The best of the worst of the week on television.

April 15, 2005 10:05 AM

The best of the worst of the week on television. The Parents Television Council, a U.S.-based watchdog organization trying to stamp out indecency on the airwaves, is doing their part in the war against moral turpitude. How? By creating a website where they host videos of the most offensive scenes on television... inadvertently creating some of the most amusing content on the internet!
posted by insomnia_lj (84 comments total)

As they say when you watch the videos on their website:

WARNING: Graphic Content!!!

Do NOT push play if you don't want to see the explicit video!!!

See? Even they want to watch this stuff! Do you think they'd be happy enough if companies shipped all televisions with a similar warning label??!
posted by insomnia_lj at 10:08 AM on April 15, 2005

Oh, and don't forget to download their video of the most offensive clips on television, 2001-2004
posted by insomnia_lj at 10:18 AM on April 15, 2005

Man, all .wmvs. What about people who want to be offended on Macs?
By the way, Kenny Eatabagadonuts, PhD. wants to be kept abreast of developments with CSI. He just complained that their episode with the infantilism was trite, boring and full of plot holes (because you can change the text in that box they have prefilled for complaints). If the FCC can't stop crappy TV shows, who can?
posted by klangklangston at 10:22 AM on April 15, 2005

Man, all .wmvs. What about people who want to be offended on Macs?

I get my offension on just fine with Windows Media Player for the Mac.
posted by neustile at 10:26 AM on April 15, 2005

sweet, a new bookmark!
posted by yeahyeahyeahwhoo at 10:26 AM on April 15, 2005

I find it hilarious that people complain about the content on cable. Broadcast, I can understand, but cable? You phone a company up and ask them to come hook you up and then pay them a monthly fee, and you find their content offensive. Somewhere along the line perhaps you ought to think about what you're doing. Plus, I mean, if you're including cable in the list of things you're complaining about, wouldn't every week's most offensive moment come from some pay for porn channel?
posted by jacquilynne at 10:28 AM on April 15, 2005

Subject: Offended

Dear Editors,

As a morally upright citizen of God's country and a warrior for Christ, I must inform you that I am morally outraged and offended that you would dare to host such vile scenes as depicted on your page "Worst TV Clips of the Week". I sat shocked and awed as my very own son, who was raised to be a moral beacon in his community and is a vigilant supporter of your cause among his peers, watched scenes of vile sexuality, necrophilia and blasphemous behavior. You, sirs, are as sinful as the liberal commie networks of satan that you work to eradicate. I will no longer support a den of evil such as your site any longer, especially when innocent young Christian minds can be corrupted by the very material that you host.

Love, in Christ,
Mike Oram
posted by melt away at 10:28 AM on April 15, 2005

I was not as offended as I expected to be. I am disappointed.
posted by Danf at 10:32 AM on April 15, 2005

Finally, someone has dispensed with the excess padding of the plot and dialogue of CBS's "Without a Trace" and given us only the Teen Orgy Scenes that keep us tuning in each week.
posted by Verdant at 10:32 AM on April 15, 2005

I had no idea that TV was so interesting! Thanks PTC!
posted by clevershark at 10:36 AM on April 15, 2005

"What about people who want to be offended on Macs?"

Everyone knows that Mac users are liberal artists/pornographers anyway, klangklang... and besides, there are versions of Windows Media Player and even other apps that play .wmvs on a Mac.
posted by insomnia_lj at 10:36 AM on April 15, 2005

Come to think of it, doesn't that whole site constitute a broad violation of the DMCA? It'd be a shame if someone reported the PTC to the authorities.
posted by clevershark at 10:37 AM on April 15, 2005

That worst content is fantastic. Something about irony should be inserted here, or whaterver.
posted by Thoth at 10:39 AM on April 15, 2005

This is great. I get to be TV free AND see the best naughty bits too. Totally bookmarking this page and I hope they update often.
posted by Fezboy! at 10:42 AM on April 15, 2005

The cognitive dissonance involved in this is incredible. People from PTC have to sit around watching shows to find the most scandalous bits, gasping in horror the whole time.
posted by drezdn at 10:42 AM on April 15, 2005

Amusing, yes. But does a FPP with two links to the same page disguised under two different sentences have one or two links?
posted by nkyad at 10:43 AM on April 15, 2005

DO NOT PUSH THE BIG SHINY RED BUTTON!!! SHINY, SHINY BUTTON!!
posted by fungible at 10:43 AM on April 15, 2005

Ratings of the various tv shows are worth a look too. You've got to wonder what Diagnosis Murder did to earn a yellow-light rating.
posted by selfmedicating at 10:44 AM on April 15, 2005

Am I the only one jerking off to this?
posted by m0nm0n at 10:46 AM on April 15, 2005

Gratuitious sexual content on Sex and the City? No way!
posted by SisterHavana at 10:53 AM on April 15, 2005

My thoughts were "I hope they post more often", too. They need a blog. And an RSS feed!

(So, how come network lawyers aren't sending the PTC "cease and desist" takedown letters?!)
posted by insomnia_lj at 10:55 AM on April 15, 2005

Nip/Tuck creator Ryan Murphy comments that "Hopefully I have made it possible for somebody on broadcast television to do a rear-entry scene in three years. Maybe that will be my legacy."

Excellent.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 10:59 AM on April 15, 2005

(posts to del.icio.us for viewing at home later)

This is great. Hopefully the naughty bits will live up to the hype.
posted by jcruelty at 11:01 AM on April 15, 2005

"02.17.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation on CBS Explicit scenes of patently offensive sexual and excretory functions"

Oh man... you can patent offensiveness??!!

Great, if I had known that, I would have had the U.S. Patent Office giving me a rimjob by now.
posted by Darkman at 11:01 AM on April 15, 2005

I find it humorous that American Idol is green-lighted and America's Most Wanted is red-lighted.
posted by Yossarian at 11:06 AM on April 15, 2005

So, wait, these people watched TV for an entire week straight, and they only came up with THIRTEEN scenes that offended them!? And that was THE BEST? I stopped watching after the first one, because... one... it wasn't even sexual, and two, I'm at work. God, they can't even be consistent in their outrage.
posted by odinsdream at 11:09 AM on April 15, 2005

Not to compare anyone to anybody else, but this reminds me exactly of the Nazis in the late 1930s, who pulled together 650 modern art paintings by 200 artists into one big exhibit designed to show everyone just how degenerate the works (by Klee, Kandinsky, Picasso, etc.) actually were. Because of this focused attention, the show ended up being on tour for three years, and was seen by three million people. It had become the first 'blockbuster' art show in history.
posted by lelilo at 11:11 AM on April 15, 2005

From the link to South Park's Whore Off: "When you subscribe to basic cable, exactly what are you paying for?"

Jesus, they even -recognize- what the problem is. You're PAYING for it. If you don't want it, Stop Paying For It. It's OBVIOUS what you get. If it isn't, get it for a month, then decide. In their case, they should decide NOT TO KEEP PAYING. Oh, and comedy central certainly isn't included in our basic cable plan.
posted by odinsdream at 11:15 AM on April 15, 2005

proof that obsessivly condemning something shows a fascination with it. I can see them drooling over how morally repugnent these clips are.
posted by klik99 at 11:16 AM on April 15, 2005

Is there a service I can get where I get notified about these vile scenes ahead of time? So I know what not to tune in to?
posted by tiamat at 11:17 AM on April 15, 2005

I've tried to watch the South Park clip a couple times now and it always freezes during buffering just as Mr. Slave has Paris Hilton's upper body shoved up his ass.

Truly, these people are misunderstood geniuses.
posted by unsupervised at 11:22 AM on April 15, 2005

I was all set to watch the naughty bits, but I have to admit that many of those violent scenes in the worst of were truly awful. I was surprised that were on network tv. The irony is I never would have seen them if they hadn't been hosted by that site.
posted by Kimberly at 11:34 AM on April 15, 2005

Thank goodness! By watching these, we'll know what to be on the lookout for to avoid while waiting for next week's clips!
posted by MaxVonCretin at 11:39 AM on April 15, 2005

Damn, that teen orgy is pretty crazy for TV, but I seriously doubt teens would watch some boring cop show on boring old CBS looking for tips on how they should act at school the next day.
posted by mathowie at 11:47 AM on April 15, 2005

It's actually a pretty good cop show. And I learned everything I know about being from watching Starsky & Hutch.
posted by jonmc at 11:50 AM on April 15, 2005

Jon, did you leave out an adjective on that Starsky & Hutch bit?
It worked well regardless.
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 11:52 AM on April 15, 2005

I was so ready to be offended. I showered, ate breakfast, and sat down at my console with an-tici-pation.

And those clips truly were horrid. But horrid in the manner of bad cheese, rather than in the manner of good porn.

And no blaspheming? No sacrilege? How can you have moral turpitude without them? I'm horribly disappointed.
posted by kanewai at 11:53 AM on April 15, 2005

I give good typo, dude.
posted by jonmc at 11:54 AM on April 15, 2005

And I learned everything I know about being from watching Starsky & Hutch.

How do NYC cops feel about you firing a gun out of the window of your Ford Torino on crowded streets?
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:56 AM on April 15, 2005

I though it was Sex as in Gender:

Gender and the City.

You have to admit it's sick to feature gratuitious sex scene in my beloved Gender and the City -- shame on them!
posted by NewBornHippy at 11:59 AM on April 15, 2005

Damn. Not only do they go to the trouble of watching these horrible horrible shows, and documenting their crimes against humanity...they also Tivo the "worst" parts and offer them on a website. Genius! I'm thinking about watching more Without a Trace now. That orgy scene was hot.
posted by graventy at 12:01 PM on April 15, 2005

This does not update nearly often enough.
posted by graventy at 12:05 PM on April 15, 2005

More people who think their ideas are the best ones. The irony of re-aring all the scenes that offend them the most, is most likely completely lost on them.

As it turns out, how offensive can it be, if they watched it in the first place? Fuck these people. If they can't stand to see something on tv (cable or otherwise) TURN THE CHANEL OR TURN THE TV OFF!!!


Truly, these people are misunderstood geniuses. hehehe or something else. I wonder if they go to confession after watching the episodes in question.
posted by a3matrix at 12:18 PM on April 15, 2005

How can it be "gratuitous sexual content" when no bare tits or butts are anywhere in sight?

"Airs at 8/7 Central." heheh
posted by mischief at 12:19 PM on April 15, 2005

PS: I would like to thank T-Mobile, Nintendo, Activision, Ubi Soft and Palm One for allowing me the opportunity to see that South Park clip.
posted by mischief at 12:22 PM on April 15, 2005

Am I going to hell if the first clip I watched was the one described as "Teen Orgy Party"? Oh well...from your comments, it appears that I'll have plenty of company. All aboard, the handbasket leaves in five minutes!
posted by ChrisTN at 12:25 PM on April 15, 2005

Did I miss it or has no one mentioned the cute film Cinema Paradiso yet? Makes for a solid video rental this weekend if you're stumped--a side aspect of the plot involves "scandalous" deleted scenes.
posted by Pattie at 12:27 PM on April 15, 2005

Oh, and from the "Surreal Life" clip: Peter Brady being tied to a brass pole in a strip club and accosted by exotic dancers? HAWT. (Plus, I really really want Jane Wiedlin's clergy shirt.)
posted by ChrisTN at 12:30 PM on April 15, 2005

"Whore-off" was definitely the best episode of a really good South Park season.

But I wonder what the PTC thought of the "Kenny's Feeding Tube" episode. There was nothing gratuitously sexual or violent in that episode (besides Kenny getting hit by a car, which happens every week). And yet it probably represented everything they hate.
posted by fungible at 12:36 PM on April 15, 2005

Well, in regards to paying for cable. One of the consequences of consolidation is that there are many places where the alternatives to cable involve installing a huge antenna on your roof. And one of the consequences of zoning laws and deed restrictions are that you can't put a big rotary yagi for television (or any other reason) on your roof anymore either. If you, sometimes cable is just rolled into your monthly costs whether you use it or not.

That said, I gave up on cable for reasons that are part economic, part political, and part just plain personal, and after the first few weeks, you don't miss it much.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 12:45 PM on April 15, 2005

This discussion is incomplete without a link to the sublime CAP Alert. "Suggestive eye movement" indeed.
posted by UKnowForKids at 12:53 PM on April 15, 2005

fungible: The best thing about that episode is the timing. I don't even watch South Park except maybe, oh, once a year, and happened to catch this one on week 2 of Shiavo Gate. Brilliant. (Not to mention it was right after the PSP was released).
posted by melt away at 1:05 PM on April 15, 2005

If I was one of the creators of South Park, I'd be pissed off if the show didn't make the top ten every week.

If you don't like the content of a particular cable channel, almost every cable system out there allows you to block channels you don't want. I block any channel showing conservative windbags like these.

Great archive of clips though, recomended watching.
posted by inthe80s at 1:11 PM on April 15, 2005

You would think that the PTC, being "indecency nazis" and all, would have at least labeled the page using the the IRCA's meta tags so that parents could attempt to filter all of this "gratuitous content" out of the interweb to protect their kid's virgin eyes?
posted by slhack3r at 1:19 PM on April 15, 2005

Waiter, the food was terrible and the portions were so small!
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:34 PM on April 15, 2005

It would be fitting if these bozos got their site blocked by the various parental filter sites for hosting adult content, wouldn't it?!
posted by insomnia_lj at 1:41 PM on April 15, 2005

This discussion is incomplete without a link to the sublime CAP Alert.

"Typically an R-rated films requires two or three log sheets to record all the issues of assault on morality and decency. Sin City required 7 1/2 log sheets...

...Very few of the nearly 1000 films we have analyzed have earned a CAP final score of 100 (the best score possible) and very few films have earned a CAP final score of zero (the worst possible score). Sin City earned a final score of zero [on the WISDOMeter]...

Good times, good times.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:44 PM on April 15, 2005

would have at least labeled the page using the the IRCA's meta tags

Some people aren't exactly web-saavy. Warning, link may induce seizures.
posted by odinsdream at 1:46 PM on April 15, 2005

The Wisdo-meter? Like, basing your movie decisions on this meter shows wisdom?
posted by graventy at 1:57 PM on April 15, 2005

Just watched the archived footage.

And honestly - it's disturbing. The South Park clips were over the top but hella funny. It's Freedom of Speech at it's best. Sex and the City is a show for adults, so no problems there. And watching Peter Brady get tied up was kind of hot.

The rest was truly awful, especially when watched back to back. It's eight minutes of rape fantasies, fake lesbianism, and bad acting. I wonder if any of the directors has actually had sex. If I had kids I think I'd forbid them from watching most of this shit also.

Look, I'm a left leaning libertarian atheist queer who used to work for the ACLU. And I still see a sick and twisted moral framework behind a lot of tv. I don't believe that we can legislate against it, but I do believe we can and should confront it.

I'm not sure the site is as ironic as many on here think it is. A lot of fundies are certainly enjoying a frisson of guilty delight when they watch it. Others - fundies and non xtians alike - will feel mobilized to take action.
posted by kanewai at 2:29 PM on April 15, 2005

I find it humorous that American Idol is green-lighted and America's Most Wanted is red-lighted.

I find it more amusing that Diagnosis:Murder is yellow-lighted.
posted by QuestionableSwami at 3:06 PM on April 15, 2005

well that's a decent point, it might be funny to us, but it serves as a lightning rod and causes alot of other people to vote for the Santorum's and Keyes' of the world...

so uh who's drawing straws to email the DMCA (after we've had our download fill of course?)
posted by stratastar at 3:11 PM on April 15, 2005

Bummer, I messed up the link to the Sin City review.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:26 PM on April 15, 2005

Questionable: That's because of Dick Van Dyke's famous "shower scene" last season.
posted by klangklangston at 3:37 PM on April 15, 2005

The rest was truly awful, especially when watched back to back. It's eight minutes of rape fantasies, fake lesbianism, and bad acting. I wonder if any of the directors has actually had sex. If I had kids I think I'd forbid them from watching most of this shit also.

Sure, I'll agree with that. (I, too, wouldn't want my 4-year-old watching hot hot Peter Brady getting slapped by strippers.) But for me, at the risk of bringing up the dreaded specter of "personal responsibility," shouldn't it be the parents who decide what their kids should watch and what they shouldn't? In other words, is it up to PTC to decide what makes good TV for every American family, or is it up to each parent to actually monitor what gets broadcast into her/his own home?
posted by ChrisTN at 3:40 PM on April 15, 2005

OMG, could they do the "titillating clips for the moral majority" thing any more transparently?? What on earth non-prurient purpose is served by offering up the actual clips to a mass audience with lots of bandwidth?
posted by Zurishaddai at 4:12 PM on April 15, 2005

you can stamp out indecency on the televsion, but youll never stamp out indecency in your brains.
posted by Satapher at 4:27 PM on April 15, 2005

Gratuitous - Given or granted without return or recompense; unearned. Given or received without cost or obligation; free.

Gratuitous sex - Not paid for? But if it is on cable, didn't I pay for it?

Snarkiness aside, this is symptomatic of a small, loudmouthed wave of asshats who want to enforce their ideas of propriety on everyone else. Is most TV crap? You betcha. Would I let my kids watch most of the stuff on that website? Nope. But I want that choice.

(They're) so narrow minded, they could see through a keyhole with both eyes.- Molly Ivins
posted by Enron Hubbard at 4:28 PM on April 15, 2005

wtf? Christian basic cable includes Comedy Central and HBO? Where do I sign up?
posted by fshgrl at 4:29 PM on April 15, 2005

If you concentrate really hard you can practically hear Brent Bozell fapping over some of these clips.
posted by clevershark at 4:48 PM on April 15, 2005

Ah, what stations would be included in a "Christian Basic Cable Package?"

Certainly, no Queer As Folk, L-Word, or Deadwood.

But, most definitely - 24-hours of Davey and Goliath!

We've Been Hosed!
posted by ericb at 4:58 PM on April 15, 2005

In other words, is it up to PTC to decide what makes good TV for every American family, or is it up to each parent to actually monitor what gets broadcast into her/his own home?

This is where I'm torn. Having the PTC set the boundaries would be a nightmare. And yet I have absolutely no problem demanding that Michael Savage and other purveyors of hate be taken off the air. Do I then become part of the

small, loudmouthed wave of asshats who want to enforce their ideas of propriety on everyone else?

I reject the boundaries the PTC draws; this does not mean that I don't believe that there are boundaries. I do belive that we can regulate hate speech, I do believe that there is a case for regulating violence on the airwaves.
posted by kanewai at 5:31 PM on April 15, 2005

REGGGUUUULAAATOOOOOOORRRRRSSS!
posted by Satapher at 6:06 PM on April 15, 2005

Anal engulfment video, courtesy of "Parent's Television Council"

I like the sound of that.
posted by troutfishing at 8:38 PM on April 15, 2005

Oh, but better still : "Parent's Television Council promotes South Park anal engulfment video clip"
posted by troutfishing at 8:39 PM on April 15, 2005

Looks like I"m going to have to download a few seasons of South Park. Whore-Off had me in stitches.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:54 AM on April 16, 2005

"I do belive that we can regulate hate speech, I do believe that there is a case for regulating violence on the airwaves.
" - Kanewai, the PTC is a construct of the Christian nationalist far right and seems principally concerned with smut.

The PTC seems less opposed to gratuitious violence which - as we all know - has a long and well established place in the American public commons.
posted by troutfishing at 6:34 AM on April 16, 2005

Haha... genius, yes, absolute genius.

I especially love how they identify the objectionable content in the CSI episode with the fat man jumping off the balcony: "Explicit scenes of patently offensive sexual and excretory functions". Not that you actually see anything sexual or excretory in the clip, or that it's portrayed as anything other than repulsive, but what's funny is, apparently they don't have a problem with the whole hallucination and suicide thing.

So, kids, today's lesson is: killing yourself is ok, just don't do it in a dirty diaper after being cuddled by a hot young nurse. Cos that'd be too gross and sinful. Resist the powerful allure of excrements!!
posted by funambulist at 8:03 AM on April 16, 2005

The scene where the boy walks into the bathroom and sees the naked woman: how is that sexual? We don't see anything of the woman which would qualify as indecent if displayed in a public place, the boy is fully clothed, there is no dialogue or behaviour on the part of either actor that could be regarded as flirtatious or sexually related. Perhaps the member of the PTC can only relate to children on a sexual level, seeing them only as objects to be toyed with and cast aside as broken playthings once the PTC representatives have had their way?
posted by biffa at 9:16 AM on April 16, 2005

The funniest thing about the inclusion of the "Whore-Off" clip is that right after that scene was one condemning the glorification of sluttiness in society.
posted by scarymonsterrrr at 11:08 AM on April 16, 2005

That was awesome! I'll be checking this site more often.
posted by McBain at 1:32 PM on April 16, 2005

Parent's Television Council : "Resist the powerful allure of excrements!!"

Now, there's a T-shirt worth wearing.
posted by troutfishing at 5:44 PM on April 16, 2005

These people have the greatest excuse for having porn in the house; "doing research".

I wonder if their partners just roll their eyes.
posted by emf at 4:55 AM on April 17, 2005

Ack, late to this thread, but I'll second (fifth, tenth) Firefly. I'm also getting vary attached to Slings and Arrows.
posted by dreamsign at 7:06 PM on April 19, 2005