Great gift for the kids!

January 5, 2005 2:05 PM

Teddyport"Its discreet, its funky and now none of your friends will ever know you have a problem." Well, as long as they aren't observant enough to notice that you're ripping the head off of a stuffed bear and trying to drink from its neck...
posted by miss lynnster (22 comments total)

This explains why there was a reeking wino pushing a shopping cart full of encrusted, filthy teddy bears down my street this morning. I just thought he was a furry on the skids.
posted by loquacious at 2:21 PM on January 5, 2005

WTFFilter? I thought this was a joke, but they do actually seem to be for sale. Ick.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:22 PM on January 5, 2005

This is one of the most pathetic ideas I've seen in a while. But I do like how the bears' heads pop out as though from under covers on the left side. Cute. Sick. Cutesick.
posted by soyjoy at 2:28 PM on January 5, 2005

Pathetic? WTFFilter? Are you guys nuts?! This is awesome on so many levels.

the choice of the secretive drinker

!!!@#$!

(just because it's actually for sale doesn't mean it's serious).
posted by The God Complex at 2:50 PM on January 5, 2005

And for secretive heroin users, they'll soon be introducing the Furry With The Syringe On Top.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:51 PM on January 5, 2005

mr_crash_davis wins!
posted by pmbuko at 3:01 PM on January 5, 2005

What kind of person would want to drink in secret and would look normal carrying around a teddy bear?

1) President of a teddy bear factory

2) Department store santa/elf

3) ....
posted by painquale at 3:02 PM on January 5, 2005

Three cheers for the current leader in the "Best Pun of 2005" competition... Mr. Crash Davis...!
posted by twsf at 3:04 PM on January 5, 2005

This is pretty damn ridiculous.

Now, if they make a teddy bear into a bong, I'm all over it!
posted by fenriq at 3:06 PM on January 5, 2005

What kind of person would want to drink in secret and would look normal carrying around a teddy bear?

1) President of a teddy bear factory

2) Department store santa/elf

3) ....

Think of the kids, though--no longer will they be forced, because of ill-placed societal pressures--to drink secretively from a flask in the recesses of the bathroom in the school's long-abandoned "dark learning" wing; instead, all the cool kids can drink from a port-encrusted, matted fur neck right in broad daylight!
posted by The God Complex at 3:11 PM on January 5, 2005

that said, everyone knows the real cool kids get those camel packs that bicyclers use and fill them with vodka and grape juice.
posted by The God Complex at 3:13 PM on January 5, 2005

The squirrel is much more inconspicuous.
posted by undecided at 3:15 PM on January 5, 2005

Ok. EWWW.

But I agree, I'm sure it's much less noticeable to be toting around a dead squirrel...
posted by miss lynnster at 3:24 PM on January 5, 2005

As sketchy as it sounds, this IS a good way to get hard alcohol past security at professional sporting events. The old "flask in the pants" trick works too, but who would ever suspect that Grandma has a fifth of whisky hidden inside that cute teddy bear wearing a Raiders jersey?
posted by thedevildancedlightly at 3:27 PM on January 5, 2005

What kind of person would want to drink in secret and would look normal carrying around a teddy bear?

1) President of a teddy bear factory

2) Department store santa/elf

3) Mormon sorority girls
4) "Pink" Goths (if filled with absinthe)
5) Piglet
posted by FormlessOne at 3:31 PM on January 5, 2005

I got lost on "pink goths" (which, only turns up 24 ghits, must be cutting edge...thanks for bringing us up to speed, FormlessOne!)
posted by HuronBob at 3:39 PM on January 5, 2005

...but they do actually seem to be for sale
Well, there's no way to buy things in the store.
posted by mote at 4:15 PM on January 5, 2005

I wonder why they would pick port of all drinks? The bottles can come in such disparate shapes. It'd be as reasonable as a Stuffed Grapa Gorilla.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:39 PM on January 5, 2005

*lowers Beernoculars novelty flask*
HAY DID U SEE THEY HAZ A BEAR U CN DRINK FRUM!!
*sips from Beer Buddy drink hat*
thats so dum lol, who'd buy that
*glances anxiously at collection of Elvis decanters*
OMFG! Is it dressed like the king? Does it play the song??
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:40 PM on January 5, 2005

Well, as long as they aren't observant enough to notice that you're ripping the head off of a stuffed bear and trying to drink from its neck...

Fill it up with Bloody Marys.


Just a thought.
posted by oaf at 6:01 PM on January 5, 2005

New From Ronco, it's the Plush Giraffe Bong!

Tired of The Man telling you not to toke? You can bring Bongo the Giraffe anywhere, even for a visit with your parole officer. He's cute, cuddly and completely inconspicuous! Just tilt back his adorable head and hit that bong for some sweet leaf relief!

Marijuana not included.
posted by substrate at 6:21 PM on January 5, 2005

Can I get the lizard shaped pipe? You know the one; the mariguana...
posted by X4ster at 7:44 PM on January 5, 2005