Shatner's Kidney Stone

November 19, 2005 9:55 AM

Shame: the Final Frontier. Following his successful kidney stone removal, William Shatner now wants to sell it on eBay for charity. Technically, selling human body parts is against site policies, but Shatner hopes an exception will be made for charity's sake, as well as the millions of Trekkies he believes will want to bid on "the ultimate piece of Star Trek memorabilia."
posted by XQUZYPHYR (52 comments total)

Is a kidney stone technically a body part?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 9:58 AM on November 19, 2005

I got kicked off eBay for selling skulls.
posted by glider at 10:00 AM on November 19, 2005

Shatner's kidney stone would definitely be considered a biohazard.
posted by IronLizard at 10:01 AM on November 19, 2005

That's no moon.
posted by loquacious at 10:10 AM on November 19, 2005

which he successfully passed after experiencing excruciating pain.

A little warp nine for you there, Bill?
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:11 AM on November 19, 2005

...

I just don't know what to think
posted by cmonkey at 10:12 AM on November 19, 2005

Is a kidney stone technically a body part?

I think technically it would count as "waste" which is banned in the policy footnotes.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 10:16 AM on November 19, 2005

Kirk: Bones, I...I FEEL...a sharp PAIN...in my side.
McCoy: Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a....oh....oh, right.
posted by bigskyguy at 10:18 AM on November 19, 2005

I never saw the original Star Trek, so I'm not really aware of Shatner on that level, but he is fucking hilarious on Boston Legal. Not sure if that means anything in this thread, but there ya go.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 10:23 AM on November 19, 2005

Shatner has found the perfect balance between arrogance and self-mocking to make me spit with laughter. His recent album Has Been also makes fantastic use of this schtick.
posted by Popular Ethics at 10:25 AM on November 19, 2005

I already have one of his kidneys, so I guess this would fit into the display case next to it.

The ultimate Trekkie memorabilia are the severed heads of the original cast members. I've already got Doohan, and plenty of shelf space. Watch your back, Takai.
posted by klangklangston at 10:54 AM on November 19, 2005

I don't get it. He "passed" something the size of a large walnut? Was there some kind of episiotomy involved?
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:09 AM on November 19, 2005

so that's where they get the dilithium crystals ...
posted by pyramid termite at 11:10 AM on November 19, 2005 [1 favorite]

Sounds like something Denny Crane would do.
posted by konolia at 11:20 AM on November 19, 2005

yuck!
posted by caddis at 11:23 AM on November 19, 2005

If Shatner's going the Golden Palace route, then jonmc should donate his stones to the Mütter Museum. That way, hundreds of years from now, our descendents will zoom about the galaxy while talking about how the MetaFilter Experience was inspirational to their lives.
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:25 AM on November 19, 2005

I can't stop vomiting.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 11:29 AM on November 19, 2005

I can't stop vomiting.

Jesse, you should save some of it and sell it on eBay!
posted by goatfish at 11:40 AM on November 19, 2005

Q: I can get Courtney Love's vaginal fluid. Will you buy it from me?

A: Possibly. It depends on how much you can get, the current availability of that celebrity�s specimens, and whether we have the resources to properly identify the specimen in our routine tests. Sellers of accepted specimens will usually earn roughly $500 to $1000 dollars, depending on type of specimen and quantity. Contact us directly for more information regarding this.

Celebrity Skin.com
posted by xod at 11:48 AM on November 19, 2005

somewhere in a trunk in my storage space, there's a little brown envelope with about four of my grandmother's kidney stones. (surgically removed some time in the 1960s.) when i found them in a drawer when we were dismantling her household, i never even thought of throwing them away, despite my mother's disgust. i've actually thought of having them polished and made into beads, but maybe that's going too far...

now, would i want William Shatner's? no.
posted by RedEmma at 12:07 PM on November 19, 2005

RedEmma, with your Gramma's four to offset it, Shatner's would make a nice brooch...
posted by darkstar at 12:12 PM on November 19, 2005

I've already got Doohan, and plenty of shelf space. Watch your back, Takai.

I can't stop laughing, and people are starting to stare.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 12:35 PM on November 19, 2005

Teh Gross.
posted by delmoi at 12:43 PM on November 19, 2005

I don't get it. He "passed" something the size of a large walnut?

Article says yes, I think:

A pain in his lower back turned out to be a kidney stone en route to the world outside Shatner's body, a process that's said to be as painful as childbirth. "My wife said it's a girl," Shatner joked while holding up an object large enough to wring tears of urological terror from a stoic Mr. Worf.

But I'm having a hard time imagining that big black rock coming out of anyone's wiener.
posted by pracowity at 12:57 PM on November 19, 2005

I'm pretty sure that's a prop rock substituted for comic value.
posted by Jawn at 1:24 PM on November 19, 2005

Steadier now, no doubt, as he goes.
posted by Haruspex at 1:25 PM on November 19, 2005

This reminds me of "Slackers":

"I've got a Madonna pap smear to sell you.. if you look closely you can see a pubic hair."

*eeeeuuugh*
posted by anthill at 1:32 PM on November 19, 2005

I would like to hear jonmc's input about Shatner's output.
posted by Rothko at 1:37 PM on November 19, 2005

Shatner clearly doesn't read MetaTalk. He simply needs to advertise that he has A GLASS BOTTLE FOR SALE AND ANY KIDNEY STONES YOU MIGHT FIND WITHIN ARE A GIFT FROM ME TO YOU!!!!!! REMEMBER, YOU'RE ONLY BIDDING ON THE BOTTLE, ANY KIDNEY STONES WITHIN ARE A GIFT!!!!! IF YOU ARE WORRIED, DO NOT BID, YOU WILL NOT GET YOUR MONEY BACK, RULES OF EBAY.
posted by gramschmidt at 1:48 PM on November 19, 2005

It's still not as bad as Houston's (Wikipedia, NSFW) post-labiaplasty auction.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:27 PM on November 19, 2005

pyramid termite: silly person, there's no such thing as dilithium crystals.

Nope, what Shatner has there is a lump of weapons-grade urinium.
posted by Malor at 2:29 PM on November 19, 2005

That's Hot.

(and by hot, I mean gross).
posted by Paris Hilton at 2:36 PM on November 19, 2005

"I'm pretty sure that's a prop rock substituted for comic value."

Surely you're not suggesting that this is a piece of silicon-based life?

Although with a stone that size...THE PAIN THE PAIN!!!
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 2:53 PM on November 19, 2005 [1 favorite]

Alan, that kidney stone had the hots for me!

Denny Crane.
posted by madman at 3:41 PM on November 19, 2005

So glad I just had a little snack right now. **SPLAT**

Seriously, I think the stone would be a "byproduct" and not a "part." Shatner hasn't seen a "part" for many a year. HARHAR.
posted by MiHail at 3:47 PM on November 19, 2005

Yeeeurgh.

There ought to be a law against actors doing this sort of thing once one of their roles has become a classic. I liked Kirk, and hate having to try to block mental images of Shatner as TJ Hooker, or in Miss Congeniality, or with his pants down Boston Legal etc.

And I so do not want to think about the man's kidney stones.
posted by Zinger at 3:56 PM on November 19, 2005

I never saw the original Star Trek

I'm feeling old.
posted by alumshubby at 4:21 PM on November 19, 2005

102 reasons why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk:
*SNIP *
102. Two words: This story.
posted by Opposite George at 4:22 PM on November 19, 2005

um wtf? That's just gross.
posted by login at 4:56 PM on November 19, 2005

I wonder if this was his expression as he passed the stones. (Flash)
posted by Dukebloo at 5:05 PM on November 19, 2005

xod writes "Q: I can get Courtney Love's vaginal fluid. Will you buy it from me?"

The CDC might object to that particular sale.
posted by clevershark at 5:20 PM on November 19, 2005

A buddy of mine is about to pass his third (!) kidney stone. I sure hope his isn't as big as Shatner's. Yikes!
posted by clevershark at 5:21 PM on November 19, 2005

I would like to hear jonmc's input about Shatner's output.

Heh. The day the news of Shatner's stonepassing broke, I recieved a buncha email's from freinds saying "Hey, you're in good company, dude!"

But, I think it breaks down like this: my stones were pulverized within my body, and the doctors told me that anything taken out of a patient has to be accounted for and analyzed chemically for medical reasons. But if you pass it on your own, it's yours to keep, sell, or make costume jewelery from. (the small stone I passed got sent off for analysis (after carrying it in a taxicab in a tinfoil-lidded dixie cup, the capdriver probably drove off muttering "crazy white people..") because my idiot GP thought it might be a chip from the toilet bowl)
posted by jonmc at 7:00 PM on November 19, 2005

Nope, what Shatner has there is a lump of weapons-grade urinium.

you sure it wasn't peetonium?
posted by pyramid termite at 7:37 PM on November 19, 2005

I never saw the original Star Trek

I'm feeling old.

Don't, because I didn't mean it like that. I've never seen Star Wars (all the way through) either, and it's not because I'm young, though I sorta am, but because I've never had an interest in the material. Like the Beatles. Or Spam.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 8:02 PM on November 19, 2005

Heh. The day the news of Shatner's stonepassing broke, I recieved a buncha email's from freinds saying "Hey, you're in good company, dude!"

You should sell it on Metafilter. Matt could set up a new section of Metafilter — like StoneMe or something.
posted by Rothko at 8:17 PM on November 19, 2005

matteo and wendell said they'd both bid on it, but sadly, I don't posses them. Pips did say that the surgeon showed her a test tube full of gravel that he shook like a maraca.
posted by jonmc at 8:26 PM on November 19, 2005

I thought that was what Projects was for.

"I'm currently working on a new kidney stone, it should be ready in a couple of months; pre-orders are being accepted, but only for custom engraving at this time. Please specify at least two alternative indy bands with shorter names in case your first choice simply will not fit ."
posted by yhbc at 8:29 PM on November 19, 2005

It's only a matter of time before ebay removes this item. Jeff Nelson, relief pitcher, while he was with the mariners tried to sell the bone chips from his elbow surgery on eBay for charity. Got up to 23K before ebay pulled the plug.
posted by prodigalsun at 8:54 PM on November 19, 2005

but because I've never had an interest in the material. Like the Beatles. Or Spam.


what.



seriously.



what?
posted by stenseng at 9:14 PM on November 19, 2005

"Stardate 47330.7...

Orbiting the planet Nephron IV, scanners have picked up signs of a small planetoid in irregular orbit..."
posted by darkstar at 2:40 AM on November 20, 2005

Lock of Byron's hair..............$2.000
Einstein's brain...................$15.000
Shatner's stone..................Priceless
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 1:23 PM on November 20, 2005