That, of course, would be the giraffapig

January 18, 2006 9:44 PM

What Would Tyler Durden Dois the latest home for Brendon, the one time head writer over at celebrity gossip sites thesuperficial.com & idontlikeyouinthatway.com (while his writing remains sharp & inventive, the domain names of the sites he writes for are getting longer & less original with each move). The usual content (updated several times daily) involves photographic embarassing invasions of celebrity privacy and absurdist writing.

Oh, I almost forgot - for the undoubtedly small percentage of the reading audience interested in watching Colin Farrel have sex with a playboy playmate, a digital copy of the illegal tape stolen from Farrel's house is the lead post on wwtdd.com currently.
posted by jonson (36 comments total)

The usual content (updated several times daily) involves photographic embarassing invasions of celebrity privacy and absurdist writing.

Jesus Christ. Poor guy.
posted by billysumday at 10:08 PM on January 18, 2006

Hmm, that lead story is extremely filthy. However, it is actually pretty decent sex, so good for, well, whoever is involved.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 10:44 PM on January 18, 2006

yeah, but how many times can farrell say "you're so fucking beautiful, baby"? 30? 40?

the thing that sets this celebrity sex tape above all others (well, the only other ones that come to mind right now are Paris Hilton's and Sizemore's....does Rob Lowe count?) is his on-tape admission that it features "the shabbiest camera work ever seen in a porn". It's that type of sharp self-scrutiny that has kept Farrell at the top of the Hollywood A-list for these past few years.
posted by Lee Marvin at 10:53 PM on January 18, 2006

Personally, I look forward to the inevitable emergence of the Carolyn Murphy sextape so I can compare the cinematography with other celebrity sex tapes. Well, that and also the fact that she's pretty hot.
posted by tcobretti at 11:06 PM on January 18, 2006

tape stolen from Farrel's house is the lead post on wwtdd.com currently
That didn't last long.
posted by tellurian at 11:33 PM on January 18, 2006

This has got to be the mother of all celebrity sex tapes. One, we have semi decent lighting. Two, let's face it, Colin's packing, and Three, we've got a playboy bunny in the mix. Four, we see everybody's face clearly several times. Btw, what's with the cueball noggin? Is this circa Daredevil?

At this point, I'm pretty sure the only thing that could beat it is if somebody unearths a three-way between Brad Pitt , Angelina Jolie and Britney Spears. At which point, my head would explode.
posted by Parannoyed at 11:55 PM on January 18, 2006

Wow... pulled less than 2 hours after it went up. They probably used the same C&D letter that was sent to dirtycolin.com. Oh well, sorry, for those of you on the East Coast who might have wanted to see this.
posted by jonson at 12:38 AM on January 19, 2006

What would Tyler Durden Do?
Gossip incessantly about vacuous celebrities, it seems.

Looks like I missed the point of Palahniuk's book and the character of Durden...
posted by slimepuppy at 2:35 AM on January 19, 2006

I had been to one of those sites before, and it struck me that this guy is just as bad as any of the vapid programming on E! or Access Hollywood. It's just from a different perspective. I don't know if he thinks he's clever or what, but if I met the guy, I'd probably think he was a huge asshole.
posted by psmealey at 3:08 AM on January 19, 2006

Methinks that Tyler wouldn't give a damn about any of the superficial gossiping and ad traffick.

On preview: slimepuppy has it.
posted by cavalier at 3:26 AM on January 19, 2006

all y'all have it.
posted by dabitch at 3:36 AM on January 19, 2006

At this point, I'm pretty sure the only thing that could beat it is if somebody unearths a three-way between Brad Pitt , Angelina Jolie and Britney Spears.

Ooooooooold.

Orlando Bloom and the Olson twins, now . . .
posted by Ryvar at 4:36 AM on January 19, 2006

Yeah, why aren't the Olsen twins in porn yet?
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:55 AM on January 19, 2006

You're all missing the point. The entire blog is constructed from fat stolen from liposuction clinics.
posted by Ritchie at 5:01 AM on January 19, 2006

I don't normally care about this shit, but good god, what's the deal with Scarlet Johansson's tits? Are those real?
posted by fungible at 6:48 AM on January 19, 2006

I hope so, fungible, I really hope so. Oh, and the lead story is gone...
posted by TeamBilly at 7:00 AM on January 19, 2006

Oddly enough they feel just like a bag of sand.
posted by I Foody at 7:02 AM on January 19, 2006

Mmm. Scarlet Johanson...
posted by delmoi at 7:06 AM on January 19, 2006

as fashion designer and E! co-host Isaac Mizrahi feels her up on live television. He says he was just feeling the lines of her dress as research for his own stuff. And it's no big deal cause hes gay. I guess the line with girls is, if a guy isn't enjoying himself, he can pretty much do whatever he wants. So, if you guys need me, I'll be the one roller skating around in mint capri pants at my new job at Fred Segal, telling Scarlett Johansson that we should have probably have vaginal sex while you try on this hat, you know, so I know if it fits.
posted by delmoi at 7:08 AM on January 19, 2006

I don't get it. Isnt celebrity gossip exactly what Tyler Durden wouldn't do? Or did this guy just have cutesy name for a domain and thought he'd be the next Pat O'Brien?
posted by skallas at 7:14 AM on January 19, 2006

skallas: "yes" and "I can't speak for him but probably yes"
posted by Ryvar at 7:16 AM on January 19, 2006

I don't get it. Isnt celebrity gossip exactly what Tyler Durden wouldn't do? Or did this guy just have cutesy name for a domain and thought he'd be the next Pat O'Brien?

Well, I think the idea is that he's making fun of celebs. But yeah that dosn't really seem like Tyler's style. Tyler's blog would probably read a lot like some 14 year old goth kids'. Spite, Nilism, and bomb making instructions.

Of course, project Meyham is pretty similar to Al-Quada, so they might have secret blogs similar to the islamists.
posted by delmoi at 7:23 AM on January 19, 2006

Yeah, why aren't the Olsen twins in porn yet?

Because they look like fucking carnival cupie dolls and that would be sick and wrong.
posted by psmealey at 7:37 AM on January 19, 2006

Isn't obsessively hating on Mariah Carey just as fatuous as worshipping her as an idol? This is exactly my point: this sort of tripe is in no way ironic, as it merely becomes what it pretends to tear down.
posted by psmealey at 7:42 AM on January 19, 2006

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

What the fuck does that have to do with celebrity gossip or which starlet Brendon would either like to fuck or to watch having sex?
posted by psmealey at 7:48 AM on January 19, 2006

One, we have semi decent lighting. Two, let's face it, Colin's packing, and Three, we've got a playboy bunny in the mix. Four, we see everybody's face clearly several times.

Didn't you just describe the Tommy and Pamela sex tape?

And I keep thinking that one day I'll get tired of seeing pictures of Scarlett Johansson, but today is not that day.
posted by Cyrano at 7:55 AM on January 19, 2006

Another site ..I'd hurry though
posted by wyldeboi at 8:33 AM on January 19, 2006

I Am Joe's Urge to Tear Down the Hollywood Sign with Every Fucking Ounce of Rage Channelled Through His Bleeding Hands.
posted by Smart Dalek at 8:48 AM on January 19, 2006

WWBSMD
posted by Otis at 9:16 AM on January 19, 2006

This is such a perfect spot for that gif of Colin Farrel simulating a bj, but for the life of me I can't find it.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 9:29 AM on January 19, 2006

I know Nicole Narain's mother. She and I used to work together at a newspaper (she was in the circulation department). She's a very nice woman and was very proud of Nicole's modeling accomplishments. I haven't seen her since 2001 (I left that job in 2000) so I have no idea what her take is on recent events, other than the quotes from her in People magazine when the story of the tape first broke.
posted by SisterHavana at 9:37 AM on January 19, 2006

posted by afx114 at 10:06 AM on January 19, 2006

Is it just me, or does Colin have almost NO irish accent in that video?
posted by papakwanz at 10:21 AM on January 19, 2006

what

who cares
posted by cellphone at 10:41 AM on January 19, 2006

How come nobody supposedly in "the biz" can spell "Farrell" -- note the two Ls -- correctly?
posted by John Shaft at 10:47 AM on January 19, 2006

Shut Yo' Mouth!
posted by papakwanz at 6:06 PM on January 19, 2006