 2004


These ribbons are incredibly stupid. They prove no point because the slogan itself means nothing. Think about it--what exactly does "Support Our Troops" actually mean? And those stupid "United We Stand" posters--what does that mean? United we stand against the war? United we stand for GW? WTF?

I live in a country I don't understand.
posted by leftcoastbob at 3:53 PM on December 28, 2004


I can't wait to buy a ribbon that shows how much I hate ribbons.

The Limbaugh and Hannity stations are littered with advertisements for improving one's vocabulary and purchasing coins minted from gold found under the WTC...tune into AirAmerica, at least here in NY, and you'll hear advertisements for crap like this. Show how witty and urbane you are AND stick it to the man with this "Buck Fush" t-shirt!

Same crap, different t-shirt?
posted by unsupervised at 3:56 PM on December 28, 2004


Neat, but the interface is lame with a smaller-case 'l'.
posted by The God Complex at 3:58 PM on December 28, 2004


I work at a carwash and frequently spray off the ribbons w/out returning them to their owner. Some I let go, but the 'One nation under god' ones never get spared.
posted by brevator at 4:14 PM on December 28, 2004


brevator - Did you pay for it? Was it your money that bought the ribbon? I think not, therefore why are you messing with what is theirs? Do you not have any sense of decency?
posted by spidre at 4:19 PM on December 28, 2004


Heh, he works at a carwash.
posted by keswick at 4:24 PM on December 28, 2004


spidre: Explain to me what a sense of decency is good for and your indignation shall stand unchallenged. Because I tend to think that such remonstrations are completely meaningless and decency is a thing of the utmost relativity.
posted by baphomet at 4:32 PM on December 28, 2004


baphomet - I did not ask what you think, nor do I care to argue with you about your babble on what you believe is relative.
posted by spidre at 4:38 PM on December 28, 2004


Thanks for showing us! I happily plopped down $8.00 for my medium "God bless the magnetic ribbon industry."

I imagine I will affix it to the inside of my rear windshield to prevent theft.
posted by sourwookie at 4:46 PM on December 28, 2004


These ribbons are okay in my book. I appreciate where they come from, what they mean, and appreciate the individual that displays them.

It is mainstream. That is the purpose. Get over it.
posted by sled at 4:47 PM on December 28, 2004


'demand open source voting' is a good one
posted by gren at 4:47 PM on December 28, 2004


I could give two shits about the ribbons, the thing that's funny, is just how goddamned ugly they are. They look terrible no matter what color your car is. Complete shit.
posted by jefbla at 4:57 PM on December 28, 2004


Listen, we are not responsible lost or damaged trinkets. If they don't take off the ribbon or ask me to, it's fair game. And yeah I work at a fucking carwash. I see my boss a couple times a week, and either make tons of money in tips or sit around listening to music and reading. I work 20 - 25 hours a week, pay all my bills and have plenty of time for my real life.
posted by brevator at 5:01 PM on December 28, 2004



spidre: Explain to me what a sense of decency is good for and your indignation shall stand unchallenged. Because I tend to think that such remonstrations are completely meaningless and decency is a thing of the utmost relativity.


Oh crap, he's a philosophy major. That's why he's working at the carwash.
posted by keswick at 5:02 PM on December 28, 2004


um, spidre wrote that, not me. man keswick, i don't think you'd make it in the rough and tumble car wash industry. not too quick on the uptake, eh?
posted by brevator at 5:05 PM on December 28, 2004


actually, neither brevator nor spidre wrote that. it was baphomet.
posted by mr_roboto at 5:09 PM on December 28, 2004


you are correct sir.
posted by brevator at 5:10 PM on December 28, 2004


You laugh now, but wait 'til you're driving through Lodi, NJ, and you get pulled over for not having enough ribbons. I saw this one Mercury station wagon pulled over right outside Teterboro Airport with THREE cop cars surrounding it. It only had two ribbons.

'Round here, folks take their ribbons seriously. Minivans and SUVs come from the factory with a minimum of two ribbons welded on. At least it beats the way people were desecrating the flag by dragging them at high speed until they were torn to shreds.
posted by Eideteker at 5:10 PM on December 28, 2004


man, i hope i'm responsible for someone getting pulled over someday.
posted by brevator at 5:13 PM on December 28, 2004


excuse me, i'm browsing this thread while pretending to work. mainly just to flame the jackasses like bloviator brevator.
posted by keswick at 5:14 PM on December 28, 2004


mainly just to flame the jackasses like bloviator brevator.

You're doing an inadequate job of it. Perhaps you should look into that.
posted by The God Complex at 5:20 PM on December 28, 2004


hey keswick, what's this doing in yer profile?: "No matter that patriotism is too often the refuge of scoundrels. Dissent, rebellion, and all-around hell-raising remain the true duty of patriots." --Barbara Ehrenreich
seems like my actions fit very nicely into the 'all-around hell-raising' catergory.
posted by brevator at 5:21 PM on December 28, 2004


i always chuckle (yeah, right, chuckle) when i see one of those ribbons RIGHT over the gas-tank of a vehical--esp on an suv.

but then, ive never been much of a sticker person...

during the presidential selection disdain, i did display my drowning pitbull poster--"my mind's made up. dont confuse me with the facts."

(i'd have attached a photo but dont know how. anyone wanna share the html?)
posted by oigocosas at 5:29 PM on December 28, 2004


My dad lives in rural Ohio, and he says his "LOVE AMERICA/HATE BUSH" poster in his car draws funny looks (and presumably, exploding heads), on a daily basis.
posted by Vidiot at 5:41 PM on December 28, 2004


you know, you could take the magnetic poetry gifts that were all the rage a while ago and really upset a few people by detourning them on the back of their cars... just a thought. continue.
posted by grimley at 5:43 PM on December 28, 2004


I have eight of these babies on my car, and I'm going to get more of them. I think I might try to cover my entire car.

Of course, I stole them off of other people's cars. Does that make me a bad person?
posted by howa2396 at 5:43 PM on December 28, 2004


What is it with you Americans and putting crap all over your cars? No-one else in the world does that, seriously. Weirdoes.
posted by reklaw at 5:44 PM on December 28, 2004


hey, howa, i think i might be able to help you achieve yer goal.
posted by brevator at 5:45 PM on December 28, 2004


Brevator, it's a little off topic, but does the boss mind sometimes if you act a fool?
posted by MrBadExample at 5:49 PM on December 28, 2004


What is it with you Americans and putting crap all over your cars? No-one else in the world does that, seriously. Weirdoes.

We support our troops, asshole.
posted by greasy_skillet at 5:50 PM on December 28, 2004


I saw someone the other day cruising around with a yellow ribbon, a black ribbon (POW/MIA related, I think), a red white and blue ribbon (without text), a vietnam-vet ribbon, a red white and blue ribbon with "god bless america" on it and a grey ribbon that had something involving jesus on it. He arranged them in a neat row along the back of his car.
posted by cmonkey at 5:54 PM on December 28, 2004


well, mrbe, as i said, i only see him a couple times a week, but the last time i saw him he did a big Rosco P. Coltran "yeeeeeehaw.'' yeah, he's a dork and a hick, but he's actually supercool. and for the record (and lest you think i missed the reference), the summer is the easiest time @ the car wash. winter is ridiculous. salt eats cars.
posted by brevator at 5:56 PM on December 28, 2004


I've got this on my car:



A very sincere black woman co-worker of mine wanted to have a serious discussion of my fish which she thought was "blasphemous." C'mon...

Since I work on a military installation, I see quite a few ribbons, including the confusing camo ones. Are they supposed to blend in? They seem to mostly be found on refrigerator white SUVs.
posted by fixedgear at 6:06 PM on December 28, 2004


greasy_skillet wins.
posted by quonsar at 6:08 PM on December 28, 2004


shameless self-link to some stickers I made after seeing all these black "W - The president" bumper stickers around town.
posted by odinsdream at 6:25 PM on December 28, 2004


I routinely pull these things off of cars in my schools parking lot. I also pull off jesus fishes. I bet if I replaced the jesus fishes with darwin ones, the owner would never notice. hmm. that gives me an idea.
posted by puke & cry at 6:28 PM on December 28, 2004


"Support Our Droops"
posted by TimeFactor at 6:39 PM on December 28, 2004


Armitage Shanks wins.
posted by gwint at 6:53 PM on December 28, 2004


"God Hates War"
posted by eatitlive at 6:57 PM on December 28, 2004


I could've sworn I saw a snopes page about the magnets fading/corroding the paint issue, but now I can't find it.

I for one welcome our magnetic ribbon overlords. Put that on a sticker, I say.
posted by codger at 7:17 PM on December 28, 2004


my favorite anti-ribbon ribbon
posted by katieinshoes at 7:44 PM on December 28, 2004


A friend of mine went to a local mall and came home with like, close to thirty pounds of these. (not the linked ones- the original, cheesy ones.) They just walked from the mall entrance to their car, and took them off of surrounding cars. They COVERED their car with them.

I'm not saying it was right, but it sure was funny.
posted by exlotuseater at 8:18 PM on December 28, 2004


How exactly does putting a ribbon on your car help anyone at all?

Well, it consumes a crapload of petroleum products in its manufacturing...
posted by five fresh fish at 8:40 PM on December 28, 2004


And when it gets hot again, the magnets can actually get baked into the car.

This has never happened and will never happen. Jesus, reporters are fucking stupid.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 8:44 PM on December 28, 2004



Well, it consumes a crapload of petroleum products in its manufacturing...


But, I was told that this was one of my responisibilities as an American....
posted by interrobang at 8:45 PM on December 28, 2004


"Support meaningless gestures requiring a minimum of actual involvement"

Darn, too long.
posted by MegoSteve at 10:13 PM on December 28, 2004


"I Support Our Victims"
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:34 PM on December 28, 2004


Slightly dated, but it still resonates with me:

"America. FUCK YEAH!"
posted by wfrgms at 12:05 AM on December 29, 2004


Damn... missed a perfectly good opportunity to have a flame war with keswick. Oh well.

keswick: I also wish you were around to catch me as I pull the dumbass stickers off of cars. Believe me, it'd be a blast. Well, for me anyway....
posted by Debaser626 at 8:01 AM on December 29, 2004


Heh. Ineffectual war bonds that auto-advertise with peer pressure. Private sector, and as noted above, require tons of petroleum to craft. It's like a perfect storm of elements that US Liberals hate!

No, wait... I think we can do better. Each one needs to be formed from the carcass of a single baby seal, sold only at Wal-Mart, and possession grants you a free Supersize at any drive-thru (powered by RFID tags of course).

But I can't decide: with the RFID tags, they could form the backbone of a new CivilianSecurity Federal people-tracking program. But would it be better for them to only retain magnetic power for a week, thus sparking an unending cycle of consumerism while carpeting the nation's roads with the discarded sigils of patriotism?

Decisions, decisions.
posted by catachresoid at 8:09 PM on December 29, 2004


This week's Lynda Barry strip had some great ribbons. As an American expat I learned of the phenomenon there first, and only later found the original on cars.
posted by grouse at 9:08 AM on January 9, 2005


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