Seven Minutes of Deadwood

May 31, 2005 8:43 AM

Seven Minutes of Deadwood [NSFW] - one episode worth of Deadwood profanity.
posted by srboisvert (44 comments total)

One episode? Jesus Fucking Christ. The writers have an obsession with cocksucking. Here's the condensed version:

"Fuck that fuckin shit-smeared cocksucker tryin to motherfuck me. COCKSUCKAHH!"
posted by effwerd at 9:00 AM on May 31, 2005

I recently picked up the Deadwood series from Netflix and the profanity, really, it fits. After the first few episodes (of this really great series, and I'm not big on westerns in the first place) it loses the shock factor and just becomes a part of the overall flavor.

One of my favorite parts is closer to the end of the series where the asian boss man starts in with the "cocksucker" this and that. It is apparently one of the very few english words that he knows. And he knows that it's not a term of endearment. That one scene still makes me laugh, as bad as it is.
posted by erisfree at 9:12 AM on May 31, 2005

Calamity Jane: “I'm calling on the widow and the little one in her care, and if I was you I wouldn't try to stop me."

EB Farnum: "Be brief."

Calamity Jane: "Be Fucked!"


And,


"God rest the souls of that poor family... and pussy's half price for the next 15 minutes."

Swearing is the best!
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:13 AM on May 31, 2005

On listening to the mp3, those 7 minutes are actually from the scene I just mentioned.
posted by erisfree at 9:14 AM on May 31, 2005

I was hoping that it would come closer to this post

I forgot just how scary the Old Testa... erm ... 1st Season Swearengen was.
posted by redteam at 9:15 AM on May 31, 2005

Swearengen has become more the 'good guy' this past season.. I'm not sure how I feel about that though. He's so damn good as the bad guy.

Great series all around. Anyone who complains about the swearing can, well, suck my cock!
posted by eas98 at 9:23 AM on May 31, 2005

Francis Wolcott was the bad guy this season. Well, "bad" doesn't really describe him. Sick, twisted and evil, maybe.
posted by hojoki at 9:43 AM on May 31, 2005

BTW, if anyone is interested in reading the magnificent scripts for the series can go here to read them all.

Anyone who doesn't believe Deadwood is the best show ever made sucks cock by choice.
posted by redteam at 9:53 AM on May 31, 2005

Swearengen has become more the 'good guy' this past season..

Not really. I think he is using a number of terrible events in the show to his own advantage. The nice act is just a way of making people trust him more than they should. Next season should be interesting.

Oh, and Deadwood is great, great television. It is reality TV in that they painstakingly re-create the atmosphere as it was during that time period. Yes, there is a lot of swearing, gratuitous violence, sex, bigotry, etc. but that's exactly the way it was back then.
posted by purephase at 9:59 AM on May 31, 2005

I found the first couple of episodes of the series a bit overboard with the swearing - it felt like the writers were excited about being on HBO, and wanted to cram as much in as possible. As the first season progressed, and especially in the second season though, the language, including the swearing, has become quite poetic.

Best line (to me) of the second season , trixie to one of the gems whores before a big funeral in town: "wash your fucking mouth, you've got 7 types-of-cock-breath" - had me laughing out loud.
posted by Isaac at 9:59 AM on May 31, 2005

I always thought the best bit of the first season was Wild Bill comparing Stranham's hare-lip to a cunt.

Which is why I'm nominating "cunt" to be the next swear word to become acceptable for network TV. And then I hope someone repeatedly compares Brent Bozell's face to one, in an effort to lure him into a duel.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 10:38 AM on May 31, 2005

I've noticed the language less and less as I watch the show.

this was an 'interesting' audio montage, I guess.

people who only focus on the swears are sorely missing a great fucking show.

Oh, and divine wino, I agree, CJ's retort to EB was awesome.
Like it was any way to talk to the Mayor.
posted by Busithoth at 10:44 AM on May 31, 2005

I've noticed the language less and less as I watch the show.

Indeed. It's like reading Trainspotting, once you get the vernacular down, you're home free.

I think the writers do a great job with 19th-century speech.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:52 AM on May 31, 2005

Yes, there is a lot of swearing, gratuitous violence, sex, bigotry, etc. but that's exactly the way it was back then.

And you know this how? I've seen a great deal of scholarly back-and-forth about the language used on the show, and there doesn't seem to be any consensus. Nobody knows "exactly the way it was back then"; can't it just be a good show with an idiosyncratic take on our collective imagined West?
posted by languagehat at 11:00 AM on May 31, 2005

I read in a New Yorker profile that writer David Milch (former frat brother of Dubya) had done considerable research on the speech patterns of folks in Deadwood. How he claimed to have done this I can't recall. He said the swearing was a constant buttress of bravado in a town where murder didn't result in arrest.

Anyway, here's my favorite dialogue from the show:

"Merrick: I'm in despair. The physical damage is repairable but the psychic wound may be permanent.
Swearengen (almost thoughtful, concerned): You ever been beaten, Merrick?
Merrick: Once, when I thought I had the smallpox Doc Cochran slapped me in the face.
(Swearengen backhands Merrick across the cheek)
Merrick (stunned, whispering): Stop it, Al.
Swearengen: Are you dead?
Merrick: Well, I'm in pain, but I'm obviously, no, not dead.
Swearengen: Well obviously you didn't fucking die when the doc slapped you.
Merrick: Nooo ...
Swearengen: So including last night that's three fucking damage instances that didn't kill you. Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair. Or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and Give ... Some ... Back."
posted by Lady Penelope at 11:01 AM on May 31, 2005

Obscenity is the crutch of the inarticulate.
posted by leapfrog at 11:09 AM on May 31, 2005

What'd you fuckin' say?
posted by hojoki at 11:20 AM on May 31, 2005 [1 favorite]

Well, duh, leapfrog. Though to be more precise, profanity is the crutch of the non-erudite.
The show is not about East-Coast Bluebloods or classically educated English aristocrats, it's about largely unlettered wild-west cowboys and lawless, immoral entrepreneurs. So, yeah, there's some cussin'. Stand it like a man, and give some back; or don't watch at all.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 11:36 AM on May 31, 2005

leapfrog you fuckin' cocksucker.
posted by basicchannel at 11:39 AM on May 31, 2005

Here's an interesting site on the show. Not sure how factual the content is, but it's a good read nonetheless.

HBO's Deadwood - Fact & Fiction

Particular quote about the language:

"Did they really use that much foul language in the Old West? This is a little fictional and a little factual. From our understanding, they did use bad language back then and lots of it. Especially in the mining camps that were mostly filled with rowdy men and rough characters. However, it was most likely not the words that you hear on the show, or at least not nearly as often. In those days, such words as crap, shit, damn, and bitch were considered to be very foul language. Today, these words are used in every day common language and we hear them all the time, usually taking little offense. Therefore, the show uses the "worst" words (of today) in order to get the point across."
posted by purephase at 11:47 AM on May 31, 2005

In this New York magazine piece, Jesse Sheidlower, the "scholar of cussing" who wrote The F-Word, says that the quantity of cursing on Deadwood is probably accurate, but the actual words aren't.

“There were cursing contests when cowboys would get together and insult each other,” he says. But “the evidence that we have is that they were using more religious blasphemy than the sexual insults which are popular today.” And on the show.

This Slate article on "the linguistic brilliance of HBO's Deadwood," seems to agree.
posted by kirkaracha at 12:05 PM on May 31, 2005

I do so love Deadwood. I've grown to despise much about television, but Six Feet Under and Deadwood throw me radically in the other direction. It's the writing and the acting. It would be hard to justify any other medium that produces such huge, steaming piles of crap, but somehow these two shows do it. There are so many talented writers and actors out there who never get work -- television could be filled with their work. That aint going to happen, but at least we have a little bit.

And leapfrog, while you're right in general I think that Deadwood is definitely an exception. The swearing up one side and down the other is actually articulate. At very least there is an articulate and an inarticulate way of using profanity. Deadwood uses it the way writers should use it.

Ok, enough gushing, just felt like throwing out a little love. So are either Carnival or the Sopranos worth it in the way Deadwood and Six Feet Under are?
posted by ontic at 12:36 PM on May 31, 2005

Frank Rich in the New York Times wrote an opinion piece about Ted Stevens' (chairman of the Senate Commerce Committee) efforts to rid cable television of adult situations/language--in the piece, Rich brought up Deadwood.

"... This is why Deadwood could not be better timed. It reminds us of who we are and where we came from, and that even indecency is part of an American's birthright. It also, if inadvertently, illuminates the most insidious underpinnings of today's decency police by further reminding us that the same people who want to stamp out entertainment like Deadwood also want to rewrite American history (and, when they can, the news) according to their dictates of moral and political correctness. They won't tolerate an honest account of the real Deadwood in a classroom or museum any more than they will its fictionalized representation on HBO. ... "
posted by Lady Penelope at 12:38 PM on May 31, 2005 [1 favorite]

My favorite dialogue from Season 1 (Flora is a homocidal, what, 16 year old?):

Joanie: Get outta here, Flora. Put down my things and I’ll let you get out without raising hell.
Flora: Why don’t you let me go with your things and shut your fucking mouth? Because I remind you of whoever the fuck I remind you of.
Joanie: No. Now what are you gonna do, Flora, kill me?
Flora: (Reaches down and grabs the knife from her boot) Maybe.
Joanie: Do you think you’re gonna get out of here alive?
Flora: I’ll give it a goddamn whirl.
posted by ontic at 12:45 PM on May 31, 2005

That would be homicidal, though I wouldn't put her beyond the former.
posted by ontic at 12:46 PM on May 31, 2005

I saw the first disc of Deadwood via NetFlix. It was well done, but I'm only ordering one disc at a time, cuz I wouldn't want to watch more than two episodes in a row. I need other stuff in between the discs. I appreciate the desire for realism in storytelling, but the profanity is just this side of overkill.
posted by ZachsMind at 12:51 PM on May 31, 2005

ontic:

I'm rather ambivalent about Six Feet Under, but I would like to see some people proclaim that The Wire is the greatest invention since the handjob.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 2:13 PM on May 31, 2005

I may have fucked my life up flatter than hammered shit, but I stand here before you today beholden to no human cocksucker.

I <3 Ellsworth.

I thought season 2 was very good but still less than one. It seemed more random, although I suppose part of the joy of the first season of a good show (and what a great show it is) is getting to know the world and its people, and then during the second season, well, life just has to happen.

Wolcott was an awesomely watchable and compelling character, evil as he was. It threw me though, when I first saw him, as he was immediately recognize as the same actor who played the guy who killed Wild Bill. Not sure why they cast him again, but I am glad they did.

Also: here's a question for any fans of the show: any idea why Tolliver wanted to save Malone? I could never figure out why they performed surgery on him. Maybe just to give Doc some experience? That was strange.

Can't wait for season 3.
posted by xmutex at 2:35 PM on May 31, 2005

How does one motherfuck someone? I've never been able to figure that out.
posted by psmealey at 3:14 PM on May 31, 2005

Damn!
posted by buzzman at 3:29 PM on May 31, 2005

Hey, my first mefi post was about Deadwood!
posted by absalom at 3:57 PM on May 31, 2005

The Wire is the greatest invention since the handjob.

I watched the first 4 or so episodes of the first season on DVD after Mefites praised it to the heavens. It was dreadful: bad acting, unoriginal/shitty dialogue poorly delivered (I counted 4 direct thiefs of Mamet dialogue), unbelievable characters in uninteresting plots, no characters--good or bad--that you cared enough to root for. In the four hours (or whatever) that I watched, not once did I wonder, "What's gonna happen next?"

It was so stupid I tried to put the whole thing out of my mind but I do remember that absolutely ridiculous scene where the cops go to some apartment complex and try and raise shit. They get pelted with televisions or some such nonsense. Laugh out loud bad.

It's the Buffy of cop shows, and I don't mean that as a compliment.
posted by dobbs at 5:08 PM on May 31, 2005

I do remember that absolutely ridiculous scene where the cops go to some apartment complex and try and raise shit. They get pelted with televisions or some such nonsense. Laugh out loud bad.

Except that happened in real life.
posted by drezdn at 5:36 PM on May 31, 2005

If you get confused or can't quite figure out a plot line, this site does good recap. Also check out their forums for Deadwood Haikus, Favorite Quotes, and the Ask Bummer Dan Advice column.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:46 PM on May 31, 2005

thanks for the motherfuckin' post, it fuckin' rocks. who fuckin' cares how those cowboy cocksuckers actually fuckin' talked back then -- it's a cocksucker of an entertaining motherfuckin' show. fuck.
and I fuckin' join dobbs in the anti-Wire crowd, that shit sucks ass if you compare it to friggin' Deadwood.
oh, and fuck Zell Miller, too.

ELIZABETH
OK, you want to tell Mom and Dad why you stopped taking your medication?

DONNIE
You’re suck a fuck-ass!

ELIZABETH
What?!

ROSE
Please.

ELIZABETH
Did you just call me a “fuck-ass”?

ROSE
Elizabeth, that’s enough.

ELIZABETH
You can go suck a fuck.

DONNIE
Oh please tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?

ELIZABETH
You want me to tell you?

DONNIE
Please, tell me.

ROSE
We will not have this at the dinner table.

posted by matteo at 6:14 PM on May 31, 2005

What's a fuck-ass?
posted by purephase at 7:22 PM on May 31, 2005

nonono, leapfrog. Profanity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.
posted by polyglot at 8:08 PM on May 31, 2005

Except that happened in real life.

And I took a nap this afternoon. Doesn't mean it's worth broadcasting.
posted by dobbs at 9:22 PM on May 31, 2005

I worked on North Sea oil rigs for ten years and I was shocked by Deadwood.
Once I got past the swearing I was still stunned by the amount of it that came from Lovejoy.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 9:34 PM on May 31, 2005

Deadwood is my weekly hour of worship in the church of Shakespeare.
posted by tgyg at 10:00 PM on May 31, 2005

I beg to differ - "Carnivale" was the best show on TV. When it was cancelled a few weeks ago by those c*cksuckers at HBO, we in turn cancelled HBO (and Deadwood with it). A lot of people did.

Ian McShane is great, and Deadwood is a fine show that promoted like hell by HBfuckingO (compared to almost NO promotion of the superior Carnivale). But Deadwood isn't fit to hold Carnivale's dusty old jockstrap.
posted by NorthernSky at 11:26 PM on May 31, 2005

If you think this is obsene - try this on for size
posted by FidelDonson at 2:37 AM on June 1, 2005

"Carnivale" was the best show on TV.

Carnivale started out great, and my wife and I made it one of our three must-watch TV shows. It built up terrific suspense, and the characters were fascinating. Then... nothing happened. Lots of intimations, foreshadowings, crackles of heat lightning in the dry air... but nothing happened. For weeks. Finally we got sick of the booga-booga "isn't this awesome and mysterious?" teasing and got hooked on Law & Order instead.

And I've gotta go with dobbs on Wire. "It really happened" has nothing to do with art or entertainment. Like the man said, he took a nap this afternoon. You want to watch?
posted by languagehat at 6:20 AM on June 1, 2005

Like the man said, he took a nap this afternoon. You want to watch?

Dobbs described it as "laugh out loud bad," which, since it was based on a real event means the fact that it actually happened is hilariously bad. I think the Wire is very well done, then again, I watched the third season first, then seasons 1 and 2, so I ended up coming into the earlier, dustier episodes with knowledge about how the show works, throwing little things at a time out for the viewer til it builds up to something huge.
posted by drezdn at 7:43 AM on June 1, 2005