Man 1: "The other day I was crossing the street when a speeding car skidded and Uhhhhhhh I shit my pants, it came so close."
Man 2: "Well intense fear is a normal reaction in that situation, don't you think?"
Man 1: "No, no you don't understand. Just now? when I went "uhhhhhh", I shit my pants."
Glen: How many Pollacks it take to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen. One?
Glen: Nope, it takes three.
[Glen laughs. H.I. doesn't]
Glen: Wait a minute, I told it wrong. Here, I'm startin' over: How come it takes three Pollacks to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen.
Glen: 'Cause they're so goddamn stupid!
A constant function and e^x are walking down the street. Suddenly the constant function starts running. "Come on, we have to get away from here!" "What's the matter?" asks e^x. "Look! There's a differential operator over there! He's been harassing me for weeks. If he operates on me, I'm a goner!" "Relax," says e^x, "I'll take care of this." So e^x walks up to the differential operator and goes: "Hey buster, I want you to leave my friend alone". "And just who do you think you are?", asks the operator. "I'm e^x". "I see", grins the operator. "I'm d/dy".
A guy goes to a fancy dress party wearing noting but a girl clinging to his back. He meets his friend there who asks him why he isn't dressed up. "But I am! this is my costume!" says the guy. "What, you have no clothes on and a girl clinging to your back, what kind of a costumer is that?" his friend asked. "I'm a snail," said the guy. "WHAT??????" his friend replied. "You have no clothes on and a girl on your back and you think you look like a snail?" "Well, you see, this is no ordinary girl," says the guy. "This is Michelle." Wantok!!!!
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