Strategery

January 31, 2006 12:38 PM

State of the Union Drinking GameIts that time of year again, and it seems to get bigger (and more partisan) each time. Now Kos has one, as does Arianna Huffington. Here's another, and another.(previous)
posted by ChasFile (196 comments total)

MeFi Betting Pool -- how long into his speech before Bush says "September 11th" or "9/11?"
posted by ericb at 12:42 PM on January 31, 2006

MeFi Betting Pool -- how long into his speech before Bush says "September 11th" or "9/11?"

Woooh! Count me in.

I'm betting 32 seconds.
posted by 327.ca at 12:49 PM on January 31, 2006

And how much ya' wanna bet he doesn't utter the words 'Jack Abramoff', 'domestic spying', 'oil company profits', 'Plamegate', 'Tom Delay' and 'Frist's stock sales?'
posted by ericb at 12:50 PM on January 31, 2006

Or September 9/11.
posted by SirOmega at 12:51 PM on January 31, 2006

The whole over-use of 9/11 is sad, scandalous, and a bit scary. I'd like to think that America was above the kind of demagoguery that relies on that kind of emotional appeal to muster patriotic feeling.

Bush/Rove use it like a cattle prod. The minute things don't go their way, they invoke 9/11 and everyone either goes temporarily insane, or shut's up just a little.

Its like keeping the wound raw helps them in the short term, but in the long term it can only be destructive for the country as a whole.
posted by hwestiii at 12:55 PM on January 31, 2006

I'd like to think that America was above the kind of demagoguery that relies on that kind of emotional appeal to muster patriotic feeling.

I have a bridge you might be interested in purchasing...
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 12:57 PM on January 31, 2006

Tonight's speech will be all about the next country we're gonna invade: IRAN
posted by wakko at 1:01 PM on January 31, 2006

Tonight's speech will be all about the next country we're gonna invade: IRAN

Highly likely -- of the "Axis of Evil" -- one down, two to go!
posted by ericb at 1:05 PM on January 31, 2006

the next country we're gonna invade

where "we = conscripts", I guess.
posted by matteo at 1:07 PM on January 31, 2006

Imagining Arianna Huffington actually saying, "those guys are gonna tear the roof off the mothersucka!" makes me giggle.
posted by Uccellina at 1:08 PM on January 31, 2006

I'd like to play drinking games with Arianna Huffington...
posted by Baby_Balrog at 1:18 PM on January 31, 2006

Here's an idea for a SOTU drinking game:

1) Buy alcohol.

2) Turn off TV.

3) Drink alcohol.

I guarantee you that'll it be more fun than listening to Bush's vapid cliches and redundant and/or poorly planned programs. I've got two words for you: CNN Transcript.
posted by crazymonk at 1:19 PM on January 31, 2006

Can't afford much to drink? A sip of beer for every word he pronounces correctly.
posted by Peter H at 1:23 PM on January 31, 2006

I say, 2 shots everytime he mentions "Iran" within 10 seconds of "war on terror".

Should be pretty drunk by night's end.

As an aside, is threatening to convert from the petro-dollar to the petro-euro considered terrorism?
posted by C.Batt at 1:26 PM on January 31, 2006

Very funny (to me anyway) of my scanning lately on the net, including this thread: whenever I see SOTU, I think for a second I'm seeing STFU.
posted by Peter H at 1:27 PM on January 31, 2006

As an aside, is threatening to convert from the petro-dollar to the petro-euro considered terrorism?

Are you kidding? That's worse than harboring bin Laden!
posted by Saydur at 1:27 PM on January 31, 2006

MeFi Betting Pool -- how long into his speech before Bush says "September 11th" or "9/11?"

I'm betting on the flash card President to say "September 9/11." A Bush speech is just one misspoken cliché after another.

Since I like drinking - a lot - my cue to imbibe will be the chicken bob thing Bush does with his head when he's trying to make a point he doesn't understand. I expect there will be lots of those.
posted by three blind mice at 1:30 PM on January 31, 2006

I bet it will be depressing..unlike standup comedians, the guy isn't acting.
posted by elpapacito at 1:32 PM on January 31, 2006

I like crazymonk's drinking game best. Its alot less likely to end up with me putting my foot through my TV.
posted by fenriq at 1:34 PM on January 31, 2006

Bush will probably play his own "SOTU drinking game" before going on tonight.
posted by the_bone at 1:40 PM on January 31, 2006

hwestiii,

Very well said and very sadly, true.
posted by mr.curmudgeon at 1:41 PM on January 31, 2006

You don't drink cocaine!
posted by wakko at 1:42 PM on January 31, 2006

How many drinks does a nice long pull on a spliff count for?
posted by wah at 1:45 PM on January 31, 2006

I promise to update mine for this year as soon as I get home tonight. Unfortunately it will not be held at a bar this year as, well, don't work there no mo.
posted by Captaintripps at 1:45 PM on January 31, 2006

depends how long. folks tell me one hit counts as one drink. so, puff puff pass = 1 drink.
posted by wakko at 1:46 PM on January 31, 2006

If he mentions Osama bin Laden, I suggest giving up drinking entirely.

How many fronts does a war have to have before it's considered a WW?
posted by Kickstart70 at 1:50 PM on January 31, 2006

It's hard work drinking during the SOTU.
posted by NationalKato at 1:52 PM on January 31, 2006

You don't kick TVs, you shoot them.

Smashing them with a sledge or bat is also approved, but recommend for advanced haters.
posted by loquacious at 1:53 PM on January 31, 2006

Um...point of order here, gentlemen (and ladies, excuse me). You're not really going to watch/listen to this, are you? I mean what's the point, or am i missing something?

1. you know what he's gonna say. you could practically say it FOR him, only with less grammatical errors.
2. what's the point? this administration does whatever it wants without approval anyway.
3. Even if he coughs up some vague nugget of wisdom (doubtful, at best), we already know that you can't trust it anyway.

Me, I'm going to find something more pleasureable to do. Of course, I would consider a root canal more pleasurable than listening to him do his thing tonight, but......
posted by TheStorm at 1:53 PM on January 31, 2006

Andy Dick: Presidential Speechalist
also: Bushwacked 2
posted by blue_beetle at 1:55 PM on January 31, 2006

I'd think "We're making progress" should be up there with "hard work." If one drank solely to those two phrases in any of the past addresses, they'd be in a coma.
posted by MysticMCJ at 1:57 PM on January 31, 2006

Things I would rather do than sit through a televised State of the Union:

1. Choke to death on cat shit
2. Trim all of my body hair with a chainsaw
3. Engage in a threesome with Joan Rivers and John Madden
4. Slide down a 50-foot razorblade into a kiddie pool filled with sulferic acid
5. Be attacked by two hundred rabid dachsunds
6. Do a rat milk/tequila shooter
7. Watch a 3-hour pornographic epic starring Randy Quaid and Whoopi Goldberg
posted by COBRA! at 2:02 PM on January 31, 2006

Gore Vidal's State of the Union

"This is an unpatriotic government. This is a government that deals openly in illegalities, whether it is attacking a country which has done us no harm, two countries -- Iraq and Afghanistan -- because we now believe, not in declaring war through Congress as the Constitution requires, but through the President. ‘Well, I think there are some terrorists over there, and I think we got to bomb them, huh? We'll bomb them.’ Now, we’ve had idiots as presidents before. He's not unique. But he's certainly the most active idiot that we have ever had."

posted by ericb at 2:02 PM on January 31, 2006

Cobra wins!
posted by TheStorm at 2:05 PM on January 31, 2006

COBRA!: Stop it, you're getting me hot and bothered.

"Randy Whoopi" says it all.
posted by Kickstart70 at 2:06 PM on January 31, 2006

Cnn breaking balls news

President Bush will call for new technology to break U.S. addiction to oil, according to excerpts of his State of the Union speech released by the White House.

In a bid to attract some unpaid media attention I guess ?
posted by elpapacito at 2:10 PM on January 31, 2006

1. you know what he's gonna say. you could practically say it FOR him, only with less grammatical errors.

fewer grammatical errors.

Thanks, I'll be here all week!

Oh, and yeah, you couldn't pay me enough to watch this.
posted by jlub at 2:22 PM on January 31, 2006

Here's the actual quote referred to by elpapacito.

“America is addicted to oil, which is often imported from unstable parts of the world… The best way to break this addiction is through technology.”

This is my favorite quote so far for it's sheer "uh. yeah."-ness.

“The American economy is pre-eminent – but we cannot afford to be complacent. In a dynamic world economy, we are seeing new competitors like China and India.”

Got to love being on the White House mailing list...
posted by youcancallmeal at 2:36 PM on January 31, 2006

people forget that the idea of drinking games is to make the result more sever the LESS LIKELY the event is to happen. See, you want to get drunk, but the game shouldn't make it TOO easy on you.

1. any reference to the events of september 11, 2001 - take a sip of beer or wine(do not use shots, it'll happen too often.)

2. any mention of the name Saddam or Saddam Hussein - drink large drink of beer or wine or one shot, if you're hardcore.

3. any mention of Osama Bin Laden - empty glass, be it shot or beer or wine.

4. any mention of elections in other countries - normal drink of beer or wine

5. any mention of valerie plame/Jack Abramoff/domestic spying/halliburton/increase in terrorism worldwide since the invasion of iraq/weapons of mass destruction/Bill Frist - drink an entire handle of booze or a 30 pack of beer as quickly as humanly possible, then drink an entire bottle of wine followed by belly button shots off every person in the room.
posted by shmegegge at 3:00 PM on January 31, 2006

In others news, George is borrowing lines and concept from Matteo

Metafilter : The Congress AND the Prez are upon us
posted by elpapacito at 3:00 PM on January 31, 2006

oh, and 6. proper pronunciation of the word "nuclear" - hijack a jack daniel's bottler and consume the contents.
posted by shmegegge at 3:02 PM on January 31, 2006

Howabout every time he de-aspirates his voiceless alveolar fricatives?
That susurrous on his ‘s’ sounds drives me nuts.

Y’know what I’m talking about? The air he puts into his sentences man. Drives me crazy. It’s not a lisp exactly. Just too much air. Makes me think he’s part snake or something.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:04 PM on January 31, 2006

by "bottler" I meant "bottling plant."
posted by shmegegge at 3:07 PM on January 31, 2006

Makes me think he’s part snake or something.

what up, david icke -- i mean smedleyman. ;-)
posted by lord_wolf at 3:19 PM on January 31, 2006

From CNN: President Bush's State of the Union speech will focus on the kitchen table concerns of ordinary Americans. With gas prices rising again, he will declare America is "addicted to oil," and will call for new technology to break that addiction, according to excerpts released by the White House.

What am I drunk on oil? He's starting to look like Jimmy Carter! Gosh, I hope he wears a sweater.
posted by R. Mutt at 3:19 PM on January 31, 2006

Smedleyman :


INDEED !
posted by elpapacito at 3:19 PM on January 31, 2006

“America is addicted to oil, which is often imported from unstable parts of the world… The best way to break this addiction is through a 12-step program. I should know. Here is our plan:

1. We admit you are powerless over oil - that your lives have become unmanageable without ANWR.

2. Come to believe that a Power greater than yourselves can restore you to sanity. A power named Jeb.

3. Make a decision to turn your will and your lives over to the care of God as I understand Him. You probably don't understand Him, though, 'cause He has a really thick Texas accent. Better let me interpret for you.

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. When we can find the time. This one is actually kinda gay. Never mind.

5. Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs.

6. We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defective characters. Pat Robertson has some good ideas here.

7. Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings (in bed). Hehehehe! See what I did, there? Hehehehe!

8. Make a list of all persons we have harmed and become willing to make amens to them all.

9. Made direct amens to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Amen, ya'll.

10. Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it. If it ever happens, we'll get right on that.

11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve your contact with God, as I understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for you and the power for me to enforce it.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to Arcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Wait - affairs are okay, now? Hehehehe - somebody get Harriet Miers on the phone!"
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:20 PM on January 31, 2006

are we still going to mars?
posted by mcsweetie at 3:26 PM on January 31, 2006

COBRA!, I think you've given us the MeFi SOTU Game, our very own alternative to those lame drinking games ...

SOTU-Libs - Mix-n-match entries from this list while half-watching Bush mangle the Queen's English:
choose any verb / choose any noun / choose any adverbial or prepositional phrase(s)

- Slide down Joan Rivers while milking a rat
- Trim your body hair with sulphuric acid
- Engage in a threesome with a shitting cat and Randy Goldberg
posted by rob511 at 3:29 PM on January 31, 2006

That these guys can possibly mount a serious and productive response to America's dependence on oil is a notion that actually refuses to register in my brain. Most likely it will amount to nothing more than bargain basement leasing of federal lands for oil exploration, tax breaks for questionable research initiatives, and anothe run on the treasury.

Why is it that we are always rewarding the "risks" of the Haliburtons, et. al., but no mind is paid to the risk to the taxpayer from this looting of the public till?
posted by hwestiii at 3:41 PM on January 31, 2006

If he mentions metafilter you have to drop 10 hits of acid.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:15 PM on January 31, 2006

are we still going to mars?

Yeah -- what about Mars? And, um, Poland?
posted by ericb at 4:30 PM on January 31, 2006

I plan to be drunk tonight, and I'm not even going to watch the speech.

Mmm. Glenfiddich.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:44 PM on January 31, 2006

I'd love to play this game but I don't want to end up passed out in a pool of my own sick by 9:30.
posted by clevershark at 4:53 PM on January 31, 2006

are we still going to mars?

Yes, in hydrogen powered flying cars.
posted by oncogenesis at 4:57 PM on January 31, 2006

State of Illusion -- "Many Americans have this sense of profound malaise. Of course, that's the ailment that dare not speak its name (and not just because it's French)."
posted by ericb at 5:03 PM on January 31, 2006

Yes, in hydrogen powered flying cars -- and with personal jetpacks!
posted by ericb at 5:04 PM on January 31, 2006

Does anyone have suggestions for where to watch this thing? C-SPAN is really slow.
posted by hupp at 5:21 PM on January 31, 2006

Never mind, the RealPlayer version works.
posted by hupp at 5:27 PM on January 31, 2006

If he mentions metafilter you have to drop 10 hits of acid.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:15 PM PST on January 31 [!]

If he mentions Metafilter, I'll eat my whole mushroom stash.
posted by Balisong at 5:33 PM on January 31, 2006

Cindy Sheehan had a ticket to sit in the gallery but she just got arrested. Or at least escorted out.
posted by madamjujujive at 6:05 PM on January 31, 2006

Oh man.. I am so high right now...
posted by Balisong at 6:08 PM on January 31, 2006

Commenter on AmericaBlog:
Update: Arrested in the House chamber for unfolding an anti-war banner. She will be held for an hour and denied re-rentry to the ceremony, though she in an invited guest of Congresswoman Lynn Woolsey (D-CA).
posted by madamjujujive at 6:08 PM on January 31, 2006

I know it's wrong...
But so little explosives could cure so many of America's problems right now.
posted by Balisong at 6:13 PM on January 31, 2006

^^^ By that, I mean bomb Iran, of course...^ ^ ^
posted by Balisong at 6:15 PM on January 31, 2006

Aaaaaaaahhhh!!!! He just brought up 9/11!! How many minutes has it been? 2? 3?
posted by doublehelix at 6:16 PM on January 31, 2006

freedom ... freedom ... wmd ... freedom ... mass murder
posted by madamjujujive at 6:18 PM on January 31, 2006

FEAR
posted by interrobang at 6:18 PM on January 31, 2006

EVIL
posted by interrobang at 6:20 PM on January 31, 2006

I swear Bush has a string in his neck with a plastic loop on the end that Cheney just stands behind him and pulls over and over again.
posted by sourwookie at 6:20 PM on January 31, 2006

America =/= evil.
posted by Balisong at 6:20 PM on January 31, 2006

Hot use of the blink tag, interrobang.
posted by doublehelix at 6:20 PM on January 31, 2006

His opening focused -- while not openly stated as such -- on his wanting to be a "uniter" and not a "divider" (recall his original election pledge?).

George - ya' gotta do better.

"For the first time since Bush took office in 2001, a majority of those polled said the president -- who campaigned as "a uniter, not a divider" -- has been a divisive leader. Fifty-four percent called Bush a divider, while 41 percent called him a uniter." [source]

posted by ericb at 6:21 PM on January 31, 2006

cindy sheehan was in possession of a banner of mass destruction.
posted by quonsar at 6:22 PM on January 31, 2006

Fear -- fear --- fear -- WWII/Godwin --- Iraq ... terrorist targets ...
posted by ericb at 6:22 PM on January 31, 2006

Confidence is the key!
posted by Balisong at 6:22 PM on January 31, 2006

"take our troops home."

hmmmm......"take??"
posted by doublehelix at 6:23 PM on January 31, 2006

Confidence is the key!

I suspect that "confident" and "confidence" will have the highest word-count in this speech.

I am confident ... I am confident ... I am confident ...
posted by ericb at 6:24 PM on January 31, 2006

"take our troops home."

Someone needs clarification between "bring" and "take."
posted by ericb at 6:25 PM on January 31, 2006

Are there really people out there who can take this shit uncritically?
posted by interrobang at 6:25 PM on January 31, 2006

"We must keep our word" = "Stay the Course."
posted by ericb at 6:25 PM on January 31, 2006

Wait until he introduces the "bomb-sniffing" dog!!!
posted by ericb at 6:27 PM on January 31, 2006

*blink* *blink*
posted by Oddly at 6:27 PM on January 31, 2006

Where's Diosparamus?
posted by Balisong at 6:27 PM on January 31, 2006

Ya' know what they say about performing with animals and children.
posted by ericb at 6:28 PM on January 31, 2006

"America supports democratic reform in the Middle East." -- So, what again about Hamas? What about the majority outcome in Iraq?
posted by ericb at 6:30 PM on January 31, 2006

Heh!!

I'm fine to wait and fight them here, if it's my choice.
posted by Balisong at 6:31 PM on January 31, 2006

"Go home and die."
posted by interrobang at 6:31 PM on January 31, 2006

Is he going to say anything about domestic issues?
posted by octothorpe at 6:31 PM on January 31, 2006

Oh mercy, is this shit ever boring.
posted by raysmj at 6:32 PM on January 31, 2006

Is he going to say anything about domestic issues?

We have domestic issues?
posted by interrobang at 6:32 PM on January 31, 2006

No shit, octothorpe! I was wondering the same thing.
posted by doublehelix at 6:32 PM on January 31, 2006

OK, he's talking about Terrorism at home now. I guess that's domestic.
posted by octothorpe at 6:33 PM on January 31, 2006

Is he going to say anything about domestic issues?

He won't talk about "domestic spying," but will use his current spin as "terrorist surveillance."

He will talk about domestic issues -- particularly 'health care,' 'alternatives to our 'addicition to oil' -- and other empty promises.
posted by ericb at 6:33 PM on January 31, 2006

Oh, right. Spying.
posted by interrobang at 6:33 PM on January 31, 2006

All this man wants to do is fight, fight, fight. What do you call someone who is constantly wanting to fight with others? A bully? Or is there a more clinical word?
posted by doublehelix at 6:34 PM on January 31, 2006

WE WILL NOT SIT BACK AND WAIT TO BE HIT AGAIN
posted by quonsar at 6:35 PM on January 31, 2006

perot

It's simple, see! I've got to spy on 'Mericans Or the Terr'rists will hit agin'!

/Perot
posted by Balisong at 6:36 PM on January 31, 2006

wow, hilarly clinton just looked really hot to me.
posted by LouieLoco at 6:36 PM on January 31, 2006

ME-DOM IS ON THE FARTS
posted by interrobang at 6:36 PM on January 31, 2006

terrorism is winning so far

freedom
////////////

terror/ism
///////////////
posted by madamjujujive at 6:37 PM on January 31, 2006

Or is there a more clinical word?

Cowboy?
posted by ericb at 6:37 PM on January 31, 2006

and she lost it.
posted by LouieLoco at 6:37 PM on January 31, 2006

centralizing more power in Washington????? yikes.
posted by madamjujujive at 6:39 PM on January 31, 2006

"Feed Peoples' Fears!"
posted by ericb at 6:39 PM on January 31, 2006

*cough*
posted by interrobang at 6:39 PM on January 31, 2006

Is he a big hit with imiagrants? Try or New Job (tm.) program!
posted by Balisong at 6:39 PM on January 31, 2006

Oh - yeah -- oither domestic issue --- "(un)documented workers."
posted by ericb at 6:39 PM on January 31, 2006

At certain moments, Bush strangely resembles Mr. C. Montgomery Burns.
posted by doublehelix at 6:40 PM on January 31, 2006

we must need a permanent tax cut about now.
posted by madamjujujive at 6:40 PM on January 31, 2006

Save 14 Billion? I assume the budget will be less than last year?
posted by Balisong at 6:41 PM on January 31, 2006

If people would stop giving him standing ovations after every two sentences perhaps we could wrap this shit up before midnight.
posted by Meredith at 6:42 PM on January 31, 2006

George -- what about the deficit?

"The US Federal Budget, in surplus only a few years ago, has dropped dramatically back into deficit. Recent budget deficits have broken all previous records."
posted by ericb at 6:43 PM on January 31, 2006

"So, that woman at the end of 'Titanic'... she was just a liar, right?"
posted by interrobang at 6:43 PM on January 31, 2006

See, we're just STARTING to EASE you IN to the benefit cuts!
posted by Balisong at 6:43 PM on January 31, 2006

"yet the rising cost of entitlements is not as a problem as that is not going away."

word.
posted by shmegegge at 6:44 PM on January 31, 2006

State of the Union (quicktime)
posted by madamjujujive at 6:44 PM on January 31, 2006

Unlit gravel roads to all! Water and electricity? Only if you are lucky!
posted by Balisong at 6:45 PM on January 31, 2006

Wait ... wait ... I believe there will be a nod to the "bomb-sniffing" dog -- and its handler from Iraq.
posted by ericb at 6:45 PM on January 31, 2006

Bombing-Sniffing Dog Gets Good Seat.
posted by ericb at 6:47 PM on January 31, 2006

Oh, Comon!!
They would never let an Iraqi with a live weapon anywhere near the president.
posted by Balisong at 6:47 PM on January 31, 2006

well, he IS making wider use of electronic records, gotta give him that one.
posted by madamjujujive at 6:47 PM on January 31, 2006

did he say electronic records. Cuz I got a whole crate of detroit techno in my garage.
posted by LouieLoco at 6:47 PM on January 31, 2006

I think the reason that people clap after every sentence is so that you don't hear anyone loudly guffaw after a particularly ridiculous statement.
posted by shmegegge at 6:47 PM on January 31, 2006

Enough with the clapping and ovations! Jeebus!
posted by doublehelix at 6:48 PM on January 31, 2006

Bush strangely resembles Mr. C. Montgomery Burns.


posted by quonsar at 6:48 PM on January 31, 2006

wup, here comes the oil addiction.
posted by shmegegge at 6:48 PM on January 31, 2006

Medical Liability = Evil.
posted by Balisong at 6:48 PM on January 31, 2006

Hydrogen and switchgrass, I heard it!
posted by Balisong at 6:49 PM on January 31, 2006

there goes the rain forest.
posted by LouieLoco at 6:49 PM on January 31, 2006

...and we're going to mars too
posted by madamjujujive at 6:49 PM on January 31, 2006

DELICIOUS, DELICIOUS ETHANOL
posted by interrobang at 6:49 PM on January 31, 2006

I'm just going to chug this entire bottle of scotch now and get it over with.
posted by Meredith at 6:50 PM on January 31, 2006

"and make our dependence on middle eastern oil a thing of the past." but it's not important enough to divert military funds to.
posted by shmegegge at 6:50 PM on January 31, 2006

Meredith, you might as well start mainlining it
posted by madamjujujive at 6:51 PM on January 31, 2006

nanno-Supercomputing-Energy sources!
posted by Balisong at 6:51 PM on January 31, 2006

"America is addicted to oil"

"Companies Report Record Profits"
posted by ericb at 6:52 PM on January 31, 2006

we made good strides with the "no child left behind" act...


WHA WHA WHAT?!
posted by shmegegge at 6:52 PM on January 31, 2006

Yes, I went to the kitchen and walked back in on "nano-supercomputing-energy sources." WTF?

Oh, Amurika.

*mainlines*
posted by Meredith at 6:53 PM on January 31, 2006

Okay --- raise your hand if you're drunk yet?
posted by ericb at 6:53 PM on January 31, 2006

Stop saying America. It's the United States or the US.
posted by LouieLoco at 6:54 PM on January 31, 2006

Oh man.. I am so high right now...

Or, high ... or rollling.
posted by ericb at 6:54 PM on January 31, 2006

Can't afford much to drink? A sip of beer for every word he pronounces correctly.
posted by Peter H at 3:23 PM CST on January 31

Shit was I right or what. 55 minutes in and not a single sip yet!
posted by Peter H at 6:55 PM on January 31, 2006

"abstinece" and "adoption." Right.
posted by ericb at 6:55 PM on January 31, 2006

Another thing, why is it whenever he says something that actually causes the democrats to applaud, he gets this smirk on his face that he tries so desperately to hide, but can't quite keep himself from hinting at this "I just peed my pants a little" manic grin?
posted by Meredith at 6:56 PM on January 31, 2006

Human-animal hybrids????
posted by doublehelix at 6:57 PM on January 31, 2006

creating human animal hybrids?! WTF?! someone please post an fpp documenting what he's talking about.
posted by shmegegge at 6:57 PM on January 31, 2006

jinx
posted by shmegegge at 6:58 PM on January 31, 2006

"Warshingtun...."
posted by Peter H at 6:58 PM on January 31, 2006

Human-animal hybrids????

talking chimps?
posted by mr.marx at 6:58 PM on January 31, 2006

LOL
posted by doublehelix at 6:58 PM on January 31, 2006

Laura looks about as bombed out on dolls as I think her conscience would allow her to be five years into this shit.
posted by Peter H at 6:59 PM on January 31, 2006

Human-animal hybrids?? Has HE been playing the drinking game along with us?
posted by Meredith at 6:59 PM on January 31, 2006

She still looks like The Joker.
posted by doublehelix at 7:00 PM on January 31, 2006

is this by any chance opposite day?
posted by madamjujujive at 7:00 PM on January 31, 2006

Protected from Justice?
posted by Balisong at 7:00 PM on January 31, 2006

Ryan White!
posted by Peter H at 7:01 PM on January 31, 2006

We are officially back in Reagan's time. Where's Elton John?
posted by Peter H at 7:01 PM on January 31, 2006

"when there are no new infections in America." BUT FUCK AFRICA!
posted by shmegegge at 7:01 PM on January 31, 2006

Well, there we are, then.
posted by Balisong at 7:03 PM on January 31, 2006

That's gin in his glass.
posted by Peter H at 7:03 PM on January 31, 2006

Lame.
posted by interrobang at 7:03 PM on January 31, 2006

Gahd blhass Amurcca (sip) (HOORAY!)
posted by Peter H at 7:04 PM on January 31, 2006

All over the fucking board. What did he say?
posted by ericb at 7:04 PM on January 31, 2006

In summary: We must spy on AIDS
posted by Peter H at 7:05 PM on January 31, 2006

Or, we must spy on human-animal hybrids with AIDS.
posted by doublehelix at 7:08 PM on January 31, 2006

I've been puking tequilla for the last hour. Did I miss anything?
posted by homunculus at 7:10 PM on January 31, 2006

Just International correspondence, though. (wink) (belch)
posted by Peter H at 7:10 PM on January 31, 2006

Boy, that was pretty sad. Did he say anything interesting? It seemed pretty much like a greatest hits of Bush rhetoric.
posted by octothorpe at 7:11 PM on January 31, 2006

ha, oop, that was in response to doublehelix - but it's also sort of a response to homunculus too though, strangely.
posted by Peter H at 7:11 PM on January 31, 2006

ABC just commentated that 48 out of the 65 paragraphs were something that could have been just as easily said by Bill Clinton, or as mikepop put it in the mefi jabber room, "48 paragraphs equally meaningless no matter who reads them."

So no, homunculus, you didn't miss anything.
posted by Meredith at 7:13 PM on January 31, 2006

One benifit of the human/animal hybrids.
posted by craven_morhead at 7:14 PM on January 31, 2006

So, I can relax, now? Everyone's sufficently viligent?
posted by Balisong at 7:14 PM on January 31, 2006

Cindy Sheehan had a ticket to sit in the gallery but she just got arrested. Or at least escorted out.

What? Seriously?
posted by homunculus at 7:14 PM on January 31, 2006

But Bill Clinton did not set out to ruin the country. . .
posted by Danf at 7:14 PM on January 31, 2006

homunculus - a concise summary
posted by madamjujujive at 7:16 PM on January 31, 2006

OH MY GOD, HIS EYEBROW IS PERPETUALLY RAISED!
posted by shmegegge at 7:16 PM on January 31, 2006

the democrat responder, I mean.
posted by shmegegge at 7:17 PM on January 31, 2006

Yes and .... He's ..... very .... paced .....
posted by Peter H at 7:18 PM on January 31, 2006

I hear bush has made body doubles to make public speeches... Just in case of assisination attempts.
posted by Balisong at 7:18 PM on January 31, 2006

ERROR

That summarizes things nicely!
posted by homunculus at 7:19 PM on January 31, 2006

shmegegge: yes, and it's making it incredibly difficult to focus on a single thing he's saying. I'm just sitting here wanting to reach through the screen and yank his eyebrow back down where it belongs.
posted by Meredith at 7:20 PM on January 31, 2006

Speaking of which, How many Hussein body doubles did we catch before Hussein was actually caught?
At one time, I heard there were up to 16 verified by the CIA body doubles for Saddam.
posted by Balisong at 7:20 PM on January 31, 2006

Balisong, you wouldn't be talking about cloning, would you?????
posted by doublehelix at 7:21 PM on January 31, 2006

I for one welcome our new eyebrow overlords
posted by mr.marx at 7:21 PM on January 31, 2006

Nothing on climate change... Oh, it is over now. Well, maybe next year... Or, am I naive?

Lets see, maybe in the democratic response....?
posted by carmina at 7:25 PM on January 31, 2006

super-sillious
/Latin pun
posted by mowglisambo at 7:25 PM on January 31, 2006

OOH FRIST VERSUS OBAMA ON NBC!
posted by Peter H at 7:27 PM on January 31, 2006

So, that's it then! We're putting our foot down on using animal-hybrids for AIDS research!
'Bought time!
posted by Balisong at 7:32 PM on January 31, 2006

I think the SOTU is going to end up on CMT in a few years, a la Miss America.
posted by raysmj at 7:32 PM on January 31, 2006

Cindy Sheehan was apparently just wearing an anti-war shirt, not rolling out a banner. She was arrested.

Which is AWESOME.
posted by youarenothere at 7:43 PM on January 31, 2006

I wanted to write off the human-animal hybrid thing as complete insanity, but I think this might be what he was talking about. I totally missed that in the news.
posted by youarenothere at 7:49 PM on January 31, 2006

Also, discussed here and here. Hm.
posted by youarenothere at 7:54 PM on January 31, 2006

*pant, pant* Hey, guys, I just finished a three-way with Whoopi Rivers and a rabid dachshund.


Anything happen?
posted by rob511 at 8:35 PM on January 31, 2006

Human/Animal Hybrid T-Shirts
posted by ericb at 3:24 PM on February 1, 2006

That damn White House...
Being a step ahead of us on our outrages of the week!!

**Shakes Fist**
posted by Balisong at 6:10 PM on February 2, 2006