Whippem, wippem real good!

October 13, 2005 8:12 AM

God forgives Whippers.If you burn the flag, it is Jerry Falwell's obligation to whip you. In fact, he believes that the Lord will forgive him if he does so. (.wmv video link)
posted by Hands of Manos (58 comments total)

I liked it so much better when the religious fanatics whipped themselves.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:14 AM on October 13, 2005

Yes, I remember in the scriptures when Jesus said "I'll forgive you if you pop 'im one, so long as he was talking bad about a political leader"
posted by splatta at 8:15 AM on October 13, 2005

Awesome. The Lord will forgive me when I get irritated and decide to pop someone because they ridicule something I like. Amen to that, brutha Falwell, amen. Let's me and you step outside for a second...
posted by jsavimbi at 8:21 AM on October 13, 2005

Funny what makes people laugh. Well, odd funny.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:22 AM on October 13, 2005

Wingnut says something stupid, holds screw in socket.

Film at 11.
posted by delmoi at 8:23 AM on October 13, 2005

lol religion is teh st00pid
posted by brownpau at 8:25 AM on October 13, 2005

brownpau, that'll be one whippen for you for being unpatriotic
posted by Hands of Manos at 8:26 AM on October 13, 2005

How christian.
posted by wsg at 8:27 AM on October 13, 2005

certainly Falwell is... sheesh change the rituals and he'd fit right in with those "islamofascists"
posted by edgeways at 8:27 AM on October 13, 2005

Talking out of turn...that's a paddling. Looking out the window...that's a paddling. Staring at my sandals...that's a paddling. Paddling the school canoe...ooh, you better believe that's a paddling.
posted by kableh at 8:28 AM on October 13, 2005

Where's your fucking neck?
posted by Nelson at 8:30 AM on October 13, 2005

I dream of the day Jerry Falwell tries to kick my ass.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 8:38 AM on October 13, 2005

Hey, but if'n he tries to whip me in Florida, I kin shoot him! Praise the lord an' pass th' ammunition!
posted by birdhaus at 8:39 AM on October 13, 2005

Who is this Jerry Falwell?
posted by Stauf at 8:39 AM on October 13, 2005

The only whipping he seems to be doing is whipping up snacks and meals-in-between meals. Isn't gluttony a sin?
posted by sharksandwich at 8:39 AM on October 13, 2005

posted by Hands of Manos at 8:45 AM on October 13, 2005

Can I get him to wear stiletto heels while he whips me?
posted by alumshubby at 8:51 AM on October 13, 2005

alumshubby wins!
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:54 AM on October 13, 2005

Man, you couldn't stop him!
posted by maxsparber at 8:54 AM on October 13, 2005

I'm with alumshubby. Hawt.
posted by lilboo at 9:04 AM on October 13, 2005

These "athletes" Falwell mentions, that will help him kick the ass of anyone who could stand up to Falwell's own rippling muscles and advanced martial training... they're kind of like Enforcers, for God?
posted by gurple at 9:07 AM on October 13, 2005

I can't take credit for the term, having seen it somewhere on the Internets, but I think "Talibornagains" has a nice ring to it.
posted by mr.curmudgeon at 9:11 AM on October 13, 2005

Obviously, this is a man who loves freedom.
posted by Pecinpah at 9:21 AM on October 13, 2005

mr.curmudgeon: "I can't take credit for the term, having seen it somewhere on the Internets, but I think "Talibornagains" has a nice ring to it."

I prefer fundagelical. It was a term heard first here, although I can't find the thread.
posted by mystyk at 9:27 AM on October 13, 2005

talibaptist? talibangelist? talimentalist? fundiban?
posted by gurple at 9:30 AM on October 13, 2005

How often do you suppose Falwell has occasion to make good this...boast, is it? I mean, does he frequently find himself out and about, encounters a flag-burner, and, err, whips out his Righteous Flail of Patriotic Indignation?

I've never actually been a witness to a flag burning. I must be hanging out in the wrong places.
posted by adamrice at 9:33 AM on October 13, 2005

These "athletes" Falwell mentions ... they're kind of like Enforcers, for God?

Kind like those Fruit of Islam guys that act as Louis Farrakhan's bodguards, I 'spect.
posted by alumshubby at 9:34 AM on October 13, 2005

Dobson's weiner dog would have this cupcake crying uncle before he reached the sink.
posted by maryh at 9:37 AM on October 13, 2005

Come on now, how much pain can that fat fool really generate? He'd take a crack, maybe two and then he'd be so winded he'd be unable to do anything for twenty minutes.

And that's when I'd kick his fake-Christian ass. Because my God tells me to mightily smite the bejeezus out of false prophets and idolaters and big fat religious-profiteering assholes.

My God's cool like that. (And yes, Beth, today I'm a cynical agnostic rather than a bitter atheist).
posted by fenriq at 9:39 AM on October 13, 2005

Careful with these terms incriminating evangelicals and fundamentalists :

Guess what - there are many of those on the left, and such pejoratives risk driving them into the arms of the Christian supremacist right.

Just saying - it's good to who your allies are so you don't inadvertantly insult them.
posted by troutfishing at 9:39 AM on October 13, 2005

Here's what's funny about people who get furious about flag-burning: they prove that flag-burning is potent.

Why do people burn flags? Why, they do it as a symbolic expression of disgust with certain aspects of what that flag represents. When do flag-burners know that their action has had an effect? Why, when the people who support or represent part of what they're disgusted by get furious about it. What would be the best way of reducing the symbolic power of flag-burning? Why, not to get enraged by it but to shrug it off as what it is: harmless symbolism.

It's a bit like people who get enraged by certain words. No! You mustn't say that! That's offensive! That hurts! hat's a bad word!

Really? Great! Thanks for clueing me in to your hot buttons!

Still, it's fun when your enemies are stupid.
posted by Decani at 9:40 AM on October 13, 2005

Does this apply to burning the Palestinian flag, too? I mean, after all, that's where the Lord these people worship was born.
posted by funambulist at 9:41 AM on October 13, 2005

rightwingers have gotten so kinky it isn't even funny at this point
posted by matteo at 9:53 AM on October 13, 2005

I can't get the video to play, but I'm puzzled as to how the flag has anything to do with Falwell's religious duties.

In fact, going by Exodus 20:4-5, shouldn't Falwell be whipping the people not burning the flag? That strange love for the star-spangled some Americans have comes dreadfully close to worshipping a golden calf if you ask me (and Moses burned that up good, the way Exodus 32:20 tells it).
posted by jack_mo at 9:56 AM on October 13, 2005

Careful with these terms incriminating evangelicals and fundamentalists

A fair point. I feel particularly bad about "talibaptists", though it still makes me giggle.

But I'd be interested to see leftist evangelical/fundamentalist backlash against Falwell and the crap that he spews. Very insterested. If there are leftist evangelicals/fundamentalists out there, they must hate this trash, right? Especially since it comes from what the rest of the world sees as one of their own heaviest hitters. Are they just earnestly writing him stern letters, or are they speaking up for themselves?
posted by gurple at 9:59 AM on October 13, 2005

This is as close to leftist fundy's as you can get...and yes, they think Falwell and Pat R are idiots

http://www.sojo.net/
posted by Hands of Manos at 10:05 AM on October 13, 2005

Professor Freud would have a field day with Jerry.
posted by threehundredandsixty at 10:12 AM on October 13, 2005

Thanks, HoM. And it looks like there was a good FPP back in December that threw that site out there in this kind of context. Good to know.
posted by gurple at 10:15 AM on October 13, 2005

Can I get Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter to do it instead? :D
posted by By The Grace of God at 10:16 AM on October 13, 2005

heh, and it was yours.
posted by gurple at 10:16 AM on October 13, 2005

BloatedGasbagFilter
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:33 AM on October 13, 2005

posted by Peter H at 10:36 AM on October 13, 2005

Let he who has not been a whipping boy cast the first whip
posted by Peter H at 10:41 AM on October 13, 2005

gurple, yeah I like SOJO a bunch. Jim Wallis is a fascinating speaker and writer and is constantly challenging the right.
posted by Hands of Manos at 10:49 AM on October 13, 2005

" Can I get Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter to do it instead? :D"

only if there is spit involved
posted by Hands of Manos at 10:50 AM on October 13, 2005

posted by Saucy Intruder at 10:57 AM on October 13, 2005

Oh..I am so gathering up a troupe of S&M people, dressing them in their leathers, and marching them, flags and matches in hand, to the headquarters of the Talibornagain. Oh, yes. Hell, I bet I can get the subs to bring their own whips.

And by their chaps ye shall know them....


posted by dejah420 at 12:38 PM on October 13, 2005

troutfishing writes "Careful with these terms incriminating evangelicals and fundamentalists :

"Guess what - there are many of those on the left, and such pejoratives risk driving them into the arms of the Christian supremacist right."

Yes, it would be a real shame for the Democrats to lose their evangelical base. While we're at it, the Republicans shaved off quite a few Dixiecrat racists with their Southern Strategy. Although people think they all defected, there are still many within the Democrat Party today. So, whatever you do, don't alienate the racists, as that might just drive them to the Republican Party.

It's things like this that make me glad I'm not a member of any political party. I don't have to pretend to like evangelicals and other bozos.
posted by krinklyfig at 2:53 PM on October 13, 2005

Jerry Falwell.

Whipping.

Shouldn't Orrin Hatch be involved in this somehow?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:56 PM on October 13, 2005

Tally me bananas
(Jeez, I thought I just made that up)
posted by Joeforking at 3:29 PM on October 13, 2005

Can I get Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter to do it instead? :D

Trannies can be hot.
posted by sonofsamiam at 3:43 PM on October 13, 2005

These "athletes" Falwell mentions ... they're kind of like Enforcers, for God?

Man that'd be great. I'd have a huge hard-on busting their heads. Some people just have - in big letters over their heads:
"SMITE ME! I'M PART OF THE PROBLEM!"

Guess what - there are many of those on the left, and such pejoratives risk driving them into the arms of the Christian supremacist right.

Me, I like a target-rich environment. The more the merrier.

I think flag burning is free speech. I think it should be protected as such. I disagree with burning the flag as a statement. I think it's disrespectful and deplorable. So I can not like it as much as I want, but I recognize it as necessary to a free society and it ultimately protects my right to say things others might not like.

This makes me want to burn a flag in front of this fat asshole's house. Come and get it.
posted by Smedleyman at 5:28 PM on October 13, 2005

"Yes, it would be a real shame for the Democrats to lose their evangelical base." - krinklyfig

I was young once, too, and thought in Manichean political hues.

You'll learn.

Or not.

World'll go on.
posted by troutfishing at 8:46 PM on October 13, 2005

Can I whip Jerry Falwell just because...you know, I feel like it?
posted by deusdiabolus at 9:37 PM on October 13, 2005

what if it was jesus who was burning the flag - would he whip jesus then?
posted by zog at 9:11 AM on October 14, 2005

Everything tastes better with Jesus Whip!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:41 AM on October 14, 2005

Have you tried Jesus Whip on salad? Everyone uses it as a sandwich spread, but it's really ment to be put on salads.

The Pharasees always whip Jesus. C'mon.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:09 PM on October 14, 2005

Can I get Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter to do it instead?

I have no idea who Michelle Malkin is but I'd rather be whipped by Falwell than Ann Coulter. Say... does anyone know whether Sheryl Crow and P.J. Harvey are fundamentalist Christian wingnuts?
posted by Decani at 8:34 PM on October 14, 2005