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Once more, with Moonies
April 22, 2005 4:57 AM   Subscribe

A tale of marriage and, eventually, sex in the Unification Church. One of Nerve's 'personal essays' section. (much of Nerve may be NSFW)
posted by iffley (24 comments total)

 
I {skull and crossbones} this sloppy, solpisistic piece of confessional journalism. Nothing against you iffley.

The first night of the ceremony, I arrived at our room in the church-owned hotel at nine. It was on the nineteenth floor, with windows facing the Empire State Building on the east and the Chrysler Building to the south.

That would probably be the New Yorker, at 34th St and Eighth Avenue, a long-time Moonie hive. The Empire State Building is to the East, OK, but the Chrysler Building is to the south? Only in her mind. And I {double fucking skull and crossbones} Moonies.
posted by nj_subgenius at 5:44 AM on April 22, 2005


In my secret fantasies about cults battling for control of America, it's always the hive-mind Moonies against the pale, grey Scientologists.

It's a bit of a shame that this woman ends up in an unstable relationship with some guy who's engaged. But hell, better than a Moonie. (It also always fascinates me how people invent complicated semiotic codes for their rituals, yet often give them very little emotional weight...)
posted by klangklangston at 6:39 AM on April 22, 2005


Derail.

klangklangston, secret cult battles is an awesome idea!

Have you considered how the Seventh Day Adventists would do? They are fairly hive-minded too, and they've been a around for a lot longer than the Moonies.

Christian Scientists?
Hare Krishnas?
Star Wars Geeks?
posted by oddman at 6:56 AM on April 22, 2005


I wonder what happened to her children.
posted by Captaintripps at 6:58 AM on April 22, 2005


well according to the bio about the author at the end - her children live in New York with her.
posted by Julnyes at 7:00 AM on April 22, 2005


I wonder about the kids too. Solipsistic maybe and possibly not great journalism, but a fascinating story with a most strange ending... Thanks for the link, iffley.
posted by ibeji at 7:03 AM on April 22, 2005


That would probably be the New Yorker, at 34th St and Eighth Avenue, a long-time Moonie hive

Yeah, it's got to be. A number of members jumped to their deaths from the top floors, during the wild and crazy early years of the movement.

You know, the Moon org owns the Hammerstein Ballroom next door. That blows a lot of people away.

Her account of the sex is backed up by this document.
posted by inksyndicate at 7:18 AM on April 22, 2005


klangklangston, secret cult battles is an awesome idea!

Have you considered how the Seventh Day Adventists would do?


It's a tough call. The 7th Day Adventists have about 7 million people, so they vastly outnumber the Unification Church. On the other hand, the UC could call on right-wing miltia groups all over the world through its ties to the World Anti-Communist League.

Plus they could call for artillery fire from the Washington Times and various Democrat and Republican politicians, who'd be all over the news that night asking why the Adventists are a bunch of religion-hating liberals.

But isn't the 7th Day Advent only considered a cult by mainline Christians on the basis of differing doctrine? I mean, they don't use sleep and hunger deprivation and encourage people to separate from their families, or do they?
posted by inksyndicate at 7:24 AM on April 22, 2005


Spectacularly lacking in self-insight. Of course, that probably goes with joining a mind-control cult in the first place.

I like the part where Moon's adopted son beat the crap out of Col. Bo Hi Pak. Comedy gold.

Wow. Moonies versus Scientologists. The earth trembles. A derail that is better than the post link. Yay, klanklangston
posted by warbaby at 7:28 AM on April 22, 2005


That is one of the most depressing, soul-destroying things I've ever read. But, frankly, I don't see much difference between Moonies and any other Christian sect. The only difference between one's doctrine and the other is the degree to which we're accustomed to the weird things they do.
posted by norm at 7:40 AM on April 22, 2005


But, frankly, I don't see much difference between Moonies and any other Christian sect.

Some Christian sects are Moon-like, but honestly, you don't really see the local Lutherans doing business with North Korea, staffing newspaper management with career intelligence officers, and vowing to subjugate American democracy.

Cult is of course a relative term.
posted by inksyndicate at 7:49 AM on April 22, 2005


Norm, try Crime and Punishment, then check your soul again. I don't know if I found it solpisistic, but it was certainly emotionally flat. Has she learned anything since she wrote COPING WITH CUPID (the movie she mentioned):
"Three blondes from another planet land on earth to investigate love."

If so, I didn't notice it.
posted by Cassford at 7:51 AM on April 22, 2005


inksyndicate! The Hammerstein? My son will puke.
posted by nj_subgenius at 8:00 AM on April 22, 2005


Christian Scientists?
Hare Krishnas?
Star Wars Geeks?


The Flintstone Kids -- six million strong and growing!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:10 AM on April 22, 2005


Jeeeez what a depressing article.
posted by Specklet at 9:51 AM on April 22, 2005


I love ROU.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:25 AM on April 22, 2005


Man. Unitarians sure are weird.
posted by koeselitz at 10:38 AM on April 22, 2005


I'll be having fun thinking about Klangklangston's War the rest of the day.

You've got Hare Krishnas, Scientologists, and Unitarians in the cities, but let's not forget the militias and snake handlers out in the countryside.

And I'm sure that Opus Dei would have to play a role in this epic battle.
posted by kanewai at 1:17 PM on April 22, 2005


yay for koeselitz!
posted by Baby_Balrog at 1:24 PM on April 22, 2005


Not Unitarians...Unification Church. More accurately: "Members of the Family Federation For World Peace."
posted by inksyndicate at 2:42 PM on April 22, 2005


You know, the Moon org owns the Hammerstein Ballroom next door. That blows a lot of people away.

Wow.

Five years ago, my wife and I saw the Pet Shop Boys at the Hammerstein. After the show, we ran into a guy I had gone to film school with in Florida, and his wife -- both Moonies who were living in New Haven, CT. I was slightly surprised that they'd traveled down to NYC for the concert. Now it's making more sense. Free tix? Free room at the New Yorker?

I often wonder why the Democrats don't make more of the Republican Party's ties to the Unification Church. It would certainly drive a wedge between the GOP and many of their fundamentalist Christian supporters, who revile the Moonies as an evil cult and a snare of Satan.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 10:15 PM on April 22, 2005


Seventh Day Adventists are pacifists. Hell, they're even vegetarians. Though they do get points for the "Millions now living will never die" bit. Oh, and also calling the apocalypse for, like, three times now.
You wanna look for a third front, it's the Mormons, who strike me as a perfect balance of hive-mind (Jesus, beehive state!) and bizarro ET shit ("Our God is a space God.")
But Klang Klangston's War. I like that.
posted by klangklangston at 5:58 AM on April 23, 2005


Hmm, what a letdown. For some reason I was expecting that after 3 years of seperation their lovemaking was going to be crazy... Oh well.

Also, moonies == evil.
posted by delmoi at 12:50 PM on April 23, 2005


Howcome no one's mentioning the Ralians? Their conquest via clone armies is assured. Plus, all the sex you can handle.
posted by delmoi at 1:04 PM on April 23, 2005


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