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I just love how the baby peers out.
October 23, 2005 9:47 AM   Subscribe

How Babies are Made in Germany. A book for children. (Possibly NSFW.)
posted by thebabelfish (56 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
Looks about right. I still don't get why people think it should be kept a mystery until a child is "of a certain age".
posted by furtive at 9:51 AM on October 23, 2005


Are babies not made like that in other countries?
posted by Saddo at 9:53 AM on October 23, 2005


Nooo! Knowledge!!!!1
posted by odinsdream at 9:54 AM on October 23, 2005


I have a crush on this book.
posted by hughbot at 9:57 AM on October 23, 2005


Thank you, that was awesome!

Cheers!
posted by Mr T at 9:57 AM on October 23, 2005


Saddo : "Are babies not made like that in other countries?"

We just teleport them here from the future. We know their parents will be pissed, but, hey, we'll be dead before their parents are even born.
posted by Bugbread at 9:58 AM on October 23, 2005


Hmm, while the couple is still naked from their bout of baby-making, the baby is already fully-formed in the belly... is this some kind of pro-life text?

I kid... I think. Good stuff, wish Americans could be this frank.
posted by gurple at 9:58 AM on October 23, 2005


A sexual crush.
posted by hughbot at 9:59 AM on October 23, 2005


I think the doctor on page 20 is holding a plunger. That might be uniquely German.
posted by found missing at 10:02 AM on October 23, 2005


Where Did I Come From?

I had this back in the 70's. It doesn't have the same cut-away diagram of penetration, but it's otherwise just as explicit and includes more information about bodies and their differences. I'd recommend it to anyone with kids.
posted by Ickster at 10:04 AM on October 23, 2005


Since the captions aren't translated to English on the site itself, I'll do it here, at least the first few pages:

Page 1: This is a baby. Do you know how it came to be?
Page 2: This is mother and father. They had the baby together.
Page 3: This is father and mother without clothes. You can see mother's breast and mother's slit. The slit is called vagina [literally, Scheide means sheath]. You can see father's dicklet. The dicklet is called penis. You can also see the sacklet which father has between his legs. It's called scrotum. [literally, Schwänzchen means tail-let].
Page 4: Mother and father love each other very much. They kiss each other. Fathers penis has become large. It stands stiff outwards. Mother and father want to put father's penis in mothers vagina, for that is beautiful.
Page 5: Mother and father lie down on the bed. They put the penis into the vagina. That way, they can play with each other. Mother and father rock up and down together. That is called cohabitating. This can be wonderful! This way, mother and father can have a child if they want to.
Page 6: Mother and father love each other very much. They want to have a child together. Inside the father's sacklet there a many little semen cells. Wenn father and mother cohabitate, the semen cells exit the penis. The semen cells swim into mother's vagina and enter a cave in mother's tummy. The cave is called womb. From time to time, inside of it is a little egg.



As an aside, telling your children about the birds and the bees is called "Aufklärung" in German, which can be literally translated as enlightenment, or intelligence (as in "military intelligence"). I have no idea what this says about us Germans. On a more personal note, the "Aufklärungs"book I was enlightened with included a passage on the orgasm being "like sneezing, only much more beautiful".

Personally, for all its cheesiness, I can imagine many forms of sex ed material that are much more harmful. At least, this one is sex-positive, or, in its very own way sex-neutral.
posted by Herr Fahrstuhl at 10:05 AM on October 23, 2005


i like that the doctor has a clawhammer in his hand to ease the child out.
posted by tsarfan at 10:11 AM on October 23, 2005


Every single face in the book is smiling. So, during childbirth, the mother's face isn't showing.
posted by Chuckles at 10:12 AM on October 23, 2005


Did anyone notice that if you keep on clicking, they just come home from the hospital, and it starts all over again? They never stop!
posted by pjern at 10:16 AM on October 23, 2005


Mother and father rock up and down together. That is called cohabitating.

Not where I come from, it's not.
posted by dash_slot- at 10:16 AM on October 23, 2005


@dash_slot: Well it is, where my dictionary comes from (Munich, I think).
posted by Herr Fahrstuhl at 10:17 AM on October 23, 2005


I remember seeing the same book here in the UK in the 70s, pretty standard stuff for liberal-minded parents to give their kids, really.
posted by malevolent at 10:21 AM on October 23, 2005


Haha, I love it. That baby looks like he's doing all the work and really enjoying it.
posted by blendor at 10:26 AM on October 23, 2005


The avatar potential here is great....
posted by sourwookie at 10:27 AM on October 23, 2005


Hey! That book is available in the UK. I know because it's the one that taught me where babies come from. I think I turned out alright....
posted by Jofus at 10:28 AM on October 23, 2005


HA! I came out via C-Section.
posted by j-urb at 10:33 AM on October 23, 2005


I just learned that the German word for vagina is Schlitz. That's another one for this thread.
posted by painquale at 10:34 AM on October 23, 2005


Thanks, that cleared up a couple things.
posted by marxchivist at 10:39 AM on October 23, 2005


I'm enjoying a Schlitz right now.
posted by horsewithnoname at 10:41 AM on October 23, 2005


I'm no expert, but isn't vagina translated as die Scheide. Der Schlitz is a slit, crack, etc. Is that also slang for vagina? Paging Herr Fahrstuhl...
posted by found missing at 10:44 AM on October 23, 2005


Thanks for the translation, Herr Fahrstuhl. That really makes it all the better. And I love the baby coming out; it makes me think of the end of Looney Tunes when Bugs bursts through. And the love car.
posted by dame at 10:46 AM on October 23, 2005


Well, seeing as I support the explicit teaching of sex-ed to kids, I don't wanna make too much of this, but co-habitation means 'living together', 'shacking up'. Of course, there is a certain amount of cross-over, but if you used it incorrectly in some circles, you'd get a raised eyebrow. If not more...
posted by dash_slot- at 10:48 AM on October 23, 2005


@found vagina, err... missing: 'Der Schlitz' is indeed first and foremost a slit or crack, as you correctly noted. It is not slang, but in a suggestive context it would likely also be understood as 'vagina'.
posted by Herr Fahrstuhl at 10:50 AM on October 23, 2005


Can we make t-shirts from the image on p. 21?

It's kinda Goatse-esque
posted by photoslob at 10:50 AM on October 23, 2005


Gurple : if you look closely you can see several pages were skipped there - presumably the parents had re-clothed at some point in the intervening months of prenatal development.
posted by exogenous at 10:54 AM on October 23, 2005


"Hot Babes are Made in Germany."

Anyway, that's what I read at first.
Maybe I should change my surfing patterns...
posted by sour cream at 11:01 AM on October 23, 2005


Also, my vote re "Beischlaf" goes to "coitus".
posted by sour cream at 11:04 AM on October 23, 2005


Not very realistic, because men who wear green pants rarely get the opportunity to make babies.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:05 AM on October 23, 2005


Just lovely. How could this be considered NSFW?
posted by hoskala at 11:06 AM on October 23, 2005


MetaFilter: Like Sneezing, only much more beautiful...
posted by toftflin at 11:09 AM on October 23, 2005


Not very realistic, because men who wear green pants rarely get the opportunity to make babies.

Maybe in Germany they do?
posted by sour cream at 11:13 AM on October 23, 2005


What a fun coincidence! They have the exact same bed that I do!
posted by gramschmidt at 11:16 AM on October 23, 2005


Can we make t-shirts from the image on p. 21?

I belong to the International Society of the Easily amused and you just made my day :)
posted by elpapacito at 11:29 AM on October 23, 2005


How could this be considered NSFW?

Naked people having the sex!! Duh!
posted by Stauf at 11:33 AM on October 23, 2005


Naked people having the sex!!
Make that illustrations of people having the sex!

Duh!
DUHHH!!! :P
posted by slater at 11:40 AM on October 23, 2005


OMG I OWN THAT BOOK!
posted by mumble at 11:54 AM on October 23, 2005


sour cream: "Also, my vote re "Beischlaf" goes to "coitus"."

What's wrong with "sleeping together"? As in, bei + schlaf?
posted by kenko at 12:18 PM on October 23, 2005


I can't wait to have children so I can tell them how Germans have babies. Americans, of course, simply contact the stork.
posted by JohannStrauss at 12:35 PM on October 23, 2005


mumble, are you trying to get your comment in the sidebar on the front page?
posted by anthill at 1:02 PM on October 23, 2005


anthill, I could scan in some of the missing pages to prove it. (Don't make me though, I really don't want to explain this to my parents.)

Seeing this book posted on MeFi was one of the most bizarrely random things EVER; just be glad I didn't throw in a WTFBBQ along with the OMG.
posted by mumble at 1:17 PM on October 23, 2005


Okay, I checked, pages 10 to 15 are just pictures of the baby growing inside the womb (just as seen on page 16).

They seem to suggest that, from conception to birth, mother and father spend the whole time naked, groping and constantly smiling at each other, and then only get dressed for driving to the hospital. Huh.

As an aside, this is just the German translation of a Danish book (or printed in Kopenhagen, at least) by a guy called Per Holm Knudsen. The original title is Sadan Far Man Et Barn. So, you know. "How babies are made in Denmark" would probably be the correct-ish link name.
posted by mumble at 1:55 PM on October 23, 2005


I really like the baby with arms outstretched like it's flying out of the vagina. That's fantastic on so many levels I almost want to make it my desktop wallpaper. Almost.

Regarding "cohabitating": when I was learning German and we were discussing separable-prefix verbs, someone said "like mitschlafen?" and the instructor became very, very upset.
posted by trigonometry at 2:23 PM on October 23, 2005


They seem to suggest that, from conception to birth, mother and father spend the whole time naked, groping and constantly smiling at each other, and then only get dressed for driving to the hospital. Huh.

You mean we're not supposed to?

And that baby is clearly saying "taa-daa!" as he is born.
posted by emjaybee at 2:28 PM on October 23, 2005


I could have saved myself a lot of emotional turmoil if I'd read this book before moving in with my female housemates.
posted by bigmike at 4:07 PM on October 23, 2005


I learned about this subject from Dave Barry's Babies and Other Hazards of Sex, which I found lying around the house when I was five or six. It had pictures, so I assumed it was a kid's book. I remember being very relieved that the mystery of what the hell my bellybutton was for had been resolved.
posted by Uccellina at 6:35 PM on October 23, 2005


Mother and father want to put father's penis in mothers vagina, for that is beautiful.

Yes. Yes it is.
posted by jennyb at 7:31 PM on October 23, 2005


I think it's fantastic. And I too love the "ta da!" flying out of the womb baby. I knew I should have flown to Germany to give birth. ;)
posted by dejah420 at 9:26 PM on October 23, 2005


Wait, so the daddy doesn't just pee inside of mommy?
posted by NationalKato at 10:17 PM on October 23, 2005


I love that the tips of mother's pigtails are visible even from the nether view - and they remain so neat with their little purple bows all that time!
posted by andraste at 5:58 AM on October 24, 2005


I had "Where Did I Come From" as well, starting from when I was about 3. When I was 7 or so, I got a much more adult and technical manual describing the gestation and birthing process, complete with photos.

It meant that my parents never had to have "the talk" with me, for which I am both grateful and disappointed in them.
posted by o2b at 8:42 AM on October 24, 2005


Mach es sehr schnell;
Rein und raus;
(Magisches schwein)
Mach es sehr schnell;
Rein und raus;
(Magisches schwein)
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
Spritzt, spritzt;
Feuer!
posted by Pollomacho at 10:21 AM on October 24, 2005


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