Rules for trolls

January 21, 2006 7:17 PM

Nine rules for trolling- David Pogue has advice on how to troll effectively. (NY Times site requires that you accept its cookies)
posted by Kirth Gerson (79 comments total)

9. Don't let generalities slip by. Don't tolerate simplifications for the sake of a non-technical audience. Ignore conditional words like "generally," "usually" and "most."
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:25 PM on January 21, 2006

Maybe this is interesting or cool to some people, but I think it's pretty fucking stupid. I mean, the Nazis had rules for making things effective, too. What are you, a Nazi?
posted by billysumday at 7:28 PM on January 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

The quickest fucking Godwin'ing of a post ever.
posted by Mijo Bijo at 7:31 PM on January 21, 2006

The article is about trolling, not asshattery!
posted by Mijo Bijo at 7:34 PM on January 21, 2006

Whoosh. With accompanying supracranial hand gesture.

On preview, no save.
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:36 PM on January 21, 2006

I don't have to read that link to know that it's terrible. Never post again.

P.S.: Windows sucks.
posted by the_bone at 7:36 PM on January 21, 2006

Where do people come up with this stuff. Internet trolls??

What a time we live in!
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:38 PM on January 21, 2006

Beautiful. For some reason, I'd never seen this before. A++, would click another link from FPPer again.
posted by Mikey-San at 7:42 PM on January 21, 2006

Lots of good use of rule 6, guys! You've obviously been practcing!

6. If you find a sentence early in the article that rubs you the wrong way, you are by no means obligated to finish reading. Stop right where you are--express your anger while it's still good and hot! What are the odds that the writer is going to say anything else relevant to your point later in the piece, anyway?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:43 PM on January 21, 2006

This article was obviously not written by a black person, as everyone knows all black people thoroughly understand the argumentative fallout and clouding of issues that occurs after a racial stereotype is thrown out there.
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 7:52 PM on January 21, 2006

. . . I was hoping this was an article on my favorite fishing modality.
posted by isopraxis at 7:57 PM on January 21, 2006

This article was obviously not written by a black person

I forget, are there any of those on Metafilter?
posted by cillit bang at 7:58 PM on January 21, 2006

dios is a movie reviewer? I thought he was a pretend lawyer.
posted by orthogonality at 7:59 PM on January 21, 2006

You're username sucks.
posted by swell at 8:04 PM on January 21, 2006

(on preview, I wasn't talking about orthogonality.)
posted by swell at 8:05 PM on January 21, 2006

IF you really believe that someone is a troll, the best tactic is to ignore them. Nothing else works.

Seriously.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 8:14 PM on January 21, 2006

This article sucks. It doesn't even mention our favorite trolls' tactic of turning any post they attack into a post about themselves and how they are qualified to speak, where you aren't.

Therefore, this post sucks.
posted by Balisong at 8:16 PM on January 21, 2006

Liberals love Osama. Discuss.
posted by homunculus at 8:22 PM on January 21, 2006

I've been on MeFi three weeks and I can already tell you're all just a bunch of trolling idiots.

You all suck. Especially Balisong.
posted by Meredith at 8:26 PM on January 21, 2006

This is a very unusual definition of the act of trolling. This is more like the response to perceived trolling.

As practiced here on MeFi.
posted by stirfry at 8:28 PM on January 21, 2006

I know I am, but what are you?
posted by Balisong at 8:29 PM on January 21, 2006

Boy, what a pile of crap. The author has obviously been online for, like, a week. He doesn't know the first [expletive deleted] thing about trolling. I bet he's a Mac user.

(okay, I'm not very good at it either, but I tried. Fun post, Kirth. :) )
posted by Malor at 8:36 PM on January 21, 2006

Whoever wrote this article is a fucking ridiculous hack. I haven't read it, and I don't need to, because I know exactly what it says. He fellates the Pills of the American Internet Neighborhood Society like the little fanboy he is; hell, I bet they're probably paying the goddamn shill. At the same time this hatchet job manages to misrepresent their position so much that this PAINS-basher is clearly *also* being paid by their opponents. The resulting slam of all things that are actually good amounts to a rave regarding everything that makes me want to vomit. Especially in his smarmy first sentence in which he oh-so-snidely refers to his column in the Times like he's some kind of fucking expert (despite his admitted dumb-ass mistakes about the number of notes in something as the Intel jingle - great job moron.) This idiot probably thinks anything he writes is OK because some invisible sky-monster with a white beard is on his side. If he thinks all the e-mails he gets are so obnoxious, why doesn't he just take his Nazi crybaby ass home instead of writing a column.

That's all I have to say on the subject.
posted by kyrademon at 8:47 PM on January 21, 2006

Send copies of your note to the publication's publisher and, if possible, its advertisers.

Good idea!
posted by meh at 8:49 PM on January 21, 2006

I'm not even going to try.

It's not worth the effort...
posted by Samizdata at 8:51 PM on January 21, 2006

i found this, and this thread, amusing. to date, kyradaemon wins, billysunday running a close second on style but losing on effort.
posted by mwhybark at 8:56 PM on January 21, 2006

A one link post to a lame puff piece? How about some supporting links?
posted by caddis at 8:59 PM on January 21, 2006

That was totally ghey.
posted by 2sheets at 9:14 PM on January 21, 2006

Easy for you to say. I AM a troll and I live under a goddamn bridge and it sucks because I'm always standing in MUD.

Jerks.
posted by Slap Incognito at 9:18 PM on January 21, 2006

I'd say we have a new set of posting guidelines. Matt should just copy that numbered list wholesale and put it up on the site.
posted by crunchland at 9:21 PM on January 21, 2006

Wow that was a short article. What was the registration part about? The real question is what does Vox Day have to say?
posted by fenriq at 9:22 PM on January 21, 2006

Hmmm, that didn't seem to work.

Proof of Saddam's terror training camps and his links to al Qaeda
posted by caddis at 9:26 PM on January 21, 2006

That's all I have to say on the subject.

No more could be asked for!
posted by stirfry at 9:31 PM on January 21, 2006

Lots of good use of rule 6, guys! You've obviously been practcing!

Learn to spellcheck! Then stop shilling for the NY Times...what do you work for them or something? Hell, you're probably the author's sock puppet...
posted by Pryde at 9:57 PM on January 21, 2006

Thank goodness we have a substantive article to discuss instead of the usual gay-marriage tripe.
posted by RavinDave at 10:15 PM on January 21, 2006

Hell, you're probably the author's sock puppet...

We are all sockpuppets here in the land of MeFi.

dhoyt is our middle name...or maybe something starting with a "j". I'm flexible as a yogi.
posted by stirfry at 10:22 PM on January 21, 2006

Only 36 comments? Did David Pogue omit piling on?
posted by Cranberry at 10:43 PM on January 21, 2006

Christ, ever since Matt opened up registration again its been like a damn cess pool in here. Stop polluting the blue with this sort of tripe. I've flagged every post on this thread. Asshats.
posted by crunchywelch at 10:52 PM on January 21, 2006

Christ, ever since Matt opened up registration again its been like a damn cess pool in here. Stop polluting the blue with this sort of tripe. I've flagged every post on this thread. Asshats.
posted by crunchywelch at 10:52 PM on January 21, 2006

Christ, ever since Matt opened up registration again its been like a damn cess pool in here. Stop polluting the blue with this sort of tripe. I've flagged every post on this thread. Asshats.
posted by crunchywelch at 10:52 PM on January 21, 2006

dammit.
posted by crunchywelch at 10:52 PM on January 21, 2006

Is it just me or have the Mefi resident trolls been largely absent from this thread? One would think that this would be their milieu. They must have gone to bed early - church tomorrow.
posted by tcobretti at 10:52 PM on January 21, 2006

BTW, nice job crunchywelch.
posted by tcobretti at 10:59 PM on January 21, 2006

BTW, I wasn't actually trying to be a cock, crunchy.
posted by tcobretti at 11:14 PM on January 21, 2006

BTW, nice job crunchywelch.

Blacks Think (W)once??

Racist scum. Learn how to spell to.
posted by Mach3avelli at 11:18 PM on January 21, 2006

I guess this guy doesn't like freedom of speech much, does he? Yeah, him and Joe Stalin. The difference between writing an article like this and loading people on trains for Siberia at the point of a bayonet is only a matter of degree.
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:38 PM on January 21, 2006

THis auther sux.
posted by Falconetti at 11:59 PM on January 21, 2006

WHy do you guys hate the NYT so much. There's nothing in this about being a Nazi or hating black people. It's just a simple article about trolling. I can't believe you're getting so angry about it. And this aggression isn't funny either. kyrademon doesn't win; he's just managed to bring the tone of the discussion down to arguing. This thread is an example of why I have started to hate Metafilter so much.

Jeez.
posted by seanyboy at 12:36 AM on January 22, 2006

Oh, sure! Now you bring Jeez into it. Like He had anything to do with it.
posted by Balisong at 12:50 AM on January 22, 2006

I wanted to hear the "Intel Inside" notes Pogue links to in his column, but it looks like his link was hijacked by a UK music site. So, is it 4 notes or 5?
posted by mono blanco at 1:28 AM on January 22, 2006

I only listened to two notes, decided the theme sucked, and dashed off an insulting email to the composer.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:34 AM on January 22, 2006

Actually it's seven notes. The first two are only audible if you're using Internet Exposer.

And pryde is right about my spelling. Obviously, what I meant to write was:
Lots of good use of rule 6, gays!
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:36 AM on January 22, 2006

I hate this thread. Metafilter has sucked ever since the 90s ended. I'm through with Metafilter. I'm leaving. I'm never posting to or reading Metafilter again. You know, when I joined Metafilter it was wonderful but now I'm done. Goodbye everybody and don't try to change my mind. You can all go back to immature boy zone pseudo intellectual group think. I've got an actual life to live.
posted by rdr at 4:36 AM on January 22, 2006

Actually, that felt pretty good.
posted by rdr at 4:36 AM on January 22, 2006

But I'm never posting again. Goodbye.
posted by rdr at 4:37 AM on January 22, 2006

God bless and keep you all in his loving embrace.

Seriously, though -- are street preachers the meatspace equivalent to trolls? Thinking especially of these cats.
posted by milquetoast at 5:05 AM on January 22, 2006

I DONT GET IT
posted by sexyrobot at 5:10 AM on January 22, 2006

damn hippies!
posted by tiamat at 5:20 AM on January 22, 2006

You bastards drove rdr away with your Nazi-like hatchet-jobs and your Mac religion. I hate you all, and I'm never reading this thread again.
posted by languagehat at 6:26 AM on January 22, 2006

You suck and your post sucks and I hate you over the Internet. (Via.)
posted by Gator at 6:41 AM on January 22, 2006

... and everything you stand for.
posted by Songdog at 7:22 AM on January 22, 2006

And the horse you rode in on.
posted by Songdog at 7:22 AM on January 22, 2006

Me too!
posted by Aknaton at 8:11 AM on January 22, 2006

God damn your god damned old hellfired god damned soul to hell god damn you and goddam your god damned family's god damned hellfired god damned soul to hell and god damnation god damn them and god damn your god damn friends to hell.

—Peter Muggins, American citizen, letter to President Abraham Lincoln, 1860

OK, now I'm out of here. Seriously, you won't see me in this thread any more. Ever.

















I mean it.
posted by languagehat at 9:12 AM on January 22, 2006

don't let the door hit you in the ass.
posted by jonmc at 9:35 AM on January 22, 2006

When the door does hit you in the ass, please wipe off of the door the mark your ass makes.
posted by Aknaton at 9:37 AM on January 22, 2006

You guys suck. I'm gonna take my ball and go home. Then I'm gonna demand my five bucks back and use it to sign up on Fark, where people actually show some human compassion and common courtesy towards one another.

P.S. My daddy can beat up all your daddys.
posted by Pryde at 11:24 AM on January 22, 2006

Say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
posted by Joeforking at 11:25 AM on January 22, 2006

How is this the best of the web?
posted by moonbiter at 11:49 AM on January 22, 2006

He's not talking about trolling, he's talking about being a curmudgeon. He doesn't even mention trolling until number 8. Trolling is an art, being a stubborn idiot is not.

However, this may have been the response you were looking for by posting it this way. In that case, Rush Limbaugh uses a Mac. Discuss.
posted by fungible at 11:53 AM on January 22, 2006

These are the lamest 10 rules for trolls, evar.
posted by darkstar at 1:54 PM on January 22, 2006

Oh yeah, well my dad can beat up your mom!
posted by Richard Daly at 1:57 PM on January 22, 2006

Dude, my mom's in a wheelchair.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:22 PM on January 22, 2006

Not even going to lurk anymore?
posted by Devils Slide at 4:27 PM on January 22, 2006

Fitting from the NYTimes, where EVERY story is a carefully constructed troll.
posted by HTuttle at 7:51 PM on January 22, 2006

I'm confused, and slightly pissed.
posted by jenovus at 9:56 PM on January 22, 2006

Or is that the other way around? I must be too pissed to tell.
posted by jenovus at 9:57 PM on January 22, 2006

The last time I read this article I fell off my dinosaur laughing.
And it's a single link to an op-ed.
Typical of the lying ass NYT oportunist bitches.
The guy can't even spell ignorence!
RTFA
posted by asok at 1:02 AM on January 23, 2006

CURMUDGEON IS NOT A VERB!! (!)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:52 AM on January 23, 2006